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Cheers. Hello, it's your friend. Oh, and it's Fortune. It's me, Tig, but you go ahead. I was just saying, welcome to the Handsome Pond. Oh, well, thank you. Who are you? I'm Fortune. Hey, Fortune, it's me, Tig. And me. I'm May. May. Fortune. Hi, guys. Hi, guys. My hair's still wet. I did a little treading. Really? Yeah. Oh, my goodness. How's treading going? I don't know, you can tell me. Oh my lord, them guns. How long are you treading these days?
Um, today was a... like a 40 minute 40 minute 40 minute 40 minute 40 minute and uh been doing but i've been doing anywhere from 30 to an hour it's amazing thanks that's awesome I wonder if your life depended on how long you could go. Boat sank and there were sharks. Good question. Oh, I think about that all the time. Not about fortune, but about myself. I always think. I wonder if I've trained myself to just do an hour.
Yeah, exactly. And my body, because I really do, I clock myself to the minute, and then I just exit the pool. Yeah. But I do wonder if I was in the ocean, and of course that would be a much harder tread. Or would it be, maybe the salt would buoy up. Maybe. there's also you know if you're treading and you get a little tired You can just kind of float on your back for a little bit. Yeah. And just chill. And then get back to it.
What happened? What just happened? That was Biggie. What? Did he try to attack him? No, I mean, the older he gets, he keeps coughing up. A lot. Oh, it sounded like he was going... Does anything come out? No. Just love. Just love. He coughed up love. Of course Biggie coughed up love. He coughed up love, yes. Oh, look at him giving kisses. You remember Care Bears? Of course we remember Care Bears. We're human beings alive on the planet. What if the Care Bears, instead of shooting the...
stuff out of their tummies, they coughed it up. Oh, see, I don't know Care Bears enough to know things come out of their tummy. Yeah, like they shoot. Rainbows. love and rainbows out of their cute little tummies. I did not know that. I had a little turquoise Care Bear back in the day. Oh yeah, the turquoise one was good. Mm. And did the colors have anything to do with anything? All I remember is Lionheart.
Hmm. Yeah, I don't know what color he was. I think regular line color. Those were simpler times, right? Simpler fucking times, yeah. Than the ones we're living in now? Yeah. Yeah, I kind of... I got really sad today about cash. Like, I bet there'll be no more cash soon. And I love a coin. I love it. Soon? Yeah, I bet they're going to get rid of cash.
Oh, I think it might have a moment for a bit. Oh, you think it's going to have a moment? No, I mean, like, it'll continue on for a bit. Oh, yeah, maybe. you're just ready for end of times i'm ready yeah guys i just got back from uh dc
where I was all about it. I was just about to until you interrupted to tell me to tell you all about it. Girl, I want all the hot goss from D.C. Yeah, what's going on? I went to D.C. to lobby i have never done that before dig i know i was lobbying for the art and it was really interesting having to go into you know, Congress and the White House and speak with Republicans and try and convince them to not cut. that budget.
Oh my god. So yeah, that was interesting. Have you guys ever done anything like that? It was very intimidating. You should have topped in. like that would have really got through to them. They would have taken you very seriously. Yeah. I was in this one office I was out there with other actors and people. And one of... It was so funny because when you walk out of one office, they had two baskets of peanuts.
One basket had peanuts from Georgia and one had peanuts from Texas. And the girl behind the desk was you know she had some sort of southern accent and was encouraging us to take peanuts and you know try both if you want and so of course i love snacks And so I grabbed one Georgia, one Texas, and then we went into the next meeting, and I, and... And we're having our meeting. And I was having my peanuts in the meeting.
And do you know Alex Borstein? Yes, from MADtv. Yeah. Family Guy. Yeah, all of those things. She's so funny and cool. But when we left that meeting, she said my favorite part. of that particular meeting She said, I heard some rustling, and I looked over, and you had your hand in the peanut bag, and some peanuts fell on the floor. And I was like, look, I'm new here. I'm easing in. But yeah, it was definitely intimidating.
for sure, the first meeting that we had. Yeah. And I didn't speak up until the second meeting. And then I started to feel more confident. I think I'm going to, you know, I think I'm going to continue doing some lobbying in the future. That's amazing, yeah. Yeah, it was definitely, it's one of those moments where you go, you should do things to scare yourself. Yeah. That scared me. I bet. Even though I was lobbying for the art.
