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Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the U.S. only. Savings vary. Terms apply. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Northbrook, Illinois. This is a HeadGum Podcast. Cheers. Welcome to the Handsome Pod. I'm your host, Fortune Feimster. I'm your other host, Tig Notaro. And I finally am your third host, Mae Martin.
Woo! Yeehaw! Look at us. We're all in green. Earthy, foresty. Earthy colors. I'm in gray. Oh, that's gray. I wish I was in green because green is my favorite color. Green is a good color. Yeah, I think I told the story on here about how I was in a green jacket, green pants, had my green suitcase and the woman at security or TSA was like, is your favorite color green?
yeah how'd you know you're dressed in it head to toe oh right head to toe i really like the you know i'm always looking for the perfect tee the perfect cut and i really like the length of your sleeve there take that's Oh, that's too short for me. Really? See, I think it's like a James Dean kind of crop. It's good. No, you too can rock those type of sleeves. I need a little bit more coverage.
You got to hide those guns. Yeah, I don't want to show too much. You want to scare people? Give away the milk for free? Yeah! You got to work for Fortune's milk. But I also wear a lot of men's t-shirts, so the sleeves are often longer. I get a lot of t-shirts tailored. You do? Yeah. Even if it's a shitty t-shirt or not really worth it, I'll go spend it.
I knew you could tailor a tee. Yeah, just take it to like a laundromat that does alterations. And then what do they do to it? Well, I always get an inch and a half off the bottom. And then I'm getting sometimes the sleeves shortened a little bit too. Really? Yeah. Wow. This is blowing my mind. I have to wear a long tee, otherwise my belly shows. A long tee is good, though. I need a longer tee. Yeah, I just buy a shirt and put it on and head out.
head out the door yeah yeah i mean if something rips i go get it tailored yeah do people care about i've had like suits tailored and uh but not not in general I'm not out getting things tailored. I just had two blazers tailored because we're handsome.
If you begin to entertain the thought, do people care? Then our whole careers just crumble like a house of cards. Does anyone care about anything we're saying? Yeah, sometimes I hear myself, I'm like... shut up yeah that's why i try to avoid listening to myself because i i can't i can't do it i cannot do it i i'm always like how How are people into this? Really? Oh, my gosh. Yeah. That's so funny. Podcasting, stand up, acting. I mean, and I'm not like really.
attacking myself because I don't feel like I'm really that hard on myself. But I am a little like, I think it's just because, you know, I'm used to myself. So it's hard to imagine that. Somebody wants extra. I haven't done stand-up. I hadn't done stand-up in like six months. And then I did a set recently. How'd it go? It went pretty well. I mean, I told the bear story.
you know about the bear portal and the painting and but i really had i heard myself saying wouldn't it be funny if uh the way the moon like waxes and wanes like the moon gets full and then if like our bums did that like if our bums became really round yeah like for the no not bum holes like oh not like if the full moon we had like
a round bum and then it went anyway and that was a moment where I had outside of myself I was like what is why do you think you need to say that into a microphone like no one is laughing yeah That's the beauty of art. You just say whatever you want. Working out new stand up. Yes. I will tell you guys this. I just got off the phone with my mother. How is Ginger? Ginger Famester.
How is she? She's good. I'm about to go spend four days with her. So hopefully I have some fun stories for you because she's a doozy. Yes. And she said, I saw. that the handsome pod is... And I'm like, get to it. What are you asking? Because everything's very drawn out. Well, I saw that the Handsome Pod is going to be performing in April. at the ramen and i go well i love the ramen but i have never been i go then how do you know you love it i just know i love it and i've wanted to go there
And I didn't get to go when you did it on your tour last tour. And I think I know Tig and May, they like me. Do you know that? Do you know that for sure? They like me and they would want me to come see that show. Yes, we would. I said... This is an actual conversation. I have it right before. I know Tig and May like me. I know Tig and May. They like me. They would want me there. We of course want her to be there. A hundred percent.
So she's already plotting and planning for this April gig. She's not going to come out for Austin? No, she can drive to Nashville. She likes to drive to these places. Would she come on stage? yeah oh god yeah now she's really good now she's really gonna sell triple fast she will die if she gets to be on stage at the Ryman that actually is pretty fun idea yeah oh my god yeah maybe ask one more question that'd be great yeah
Gosh, maybe when we're in Austin, I could get my aunt to come up on stage or something. We have different family members coming on stage. I get my whole family to come on stage in Austin. Well, my mom just had a knee surgery. So her whole thing about having the knee surgery was that she was going to be turning over a new leaf. And once her knee surgery, she goes, you know, I had a surgery recently. I go, you did? Yeah.
I had my knee surgery and I'm losing weight. So that means that I can come to more shows. I was like, oh, good for me. Now, does she listen to Handsome? She sure does. Okay, so she's going to hear this. Ginger, get yourself out to Nashville. Oh, God. This is going to be expensive for me because I have to pay for her hotel. She's staying with me. Oh, good. Yeah, Mae. Come on now. Hang out with Ginge. Yeah.
