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This is a HeadGum Podcast. Pretty little episode. Welcome to the Pretty Little Episode. I'm your host for today, Fortune Feimster. And I am Mae Martin, also hosting you today. Hosting. I guess that's where it comes from. We're hosting. Yeah, this is a party and we're hosting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we have no snacks to offer anybody. Yeah, no loot bags. Oh wait, I do have a cookie.
okay i do have a lot of snacks around my office was that from uh milk bar that cookie okay can we get them as a sponsor or something they know they're pretty tasty they're good um how are you for Oh my god, did you hear my voice? I just saw that you're wearing a bear t-shirt. Honestly, I did not do that on purpose. Is this triggering?
it honestly it did my blood ran cold for a second but then i thought no it's powerful and cool it's a big old grizzly right california you know because that's the the flat on the california flag is this bear right What is it, like a Kodak bear or something? I don't know, but I really did not do it with any intentions of bringing back bad vibes. I know, I'm like, is that a threat that Fortune's making?
How are you doing? I'll do this. No, no, no. Please, let it be true. I'll clutch my pearls like this so you can't see it. But that's the thing, though. We're in a new your, new me situation. yeah um and the bear has no power over you in that way anymore you're right and i don't think and the bear is no longer like that bear on your shirt is free roaming free yeah look at there's a seagull up here
Yeah, I love that. I imagine this is water. Love that. The bear is out enjoying a nice day. Yes, right? Not trapped. No. And you're free as a bird too. I feel it. I feel it. I want to have some flying dreams. I've been like, so I've been trying to get all spiritual and they're like, you've got to write down your dreams and, and in the morning and they're definitely messages from your subconscious.
All my dreams are about celebrities these days, which is better than just like tormented dreams about my ex and stuff or my exes and various, you know, my fights with my parents and stuff. But all I'm dreaming about is Angelina Jolie. uh paul mezcal like weird like people are popping in and they're usually like handsome people with angelina it was like i think we were cooking together or something just really domestic like celebrity moments
I actually could see that happening. Me and Angie? Like cooking a dinner. I'm not saying it has to be romantic. It could be. Because y'all are both sexy. But I could see y'all cooking a dinner together. What do you think she cooks though? I don't think she's vegan, but she could be vegetarian. Yeah, it could be. So some sort of like vials of vegetarian curry dish. Oh my God. A vegetarian curry?
yeah like with tofu wow tasty rice if she cooked something with coconut in it i would just eat it and not tell her i'm allergic oh my god i forgot about that i would feel bad wait but does all curry have coke is it all coconut milk no there's definitely ones without it okay i was like do you dream about celebrities ever where you wake up and you feel like you know them
I don't have a dream, but I did just have something last night that felt like a dream. And this is going to sound like bragging, but you did ask me. And so, well, and not in a direct way, but. No, I love it. If it's about a celebrity, I want to hear. I was at a party. And Jax and I were talking to a guy I just worked with. And Jax goes, oh, my God, that's J-Lo. I love J-Lo. And I said, I love J-Lo. And she walked past.
And I was like, but she was kind of like in a train, you know, where like she didn't want to really make eye contact with people. So she had her hands, I think, on the back of her publicist shoulders. Yeah. Okay. And she kind of was trying not to make eye contact with people, but she looked. right over to me and she went hey i love you i'm a big fan or wait no she didn't say i love you hey i'm a big fan and shook my hand fortune
Dude. What did the handshake feel like? A firm, proper handshake. Yeah, of course. She's professional. She's a businesswoman. Oh my God. And you actually had eye contact? Full on eye contact. Hey, hey, like, hey. Hey. And I did have the I love you. I took that back. Hey, I want to marry you. Hey, I'm a big fan. Handshake.
Did you return the compliment? Did you say I love you? Thank you. And she kept the train kept moving. But her publicist did look back like, who did she say that to? Oh, my God. That's incredible. Of everyone there. She was like, that was a good one.
