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This content is intended for audiences in the US only, savings vary, terms apply, all state fire and casualty insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Cheers! Hey, it's your friend Tignotaro. And your friend May. And your friend Fortune. And you're listening to the Handsome podcast. Oh, yeah, baby. The bands back together. That's right. Looking as Handsome as ever. Yeah, looking very handsome. Both of you in collars, collared shirts. You noticed, May?
And you, May, in a hoodie? What's the special? I actually have a full, I'm wearing the jumpsuit that I wore in Army of the Dead. Yeah, away. Yeah, it's the full jumpsuit. Yeah, let's see it. Oh, whoa. My loins are feeling things. You're a scooter. Hey, Fortune Marie. Are you gonna, are you gonna keep any wardrobe from Star Trek? You're gonna keep your, I can know. I think about shows like that where it's like, uh, no, Fortune, you're, go to YouTube right now. Go to YouTube.
I'm fingering, I'm fingering the Star Trek Star Trek. Fortune's trying really hard to do lip long and prosper that. Oh, my does it. So look at the lip. Wait, you can't do it fortune? No. Oh, I mean, look at her. I barely can. Like when I go through, um, you know, doing press for the show and everybody's doing that, I'll be like, Oh, well, you got, you got it. I do, but it takes me a beat to get there.
Do you think people have not gotten hired on that show because they can't do this? Yeah. Like is that part of your audition? Oh, wait, look. Oh my god. You guys look. There you go. Go to YouTube. Go to YouTube. Seriously. Go to YouTube. Oh my god. You gotta get rubber bands. Yeah, just get some duct tape and do it real good. Do you know what's funny? Speaking of duct tape is my character from the old series that I did Star Trek Discovery. Janet Reno. No. No. That's not your character's name.
Jet Reno. Um, but I have a line where, cause I'm an engineer, and somebody does something and I say, I could fix that with duct tape. And so my character kind of is known for, um, you know, saying that and trying to fix things with little, you know, like with my gum, I'll, like, oh my god. I think that's like a really Canadian quality. Duct tape is very versatile. You could fix a canoe.
You could, you can make a wallet. That was the big thing in high school making a wallet fully out of duct tape. No. Yeah. Well, you know, I have to be honest. Duct tape also has reached the states. Wait. In Canada, we loved duct tape. Wait, why do I thought, why did I think it was purely Canadian? It's not, eh? No way. No. No. No. Have you seen all the kidnappers in the states? Well, yeah, you're right. You're so right.
Oh, yeah. That is such a funny thing that you thought you invented duct tape. I know. It's like, God, you gotta check this shit out. Our greatest export duct tape. What were we, what did you say about Star Trek? I felt like I was going to say something. Oh, keeping your costume. Oh, oh, oh, right. Yes. Um, no, I won't be keeping my costume.
I'm glad. I'm glad. Well, I was thinking when I was on set the other day about how there are those types of TV shows where your wardrobe is not something that you ask if you can take home or if anybody, the director's not like, hey, you know, on little house on the prairie. They weren't like, hey, you can take that bonnet home, although I would love a button. You know, I love a bonnet home. Oh, my God. Can I take this night, Gail? Yes. And this candle.
But I did. I love the jumpsuit from Army of the Dead. It really suits you. Well, thank you. And if you're not aware, I did go viral for being sexy. I know. I don't mean to compete with you here, May, but I. Some people found me sexy during that window of time. I feel wildly unsexy at the moment. Oh, really? Yeah, sexy right now. I'm like ordering chicken nuggets at, you know, 3 a.m. I am not in the sexy colors. Hello, hello.
Are you feeling sexy, Fortune? Yeah. I dream. I never feel like I'm never feeling sexy. I'm always feeling silly, but I remember I remember what tick broke the internet. It was. Yes. We were in the pandemic, right? Oh, yeah. You'd think it would have launched us out of the pandemic. Yeah. So the vaccine was coming on the heels of that. Yeah. But yeah, we were all at home collectively at home. Wow. I was going viral. Yeah. You were going viral on the old Twitter. Yeah.
And Instagram. What was it like to someone call you up and say, Teg, you're going to you come viral? Well, Stephanie and I were. We were in the editing bay for our movie. Am I okay? And my phone, yeah, starts going off. And I didn't know or I forgot that the trailer came out. Oh, yeah. And whatever it was, if not remembering or didn't know, I everybody was like, oh my god, you're going viral for being sexy for being sexy AF.