Well, so there you go. I've never been to so many parts of the States, but in Nashville, are we going to do something like music-y? Like it's a big music town, right? You can bring your guitar if you want. Well, I wasn't so much thinking. Oh, that. We should probably invite Dolly. Oh, yeah. Can Dolly come? What if Dolly asked us a question? Oh, that's the dream. Hey, handsome. Oh, that was good fortune.
Let's hear it again. Dolly has a very specific accent. I don't think I can do it. Well, y'all. Yeah, I can't do Dolly's accent. No, you just did it perfectly. Hey, handsome. Hey, handsome. Everything sing-songy. Yeah. When I went down to the market. She plays her nails. That famous song when I went down to the market. That is really a catchy tune when I went down to the market. Do y'all know her foundation gives away like millions and millions and millions of dollars worth of books?
kids yeah she's unbelievable she really is i love that woman she really is wait i'm sorry what who said that you would motorboat motor yes went in from her dolly her foundation and her charity work. Well, you can love people without motorboating them. There are so many people that I love. I didn't do a good job of the grammar in that sentence. I love her and her, all the... altruistic stuff she does period i'd also motivate her no matter where the punctuation went yeah
But that's how you show your love, Fortune. It's a really specific thing to you is you're a motorboater. I love a motorboat. That's so funny. So I'll never know your love. Yo, what am I going to... What are you going to smack me around with? What do you call them? Garbage tits? Dumpster tits. That's yours. Hit me with your dumpster. If I can find them in the alleyway.
They're there. You know they're still there. They're still there. Nobody's doing it to me. There's too much space here. You've never been motorboated? No, I don't think no, because there's not a lot to work with. Yeah, but like if Jax really wanted to make it happen. If Jax wanted that.
I would give it to her in 2.2 seconds. So you would like to have a good motorboat? Yeah. If that's what she needs and wants, I will do that for my wife, but she's never going to ask for that. Okay. We need to, I'm going to. dm jackson be like fortune's too embarrassed to ask you but i think i have her number i might just text her directly text jackson she's gonna say what are you talking about can i text her right now yeah but okay you know the um
I actually don't know if I have a number. But you know when you want your partner to do something, but you want them to want to do it. It's just ruined if you have to ask for it. Like it has to come from them. I want you to want to be motorboated. I want you to want to motorboat me. I want you to motorboat. i need you to motorboat i love you I'm begging you to motorboat. I do love a motorboat. Sorry, y'all. I love Cheap Trick. That's a good band. Dream Police. Do you like that song?
I've never heard of it. It's real good. Do you think cheap trick is a reference to sex work? I do. Have you guys ever been asked to sign someone's boob? Yes. Many a time. Really? Have you not? But I have to say no. I think I have, yeah. You say no? Yeah. Even if it's over the shirt? I would do it like up here, but I can't sign the boot. It was in my marriage vows.
Oh, I was like, if anyone asked me to sign their boo. Jax, I will never sign another titty for the rest of my life. I will not sign my name within an inch of a nipple. I swear to thee. I met someone after a show who had got a tattoo that said feel good in the font of the show and it was like up on her bum cheek. And did you sign it?
i did actually yeah did she ask you to sign it or you're just like yeah she did give it here give me that marker i back in the back in my single days i signed some boobs But now I'm... Good for you, girl. Now I'm dead inside. Wait, are you really not allowed to sign boobs in your marriage? Out of respect, I don't sign boobs. What if Jax was there?
And the person wanted both of you to sign. I don't care if she signed the boob, but I would have to make sure it was okay with her. Normally, if someone's like, well, you signed my boob, I go, how about your back? Or your shoulder. I just pivot. I don't not sign. We just pivot. Speaking of marking up bods, I got a tattoo recently. Oh, a new one.
what is it i got two actually like a hot dog bun or something it's really why because it's so random the ones i guess yeah like you have some oatmeal i have oatmeal i don't know is this one we can see or is it in a private part It is online. Because we're happy to sign it.
Yeah, no, I can show it. I it was really impulsive. I was just walking by, you know, I had this godfather and in Greece and a little rural village in Greece. He died a couple years ago. I think you told us an early episode. Well, he I've been trying to think. like how could i get a tattoo to honor him because he was such a larger than life character and i was thinking he was in the navy the greek navy and he was a chef in the navy and one time the food was too salty and one of the sailors
I angrily got up and stabbed him in the chest with a fork. And so as a kid, I used to love hearing this story. It electrified me and he had a scar on his chest of four from a fork. And so I got tattooed on my. chest like a what it's pixel oh i see dots yeah yeah yeah oh wow a fork it looks like someone's diving with a fork
Anyways, and then I got to take your face. Over your heart? Yeah, over my heart. Yeah. Over my heart. Wow. And then I wrote the word bear. Oh, yeah. Here we go. Now we're talking. I got the word. God, man, you're so fit. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Because of the bear saga. Oh, so you got two tattoos? Yeah, bear and fork scar. Wow. Good for you. Okay.