Yeah, that's fucking great. That's great. Kevin Bacon also said it too. So it was a big night for me. I... met kevin bacon once at a party with us brett goldstein's plus one and of everyone there he i've never been more starstruck he has like a star quality he's just like an old time kind of chill he's like so chill what's up he's like what's up
I really like your work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, thanks, man. I really like yours. Oh my God, he's so great. I go, this is my wife. He goes, hey, how long have you guys been married? She's like, four, married, ten together. He's like, yeah, 36 over here. Sounds electric for this conversation. But he is so handsome though, isn't he? He's very handsome. Just like chill.
There's no pretentious stuff. It's just really like, what's up? Yeah. So, you know, obviously my validation doesn't come through that stuff, but it is cool. Every now and then, you know? Oh, man, you're feeling a little existential and low. And then J-Lo goes, hey, keep at it, soldier. That's exactly what happened, May. I'd been on a break for two weeks.
Hadn't been thinking about work. Hadn't been thinking about anything. Just feeling a little vibrations are low. And she just got it like, hey, yeah, thank you. It was like a nice reminder. Zapped you, right? Right in the soul. Right in the cooter. He zapped you right in the cooter. Hello, J-Lo. That's what I do this for. Oh, my God. I just said, I do it all for you, baby.
Yeah. Oh my God. That's amazing. Um, should we see what our listeners are feeling, what they're saying, what they're wanting to talk about? Hey there, handsome pod fortune may take. Man, I love all of you. You're so fucking great. You just make my afternoons so much better. My name's Erin. I'm from Albuquerque, New Mexico. Hi, Erin. My question for you. What did your childhood bedroom look like? How did you decorate it? You know, stuff like that. This pod, more than anything in my life.
Has me reflecting back on childhood. Me too. In a way that I haven't in years. Okay, this might take me a second. So like, Thomas, if we have to cut out pause, but I'm going to find a picture of my childhood bedroom and then send it to you, Fortune. Okay. And then maybe you could describe what you see. I can't believe you have a picture. I don't have one. Oh, you don't? No.
Yeah, got it. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Oh, my God. You're sending it? Yeah, I'm sending it to you, Fortune, and I'll send it to you as well, Thomas. Actually, I'll send it to Tig as well. Okay, I'm going to send this to Fortune, Thomas, and Tig. Okay. And then, okay, I've just sent it. So this is me. I'm probably nine, maybe 10. Here it is. So maybe describe what you're seeing. Okay, so May just sent the handsome pod a picture of their childhood bedroom. Wow.
And if you zoom in on the wall. So you kind of have like a Justin Bieber vibe. Oh, I'm looking personally. Ferris Bueller is probably what I was going for. Your hair is very brown. Yeah. You're in a very tomboyish, the best way to describe it, outfit. And around you are, well, you have your comforter is a map of the world. Yeah, I remember that. Wise beyond your years already.
I really wanted to discover the world. Yeah. You have a lot of stuffed animals. There's a monkey. Yeah, and my hair is doing a kind of swoop. It is kind of a Bieber swoop, isn't it? Yeah, the Bieber swoop. That might have been a Canadian thing. Maybe you have a monkey stuffed animal monkey, um, on a hanging from like, um, like a hammock or hammock. Yeah. You're a lot of monkeys, uh, stuffed monkeys.
And then on the wall is all women. Well, zoom in. It's only one woman. Oh, it's only one woman. Bette Midler? It's Bette Midler. I was obsessed. And it's, they're like sexy pictures of Bette Midler. Like it's clearly I'm in love with her. Oh, Tig just texted. Oh my Lord. What? Was this your fire orgy? Fire orgy. Also, you look almost the same. That is so...
