Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check that the foundation is rock solid before you buy a house situated on a hill. Yeah, checking first is smart, so check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the U.S. only. Savings vary, terms apply. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.
This is a HeadGum Podcast. Pretty Little Episode. Gets me every time. Hello, Mae. Hello, Tig. How are you, more importantly? I'm doing well. I have a question for you. Oh boy. Here we go. What is it? Do you have makeup on? You know, I do. You know, I do. This is so strange. Like I, first of all. I knew it was just you and me today. So I had to make an effort. Hello. I woke up. No, I like I normally put on like I was like a sunscreen that's tinted. But today I.
I went the whole hog. I mean, like. Why did you go whole hog makeup? Aside from me. I don't. You know what it is, if I'm being honest. Please. Okay. If I'm being totally honest. I would love that. which I try to be with you this clip was put like a handsome clip was posted and I just thought I gotta step it up this is I was wearing a baseball hat I'd been I looked like I hadn't slept in weeks it was like from
when I was in Toronto and I thought these are, if these are going to live on the internet. So today I did tinted. I put my eyebrow stuff in. I put bronzer on. Wait, what is eyebrow stuff? Please tell the person who does not. You need to get into eyebrow stuff. What are you saying about my eyebrows? Well, your glasses kind of obscure them a little bit, but you want to buy a product called Boy Brow.
Now, boy brow. Boy brow. Yeah, and Thomas, I would recommend this as well. It's like, anyone can use it. For his mustache? Yeah, for his mustache. You just brush it through the eyebrows, you know? But why is it boy brow? Well, it's stupid. You know when you buy jeans that are boyfriend fit? You know, like just bad branding. It gives you just a darker brow. And so boy brow would be so that, you know, a gentleman like Thomas would feel comfortable buying that makeup. Yeah, maybe.
Yeah. Or is it for, who's it for? I guess I'm confused. It's a good question. It's either for people who are like, I want my eyebrows to look like a boys or for boys who are like, I can buy this because it says boy. But wait, don't boy brows like have wiry hairs going everywhere? Because if so, I already have that. You're thinking of old man winter brows. Grandpa brows. You're thinking of grandpa brow, which actually you should start as a product.
I've already started it right above my eyes. I'll tell you what. They are going strong. You're not wearing a stitch of makeup, but you look handsome as ever. Hello. I just put... I just washed my face and I put this, um, face cream on and then I just head out and then I never, uh, glance at myself again for the rest of the day. And, uh,
Ever catch a glimpse, I'm usually a little startled. Really? Oh, yes. Because in your mind, there's someone else that's going to look different. And then you catch a glimpse and you're like, oh, right. Well, I'm not even thinking about it. And then I'll like catch a glimpse of myself and I'm like, Oh my God, what am I? I am. I'm the parent of two children. I'm 53. How is it that I'm wandering around the world looking like this? So I got to get myself boy brow.
You got to get boy brow. I don't think that's the only issue I have. I need boy teeth. My teeth are a mix between yellow and blue. So I have been watching over the past week. My life has pretty much been I've got really into like painting pictures and watching 90s Tom Cruise movies. So I have thought of you a bit. because you're Tig Cruz. But I've watched Vanilla Sky. I watched Eyes Wide Shut. I watched Magnolia. I'm going to be moving into...
I got to rewatch Jerry Maguire, one of my faves, but risky business, risky business cocktail. Like I want to do it all. Wait, wait, wait. I know I've talked about my old roommate, Chris Fairbanks before. Yeah. Have you? I'm about to introduce you to your new favorite thing and everybody listening is about to find out about their new favorite thing. Oh my God. It kills me even thinking about he. put himself into like a 30 minute version of the cocktail movie. No.
May. Thomas, have I sent it to you before? You haven't seen it? It is. It is so incredible. So hilarious. He's behind the bar shaking drinks with Tom Cruise. He's like out on the street, hanging out with everybody, talking. It is. The greatest thing. So look up Chris Fairbanks and cocktail. That's genius. You will, it will destroy you, especially if, and if you don't know Chris.