They come over you in the morning. Sometimes you think, I've got to get one today. Oh, really? Is that how it works? I've never had a tattoo. I haven't either. Put it on the list, Thomas. Not for me. My body's a temple. Can't you tell? What about if Dolly Parton said, I will spend a week.
hanging out with you and Jax. Yes, I would get face tattoos. Oh, no, don't get a face tattoo. If Dolly said she would spend a week with you and Jax, yes, I would get face tattoos. I would get a tattoo, but not on my face. face what if she said you got to get my signature tattooed on you oh i would have dolly's signature yeah it has like a heart or something on her what if she says you have to get my face tattooed on your face
I don't want a face tattoo. Oh, okay. I love Dolly, but that's a lot. I have to live with that for the rest of my life. We would have to live with it. I know. We got a podcast with you. We got to look at it. We got to look at it.
You just see Dolly right here on my cheek. We've played before the... game i invented called what would you let jennifer aniston peer pressure you into doing right i think on an early episode yeah do we have another situation well face tattoo is a good one if if she said matching she was like honey
Let's just get two small little tattoos on our faces. Just tiny little ones and best friends for life. You know I'm doing it. You think Jen's going to do that to her face? In this scenario, she is. I mean, Tig, I feel like you're like... Well, I'm already friends with her. Yeah, I'm already friends. I mean, if she was like, we got to do this to be friends for life, I would be like, what about all the other stuff you already said?
I was already in for life. What about the 10,000 promises you made? Yeah, you've already made 10,000 promises, Jen. Why do I have to get a matching face tattoo with you? We get teardrops. I love Jen, but I don't want a face tattoo. I love her too. And I won't do it. I'm not doing it. I mean, I'm not even going to consider it until I get invited to her holiday party. Oh, you didn't get the invite? Oh, shut up. Are you serious? You've already been invited. Oh, you already got the invite.
Fortune, what are we going to do? Was Stephanie busy that night? Can I be your plus one? Yeah, can we be your plus ones? Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Yeah, like you know how to check and make sure that your favorite museum is open on Mondays before heading over there for a day of cultural enrichment.
Yeah, checking first is smart. Go check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. This content is intended for audiences in the U.S. only. Savings vary, terms apply. Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Today, we're talking about a very exciting new sponsor of Handsome. Haya Children's Vitamins. I introduced my kids to Haya and they love them. They think of it as a little treat. And guess what?
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50% off your first order. To claim this deal, you must go to hyahealth.com slash handsome. This deal is not available on their regular website. Go to H-I-Y-A-H-E-A-L-T-H. dot com slash handsome and get your kids the full body nourishment they need to grow into healthy adults. We promise to be cool. We won't be weird. It totally comes across like you would totally be cool. I wouldn't bring up the game. I'll just let her hear this. I'll be totally cool. I'll let her hear this episode.
and be like i'll do this what's up that would be good fortune i won't even act like too excited to see her what's up jen yeah hey john Or Stephanie can come and ask Jen if you can get a plus plus. What about me? I said plus plus. Well, plus plus plus. What about me? Plus plus plus. Maybe fortune can be your...
Plus one. Guys, I don't think you're going to be at Jen's party. No. I just don't. I just don't. It's not looking promising. Well, can I work in the kitchen? Can I drive you to there? I have a good idea. Here's how you can get in. The horse costume. Oh, the horse costume. The Trojan horse in the Jen's party. That is the only way. Here's our plan. I'm going to drive you and Stephanie. Okay.
And then we pull up to her house. Again, I'm not seeing me in this equation. Thanks for coming. We'll text you. Yeah, but there's a whole security gate situation. I'm like, I'm going up through there. And then when I'm up there, I'm like, oh. have to oh i gotta pee and they're like and then i and then i go jen what oh my god what so good to see you again and then the security starts dragging you off the property
She goes, I must have invited you. I don't remember. Okay, what about this? And then I'm there. I dress up as either Max or Finn. And we pass me off as one of your... Children. You'd be Finn. I'd be Finn. I'll be Max. Yeah. I bring my sons Max and Finn. Oh, my God. That would be so funny having you both in car seats in the back. Well, me and Fortune are going to have our own holiday party. Yeah, we're going to watch Jen Anderson's movie.
movies yeah yeah but she's not invited to the party but we're gonna watch all her movies she's gonna be so upset you guys yeah well anyway So frustrating. I was thinking that maybe we got invites this year because she was on the handsome pod. I know. If only that was how it worked, then we'd be invited to Tom Hanks' party. Yeah. Arnold. Liz McCarthy, I heard, throws a good party around the holidays. Oh, man. Where's our invite? I got invited to Arnold's house.
Okay, well, I feel like now it's going to get out there that we're just desperate. I'm not desperate. I don't want to go. Yeah, I don't actually want to go. I'm busy. I'm super busy. Yeah, who cares? I can't. I'm going to be in Toronto anyway. I got a lot of boobs to sign. Oh, you're going to miss the party? I got a lot of boobs to motorboat. Are you going to for real miss the party because you're in Toronto?