There's a wide spectrum of response from Republicans about the arts. You know, there are some that are just very much like, we're on board. We do not want this budget cut. And all the way to give us hard numbers of why we should not. cut this budget and explaining how you know the money doesn't go to LA and New York and Chicago places like that it goes to small towns to invest in these little theaters and if you kill that
You kill the joy. People don't go to the restaurants in the town. People aren't filling up their cars at the gas stations. And all different people and businesses are affected by it. I never thought about that. Yeah. You're successfully lobbying me. I was on the fence, and now I'm like... Yeah, we don't want the arts cut. No, no, there's so many things we don't want cut.
Seriously. And as we've talked on previous episodes, there's different ways that we've all been involved, whether it's benefits or donating our money and time in different ways. But this was a completely different. experience that I had in my life. Yeah, that's impressive. Tech Goes to Washington. Yeah, Tech Goes to Washington is a good little book. I'm buzzing because we had the Canadian election results. Yes. Thank the Lord. I know. Yeah, Mark Carney won and not the...
not the creepy, Trumpy guy. Yeah, it was it's always closer than you think though yeah well it wasn't looking good for canada for a while i hadn't been following it truth be told so i didn't know you didn't follow the canadian yeah no i mean it was looking Tricky. Really tricky. And then once Trump went into office. and all of this
The tariffs really, yeah, really helped. I think people see what could happen if we, yeah, yeah. But there's a nice vibe on the streets today. People are, morning, how you doing? Oh, that's great. You're in Canada. Here I am, yeah. What are you doing? I'm doing the edit for Wayward. Almost done. But yeah, I'm in one of those soul-sucking offices.
This overhead neon lighting and I feel like it's sucking my soul out of my body and when do you finish uh the show completely when are you uh free bird like mid-june i think is the final is the final one yeah it's gonna be good it's like four years of
of thinking about this one story. And you're liking what you see. I'm liking what I see, I think. That's great. Yeah, but I feel a little loopy, and I feel like a... I talked about this when I was in the writer's room, that I felt like a... like kind of a fraud like i'm a teenager like i find it very hard to sit still and focus i keep jumping up and doing push-ups or like running around the block and all these grown-ups around me are like really just gotta do some push-ups
I have a hard time concentrating too. I don't do push-ups because I can't. With those guns you can't? I mean, I haven't, truth be told, attempted it since. um starting my trad journey maybe i need to start I can't do the push-ups May does. I have to do my knees. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can do them against the wall. Oh, like standing push-ups against the wall. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe I'll start with that. Fortune, I have the title. for your spinoff podcast. It's called Truth Be Told.
I don't have time for another podcast. My heart is so handsome. Yeah, yeah. Truth be told is good. Yeah, but you do know you say that a lot. Truth be told. Truth be told. I didn't know that. Did you not? I really did not. Oh, my God. Have you noticed it, Mae? Truth be told. Now that he's saying it, all i'm gonna hear yeah i guess yeah yeah everyone drink every time i say it yeah that would be good oh guys also i was at a cancer benefit last night. Stop bragging! Guess what band performed?
Little Big Town. Yes, Little Big Town. I'm friends with them. I know. You came up at dinner. I did? Yeah, they were sitting right there at the end of the table with me.
i mean we weren't talking actually we weren't talking about you you specifically but i heard there was like in passing like oh yeah um fortune has a podcast and uh tigs you know that kind of thing um but No, they had heard about us being in Nashville and about Brad Paisley, and they had been texting with Kimberly Williams Paisley about the show, and that it was just a real highlight for them. Yeah. And so they were like, next time you're in Nashville or you have to book another Nashville gig.
And I said, are you telling me we can get Little Big Town on... I should have. Yeah, I didn't even think about it. I didn't even think about it. But yeah, they're so fun. They love comedy. I've known them for a while through my Chelsea Lately days. And then have seen them out on the road and their whole family, like everyone tours like a little village. It's just like a really, they're tight. There's not enough family bands anymore. I like that. A whole family on the road like that.
They got it on lock. It's a good time. They're great. And their harmonies are like unbelievable. Oh my gosh. The harmonies are chef's kiss. They're even... Their music on their tracks are amazing, but like in-person live is like next level. Little Big Town sounds like it would be Biggie's band. And guess what they sing? I know, the punk! What? That's my tongue! Yeah! They sing on the pontoon? Yeah! On the pontoon! in the open. Mmm. Motorboat.
okay it's all coming together i know i mentioned to them that that song has i said we have talked about you on our podcast yeah and um yeah so i mentioned that we'll have to get them to do a question For sure. In harmony, they could do a question. Ooh. That's real good. Anyway, I was with them last night and they were absolutely wonderful live and just the most charming, friendly people to sit and have dinner with. Would you like it if you received news via a musical?
delivery at your door like a barbershop quartet I'm like um what are those are those called something grams yeah music gram or something like if you open the door and it was like We're sorry to say you've been fired from the pod. What a way to get let go. We're sorry to say you've been fired from the pod. We hope you have a great day. Here's a little nod. I didn't know the song was going to keep going. Here's a little nod.