It's just the horniest picture, I think. Like, my vibe is so like, what's up, ladies? Yeah, like this is your Tinder profile. Yeah. Tig says, very cute, but more handsome now. Yeah. And so many monkeys. Tig wrote so many monkeys. So many monkeys, yeah. And I like your style, kid. That's Tig's take. Tig's really... um responsive to this photo this is great um let's get her on the pod let's get her on the pod yeah i just facetime her and put her into this
Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Yeah, like you know to check that you got almond milk in the fridge before pouring yourself a big bowl of your favorite cereal as a late night snack. Yeah. Checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the U.S. only. Savings vary. Terms apply.
Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. I have to say, I loved Bette Midler as well as a kid. Did you really? Yeah, and the reason why...
She was on my radar. Well, A, the movie Beaches. Of course. One of the greatest movies ever made. That's incredible. I don't know how old I was when it came out, but I sobbed like a... idiot my mom showed me yeah beaches and all her other ones my best friend's dad you know bet's nickname was the divine miss m do i of course yeah
And my first name is Emily. Fortune is my middle name. Yeah. And he would call me the Divine Miss M whenever he saw me. Oh, I love that. And so she was very much on my radar because of that. Yeah, I used to listen to her album. She was just, she's vivacious, confident. What was all of her other? Risky business? No, not risky business. Risky.
uh i know what you're talking about you know what i'm talking about fuck what is it i'm picturing her in the outfit and the big hat uh hocus pocus of course for me but right before that it was like that midler movies hang on now i'm gonna have to imdb it yeah me too sorry ruthless people ruthless people yes i remember her episode of seinfeld was hilarious
I don't think I saw that. Oh, my God. Kramer is in love with her. It's just hilarious. And he makes a macaroni Midler. He makes a statue of Bette Midler out of macaroni. Really? And he brings it to her in hospital because... George accidentally injures her. What was your childhood bedroom like? So my, when I was little, little, I didn't have a bedroom. I was having to sleep in my parents' room because my...
Parents like to collect things. Gotcha. Junk. So what would have been my bedroom was full of junk. Right. And so I didn't really have a bedroom till I was. Or maybe I was in the junk. I honestly don't remember. I'll have to ask my mom. I went to Girl Scout camp. Shout out. You know, it always comes back to Girl Scouts. I think I was like seven. And when I came home, my brothers and my parents had taken the whole weekend to clean out that room. Oh, wow. And painted.
But like they made it the girliest room you could imagine. Oh my God. Pink. So pink walls. Oh my God. Like an antique bed. a blue and pink comforter, a little pink love seat couch, a dresser. Everything was pink. A pink little, another thing to put like a little tiny TV on. But were you just pumped to have your own space? I was so pumped. Yeah. I didn't care that it was all pink. I was so thrilled to just like, oh my God, I've got my own space.
It's clean. I can shut the door and keep you psychos out of my room. Yeah. And that mentality has stayed with me for years of just like, I've got my own space. It's clean. It's mine. Yeah. I'm good. Yeah. Yeah. That's I like that a lot. And you can curate it and be. Yeah. Yeah. And over time, I put lots of teeny bopper magazine things on the walls. Yeah. Would you cut out like boys that you've had a crush on or just random stuff? Boys. A lot of boys. New Kids on the Block was all over my wall.
No kids on the block. And probably like Joey Lawrence, like, you know, the blossom days, kind of that era. Blossom, yes. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think I kind of had like a blossom energy at some point in my life and I really am embarrassed. With flowers on them. Yeah, just kind of like, hey, like kind of. I did butch up my room at one point when I got to high school with a drum set.
Oh, sick. I had a drum set, but I never played it. Did you play yours? Yeah, but mine was terrible because I had been talking for years about wanting to learn how to play the drums, but it was also like a little masculine, so I didn't, you know. I wrestled with that. Really? And my dad back in the day used to buy a lot of stuff from like pawn shops. Yeah.