Look up his stand up and kind of get to know him and then watch Chris Fairbanks and cocktail. OK, I will. OK, I just we just started following each other on Instagram, so I'm going to. It's called Cocktails and Dreams. I just Googled it. Cocktails and Dreams. That's so good. How long is it, Thomas? How long does it run? It's 11 minutes. Oh, I thought it was 30. It was 11 minutes. I love that. Like most people would do like a, you know.
a 20-second viral clip. I love that he did a full 11 minutes of the movie with him. Well, this was years ago. He made this. I would guess it's been like... 13 years or something. Does it have a date, Thomas? So he's using rudimentary technology. Well, this is 2020, but that might have not been when it was made. Yeah, for sure. It's just when it was uploaded. Oh, okay.
Yeah, everyone go to it. Check the view numbers and let's see if our listeners actually go. That's 803 views right now. Okay, let's let's double that. Yeah, let's more than double that. Send it to friends. Let's let's make this go viral. Yeah. Also, you could just have it playing in the background of your day on loop like you. Yeah. Yeah. Get those numbers up. Now, my question for you is.
What version of Tom Cruise is most like me? Oh, God, that's that's really good. OK. The thing that first comes to mind is the movie Collateral, where he plays a bad guy with. Is there a plane? No, he's in a taxi the whole time. So collateral, he's a bad guy in it. But just like aesthetically, he's got shorter hair in that one. Because a lot of the ones I'm watching, he's got floppy, long hair. Yeah. I've had floppy years. Have you really? Yeah, I've had floppy years.
Not ears, but ears. Just to clarify, you've never had floppy ears, right? I have never. I mean, people have told me I have big ears before. Yeah. But I don't know that they're floppy and I don't even know that they're big. You know? Oh my God. If you had floppy ears, I'd be obsessed with you. More so than, what else would you apply to your face if I had floppy ears? Oh, you wouldn't recognize me. You wouldn't. I'd be full lipstick. Hello.
So I was watching Vanilla Sky, which is Cameron Crowe, and it's really good. And then I guess I watched it with my friend who's staying with me, and I don't... I don't smoke weed, but my friend does. So he got really stoned and he's really loving the movie. He's really...
It's really blowing his mind. And I'm kind of, you know, bringing him snacks. And then the movie ends and I start singing. I guess I remembered that Paul McCartney theme song for Vanilla Sky, which I don't know if he wrote it for the movie, but it's I started singing it. And I sing it like Paul McCartney and I go.
The chef prepares a special menu for your delight. All right. And my friend just doesn't know. It doesn't make the connection of what I'm singing or that it's connected to the movie at all. And he doesn't know that I'm doing a Paul McCartney voice. And for some reason. and it really spun him out. He was like, what are you doing, man? He thought I was just in the kitchen going, the chef prepares a special menu for your delight. He was like, is that your singing voice? Anyway.
that's so funny well I don't know how to transition from your singing voice to shall we get our first question? We must. I'm really bad at transitions and segues. Me too. Yeah. Me too. But yeah, let's get our first question. Oh, hey, handsomes. This is Helen from Columbus, Georgia, and I'm so excited to be asking you a question today. So I am a single mom, been divorced for about two years, got a cute little boy, and I'm ready to start dating again.
So my question is actually really for May, but everybody can answer it. May, you always ask such... interesting questions on the podcast. And it sounds like you're like a really interesting person to date. And so I want to know, like when I go on a date, What questions should I ask my other person to keep it interesting, to keep the ideas flowing, to keep the conversation going? I'd love any tips and ideas from any of you guys. Thank you so much.
Wow. Wow. Well, thank you for the compliments. Yeah. Huge compliments for you. None for mere fortune. I know. Listen, I'm sure you're. It's very exciting on a date as well. And also I can guarantee that I'm not. There's something a little like, yeah, I'm asking a lot of questions on.
dates, but am I ever sort of present and relaxed and enjoying the date? The jury's out because I'm thinking, what's my next question? I do think that is key, asking questions, you know, asking about their life and their... job, whatever, whatever is in whatever's going on in their world. Oh, my God. It's so it sounds so basic, but it's crazy how many people don't ask questions. Look, I can send this person my list of.
of questions if they want to do like full rapid fire, you know, but I like like a hypothetical. I like to get deep. There's a there's like that New York Times article, 10 questions that'll make you fall in love with anyone. that you can ask each other. I mean, don't frame it like that. It'll freak them out probably. But yeah. And is this for if you are on an actual date?