You think the nod would soften the blow and the harmonies are going to make it more infuriating? I'm going to say I wouldn't hate it if someone sent it. I would be like, oh, that was nice, but also this is weird. If you guys fired me via Musicgram, I would be like, oh they hate me like that is so like well yeah because it's so cold to be like you're not taking the time to actually be personal with somebody and say listen You're doing a terrible job and nobody likes you. We have to let you go.
yeah you're going look this is a lot for us we're thrilled about it And if you guys ever feel like I'm doing a terrible job and you want to let me go, you can just tell me that. You don't have to send anybody. I mean, I would be terribly bummed. Yeah, of course. I would appreciate a more direct conversation. We would say we voted and it's two against one. Oh, my God. That would be the ultimate two against one. Yeah, it really would.
I don't think that's how it works around here. How does it work? Nobody votes anyone out. That should have been in our initial talk. It just ends. We just disappear. Or it just never ends. We're in the grave. We all have beards. Yeah, long beards. Coughing up love.
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And I had some ice cream. Oh, yeah. No peanuts. But we had great seats because we... We're doing some charity stuff with the catcher, Will Smith, not the actor, but the catcher. And we got to go to the stadium. uh during the day and be on the field which was really cool because i've been in la for over 20 years never been on the field yeah went in the dugout i threw pitches to will on the in the um
The warm-up area? I can't remember what it's called. Bullpen. Are you good at throwing? Yeah, how's your arm? Surprisingly, it was pretty good because I grew up playing softball when I was third base. And it started coming back. I was like... Getting it down the... down the pipe to Will. Nice. Yeah. And so wait, who are they playing? They played the Marlins and barely won, but they won. And that's all that matters. I love watching the Dodgers.
you went to the world series game didn't you i did and i accidentally captured the big moment of the world series accidentally do you know this Was that like you were taking a selfie? Was it the Freddie Freeman? The Freddie Freeman walk-off? grand slam which i i am not a sports person i i know it's called that i don't know what that is but me neither i'll tell you
Stephanie said, you know, I feel like we should take Max and Finn to the World Series. And she said, and we should bring my dad because he's never been to a World Series. so the five of us go and i'm watching i'm having my you know vegan dodger dog and my uh peanuts and what have you and i just happen to decide to videotape. You know, on my phone, whatever it's called. Stephanie always makes fun of me when I say videotape. But this pitch to Freddie Freeman. And when Freddie hits the ball.
everybody went insane went insane including my family and I was so confused because I had been there all day and people have been hitting balls and I didn't know this seemed so over the top that it was one of the biggest moments in world history yes and i i caught it beautifully on my phone and i turned and filmed my family screaming And I truly was like, what?
what am i capturing yeah because even if they won it felt because we've been to baseball games this didn't feel like that and um so yeah i caught that and um you know speaking of the marlins and if thomas can fact check Finn, yesterday when we picked up Max and Finn from school, Finn had a May fact. He was asking everybody, what is the one team that has never gone to a World Series? Was it the Marlins? I believe it was the Marlins. Thomas, can you?
check and if it's not right then I'm in the wrong and I'm saying the wrong team Right. The Seattle Mariners. Mariners. That's what it is. It was similar enough. But I know it was an M word. So yeah, the Mariners have never been to a World Series. And we had to guess the entire way.
from their school home you would not tell us you're like okay we give up you just keep naming cities yes that makes me want to support the mariners like we should all get behind them, you know, Ted Lasso style, turn them into a winning team. Yeah. I think that's a good idea. The Martin Mariners? Yes, please. Y'all never played softball, either of you?
No, absolutely not. Never. No. I mean, I would play baseball in the yard with my brother and our friends as kids, but I never played organized. I only played soccer. Can I go back to why did they have in the White House peanuts from Georgia and Texas? And it was like Georgia versus Texas or something. He's like, I can't get this off my mind. Yeah, I'm like, why? Why not?
on my mind I think I really got the I didn't ask but that is a great question little cowboy thanks follow up with someone but my feeling based on her accent in Washington DC I felt like it's probably something to do with where she comes from. That specific woman, like it was a personal hospitality thing. You've got to make your job fun. If I was sitting at a desk in the White House, I might be like, yeah. Try this Toronto...
