Cyndi Lauper asks about cookbooks

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Savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. All state fire and casualty insurance company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Cheers. Welcome to the handsome pod. It's Fortune Themster. And I'm May. And I am your very dear friend, Tig Notaro, also a host on this wonderful podcast called Handsome.

It's amazing that we haven't got more slick at those starts. How many years now? Every time I panic. Ten years now. Yeah, 10 years. We're celebrating 10 years. Fortune has been keeping good track of time. I know every episode we've ever done. 10 years in order. Yeah, you could list them in order. Oh, yeah. Oh, that would be great. Let's not do it right now. I don't want to bore everybody with history.

guys how are you guys we're together again i'm doing all right i'm i'm very um my eyesight's terrible and i'm looking at myself on the screen My hair is a little wild. I just got back from taking Max and Finn to the park. And I had fantasies of showering before. And that just was not in the cards. What a fantasy.

Yeah, it was a real fantasy. We didn't get out of the park in time. It looks good. It looks thick and solid and healthy. It's thick. I'm getting a haircut this week. It is so thick. It's so long. Yeah. So that's my boring story. Anybody? I just got back from tour. So I feel pretty wrecked. But I feel also so invigorated from the handsome listeners.

that I feel like I don't even really know where to start. I have so much to tell you both. Just jump in. Tell us everything, even if none of it makes sense. Just jump in. Because it's all kind of scrambled in my brain. Like I was I was doing like a real it felt like. I'm picturing one of those like cartoon dust balls with legs and arms. In my head? Yeah. Well, no, that's like what I pictured when you said it was crazy. So go ahead. Let's hear about it. It was like.

I got the immersive experience of like being a touring musician. Like I was in a dirty van with two boys, like, and I don't drive. So I was just sort of stretched out on the. Wait, you never got your license? No. Don't you think that would have been the biggest news? May's been putting this off since we started this podcast 10 years ago. My memory comes and goes. And so I thought maybe...

Maybe you got it? No. Okay. I'm writing my learner's permit test on Thursday because it expired. So I'm on it. And then I'll be back in the lessons. Yeah, it sounds like it. But also, I would not be brave enough to drive this huge van. It's kind of falling apart. These guys have been in a touring band for like 15 years. So they're kind of pros. Jason and Wes, who I tour with. But man, guys, these audiences of handsome fans.

First of all, they know me intimately. Like I forget the stuff that we say on this podcast. Like after shows, people are like, I mean, the amount of love for your mom fortune or like your documentary tag and people just being like, they know us so well.

yeah which blows my mind like they've been following all of our life events for years they're bringing us weird gifts they're bringing how well really weird let's be like really pretty strange like like what like what did you get a horse costume did you wish that fits for that we can shove thomas in as well what are we talking weird well i'm gonna bring them all in tomorrow

to go through with you I think but okay it really did make me think about like what am I putting out there you know because I was getting like a small vial of Antique marbles, a small rubber hand with rolled up scrolls that had like puzzles written on them and interesting facts or like a lot of crystals. A lot of people are like, can you put this by the cat statue in your home? on the altar i'm like yeah like they they know me like they they know what i like

But, okay, so I've distilled that. Well, because I will say real quick, I'm also on tour and I'm not getting those kind of things. Really? Well, I got a bunch of stuff for you guys. You're not getting tiny scrolls? No, just people wearing a lot of our merch.

Yeah, a lot of good merch. Yeah, I would have pegged you, Fortune, for a real tiny scroll kind of gal. I mean, I'm getting like poems and... riddles and strange things but i've distilled of the like fan interactions or listener interactions i've distilled them down to just a handful that i have to tell you guys and we i can drip feed them but like the one that really blew my mind was

So people did like a meet and greet after. And so this person, this tall woman comes and she's. really nervous I can tell because she's got something really important to say and she just holds out her hand she can barely speak with anticipation and in her hand is this rolled up piece of paper and I look at it and I see my own handwriting Guys, it's the note from the Silver Lake Hotel behind the painting. Yes. No. Oh, my God. I collapsed. How did you keep this from us?

Did you keep this from us? I'm so glad that you're having this reaction because I honestly fell to the ground. Oh my gosh. Did she rent the room or just go? I left something in there and I have to go in there. This is the best part. So she's been listening to the pod. She lives at either it was Portland or Vancouver. What if she hadn't been listening to the pod and she found that note behind? What was it behind? A painting. And so apparently.

So she usually she stays at that hotel a lot. And then she was there and listened to the pod. And apparently I said the wrong room number at first and then self-corrected. So she booked the wrong room. Oh, no. And then she. looked in the behind the paintings it's not there so she re-listens and like later i corrected thank god her friend goes and knocks on the door

The stranger opens the door and she goes, hi, there's this podcast and this is going to sound crazy. Okay, I'd slam the door and call the police immediately. You're about to rob me. There's no way you're coming in this room. Yeah, she goes, I just need to get behind that painting real quick. Just, I won't be long. And then that person's like, you're the 12th person that has come knocking at my door about this painting. Yeah.