I don't know yet. I'm missing Zooey Deschanel's party, not to brag, but I'm going to be in Toronto. I'm really sad about that. I was invited to that one too. I wasn't. Wait, you're going to be in Toronto then too? Good for you guys. Okay. I'm going to eat my scone.
I'm going for like five days or something in December. Oh, okay. What are you doing? I'm doing a charity. Actually, yeah, a charity music show in honor of... my friend who passed away who was an amazing musician and it raises money for this very cool charity that um helps people with mental illness produce their music and people with addiction and and stuff it like gets their music
gets their music made, get them in the studio. Yeah. So I'm doing that and going into the edit to watch some of the cuts. I've been editing remotely, like online with the editor in Toronto for Wayward. And I'm going to go in in person. watch my face twitch on a big screen. Now wait, it's called Wayward? Why did I think it was called something else? It was called Tall Pines. Oh, okay. Everybody thought that was too much like Twin Peaks.
And so we called it Wayward because the show is about wayward youth, you know, because I was going to suggest the facts of life. Oh, that's hang on. Let me text. Good times. Oh, yeah. Good times would be a good one. What about Happy Days? Or The Nanny. Is it in my imagination or were you really into the Fonz for a while? I mean, I loved Happy Days, but Sarah Silverman.
Kind of refers to me as the Fonz. And then Kate Micucci's parents call me the Tig. Love Micucci. The Tig? The Tig. Yeah, I like that. Kind of like the Fonz, they said. Yeah. It would be good if my parents had a nickname for you guys and if you had some, a relationship with them. I know. Yeah. When can that happen? I would like to have a nickname from both of your parents. Yeah. I'll get on that. My dad would be like, what?
you want a what for what is he gonna come out to the Ryman he definitely will not why he didn't listen to anything any of this stuff my radio show but i mean i don't even think he's seen my specials i don't think he has netflix really or maybe he watched at my mom's house i'm not sure but um even though he doesn't follow
The show, can he just come out and visit us? I mean, we're his three. He hates to travel. Oh, man. He's really making this difficult. He's a very simple guy. We're going to have to go to him, Tig. I'm about to go buy him a pair of Skecher tennis shoes this afternoon. That's so nice. he likes sketchers um he wants to try those slip-ons that are like lightweight tennis tennis so you don't have to like worry about all the hubbub of
dragging those heavy shoes around. Should we hear from our questioner? Yes, please. Today's questioner is an actress and comedian who's been a cast member of Saturday Night Live. since 2018. She's also appeared in films like Players, Genie, and Good Burger 2. Ego Wodum is asking today's question. Nice. Hello, handsome.
My name is Zega Wodum. You might recognize me from Saturday Night Live, among other things. But here's my question for you. When's the last time you did something you knew was not good for you, but you did it anyway? And what was the thing? Oh, Ego is so funny. Have you seen her Dionne Warwick impression? Yes. No, but I would love to. It's so...
Good. I love Dionne Warwick. And they've had Dionne Warwick on the show where Ego's interviewing. Ego's dressed up as Dionne interviewing Dionne. Yeah, she's so funny. I met her at that. I went to this charity event, Big Slick in Kansas City, and she was there. And she's just so effortlessly funny and talented. And it's such a staple on that show.
She's got just an aura. Like she's got the X factor for sure. Yeah. She's really close with our old assistant. Yeah. Yeah. So I would hear about her. I think even before she got on. SNL. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's a really good question as well. I feel like in a... I was about to get really, well, here we go. I feel in a constant state of shame because I feel so aware of all the things that are bad for me, especially like just on social media. Like it's.
Like we know what would make us happy and good. It's like eat balanced whole foods, get good sleep, drink water, meditate. And it's just hard to do all those things. You know, I know I'm on my phone too much. you know, I had a tough summer as I was smoking cigarettes. Like I just know these things, but then the shame spiral is useless as well. Cause then I'm like, well, you know, what's the point of everything? So it's like thing by thing. And then.
Like the other day I, on Instagram, I saw advertised this thing called like a grounding sheet. It's like a bottom sheet that you put on your bed. Have you heard of this take? And I have one. I ordered one. So I don't know what this is. It's like, apparently. we're all charged with static electricity all the time. And because of all the electronics around us and all the shit we do. And so this sheet is the same as like walking in bare feet on the earth. And I don't know, like.
grounds your ions or something you plug it in and but then so I bought it and now I guess I'm less electricity but I was like I kind of I was like I wish I never knew that I'd been walking around lousy with electricity all this time like it's endless the things that we are having to do to be healthy and it's a full-time job and I feel guilty for not meditating and all that
I just had to get all that off my chest. Do you like, do you find your, cause they showed a video of like a scan they did that showed all the electricity in someone's body. And then on the grounding sheet, they're like. neutralized. Do you feel better today? I mean, I haven't really noticed anything. The first time I used it, I did have a really good night's sleep, which is unusual for me.
