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This is a Headgun podcast. Handsome, childhood friends, all handsome pod, childhood friends, all the handsome pod. Cheers! Welcome to another episode of the Handsome podcast. I'm one of your hosts, Mae Martin. Join as always by my stoic brave handsome co-hosts. Fortune Feemester. And your very dear, dear, pale, Tick Notaro. Thank you, you're on Handsome. Here we are. Here we are. Keeping a handsome. How are you, my handsome friends? I'm doing well. How are you?
So good. Is anyone want to see what I'm working with right now? Whoa, mustard. What is going on? Is this from treading water? Yeah, baby. Your biceps are popping. That is crazy. Tell us everything, Fortune, because you are looking quite trim these days. Well, I saw a video. This is not what sparked this, but I was in the midst of two crazy back-back tours. Each tour was a year and a half, 100 cities, 150 shows. I went from that first tour right into season one of Fubar.
I finished that, started my next tour, 150 shows, 100 cities, right into Fubar again. So like a year ago, I saw my face and body. And I was like, this is not good. I'm not taking care of myself. So I've lost like 40 pounds. Wow. That is no joke. And how are you feeling? Good. I feel very good. What I was saying is they did like a best of videos on our handsome socials and Jackson have both are like, holy shit. You know on the road, you just don't take care of yourself.
Yeah, like you have no routine, you're traveling. You're eating at weird times. And everyone was telling me I was looking tired and my hair was like turning gray and my face was really bad. And it was like I was breaking out. I feel like I just like, yeah, finally just real, real some of that in and trying to take some time for myself and every day I've been getting in the pool and just how it and it's a good, like you said, it's a good meditation.
Yeah, but it's also good for for my muscles. Yeah. So you're doing it. How many times a week now? Right now, but since I've been home, which is only been a few weeks, I've been doing it like five days a week. Wow. That's amazing. I am. But I mean, that's still really impressive fortune. Thank you. I mean, listen, I will, we've talked about it before. I'm always up and down. It is such a journey for me. So many times that I'm not doing anything, but right now I feel very good.
Well, that doesn't none of that cares. We're just talking about right now. That's really incredible. For the record, I feel like only parents should be able to say you look tired to someone. That's like the craziest thing to volunteer. You look tired. If your parents says it, it's like they're concerned, you know, they're little babies tired and sleepy. I feel like I was getting a lot of people told me. I'm sure you were very tired. I was. Yeah. Under my eyes were out of control.
Yeah. Yeah. So I'm not going back into a hard core tour. I'll be doing dates here and there and I have to work on my new hour. But I'm not going into a theater tour until like April. Yeah. There's only so many like, I don't know, eye creams and shortcuts you can take it. Like really do just need sleep. Yeah. And some eye cream never hurt. And some eye cream. And from J.Lo. From J.Lo. I love her. Jennifer Lopez. Jennifer Lopez. So yeah, I'm feeling good. How are you guys are doing all right?
May you said you're tired? I'm always tired. I'm always tired. I don't think you just heard from your mother that you were tired. Yeah. You're actually called the mother. May looks tired. I have like three weeks left, but I'm I'm just looking at the window behind me. I can see the park. It's such a lovely evening and people are playing softball in the park. And I'm thinking I might go for a little walk after this. That's nice. Yeah. Did you ever play softball? No. Really?
No. I'm like, take I smoked as a teen and I never did sports. But I like to look at the softball. Yeah. Same there. Yeah. Yeah. We were in the bleachers. I was playing soccer and smoking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then smoking one. My thing is some hacky sack. I think I've talked about this. I'm trying to bring that back. You know, hacky sack. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty insane to be like a 37 year old googling tricks.
And when you say you're trying to bring it back, do you mean to make it popular or bring it back into your life? Oh, it was never in my life. It's just now coming into my life. But I want people to get into it and it's such good cardio and it's really fun. And you kind of feel like like it's so so much of it is mental and thinking, I'm going to keep this fuck this sack in the air. If it's the last thing I do, that's what I always think about. How do we keep these sack? I keep these sack.
It's a fortune. Marie. These sack. They're like whole saggy. Yeah. You've got to keep them up. Now, may I answer me this? Riddle me this fortune. A hacky sack is something you do with someone else or both keeping it in the air or it's a solo thing. You can do both. I like a little group standing in a circle and you're just trying to keep it up. And it's not competitive. It's like, you know, just try. You know, when you try to keep a ball in the air, but I like doing it on my own too, you know.
But it is good cardio. It's really good cardio. You're sweating. You're using weird muscles. Yeah. Like how I don't want to suggest it. I will do what you suggest. I have to get a hacky sack though. Oh my god. Yeah. Please do. Should we start a like a go fund me to raise money to get you a hacky sack? I want to hand some listeners spend their money in better places. I'll buy my own hacky sack. But thank you for thinking of me. Because I feel like your hands and listeners want to do anything.