But we really had a moment. And yeah, I was just as excited as her. And it made me think, I got to do things like this more often because the treasure hunt-y joy of someone finding it. I really did not think that was going to happen. I thought it was gone in the wind. Can we give me a little bit of credit that I told you to do it? Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. I just need a little bit of credit here. But also, what was this person like? Please.

describe i mean honestly like everyone i met just very kind and um people were really making friends with each other in the crowd and um yeah she was with her friend and she she was to be honest i don't remember it I was so blindsided by this reveal that I don't remember like her job or anything, but she was really funny. Like people were funny. Like this person gave me their phone number, um, laminated and they, and they go.

I laminated it in case you fall in a pool and it said on the back, like phone number for new friendship or something. And I really got like a friend vibe from this person. They made me laugh real hard during the meet and greet. And I was like, I should just text this person. Wow. And did you? Connections. I didn't. I feel like if I start going down that route. Wait, and where were you? So I was in San Francisco.

drove 10 hours to Portland, which I'd never, I'd never really done that. We pulled over and like swam in a stream. It was really nice. And then, so then I was in Portland. I'd never been to Portland.

Oh, isn't it fun? Oh man, it's cool. And I went to like the house where Elliot Smith wrote Roman Candle and like I did the touristy Elliot Smith things. And I wore a tank top on stage that was like... It doesn't sound like a big deal, but it was a big deal to me. I bet it was a massive deal for your audience. But you don't normally, you're not normally in tank tops? I have never.

worn a tank top on stage in 25 years of performing and also i have never worn a sweater on stage to do stand-up because i feel like i got to show my arms to be vulnerable so it's a big thing in my brain but I loved it okay and so now is it like try to stop you from wearing a tank top is it that kind of yes yeah it changed my whole personality like I was tell us

Okay, like, I don't know how to dance, right? With stand-up, I'm totally stationary. Playing the guitar, I'm totally stationary. But something about I put the tank top on, I'm suddenly... I'm grooving. I'm grinding. Yeah. I'm like moving around. I don't know. I mean, I'm sorry. Are you saying you started moving and grooving?

Yeah, I started moving, grooving, shaking my thing. Oh, I love this. Yeah. Shake it, don't break it. I think there's going to have to be more tank tops in your future. I think so too. I have two more. I don't want to monopolize the time, but I have two more things I have to tell you.

Please. Monopolize. Okay, because I've been saving them up. Okay. Again, meet and greet. This person had... made sure they were the last person in the line so that's always interesting because you're like okay they want to have maybe a longer interaction or like so i see this couple they're at the end of the line and um I, it's, uh, yeah, I hugged the guy. I hugged, I hugged this woman and she pulled her hand up. I'm in my tank top. Yeah. And I shake her hand and I hear.

Oh. Yeah. I go, what? I look down. I pull my hand away. It is covered in... thick white paste. No. Yeah. So I'm horrified. I'm like, my mouth is agape. I'm aghast. Why are you telling us this? Wait, what do you mean? Because you know you're going to hate it? Well, I already do. But go on. So I go...

what is happening? Is this mayonnaise? And she says, no, it's lotion. And she's kind of weirded out that I'm weirded out. She goes, it's hand lotion. And I'm like, what? And she goes, you said on the podcast, Thomas is nodding.

I have no memory of this. You do? Oh my gosh. Doesn't sound familiar. My grandmother used to bum rush me with lotion. Bum rush? Like, just out of nowhere, she would like... slyly put lotion on my hands didn't you also bum rush your bum with a suppository she did do that too But my hands were dry as a kid, and I didn't like to put on lotion, so she would grab my hand without me knowing lotion was in it.

and then rub it in lather up my hands so i was like did i talk about this but i guess you said something and did you tell your grandmother you need to hydrate from the inside you know i didn't know that at the time Well, I was like, what is happening? And she was massaging it into my hands. I was a little alarmed. Whoa. Yeah. What did you say on the pod? I wouldn't have handled this well.

No, you could not do this to you. Someone could not do this to you, Tig. No, no, no, ma'am. No, ma'am. Well, she said that I said it would be so funny if someone pranked me with hand lotion. And then her boyfriend goes, that's not what you said. You said that you could wear lotion on your hand and shake a fan's hand. But it feels like I invited, basically. Yeah, you did. Yeah, so I couldn't be... enraged, I was definitely taken aback.

But they were very charming, I guess. But then what I didn't tell her, I didn't have the heart to tell her because I didn't want to ruin it. But that she's knowing now. That she definitely is hearing now. She will hear it now, but the hand lotion was coconut. oh no and you're allergic i'm allergic and so my hand they they get all sort of red swell up it's like take your hands please tell me you got big old mickey mouse hands trying to play the guitar yeah anyway so that was a weird one

Wow. I liked her spirit in that like... she was just like may she's like this is gonna be hilarious yeah and may ask for this and what a what a treat i mean it did leave an impression you'll never forget that i will never forget it i'm checking every hand before i shake it now yeah from now on That would be jarring to grab someone's hand and it be wet.

Well, you just don't expect to hear a squelch. Well, you know, isn't this the beauty of we're all different people. We're all different hosts that would react differently. And there's all different. sorts of people at the meet and greet and that's why i did a meet and greet uh in eureka springs arkansas a couple of nights ago

And it was like the one rule was no touching. And so everyone just stands their hands behind their back, smiling, and then we move it along. They can't like put their arm around you or anything? Just no touching. I literally hug everybody that comes through my meet and greet. And that's why we're all different. I know. We are all different.

