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It's your pal, Fortune, and I'm joined by my pal, May. It's weird that my name is May. Is it? Does it seem right? I like the, you have the alliteration like I have. Yeah. I love an alliteration. Yeah. Me too. What's Biggie's last name? Feimster? I say it is. Jack thinks that it's Smith, but when he's with me, I say to him, you're a Feimster. I don't know if she says that to... that he's a smith but biggie feemster is a cool name too yeah biggie feemster is cool maybe it's hyphen
Yeah. He can talk about that in therapy. Yeah. His identity. Yeah. I think May's a fun name. I think so too. Yeah. Yeah. I wish you could shorten it to a nickname. You can only lengthen it to like. Yeah. Cause May as is. a shorter name yeah like you could just do mmm mmm I have heard people refer to you as mmm really mmm mmm I've heard people refer to you as Fuck. in our, um, with Tig, but we had our, uh, two live shows back to back and there was a lot of screaming for May.
Well, ditto. Yeah, yeah. I can't wait to recap our adventures. Yeah, those were pretty incredible. It was super fun. Megan and I went to breakfast together. Oh, we did. We had a lovely, it took a long time to come. Yeah. The food. Oh, yeah. But not to be negative, but sorry. It took a long time to come. Well, it did. Because, you know, like diner, you expect it's going to be a quick delivery. Yeah. The coffee was quick.
That was true. But we got to chat and catch up and catch each other up to speed on what's going on in life. Yeah, I liked that a lot. It was a nice bonding experience. You know the next step, you got to come over. I know. I got to see that pad. Yeah, man. I'm like, I mean, I only really have people over to do painting and get weird. So if you're up for some painting. I'm not a good painter, but I'm up for any experience.
Great. I'm going to get a massage tonight. You are? Yeah, because we got back from traveling and I've been like pumping iron, lifting weights. So I'm going to... I'm going to go get a nice massage at the K spa. That's great. Oh, the Korean spa. So they're going to wash all the crevices. Yeah. And guess what the masseuse's name is, who I really love there. What? May.
oh yeah some may on may action yeah yeah yeah it's all i've ever wanted i i would go to the korean spa but i don't want to be in the nude Yeah. And everyone there's in the nude. Yeah, that's true. Well, they have like private massage rooms, but they are in the nude. You'd have to get your gams out. Yeah, because people, because the, for those of you who don't know the Korean spa is like a lot of different rooms and there's.
Steam rooms, right? And like rooms with water and you're getting washed off and scrubbed down. Yeah, the most intense room is an ice room. That's like an ice sauna that I, I love it a lot. It's very punishing, but you know, I like that. Yeah. You like a little danger with your massage. Yeah. Don't want to be too relaxed. I love a massage. I don't know if that I have to go back on the road again. right away on Wednesday. But I was proud of myself. I worked out four days in a row while on tour.
Yes, dude. That's huge for me. Yeah. I am determined on this tour to be much healthier than I was on my last tour. Yeah. I'm down 40 pounds and I'm going to keep it going. Yeah. My last tour was not healthy. So every hotel I went to the gym. Yes. Then when I got home, I treaded water. which is my thing now. Yeah. And yeah, I feel really hopeful about. the balance of this tour yeah great my thing is like on tour is um
my phone, like just getting back to the hotel room. I'm like, I'll spend, yeah, an hour and a half on my phone before bed. Yeah. Yeah. And just looking at like pictures people have tagged from the shows and people's comments and I just get sucked into a vortex. Well, it's hard to come down off that high, right? You have this show with all that energy and then you get back to your hotel and you're kind of... Having to slowly in increments come down from that. Yeah.
I get it. Some scrolling and looking at pics and be like, oh, that was fun. Look at what we did. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And sometimes people will tag you in a pic that is so unflattering and you don't repost those. Oh, fucking my life. I have some pretty unflattering angles. Well, good times. Should we get some questions? Yeah, let's hear from people.