I don't know. Jerky or something. Yeah, what would Toronto's thing be? I don't know. Tim Hortons. Donuts? Yeah, yeah. Maybe I'd go Dunkin' Donuts versus Tim Hortons. Wouldn't it be pateen? Wouldn't that? Or is that just... Pateen? How do you say it? Yeah, poutine. I say poutine, but it's probably not that.
Poutine is what I always said. In the Canadian election, I was like, oh yeah, all of the politicians here have to be totally bilingual, and that's pretty badass. Oh, really? Oh, yeah, because I've got to wrap. all those french canadians yeah yeah not me i don't know i like a French. I bet that's not true. Oui, oui. Parlez-vous français? Merci beaucoup. Vous voulez beaucoup. Yeah. You know something. But how do you... See, I don't even know how to say that.
Yeah, that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's too dirty for me to say. You are the dirtiest of the three of us. No. it's not true I'm a delicate dainty flower Yes, you are. Thank you. Our little fortune. that's right there she is oh my gosh everybody introduce your baby talk i just did mine was that your real baby talk i don't know everyone Introduce your baby talk. Sad introducing. It's my baby talk. Is that your baby talk? It's my baby talk.
It's your baby talk. No, my baby talk is to Biggie. It's like, hello, my Biggie baby bear. I love you so much. You're my prince. He goes, he's still sleeping. A rainbow shoot out of his belly. He's sleeping like a good baby bear. May, you're next. I know, I know. I've been building it. I've been dreading it. Oh, God. I don't know. What would I... Pretend you're looking at something really cute. I'd be like, okay, what's its name? The cute thing? It's called the cute thing. Okay.
Oh, it's a cute thing. Oh, you're so cute. And do you ever use that voice? y yeah well because my friend alana was was fostering these two pit bull puppies yeah still is yeah and so me i'm sure i said i'm sure i said there's one called ernie that is just like lodged himself in my heart immediately weren't you co parenting them. I kind of promised to co-parent and then, um, And then I've been away a lot, but I think she's going to adopt.
one she's adopting um ernie where's bert gonna go well you apparently have to separate sibling pitbulls or else they become like pack mentality and they yeah they don't so i think a friend of hers has taken bert so that they can still be big brothers but yeah with ernie i was definitely going ernie Well, and if you are, just side note, into Pit Bulls, my friend Rebecca Corey has a really great organization called Stand Up for Pits. Aren't you attracted to Pitbull the rapper?
Yes, Rebecca also has an organization supporting Pitbull the Rapper. If you met Pimple the rapper, would you do a baby voice to him? Hello, Pimple. Hello, Mr. Worldwide. His face popped up on the TV screen last night at the cancer charity because I guess he had, I guess, performed.
previous years and i turned to stephanie i had never told her about my pitbull attraction really yeah and um and i was like side note That is who I... have a thing for that's your whole past yeah wild yeah and she was like interesting so you think he's handsome and i said I don't even know if it's that. I just, there's something about him. You like the charisma. Yeah, I don't know what it is. The confidence in the tiny pants.
i love charisma and tiny pants i will say when i was in that dugout with those couple of dodger guys i crossed my legs and turned into a pretty little lady really tell us girlfriend girlfriend i don't know Why? I just cross my legs and just... started chatting we do not typically cross your legs is not like that not like in a dainty way like were you giggling like in a man spreading way i will sometimes you know yeah where it's like your legs kind of like
straight like this. Yeah, like your knee is flopped down and your ankle's on your knee. Really cross, like everything's in like a like a little pretty little lady like unpack me now were you like I'm so small oh look at me little fortune I'm so small I need a big baseball guy to help me yes who doesn't have a boyfriend dear so you're i wonder if you were like subconsciously like flirting like no i feel like i don't even think it was subconscious
She was putting herself out there. I think my instincts would be... like subconsciously i'd immediately start like bro-ing out like i'd go the other way i'd be like hey what's up gentlemen i'd be like spitting and what's up fellas grabbing your crunch really intensely and far They spit intensely? Like, yeah. And then I'm like, oh, yeah, men are gross. What's the spitting about? Is it, do they still, or is that like old timey Babe Ruth days that they would have like tobacco in their mouth?
Is it just tradition? Some have tobacco, but a lot of times it's gum or sunflower seeds. That's crazy. My son, Finn, you know, they both play, but he really is... He'll pitch and Max will catch. And when Finn is on the mound, he always will turn and spit. That's so good. Yeah, it's real fun to watch. That's amazing. Any hoodles, should we get into our question? Yeah, I'm really excited. Yeah, take something into our question. Thank you, Cora.