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to get 60% off your first box. And you know, what's interesting to you is like, because I'm hugging everyone. And but then there were a couple of people who I went to hug them and they were like, no, thanks. Like, and I forget that, like, people have, you know, COVID masks on and they're like.

you know, the climate's a little different with those things and people have their different levels. So yeah, I should send those people to you. You can kind of tell when someone doesn't want to hug, they keep their hands to their side and they're not going in.

had moments where when i've taken pictures there have been like some weird little touches here there where i'm like i don't want that like what kind of what but what do you mean by weird touches just their hand lands in a weird spot and i'm like i mean maybe a little above it a little too close to it you know just something where i'm like i i just i'm like let's take a picture yeah yeah yeah

Or it's continuing to move the hand. I don't know. I just, not always. I just, there have been enough to wear. I don't do a lot of meet and greets, but I did one. And like I said, in Eureka Springs, everybody was wonderful. They kept the line moving. Totally wonderful people. Unbelievable amount of handsome.

um listeners and yeah we just didn't really touch but we snuggled in and smiled big and moved it along there you go said nice things to each other yeah man that's that's so nice and i will say like with everything going on in LA with ice and then just globally as well. And I felt, I feel like we're all collectively just like horrified and in shock with the level of like.

dehumanization everywhere so to gather in groups feels really special and especially like music is so emotional and people it felt really nice and that there's this real handsome community of people who are like really connecting with each other and i just was like oh we're so lucky to do this yeah and you know if lotion or no lotion it was weird though

There was one more thing. Can I say one more? Let's hear it, bud. That's what we're here for. Okay, I'll keep it brief. And then, yeah. I love the enthusiasm. Thomas Clock May. May said they were going to keep it brief. Yeah, put me on a timer. Yeah. Okay. I, uh, yeah, I am. But can you tell I'm like energized? I love it. Yeah, that's great. I am. You seem like you're in love. I'll be honest. Oh, I'm in love with the world again. The life.

I'm in love with life. That's great. Good. We want that for you. Okay, so this woman comes up with her friend and the friend's in a COVID mask. And so she says to me, I wasn't going to come tonight because I'm not aware of your work. But then something happened that made me need to come. And so I'm obviously I'm in, I'm hooked. So I'm like, what happened? And she says, I had a past life regression. And the psychic past life person told me, and she says this with.

total certainty and conviction. She said, in the 1600s, I ran a brothel. I was the owner of a brothel. You were this lady? This person was. Yeah. And she says, an infant was left at the doorstep, an orphan. And that infant was Brett Goldstein. And she says, I raised him for seven years.

He ended up going off to fight in the war, but she's like, I loved him and I raised him. And I'm like, wow. I said, were you a fan of Bratz before this? And she's like, no, like she's as freaked out as me. She goes. I knew him like I'd seen Ted Lasso, but I didn't have strong feelings about him. Yeah. Then I had this hypnosis and this came up and like, I need you to tell him. And so I was like, is she straight?

She seems... Because this feels a little roundabout. Can you hook me up with Brett? And I've come up with an elaborate... It's either... It's a wild story. Can you get him my home address and phone number and a picture of me? But what if it's the psychic who's trying to get to Brett by telling everyone that in past lives this. Wouldn't you be bummed out if you went to a psychic trying to like learn some stuff about you and they're like, no, no, no. Let's talk about Brett Goldstein.

They're like, you know that actor from Ted Lasso? You raised him. Anyway, so but I obviously called Brett right after. Yeah, obviously. I was like, I got news. I got big news. And he was like, what? Are you pregnant? Are you pregnant? That would not be my first question. That would not be my first question either. My God. Please let Mae Martin be pregnant. I would love to see you on your rock and roll tour in your tank top. Just pregnant as the day is long.

That is what I'm going to say anytime somebody says I have big news for you. Are you pregnant? Is Mae Martin pregnant? Not are you pregnant, is Mae Martin pregnant? We knew it was coming. Yeah, but I told him, I said, so, you know, this woman raised you in a brothel in the 1600s. And he truly was like, this checks out. He was like, there's something, something rings true about this. So if that person's listening. It went to war apparently.

yeah napoleonic wars i guess dang okay anyway so that was the that was the tour i mean and you're just like hey whatever it takes to sell a ticket what do you mean She said she wasn't going to come. Oh yeah. But then had to tell you this. Fine. Thanks for buying the ticket. I really thought she was going to say that.

She and I, in a past life, were connected. Well, it felt like that's the road it should go down. I couldn't miss your show because I had to tell you this thing about you, but everything goes back to Brett Goldstein. To Brett Goldstein.

hey to brett goldstein and not just to brett goldstein i have some uh some news i'd like to share and it's not no it's may you're not pregnant but uh birthday to you to me yes happy birthday happy birthday dear Fortunary. Happy birthday to you. god that's fun wow that was so slow jeez well i think i'm now you're a year older i think i've turned another year Okay. Oh, thanks guys. It's my birthday. It sure is. How old are you? 45? 45. I know I don't look a day over 41. You are looking.

