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Pretty Little Episode. Welcome to a pretty little episode. I am FortuneFamester. And I am your friend, TIG Notaro. You are our friend, TIG. I am. I am. I was going to say I'm a friend to everyone, but I feel like there's a few people that probably doesn't. They're not on that list. Yeah, I'm probably not on their list, but I would say the majority. That's good. Yeah. Yeah. How are you doing, bud?
I'm doing all right. I'm in Toronto. You are not. No. It's hot as balls here. Just a chat. TIG I'm telling you. I don't know a lot about balls. I've heard their hot when they get, you know, stuck in the. This is starting us terribly terribly. I cannot believe how much balls come up. I know on this podcast. I know.
I don't know how that happens, but somehow it does. Yeah. It's hot here. Is it nicer weather there? Is it chilly? Yeah. It's definitely starting to get chilly. I mean, look, it's not as cold as it gets here in Toronto, but it's getting like at night when I go to bed, I can feel that it's it's chilly. When you when you have your onesy on. No, I'm just in my panties.
It gets really cold there. You're going to be there in the coldest of months. Yes, I am. You're going to blow away, TIG. I know. Blow away. Why would I blow away? Because it's cold. Yeah, we called and I assume there will be some wind involved at some point. It's so funny. When I was little, I was such a picky eater. Like it was real bad. And my mother used to say, if you don't eat, you're going to blow away to win, Ville.
Have you ever heard of windville? Have we talked about this? I've never heard of windville, but it makes total sense to me. Well, I thought it was real. I thought it was a place. It was apparently where skinny kids lived. Yeah, I just blew there. I didn't blow there either, but I also it didn't change anything for me. I just felt like whatever I'll take my chances, you know, not eating this hamburger. I'm going to have a piece of cheese and a pickle and I'll be on my way.
A piece of cheese and a pickle that was the meal. That was about what my palate. Yeah, I didn't have windville, but mine was like, if you don't stop eating, you're going to fat camp. Did that come up? I never went to fat camp, but I did get sent to a nutrition class when I was 12. Was there was there a threat of fat camp didn't come up? No, because we couldn't have afforded fat camp anyway. Whatever that was.
But somehow I think through insurance, we were and my mom knew a lady at church. Of course. I held nutrition classes. And did you go to one? I was like me and six, 45 year olds. That is hilarious. When you actually went to like three classes and insurance covered that. I think I want or the or the nice church lady gave us a deal. I bet that's what it was. Yeah, you know one of those classes.
Kind of like what when remember when Oprah lost a lot of weight and was like she brought out that will barrow or whatever. Yeah, look at all this fat. Yeah, yeah, it was kind of like this is how much sugars and all this stuff. And I was like, whoa. That looks delicious. That sounds good. But then it didn't take then but then like three years later, I went on a health cake and I lost like 50 pounds and some of that did come back into my head of like.
You know, that was when like counting fat grams was the big thing. I don't know if you remember that that era vaguely ahead of friend that was always switching diets and she did like a cabbage soup diet. And then she was eating all like fat free cookies and it was that era fat free cookie everything. Yeah, snack wells and things like that. Yeah, yeah, I feel like we lived in Austin then. Yeah, me and my friend and yeah, she was just living off of these fat free cookies and crack.
She was like, this is incredible. There's no good. None of it was good for you. It was like there might not be fat. There's like all the other things. Chemical, there's not you're not eating food. You might as well just ingest the cardboard box that came in. Yeah, but I could slam some snack wells cookies. Are they still around honestly? I don't know because yeah, that was like a that was like a big fat. Everything was fat free.
How did that count? Like you you count fat that you eat like points. It would be like this many fat. You can have this many fat grams in a day. So I clearly, you know, none of it took too much, but I got I got healthier in high school. So that's all that matters. So so some of the information stuck, but I don't know how I don't know how I also
much weight, I don't know how healthy I was, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, but yeah, it's all it's always a journey. Everything is everything is it is my friend. Well, maybe our friends have some questions on their journey. Maybe, maybe so. I do before we get into it, I have to brag about something. Please, I got a text from Stephanie. Yeah, Max and Finn won their first baseball game.
Their team is is the worst in the in the league in the league. Yeah, but I don't know if I told you that Finn was like, I think I need to join a different league. Today, Finn, not only hit a home run, but he hit it out of the baseball park and no kid in that league in the history of time has hit a ball out of the baseball. Wow, that's incredible. That's not easy.
No, and Stephanie sent me videos and like, yeah, the whole team just jumped on top of him and Stephanie was like, I'm crying. Anyway, that's so cool. It's so great. And then Max, I guess stole every base and didn't get caught or I guess tagged out caught.
He wasn't caught. He wasn't tagged out. So they had a pretty great. They had a double header. Amazing. Yeah, yeah, pretty. Well, look at them keeping a handsome. I know they really are. That's awesome. High fives to Max and Finn. High fives. And yes, we can get into what are handsome and pretty little listeners are wanting to ask us. That's right. All right. This question comes from Bell. Bell of the ball.