I told this story and then I turned to Stephanie and I was like, I'm so I don't understand. People are texting me that I'm like viral for being sexy as AF. That's what I said to Stephanie. You know what AF was? No, no, I had never heard of it in my life. And that's why I said to Stephanie, people are telling me I've gone viral for being sexy as AF. And she said, oh my god, it's not as AF. It's sexy AF. And she said it's like saying you're you're sexy. Wait, what is it? What is sexy as a fuck?
Yeah, something like that. I don't know. But I went viral in 2012 for being sickly. And then whatever, 2022. So you've done sickly sexy. What's next? Silly. I don't know. I love to go viral for silly. Oh my god. That would be good. I'll be honest. Yeah, start like go to some major event and throw banana peel on it. Wait, let me write this down. That's a good idea. Hold on. Okay. Go to the Olympics. Throw banana peel. Go to the Olympics.
Slip on a banana peel and go, boy, I'm going to. I do love now hear me out. I do love littering. No, I do. I've been talking about this in my standup. But I like littering in front of people. But I'm not really littering. I like throwing I like throwing trash down on the ground to just to see. Dartle people. So now that I have kids, they want me to litter. So we were on a hike. We were in the mountains on a hike.
And they call me mayor. And they were like, mayor, here comes some people litter. And so we're like in this pristine, just beautiful area. And I take my to go coffee cup that I'm carrying. And I'm like, oh my god guys, it is so beautiful out here. And then I just tossed my coffee cup on the ground. Did they? Oh my god. People want to kill me. And then I act like I act like it's because they shoot me. This is look that I pick up my trash.
And then my favorite thing was, you know, when you're in the mountains, people are so healthy and active and even elderly people are just out there trekking around. And so this is my absolute favorite. So my kids are like, mayor, here, here comes somebody. And it's this woman has to be in her seventies just fit as a fiddle. And I do the same thing. I look around. And I mean, we're like, it's not like run in canyon in Los Angeles. It's like packed full of people hiking around dog poop.
It's like pristine beauty every now and then someone passes you. So I take my coffee cup and I go, guys, look at that mountain. And I just throw it. And and and the woman in her seventies, she says, that's funny. And I said, oh my god. Yes, it is. I'm joking. And I was like, I get it. I get it. Yeah. And your ghost of Christmas future. I mean, I love that. You're going to go viral for littering for sure.
So that's what I was thinking, May. We're going to open up an app. And it's going to be like, comedian, Tignitaro, litter. Well, and I littered one. I was with Kristen Shaw, you know, the comedian, we went to a Tegan and Sarah concert. And there were 10 billion lesbians in line to get in. And I littered right there in front of them. Just to see them. And they all got with blasts. Just carls swinging their heads around like.
The collective gas. Yes. Yeah. We almost lost 10 billion lesbians out there. And I was on a flight. And I sat next to Tegan and Sarah. It was one of the gayest moments that have ever happened. Yeah. Gay flight. And I told them that I'd been talking about them on stage. And and it was about this littering thing, how I littered at their concert. And keep in mind, I don't leave litter on the ground. I do it. It's a bit. It's a bit. Yeah, it's a tick bit. I like to I like to shock.
Yeah, I started to shock and all. Yeah. Ruffle feathers. Ruffle. Like in a fun way. Okay. I'm having fun. And so did that woman. But yeah. So I'm telling them. And it was so funny. Sarah Quinn of Tegan and Sarah. She is so she was so uncomfortable. And she was telling me how she loves when people do uncomfortable things. But she cannot. Like when she thinks about doing anything like that. It just. Yeah. And I was like, I'm here for you. I will do this. This is my job in the universe.
You're going to sit in that uncomfortability and draw it out. Oh my god. Yeah. So I do love to litter. My favorite thing that maybe you could you'd enjoy this one is like if you're sitting near a window or actually you don't have to be by window, but ask someone for a piece of gum and then they go all through their bag and they're rifling through and they dig out the gum and take some ages. And as soon as you got it, you just throw it away. Like throw it out the window or just it's really good.
I'm happy to do that. Yeah. Yeah. Let's do it. I never got to do. Are you doing to people over there? Because there's not video stores anymore, right? You can't really rent videos. I always wanted to rent a bunch of videos and then immediately return them in front of the people that like just because there was a video store near my house that had the drop box right at the end of the counter.
And so I wanted to rent like five movies and then just drop them in the return thing and then just walk out the door. I love that. One more thing I have to tell you. This I want to do so desperately. But it is a form of littering that is that is delayed. It is delayed littering. And that is when you set a balloon free. That's just litter like one town over. It's going to go in an ocean somewhere. Yeah. But here is my big dream. I want to go to Disneyland with my family.