It's these creams I'm putting on my face. Oh, is that JLo creams? It's my JLo beauty cream. Yeah, it's my birthday. I can't believe it. Another one. What are you going to do? I have no plans whatsoever. What? Yeah, I'll figure something out.

I mean, Tig. I mean, to the audience knows, we're taping this a few days before, so this is not... my birthday and i'm alone so don't worry yeah you're just saying you haven't planned anything two weeks in advance because i was just thinking our audience is going to be deeply bummed with everything that's been going on in your life to think that you have

Absolutely no plans on your birthday. Yes, this is a weird year for me. It is. Weird is a light way of putting it. That's true, that's true. And how are you doing? I'm okay. I'm, you know, it's, it's a, we haven't talked about it on the pod, but Jax and I are getting a divorce. So. This is my first birthday in 10 years as a non-married person or whatever it is. Yeah, it's different. I mean, but I'm okay.

it's um i mean we haven't talked about it at all but i guess yeah i don't i'm not gonna talk about anything about what happened other than like it just unfortunately these things happened and more commonly than not yeah we love each other a lot and it's amicable and we had 10 awesome years and and many good times and there's a lot of love there and um sometimes these things just don't go the distance and unfortunately it didn't and um

yeah i've it's not it's we've been separated for a bit but it wasn't something i could you know really talk about yet and this and then the stuff that happened first and then this my mom got cancer uh It was a pretty big doozy of a time because those happened around the same times. But the stuff with Jax was first, so it didn't.

The stuff with my mom was independent of that. I feel like these things are never linear in terms of your feelings about it, but we're with you. I'm sure it'll be a process of feeling. Feeling super positive and proactive about like change. And then also there's grief, of course. Yeah. And our lives were so intertwined for so long. And I've obviously talked about Jax a lot and stand up and life and, you know, just.

um so it's a bit of a change to like suddenly not be talking about us and not be talking about any of it but it just wasn't the time to delve into it we were figuring things out for a long time and

Yeah, so it's so it's going into 45 is interesting with a divorce and my mom's sick. And the one thing I think it is doing for me is just like. uh just making me realize life is short and I just want to like be happy and and not sweat things too much and just live life and like my goal for This time is to find the light. That's where I'm at right now. It's just where's the positive? Where's the light?

Yeah. The first half of this year was rough, but. Well, yeah, I was going to say when all of this started to kind of shake loose and. shift in your life which of course it's been a beat now several months and the roller coaster that you have been on and where you're landing right now even though it's not completely solid ground. It's a whole new foundation that I think is going to be a really sturdy. place to build from and to embrace whatever it is coming and the light that you're welcoming.

But yeah, I just, I'm very impressed by you. Me too. And how you have. Stayed generous and warm with people and like just. kept your yeah and I feel like whenever I mean Tig you're no stranger to this and well me too like when when everything is stripped away like that it's it's um Maybe you have to be a bit further through it, but it's reassuring to know that you do have yourself. What am I trying to say? Like, like you're not empty and bereft. There is a, you have.

You have to rely on yourself and you have to show up for yourself and take care of yourself. And there's something really affirming about doing that kind of and being like, oh, I can do that for myself. And I value my, my.

self in that way you know what i mean yeah for sure yeah yeah this is not how i thought life would unfold i mean but that's life and um you know i enjoyed being in a relationship and a committed relationship I liked being married I liked the peace that came with that and so it wasn't um you know where I expected things to go but um I don't know. I'm kind of focusing on the, like, victory of 10 years. Like, dude, you know, that was a really successful relationship.

And not focusing as much on the ending of it. Because at first, it felt like a failure. And then I just had to kind of shift my perspective in that, no, it was... That was very successful. What we both needed at that time in our lives. And it worked for a really long time. And that is awesome. And that's where I'm going to.

keep those memories of that relationship and of her. And yeah, it's just a tough time to sort of enter into this new phase, but I'm actually feeling very positive about things. a new chapter. I am. I can feel it in you. I mean, it's so palpable. In fact, I would like to declare July 1st, 2025 as Fortune Marie Feimster's rebirth day. Yes. Rebirth day. Okay. Yes. That's right. And I feel that. I feel, I feel very, despite the things I feel.

positivity. I feel goodness going into a new chapter. I'm not dwelling on the negative. I'm going to, you know, live life and work and have fun and connect with friends. Focus on my mom and just, yeah, I don't want to sit in the ick. I sat in that for a long time. Dealing with everything and I'm coming into a new era with it all and just feeling very good.

Yeah, you deserve to enjoy and celebrate the life that you've made every day. Yeah, there's a lot of positive things that have come of it, too. My friends have been amazing and people have shown up for me in these incredible ways. And so many people have reached out both about the divorce and about my mom. And, you know, it just makes you feel like.