I know it's been a little bit since this happened, but they are still in need of it. Western North Carolina. Yes. Yes. I did very much by the hurricane. If you have an extra dollar laying around and want to give to some some places like operation drop or love the Asheville or World Central Kitchen, any of those places helping our good folks in North Carolina to see Georgia, Florida. They'll need help for a long time. They'll need help for a while.
So go there and the mills on wheels helping a lot of those seniors that needed. I highly encourage those donations. Yeah. I think it's crazy how things they will they go out of the news and and put the ripple effect loss. Yeah. A decade, you know, I can see the Western North Carolina because I just know so many people that live there and I see the pictures that the rebuild of those areas will take years. Oh my gosh. Absolutely. Yeah. But you know, that's the time that we're in.
We got to look out for each other. Yeah. And I think it's a childhood friend that lives out there right outside Asheville and I was reached out to her and the phone call wasn't going through. The texts weren't going through and I was, wow. I kept trying and I was like, oh, boy, this is terrifying. Yeah. Yeah. That's so apocalyptic to not, yeah, to cut off like that. I mean, she did, she did eventually answer and I spoke to her briefly and then it cut out. Yeah. She is okay.
She and her wife had some flooding in the basement. But yeah. And I believe she listens to handsome too. Shout out. Shout out to Amy and Sarah. Yeah. There are so many places to donate to and so many things going on in the world. I sometimes get overwhelmed and I'm like, I should do I pick, you know, one thing I can really get behind and bring awareness to or do I spread it out or what, but I've got to be better at it.
I think anything you do helps as we learn from a past guest, Arnold Schwarzenegger. He told us to be useful. Be useful. So I think anything you do in which the goal is to be useful helps. Doesn't matter. Bigger small. And listen, I still stand by. You should put cash towards the environment. Gold. If this planet. If the planet isn't working, nothing else matters. This is true, my friend. Also, should I invest in gold? Yeah. Yeah. What's the deal there? Gold bars.
I don't know what my, you know, you're supposed to have like emergency kits and stuff now. Now you need emergency gold. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Like, am I supposed to have like, will the banks go down at some point and I need gold? Well, do you have like a cash fund at your house? Oh, just the water cash somewhere. Yeah. I don't want to 100 bucks, will that do? Well, you should get, if you get your little cash envelope together. Okay. Well, cash envelope. Some gold. What else?
Well, this is fucked up to say, but cigarettes for the apocalypse. What? You're going to be able to trade those. I don't know this one. Now I'm supposed to go into the apocalypse with a bad habit. Yes. Because that's what people are going to pay top dollar for. Yes. Like in jail. And toilet paper. And also lighters. I read something about lighter. I mean, the lighters make sense. I need a fire. But you need a fire. You need a fire. Yeah. No, to trade.
Oh, to trade. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not going to win many people get some kind of emergency kit, right? Really? Yeah. Because I feel like at this point, what's they, is safe from natural disasters? I'm going to take what, why don't we stay in Toronto? Just you and me. Wait. Just you and me. What is Toronto's ailment just cold? Well, fire. Fire? Sure. But we're kind of, I don't know. It's a lot safer. I feel in Canada.
Jack always says the Michigan's a good place because they have all those fresh water lakes. Well, any, any place near the Great Lakes is a pretty good bet. Places like Buffalo, Duluth. I've been to Duluth. Duluth. Yeah. Duluth is a hot spot. I went to a red lobster in Duluth. All right. Bragg, braggie, braggie. I got a bunch of big biscuits. How long do you think it would take to drink a great lake? Like, if we all run it, ran out of water and we just got lake Ontario left.
Like, how long have you been running for? I'm about one person. Oh, I was like, I mean, you're drowning now. Yeah. But I wonder how much, like until it's used up. Well, let's say one person. Well, without lost your whole life? Yeah. For sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think that the, Who's this asshole hoarding the Great Lakes? This one's mine. I was here first. I think, I'm not sure which are all Great Lakes. I think might not be terribly clean. Oh, yeah. For sure.
Yeah. Yeah, you're going to have to like, you can't just scoop a cup of water out of that. No, I know Toronto, after it rains, you're not supposed to swim into like, grow another arm or something. Oh, no. Why is that? After it rains? Why? I think it washes all the poo in there or something. I don't know. You got pink eye. Yeah. I think our emergency kit consists of a first aid kit and a case of bottled water. I don't think I'm prepared. I think you're not getting far with the gel.
I don't think so either, my friend. We have those big five gallon jugs of water in our garage. Okay. Four or five of them. Wow. And then we also have that kind of food that's dehydrated. I love the gastronodized environment. Is it vegan? Yeah. Yeah. We have a few buckets of like lentils inside. Yeah. Vegetables and things. I would get like a water purifier kit like a bread.