And you know those people that are holding those balloons that have Mickey Mouse in the balloons? Those $50 balloons. Yes. I want to buy the whole bundle. I want to be like how much for all of them? And buy all the entire bundle of $10,000. Yeah. Buy the bundle and then just stare them in the face and let them go. Just let them go right now. I want to do it. Lord, if you you prankster. I want to bring a pair of scissors to Disney and just walking down the main strip just
sniffing everybody's balloon strings. I don't think we could get through security in their security at Disneyland. Yeah, that's true. That would be like I'm going to bring a butcher knife. Look who's joined us. My baggy. Oh precious animal. Oh my god. I gave big kiss from my office in Los Angeles. I did. I just. Oh, he's a close. Oh my god. Look at him. Biggy. Go to our YouTube channel right now and see Biggy's dead eyes. That is the epitome. That is what biggy. Biggy has dead eyes.
They light up when he sees a carrot or food his toy carrot or food and the eyes come alive. That's a charm. I love it. It's a simple life. It's just dead eyes. If you guys came to my home, he is a lot more animated. I don't need it. Well, not in this moment on my desk but like down there. He's in your home right now. I know. But like playing and you'll see the I would love to see him playing with dead eyes. No, take his eyes are full of life.
That's his charm. Well, because he's like, what are you doing to me right now? Why are you putting me up in the zoom? He knows what a zoom is and he has no interest in it. My cat knows what sunshine is. Every morning when I come down, fluff will me out at me. And I'll say, fluff, where's your sunshine? Where's your sunshine? And she goes over and she lays down. The fall is such a handsome season. Getting cozy, gathering with friends and family. Maybe doing some apple picking or pumpkin carving.
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If you see those things where it's like a pad with words and the dog can step on the words to communicate and it's like take me outside or it's like I want to. And the dog is basically making sentences. This is unnatural. The dog is standing on a woman's pad. What? Like a tampon pad? No, I know what a tampon is but I'm saying like the adjacent version of the tampon the pad. You mean like a tampon pad? Bromptom of those pads. Those giant pads with wings? Yeah, my chick versus.
Can I can I reveal the secret? What? Wait a second. Why don't I have a diaper? Yeah, you're making me reveal all of biggy secrets. I don't think anyone made you know you really wedged in there. Twist my arm. I'll tell you. Biggy has a what's called a belly band and it's a diaper that goes around this back section here of a male dog. And it's a it's a diaper. And so because you know male dogs like to mark everywhere.
And so if we don't want biggie to mark if we take him somewhere we don't want him to mark we put a belly band on him. It's essentially a diaper but we put a woman's pad in there. The indignity. You don't even have to say woman's pad. That's like what a guy will say. I am a male nurse. It's like okay. But wait, what are you going to pad in there? And so we go to the dollar store to get him his pads. Is the diaper not enough? Like he needs a diaper and a woman's pad.
The diaper is not humiliated more. Yeah, the diaper is enough but you just have to watch them a lot more frequently. But I have been in an airport holding his belly band with a woman's pad or pad. Just flowing in the wind. With the help of a male nurse. It looks like I'm just holding a pad in the airport. Oh my god. We were like you psycho. Yeah, he is well potty trained so it doesn't need it often. It's more in just new places. I'm bored. You stop. So yeah, anyway, pads, women's.
Speaking of pads, it makes me think of the word mad. Which makes me think of the word madlib. Oh, don't take that transition. How good the response to our madlib was electric. People were saying, you knew what the people wanted. I'm so pleased that people like it. We'll have to do it at a live show sometime. Oh my god. I didn't know how much I would be delighted. I was like giddy from it. I got high from it. I didn't think people didn't like me. What?
They didn't like the, um, we didn't give you a chance to do one. But I got a lot of joy out of giving it to you guys. I'm a very generous lover. Yeah, we can say that May has given it to us. Yeah, you gave it to us so good. I'm a giver. And you're such a giver. Well, Thanksgiving is upon us. Uh-huh. My favorite holiday. Is it really? Is it your favorite holiday? Yes, stunned faces. I love it too. I love it so much. I love food.
And friends and family bringing their little weird dishes and little weird dishes. Yeah. I mean, I'd come by and be like, I brought one shrimp. I forgot, May, do you go to visit your American friends Thanksgiving? I've never, I mean, I did a Canadian Thanksgiving type of thing here. Yeah. This year, I'm not sure. What is it again? November, so many. When are you dying? There's something. It's the last Thursday. Yeah, I don't know if I'm going to get off work because I'm working in Canada.