I'm really excited because... That's gross. That was gross, yeah. people like long time listeners have turned off yes thomas unplugged his headphones and left town yeah left town yeah don't you want to kind of hear thomas can we hear your baby voice yeah can we Hey, TIG! I hope the three of you are having a good time. podcast record so far oh my god that was not what i was expecting that was kind of michael jackson-y i know i saw now do their baby voices
Send in your baby voices. Send in your baby voices. We'll be like, why are we getting these creepy messages? Okay, let's hear it. Tell us about our guest, May. Our guest today, I'm very excited about because she's my sweet angelic friend who played... My love interest, George, on my show Feel Good. She's a super talented actor from the UK. You know her from Ghosts, Fresh Meat. Dead pixels.
And she's now one of the leads of the Netflix series You. She was in the last season, and now she's in the final season, being such a badass. My friend Charlotte Ritchie is asking today's question. Nice. Hi, May. Hi, Fortune. Hi, Tig. Hi. It's Charlotte, Richie here. I have a question for you. If you could run, like own, run, manage, create a shop. What would it be? What would you sell? What would you make? And where would it be? I can talk about the layout. Yeah, I want to know.
You can talk about the layout. That's a great question. Also, Charlotte is an amazing singer as well. I'm fortunate to have a blast singing a couple of hymns with Charlotte. I would love to. Her brother, Luke Ritchie, is a musician who does beautiful folk music. And then they sing together. And, you know, when siblings sing together, something magical happens. That's right. The way I'm right. Thing it's like.
Yeah, gorgeous. There's a song called Hammerite that is breaking heart. Have you sung together with her? We have, like, during filming, because we filmed in the pandemic, we were, like, isolating together, and so we had our keyboards and guitars, and we did a lot of... Sweet harmonies. A lot of silence. That's a very Ulbic town. I love that she's asking about what shop would you write? What a relaxing fantasy to imagine.
putting together a little shop yeah but once the shop gets up and going i can't imagine it's relaxing high stress yeah yeah you need a shop that like has its like regulars and you don't have to survive off the money of the job because usually the first couple years you're You're in the red, right? Yeah, it's hard to make money. And so you just need to shop where you're like, I'm just doing this for fun. I don't actually want a lot of customers. Yeah. Just my neighborhood regulars.
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oh but it would be so so juicy i think okay the thing that came to my mind was um okay so i wanted to feel a little magical when you walk in the door like a little bell goes at first you don't see me i'm i'm like tucked in the back like Like maybe I'm an old man and I come out and uh the first thing that happens when you come it's a puppet store but you
make your own puppet at the store so you come in oh it's like that um place where you make a cup and you paint it it's like that yeah yeah yeah or when you there's one where you make teddy bears as well i think for kids like but so you go in and first you have to Go into a room called the mirror room and it's like a little booth where you have to stare at yourself in a mirror until you see kind of your shadow self and you have inspiration for your...
puppet, which is going to be an extension of your soul. So you've thought this out. Well, I'm just going to move it now. And then you come to me and you go, okay, I want to make a puppet. It's a, you know, it's a frog or it's a... you know, a jester or whatever. It's like you're a clown almost, you know? And then I give you...
It's like Ollivander's wand shop. Like I give you what I think you'd need, what materials you need to make the puppet. I'm very controlling in this fantasy. I'm very, to some people I go, you're not. things, as they say. Oh, good fortune. That's my little fortune. Yes, it is. My little fortune. Raise the roof with those guns.
Yeah, but some people I would turn away if they're not ready. If they're ready, not ready. Will you describe the puppet you want to make to me? And if I think you're not really looking inward deeply enough. Oh, wow. You know, if you go, I don't know, I want to make a dog called, you know, Doofus or something. I go, tell me more. You need more depth. More depth, yeah. And then you make your puppet. And I'd put a little puppet theater in the back of the shop where I could host.
puppet shows and yeah so you're not planning to make money either Well, if each puppet costs a thousand dollars... I wouldn't turn people away if I don't like their idea. Yeah, that's true. I shouldn't be turning people away. Not in the first years when you're in the red. Did you know that Color Me Mine started as a real ceramic? Artists. It started as a puppet shop. You know what color me mine is like ceramics. Yeah, yeah. That's the mug place.
A real artist who has amazing pieces is like, I gotta make some money. I need ladies over 40 drinking and making some mugs. What a funny name, Color Me Mine. Color Me Mine. Yeah, what is that? Color Me Mine. Color me mine? Does that mean like, I want to paint mine? Doesn't have the same ring. I don't know. This was like... They were like, this sounds good.