Yeah, you know what I learned if you have like a metal coffee container or something like that and you put a candle in there and you're stuck like in a small room or your car. It'll heat the whole place. Oh, really? Yeah. Wow. Take out our survival list here. What else? Our house is two stories and so I also have a ladder that you can throw out of a window. Oh, wow. I need one of those. Yeah. Yeah, that's cool. My hometown in Mississippi got hit by the eye. Oh, it's all right.
Well, and by the eye of the hurricane when Katrina hit. Yeah. And I think I don't know. I don't know between that and probably my medical emergencies. I'm always like, I do not want to be stuck in any situation and be unsafe. I really do not want to be. And of course, none of that will make sure that I'm safe. But I just, it gives me some peace of mind. Right. And I wouldn't want, when I say I don't want myself, I don't want Max and Finn or Stephanie.
You know, so what I can do, I've tried to put together. Yeah. We said if we were going to plane crash in the Andes or something within minutes, I'd be eating us. Yeah. Yeah. We did say that. Even if the plane didn't go down, I think he'd still be eating us. Yeah. I think if you hit slight turbulence, you would be eating us. Well, who's going to give me some ass? Oh. With big wireless providers, what you see is never what you get.
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Yeah, I need to have some, here's our batteries, here's our lights, here's some water, here's, you know, I'm going to get it organized. It's pretty satisfying to put it together, I think. I remember when I was a kid, if we were ever in a hotel, I'd make a little survival kit out of just like the toiletries. I'd take a plastic bag, I'd be like, I got two Q-tips, one cotton ball and one straw berry I took from lunch. I'd make a little kit and I'd be like, a shico down. I've got the straw berry.
You're expecting the worst. The one big hurricane I went through was Hurricane Hugo. I was 10 years old and it came inland and there was like talk on the news that it could possibly change directions and everyone's like, yeah, whatever. But my brother was like, no, we got to get ready. So he went in the backyard and he got all the lawn furniture and put it under the house. And then our parents spoke us up at like two in the morning and it sounded like freight train outside of our house.
And there was no power and they made us go downstairs and huddle in the hallway. It was so scary because it sounded apocalyptic. And when you looked out the window, it was pitch black and you could see rain, but the wind was like shaking the house. It was so strong. And we had this like hundred year old oak tree, if that tells you, you know, this was a massive tree. And at some point we were in the hallway and the loudest sound I've ever heard in my entire life.
It felt like it was coming through our house. We were so scared and it last, that sound lasted like 30 seconds. And we were like, what was that? But again, you couldn't see anything. And then the morning that hundred year old oak tree had been split. The wind was so strong, it split it in half. And it made it fall down on the side of our house. But if it had come through our house, we would have been gongers. So was it went through the kitchen side of the kitchen?
And the wind split it or like it got in my lightening or oh my God. That's how he's hurting. He's getting it. Yeah. Oh my God. When I went back to Mississippi after Katrina, there were caskets on the beach. There were school buses in the water. There were, I mean, it was just, oh my God. There were houses just gone. You just see the foundation, just cement and no house. Just steps going up to nothing. If there's lightning, are you supposed to get under a tree or not under a tree?
Not under a tree. Not under a tree. Not under a tree. No. Yeah. But if you don't like someone, tell them to get under a tree. No. Oh no. No. I remember seeing a thing about a woman who got hit by a meteor went through her house and she was having a nap in bed and then just hit her on the side of her stomach. And she survived and she had this big burn under some of the meteor. What are the odds? What are the odds? I'd like to know. That's like a one and a gizillion.
I don't know, but it was, it's a crazy picture. It's a black and white photo and she's just lying in bed and she's been napping and then a meteor hit her. Wow. How did she know it was a meteor? Well, then she must, she called this, you know, local whoever and they came around. Yeah, who do you call? I don't know. I don't know a thing. I would think it was just like a kid threw something in through my window. Like a flare gun came through.
I think it went right through the top of her house though. Oh. Right through the, you know. That kind of stuff is crazy because you're literally just like in your house, you think the safest place you could be in that happens, which is where the saying comes from. Now, this is an old saying. I don't know if it started in, I want to say 1918. What? Yeah, the thing is, and I quote, yellow, you only live once. Oh my God. I'm my great, great, great grandparents used to say it.
It's been passed down by generations. Grandma and grandpa, yellow. Grandpa, yeah. And so now it's word, so live by you only live once. Like short. Yeah, these are, let me write this down. You're saying, what is it? Short, I don't know if it's short. That one. Okay, but I'm going to write that down. Life is short. And then what was in the run? Yellow. Yellow. You only live, only. You only live once. Do you have any others? Because they're the most of it. There's also a tag.