Oh, right. They don't celebrate it. So I might be working on my favorite holiday. Yeah, I think it might be my favorite holiday too because it's just all the food and you're giving things. Just saying what you're grateful for. Yeah, when we took Max and Finn to Austin one year, we spent Thanksgiving. We have on my stepfather's side of the family, all boys. Like, I think it was like 15 boys had been born, not one girl until my brother just had a girl, like a year ago.
So we were all there and giving thanks for whatever going around the table. And Max and Finn were three at the time. When we got to them, I think one of them said, monster trucks. That's what they're grateful for. Yeah, thankful for monster trucks. I love that. You know, I'm so thankful for my health and what I got through last year and we will miss this person and that person and the monster trucks. I went to a, an ex's Thanksgiving once with her whole family. I hadn't met her family yet.
We're all sitting around and they're, you know, the great grandmother goes, you know, for these and all his marcees, God's holy name be praised. Amen. We all say it and then it goes to a, and then this two year old angel sweet child is just like babbling away and then starts going around the table and going, like she's been kind of eyeing me up and then she's going, well, Lindsay's going to be a little bit more crazy. Lindsay's a girl, mommy's a girl, daddy's a boy and I'm like, here we go.
All these like grandparents, great grandparents and everyone's silent and then gets to me. It's like grandma's a girl and then points at me and goes, what's me? It was good. And what did you answer? I was like, well, you know, it's this back drum. So everyone at the table had that accent? Yeah. I was like, man, for this and all these marces. Are you good at, you know, Stephanie's really good at saying prayers. Oh, really? I kind of clam up. I get everyone expects, like, do you find this?
Like, it expects you to be good at toast and things because you do comedy. She doesn't do it in a real way. She can do it like, like she's a pastor who just breaks into prayer out of nowhere. Who are in heaven? No, no. No, like she can rip. Like, she can pull. Like, free form. I will be done. Yeah. Like, who gets thanks for the spirit of the Lord, point down upon us? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like when you do a show with her again, a live show asked her to do a free form prayer.
Like, you will die laughing. I will. Can she do this? The Lord bless you and keep you. Lord, lift his head. Describe upon you. Thankfully not. Thankfully not. Thankfully not. I feel like if you had been in your prime in like the 1930s or 40s, you would have had an unironic career as a singer, like a chamber singer. How would it have been? I would have been the spinster that sings at church. No, you would have been married and spent your whole life thinking something feels off.
Yeah. I feel different. But I sing to the Lord. Keep going, keep going. And all is good. That's it. We're making a show about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. Who's ready? Yeah. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. Who's ready? This is a mad live cold. Oh, my! Thanks giving pie.
And this is just, for May, it's you May and you. Yes. I'll let you know whose turn it is. Are you ready? Yes. Yes. I've already like kicked away. We've already. Are you ready. Oh, the Lord. Lord. Lord. Okay. of Thanksgiving. Wait, it's a fortune. So you just ask for a noun. Like you don't have to. Oh, Jesus. Oh, my God. Fortune. Yeah. Okay. You have to keep that in. Tom, please keep that in. You guys are told you are. I didn't know what the
word. Well, now you're proven it. And I'm like, why do I need to know this when I know about the Lord? It's hard to read. Okay. May, give me a noun. Brisk it. All right. Take, give me another noun. Um, Secretary of State. God, that's a cropper. May it was worth it. May, give me another noun. Botplug. Whoa. Classic. Take, give me an adjective. Fluffy. Okay. May another noun. Water wings. Okay. Wow. This is going to
be a real treat. Uh, take, give me a family member. Any family member. Um, Godfather. Hmm. Good one. Can I replace water wings? No. Okay. No. God. The ad lib police. Mad lib police. Give me an adjective. Uh, adjective. Slipery. Take, give me a plural noun. A plural noun. How about, um, I'm bored. That's my joke. A plural noun. Jelly beans. Sure, bud. Another noun may mystery. Take, give us an unadjitive. Why don't I ever get nouns? Dude, all you got was nouns in the beginning.
Sneaky. Yeah, that's good. All right. May give us another family member. Um, uncle. Actually, I'll say, Uncle, isn't that like the non-binary version of uncle and uncle? I know. I think that's a part of your foot. Right. I'm going to go with ankle though. It's an aunt, uncle, uncle aunt. Yeah, it's like a non-binary and uncle. I made it out, but I think that's what it is. Okay. What's that say? A number? Can you read that, Thomas?