Hello, Mae, Tig, and Fortune. In absolutely no particular order, you're all fabulous. My name is C.B., and I live in Austin, Texas. Thank you all for coming. What a treat. My question for you is, I just got a little cat that showed up at my door, couldn't find its home, and I'm looking to name it. It is white and orange. Very affectionate. Currently purring, if you can hear. If not, that's a bummer for you. Yeah, I couldn't hear it.
I want to know what to name it. And obviously my first choice is Handsome. But I'm also thinking about naming him Calcifer from the Studio Ghibli Howl's Moving Castle, who, you know, it's a little fire flame. So that's my answer. But I'm curious what yours is. handsome's a great name for an animal it is Cause you'd go morning, handsome. Don't cats, aren't cats like known for roaming around? What do we think this is someone's cat? Yeah. Yeah. I like what I like.
the idea of like I like human names for cats like Bruce or something you know Diane I'm going to go with the name tiger. Okay. Yeah. You went, this is pretty standard orange. Am I not to judge? Not to judge, but I'm going, but like exactly what I see. What's up tiger? Yeah. I don't, I don't mind that.
What about Tigre? Oh, Tigre is good. What about, yeah, I'm going to go Bruce or Diane, but I'm going to stick with that. Bruce or Diane. All right. But I actually, I think, I think handsome's a really good. Really good name. Should we hear another one though? Yeah. Hi, handsomes. I love you all. I think you're all amazing. My name is Ryan and I'm calling from New Hampshire and I made it to Toronto to see your live show with one of my besties.
So that's super fun. But what I wanted to ask you was, What do you think is your best impression of a person or a creature? Wow, that's great. Your best impression of a... A person? Just any person? Yeah, like an impression. Like your Jennifer Coolidge is very strong. I want a hot dog. real bad yeah that yeah what else have you got a person or a creature i've got um Well, I like to do Mr. Tumnus from Narnia. He's like half deer.
Maybe deer from the waist down and then men. But I can't really do it without standing up and doing the whole movement. He's like, Lucy Pevensey. I don't know. I really want to play Mr. Tumnus in the new Greta Gerwig Narnia. And I told my agents, hey, can you reach out to Greta Gerwig and tell her I really want to play Mr. Tumnus? And they were like, ha ha. And then like a week later, I was like, hey, did you do that? And they were like, oh, no, that's outrageous.
You're like, I need you to believe in me. I know. I used to do all my teachers and stuff in school. Yeah. But like celebs. I don't know. I really want to work on all the boys from Love on the Spectrum. Oh, yeah. I just saw someone on TikTok doing their... impression. It was pretty spot on. I think I saw the same one. Conor's voice is, don't speak to me about that. I know what it's like.
to live that way. That's a good Connor. And, and, uh, James is sort of like, yes, someone, is it, is it possible that we could? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And Tanner's like, I am a good guy, mom. I am a good guy, mom, right? That is, yeah. Yeah, Callie. Yeah, Callie. Yeah, I like ducks too. That's good. What kind of animals do you like, Kelly? Do you like dogs? Do you like elephants? Yeah, see, this is pretty good. I met Tanner in New York last season.
He and I both were doing the Kelly Clarkson show and he was so awesome. We took a video together, and then he and his mom and his sister Midge came to my stand-up show. No way. At the Beacon, yeah, and they were so great. I think it's probably a little overwhelming for him because, you know, it's like 3,000 people in that theater. And a lot of people, he's very recognizable. So I think it was like a stimulation overload for him. But he was.
Like that show, if anyone's watched Love on the Spectrum, I'm always telling people to watch it. I think it's just such a pure... beautiful show about people who just want to love and be loved. And it's like, Kind of takes you back to what dating and love should be. Yeah. Yeah. Just like so honest with each other. Getting a kiss is like the greatest thing.
in life they've not had one when seeing connor did you see the episode where connor got his first kiss yeah he's like hand was shaking and he was like it was incredible yeah i mean you're like that's what it's supposed to be like totally pure thing and i think that show has really made a lot of people sort of um raise their standards of what they're looking for just like kindness and openness and yeah and they are very honest if they don't like someone they're like can i just tell you i've been
i just want to be friends and they're like okay yeah yeah there's no games it's like really amazing to watch but i'll say their families are so wonderful too like Totally. The support these kids have on that show is really inspiring to watch. I know. We should definitely try and get a question from one of the cast. That would be great. Yeah, I could probably reach out to Tanner's mom. Oh, my God. Yeah.