Matt Wayne also said, let's go girls. Okay, yeah. That's just more of a mantra. Senadoos, saying. Okay. Anything else I should write down? Did you get got milk? Oh, got milk. Got question mark. Yeah. Soy milk. Sure. Got unsweetened soy milk. I should make a t-shirt that says that. Yeah, see. Did you actually write wise words? Yeah. Wideswords live by, and I'll, I've said it before. I'll say it again. It is from TLC. TLC. TLC. Don't go chasing waterfalls. Don't go.
Stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to. What? Which also a message? I know. It's a little, a little. A little. A little. A little. A little. A little. That was our grandparents saying, and now this is TLC saying, it's saying, stand your lane. TLC saying, which you're not the special one. Yeah. That's what they're saying. You're not the special one. TLC was saying, what are you doing? You're fine. It's the opposite of shoot for the moon and you'll land among the stars.
That's the opposite of that. That's the case. Isn't it like shoot some moon? No, isn't it um, you'll, I don't know, like, star. Yeah, it's so. Yeah. It's not Kasey Kase. Indigo girls wrote Galileo. We all know that. It was a Galileo person. No, they made that up. Galileo's head was on the block. I can't believe they're really great things. Been crediting Kasey Kasey this whole time. I don't know who that is. That's not what's an amazing thing on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.
That's what Kasey Kasey is. He was responsible for America's top 40. Wow. I got it. Anyway, America's top 40. I don't know if there's, is there another saying that Tickney's right down there? Because these are really, really inspiring. Um, what about don't throw the, don't throw the baby out with a bath water. Don't throw. Don't go throwing babies over waterfalls. That's it. Why by the cow when the milk, wait, why by the milk when the cow's free? No, why by the cow when the milk's free?
When you get the milk for free. When you can get the milk for free. You've heard that one. Yeah. These are good. Okay. I got that one. Man, have we changed lives today with these things? Should we, um, change everyone's life? And he, uh, from our questioner? Yes, please. That's right. I'm feeling nostalgic. Today's questioner is a Grammy winning Canadian singer songwriter who has sold over 45 million records. She's got a new album titled seven. Very enigmatic.
Nelly Furtado is asking for today's question. Woohoo. Hey handsome podcast. How are you? Um, Nelly Furtado and I have a question for you. If you're willing to answer, but I am. So I want you to, um, who was your very first question? Who was your very first celebrity crush of all time? Oh. Oh my god. Nelly Furtado. Nelly Furtado. What a legend. Nelly Furtado has had some big jams. Yes. I mean, you'd have to if you're selling over 45 million records. That's right. I don't know how many.
I don't know how many. I don't know. I don't know how many. I don't know how many. I don't know how many. I don't know how many. I don't know how many. I don't know how many. I like that promiscuous song. Is that a promiscuous song? Is that a promiscuous song? I think so. Yeah. I can't. I don't know how to sing it. No, keep going. No, it's like, uh, whoa. Okay. Um, okay. Teg, I felt like when Nelly Furtado asked that question, you nodded sagely.
Like, I think someone came into your mind right away. I know exactly who. Really? Yes. Yes indeed. Yes indeed. Do you want to hear? Yeah, desperately. It is John Travolta. Yes, of course. Of course. Of course. It is Volta. John Travolta and Greece and Urban Cowboy. I mean, Holy Lord, John Travolta. I'm telling you, it was an absolute before it's that weiner shot. What? Yeah, with the Jamie Lee Curtis movie. We talked about this, the weiner. No, no, no, no. For me, the jazz or class?
No, I, this, no, no. For me, it is him as like a greaser. You know, the white t-shirt, blue jeans. Yeah. And uh, the genre on the hot rod. Was there any part of you that was like, I want to be him? Or you just were like, I have the hots for him. I mean, whatever you want to call it, he was like on my radar. I was like, there is nobody hotter than John Travolta and especially in Urban Cowboy. So do you think, let's imagine you go to a house party now today.
And John Travolta in his Urban Cowboy era is there. Yeah. And what? Would he look insane with a crowd of today's people? Like, would he look really of that time? Or would he, you know what I mean? Or would he still be like top of his game smoking hot by today's. Oh my God. Well, he just looks like a very classic cowboy. I mean, I mean, I guess these days, cowboys also kind of wear.
And I'm not sure if he's going to look like a cowboy or a cowboy, but I also feel like traditional-ish cowboys these days will still oddly have. You're right. You're sparkly jeans. And yeah, yeah. We're like, wait, I don't know. I don't understand. You lost me. Yeah. Because like, I like the cowboy that just got the half. The half, the had the dirty jeans. Or did they're even hired, you know, those wranglers that are just like, I don't know that show Yellowstone. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But like, you know, there's some cowboys throwing a little pizzazz in the jeans. There's like designer jeans. And you do what Yellowstone, get your ponies wet. Okay. So fortune, Marie. They have a character on there that all the straight ladies, and I'm assuming you two TIG would go real wild for. He's a bad boy. You know what I also think is so hot is a black cowboy. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. A black cowboy.