They were ladies in their 40s drunk and drinking out of coffee. What are we going to call this? I'm a color of mine. Janice, Janice, what do you like? Color of mine. Would you guys want to come into my puppet shop or not? Absolutely. Does your dad work there? Yeah, my dad and his puppets. I mean, because I'm staying with them now. He's making...
I got to see his workshop and he made me a puppet for my birthday. It's a dog who's doing a painting. It's an artist dog. But then you take its little hat off and it turns out the ears were fake and underneath. The fake ears. It's a bear. Oh, wow. I know. He's fucking with me. Oh, the bear portal day. May 2nd. I knew that. Did you know that tick before? I did. Wow. How'd you know that? Fortune's July 1st. Wow. Neither of us are saying yours. That's alright. This was just past. Was it March?
it was march 14th and i texted you I think I also texted you. You texted me, when is your birthday? No, I didn't. No, I got everyone's phone calls and texts and gifts, and I appreciated every single one of them. Thank you. your store be what would you know i feel like it's just so obvious that it's annoying and that's fine but um yeah vegan food shop Yes, yes, yes. Or the dike dust on the shelf. Yes, dike dust on every shelf.
You know, I love those little grocery stores that also make coffee and they sell organic produce and little... Just little treats you can't find in the regular grocery store. I like those kind of shops and I'd love it to be fully vegan. Yeah, like a little country store like you might have. Fresh cherry pies, but vegan. Yes, of course. And yeah, that's a vegan country store.
And are you the only employee, or are you hiring staff? Oh, yeah, it's just me. I'm in an apron. I'm, like, just unpacking all the produce in the mornings and putting them on the shelves. I'm making the... I used to work in a coffee shop. I'm a pretty good barista. Really? Oh, yeah. But it's only decaf that you start writing. It's only decaf. That's right. polishing every zucchini before you put it on the shelf i'm you know i like zucchinis i don't love them really
I don't love them. I like them cut really thin, roasted with olive oil and some salt. Yeah, I like them at a Japanese steakhouse. Wait. You're opening a Japanese steakhouse? No, I like zucchini when they serve them at a Japanese steakhouse. I was like, well, that's such a flex after the vegan food store that you're going to open a steak in Japanese. Especially Japanese. Wagyu.
I don't know about tech, but I'm going meat. I also would like to have local art on the walls and a little stage for poetry and open mic. you know music and that kind of thing that's my dream so if anyone wants to invest in me here i am as i said about lobbying i'd be a good good person to invest in i'm kind of imagining like this little old lady who
She doesn't have a lot of friends, and she's kind of awkward, and she comes into your store every day just for a chat, and you know she's not going to buy anything, but you kind of indulge. Morning, Amber, you know. Amber. Oh, I've got anything new. Yeah, is Amber an old lady name? No, it was kind of a sexy name. I don't know. I was going to say Justine. And then Fortuna already did a Justine in this episode. Like a Cecilia or something.
Yeah, like a race. What about Myrtle? Myrtle. Why don't we just go for it? Yeah. Myrtle. Yeah. Amber's like, maybe she used to be a Vegas dancer. Amber. What's up, Amber? Well, if it isn't Grandmother Amber. Oh, God. Yeah, Fortune, what was yours? I kept going back and forth, like, I love this place in Nashville called Biscuit Love.
And they have fun shirts and I just love it, you know, biscuits. And so at first I was like, do I want a biscuit shop? And then I was like, I don't know if I want to go. This double down on biscuits. and have it become your whole personality yeah like there's a there's the biscuit gal um except if you're in the dugout
You're not the biscuit gal. I like one of those places that in the morning till like three or something, that's a cool coffee shop. And then at like... before it turns into a cool cocktail wine bar. yeah yes um because i like a i love a coffee coffee situation i'm a big espresso gal yeah um and i like a place that's just like light and airy and like clean and It's not like super modern, but not like cluttery, like an old cottage.
and then at night I like a nice like old-fashioned or some kind of mixologist like um cool ingredient kind of cocktail situation yeah sprinkle a bit of it's not really food we don't really have food food like a kitchen but we have like Some good muffins in the morning that are delish. um we probably get someone else to make them because
Who wants to deal with that? We can make them over here at my Country Mart. There you go. Country Mart. Get them again. I can. When I say we, it's me. Oh, yeah, you and Amber. Amber, we're close still. And then at night, it's just like little, like, I like how in Europe they do, you know, the little aperitivos with the. olives or chips or snack mixes things like that sure are you in need of a puppet waiter yeah bud come on
You can hang your puppets on the walls. It's a cool space in a little outdoor area. Oh, that's nice. When the sun's out and it's nice or at night there's like candles. Are you going to have a rooftop? You got to have a rooftop. Oh, yeah. A rooftop would be good for those cocktails at night. Biscuits in the morning on the roof. Come on. Maybe have some desserts at night, too. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that sounds lovely. Who's going to make the most money?