And he bought me a golf club once and he goes, I got you a golf club and your initials are engraved in it. I go, oh, wow, that's cool. And it was a used golf club. initials were just like the brand no way and i was like oh my god listen man i'm on to you um and he bought me a drum set from a pawn shop Now the bass drum worked and the cymbals worked, but like the snare drum was busted. It was a piece of shit. But I was so pumped to have a drum. So I played.
ish but it's nothing was in tune it was all like janky it was just a bunch of noise i also just want to say like we are the last generation that we can just go on youtube and be like learn how to play drums like you'd have to be like is there a book on how to do this like or get a teacher is there a teacher it costs you money
These days, yeah, anything you need is on YouTube. You could basically build a house by being like, YouTube, how do I build a house? What do I need? You really could. Yeah, seriously. Should we?
I don't know if I'd want to live in a house that we built. I trust you guys, not me. I don't trust myself. I trust Thomas to build a house. I would not be handy. Me neither. I think you and I are the... like the princesses of the pod really like take i think would get her hands dirty and build that house you and me would be like yeah i just want to gossip i love it let's hear what aaron had to say yeah
Admittedly, you know, I might not be too thrilled to say that I had floral sheets. I had a poster of Luke Perry in my closet. I had some fairy pictures up. I had a little boombox that I would freaking blast, you know, cassette tapes on and sing my heart out, you know. The little boombox is very, yeah, I would record songs from the radio onto my.
tape yeah yeah and don't worry may if you're okay with it we'll post your childhood bedroom picture when this episode comes out it's so crazy we have to it's i am the I'm such a little boy in it. Yeah. Love it.
Hey, handsome pod. This is Tyler from Philadelphia. I'm wondering what your strange food combination is that you really love or that you did love when you were a kid. And I'm not talking about like... pineapple on pizza that's normal stuff people just pretend that that's weird i'm talking about like a food combination that other people would frown upon or make fun of you for. What is your strange food pairing that you really love?
fortune your reaction says it all you got one this podcast is making me Reveal too much. Are you full of shame? Someone's going to bring this combination to your shows. There's one person in my life who knows about this. Oh my god, this is a real exclusive. This is an exclusive that I never thought I would have to share, because why would you? And he's my childhood best friend. We're still friends to this day. Shout out, Brian. And he used to see me eat this. And it's so foul.
I bet you there's going to be people listening that are like, I did that too. I don't know. They're going to think it's disgusting. And let me preface this by saying I would. never eat this now or in since then in like there's no world in which you could even pay me to eat this okay It'll sound sad when I say this. I'm fine. We're fine. My family, it's not like we were destitute, but times were very tight often.
My mom was a school teacher, especially after my parents split. The money was scarce. So we didn't always have like. fresh food in the house yeah and when you don't have a lot of money you just eat like shitty things because it's cheap and it things with preservatives because it lasts forever And so we rarely, there was a time when money was super tight and we didn't have often fresh milk.
I'm not saying we never had milk. My mom's going to be like, we had milk. There were times that it was tight, so we weren't going to the grocery store. Um, I, so we would always have like cereal. Cereal was easy to keep. It lasted a while. Um, and we had frosted, we love the sugary cereals. So we had frosted flakes. Yeah. Love it. Didn't have milk. Oh my God.
So you gotta, you gotta make do, you know, you gotta, I'm hungry. There's not a lot of food in the fridge. And one thing that also lasts forever is mustard. Wait a second. I did not see that coming. Wait, I thought you were going to say like orange juice and frosties or like, wait, what do you mean mustard? What do you mean? I put mustard. That's not a liquid. That's not a milk substitute. And I would swirl it around. I've always loved like a sweet and salty combo.
