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Savings vary subject to terms, conditions, and availability. All state fire and casualty insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Pretty Little Episode. Welcome to a pretty little episode of The Handsome Pod. I'm Mae Martin, joined... One-on-one. With your very dear friend, Tig Notaro. Hello. Hello, May. Hello, Tig. Hello. How are you doing? I'm good.
Are you? Yeah, I had an apple. I'm going to go to the gym after this. I truly and almost literally have an apple a day. Really? Yes. Yes. I thought you were going to say something about the gym. But I love that you have an apple a day. I have an apple a day. I love it. I love it. I love it. And it always happens that when I sit down and have my apple.
Or she walks into the room and her imitation of me is... but um it doesn't seem to keep the doctor away for me though right right yeah who knows you could be at the doctor even more if you weren't that's very true it is very true What's your poison apple-wise? We're talking Gala, Pink Lady. Honeycrisp. Oh, yeah. Yes. Honeycrisp. And I think I mentioned it on here and somebody said...
I can't even remember the name, but Gothic Crisp. I don't know what it was. I don't know. I'm wrong about it. But I just really love a very crisp, crisp apple. I mean, if it's even slightly off. I mean, the mealy kind of apples, I really, I cannot do. Oh, no, no way. And when something's mealy like that, I will eat the skin off of it and then toss it.
Sorry. Yeah, you heard me. You'll eat the skin of the apple? Yeah, I'll go ahead and eat the skin because, you know, there's a lot of nutrients in that. But yeah, I'll toss the mealy part, the white. So you're taking little nibbles. I'll just, I'll just like run my teeth a lot, you know, like really pull that skin off. Oh, cool. Cause it's not mealy. I'm always scared that there's, you know, pesticides and stuff in the skin.
Yeah, well, there probably is. I do eat organic ones, but that's not always guaranteed organic. But, you know, also I've heard it's better to eat. any fruit or vegetables, whether it's conventionally grown or organic. As opposed to not having them at all, whether there's pesticides or not. I mean, it. It's a real toss-up with what's going on and the food going into our bodies. What level of ripeness of banana are you working with?
Oh, well, it's my understanding that the less ripe, the healthier the banana and the better that it helps absorb other nutrients for other foods that you eat. So I'll have some green on the yellow. Yes. For sure. I really don't trust people who like very ripe bananas. Yeah, like when it's mushy? Yeah, or just like brown speckled all over the... Oh, yeah.
That's a whole other flavor. Well, and you know, if you see a banana that has green on it with some speckly as well, that hasn't naturally ripened. I see. Yeah, they've used technology to ripen the bananas. So steer clear of those. No, I like like a slightly green banana for refreshing. A mild banana flavor. Yeah. But you need a mushy banana for banana bread. Absolutely. And I feel like I'm a little more flexible with smoothie bananas.
Yeah, sure, sure. But I never like, I remember my mother would be, you know, when there would be like little bruising on the banana, she'd be like, oh, that's the sweet part. And it still never tricked me. I was like, well, you can have that. I know. And then they asked for my rider when I was. on tour like what do you want in the green room and then I felt like such an asshole being like bananas but slightly green like I don't want ripe bananas
And you say bananas, like you sit down before or after a show and have more than one? Well, there's, you know, I had band mates, band members. But yeah, I would normally have one before, one after. Okay. Yeah. Good. Good for you, Mae. Thank you. You gotta splash out. What? You have to splash out in life. You gotta treat yourself. Splash out. I haven't even heard that before. Splash out? Yeah.
Really? Yeah. Thomas, have you heard Splash Out? I've never heard that. That sounds like a British thing. Really? I mean, I'm picturing you, of course, like doing a cannonball into a pool and splashing like in a celebratory way. Like splurge, you know, splurge. Sure, I've heard that. Nobody's told me to splash out in life, but you think I'm not going to start? I feel like I splash out in certain ways in life, but I really like this.
tread water you're splashing out in a way but no splashing out is like yeah just Just treating yourself, I think. Going for it. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Are you going to maybe try to splash out once today? And then let us let me know. I don't know if I have room in my day for a splash out. Stephanie and I have to go to the notary to get some documents for Max and Finn notarized.
Because she's going to be bringing them out of the country without me. Whoa. So you have to go authorize that. I have to sign a paper saying that I approve Stephanie taking them. over the border without me. I mean, hopefully they'll come back. Hopefully. Yeah. I mean, I really hope. Maybe you can, on the way back from the notary, splash out with like a nice coffee or something. I have a conference call right after the notary. We don't even have time.
Yeah. I mean, let me look at my calendar. So we're going to go to the notary. You tell me where I can splash out. Yeah. Because maybe that the notary. Oh, I know when I can splash out. I haven't taken a bath yet today. So after the notary, I need to take a bath so I can just splash out in that. Yeah. And then I have my call and then I have to start hair and makeup because, you know, I've got.
