G Flip asks about childhood career goals

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Welcome to the Handsome Pod. It's me, your friend and host, Tig Notaro, sitting here with... Fortune Feimster, me. And me, Mae Martin. And Biggie, he's here too. Is he? And Thomas, there he is. There he is. Oh, Biggie flying on in on his bed. He don't sleep now. Yeah. Yeah. That is good to see you too. Oh yeah. Good to see you. We were supposed to be in person today and I'm, uh, I'm sick. So you know, a little sicky poo. Yeah, man, I'm sick. It's so boring. And, uh,

No one cares. We care. We want you to be okay. But we do appreciate you not getting us sick. Right? Yeah, that's what I'm always thinking about. Tell us about your sickness. Well, thanks. It's riveting. We're talking a classic cold. I'm drinking a hot beverage out of actually out of a mug that a handsome listener gave us at a live show. pineapple apart and there you go oh that is a nice mug isn't it it's my style of mug because it's like big yeah it's big it's earthy it's like you know

That's good. That is really good. Think of all of the things that... our listeners have made and haven't been able to give to us, you know, because we get things sent to us, handed to us. Remember that woman? tracked me down, ran down the airport in Austin to give me the Biggie dead eyes. That's right. T-shirts. Right. We had things crocheted for us. Yeah. Somebody knitted. Yeah. Crocheted.

guacamole and avocado bear that and then the what are the things called when it's like in a wooden circle oh like needlepoint needlepoint we've had People are very... What are those things called? I don't know. People are very crafty. I never would have guessed needlepoint. Really? Yeah, you would have held me hostage for life trying to guess. I would have guessed wooden nickel.

Wooden nickel for sure. That'd be my guess. What was that thing you guessed on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune? How dare you? How dare you? It was the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. It was the what? One of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life. It was not meant to be funny, Fortune Marie. It was so funny. Fortune, do not embarrass me like this in front of our listeners. I'm talking about an exercise. Yes, yes, yes. Well.

What was it? Mae, you have to Google it. It's the greatest. It was so obvious what it was. But what did you say it was? It was like riding an exercise bike or something. Okay. You know, you have to. I sucked at Celebrity Jeopardy so I can laugh. Well, you know, they give you just bits and pieces of the sentence or phrase. And I chose crash. Crash. Crashing my Exorcist bike. That was... Fortune Marie!

I cried laughing at that. I had to stand by what I said. And you did. I did. I stood firm right there. with Thomas Lennon and Nikki Glaser laughing at me. That was... One of the best TV moments in a while. Crashing my exorcist bike. That was my delivery. As it was coming out of my mouth, I was like, this cannot possibly be the answer.

But I didn't know what else could be the answer. And as soon as I realized it was exercise and not exorcist, it still made no sense. But it made more sense than my exorcist. bike so so funny that that brought me a good tickle thank you you are the worst fortune no how good is it that that moment is immortalized like Most people's embarrassing moments just live in their memories, but that is forever. That will forever exist. How do you know it was embarrassing?

I was proud. It was a proud moment. Oh my gosh. Crashing my exorcist. I'll never. play on celebrity jeopardy again i'll tell you that why like are you banned no no i just was not great i had a hard time with the buzzer And I answered some just dumb ass things. And the worst thing is we're playing for charity. Oh, God. And so, like, you want to help people. You want to raise money. You want to do what's right. And then it's like, oh, my gosh, I'm a buffoon representing your organization.

organization and my sincerest apologies. I felt like such a failure chiming in with, you know, crashing my exorcist bike. What the hell did I just say? Yeah. You want them money regardless. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all for a good cause. Could have gotten them more. That's all right. Thanks. Next time. I don't think there will be a next time. I want you to go back on and then.

it's a similar clue. And you're like, this time I'm not going to fuck up. And so you're like exercise bike. And like, it was actually exorcist bike. Damn it. You got me. What else? What's shaking?

um how's your mother fortune um she's doing doing all right i would just want to go visit her um so we had some nice chats we found a bench you know i love Sitting on a bench. You're easy to please that way. Honestly, I am. I was in my hometown, and it's such a cute little area, and we just went to the park and sat and chatted for a while. She went to Emory in Atlanta and met with a...

a specialist to, you know, gave her some hope, which she was really happy about. That's amazing. Everybody else she had talked to kind of has been a little doom and gloom. And he basically said, you know, like, you got to do three months of chemo before we can even begin to come up with a plan because we need to see how your body responds to it and everybody's body.

is different in its response. So once you do that, you'll come back and then, you know, there's a lot of things, a lot of trials and a lot of, you know, whatever, and don't think about lifespan and numbers.

um just let's you know start this journey and and see how it unfolds well that's the epitome of a great bedside manner yeah you know just like one day at a time yeah yeah and just having that openness and um I think it it's really something that positivity that you get around you and that you feel and that it's all telling your body a message yeah

And yeah, I think that's really, really great. Yeah. So she had like a... pep in her step when she called right great um that's amazing and i yeah she said she was very happy she went and now she's gonna start this chemo journey it's it's a road but man I'm glad that she found what sounds like...