God, I must be doing something right to have people care like this. So it reaffirms, you know, even though one thing's ending, it shows you, you know, these other. valuable people in your life and connections and that I'm really grateful for. Yeah. So yeah, it's weird to have another podcast where I'm like, is this big thing too? I know. I feel like people have been picking up on it and it's nice that you're sharing it. And I think everybody's just desperate.

to show you the love yeah i think people for months have been like you seem sad and i'm like i'm fine yeah yeah it's it's yeah you just kind of have to bite your lip and the people around you have to bite their lip and just

You talk about it when and if you want. Yeah, and I want to respect Jax's privacy. Totally. She's not a public figure in this way and doesn't want her. you know, business out there. And I get that. And she's had to be more public than she would want because of me. So I'm gonna, you know, honor that and not just share. you know, stuff that's just for us. Yeah. Yeah. That sounds, that makes sense. Yeah, for sure.

Thanks, guys. It's my birthday. It's your re-birthday. Is that why the song was so slow? Right. Yeah, we had to spread joy, but also kind of...

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But it's all good. I am genuinely feeling good about where I'm headed. We're heading into hop. hot boy summer like it's beautiful weather oh my gosh fortune can you make some sort of picture of yourself or video or something me in a tank top just you in your hot boy summer? I don't think I

Me and a tank top does not quite look as good as me and a tank top. Excuse me, you've been showing off your gams and your guns. I saw a clip of you. I mean, seriously, Fortune. Yeah, you were showing off your guns on Instagram. Guns and gams. that's your next special listen treading water trying not to eat as much crap on the road i'm doing my best last tour i just got so out of control so well as long as you're doing what

Oh, dude, it's so hard, though. There was a day where I ate McDonald's twice in a day, in the van, because you're just like... traveling and there's not much around and yeah and what does that i haven't had mcdonald's you know in a beat and i was just wondering like does it feel

like it would destroy my insides yeah and because you eat dairy and meat and stuff does it like well does it just feel like you ate a meal and you move on are you like oh boy i had mcdonald's and for the record i'm not I'm not like... This is not, I'm not advocating for McDonald's in any way. I'm sure they're, I know they're the most problematic. But I do love an egg McMuffin. And I had, so I had like that for breakfast, which is actually pretty.

But then I had 20 chicken nuggets and that was what fucked me. Oh, 20. That's a lot of nuggets. But to be honest, the thing that really messed me up was one day I thought I'll have Subway sandwiches because that's healthier than McDonald's. I don't know, man. I don't think that's real. Oh, because it's all like processed stuff. My inside, it was a... Well, like McDonald's isn't processed. You know, those fresh nugs at McDonald's.

It's like just a chicken walked through the store. It's like a bunch of parts that are fried. But it's like you feel it. That's what I'm always curious because I would truly be on a gurney.

I do feel it, yeah. But wait, Fortune, because also a lot of people were commenting after the show, nice guns and Fortune's got the gams. Guns and gams. Let's do that calendar. and then my um drummer guns and gams that would be their name of our sexy calendar guns and gams oh my god we have to do it go ahead wait but what would be yours

Fortune. Guns, gams, and then Tig, what are you? I have guns and gams. Thank you. Thank you very much. I know about fortune. And Tig? Okay, I'll just... be the titless wonder guns games and the tits guns games and tits Guns, gams, and jugs. Oh, my God. So funny. I have a surprising amount of guns and gams, but I just don't, you know. flaunt them around on my rock and roll tour right i do love the word jugs We gotta get this calendar done. Time's a ticking. We really do. We really do.

What a treat. Let's get at it, all right? Let's get to our question asker. There's a legend here. Yeah, one of my favorite concerts I've ever been to. I've said it before, and I'll keep saying it till the day. I am no longer with us. Today's question asker is... An Emmy, Grammy and Tony winning singer who has sold over 50 million records. That is a lot of records and not as many as you have sold, May, but very close. She was the first.

female artist to have four top five hits on the Billboard Top 100. She was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame this year, Cyndi Lauper. is asking today's question. Oh man. Have you ever considered writing a cookbook? Cindy just gets right to the point. This is my question. Right to it. Oh, Cindy, most people usually say hi to us, but she doesn't have time. Can we acknowledge that Cindy Lauper just...

has one of the greatest speaking voices of all time like absolutely that accent and she's so charismatic and just yeah have you seen her live never yeah she's so good you've seen her live fortune yeah I mean, I mean. This woman, and I say it all the time, like if you see that she's going to be in concert, get front row center to watch her. I mean, she's just a powerhouse.

and she's like running all over the stage singing her face yeah she wrote uh she wrote kinky boots too the music on that that was a fun show yeah yes she's no joke yeah and i i feel like i'd be shocked by the number of hits that I forget that she has like if I saw her live I'd be like oh I know all these songs the fun part about seeing her live is everyone's like belting out the songs it's a greatest hits concert no doubt

Wow. So, yeah, how do you choose? I guess girls just want to have fun would be the final song of the night. That's my jam. Mine would be True Colors. I love Money Changes Everything. Do you know that song? Rock Lobster. That's such a good. Rock Lobster. What's the name of it? That's B-52s. Who's Rock Lobster? That's a song by the B-52s. Fortune's just like, oh, and start me up.