An awards show tonight. Oh, shit. What's the award show? It's not going to line up with when this comes out. But Stephanie and I were nominated. For the movie, Am I Okay? at the GLAAD Awards. Oh, the GLAAD Awards. Yeah, yeah. So like the way that you could make a, like, is there a way to make the bath a bit more luxurious than usual? Put a couple.
flower petals in there to drop maybe but i'm not really i don't want things floating around in my water right now i was asked to splash out in the outfit tonight with the tickets that they email it says to make sure to add bright colors to your outfit. And I was just planning on wearing black and Stephanie's wearing black. Yeah, I don't listen to that stuff, you know, because in those moments, I always think if I was Kurt Cobain or Slash.
Yeah. No, you're going to put your top hat on. You're going to put your raggedy jeans on. You're going to go to the event. You're not going to follow any sort of. rules about your wardrobe you should splash out at the event well that's what I'm saying is like Well, splash out, you mean outside of my outfit? Yeah, like, like splash out, like, like, you know, walk up to. some celebrity that you admire and say, hey, that's not really splashing out. It's more like
Ask the waiter, say, I know that there's, you know, free wine on the tables, but I would actually love an espresso martini or something like that. Oh, okay. All right. Without the... Alcohol. Or the espresso. Yeah, decaf espresso martini with no alcohol. Decaf non-alcoholic. drink. That'd be way splashed out. So that's even more than just an espresso martini. That is really the drink I cannot have is an espresso martini. That would really mess you up.
Oh, man, would I be leveled for weeks. That's so pathetic. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check and make sure you've got your cowboy boots on before heading to the hoedown. You know you're going to be two-stepping tonight. Checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate.
Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. But that first hour would be... electric. Yeah. Well, speaking of electric, should we get to our question? Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. Hello, handsoms. My name is Carla from Columbus, Ohio. Love your show. You all keep me company in the car a lot. And I love it.
My question for you is, what is your favorite love story, either fictional and or in real life? Oh my God, that's good. Yes. You know what? You and Stephanie, that's one of my faves in real life, you and Stephanie. Oh, that is so nice to hear. Because I'd watched your documentary before even meeting you guys. I just was very invested. I was going to say, I love my love story with Stephanie as well. I do. I do.
Yeah, I love it. And I hope we can maintain it forever and ever. Amen. I would say the love story that I... Love is Jimmy and Rosalind Carter. Oh, I don't know about that one, really. Oh, okay. I mean, these two, well, I mean, you know who Jimmy Carter is, huh? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But they were just obsessed with each other? I don't know. They just felt like a decent pairing of human beings that loved each other throughout the ages and they met.
Oh, wow. The couple who met when Jimmy was three years old and Rosalind was a newborn. Oh, my God. They wed on July 7th, 1946 and were married for 77 years. Wow. And they were such. I don't know, just giving to the world and their community. And when I looked at... At them raising a family and going through the White House as the president and first lady. And just staying so active in their lives. I'm so envious of...
77 years. I mean, these people, they both live to be like 100 years old. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's crazy. That's so appealing to me. I'm into, I watched the Paul Newman, Joanne Woodward documentary. That was pretty beautiful. And they had their ups and downs and, you know. As you do. Yeah. But oh man, like fictional. Because they're all so sad, the fictional ones. It's all Romeo and Juliet and you know. Uh, we'll get back to you about that one. I mean, even though I, I, I didn't, um,
want this relationship, but I was very fascinated by the Sid and Nancy story. Oh, yes. Totally. sucked in to that yes yeah Buffy and Angel for me as well like Buffy and Angel what is that oh so buffy the vampire slayer and then angel you thought it was one word buffy and angel no i thought it was two people but i just i was like i i thought maybe it was like a real not real housewives but like um
you know, where you pick your bride on TV, like The Bachelor or something. But anyway. No, Buffy is a vampire slayer and Angel is a vampire who has been cursed with a soul by a group of... traveling people who he ate a woman basically okay so like 400 years ago angel ate this woman yeah start from the beginning yeah and angel was uh a bad guy he was a bad vampire and he ate this woman and so named angel um yeah isn't that ironic wow yes and then he was cursed by
her family to have a soul so that he had to feel the grief of what he'd done. Because he didn't have a soul before. And so then he was a good vampire for 400 years. And then he met Buffy. But guess what, Tig? What, May? Part of the curse was if he ever experienced a moment of pure joy.
he would lose his soul again so he couldn't come he couldn't have an orgasm so he meets buffy and uh they fall in love and he's like this sweet, caring vampire who just drinks like cow's blood, you know, to get by. As you do. As you do. And then, and then of course, one night they have sex.
Buffy loses her virginity to him. She wakes up in the morning and he's evil. And this really warped my sense of relationships and sexuality. When I was a kid, I was like, if you have sex, the person will leave and never love you again because he turned evil. But then, you know, he's back and forth across the series, evil, not evil, evil, not evil. But it was a very romantic and tortured tale. Yeah, yeah. Wow.
And that's good. That's your story? Well, I just was deeply invested. Yeah, okay. Yeah, it's kind of your Sid and Nancy, I guess. They're my Sid and Nancy, yeah. Okay, all right. Well, should we hear what Carla has to say? Yes, please. Carla from Columbus. I love Ohio, by the way. My fictional fave is Morticia and Gomez Adams. I love the way they love each other.