One of the best places to go for what she has. And then having a doctor with that kind of vibe and that news. And he was like, you know, listen, I'm not going to sugarcoat it. This is a tough, what you have is. not great you know like this is a tough road um but we'll just we're just gonna do what like you said day by day take it and um see what what all we can do

You know, sometimes it is, like you said, he didn't sugarcoat it. And I think that's, I mean, the vibe, obviously I didn't meet this guy, but the vibe sounds just. just really good because of not sugarcoating it and because he's not doom and gloom and leaving that openness for reality and that reality being A medical reality, but also an emotional reality, like to leave that space open for you to kind of bounce between the two because it's going to be an ongoing roller coaster. It's not great.

But here's what's positive about it. And letting it be unwritten, the future, you know? Right. Yeah. Yeah. And apparently that's kind of the vibe of this Emory Winship. The whole program is a lot of people approach it, approach it, everything from a positive position of like attitude, you know, just a very. good demeanor and attitude. So she's definitely in a good place. So happy, happy about that and happy she feels, feels the, the oomph to fight and get through this.

I feel like she's going to be really popular. in the chemo space like she's gonna all that like the nurses are gonna love her oh yeah she's gonna make friends so yeah she will inspire others she will make the most of this terrible situation for sure Yeah, well, thanks for sharing it with us. Yeah, thanks for asking. So when did you get back? Like two days ago. Okay, cool. I'll be kind of popping in and out of North Carolina a lot more.

You know, just even if it's for a short visit, just why not? Yeah. How about you guys? What's up with y'all? Well, I told Tig on a mini episode, but I went to the desert. And then I guess this is...

the lord punishing me for going to the desert i got a cold um and then is that what people usually leave the desert with is a cold did you make out with strangers in the desert is that why you got a cold With a lizard and a strange ghost I met in Joshua Tree National Park. A strange ghost. Strange ghost. Not a normal one. Yeah, ghost. You know what I found out? Dung beetles navigate.

using the milky way as their navigation system and they're the only animal that does that may fact may fact and not the milky way candy bar fortune i'm gonna sit this out for a second you guys can't stop won't stop you can't stop that I could, but do you want me to? So it's can stop, won't stop. That's right. Can stop, don't want to stop. That's right. What about you, Tig? What's up? Oh, what is up? Gosh.

Anyway, should we go to our question? Yes. Let's go to our question. If I'm honest, I had a bit of a weird day today, but it's, yeah, it's good. Stephanie and I go on a...

a walk every morning. Oh yeah. And, um, yeah, we, uh, we dropped Max and Finn off and then we go on a walk and, uh, I don't know. I, you know how just something from your life. sneaks up on you and then just wrestles you to the ground. Really? Yeah. Like from your past? Yeah. Just... I mean, not to fully go in neck deep into anything, but I think it's just the gist of it is loving our kids so much.

And it spun into a conversation of knowing that my father loved me and my brother so much. And he just wasn't really... So many factors in life made him not available or around and whatever. And it tripped me up when we were talking about it. I got so emotional. And and I was saying.

I've never been mad at my father. I've always just been sad or missed him or confused, you know, through my childhood. But it's also through... the eyes of being a parent that I know he meant well and I know he loved me and I understand his life. I understand his trajectory. I get what happened, you know, for the most part. And then it just came back around to me understanding myself more.

And and just hoping that in whatever ways that I fumble in life that that my kids will feel that way. Not that this is born out of like some huge fumble of mine. Like I said, I'm not trying to get neck deep into it, but it was so fascinating because it's a topic that typically does not trip me up. Right. Man. Not only did it trip me, it got me on the walk and I went home and I started writing like.

crazy really i mean i started writing about my father i started writing about my stepfather i started I got into so much stuff because even though I was tremendously emotional, I was saying certain things that was making...

I was making jokes and Stephanie would start laughing so hard where she was like, Oh my God, like just the, that juxtaposition of the joke on what I was talking about. And I was like, I just have to go home and like really get into this and it was fascinating because it's been my whole day of and then Stephanie went and did something came home and I was filling her in

on it. And then I got emotional all over again. Yeah. So, but I'm, I'm, I'm good. Um, and it's, but it's been really, really fascinating. Yeah. It sounds like something was on. unplugged unexpectedly and then the fact that you it's flowing out of you to write is that's great well and again it was so born out of

love for Max and Finn. And then, you know, I was telling Stephanie about this moment in my childhood that my father came to visit us at my grandmother's house, and he was kneeling on one knee. And we were like eight and nine, and he had his arm around both of us. And he was just sobbing, saying, I love you guys so much. And Stephanie was like, wow. So he emoted like that. I was like, oh, yeah. He had no problem with crying about.