So, TIG, if you know how like they found there's quantum sciences, like maybe we invent time machines and stuff. So let's say you're at a house party with Stephanie. Yeah, we look over the house party. You're back at this house party. Yeah, you look over. And there's John Travolta in that heyday. And she is into you. Do you say, and of course he is. Of course he is. Yeah. And do you say to Stephanie, like, is that a hall pass? Would you ever consider that? Whoa, what a scenario you set up, man.
Well, here's the problem. Yeah. I'm struggling here because I feel like I'm struggling with this impossible scenario that happened. I'm struggling on many different levels. But I think knowing John Travolta over the years from a distance and like kind of who he is and what he is now. Watch him evolve. Yeah. It kind of tarnished. Yeah. It's just he's not my vibe anymore.
Okay. But please, everyone stop what you're doing or Thomas, if you can drop a picture of him, his profile shot on Urban Cowboy. I mean, and then while we're at it, she's Deborah Winger in Urban Cowboy. Yeah. You were the one of this movie. I mean, I've not seen it. I don't think I have. I need to see this movie. You got to. I have barely seen anything. And that is a movie I have seen so many times. I need to be hot and bothered. That was a horny movie for you.
I'm going to think, look up this character's name on the yellow thumb. I live that Urban Cowboy took place in Houston, Texas. In the 80s. That's his guy's name, Rip. Or was it in the yellow song? In the 80s. And I lived in that area when that movie came out. And so I really connected with Cowboys in a city. Yeah. You know, yeah. Okay. Fortune. Who's yours? I was looking up 80s movie stars to see. Thinking of someone. Right. I mean, I had a thing for older women. So Betty White for sure.
Yeah. Seriously. That's. That's. Are you serious? Hot for her. Mm-hmm. No way. Yeah. She was like in their 50s when she did. Gold. Yeah, they made them look a lot older, but they were all in there like 50s. I was not expecting Betty White. No. I love it. I love it. That's more shocking than me liking John Travolta. Okay. I'll tell you all the other ones. Because I'm struggling to remember what male. Because I know that I. You are straight as a board. I know. Straight. Yeah. Straight as a button.
So I definitely had male crushes. And I think I've said it before like Jonathan from New Kids on the block. I like sobbed when I saw him sing. But I'm trying to think of like the TV and movie people that really did it for me. And the first print, well there was two people. And I can't remember if I've talked about either of these on here. But one was the hot blonde in crocodile Dundee when she went to the river in her white baby suit. Holy. Kikees.
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I think I even thought crocodile dundee was pretty cute too. It's that Australian thing. You know, yeah, she's a fluke. She's a fluke. So she was my first like holy cow. That is sexy. Maybe I'm not so straight. And the bathing suit was like a one piece. But it was before you know now when people were bathing suits. You're seeing ass cracks and everything and you're seeing all the vagina. Everything's out in the open. Are you? Yeah, like bathing suit. I'm telling you guys look around.
Everyone's asshole is is poking out of their bathing suit now. No, I'm telling you. The bathing suit these girls are in now. It's just straight up asshole shots. You're just like a hot shot. She was an early, an early adopter of the bathing suit. Even though it was a one piece it went it rode really high up. Yeah, and showed a lot. And you liked that. I love that. But then the person who I would dream about. Who was like holy cow. Maybe it's not straight, but I can't be gay because I'm gross.
I'm Southern and I go to church and blah. It was the crazy. You would never think of this movie being the thing, but Sandra Bullock. While you were sleeping. I haven't seen it. I loved it. She was like the girl next door who was so cute and relatable. She did lie. Yeah. She did lie and pretend to be mayor engaged to a guy in a coma. But then her, but then she got really close to his family and they loved her. But while he was in a coma, who she really loves. Wait, is this his brother?
This is a big spoiler. I haven't seen a movie yet. So decades. I haven't seen it. No, at this point. But Sandra Bullock. She's sleeping. She's cute. That sandy bull looks. But yeah, for males, I guess it would be Jonathan. Jonathan from New Kids on the blog. For males. I feel like that's the sign that you're making. Yeah, for males. It's a mystery thing. He's gay. All right. What's yours, May? First of all, like the Disney villains like Jafar Ursula the Sea Witch.