And then I didn't notice anything after that, but I just like, I'll just keep at it just in case it's doing something that might be helpful. Yeah. I've not heard of this, so. So I guess my short answer to that question is like daily. Always everything. Yeah, just on my phone before bed. I'm smoking at the moment like two cigarettes a day and I hate them. And I got hypnotized to try to quit. And I went to see this hypnotist and she was like, I'm going to put in your brain.
a trigger where when you think a bad thing about yourself, you see blocked and you don't want to smoke. And I don't know. I haven't seen that blocked thing. It hasn't come up. No. Have you ever been hypnotized before? No, it was pretty cool. I want to go back. Like I was lucid. I was in a deep state of relaxation for sure.
like on the cusp of being asleep. And then she was kind of walking me through like visualizations. Have you done it? I haven't. I, um, I, I, I think it's interesting. I don't trust that I would be able to be. To let go. Yeah. Yeah. I just don't, I can't picture myself in that state.
I could just picture myself relaxed. Feels like it would require a lot of concentration. This is kind of an extension of what I was saying. Like I'm just beating myself up through the whole hypnotism being like, I don't think I'm doing it right. I don't think I'm relaxed enough. I think I'm still, you know what I mean? Yeah.
Yeah. But I think you guys could do it. It was like she kind of overwhelmed me with a bunch of rapid fire questions. And then really fast, she goes, OK, now look at the ceiling, pick a spot. And then she's counting back from 10. And she said that.
overwhelming was part of it she like overloads your brain so then when you get a break your brain's like oh yeah interesting i know one of yours may but we can cut it if you don't want me to share it what i can tell you and then you can decide well may was going through something and read us a long text and ting and i both go don't send that oh man and then uh
You said like an abbreviated version of it, but not that abbreviated. Here's the thing. I'm a texter, but also I'm like, I don't want to play games. I want to say how I feel. And sometimes I know the way to get through to this person is to be like, hey, cool. Yeah, whatever. But I'm like, no, I'm sad. I got to say how I feel. I don't want to play games. But yeah, you guys were all like.
don't send that we're like don't send that may put the phone down walk away and i was like yeah of course of course and then two minutes later you were like yeah yeah yeah you're right you're right and then i was like still like that long i was like no i really shortened to you guys. And also sometimes...
My friends are like, just be firm. And I'm like, yeah, I'm going to be pretty strong worded here. And then I'm like, you know, really, if you'd like. If it's okay with you. If it's okay with you, it would be really nice to connect. I'm free anytime. Yeah. If you ever worry about the safety of your home and family, there's no better time to act right now. SimpliSafe is extending its massive Black Friday deal for our listeners. Get 50% off new SimpliSafe security systems. SimpliSafe is the home.
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like somebody's ruling you yeah and you're just like you know that you shouldn't oh like overdo the thing just but yeah great but you're so in it that you can't i like you just want to like word vomit What you said that was good, Fortune, or maybe it was you, Tig. Someone said you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. I liked that. It was me. I'm so smart. It was really smart.
It's like, you shouldn't be. Let me write that down. Yeah. Hold on one second. Along with live, laugh, love. Yeah. Wait, it's still, you can't say. But yeah, we've, it's just so interesting how other people can see like, oh, they shouldn't do this. Like, don't talk to them.
that person the path is is so clear because all of us have been there yeah um and when you're not like emotionally involved in that thing you go yeah this is so clear what this person should do but man when you're in it it is impossible impossible it is truly like moving a mountain
I mean, same with just like healthy habits with my friends. I'm like, if you could let me inhabit your brain and I would just make some choices, I'd fix up your life. Just give me a couple days. And I know that my friends could also do that with me. but it's just hard to take your own advice. Well, we're also creatures of habit. Listen, the amount of times I've told myself, don't eat that cheeseburger.
Go for the salad, you know. I mean, that's my internal dialogue that's constantly battling. Yeah. And then how do you and then like the shame spirals and it's like and then that's not helpful. Yeah. Yeah. Do you feel like it's more of a struggle for you like to say to be like, don't eat that cheeseburger or or like don't call that girl?
You know, like what struggle would you say would be harder? It would depend on the time of my life. Pre-Jax, I definitely spiraled over some people. Where in hindsight now, I go, oh my.
god what was i thinking yeah you know where you're just like jesus that was wild yeah um yeah you just can't like you're a whole other person yeah when you come out of it you're like well i'm sorry That, and not to like be rude to, you know, nameless, faceless people, but I mean, it is crazy when you reach the other side and you're like. Yes. Why did you have a hold on me? There are definitely people in my past, like from my 20s, who I was like, I will never love again.