Any of that stuff. And this is a guy that walked around with a knife and a pistol in his cowboy boots. And that's not to say that's... uh how everyone should be gearing up for the day but um yeah it was just it was i just never never doubted his love

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Code handsome. Because not to get too into the weeds, but he just wasn't around much in your childhood. Yeah, I mean, my parents divorced when I was six months. And he was the guy that my grandmother, my mother's mother didn't approve of. And when they split, he was, you know, they were young partiers and, you know, two babies are born and they were in their 20s. You know, in the 70s, people weren't consciously uncoupling. It was very severed and not terribly open.

It, a lot of complications in life. Yeah. Your, your mom had full custody. Yeah. Yeah. But we would see him every now and then. And, and. There was a lot. There was a lot, a lot, a lot. But I think losing my mother and then my stepfather and... There's kind of backed up emotions, I think, in processing somebody else, another parent.

who wasn't directly always in my life. And I kind of feel like I hit it today. I mean, I've been sad before and stuff, but this was just like, not just sadness, it was like a real... awakening and my like i said my love for my kids like cracked it open and and really got made me get in touch with his love for for us you know

It's funny, like we have so much fluency now around like mental health. And I feel like we have so much empathy for our parents' generation and our grandparents. Yeah. So it's... tough sometimes multiple feelings are existing at once because you so clearly see this like wounded person but then also you know how it's affected you and it's a tough thing to balance oh yeah it's it's really

Interesting. I feel like I did some sort of drug trip where I was like, I love everything and everyone and I get it. You know what I mean? I forgive and I hope you forgive me. And I, you know, all of those things just hitting at once. And it, you know, any sadness also felt just good, too. Like the generosity that you were showing him and your mom and everything and the love and, you know, in this circumstance, it's like, there's no doubt that.

your kids for your, any minor fumble are going to have the same perspective, you know? Yeah. You're the three national human being for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've been, I've been having that like. going through different things in my life right now where it's made me understand what my parents were dealing with when they were my age. I thought they were like so old when all of their, you know, fractures were happening. Yeah. And they were, I'm like, I would.

We were the same age. That's crazy to me. You're the exact same age, right? Yeah, my parents divorced at the age I am right now. Wow. It just made me, when I realized that. I was just like, oh my God. Not that I was like, I never really held on to their divorce in that kind of like victim-y way, but it definitely just made me see them. as like, oh, they just were doing the best they could. Right. For sure. Yeah. And that was, was that in the 80s? That would have been 92. Oh, okay.

You guys are having deep thoughts today. I like it. You know, I got to say this cold is making me think about all colds, really. I wasn't having that thought today, but Tig's journey made me think of that that has been on my mind. Just seeing your parents in that more vulnerable way of like, you know. I don't know what I would have done in their position had I been three kids deep, no money. You make the decisions you make and try to not mess people up too much. Oh, man. Yeah.

I've recently been encouraging my parents to drink water. And then I was like, when did that happen? Like parenting? Yeah, like as a kid, it never crosses your mind that your parents need to drink more water. Yeah. And are they doing it? I don't know. I'll check in next. I'll let you know. Their skin's glowing next time you see them. Yeah. They're like, it never occurred to us to drink water until you said something.

Oh, I think that was good for you. I think it's good to have these like releases too, you know? Well, yeah, it's just, it's crazy when they, I mean, I am. never walking down the sidewalk boohooing you know um it's not really the place where and i'm i'm not like a hard cry i definitely And that's what Stephanie was pointing out. She was like, wow, so your brother, your mother, and your dad, and yourself, you're all... Criers. Yeah. And I'm like, yeah, fully. Is Stephanie not a crier?

Not really. I mean, she does, for sure. But I beat her to it every time. Every single time. I cry. Me too. I try to be stoic, but it just... it comes the cancer in me is just like emoting right away yeah yeah and again it's like when it hits you from behind and and i was like oh i'm I'm about to cry, which is what I said on the walk. And somebody was like, oh, and I was like, wow, I'm a little surprised right now. But it was such a good release.

Yeah, like I said, to sit down and just write. And I told Stephanie, I was like, I don't know if this is for me or for the rest of the world or what, but I wrote about my father. I wrote about my stepfather. I wrote about... Yeah. Everything that came to my mind and all serious and jokes, everything. That's your sweet spot though. Yeah. And the best thing is to write it just for you as if no one's ever going to.

hear it and then decide once it's written yeah then you get the real juice out do you ever find yourself writing for the audience or uh and then back up or Or are you always like, this is for me and I hope you come along? Sometimes I feel like there's pressure to have a clear point of view on things for an audience when I might.

not know how i feel about anything i don't know yeah yeah i haven't read my stand-up i haven't dug crazy deep emotionally There are clearly some things happening in my life right now. that are going to require that. And I haven't begun that process and I will be interested to see what that looks like. So you are open to... that yeah i think there's some stuff i'll you know i'm not gonna get crazy personal but there will be things to share yeah but i don't know what that i'm not gonna force it

Right. I'm just going to see that as my life unfolds and evolves what that looks like in terms of what I do talk about. Yeah. Well, and that ties into you're doing it for yourself and you can't. do it for the audience like even if the audience is like give us all the details um some aren't for them yeah for sure and they won't be yeah um but yeah and maybe all of them

Maybe all isn't for them. It just goes back to what you're most comfortable with. Yeah. But I think like the reflection of big changes in life and headed into a new direction is of. something to discuss at some point very relatable i think to so many people yeah no doubt good times Yeah, so I won't just be making just cooter jokes.