I like like a twinkle in their eye. A hedonist with a jua de vive. And a lot of vive. And I think my parents showed me Rocky Horror Picture Show when I was five. And I was way too young. And it's the hornest movie of all time. And Frank and Ferdinand let me on fire. Electrophied me. He's so sexy. The way his body moves. And I was showed it because my grandpa was in the stage show. And my dad loved it. And yeah, so it was my grandmother book him in the stage show. Yeah, I think she did.
Of course. Because my grandmother's client was Richard O'Brien who wrote Rocky Horror Picture Show. So it's like a big part of our family lore. And I remember them fast forwarding the sex scenes. But oh my god, when Frank and Ferdinand takes his cape off. And he's in this corset. And he's, oh my god. And I know I would get, I would go to bed and be really horny. And I was like five. And I remember thinking, I wish I was Rocky, the creature created purely for pleasure.
Anyway, then later on I got into a Hocus Pocus. And remember I had that sex scene where all the witches eat my ass. Remember it like a meatloaf slicing it. And I was maybe seven. And I had this dream. And I remember telling my parents, I'm talking about it on the pod. But I remember telling them I had this dream. I can't wait to have this dream again. I love this dream I had. It was about all three witches, bent midler, Sarah just parrots, Kathina, Jamie. And they kidnapped me and I was naked.
And they were going to eat me. And they were slicing my ass like a meatloaf. I told my parents. And they were like, what? I was like, can't wait to have that dream again. I loved it. I really like it. I think I like that. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it.
I think I like, but they, what bent midler and Tim Curry and all my early crushes having common is this like twinkle in their eye and like kind of confidence and exaggerated femininity, almost like a drag quenished quality that I really liked. And then later on it was a buffet with Sarah Michelle Galler and, uh, and Angel as well. But yeah. Later in your childhood, you're saying?
In my teens, like early teens, I was like, I would like vibrate with excitement when the theme song to Buffy would play. Obviously. Yeah. I was very into Eddie Van Halen. Oh, yes. Like that was my teenage crash like nobody's business. I just, I couldn't imagine there was any cuter guy alive. His smile. Yeah. And vibe when he was playing. Oh, my God. Poor Eddie. Oh, I remember, I remember a man. I remember a male, a male, yeah. Patrick Swayze.
Not only in dirty dancing, but also in ghost and in roadhouse. Yeah. You know what you're right? And to one food with, is that what it was called? He was played a drag queen. So sexy. And he's so sexy. And he's so sexy. Are you kidding me? You're the dancer. I love the dancer. I love the dancer. And I love a strong man who can be vulnerable. Who can pick me up and twirl me around. Yeah. And like he was shirtless and baby comes to his cabin and it's raining. And oh, my God. Yeah. Did I tell you?
Oh. And I wrote this sexy and the show I've filmed in. Oh, really? Films where I crawl across the floor like Patrick Swayze. Oh, my God. I wrote it. I wrote it in the script just and I forgot I had to do it. And then the time came, let me tell you, you don't look like Patrick Swayze crawling across the floor unless you're Patrick Swayze. You can maybe pull it off with the black tank and the black pants. But thank you so much. Baby, baby, you're the one. Damn, damn, damn.
What about Harrison Ford and Blade Runner? Harrison Ford has that thing of being a big strong man but vulnerable. Yeah. Him and Blade Runner, I'm pretty into. Oh, you know who else I was into? Speaking of older women, Julia Sugar Baker. Who's standing back? Who's standing back? Fixie Carter. Who is standing women? What the fuck you guys told me? You don't know who Julia Sugar Baker is? No. She played a woman from Jojo in Designing Women and she was always standing up for the rights for someone.
How dare you come into my office and you treat this person like this. You will not do that in here. And Jean Smart was in there and he pots. You guys never saw Designing Women or you know? No, no. No, but I do love to answer. I saw a Sanford and Sun. Good times. Good times. I, Designing Women might be one of my top favorite TV shows of all time. Yeah, I never saw that. Okay, I gotta watch it.
Julia Sugar Baker was a head, well ahead of her time and I was Southern and they were all Southern and I was Southern and she was like the progressive Southern woman who stood up for people while designing. All the while designing. I can't believe you took a break from designing to stand up for people. Put it down her needle and thread. Yeah. Because when she would get on her soap box, it was hot. Do you think her like Sugar Baker, like her family was.
They must have been bakers that put sugar in there. But also, can we just take a minute to remember Patrick Swaisy making a clay pot as a ghost? Yeah. There's, I was kind of into how Wuppie Goldberg and Demi Moore slowed ants in and that was pretty sick. Remember, he takes some smooches. He takes me too because he takes over Wuppie's body to slow dance with her. And then he's like, yes, that song. Oh my God. He was sexy. Talent is hot and being funny is hot. And dancing. Funnily is the hottest.