Oh my God. I thought you guys go. I'm trying to figure out how dare you. This is a nightmare. If I, if I could show you this picture of this ad, mad lib, it's so blurry. Do you know people have paid verb? Good money to listen to this free podcast. Give us a verb. What is a verb again? A big like a, like an action word. Yeah. Remember I'm the one without an education. I have a seventh grade education. We're all like, wait, what's an adjunct?
A verb, um, hop. Is that a verb? Hop. Hop. Get off my ass. Get me my ass. Noun, May. Oh, there you go. Another noun. Yeah. Gouda. Gouda, okay. Teg, a number. 88. My favorite one. May an adjective. Yeah. An adjective? Yeah. Winnie. Teg, a family member. Godmother. May another noun. Jockstrap. Teg, a plural noun. Singers. And lastly, May a noun. Ooh. Uh, who? You said it. All right. Now what? Now what happens? Now we read it and we, uh,
a half. Now this story, it's a, this is a mad live. Is it true? Is it a true story? It's a, it's a, it's a based on a true story. Some of the names of our people have been changed to protect their identities. But this is called, oh my Thanksgiving pie. Hold on to your panties. I'm so excited. You ready? Yeah. Yeah. We're ready. One, one of the best parts of Thanksgiving is having pie for dessert. My favorites are brisket and secretary of state
pie. No, I know lots of people like butt plug pie and even fluffy water wings pie. My godfather makes their own pie crust using slippery jelly beans and mystery. And it tastes so sneaky. So hot. Pies in the Guda for 88 minutes. And it comes out smelling whiny. I like to have godmother's jock strap pie with vanilla singers on top or fresh whipped poo. And I'm sorry. It's godmother's what pie because I'm going to make there's jock strap
pie. I'm making that a yearly tradition with my family. Yeah. Oh my god. You have to pop a pie in Guda for 88 minutes to make it. That one was all recipes. That was really so mad. What a mad live. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking all state first. Like you know how to check that you have your handsome coffee before you had to work. Yeah. Checking first is smart. So check all state first for
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So glad you got to participate to be honest I realized I like being in control more. We have discovered something. Well the next time we do a madlib you're in charge boss. I'm a madman handsome listeners. You're welcome. Amazing and dumb. Take it out. We're going to be topped from the bottom. I'm not playing next time. Next time take a look I'll get a coffee. All right. The only thing left to do is go to our today's question. We teed
that up perfectly. Today's questioners are a married couple who have brought you films like Thunder Force, Life of the Party and Tammy. One of them is Oscar nominated for her role for her roles in bridesmaids and can you ever forgive me? They have a new podcast called Hildi the Barbeque and the Lake of Fire in which Melissa stars as Hildi and unlikely
hero from the land of Golgraph. That sounds right up my street. I love that. Yeah. Hildi from Golgraph I'm I'm in Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone are asking today's question. Nice. Oh man Melissa. I love Ben and Melissa. I've known Ben and Melissa both for many years from the groundlings. Oh really? Yeah. They were both in main company. As I was coming up I would watch them both in these shows at the theater. Then Melissa started doing Gilmore
Girls and was really busy. Ben was directing a bunch of shows and everyone that had him as a director just loved, loved, loved, been so obsessed. Was he a teacher too? He was a teacher too and Melissa would come back and I remember she had a bunch of wigs and like oh my god. Stage glasses and jewelry and she's like if anybody needs any of this, you know and I was like oh my god because that stuff was so expensive and so we were like yes this
is awesome and she would come watch shows and both are just so lovely but so funny. Her role in bridesmaids. I forgot that she got to nominated for an Oscar for that. As she should. I just saw a clip of it where she meets Kristen Wigg for the first time and she could Kristen Wiggas, hey how are you? She goes well I'm on the mend and it's just like you know people like that who opens. I took a hard violent fall off a cruise ship. So good.
So good. I met her once. I was having dinner with Lisa Kudrow and they know each other and they bumped into each other and I was like vibrating at the table. She was so nice and funny and warm. Oh my god. She's the best. She is speechlessly. Yeah. Funny. Yeah. Good people always just trying to make people laugh and do good things and haven't succeeded yet but yeah. Yeah. Still trying. Wish them the best. Hello Handsome. This is Melissa McCartney. This is Ben
Falco. We're so excited about our podcast. Who will be the barbeque and the lake of fire were shamelessly. I am. We're so excited about that. So subtle. Well yeah. But we also have a question. What is the trickiest bit joke story? Something that you had to like work and re-work but you knew you knew it was there. You knew there was something to it but you had to like back row it to the ground. That's just our neighborhood building and how it's still worry about it.