Around here. Don't you worry. What about charcuterie jokes? I'll still make cooter jokes for sure. Yeah, I guess. They're not just going away. No. You mean cooters or? Hopefully cooters are here to stay. Oh, fortune Marie. Should we move on to our guest? Yeah, we should. Well, today's question asker is...

An awesome musician from Mebben. Oh, boy. Wait, Mebben? Melbourne? But they say... They don't say Mebben. Mebben. They don't say Mebben, do they? They say Melbourne. Melbourne. But I don't want to impress you guys with my Australian accent once again. Ooh, I have something for you, Fortune. Please. Try this. You as well, May. Okay. Rise up lights. Oh my God. Rise of lights. Rise of lights. Oh my God. Wait, I'm going to, I just want to Google sentences to practice Australian.

accent oh what a keyboard is fast quite with us so was it really loud are you serious typewriter We are dead serious, Mae. I couldn't hear it. Okay. Raising lines. Jennifer Lopez. That's a good one. Jennifer Lopez and her lip, lip taint. Yeah, they're just giving me examples of, like, put a shrimp on the barbie and stuff. Put another shrimp on the barbie, mate. I can't. My accent just got worse. Let's introduce our question after.

We'll continue, but we're not cutting that out. Okay, of course not. I'll go back and repeat myself.

So we can give our friend a proper introduction. Our question asker for today is from Melbourne, Australia, whose platinum charting singles include Killing My Time and Drinking Too Much. Their album Drummer won the 2023... j award for australian album of the year wow uh g flip is asking today's question yeah g flip so cool I'm actually going to be in a, I don't know if it's a secret, but I'm in a music video of G flips.

Seriously? Secret is out. You heard it here first on Hazel. What? Hugh Phillips is like an amazing drummer, but also sings and plays guitar. And it's just super rad and nice. And we met last summer at a Pride event. We believe that building a website should be easy. That's why Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website.

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or lesser value mcdonald's collab with monopoly in the 90s was brilliant on paper the problem their head of security orchestrated the ultimate inside job Hmm. On Wondery's podcast, The Big Flop, comedians join host Misha Brown to chronicle pop culture's biggest fails and try to answer the age-old question, who thought this was a good idea?

Listen to The Big Flop wherever you get your podcasts. Yeah, just a rad, cool person. What are you going to do in the music video? The thing that popped into my mind was... do you remember that Enrique Iglesias music video for hero that had, it was, I liked the ones that are a big epic plot. It was like Jennifer Love Hewitt. I'm not naked in it. Well, then I'm not watching. I love that song Hero by Enrique. You do?

I love it. Wow. Yeah, I'm the comedic relief. All the other gay people in the video are the sexy people with, you know, tank tops on. And then I come and I fuss at everyone. And then we dance. We are all sexy to someone and we are also all terribly unsexy to others. That's so true. That's so true. Well, because, you know, G-Flips, are they married? Chrishell is G-Flips' partner from Selling Sunset. Selling Sunset. They're a very good looking couple. Oh, my God.

They are married. They are married. Yeah. And so Chrishell was there watching and I was like, I got to bring the sexy because the two of them are very good looking. So I did my best to like do the like smolder, you know. Well, yeah, we've seen that. Wait, with the eyes wide, it's a little scary. That was really scary. What sort of message are you sending?

The eyes wide really. How about this? That's pretty good. So you've already filmed it. I did. I bet it's coming out Pride Month. It's probably already out. Because we are in Pride Month. Almost at the end of it. Have we heard their question yet? No, we haven't. We have things to talk about. Sorry. With attention spans like ours, we had things to get to. What's up, handsome podcast? It's G Flip here. Huge fans of all of you. Tigme, Fortune, love what you all do.

And my little question is, when you were all younger, what did you want to be when you were older? And this is like before maybe we wanted to be in the entertainment industry, like when we're three, four, five years old. Keeping it wholesome. So, yeah, that's my little question. Love all three of yours work. You're awesome. I feel like I sound just like G Flip when I talk. Yeah. When you're Australian? Yeah. Do it again. Hello, handsome. Hello. Hello, handsome. I'm a fan of all of you.

I mean, how come we rarely get anybody from Ireland? Yeah, that's true. We should get an Irish person to say, hey, I'll have a question for you at the top of the morning. That was not bad. It's better than my Australian accent for sure. But I feel like every other guest is Australian. I'm here in the Ireland looking at the pretty grass and the rainbows and the pot of gold and I'd really like to ask you a question.