And standing up for people while designing. While designing. I was never attracted to Chrissy Hind from the pretenders, but she was like the first female rock star where I was like, I was so into like guys before that, whether it was Eddie Van Halen or Willie Nelson or, you know, whoever else. And then Chrissy Hind just like rattled me. Yeah, I was just way into her, but I just was never attracted to her. The other day, a friend of mine was like, remember that letter you wrote Angelina Jolie?
I went, what? I have no memory of it, but I hope she never got it. Whatever it was. Size Sheer was that one letter. Yeah, it's somehow is the one fan letter. Were you hot for her? Oh my God. I went on a date to see Tomb Raider 2 with a guy and I was like holding sweaty hands with this guy just and then the movie ended and I was like, I loved that movie. That I mean, she was really amazing. And he was like, yeah, yeah, it was pretty good. And I was like, no, like she and her all she I am.
She's like, I'm going to take. Yeah, she and Raid my tomb anytime. For she really is. For she. Well, we never followed up. She went to an event where she was, did you ever, did you get to say, hire, be anywhere near her or her or meet her? Did we, yeah, did we never, I don't think we ever followed up on it. Well, exciting news. Yeah. I did not meet her because she's Angelina Jolie. She, no, she like glied and on stage, gave the classiest speech and it was like seeing a Greek god.
Like she's not of this earth, like her bone structure. She, she's wildly beautiful. That's like how I feel about Charlie's throne. Really? Mm-hmm. I was just talking about you screening with her. Oh, really? And gorgeous. Yeah. And fun and cool. So it seems, I don't know, I've been her hometown, I don't know very well, but she's gorgeous. Do you think Angie would be a fun hang? Hmm. I think so. Hmm. Okay. You run him on. Moving on, moving swiftly on. I mean, fun. Wee! That kind of fun?
That, not, not that kind of fun. But probably would come up with a plan to save some people, save the world. Maybe. I think I could unlock like her, her, her, you know, previous wild child self. I see. I'd be like, let's have a 90s style night. I see her watching someone be silly and going. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I heard that. I think I could be like, let's have a 90s style night. I see her watching someone be silly and going. Yeah. Well, I heard she's a huge fan actually of our podcast.
Shut the, no. I would kill you. You never know. So, she wouldn't keep it handsomely. I truly wonder what I wrote in that letter, though. I have no memory of it. Like, what would I hear? Dearest Angelina. Angelina did make a lot of lesbians have sexual weaklings with the movie Gia. Gia? And also Foxfire? She jumped up into a fence. Yes. You know me shirtless. Y'all remember? Sure. I remember. Sure. In a photo shoot. Jumped up into a fence. Jumped up against a fence.
Yeah. And every lesbian in that watch, it was like, okay. Yeah, I remember she. I remember she. In that movie, she sleeps with that woman and then the woman in the morning is like, I got to go. And she is topless and she follows her out into like the stairwell of the apartment building. Just topless. And the woman is all like, oh no, what if people see? And she goes, where does everybody have to go when they say they have to go? I thought that was so cool. That's cool.
That's just titties everywhere. I think, see, that chainlips. Let's not do that for me. Can you imagine? This is going to be hot. Jump against a chainlips. Get your boobs stuck in the chainlips. No, I think it goes back to like, they have to be funny. Or at least, even if they're not funny, because like, I get, I get why people are into like, beauty, obviously, and sexy, and like, amazing fashion.
But I really cannot even think twice about somebody unless they are funny, or if they, they have to have a great sense of humor. And that's not to say people that are hot and high fashion, all that, don't have a great sense of humor. But I like really to have a painful cackle. I like people who laugh easily and laugh a lot at the right things. Yeah. All my current, I mean, the early awakenings were all these sort of icons, but I can't wear that.
But now, I, yeah, it's got, you know, you got your Megan Malale, Nick Offerman, these are Katherine Hanne, these are my favorite. Oh, you're hot for Megan and Nick. Oh, remember what we talked about? I remember we talked about our, our crushes. Yeah, funny, funny or bust for me. I just got to be doing role plays that last days. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, should we hear what Nellie for Tato has to say? Well, it's a fear. If she says that those three witches, she had a sex troublemaker.
I bet Julia Sugar Baker. Maybe it's us. Oh, my God. Please let it be Betty White or Julia Sugar Baker. It's going to be Thomas. When I was about 13, 13, I think maybe 13, yeah, 12, 13. Yeah, I had a poster, uh, or 14 of Mark Wahlberg Calvin Klein ad. Why doesn't Mark Mark, and he's like, all about the Calvin's? And, um, yeah, he was my first celebrity crush, I think, but then there's a, there's a better story to this. So, years later, I was asked to be in a movie called Max Payne.