I can't get a handsome from Sydney, you South Wales and Australia. You're all doing well. Low key have a crush on me. Feel good. That show awakening excellent. Anyway, my question for you all is why does fortune always have to be the one that gets in trouble. Thank you. I feel like you need to be getting in trouble a bit. I feel like when I say you're here, someone do something wrong in my head. I go fortune. And I feel like this should be a Tiga equivalent. That's right. Anyway, okay. Yeah.
What a let down for Bell that may isn't even here to answer this or talk about it. It's just me and you all is going to say join the list. A lot of people think may is high, which we totally give. It's a very handsome group here. Yeah. I mean, take your pick of handsome. That's right. Always may. Bell, it's it's a thing we have to go through us in Jennifer Lopez with V hits. What is that? That was that was.
That was what I was trying to. I know, but why Jennifer Lopez? It's one of the few names I can say in an Australian exit is Jennifer Lopez. I was like, what this must be a line in a movie. I don't understand what's happening. No, I can only say two words very well. Jennifer Lopez and Riza Blitz. I can't I can't do that accent. It's hard. Not everyone can be a chameleon like me. I can only do Cajun.
I don't know that I could do Cajun. Oh, you can't do Cajun. You. Yeah, but you better learn how to do Cajun. I don't know. Cajuns are probably like she can't do that. Boston. No, it's not Boston. Has that been aflick? Come here you come. Come here you let me cut your hair. You. That is not Boston. I wonder if we have any Cajun listeners. We've got to. There's got. So I should get on my
trouble. Well, because you I'm not. Yeah, but you're a good little girl. And I'm a pretty little lady. You're pretty little lady. You went to church. You made good grades. You know, you listen to your. Yeah, you follow rules. So when you talk about sweaty hot balls. I'm so deeply disappointed in you. I think I know, but it is fun to get you rolled up sometimes although many of the times to doing it. It's for comedic effects. I would say every single time. There hasn't been.
Wow, the first time might have been a genuine fortune. What was it? Do you know? I probably said something dirty about hand jobs or something. Yeah, and you that was your genuine reaction. And now and then everyone got a kick out of it. And so now now it's for comedic effect. But now and still and maybe we've talked about it. Some people don't get the joke and think that I am actually really upset with you, which is hilarious, which is hilarious. And we can't stop the ride for that.
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Because Jack's read something a couple weeks ago and they're like they're like the sun that have a podcast somebody thought tick was mad at you. I go, take it's not mad. I don't know what we were talking about, but I can assure you tick wasn't mad at me that I was mad at you, person. Yeah, that you sounded annoyed or something. I'm like, it was 100% a bit.
Here's the problem. I have a very dry delivery and sometimes I pretend to be upset like I was just out of pizza party and somebody was showing me or I was showing them something on my, oh, I was showing the home run that fed me in the girl touched my phone. I was like, oh, no, and I pulled it away from her and said, I'm sorry, you can't please no touch my phone. And she did look at me for a second. Like, oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I'm like, what did you do to annoy you? Did she really think really I think I didn't do anything. I might have been not a dirty. Yeah, that's all that's ever happening. But if do you feel like I should get in trouble fortune? Yeah, I'll get in trouble. Well, that's a thing. There's not much that you could say that I think would like shock me or me have that reaction. Now, may on the other hand has had some shocking revelations.
Being very sex positive, which is amazing, but sometimes I clutch my pearls. Yes. Yeah. And then I yell at you and then I get in trouble. That's what's, but that's all right. I think so crazy about being a comedian, especially for so long.
Nothing real. I mean, I'll speak for myself. It's hard to offend me. Same. It's hard to hurt my feelings. Same. I've had people say, you know, like, hey, I've been meaning to talk to you about this. That time that, you know, I said this or that to you. And I'm like, first of all, who are you? No, no, no, no, no, no, but like I, it's just it's really I think it's such a different world because comedians sit around and, you know, tease and joke and say tell weird stories and reveal everything.
And so then somebody comes along and they're like, you know, hey, can you not use my whatever. It's like, yeah, no problem. And then they apologize later for telling you not to use something. Yeah. And it's like, and it was a big deal for them to speak up. But then you're just like, I have people saying horrible things all the time around me or to me.
I don't know. Same. I don't I'm not easily offended. I don't get my feelings hurt easy. I'm pretty like I'm just used to. Yeah, you can be like talking with a bunch of comedians being vulnerable and then they're making fun of you five minutes later. Absolutely. Part of part of the deal. Yeah. And we all do it to each other.
Yes. And we all have different ways of doing it. Different deliveries. All sorts of things. And that makes it fun and interesting. That's a song. That's a song that we're singing. Singing in Will. In when will. Well, I don't think we answered the question for bell. I think we did. Did we? Yeah. And here's the answer. The reason I don't get in trouble is because no one's actually getting in trouble. There you go. Flaught.
See? Yeah. All right. Next question. Hi handsome podcast. This is Jean from Peoria, Illinois. And the question I have for you three comedic geniuses is what joke have you heard from another comedian that has made its way into your daily life. Or daily lexicon like you bring it up to your significant other while you're walking around the house cleaning or have a joke with your friends about it or you know family joke where you bring it up.