Yeah. That's fine. That is so funny. A comedic bit that you had to work until you knew you were like the conviction that it was funny was so profound and it just was not working. That's a great question. Wait. So oh I'm sorry I missed that and does it not ever work or does it finally work out? I think it finally works. Right. Okay. Okay. Could do. Yeah. I feel like for myself I've had so many of those. I don't even know where to begin. Just that out on a ledge feeling where you're like
this is a real leap here. Yeah. I had this concept of thinking it was really funny. You know you of course see babies taking baths but I thought it would be so funny to see an infant taking a shower. I just I focused through it. Well that's really it. There was like nothing funnier to me than opening a shower curtain and seeing a wobbly baby that doesn't even know like can barely
stand is in a shower taking when being like a lot of it. But just being like like no like really unstable wobbly you know because they they can't really they can't really stand or walk very well but yet they're standing there taking a shower to me that concept was really funny and I see it's really tickling both of you. No how's it yeah has it worked yet? Oh it's long long pass. It was on my first album called Good One and they did onto an album. Yeah yeah because I do an act out. I
do an act out. I could act out. And the crowd went wild. Well I mean I do it. It wasn't a tape special. It was years ago where it was just an audio album but but yeah I I really believed in this bit and then and then I I act out the the awkward unstable infant actually showering. Well that part's probably funny. Well it's a shame it's on an audio. Because I'm like seeing you wobble as an infant. See it in your mind. See how you're like see the infant in the shower in your
mind because I bet it's like the specific shower and the specific. Well and also just seeing the little fat baby thighs and legs and you know the creases of fat on like an infant. It's just so cute. It's like picture that little unstable chubby body with lit and in the bit I say with stupid little two inch feet. So like you I like that. You have barely anything to stand on to support
that body. You know. Stupid little two inch feet I like because of phrase a lot. Yeah. I like the idea of seeing infants in in congruent situations like a like a baby in a suit working in an office is that's good to me. Well yeah and that's the what begins today is the infant takes a shower. Right right right. Okay okay yeah. Yeah. So anyway it took me a while to to get that. Yeah.
But that's the that's the fun of it all. Like as a comedian you're trying you have your ideas and your concepts your jokes your thoughts and feelings and then you have to when they're a little weird like that you got to get the masses on board you have to get that to translate and that's
like such a fun leap. I can think of two small things. One was when we were making feel good. It was in my head it was really funny that my roommate was he's from LA but he always says he's from Hollywood and then that the my British girlfriend gets really shy every time she says the word Hollywood
like she thinks she can't she's not allowed to say it even and so she's no one liked it. The crew didn't like it the director didn't get why was funny the actors were like where's the joke here and the line was just her going well you'd understand Phil because you're from and then him going you can say it Hollywood. No one thought it was funny but I was like that's funny a British person being shy to say Hollywood. I don't know. Well it must be very directed to some sort of feeling or
thought that you have around Hollywood. Yeah maybe it's like embarrassing to say like you would never say like I live in Tinsletown like yeah you say I live in Los Angeles you know I say the biz the biz okay someone asked me at the Bloomingdale the other day we're at what I did for living I work in the biz oh my god and they were like what biz bands don't say. Maybe not one follow a
question. I'm dealing with a crazy person. My friend when I moved to LA with some childhood friends and like maybe two days after we got to LA my friend Leslie goes to order a pizza for us and she's on the phone with the the person taking the order this is how long ago it was that we move that you actually call and talk to a person to order a pizza and don't you do it all online
now and ask for some Thai places. So Leslie calls to order a pizza and then the the the woman asks what Leslie's address is and what part of town she's in that's what it was and Leslie goes and she earnestly felt this way like she goes Hollywood because we'd only lived in town like
three days and tell her it was just like whoa but we live here. Hollywood the other one is this stand-up bit I was doing pretty recently like a couple years ago about bees communicating through the power of dance and things I was doing this bit in England and it was like I was like this is
like a really well structured joke and it was always bombing like just they're sort of chuckles and I was like what's going on and then finally someone shouted out that's an eddy-izzard bit and I was like what and and then it was at a bit that I have seen from one of his specials that I
loved when I was about 1314 and my brain just it was almost verbatim yeah it was really scary because I was like fuck I could like yeah I fully stole it without knowing and I was like oh my god this just came to me so fully formed this is like how it's wild so embarrassed and I was like thank
you for saying something finally like what must people think he's or she is so famous and what is the big okay I want to I'm looking for new material I don't know this bit yeah but I need a closer for my new hour you gotta try the bee bit try eddy's be it's it's just that bees communicate through