Does she sing about lobsters at all? I'm sure. She's been around for a beat. She's sold 50 million records. There's probably some sort of crustacean that she's mentioned or sung about. I do like the B-52s as well. Well, that's a whole other day. I love Shaq. That's a good song. Yes, Fortune, but those are Georgia folk. This is a New Yorker, all right? A New Yorker. New Yorker. And I need to say that Cyndi Lauper sung the Pee Wee.

the peewee's playhouse theme under a pseudonym of ellen shaw but she she and i think i've sung it on the pod before maybe i was thinking about she bop Time After Time, also a good one. Time After Time. Yes. And the sadness at the end. So far, I don't see any songs about lobsters. Time After Time. Okay, and she's asking us about... cookbooks. But I really want to emphasize how great money changes everything is. Okay, I'll put it on my list. Can you sing it? Have you not ever heard it may?

Because you sounded excited when I mentioned it. You're like, oh, money changes. Or were you just like, yeah, in general, money does change everything. They just agreed that they also like Rock Lobster. I know. I think when you said it, I was thinking of money, money, money, must be funny. Money in a rich man's world. ABBA, right? That's ABBA, yeah. Another great song.

Okay, but not Cindy Lauper's Money Changes Everything. Anyway, her question is, have you ever thought about writing a cookbook? Yes.

I feel like of the three of us, you. Yeah, you would be the first to actually do one. Yes, I have considered. In fact, I kind of went a little wide with my not wide, but like with Stephanie's family and our immediate. family because Stephanie's sister is a phenomenal. cook and she bakes. And then we've had to, you know, becoming vegan, we had to learn how to feed ourselves and started digging into cookbooks in a way that I hadn't in my life before.

As soon as my our diets changed. And so, yeah, it definitely interests me. If you were to make a cookbook, would it be funny as well? Like, would you write a little? Oh, deadly serious. Cooking is serious. I'm sure there would be some humor. Yeah. Yeah. But I would... I did this. I don't know if I talked about it, but I did the climate summit in Los Angeles. Yes. Hollywood climate summit. And what I was talking about was, you know, if you do.

make a switch to eating plant-based, it's really important to have the thing that's making you make the shift. So you like anything else, so you don't lose your North Star. And that's why, like, with my health, I don't ever lose that. Because when people are like, is it hard for you to be around these yummy things? And I'm like... No, like you eat what you want. I'm going to eat what I want. And here's my reason why I do what I do. And so in order to keep going towards my North Star.

I needed to make sure I knew how to sustain myself. And so those are the two things, big pieces of my advice is to have that reason, the purpose that you're eating the way you are. And the other is to make sure that you've done the research to know how to sustain yourself while you're making that transition, even if it's as basic as. A peanut butter and banana sandwich, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, I just, it does interest me for sure. I'd buy it.

I'd give you one. I'd give you a copy, little cowboy. Would you sign it? Yeah, and fortune, you too. I'd give you one. Thomas, you as well. You don't know how to make a peanut butter and banana sandwich? I just gave you the secret. Oh, that I do, and I do love peanut butter. I don't know that I need that in a cook. book but i yeah that is one thing i feel like we could just know how to do yeah but people forget that there are so many staples that are vegan i guess is my point yes

That's actually a good thing to remind people of because you think, oh, well, I don't love falafel or whatever. But, like, there are so many things. Even Oreos are vegan. Would you include your recipe for dyke dust? um no oh that's gonna always be a secret yeah yeah i mean look it's not that much of a secret if you look closely at it all right if you inspect it What I have moved on from is my steel cut oatmeal. Oh, really? I have moved on to a smoothie that incorporates so many high nutrients.

elements i might need that recipe from you i should start drinking smoothies okay this smoothie you can really if you have this go about your day knowing that you've gotten a lot of really good stuff into your diet and i've told you that fortune that if you you've asked me about it before and i i would gladly make it or show you how to do it but only if people are genuinely interested

yeah i'm genuinely interested i just don't put berries in smoothies oh i would have the seeds the blueberry blueberries i can do but not strawberries or any of those blueberries are perfect They're one of the best things you can eat as a human being on this planet. Because I need to start getting more nutrients in my body. Yeah, me too, me too. But isn't it crazy that I have such vivid memories of my grandma who was an amazing cook.

having these old cookbooks like thick volumes that had all notes in the margins and like stuff stuck in and like now we just google things but those cookbooks were like They were so important to my grandma. They're sacred, yeah. We have some of my grandma's cookbooks that she hand wrote in a bunch of them.

I, again, don't really know how to cook, so I don't have them, but someone in my family does, and I know it's a treasure. Yeah, that would be a good thing to have. Just the staples, to be able to whip up a white sauce for a thing or like a... Or a red sauce. I'm only thinking of colored sauce or green sauce. One of my favorite things.

that I still tease Stephanie about, and it's just become part of our life, is I was looking through one of the cookbooks that she had... made a note by one of the things that said It's okay if it jiggles. And to this day, no matter if it's a human body, if it's anything out in the world, or if it's...

It's a piece of food that's in the oven. Whatever it is, we love turning to each other and saying, and remember, it's okay if it jiggles or, you know, it's okay if it jiggles. Maybe that would be the name of my cookbook. because it's okay if it jiggles. Yeah, that would be funny. You should actually do this.

I would like to. I would like to. And because you did all that studying on nutrition and everything, too, you probably have all this information. Guys, my dad wrote a cookbook, you know, in his 20s called The Seducer's Cookbook.