We're going to alienate ourselves from every country. I know we're going to see the numbers drop off. Yeah. Is there an Irish, who could we ask Colin? Jamie Dornan, Colin Farrell. Colin, give us a ring-a-ding. Colin, Colin, Colin. Do you like that? Barry Keegan. Colin, Colin. Don't you worry. We'll get some Irish blood up in here. Knock, knock. Who's there? Come in. Interrupting Irish. Interrupting Irish who? Have a good morning to you. Thank you.

came in a second too late. Really? Wait, was there a delay? Yeah, I think there was a delay. I had finished. And then you said it. Well, this fight is getting nasty. Oh, God, we have a good time. You know, we have a laugh. We have a laugh, don't we? We have a laugh. We have a cough. We have a cry. We're handsome. So when y'all were young, do you remember what you wanted to be? Do you? Do you?

I wanted to be a boy. If I was a boy, even just for a day. My theme song. No, I think the weird thing is I think from like a really young age, my mom told me I was going to be an actor or a comedian. You're going to be a boy. You're a boy, May. They were Irish. Yeah, I think I like outside of the entertainment industry. I don't know. I think I always because my dad would talk about being an actor when he was young. And like, I was always kind of. It's like the opposite of most people like my.

Parents were like, that's a legit job. You should do that. What about you guys? Because the ones people always say are like vets, astronauts. Yeah, for sure an astronaut was the go-to at my school. Really? Firemen for the boys. Really? Yeah. All those blue collar jobs and then an astronaut. Uh, yeah. Or it would be like a teacher. Yeah. Like kids always want to be vets, but I think the reality of it, they would find quite depressing. That would be a hard job for sure.

But if you loved them animals. Yeah. I wanted to be a vet. I mean, I wanted to be several different things, but I had this white terrycloth jacket.

And whenever one of our cats or our dog needed ointment or something, I would put that terrycloth jacket on and I would apply the ointment. Or if a goldfish died, I would put the jacket on. It looked like a vet jacket. And I would, you know, flush the goldfish. I don't know that that's the appropriate thing to do. But that is what people would do. Yeah. I don't know. Do you think a bag would do that? I don't.

I don't think the vet was going back there and just flushing goldfish, but maybe. I don't know. Depends on the plumbing. I also was... interested in an architect being an architect really yes like you're doing lego and stuff no drawing plans out whoa yeah Yeah. I mean, I'm not saying they were good or, you know, building a log cabin house.

designing your dream home or like tree houses and stuff. And yeah, I also think I was very, and this might tie back to my childhood and a lot going on. But I think I was drawing floor plans. where i'm gonna live like gotta move out of here i'm blowing this popsicle yeah yeah so i was always drawing floor plans um i was like yeah maybe i'll be an architect If they let kids actually design a city and be the architects, there'd be slides in every house and those poles that you slide down.

Like Barbie's dream house. Yeah. Was that a dream? Yeah. What did you want to do, Fortune? I'm trying to remember. I feel like I didn't have any goals when I was really young.

I just wanted to be footloose and fancy free. Is that the fancy thing? When was your most footloose and fancy free time of your life? Probably like those young, young days. Kindergarten. So you had already hit your dream. Oh yeah, I peaked. I was the most gorgeous I've ever been at five years old. My curls were popping. Oh yeah. I have a picture of me in kindergarten with these luscious locks.

And I was in my soccer cleats. I had a muscle tee on. Of course. And our kindergarten teacher, as an activity for the class, had us hammering nails. What? Yeah. Into a block. We were hammering nails at five years old. With actual metal hammers? Actual giant hammers. Was this a qualified teacher? He was amazing. This teacher, he was a man. It was a man. He was a closeted gay man. We didn't know, but he came out a few years later. Good for him.

He came out at school? Like, did he? He stopped teaching. I think, and then came out and then unfortunately passed away. He was incredible. Everyone wanted him as a teacher. And yeah, I don't remember much, but I do remember that. So clearly at five, I wanted to be a construction worker. That was my dream. I wanted to be butch. I wanted to, you know, make sure the house was repaired.

standing um i think i would have i did like to draw a lot too i my um i learned how to draw an apple and for you congrats yeah thank you i also drew bart simpson Okay. And an S with the, you know how you do three lines and then the diamond S? Nothing more satisfying. Tig, you know. May knows this kind of S. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought I was going to be, I wasn't thinking about architect as much, but I thought I was going to be a real artiste. Like, you're going to see my paintings.

Do you still have that first apple you drew? I don't. See, there it is. Oh, whoops. There it is. It could also be an eight. Yeah. But I thought I was... Learning how to do that, I was like, art is for me. I remember this neighbor of mine telling me when I was like in seventh grade. She said, my mom thinks you're going to be a comedian. Oh, wow. No way. Oh, it was so exhilarating. Yeah.