dance and I can't remember but oh yeah and then how depressing it would be if they have to communicate something sad and they're like oh Stephen died or whatever but they're I don't know because they do communicate through dance did you know I did not know that I heard it through eddy
but yeah how embarrassing though like what if Eddie got win that I was just verbatim just doing this doing this bit doing this bit yeah god isn't that terrifying when you don't know if like we don't know if we still something I mean that is so much stuff is coming in and out of people's ears
and and eyes these days that you are like is this a unique thought or did I hear this but that's why it's always like helpful when you use personal stories because yeah you know what I learned my lesson because that's like one of the only observational bits I've ever done and I was like oh wow
also from one of my favorite comedians from one of my favorite specials like how is my brain just corroded and swiss cheese yeah I'm pretty sure I would be a little suspicious of some if you told me somebody was out there doing like a 15 minute long Taylor day in a bit completely oh
you know oh right yeah yeah something to tell you what is it is it something about bees no I've been doing it 15 minute Taylor day in a bit it's crushing I guess I have two two ones one was a stand up thing and one was a ground links thing and
the stand up one was now it's a bit that people often shout for me to do but it took me a long time to figure out how to make it funny but it started by me doing a I was going to show in my home um a charlotte which is 30 minutes from my hometown and someone of the audience was just like
remember when you were on the swim team and I was like I do remember that and that was it and I was like yeah I was on the swim team and I wasn't very good and they were like yeah you weren't very good and I was like okay calm down and it made me remember that when I joined the swim team I
didn't know how to do the butterfly um so I would run across the pool and do the motions of the butterfly with my hands but your feet were walking my feet were all up here and so they like the visual they thought that was funny but then I didn't know I go that's it I don't know you know
what else to tell you about that and I kept me like there's something to that like that is funny a funny visual a kid can't swim so they're running across the pool trying to do the the butterfly with their hands but I could not for like two years figure out how to turn it into a
story and I just I was like I'm not giving up on this story and I just kind of kept adding like a sentence at a time of just like I'm going to keep telling this like boring story until it I can build build it better and then now and then at the end of that like two and a half year
tour it is one of my best bits I love that yeah you did it you never know we did it we did it and then the groundlings one was I I would always start with a wig that I thought was funny and I was like oh this is short gray haired wig is kind of like I'm in a line already of this
and I a sparkle jacket um and I was like I'm gonna base a character just around this like this outfit and so I came up with a lounge singer the lord and I was like I don't know if this is like could not I just like I know this is a funny look and a funny costume but I don't
know what she does other than she's a lounge singer um so I finally uh I would kind of do it and there was like not much to it because just seeing a woman like that seeing is kind of like well okay but what what about that is funny besides she just looks funny so then I start then I came
up with a thing where she has a signature cocktail and uh I would say hello my name is Tita Martin I have a son right son set signature cocktail named after me Tita Martin and then I would play a piano and then so the letter came over time that she would sing and then stop herself to say I noticed
nobody ordered my Tita Martin son right son set signature cocktail that's okay we've got time and I would just keep coming back to this cocktail and I go now and say well maybe you need to know what's in it and I'd be like Jen vodka tequila sprite cranberry juice pomegranate seeds
and a whole banana so it just became this stupid bit but it ended up being funny but by a lot of trial and error I would like to see it when it was just singing singing the songs I would just train like you are my sunshine my only sunshine and that was it you know what I would have done with her
what since she was a lounge singer I would have made her always lounging around oh yeah that's fine just like when she you know she's singing as a lounge singer but then when she's off stage man she is just lounging in the chairs in the boobs backstage and needed you lounging yeah like you can't stop this woman from lounging around I have a character that nobody likes as well let's hear it yeah let's hear it I heard from the nobody likes it's basically a stand-up comedian who
after every punchline their bit is or they're like catchphrase I guess is they yawn as if they're bored so they go and that's why they call it a fair play after every punchline they go I like it yeah I remember the first time I was doing TV doing stand-up on TV I was backstage getting ready to
be called out and I just started yawning I got so tired and the producer was like are you really this tired now like I don't I think I don't know what's happening but people told me later that that can happen with nerves yeah like you just kind of shut down I used to yawning doctors
offices a lot because you know because I'd be nervous yeah but then would you ever have an observation that you think is universal and then it bombs all the time yeah like do you think that the only food that gets stuck in your kind of nasal cavity is carrot like when you're
chewing a carrot and a little piece of carrot just flies up into your nasal cavity oh god I don't have with any other food I never have that happen I have either are you serious no Thomas who again swan if not three against one yes I don't think it's a good thing to make you feel better