And you know, a joke you love. Well, I mean, I really love this concept. I don't know that it's like infiltrated my day to day life. I mean, there's so many little gems out there. I mean, you have one that I think I've told you I just love the like because she's my best friend. Yeah, when I heard that years ago, I was like, Oh my God, that is so funny. I think that's that was that joke of yours that like put you on a map in my brain. You know what I mean?
I mean, you like are really aware of somebody. Like you got that's what got my attention. Yeah. And then the comedian Bill Hicks. I love this concept so much. I just think it's so smart and silly and great, but and true, but he talked about like why is it that when people are on drugs that they only think they can fly when they're on top of a building, not when they're just like on the street.
It is like that is so funny. Like to picture somebody like flapping their arms walking down the street saying like I can fly. Yeah, it feels very 70s or 60s for people to think they can fly when they're on drugs. Yeah, I haven't heard about anybody thinking they can fly anymore.
That was during the time when they were like warning us not to take was it was a PCP. You remember, yeah, a person downers like don't take downers because they played they used to play that on that PSA and when I was in school of the girl jumping through the window or something.
Oh, because she took PCP. I don't even went. Oh, is that the same as angel dust. Yeah, I know. Okay, because I remember growing up being like do not do angel dust. Yeah, what was that PCP angel dust. You're going to think you can fly.
And then they would show that PSA to us. And we were like, oh my god, this is terrible. Yeah, I don't want to do that. I don't want to jump through a window. No, thank you. Yeah. What about you? I love stories. Obviously, because that's what I lean into neighbor, dad, see has many stories I love.
But he has a whole bit about ordering coffee with cream in Starbucks and they end up giving him coffee with whipped cream. So he goes to this whole thing of like being an adult man like why would he order coffee with cream. You have to listen to it. I can't do it justice that bit and him they might both be from his Tennessee kid special. I want to say that one and he drove by a horse that he thought was dead.
And he went through a whole scenario of what he and his friends would have to do to help pick up a dead horse. But they're so funny. I'll have to check that out. But one joke that and I couldn't quote a single other joke of his, but this one I saw at the comedy store. And it made me laugh. The old one. The old one did a joke once where he goes. So so my cousin got bit by gay. And he does. He has his long paws and he goes, so we'll see.
And it made me laugh because I wasn't like, I was like, because you know what you hear the set someone be like, Oh God, what is he about to say? And it just went in this whole other direction that I was not expecting it made me laugh. So we'll see. So my cousin got bit by gay. So we'll see. That's funny. What was that first thing that you said about Nate?
The coffee with cream. Oh, yeah, yeah. One Stephanie and I were going to Mississippi for my father's memorial. It was like out in the middle of nowhere. And we stopped at some diner or something. I mean, just in middle of nowhere, Mississippi kind of place. And they sold coffee. And Stephanie is like, Oh, they sell coffee. Let's stop in there for coffee. And I was like, this is not going to be like, you know, like a fine roasted bean.
No, no, this is not even going to be Starbucks. And so we go in and she ordered a coffee. It might have been a latte or something. Not only was it burnt terrible disgusting, but the woman behind the counter did say, you want some whipped cream on that. Stephanie was like whipped cream. She was so confused. And I was like, yeah, I don't think that there. This isn't a latte. Even if you ordered a latte, this is not a latte.
Oh, I will say to your Taylor Dane story. It comes on quite a bit on like Series XM on different comedy channels. And I will I have sat outside like a gas station and just listen to the whole story. That's a 13 or 14 minutes story. Well, sometimes I'll just sit there and listen. Well, that's kind of you. Can I tell you what it started out as? What 20 minutes? And I remember the first time I tried it out. I was at the more theater. This is so many years ago. And I had not gotten it worked out.
And it was still at the 20 minute length. And I essentially told a boring story that bombed for 20 minutes. And so even at 14 minutes, if it's not going well, it's a struggle. Yeah. And I buckled in you went in for it. I went in for it. And I will never forget it. And I'm sure the audience won either my apologies if you were there for that. And look what it turned into though. Yeah. Well, it's your jeans answer.
The one we have is from a member of the handsome podcast. And it is fortune. You hadn't swam. And my wife and I say that conservatively 10 times a week to each other at some point. Thanks for answering. Really love the show. That's amazing. That was my story about from my sweet and salty special where I couldn't do the butterfly. So I ran across the pool. Well, you've made it into the hearts and minds. That's right. Of Jean and crew.
And many others too, fortune. I did forget about his part of it being part of your like daily life. I don't think I'm like yelling anyone's joke on a daily basis. But these are jokes I think of quite a bit. Same. I don't think I have anything from anybody stand up to that would be like if you're a dentist and you're like constantly talking about another dentist in their work. You know what I mean? Yeah, kind of. It's pretty much the same thing. It's exactly the same.
All right. Well, I think that's it for this pretty little episode. Oh, this was fun. Travel with you. And yeah, just make sure you submit your question to speakpipe.com slash handsome pod. Yeah, ask us a question. We can't wait to hear from you. And until next time, huh? Keep it pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tignotaro and Fortune Feemster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willett.
Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsome pod. What a podcast. What a podcast. That was a headgun podcast.