My real life one is me and my person, Molly. We sat two seats away from each other in homeroom for all of high school and took many, many years to find each other again at 45. So Molly, when you hear this, let me know if you would do me the honor of spending the rest of your life with me. Thanks. What? What? Oh my god. What is Carla? Carla, Molly. You snuck that in? I mean, I didn't even know what was happening. And then now I have chills. Me too. I just got chills too.
That was delayed, your chills, Mae. Yeah, you had to say you had yours. I was more invested. Carla, is it Molly? Yeah. Wow. I know a Molly in Ohio. It's insane. Molly. No, I doubt it. Molly's my first girlfriend. So if it's Molly, Carla would know that and she would mention it. But wow. I hope that Molly says yes, Carla. We're going to need an update. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Oh my God. Mind blown. Yeah. That's amazing to be a.
a conduit for this proposal to be a part of your love story. We're honored. Well done, Carla. And welcome to the family, Molly. Very, very cool. All right. Well, gosh, can we even? I don't know how we're going to follow that. I don't know either. Do we do another question or we peace out there? We could do one more.
Mr. Thomas says we do one more. So let's do one more. Hello, Hansoms. This is Melody from Oklahoma City. And my question for you guys is, what is a smell that will transport you back? to a time in your childhood or teenage years. And it just brings back all the memories for you. Yes, I have it immediately. Really? What is it? Coppertone. Sunscreen lotion. Oh, man. Yeah, that thick. Yeah, copper tone, copper tone, copper tone. I'm right back in Mississippi.
Coppertone. What about you? Oh, man, that sounded like song lyrics. Coppertone, Coppertone, Coppertone. I'm right back in Mississippi. Coppertone. Well, write it for your next album. For me, the first thing that came to mind was my grandma. In her kitchen, it smelled like sausages. She always had sausages in the fridge.
Grandma's sausages. Grandma's sausages. In her problem area? No, in her... fridge and it was a cold kitchen always very cold and the smell of cold sausages in my grandma's kitchen The smell of cold sausages in grandma's problem kitchen. Yeah. You gotta write that song. You write it. You lived it. I did live it. Oh my gosh. What else? Like, I mean, cigarettes kind of because my parents.
both smoked in the house and then oh my gosh yeah my parents smoked not only in the house but in the car with the windows rolled up and if we complained about it which my brother did I mean, I already smoked, so I couldn't really complain. But my brother would complain. And I remember my stepfather, when my brother would be like, can we roll down the window? Rick would be like, no.
Oh, my God. Rick. Because we had the air conditioner on in the car, so nobody knew yet that we were being killed. Oh, my God. Also peanut butter cookies, baking. That's my only memory of my mom's mom, really. She died when I was like two, and I vividly remember so much about her house, even though I must have been two. Yeah, but I swear it's not from photos. It's like...
the smell of peanut butter cookies, baking, and then cinnamon hearts. Oh, peanut. Oh, okay. I was thinking of Nutter Butters. I was like, why were you baking your Nutter Butters? Oh, wait, what's that? The Nutter Butter is like a... A cookie. Oh, a cookie. Yeah. Well, it is vegan. It's one of those accidental vegans. Right, right, right. Well, should we hear Melody's answer? Yes, please. Mine is the smell of fresh coffee grounds.
When we would go on vacation with my family and my grandma and my aunt, you know, everybody smoked back then and smoked everywhere. But the combination of coffee and cigarette smoke. reminds me of being a kid and watching my grandma and my aunt and my mom sit around and drink coffee and just talk about our plans for the day. That's a smell that will always take me back.
to that Motel 6. of my use love it thank you guys have a good week you too thank you melody yeah coffee coffee grunts that's pretty evocative it is but it just reminds me of Every day now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't always get to have Coppertone around me. Right. Well, that was fun. That was fun. It's always lovely. I just can't get over the Carla proposal. I know. And how crazy if it was Molly.
following up right after if it if it hadn't been melody as soon as i heard my name is me i was like is this molly but it was melody i know if i'd known that something that monumental was going to come, we probably would have been a little more on point with our answer. Yeah, and I would have worn something different rather than a little denim western shirt that I've had for 30 years.
Has holes all in it. Look at that. I've had this for so long. That's perfect, though. It really is, I'm sure. Molly and Carla. Or is it Carla and Molly? It's, I mean. I don't know. We don't know these people, but I can't wait for their wedding. Same. I'll go. Yeah. You love Ohio. You already said it. Yeah, I do. I love Ohio and I'm open to them hiring me to officiate their wedding. I've done that before and happy to do it again. So give me a ring a ding. And if the price is right, I'll be there.
Anyway, in the future for other listeners, submit your questions and proposals to... speakpipe.com slash handsome pod that is speakpipe.com slash handsome pod and please come and see us live wherever we are and uh Subscribe to the pod and send it to your pals. Yeah, let's grow this handsome community and check out tignotaro.com for all local and international shows. And until next time.
Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast! That was a hate gum podcast.
Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like, you know, to check and make sure you got milk before pouring yourself a bowl of cereal. Although sometimes a bowl of dry cereal can still hit the spot.
Checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Savings vary. Subject to terms, conditions, and availability, Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.