I felt seen in a way I had not ever felt. I was like, whoa, your mother thinks I'm going to be a comedian? How old were you? I was in seventh grade. And, you know, it's a crazy twist to this story is years later, my neighbor and her mother.

came to my show in Austin and they told me that there were four kids in their family and my friend was the oldest and she had a brother i think her brother was the youngest of the four like he was probably two or three when you know what i mean like anyway um and when they came to my show They told me that he was in the car with his mother as like a teenager or college age, something like that. And they were listening to This American Life.

And I came on, I think this is right, that I came on or I came on either This American Life or like local radio show playing comedy clips or whatever. And he said, oh, man, I love Tig Notaro. And she said, well, you know, she was your neighbor. And he was like, no, he had no idea. Cause like, yeah. Cause like I moved away. People grew up like.

We weren't close over the years, and he never knew that I lived four houses down from him. Funny. That's a drip. And he had said that to his mother, who said that... i should be a comedian or something like that so you must have been you must have been funny around yeah i i was i think were you hitting on the mom Probably, you know. What's up, Susan? Also, whenever I would hear the Billy Joel song, what is it where he says, got a call from an old friend. We used to be real close. Something like.

now he's giving stand-up routine in LA. What is that Billy Joel song? Every time I heard that line, I was like, it was electrifying. Yeah. Because I secretly wanted to be a comedian, but I also didn't understand the path of ending up on stage. But, oh, the Billy Joel song is My Life. And there's a line. That his friend moved out to the West Coast and is now giving stand-up routine in LA. That must be one of the only songs that references stand-up comedy.

I know. I can't think of any other ones. Well, it doesn't rhyme with anything. Comedy. Comedy. Yeah. Yeah. Dramedy. Dramedy. Dramedy. Dramedy. There you go. Vomity. Vomity. Yeah, it did it. The bombity when you don't do well in comedy. That's right. Stand up and comedy were not on my radar for till I think college maybe or maybe late high school.

Meaning you didn't follow it until then? Yeah, I didn't. You know, like people now will be like, what stand-up albums do you listen to growing up? And I was like, I mean, I love like Saturday Night Live, but I didn't listen to like stand-up albums. So stand-up was not on my radar. Did people tell you you were funny, though? In flashes. In flashes? Well, I would have like peaks in it. You're funny.

i was pretty shy and then i would have moments of like coming out of my shell and in those moments people would tell me i was funny yeah so those were the flashes But I don't think, I don't think you would have, if you would ask me when I grew up with that they were like, maybe, maybe college people, but the younger days, I don't think they were like, oh yeah, she's going to be a comedian. Yeah. I remember, and maybe I've mentioned this before, but.

in my uh documentary that the documentary made about me i the director is talking to my stepfather and he's talking about how he did not know that i was funny You didn't share that side of yourself with him? You forgot to tell him that? Yeah, I guess I didn't let him know. But I thought that was so funny and incredible. And he's like, yeah, I didn't.

realized it was funny but didn't you say once you got to like high school you were like more thinking your path was gonna be like music in the music business well i got into the music business i mean i also wanted to be the fifth beetle when i used to listen to the beetles when i was little um Even though they had broken up and John Lennon had died, when I had their record on, I was like, man, that is my goal in life. I'm going to be the fifth Beatle.

And it was just not going to happen. I still don't think it's going to happen. But yeah, I think a rock star, architect, or vet. I kind of thought I was going to be like... just hitchhiking around writing poems and like having girlfriends. I just wanted to be an itinerant poet. When you were really, really young, you thought about girls in that way? No, I guess when I was really young.

No, I, I, it was more about like, I definitely fantasized a lot about being alone when I was a kid, like about living in a tree house and just having animals as friends and yeah. And being. on my own and in control of my own choices and stuff which is weird because i'm not that good on my own now like i always have a friend staying with me i'm always i like being around people but yeah

But you still have critters all in your yard, right? Or do I ever have a menagerie of pals? Yeah. I know whenever I would see TV shows or movies where like a kid lived alone in the woods or had a tree house or was living off the land. and best friends with raccoons. I was like... where do I sign? Yes, exactly. This is the life for me. Like I'm going to live off of berries, which is what I'm doing now. But even like when trees, like trees really speak to me.

And I was always up in one, always climbing trees. And we were leaving Max and Finn's baseball game the other day. And there was just this extraordinary tree. I was like, man, Max, look at that. He was like, I'm going to climb it. And I was like, please do. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And with his cleats on and everything. And it was.