Or do you also like say you're out with somebody that you really like? Right. Is it the same? I don't know. I just like I like questions, but I am worried that like if you approach it like, oh, I got to get mixed. sure that I'm an interesting person on this date, then you're just going to be performing your personality. They've got to be questions that you're really interested in and want to know. But honestly, these days, just go on Instagram and start scrolling.
And the headlines that you see, like, that's what you got to talk about. Like, I saw a headline recently that was like, orcas have begun wearing dead salmon as hats again. And the headline said, Do you only read The Onion? no this is a true thing orcas are wearing dead salmon as hats again and then it said and we may soon know why how ominous is that we may soon know why but anyway and we still don't we don't know
No, they have no idea. It's a trend that they did 37 years ago. These orcas started wearing dead salmon as hats, like a fashion trend. And now they're doing it again for the first time in 37 years. This is true. I think I'm falling in love with you. See, it works. It works. It works.
Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check and make sure you have all your ingredients ready to go before you pull out the blender to make a smoothie. Checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the U.S. only.
Savings vary. Terms apply. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Northbrook, Illinois. I think if you're naturally interested in somebody. Yeah. You want to hear about them. You want to know what they're up to, how their day has been, you know, their days.
how and what they've been up to. How have the days of your life been so far? Go through all of your days. Well, don't you think someone could honestly just go through our podcast and all the questions that our question askers send in are... are really good date questions. Yeah. And you could be like, you know, Tom Hanks asked that. That's true. You could say that. But I think it, yeah, I think it all just boils down to taking an interest in the person you're spending time with. Yeah.
And if you really have an interest in them, you're going to really be interested to get to know them. Yeah. And I'm a big fan of activity dates as well. It is really it's intense to be sitting across the table. just making solid conversation for two hours, like go to, go to an art gallery or an escape room or, you know, that's my, that's my big tip. Well, great. Good luck Dayton out there. Good luck Dayton.
Did Helen have an answer of her own? OK, here's my answer. I don't know. That's why I asked the question. Thank you, guys. Love you so much. Bye. Great answer. That's fair. Classic Helen. Classic Helen. Classic Helen. The old bait and switch. Yeah, yeah. All right. What else we got? Hey, handsoms. This is Allison from Western Kentucky.
I'm very excited to see you all perform in Nashville at the Ryman. With it being such a classic venue, my question is, what is your favorite venue either to perform at or to see a performance? Oh, that's great. Tig, I'm curious. performed all across the country. And yeah, when the world may and the world. Yes. What's your favorite type? Well, I mean,
It can be so fun in so many different types of venues. You know, after you're doing theater tours, it can be fun to just walk into a little tiny club and have that in-your-face energy. Yeah. And then... I don't, you know, when things get too big, I feel like you lose the connection a little bit. And I know people are very, a lot of comedians are very into like getting to stadiums and.
you know, doing all that kind of stuff. Um, maybe it's my style of comedy where I'm like, that sounds like hell. That sounds like hell. I love, I love a theater. That's like 500 to like 3,500 somewhere in there. It still feels really nice. And I was actually just talking last night about how I did Carnegie hall and the way. that theater is built, just the tears of seating. It feels like...
It really feels like laughter is just raining down on your head because that's so nice. It is unbelievably nice. And I know it's shallow and steep where they're all everyone's got a good seat. Everyone's got a good seat. It's not like terribly shallow, but I don't, have you been in Carnegie Hall? I think so. Yeah. I mean, just.
Standing on stage, it's hard to explain. And probably if I walked in there right now, I'd be like, yeah, it's not that shallow. But there was something about it that just felt like the tears were just on top of me. And it just felt so. And I mean, tears of laughter. Yeah, you were drenched by the end. Yeah, that sounds that sounds amazing. That's I think my favorite type as well as a small theater that still feels intimate.
I love Largo in LA, but that's partly because I love the backstage so much. It's like if you were making a movie about a comedy club and you made your dream backstage. It's all twinkly and pictures of everybody. Yeah. But yeah. It's cozy. So cozy. But I did play in the Sydney Opera House and it was hell because it was like a mixed bill show and it was way too big. Yeah. Too scary. How big?