This is going to shock you guys. I'm going to say me because you are shocking us for sure. Because you're wrong. Well, all I need is... Ain't no way, but please tell us. Good luck selling one puppet. What are my overheads? I just have the mirror for the mirror room. True. I have some arts and crafts supplies. True. And then I'm charging like 10 grand a puppet and I only sell one per month. Okay, well that's a lot of puppets. Wait, one per month? One per month.
Five grand. Okay, five's a little bit more reasonable. No, five is still pretty crazy. There's something you don't want. I'm like, tap off, but boy, is that expensive. But it's like a It's a six-hour experience, so it's like...
what about like a thousand dollar a puppet okay yeah you're right you're right how about 30 no because it's i give you my full attention they also get to meet may and there are fans of may who will pay that that's hanging out for six hours It's just me and my full attention. And you look deep into their soul and tell them nice things. Well, and it's therapeutic what's happening to them. It's like mask work. Do you make out with them at the end?
Wait, with the people or the puppets? With the puppets. I make out with their puppets at the end. Oh my God. People, that's why we're paying a thousand a pop here. You said look deep into their soul and tell them nice. things. What about looking deep into their soul and tell them really terrible things? I think some people will be into that. What if my puppet makes that with their puppet? We'll be right back after this commercial.
Um, I don't know if any of us are raking in the dough here. Yeah. I'm selling zucchini, guys. I know. You're definitely not raking in the dough. You're not. It's organic. Mine has a chance, but I'm gonna have to really... Promoted on my social media. You're going to have to sell a lot of biscuits to pay off the building you just described. Well, no, the biscuits aren't happening anymore. It's just muffins.
what you're outsourcing it won't be a huge space I don't want to go you don't want to go too big I have an idea you can also get a membership So you got your regular customers and tips and stuff, but then you got some people who get a membership. I don't know. What do they get with that? Is this for your business? No, for you. Oh, for mine. Maybe they get. To touch Biggie or something? Aww, Biggie baby bear. well I have to really like dogs
Come on in and touch Biggie! For $300 a month. He's like, why am I a part of this? And also, just assuming everyone knows who Biggie is. Come on in. Step right up and touch Biggie. The only people that come to this coffee slash bar are my fans. Now, what is the name of your business? Yeah, good question. Thank you. Oh gosh. Mine is Biggie's Country Mart. So Biggie's involved in yours too. He's in a lot of the businesses. He's an entrepreneur.
You can tell just looking at him. He's asleep right now. He doesn't know he's about to be called upon. Mine is... Dante's Inferno. Whoa. Or something like that. Of course it is. Of course it is. Because you're looking deep into the seven levels of hell of your soul and you're encountering... All the things that you repress. Mind something like... Daunt Mays Inferno. Sorry. What is it? Daunt Mays? Daunt Mays. Okay. We're still workshopping. Yeah, we're workshopping.
What about fortune? What if yours is no biscuits here? That's a good one. Thank you. Still workshopping. I like something ambiguous like the library you know yeah that's cool well you know that's always a good title something like that the library because if somebody's cheating yeah on their credit card statement yeah i was at the library all day yeah you know the dentist The dentist! We have at least one drink that has smoke in it.
Oh, for sure. You need something that people want to Instagram, you know? Yeah, you're right. Well, Biggie's there. That's your Instagram. He's part of it. Touch Biggie! We need one or two cocktails that are showstoppers. Yeah. What should we hear about, Charlotte? I think for sure I hope she sings it in the form of a hymn me too My shop would be a second-hand electronics shop where I fix the wires in Hi-Fis and Walkmans and it would be in Camden Town in London.
Thank you. Bye. Interesting. Secondhand electronics. Yeah. Where you fix the wires. Definitely making the least money. I don't know. That's really functional. I'm really surprised it's such a specialized skill. But it's a second-hand electronic shop, right? Can we listen to that again, Thomas? I think she referenced a Walkman even. Yeah. I kind of, I'm not going to lie to y'all, I kind of missed it.
what she said yeah we're gonna listen again i don't know if it was it the accent wait did you just say i'm not gonna lie yeah you didn't say truth be told you said i'm not gonna lie okay everyone drink that's adjacent my shop would be a second-hand electronic shop where I fix like the wires in Hi-Fis and Walkmans and it would be in Camden Town. High fives? High fives? You guys, I feel like, are boggled by the accent. In Camden. Where's Camden Town?