it's a duct tape thing but yeah you don't you've never had that thing where you're like I think a bit of carrot stuck in my nose I can't say no enough times yeah I'm gonna go with my original answer no I do love to hear if you agree yeah me too except I don't like the risk I'm gonna get a
I know no other food does that to me interesting anyways well that's the end of this episode let's hear Melissa Benz answer right right I love their outfits by the way you have to go YouTube to see these I know mine is was in the boss there was what really long joke that my brain
was ahead of my mouth and I kept saying I know what I know what I can't but I couldn't say it and I kept like stuttering, stammering it took like eight or nine times but it's all about these badges and wouldn't be underappreciated and all this crazy stuff and finally finally it worked out
and I sure remember doing that and finally the elixir of profanity was just perfect I stay out of your way too what you do it she's added added profanities that what she said their neighbors construction was yeah that house getting in the way of their of their punchline
mm-hmm it's hard to imagine I think that you know when somebody is just so outrageously funny as Melissa McCarthy it is hard to be like you struggled with anything yeah anything like anything it seems impossible it's like funny just runs through her bones it's
mm-hmm so crazy and was she saying it was a long phrase about women being underappreciated yeah I'm into it I love it do you ever bond with your kids take where you really all the time that's the only thing I do is bond with them oh that's so good when you really go out on a limb
with something bold oh my god it's my entire relationship with them they look at me like I am the most annoying loser who shares a house with them and I I push like every part of my personality as a comedian disappears when I'm around them and oh my god I push so hard I am so desperate
I will move them over to hot that's so good oh my god I'm like I I try so hard I so none of that dry with it's all like hello my darling yeah my darling I love it Jesus I do treasure chest of props yeah hey and I'm just I'm just disturbing them oh my god that's so funny yeah it's really wild
where I have to remind my professional comedians yeah yeah but I do I have to remind myself to just take a deep breath chill out just act normal if you build it they will come yeah it's it's so interesting to see that side of me come out because it doesn't come out with anybody else
aside from them I want them to think I'm the funniest person and I yeah I I don't trust myself I don't trust that they will know that just by me being myself but yet I trust it as I tore the world with strangers what a podcast yeah what a podcast um I would like to say mark your calendars
December 3rd okay my my Netflix special crushing it right yes is premiering and I'm super pumped I'm in a sweet yes I was gonna say you tease that you were really happy with your outfit for it and I didn't know what it was and I I sort of in my mind thought suit it's I'm kind of it's
electric it's beautiful uplifting pink it's so beautiful I'm so proud of this one it's my my third Netflix special I just want people to watch it and enjoy it so I want to remind you on that week of but yeah well marker calendar I'm sure people are gonna watch it and enjoy it and I
cannot wait to see you look and handsome thank you yeah I'm still out in Toronto filming star trek and will be through February so um check my um website I am doing two to three shows a week at comedy bar working on a school new material I mean I basically live there so um check that out
and then I have you know sporadic dates here and there you could come see me at largo on December 4th and Stephanie Allen will be doing improv and I'm gonna try and get her to do a free form prayer you have to I really can imagine it I really want to that is funny I don't got great
surprise guests it's gonna be super fun um and yeah we'll I'll be riding high off watching fortune special yeah probably doing some of your jokes for me to be pleased I have a whole new tour starting I think it goes up on sale this week so check out my Instagram for all those dates
subscribe to the podcast and subscribe to our YouTube channel that way you're not gonna miss any biggie appearances right um you're not gonna miss anybody going sexy viral AF or whatever um but um yeah thanks for listening and until next time I mean keep your hands on handsome is hosted by me
Tignotaro may martin and fortune-themedster the show is produced recorded and edited by Thomas will let email us at handsome pod at gmail dot com follow us on social media at handsome pod handsoms the audio version of my comedy special hello again is available everywhere
just in time for the holidays go to tignotaro dot com to get a copy for you and a loved one now some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking all state first like you know how to check the weather before you go sailing yeah checking first is smart so check
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nick nanny and we are the hosts of chicken pod mjohn now on headgum it's the very first podcast for and about Italian Americans that's right but if you're not Italian American you can listen to i guess i suppose we can let you and cut you a deal we're talking about all sorts of crazy
topics on this who's a better cook nana or mama who you got in that fight no no mama i mean i can't say bad about no no she smacked me across head we got some great guests on the show we got Wayne diamond we got edie modica we got mike anford and our wife several and so subscribe to chicken pod mjohn on spotify apple podcast pocket cast or wherever you get your podcast new episodes drop every thursday