And then looking back, I'm like, this was it. The one that got away. It's also funny to think about how everybody is also somebody that. You've been somebody that somebody wanted or wanted to be back together with. And it's funny to think that they're looking at you going, I can't believe I was hung up on that. Yeah, that I was hung up. on tig or may or fortune like we're just like these hilarious afterthoughts like so much of that is ego like so much of trying to convince someone to
to love you or to is, is, is ego and like wounded self-worth. And like, if you actually can release your ego and be like, yeah, if you, you know, if you'll be happier without this guy.
be my guest no but in a genuine way like yeah i'm trying to i know i've seen i've seen a few people in my life go through just horrible heartache and do it with such grace yeah like yeah that's what i'm trying to do yeah where i'm i'm truly blown away And, of course, they're suffering privately and whatever, but the way that they dealt with the breakup is so... I'm friends with a lot of my exes, and I think I do like the approach of like, well, if you do really love this person, then...
if you're able to put your ego aside, then you can, you still just, you want them to be happy and yeah. Okay. So take, what do you do that is bad for you that you still do? I mean, I, this is such a. boring topic and i apologize but um um i think that my My insides really were wrecked when I got really sick in 2012. And there are certain foods that are so painful for me to eat. And I mean painful. Like gluten and stuff? And certain fried, like sometimes when I have fried food.
Um, and, um, yeah, probably some gluten and, um, but, uh, I'll be on the straight and narrow for a long time and then I'll go out. Like I went to the. morning show wrap party and just... i'll go to things and i'll just be like i'm just gonna enjoy myself and i'm just gonna eat whatever and then sure enough you know i'm standing there and i turn to stephanie i'm like i am in so immediate pain oh man yeah yeah isn't that always the way it's like
when you feel your best, you're like, you feel invincible. So you're like, yeah, I can do this. And then I just see other people just like, yeah. And like, yeah. And my, weakness is like chips and salsa and chips and guac and all that stuff. And so I'm just looking around, everyone's eating it and I'm, and I'm going for it. But half, half the time it's so.
crazy i forget yeah i will completely forget that these foods cause me severe pain right and i'll i'll turn to stephanie and she's like i was watching you thinking this is here we go and i'm like i truly forgot i was just like in the moment just like mindlessly having these chips and then, and it's not immediate, like one second later, but it, you know, like. I'm hanging out. An hour later. As the night goes on, I'm like, oh gosh, the acid is burning a hole through me.
It's so hard as a partner, too, when you see your partner doing something. You don't want to be the naggy. You're like, they're a grown-up. Let them make their choices because you don't want to be like... Yeah, should you be eating that? No, I do appreciate it. When Stephanie leans over and is like, just remember, you know, I'll be like, because half the time I'm unconscious and I'm just not thinking about it.
And then other times I am aware and I will still just be like, whatever, I'm just going to do what everyone else is doing. And then... so yeah will she say occasionally hey just oh yeah definitely when we were at the morning show i there were we were at the we were standing at a bar and there were like two or three people between us when i started going at the chips. And so she said she saw me, but, you know, she just continued her conversation. I couldn't reach you. But yeah, those moments.
pop up for me where yeah, where I'm like, I know I'm gonna be in some pain. Yeah, I think I like a harm reduction model rather than a an abstinence model for a lot of things because I feel like it's for me it's the the shame spiral that really like like if someone's like if you have another cigarette i'm not gonna date you then i don't know then i'm gonna be hiding it i'm gonna feel yeah i remember being at a yeah like a dinner party with parvin
having a cigarette she hates smoking but she was so chill about it and i was like let's see that makes me yeah not want to smoke instead of wanting to rebel Yeah. I mean, mine's always like food based. Like, um, I will order whatever I want. And then afterwards it'd be like, why can't you make better choices? Right. And I know like, it's not the good choice, but I was like, don't care.
So I wish I were like a little bit more disciplined with myself in that way. But even like life things, like I'll kind of know that like, all right, you're like very tired today.
and you didn't get enough sleep so maybe don't call your mom today and then or like answer the phone and then she'll you know because moms know how to push the buttons oh right right so i know i'm it's probably not the best time to like talk and i answer anyway yeah i'm like why did i now we're fussing at each other why did i do that you know like i could have just texted me let me call you tomorrow yeah yeah but yeah we all just kind of
getting these habits and how are you guys with your phones like are you before bed playing best fiends i was really bad about it for a while where i was like just mindlessly scrolling yeah because i find when i'm like crazy busy and like my mind's racing and yeah my days have been like
packed to the minute for the last month and so when I would have that like end of the night I'm finally lay on the couch all I do is just mindlessly scroll because I don't want to think about anything but I'm like so not present for Jax and my home life that And I was doing it right before bed. So we've been trying the last like two weeks to go to bed a lot earlier. And I'm trying not to, when I go to my bed, not to be on my phone. Yeah. Be reading or something or. Yeah.
or making it boy is it hard because i just love looking at dumb shit yeah phones are what are you looking at when you say you're scrolling are you looking at your friend's pages Oh, oh, I see. Oh, your TikTok, yeah. Instagram. TikTok is weirdly addicting. And I was like late to the TikTok game and kind of was like, what is this? And then in the last year, I started being more active on it and it.
does have this way of sucking you in where you just scroll up and it's video after video after video but the algorithm is so sophisticated that it knows like it just starts taking you you watch one thing it's like oh we're gonna give you eight more of the of these kinds of things i know exactly what you want yeah yeah and so what is it that you're liking that you're watching
Is it like comedic stuff? It's the craziest stuff I would never think to want to watch or be interested in, but suddenly I'm watching people eat a triple dipper from Chili's. And half of TikTok has people eating food and it's all over their face. Oh my God. I should start a TikTok account where I eat food and then I'm in pain. Yes. People with plant-based food. It's hugely popular on TikTok. It just reminded me that I went to Denny's for the first time in my life.