I don't think I knew this. I think I've talked about it on the pod because it is really strange. He was in his 20s and it's a cookbook about how to... I don't know. Seduce people through food? Kind of. How to impress a date, basically. That's such a great idea. It's kind of tongue-in-cheek and ironic a little bit, but also flipping through it, some of these recipes are like sardines.

Like they're not date friendly recipes, but it is a really strange part of his history that he's written this. And is it published or is it just for the family? No, it's published. Okay. Oh, wow. Yeah, and it's... Well, what would your cookbook be? I would do, rather than a cookbook, it would be about the dinner party, like a cookbook for how to make a... immersive party experience like it would be the sure sure the recipe like a pie or something but then what games do you play around the pie

How do you incorporate? And it is okay if it jiggles. Of course it is. There's an escape room element to it. Yeah, you're hiding a clue in the pie and people are digging out the clue. Yeah. What about you, Fortune? Well, I wouldn't write a cookbook because everyone knows I can't cook. I have a few staples. What are your staples?

um that i do know how to cook yeah let's let's think about it well we don't want to rattle off a list of what you can't cook right yeah that's right i can cook i'm learning how to cook steaks okay um it's hard to figure that out on the grill like the temperature but i'm learning um i can make tacos breakfast tacos all right i can make salmon i can make uh

Pumpkin pancakes. Hey. Because it's Trader Joe's mix that's just super easy to follow. So you can open a bag. I can open a bag and add an egg and water and all this stuff to it. Good for you. Um, I can make rice. I can make... Rice is hard to make. Sweet potatoes, like a breakfast hash or burgers. That's a cookbook. Chicken dishes.

I am buying it. I mean, I can do, I can do some staples for sure. But if you told me to like make something fancy, I couldn't do that. But if I had to write a cookbook, cause someone's like, we're giving you a bunch of money. We need a cookbook. It would be something about finger foods. Ooh. I love apps. You love apps. Charcuterie. Yes. You can't have charcuterie without cooter. The word cooter.

Actually, that would be a good sort of title for your... book is charcuterie but c-o-o-t-e-r-s something with the word cooter for sure yeah but yeah it would be just all these apps and even if i don't cook them well i would just give you the recipe so you could cook them better than me I have a great idea for you. You got to make an app for apps. An app app. An app app. An app app. And it's an app. Yes. That has appetizer recipes. Look at that. Yes.

You're going to a potluck dinner. People say, can you bring an app? You go, actually, yeah. And you go right to it. You can do all. There's so many different kind of apps, but dips. I love dips. Dips. I love jalapeno poppers. Your voice dips when you talk about... crab ring goons yeah and pigs in the blanket oh all that stuff i love an app one time when i was home uh sleeping and i had like a bunch of

comedian roommates years ago um Henry Phillips called looking for me and Chris Fairbanks told him I was still asleep and he said Oh, yeah, it's a, what do you call that, a tig in a blanket? that's really good that's nice god that's good taking a blanket meanwhile i had no idea this hilarious joke was happening while i was

I was in a blanket still sleeping. That's a good one. I don't know why I've never thought of that. Yeah, I hadn't either. And just to hear Henry Phillips voice, just, yeah, what is that? A ticket, a blanket. The image of you rubbed. up in a little blanket is pretty adorable i mean i am so cute you are i am i'm so cute you're so cute we're all pretty cute we are all very cute We have a little something to offer everyone. We have such different guns and gams and faces and personalities.

Jugs and no jugs. Jugs and no jugs. That's why I'm the one over here selling bras. Slinging bras. Slinging bras to the public. In my spare time. slinging bras are are they flying off the shelves when you're flying off the shelf they're like if fortune's wearing those we're in that's why people come to the hands pod because there's a little something for everybody.

Oh my God. I was so lazy about buying bras forever. And I dated this woman years ago and she brought her mom's old bra over and I wore her mother's bra. It fell apart. because i just i'm somebody that will wear my underwear until as paula poundstone says until it turns into a dream catcher and i wore my ex-girlfriend's

I just I'm not a shopaholic. I'll be honest with you. I'm wearing I'm wearing a Nashville comedy festival that's I don't shop much but she she was like oh I think you and my mom have the same size uh jugs and um before mine were tossed into a dumpster committee yeah how dare you i assume they weren't big before they were not look you knew me when i had them i know No, they were not big, but they're okay if they jiggle.

But yeah, she was like, you need a new bra. And then she just brought over her mother's bra one day and she was like, here, just wear my mother's. She just grabbed one bra.

that's all i needed and i wore it for five years i think i'll sign it i hope you washed it we can all sign my girlfriend's mother's bra oh my god sell that on that's probably why i got breast cancer because i was wearing a dirty bra for years beige from the 1950s beige bra that's like two sides too big for you it's like from it's got asbestos in it because it's from the wires have disintegrated oh my god the wires can come out of the size.

this thing gave me breast cancer oh my god it did it started out in radiation white and then it just was like a sweaty tatter it's tattered beige anyway should we hear what cindy has it what may it's like if a charity got in touch with you and was like do you have something to auction and you were like yes i have my ex-girlfriend's mother's that I think gave me cancer. May cause cancer. Oh, God. Okay, let's hear what Cindy has to say. Yeah. You know, I have.