Fix the wires and high fives and walk, walk, man. What high fives? What is a high five? I don't know. But it feels like this is a high fidelity story. High fidelity story. Oh yeah, we all knew that. there's like nostalgia involved in her choice like it's it's like she's keeping the relics alive yeah yeah that's what my doctor does with me You know, it kind of reminds me of I have and maybe I could combine this with. biggie's country store but um whenever i see furniture on the side of the road
I always want to take that and sand it and paint it, and I don't have any talent around that kind of work. But Stephanie is not into picking up. furniture on the side of the road that makes sense because it could have like bugs or stuff in it because you're usually the germy one guys i'm not picking up furniture that has feces and bugs all over it you don't know what if it had um what are those things called
Wow, you need to bring the mood down. Bed bugs. I'm just trying to share my dreams with you and all of a sudden I'm crazy and filthy. You and Crazy Amber are out there picking up furniture. Amber, we're closed! You have a carpentry shop called Filthy McNasties. But wait, that's your dream is to pick up old furniture and restore it?
Some of us have bigger dreams than others. But yeah, I love when I see an old table or chair or something. I like it. I'm like, God, that is... garbage, but I'd like to pick it up and Painted something. That could be a business.
too secondhand that well i was thinking i could redo that and use it for like the table and chairs at biggie's country store and people can sit in those and i can also put them up for sale and also sell them yeah you can buy my garbage Now we're starting to get more of a marketing profitability plan here.
i like how practical you're like that you're thinking about profit margins yeah you can't make money you can't just have a passion i like that the image of charlotte though like that's very in keeping with her personality i think that like like the calm of just just quietly repairing some some wires and yeah the kind of uh analog nature like she's not rich not on her phone a lot like she doesn't have social media like i can
I imagine maybe she'd be listening to classical music. On her Walkman. Her newly repaired Walkman from 1981. She lives in London, right? She lives in London, not in Camdontown. What is Camdontown, though, did we... Camdontown is like a part of London where I would say... When you go there, it's like every trend that's ever existed. So like punk, goth, like ravers, it all still exists in Camden town.
It's just a weird little melting pot of like... I think it's where Amy Winehouse would perform and it's kind of grungy and there's okay yeah yeah sounds like there might be some furniture on the side of the road that i could uh it's a place where a walkman still exists so yeah yeah yeah at least one all of a sudden i'm gonna yuck her yum no yuck in this yummy episode that was a a joy to do this episode i'll be honest a joy and an honor my friends i'm honored
I'm honored. I'm honored. And I'm going to go to each one of y'all's stores. And I'm going to leave them five star reviews on Yelp at least once a month. Thank you. Cut out. I'm going to clip the section of Thomas's baby voice and I'm going to use it as my ringtone. So every time my phone rings. I'm going to use it as my alarm on my house. If somebody breaks in, then they're going to have to hear that.
Please don't break into my house. Please leave us alone. We don't want no trouble. We don't want no trouble. Guys, you guys, should we give a finger kiss to each other? Anyone have anything coming up? I am on tour doing, I got three. Music shows in June. June 10th, 12th, and 13th on the West Coast. So check out maymartinmusic.com. I'm in San Francisco and Portland and Vancouver in June. Nice. My 16th. I'm in Grand Rapids, Michigan, then Minneapolis.
And then coming after that, St. Louis, Kansas City, Malvin, Kansas, Vegas, Lexington, Kentucky. Knoxville, Tennessee Asheville, North Carolina and lots and lots more dates coming in the fall. On May 17th, I will be at the Ojai Playwrights Conference fundraiser. with Emily Saliers from the Indigo Girls and Jonathan Brooks and several other people. It's going to be a great show for a good cause. Get your tickets online.
I'll also be at the Tribeca Film Festival in New York City June 7th with the film that I produced, the documentary called Come see me in the good light. So if you're in New York, come check that out. And then I'll be in P-Town August 23rd doing two shows. And then I'm always working out new material at Largo and Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles. Go to tignotaro.com for all information. And please, if you enjoy our show.
Share your favorite episode with a friend and help us build the handsome community. It's... a really good group of people i gotta say sure is yeah what do you say until next time well i think we should tell people to keep it We should have done that in a baby voice. Oh, yeah, shall we? Can we? Yeah. Okay. Until next time. Cheers. Yes! Ew.
Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Ouellette. Email us at handsomepod at gmail dot com. And please follow us on social media at handsomepod. What a podcast! What a podcast! That was a HeadGum Podcast.
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