That's amazing. So those are our impressions. Let's hear Rhianne's answer. Oh, I do have, I have a made up impression from Pam the mall walker. Yeah, let's hear it. It's a character I created. Hello, I am Pam the Mall Walker. I have my fanny pack on and I am ready for treats. Okay, I love Pam. And she just walks the mall? She walks and she has a fanny pack and she gets...
She puts little treats in her panty pack as she goes on her walks. Yeah, great. I actually do have one more. Yeah, give it to us. One time I was on the subway in London and there was this woman in her 50s and she was running to try to... make the train and she she ran in and she just made it and the doors closed but it was kind of hectic when she made it like she kind of stumbled in and then she kind of looked around and she goes, Jesus. And I think about it all this time. Jesus.
Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like, you know, to check for extraterrestrial beings when you're scanning the sky on a moonless night. You never know when you're going to spot a glowing orb or two.
Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Yeah, what has Rhianne got for us? When it comes to me, my best impression of a creature is actually of E.T. I can sound pretty much like him so this is an example E.T. phone home. E.T. loves handsome. Love you guys.
Wow. That was so much better than I expected. That was really good. Holy shit, Ryan. You got to go on the road with that. Isn't this fun when people have these little random talents? Yeah. I mean, I can do a thing where it sounds like there's a little man in my throat. Let's hear it. And I do it with my mouth closed, almost like a ventriloquist thing. Okay, ready? I can only say one sentence. Okay. Okay. I like it! I like it! I like it! Look! The visual of that.
That was pretty great. Wow. That was crazy that I'm single, right? Dude, you better get snatched up soon. I know. Do we have time for one more? Let's do another. Yeah. Hi, Tick. Hi, Mary. Hi, Fortune. My name is Morgan. I'm from Nashville, Tennessee. I just saw y'all at the Ryman, and it was such a fun show. You guys did awesome. My question for you all is, what is your favorite household appliance sound?
By the way, all of our question askers today came to one of our live shows. That's pretty cool. Yeah, very cool. Yeah. We'll have to do some more in the future. We don't have anything lined up right now, but those were so fun. We'll have to look into that. Yeah. Okay, my one is, and I don't know if this is a phenomenon in America that I was unfamiliar with, but... The past two places I've lived, the laundry machine, when it is done, plays a song that is so long. So this is it. Okay.
It still goes on. I've got to make a video of it. It's crazy. That's my favorite thing. It's a whole little dance break every time. My mom has one of those. It's like... But it's much shorter. It's crazy, though. I don't know that that's the specific tune. I've only heard it, you know, a couple times a year. But it's something. You should be able to program your laundry machine, you know, with the sound of your choice so I could get.
For instance, Rianne doing her ET. So every time my laundry's done, it's like, ET. I think you should be able to program your washing machine to sing. For some clothes like you. And it would make you want to do laundry more. You guys.
Don't see if it's into that. Whatever. I'm going to program my washing machine to do that. I don't know that song. I've been waiting for a girl like you. Oh, no. I've been waiting for a girl like you. I don't know why I don't know that. You still don't know that? No, but. Well, look it up. I will be. It'll... Blow your mind. Well, if I sing it and you don't like it, it's not going to get much better. Yeah, yeah. You're like Kelly Clarkson. I'm just like Kelly Clarkson, who, by the way, drove...