But it depends, in this one particular period of time in my life, I was a little pissed off, so I decided I was gonna write the Ajita cookbook. It's not a cookbook you want to serve to everybody, but, you know, it's like when you're really pissed off, you know. Pissed off. Things that shouldn't go together. you know, to give people you don't really like, but all kidding aside, I have written recipes down.

from my grandmother or somebody else's grandmother or their mother. And I was my mother's sous chef, so yes. I do know regular recipes, but I just think the Ajita cookbook could be, it could be big. It's funny. Come on. I like it. I like it. And I also thought she, when she answered, was just going to say yes.

Yes, I have. And then that would be the end. That was it. You know, when she was just talking, I was thinking, can you imagine if she ever, ever in her life tried to prank call someone? They would just be like, hey, Cindy. yeah you know even if you didn't even if you don't know her personally and she just randomly called you it'd be like oh my god cindy loppers on the phone yeah cindy loppers prank calling me

It's an incredible voice. And there's like a, the like musicality of it is just lends itself to comedic delivery. So well, like, I know she should be like, 24-7 booked as a voiceover actor. Maybe she is. I have no idea. A time in my life. It wasn't like that. Pissed off. Yeah, that was incredible. But she's right that there is something nice about...

intergenerational recipe transmission. Like that's really nice. And I should make, I should look for those cookbooks of my grandmother's. Intergenerational cookbooks that cause anxiety, stress, or. Aggravation. Yeah. Well, that was a real treat to have Cindy Lauper on the handsome pod. She's keeping it handsome. Is she not? She really is. Yeah.

She's a pretty little lady. Yeah. I want to know what you guys are, have coming up. And I will say so many people on the tour said, this is the trifecta. I've seen all three of you live. I want to say that is such a. quantifiable and tangible way to support like live comedy or performance and it's really so we can't do it without people showing up and it's so nice that people like travel and come to shows it's

Just like the best way to show support. So thank you. Absolutely. Gosh, people show us so much support. It's kind of embarrassing how much. Just like your ex-girlfriend's mother's bra. Well, I'm going to tell you right here and now where I'm going to be, where you can show me support with your exes. Mom's dirty old bra. June 21st, I'm going to be a dynasty typewriter. And I have been writing my face off with new materials. So come on down. August 17th, West Hampton.

Performing Arts Center in West Hampton Beach, New York. That is going to be a grand old time. And then August 23rd, I'll be in Provincetown, Massachusetts. So come on out. Go to tignotaro.com for ticket information, show information, and I'll see you there. July 20th, I'm in Edmonton out in Canada with Mateo Lane. And then still in Canada, July 26th, I'm doing a gala.

in montreal um then uh i'm doing it too oh yeah i'm doing your i'm doing your gala oh awesome amazing amazing yeah very cool And then starting in September, ton of dates, San Antonio, Houston, Norfolk, Virginia, and Richmond, Virginia, D.C., Portland, Maine, Boston. Burlington, Mobile, New Orleans, tons of stuff. Atlanta, Cincinnati, Chicago, Salt Lake City.

You can go to my website, fortunefamester.com, for tickets. I'm not doing a ton. I'm traveling a bunch, but I'm in Montreal just for laughs on July 25th doing a... Mae Martin and Friends comedy show and doing Fortune's gala. So see you in Montreal. Well, please, if you enjoyed a cackle or if you. Let it jiggle this episode. Please share this episode with a friend that you would like to join this handsome community. Subscribe to our podcast. And also we have a YouTube page.

And until next time, keep it handsome. Happy birthday, Fortune. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod.

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Recently, when I was having a moment of gratitude for my group chat, I thought, I wish everyone could have these geniuses at their fingertips like I do. Well, now you do. Hi, hi, it's Hope. Hey, babe, it's Jamie. Welcome to our podcast, Landlines, where we share our life sustaining and shame extinguishing friendship.

We have known each other and we've been friends for a very long time. Hope was my first best friend, but it wasn't mutual. I mean, I distinctly remember calling her on the phone and asking if she'd sit next to me on the bus. And she said, maybe. Maybe. At least you didn't say no. Maybe it's meaner. She wasn't sure. Maybe it's like discerning.

When I was pregnant, I started this group chat to prepare and crowdsource. And it's been such a delight to troubleshoot with our friend group. And we just had this thought, should we invite other people into our group chat? I'm a therapist. I'm a trained early childhood educator. And I'm, well, you know, whatever I am. I guess someone who has the vibe of having it all together.

And still the three of us find it hard to be moms, partners, friends, family members, professional women, and just, you know, adults. The stuff we're talking about, whatever the recent fight was with our partner or the... parenting concern we have or a funny thing with our kids or it's like, what's going on with my body? I feel like I have like a family of squirrels living in my kids.

lower abdomen like I feel affirmed I feel normalized I feel like I'm not going fucking crazy and I had to talk it out with you guys with different perspectives and different identities that you're juggling. Lifelong friendship has been our lifeline. We sincerely hope our conversation makes you feel less alone in whatever you're going through. So subscribe to Landlines on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes are out now on HeadGum. Love you!