What do you think? Were you in pain? Yeah, I was in a huge amount of pain after, but I had a... I call that a Denny's gasket. You blew a Denny's gasket. I truly did. It moves over my hammy. Oh, man, it was great, though. I Googled it. It started in 1953. Denny's in California.
Sometimes you just want breakfast for dinner. Oh, yeah. That's the kind of place that you would get that at. I think I would probably go to IHOP over Denny's. Wait, no, because I've been to IHOP and hated it. Oh, you hated it? I'm shocked, Fortune. So you like Denny's better. The atmosphere is... way better truth be told i haven't been to a denny's in maybe 20 years okay because i have no idea when i was last in a denny's the last time i was in an ihop was i think the last time i saw my father
before he was dying. Like he had come to the city and surprised me where I was doing standup. And I remember I got up stage and I was walking. to the green room and I saw this guy leaning up against the wall and I was like, God, it looks like my father. Oh my God. Boom. It was. And wow. Yeah. And then the next morning he had gotten a hotel.
And he took me to IHOP in the morning. That is so sweet. When you actually break that down and you think about the stages of planning and the decision that he made to surprise you. And that's very sweet. I like that. Yeah, my dad would.
never do that. Well, there's a lot my father did not do in decades that I didn't see him. So this is the least he could do. I remember it was so embarrassing because I was sitting with i was doing a club this was so long ago i was doing like it was like christmas you know when they have christmas parties at clubs yeah and so
both shows early and late show were sold out and my father was like so impressed and I was like no no no I was like nobody they didn't buy tickets to see me this is like holiday parties right I could not convince him. He thought I was the biggest star in the world. And it was so embarrassing because somebody came up and interrupted us while we were sitting at a little table talking and asked me to sign my autograph.
on a glass they had bought at the bar at the club. Yeah. And I was, I was so embarrassed signing. Cause I was just telling him that I'm not a big deal. you know? And then now I'm being asked to sign my autograph. And it was also so odd to sign his last name in front of him. That's so weird. Yeah. Yeah. Because I wasn't, I was, you know, he just was kind of in and out of my life.
life and so it was so weird trying to explain i'm not a big deal and then signing an autograph with his last name on it yeah but as a parent you would love that i think yeah yeah yeah weirdly the only person who surprised me at a show like that is my godfather who I mentioned, who I had never seen out of the context of this tiny rural Greek village in Corfu. One night in London, I look, it was so weird seeing him out of context and he's sort of...
Yeah. And he acted like, yeah, yeah, man. Yeah. I was like. what philip and he was like yeah you know somehow really you know i thought you know i'd come you know see you do you know comedy that's how he i just got off the boat yeah he just i got a fork sticking out of my chest yeah He could catch flies in his hand. He could roll a cigarette with one hand. He was very fucking cool. Dang. That is cool. My father carried a pistol in his cowboy boot. Are you serious? I am very serious. Into...
Like knives. He'd have a knife in his cowboy boot. A dude with a random knife. Yeah. He was on their belt or something as well. He also had like a chest holster. Jesus. Yeah. And was he... Were they loaded? I don't know. I mean, my father was a real interesting character. How old were you when they split? I was six months old. Oh, okay. So you never... No, he would just pop up and pop out. He sounded like Crocodile Dundee of Mississippi. Well, he claimed to be part of the Mississippi Mafia.
Wait, you know, honestly, he probably was. Yeah. I didn't know there was a Mississippi Mafia, but he was Italian, right? Yeah. um italians love mafias yeah there's there's the dixie mafia the mississippi mafia like i Anyway, we sat at IHOP and he told me about his days there. Oh, really? Yeah. Hilarious. Was that the last time you saw him? When he was, yeah, healthy and... Then I went, like, right before he died, I saw him. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, he was...
He was in the Mississippi Mafia. Interesting character. And I went to IHOP with him. Anyway, that was the last time I was at IHOP. And my father was like, this is my treat. And I was like, oh. Even though you're so fancy, sign autographs over there. Well, should we hear Eggo's answer? I forget what the question was, but oh yeah, yeah. What are you doing? Doing things that are maybe not good for you. Guilty as charged. My answer is that...