I was a little jealous. I used to love to get lost in the woods. Yes. But you know that moment where you're blissed out, you're on your own in the woods, heart pounding and stuff, but then there's a moment where you're like... Oh, I'm, I'm too far. Like, and you can't hear anyone anymore. And then you, and then you run back, you sprint back. No, no. In fact, I remember my stepfather, there was this creek.

that um was near our house and I oh my gosh I I used to go out into the woods with a clipboard and paper and I would take notes. I don't know what my job was that I was imagining. I was in like fourth grade and I would be taking notes and I'd be drawing pictures of different animal tracks I was seeing. and all that kind of stuff. And my stepfather, I remember, put on rubber boots.

rubber steel tip boots to like walk down that Creek looking for me. Yeah. Cause I was like so far gone. Yeah. Huckleberry Tig was nowhere to be found. Yeah. You had to make your report. Yes, I don't know. I remember one time I was in a sewage ditch and I had leeches on my legs and I didn't know what they were. Pure Stand By Me. That movie Stand By Me. Oh, yeah, I didn't see that, but I had leeches on my legs. It was before we worried about ticks and stuff.

anything i wouldn't worry about a thing we didn't care about anything back then no sunscreen i was smoking you know yeah to grow up by a creek oh man did you No, it was very urban always. It was in the city, right? Yeah, but I could walk to the cemetery and Mount Pleasant Cemetery was this big, it was, it was really big, like you could drive around it and it was kind of the closest thing to nature near me. And so I would always go there with a, I'd go to the 7-Eleven.

and buy a gallon of chocolate milk. And me and my friend Nicole would go and sit by the graves and drink the shit out of that chocolate milk. Imagine the things these graves see. Or don't see. I remember one time I was in a graveyard. I was on tour and I passed this graveyard and I was like, I'm going to wander around. And I went into the graveyard and I saw. this tombstone that had birthday decorations all around it and just like this celebratory vibe. Yeah. And it was so...

Stopped me in my tracks. Stopped me in my tracks. What about those big mausoleums? Imagine you die and you have a big gothic mausoleum built. little i don't think i'd want to be in one of those no i don't think so i'd feel claustrophobic

You think you're claustrophobic? Guys, I keep making jokes that suck. Let's hear it again. There's nothing better than a repeated joke. I missed it. Okay, you said, I don't think I want to be in. And I said, what about a wasp? Wait. Okay, okay. I don't get it. I don't think I want a bee. Oh. I don't think I want to be in one of those. What about a was? Oh my gosh, you are on fire.

It is better now that you've told us. I'm telling you, I have always been destined to be a comedian. You have to write that down. You should. put the insert that into something i have to this isn't

From my childhood, but I did this as an adult and I felt like a child and it was so freeing and I cannot encourage people enough to do this. When I lived in Austin. my first girlfriend and i she's an incredible musician i play a little drums a little guitar yeah you do um rock star i told her that i had always had a fantasy of taking my drum set in the middle of the night and setting it up in the middle of a golf course.

And just playing and people not knowing where the drums are coming from. Because who's going to be on a golf course in the middle of the night? Right. No one. So we drive the drum set out there. I mean, like. You did this? We did it. We did it. Yeah. We haul the drum set out into, you know, piece by piece out into the middle of the golf course. She brings her French horn, which she jammed on. And we, I played drums.

played french horn and we just went nuts we were like so free we were laughing we knew nobody was going to catch us nobody knew where it was coming from and it was i felt like a child that's incredible yeah also what would you do like if you did catch two people doing that i don't think we'd get in a lot of trouble it was a public golf course um i can't remember the name of it in austin but it's right there in the middle of i don't know maybe near hyde park whatever

neighborhood that is if you're a listener in Austin um yeah my girlfriend and I went and set up in the middle of the night and just rocked it so spontaneous I bet someone listening to this is gonna be like oh my god that's what that was like they heard this french horn and no unless she has a french horn what a specific instrument Oh my God. She played the tuba. She played the zither, banjo, piano, drums, guitar. Whoa. I mean, if you know what I mean, everything.

I don't know. May Marie. Can you explain it again? Please. One more joke. Dick Van Dyke. He's always. know he wears oh and chitty chitty bank or mary papa okay he's got a drum he's got a horn he's got another good one and write this down No, that's a good reference. So Dick Van Dyke, I've got wannabe. Oh, my God. Also, my ex that I did that with. Yeah.

posted a video online of her one-man band. No. She did the whole clanky, clanky, strum, strum, accord. She plays accordion, harmonica, everything. So the Dick Van Dyke joke was a real winner. should we get to our uh answer here yeah i just want to say that that spice girl song wannabe should have i could do wanna wasp Anyways, let's hear G. No, no, no. Explain. Let's stop for a minute. Think about this. I would like to learn how to play the banjo.

That's really hard. The banjo is harder than the guitar. Oh, Biggie. Biggie's up from his nap. He just wanted to say hi. Hi, Biggie. Let me see that face. Okay. There he is. There he is. Every time I can't believe that is a real face. And the tongue. He got a little haircut. The tongue hanging out. What a guy. Don't show us his privates this time, though, okay? Do we look alike? Yeah, kind of. Put your tongue out. There we are. I see it. Look at that. Yeah. Twins.

He just wanted to say hi to his handsome friends. Oh, my God. That is insane that that face exists on this planet. I feel like I don't want to overdo him. and make people get tired of him but i feel like his face makes people happy and they yeah nobody's gonna get sick of that face that's what i thought thank you for letting me if they are serial killer that's a serial killer yeah

Yeah. All right. And my answer to that question of mine. is I was dead set on being a taxi driver. I love cars, still love cars, and I just wanted to drive people around and just chat to random folks every day. And, yeah, was real keen on being a taxi driver, which I guess if the music fails, I can always go back to my early dreams. You know what would have been a good kind of taxi cab driver? Remember that show Taxi Cab Confessions? Oh, yeah. If that made anyone want to be a taxi driver. Yeah.