So are we talking like yellow French's mustard? Yellow French's mustard, sugary, sweet, frosted flakes. Oh my God. I can't even describe. what it just says like crunchy mustard you know i'm i'm really trying to taste it in my mouth and i think i do kind of get it like it's kind of like the like thai sweet chili chips or something like the like that's what i'm picturing like the lays
Yeah. I don't know how I created this other than, oh, I have this in the cabinet and this in the cabinet. Oh my God. And I'm hungry. Wow. And so the only person I would let see me do this was my friend Brian. Good old Brian. And he would always be like, what is this? And then even when we did have, I got accustomed to really loving it. So when we did have milk, I was like, I don't need it. I got my combo here. That probably stopped when I was about 15.
Whoa, up till 15. Yeah, I think I did it from like maybe 10 to 15. It sounds like you got a taste for it. Yeah, like you were like... Yeah, I got a taste for it. It ended up being delicious to me. I think... Thomas, we should put on the list trying this recipe. He's so grossed out. So anyway, that's wildly embarrassing. No, it's not. That's how much I love the pond. That's incredible. And I couldn't have guessed it.
I couldn't have guessed it. It would have been worse if it was like mayo or something. I can get behind like the flavor combo. Yeah, yeah. Thank you for being there for me. Well, I want to try it. Do you have one? No. combining things no that wasn't my arena of creativity you like to keep things in their place yeah keep things in their place uh no maybe like celery and cheese whiz but that wasn't that weird at the time yeah
In Canada, our big thing was like our parents didn't let us have cans of whipped cream. And so anytime they would go out for dinner and leave me and my brother, we would run to the corner store and we'd buy a whole can of Miracle Whip and we would eat the whole thing. You have, um, wait, of whipped cream you mean? Yeah, not, not miracle. Like, um, ready whip, ready whip. That's it. Ready whip. Okay. Oh my God. I want it now. Ready with an I. Yeah.
And whip with no H. Yeah, really. They're really mixing up. Do his own thing. Should we hear Lee's answer? Yeah. I actually have two answers from when I was a kid. One, I used to put sprinkles inside of slices of cheese and like roll them up.
and eat them just like that. Just sprinkles and cheese. Super good. I also used to dip around Philadelphia. We called them ho-hos. They're like little... chocolate swiss rolls i would dip those in cheese sauce so i think you know the theme here is cheese um both sound disgusting and when i was eight i was really convinced that they were delicious
Thanks so much. Love your pod. Thanks, Lee. Amazing. Yeah, those little mini chocolate roll things in a cheese sauce. Wow. Okay, we got a lot to try. Yes, we do. Oh, man. I love it. Well, what another fun podcast. What a podcast. I learned about your childhood bedroom. You learned about my weird eating childhood things. Yeah, I love it. We're always learning.
It's made me want a hot dog. I'm thinking about mustard and yeah. All right. All right. I'm off to have a hot dog, but keep sending in your questions, please. We really love them. You go to speakpipe.com slash handsome pod and send in your question and your answer, please. Absolutely. Thank you guys for listening. Check out our full episode on Tuesday. And until then, keep it pretty handsome.
Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast! That was a HeadGum podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.
Like, you know, to check that all your buttons are buttoned and your zippers are zipped before you head out the door in that fresh new outfit. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you. Hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the U.S. only. Savings vary. Terms apply. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Northbrook, Illinois.
Hey, it's Nicole Byer here. Let me ask you something. Are you tired of endless swiping on dating apps? Fed up with awkward first dates and disappointing hookups? Girl, same. Welcome to Why Won't You Date Me? The podcast where I figure out love and how to... suck less at dating. Each week, I get real with comedians, friends, and celebrities about their love lives. We swap dating horror stories, awkward hookups, and dive into the messy and wonderful world of relationships.
I've chatted with amazing guests like Conan O'Brien, Whitney Cummings, Sarah Silverman, Trixie Mattel, Tiffany Haddish, and so many more. So whether you're single, mingling, or booed up, there's something in it for everyone. why won't you date me with me, Nicole Byer, and discover insights that might just save you from your next dating disaster. Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and catch full video episodes on YouTube.
New episodes drop every Friday.