I, notorious for having stomach aches and a sensitive stomach, yesterday decided I wanted to make my stomach hurt more than it already did when I woke up. Stomach kind of hurt in the morning and I decided... quite arbitrarily, quite destructively that I wanted to have a sandwich. I'm rarely ever craving a sandwich. That's a whole other story and another topic for another day. But I decided to go get a sandwich from a sandwich spot in the West Village.
It was called the Capone. It had Soprasada on it. Salami. Yeah. Another pork item. i don't know if that's not necessarily the problem here maybe um but then i had it had provolone and mozzarella i'd asked for no alterations to this sandwich yeah provolone and mozzarella i'm kind of lactose intolerant in fact i am lactose intolerant and i'm in
denial about it and i know that it makes my stomach hurt when i have a lot of dairy so i had not only one type of cheese i had two types of cheese and i saw the guy slicing the cheese and i saw him put extra on it and i wasn't like oh no that's enough i was kind of like let's let's Be destructive. And then I got it on Shabbat. I had all kinds of bread options. Didn't even ask for a gluten.
gluten-free bread, even though I have a gluten sensitivity, which is really tragic to me. Didn't even ask for that. I was like, I want ciabatta. Thank you very much. And of course, today my stomach hurts more than it did yesterday. But I can't be mad at anyone because I did it to myself. But can you please share your tales of something similar so that I don't feel so alone in my self-destructive ways? Okay, bye-bye, handsome. A man, right?
on the nose. Me and you, kid. Dairy messes up a lot of people. Mine wasn't dairy, but yeah. Dairy and gluten can really tear up some stomachs and some buttholes. Yeah. And lives in general. It'll just destroy people's lives. Is that new though? Like how? like that sucks i think it's the stuff that's the stuff that's in it yeah it's just like because a lot of people that have like dairy or gluten stuff here can go to italy and be totally fine yeah yeah
Eating people that can't eat the bread here, just like wolf it down over there. I just break out if I eat a lot of dairy and gluten. Yeah. Well, I'd love to see that. I just pushed through. Well, that sandwich did sound good, though. It did. little dopamine rush when you take the first bite maybe it's worth it and i'm actually not too far from the west village right now Oh, somebody might be getting some stomach aches. Hello. Hello. Well, that was a fun episode. It was.
Fun question and something I think a lot of people can relate to. Yes. Well, you guys know what today is, right? Is it your birthday? No. Although it's close to my half birthday. Do we do half birthdays on this pod? Why not? Tomorrow, my half birthday. Happy birthday to me. It's New Year's Eve, guys. Oh, my Lord. So I know everybody's going to get wild tonight. That really matches our question today about like resolutions. People are going to be making some bad choices.
We hope you make good choices. Be safe. Be very safe. I'm definitely over getting wasted on New Year's Eve because starting the year hungover, it's so bleak. Oh, my God. Starting any day hungover. Jackson and I are going to be making vision boards probably tomorrow or the next day. That's our... a beginning of the year um routine i like a vision board that's yeah we get we have a stack of magazines that we collect for last month and we both have a
piece of big white paper. We individually cut out our things and then we tape it and then we tell each other what our hopes are for the next year. That's awesome. Yeah. It's our one hippy-dippy thing we do. That's really good. Jax is not a share of feelings. Yeah, and she's sort of anti-crystal healing. Yeah, she's not into the woo-woo. She doesn't like to hug.
But a vision board. But a vision board, baby. Love it. At the end of the year, we do look at the old ones and go, oh, interesting. That's cool. It's our time to shine. Love that. Well, I hope you guys have a lovely New Year's Eve. I hope that for both of you as well. I usually get dim sum and I get a little fortune cookie. I like that. So I'll let you know what it says. Please do. I hate when it's a joke fortune.
you'll have a good food in the meal you're having currently. Well, that's a bad example, but you know what I mean. I know what you mean. Some of them. say like an actual fortune and some are just like it's blue is a great color yeah but Guys, if you want to see maybe Ginger in Nashville on April 6th, we'll be doing a live handsome show. And then in Austin on April 12th. Oh, yeah. Can't wait. Never been to those cities.
Oh, man. These tickets are going fast. Yeah, let's sell them out. Yeah. And then as always, you know, feel free to get my album. Hello again. It's audio version of my latest special. My special Crushing It is streaming on Netflix. Please watch it. If you haven't, tell your friends. And I'm on tour. I'm in a bunch of clubs.
the next couple months around California, and then a big theater tour starting April 1st where I'm coming to a bunch of cities. So go to fortunefuture.com to see where I'm coming. And if this episode has got you thinking about addictive tendencies, you could watch Feel Good on Netflix. It's a comedy drama that I made about addictive behaviors, kind of. So if you're hungover, just put that on.
Have a great New Year's Eve. And thank you for all the support this year for the pod. We're heading into next year feeling energized, full of vigor, pumped to do more cool stuff with you too. Yeah, what an awesome year it's been doing handsome with you guys. Really great. And until next time, guys, I mean, shall we? Keep it handsome.
Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com. And please follow us on social media at handsomepod. That was a hate gun podcast. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first.
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