I believe it because the hot goss that was happening in those taxis was pretty exciting. Yeah. Also, that's really interesting to love cars and the go-to. is taxi.

cab driver like why not car sales person yeah or race car driver because they want to chat with people i guess yeah they love to chat yeah i guess born to chat just like you tig yeah to chat girl i have you know i have an ex with a tattoo btc born to chat really thanks for the amazing question yeah g flip we appreciate it to reminisce about

you know, childhood. And I think it tied in nicely with that big parental intro. Yes. Absolutely. I really, I hope I get to meet G flip and Chris shell soon. Oh, I'm sure you will. All in good time. All in good time. Yeah. Anybody have anything going on? I feel like Fortune isn't doing anything. I sure do have some things going on. I'm on tour, you guys.

I'll be at the Thunder Valley Casino Resort in Lincoln, California on June 27th. And then taking a little time off in July, which is nice. And I'll be in Edmonton with Mateo Lane in July. San Antonio, Houston, Norfolk, Virginia, Richmond, D.C., Portland, Maine, and Boston, among many other dates that are coming. Nice. Can I tell you something really ridiculous? Please.

Every time. And, you know, obviously Thomas edits things nicely. So it sounds all clean and like we're chiming in right away and people don't realize that I am. always slowly mentioning my tour dates yeah you're googling them well i have been doing that by pulling up my calendar and going through each month and looking for shows that I have. And it just dawned on me the other day that I could pull up my tour dates on my website. And this is the first time I'll be doing

doing this. So anytime you've heard me rattle off dates, it has been an ordeal for me. And I don't appreciate that nobody has helped me with that. And then you just let me struggle. Oh, and people check out season two of FUBAR that's streaming on Netflix right now. I play a senior agent. How dare you interrupt me. I'm sorry. Pew, pew. Pew, pew, pew, pew. I will be live and also in concert.

August 17th in West Hampton Beach, New York. And then August 23rd in Provincetown, Massachusetts. Two shows. First one is sold out. And I have not checked on the second one in weeks. So for your sake, I hope there's some tickets left for the second show. Also, go to tignotaro.com for any... Largo or Dynasty typewriter shows in Los Angeles. I think that's it. What about you, Mae?

I think I don't have much going on. I think check out my Instagram. I've always got shows in LA at Largo and Dynasty Typewriter. But I think I'm just... chilling out so nothing wrong with that yeah check out feel good on netflix or If you listen to music, you might like to listen to some of mine on Spotify. Some great tunes that Mae's got going on. Thanks. Yeah, every now and then something will pop up on Instagram. I'm like, that's a good tune. Thank you.

That is a good tune. I love that. Yeah, me too. Nothing wrong with hearing a good tune. And May, you say you're not up to much, but pack up a drum set and go out into the middle of a golf course and hit it. How fun does that sound? That sounds... Perfect. Yeah, yeah.

All right. Well, please subscribe to the podcast, the audio version and YouTube, and also send your favorite episodes to friends and loved ones and help us build this very handsome community. Until next time, what do you say? Let's keep it handsome. Yeah. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com. And please follow us on social media at handsomepod.

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Recently, when I was having a moment of gratitude for my group chat, I thought, I wish everyone could have these geniuses at their fingertips like I do. Well, now you do. Hi, hi, it's Hope. Hey, babe, it's Jamie. Welcome to our podcast, Landlines, where we share our life sustaining and shame extinguishing friendship.

We have known each other and we've been friends for a very long time. Hope was my first best friend, but it wasn't mutual. I mean, I distinctly remember calling her on the phone and asking if she'd sit next to me on the bus. And she said, maybe. Maybe. At least she didn't say no. She wasn't sure. Maybe it was like discerning.

When I was pregnant, I started this group chat to prepare and crowdsource. And it's been such a delight to troubleshoot with our friend group. And we just had this thought, should we invite other people into our group chat? I'm a therapist. I'm a trained early childhood educator. And I'm, well, you know, whatever I am. I guess someone who has the vibe of having it all together.

And still the three of us find it hard to be moms, partners, friends, family members, professional women, and just, you know, adults. The stuff we're talking about, whatever the recent fight was with our partner or the... parenting concern we have or a funny thing with our kids or it's like, what's going on with my body? I feel like I have like a family of squirrels living in my kids.

lower abdomen like I feel affirmed I feel normalized I feel like I'm not going fucking crazy and I had to talk it out with you guys with different perspectives and different identities that you're juggling totally lifelong friendship has been our lifeline we sincerely hope our conversation makes you feel less alone in whatever you're going through So subscribe to Landlines on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes are out now on HeadGum. Love you!