It's not even that. It's just designed for like incredible sort of orchestral music or something. And maybe I'm similar. Like if my style was like. pacing back and forth on the stage yelling delivering like really tight punch lines but I'm a rambler and a gambler you know Yeah, yeah. So I'm going Largo. You're going Carnegie Hall. But also, yeah. You know, I love Largo. I mean, yeah, you love Largo. You love Comedy Bar, Toronto.
Yeah. I mean, I, I even love someone's living room. I did a tour in people's living rooms, you know, that was incredible. At the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, there's some really cool venues because they're all kind of stone walls and there's something kind of like subterranean or like under a bridge. There's some weird damp little room. And I did like.
four or five summers in a row at this place city cafe that it's all different now i think they changed it but it was like underneath a diner and it was just like really low ceiling really and just Yeah, nice vibe. Yeah, those are really cool rooms. I also really love, in Colorado, have you been to Red Rocks? No, never. You're familiar with it? No.
Oh, you have to look it up. It's just the most beautiful outdoor amphitheater. Writing it down. Yeah. Yeah. It's right outside Denver. It's real good. It's outdoors. Cause usually I. I don't like playing outdoors. I've never performed at Red Rocks, but I've gone to see so many concerts there over the years. And it is a natural amphitheater in the mountain.
Oh man. It is so incredible. You have to look at it. That's incredible. And then I think, I remember you two recorded a live concert there and it's just, it's so great. Anyway. That's an interesting question. Yeah. Let's hear what Allison says. I don't perform, but I do love attending shows at the Ryman. I have been able to see Brandi Carlile there during her residency in 2020 and also the Leslie Jordan.
Friends performance in 21. I also want to point out that the opportunity presents itself for you all to premiere the Hanson band at the Ryman. There is no place more iconic for your debut performance as a band. And it's about time for Thomas to cross an item off the list. So I look forward to seeing you all. Thanks.
It's time for Thomas to cross an item off. That is crazy. When you think about that, we've only added items and never crossed. That does kind of bring you back to reality. Yeah, we have done. nothing. Yeah, we've done absolutely nothing. And it's interesting that she brought that up because I was just saying to Stephanie the other night, I had forgotten about the suggestion of us. I mean,
I think it was my suggestion where I was like, I think we should start a band. Yeah. And I brought that up to Stephanie the other night. I was like, God, we, we were talking about doing that and we never did it. And I really want to. Yeah, I know. I don't think we're ever going to, though. We all are too many moving parts. Well, what if like when we go to do the rhyme and we get there like a day early and we just have like an afternoon to see what we come up with?
And we could open for ourselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We could do just like three songs. Exactly. I feel like you and me are more into it than Fortune. I think we got to push Fortune. Oh, I think Fortune. If we got the music down, Fortune would be strutting all over that stage singing her gospel tunes. Yeah.
Well, maybe we need you, you, me and Thomas secretly get together and practice. Thomas on keys. And then, um, and then you're on guitar. Yeah. Drums. Yeah. And then fortune just comes in strutting around. Yeah. I mean, people would go nuts. I want it. I mean, and when I say people, I mean like a handful of our fans would definitely enjoy seeing that. A really specific group of people, yeah. Okay. All right. Maybe we'll work towards scratching that off the list. Thank you, Allison and May.
This was a fun episode. It really was. Yeah, it's always a pledge. Always a pledge. Keep sending in your questions for us, please. Submit a question at speakpipe.com slash handsome pod. Go to handsomepod.com for merch as well. And subscribe to the podcast. Tell your friends. Review and rate us. Give us some good rave reviews. Yes, please. Yeah, because we're getting together on weekends and weird times in all different cities trying to make shows for you.
Yeah, we'd love to keep doing it. You can watch the shows on YouTube if you would like to see my full face of makeup. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yes, check out The Boy Brow on YouTube. And we'll see you in Nashville, right? See you in Nashville, yeah. And I guess until then, keep it pretty handsome.
Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast! That was a hate gum podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check that you wrote 2025 and not 2024 when you're writing the date in the new year.
Yeah, checking first is smart, actually. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the U.S. only. Savings vary. Terms apply. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.