It's based on a video game. I was asked to play a role. It's a short scene, but I'm at a wake. And my husband has just died, and it's kind of Mark Wahlberg's character's fault. So, I'm really angry at Mark Wahlberg on the scene. I don't remember the characters. I guess he's Max Payne. Anyways. So, I'm in the scene. We're at a fictional wake. There's a lot of extras, and there are a lot of people. I've hardly acted before. And I'm feeling the pressure.
I'm like, Mark Wahlberg's about to walk on set. But not only do I have lines with him, I have to slap him in the face. So, he comes out on set, and because I'm a novice, I'm a singer. I'm not an actor. I actually thought that I could slap him several times right on the face to practice. So, they're like, in action. And I'm like, oh my God. And his face is getting red. And he's like, wow. And he's so nice. He doesn't say, like, we don't have to really practice the slap. And so, I'm there.
Just slapping Mark Wahlberg. Meanwhile, my 14 year old self is like, oh my God. And then, I mean, I barely got through the scene, but I made it happen. And then I couldn't cry. I was supposed to be sad. And they had to put fake tears in my eyes. Anyways, that's my celebrity first story. Pretty damn good. That is wild. Just slapping the shit out of her whole front over. Oh my God. I'm surprised that they didn't say. I know. Yeah, like, just say help me. Hey, by the way.
Especially because you're not an actor. Yeah. Maybe it's good. We tell you, don't actually hit him. Or start the star of our movie. I remember one time I was back when Sarah had the Sarah Silverman program on Comedy Central. I played a cop. And I filmed this episode. And then I flew up to San Francisco for, you know, a weekend gig. I was there, whatever, Friday through Sunday. I know, I guess it was longer. It was when I was doing like a full week at a comedy club.
And I got a call from production that I had to flat. They were going to fly me back down because I had to do a slap. Like, I had to get slapped in the face. So I, they flew me down early in the morning. I went to set. I got slapped in the face. And then they drove me back to the airport. And I got back. That's a really funny. And I. And did they for, did they slap you for real? No. Okay. No. I got a slap coming up. I got slapped. And I'm like, I think I'm not a good enough actor to do that.
To act it. So I'm like, oh, you can do it. Really? Yeah. Because you just turn your one to get, some people want to get really slapped as some people don't. Yeah. Not me. Right. Yeah. I've been slapped a couple times, but nothing too big. Yeah. No thanks. But those slaps, those Calvin Klein ads were pre-sex. Oh my god. They were, yeah, they were quick. I wanted to get out from the bear and I'm now. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He does the commercials now. Yeah. And his panties on a rooftop. Pantes.
Pantes. Honest ponies. I'd like to see our faces photoshopped onto the original Mark Wahlberg. Yes. Calvin Klein ads. Yeah. Yeah. Could somebody make that happen, please? I mean, I imagine somebody's already done that, but could you please just reveal your picture? Yeah. Oh, wait, it's an easy lift. That you're going to do. Were you practicing your face? Like it's, it's like, it's like, yeah, that's pretty. It's older.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you got to be on a couch with your Calvin Klein's on and your Wiener bulge. Yeah. Mm-hmm. You got to have a Wiener bulge and all these ads. I'm just assuming they're paddened. They're paddened. Yeah, they put a, they're bold. Definitely a sock in there. I doubt there's an actual sock. I hope there's an actual sock. Gold school, gold school. Come on. Okay. One of, one another. What about a podcast? This is a bledge, that's always. What a podcast.
Please, if you would like to start your holiday shopping early, go to Tignotaro.com and get my brand new album that is the audio version of my special Hello again. And all of my tour dates are on there, including Toronto and Los Angeles, where I work out new material. So come on out and say hello again. Fortunately, what do you got coming up? I have a show this weekend, but in Santa Rosa, there might be a couple tickets to open up.
But my big special that I'm excited about just got announced is coming out December 3rd on Netflix called Crash. Yes. And I'm super stoked. I hope people will watch it. That's really exciting. I'm just doing new material at Largo November 5th in Los Angeles, November 15th and December 4th. But also check out HansonPod.com, check out our merch. If you like the show, subscribe. Tell your friends. If you know sugar baker, what's your name? Julia Sugar baker. I love Julia Sugar baker here.
How dare you come into my design office and say what you're saying. I will not stand for it. Not today, not tomorrow. But do you like the tiles in your kitchen? Is that verbatim? No, I took some creative liberties. Well, we appreciate everybody listening. We hope everybody's doing our rights. And we're still in love to everybody who needs it. Yes. And even people that don't need it, we're sending you love. Everybody needs love. That's right. And you know what else people need?
They need you to send your favorite episodes of Hanson to them. And be like, hey, check out this nonsense I'm listening to. It makes me the Hanson crew. It makes me an Angelina Jolie chuckle. Yeah, Angelina loves the show. And Angelina, all that's left is... Cheap red, Hanson. Hanson is hosted by me, May Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feemster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at HansonPod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at HansonPod.
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