Did we talk about that? Drove the lesbians wild. Oh, by doing the Chapel Rhone song? No, but well, all the songs Kelly does drives the lesbians wild. But in particular... Kelly sang that song, just as kind of on a vacation far away. Come up, take something, come over, talk it over. There's so much that I want to say. You know I like my girls a little bit older. And then wink.
whoa she's saying that okay so the wink was what really so the yeah it's the it's called your love by the outfield and uh the lesbians lost their damn minds. Listen, we all just take what we can get and we get real excited. I think you should look up the video and see the wink and Kelly later got asked about it. And she just has said, oh, I wink in my song, a lot in my songs. And people were like, do you?
yeah that felt deliberate yeah she should own the wink i i have a real wink fetish like i people who can confidently wink i love so i i don't know if it might be dangerous for me to watch this you will i mean kelly's voice It's crazy. Already is just the greatest thing on earth. You know why I like it? It's effortless. It's like even because even Lady Gaga, even, you know, Alicia Keys, like they're they're amazing voices, but they're pushing. Kelly, it's like.
effortless it's like that whole range is just sitting there for her and she voice of an angel And I've been a Kelly Stan from day one, long before all these TikTokers got on board. Yeah. My entire four years on Chelsea Lately was at different times with me. giving a plea to Kelly Clarkson to come on the show. And she never did. And then I ran into her.
The year after Chelsea was done and I said, I used to talk about you all the time. She goes, I know. Oh my God. She's like, I know. And I had no impulse to reach. I know. And I did nothing. But. We're friends now. I've done her show 10 times more than anybody. 10 times? Holy shit. 10 times I've done the Kelly Clarkson show. They gave me a jacket on my fifth time. Whoa. From The Voice, it was a tiny jacket.
I don't get to go on there as much now that it's in New York, but she asked the handsome question too. Oh yeah, I know. Yeah. So we stan. We stan. Our gal Kelly. And don't you be driving those lesbians wild, Kelly, with your twink.
I'm going to watch that as soon as we're done here. It's pretty great. Should we hear Morgan's answer? So my favorite household appliance sound used to be the running dishwasher. It signaled the end of... a long day and I just felt like I had all my ducks in a row, but it has recently changed. My favorite sound is that of the garage door opening at the end of the day because it means my husband has come home from work and my son, whenever he hears it.
just lights up because he knows daddy's home and he's about to get to hug him and play with him and it's just so sweet and it just makes me feel really happy when I hear it. So yeah, I can't wait to hear y'all's answers. Thank you so much. That's so great. I totally forgot that that was the question we were answering. I didn't even answer it. Oh, yeah, sorry. Mine would be the vacuum only because similar to her, it ignites other responses that make me happy. And the vacuum makes Biggie bark.
And it's like, like he's fighting it. And I think it's the cutest thing in the world. And so sometimes I. We'll run the vacuum and push it near him just to get him going. Well, listen, he's pretty low key the rest of the time. Anything that amps him up is fun to watch. Well, this has been an absolute delight. What a delight. Such a treat. I always like answering questions from our fans. We do that at our live show as well. Yeah.
Fun people in the audience. Yeah. And it really does ensue some pretty crazy times. Yeah. At the end of our Austin show, we had to sing a song together. What a treat that was. Oh, yeah. I... I went weird there. I could see that that made you sad. We were like improvising a song that was like, thanks so much, Austin. We love you. And then it was my turn. And I was like.
sometimes I feel so lonely I want to die or something but I didn't even mean that it's just for some reason I think song I think emotions you want to go you want to emote yeah and then I was like okay and then I took over I was like thanks For coming to our show. Keep it handsome. Yeah, you rescued it.
But that's what we all bring something different to the table. And that's the beauty of it. Yeah, exactly. But please keep sending your questions in to us. You can go to speakpipe.com slash handsome pod. We want to hear from you. We want to hear your impressions. And keep listening to our regular episode and telling your friends about the pod. Come see me on tour. I'm on a huge tour that's going to a lot of places.
uh may are you adding any more shows for music or i am but i don't know them yet but i'm i am and in june i'm gonna be hitting three cities that i've never played music and it's gonna be fun nice Well, we're keeping busy, but we appreciate you guys listening. Yeah, we love you a lot. Yeah, we do love you a lot. Yeah, we love you a lot. We love you a lot. Don't talk to me about love. Mom, I know what it is. I know what it is. you I guess all that remains is to keep it pretty handsome.
Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tig Notaro, and Mae Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Woollett. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast! That was a HeadGum podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.
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