Hand Me My Purse is a production of iHeart Podcasts. So I happen to be perusing WHOOPI Goldberg's Internet and I found this and I said, you know what, let me share this with my folks because somebody needs to hear this. I was somebody, and maybe you're somebody too. It says things you may need to hear this week. Sometimes what didn't work out for you really worked out for you. Seeking reassurance from yourself is just as valid as it is from others. You are not behind, but
exactly where you need to be. Have confidence that today will be another successful day. That dream was planted in your heart for a reason. And this is from an account on Instagram called the Mayfair Group and I like it. I like it a lot, and I usually don't do this, but go follow them because got some good stuff going on over there. Let's go ahead and get this party started, because I can promise you it is going to be a party. I can't see the patter that. Okay, what's up, y'all?
Welcome to hand Me my Purse Podcast. I am none other than the incomparable me Me Walker, and I will be here forever host each and every single time. I promise each and every single time you tune into this podcast. So go ahead and get comfortable. Get yourself a glass of your favorite beverage, whether that's alkaline water, some red kool aid, a hot cup of tea with honey or Hennessy. Go light yourself a candle, some incense, or burn some sage, and just get ready to chill out and have a
good time. What's up, friends, again, It's Mimi resident Auntie Supreme. Here, hand me my purse, and today I am actually sipping on some peppermint probiotic tea from a brand called Traditional Medicinals, and some organic haybiscuits or high biscuits however you want to say, tea. And I added a full dropper of this tincture that I like to drink called glucose bitters. Are supposed to help with your hormones. It's good for women who have pcos like me. Shout out to all
the girlies that have pcos. This concoction is good for me to sip on because I want to make sure that my tummy doesn't act a damn fool tonight and tomorrow. After the meal that I had for dinner, which was very heavy. I was doing a little emotional eating this evening because today and I had two drinks because today was a complete and utter royal clusterfuck at work. Okay, it was bad. Stick to the game plan? What is the game plan? Is the real question? What is the
game plan in education in America? What the fuck is going on in schools? Okay, I don't know, and I'm there every day. Actually I do know. I'm gonna not be sticking to the game plan right now. All I can say is, it's the end of the school year. Next year when school starts. Parents, administrators, school district government, get your fucking act together. Please. The people are tired, Okay, tired, And it's clear that it's the end of the school year.
It's upon us. But clearly students and their parents just don't give two fucks about that because they're still acting like completing up balls. And I gotta say that something is going to have to drastically change in education, particularly in urban environments or environments that are stricken with poverty, or there will be hell to pay. There's already hell to pay, and the staff members are definitely paying the hell. But something has to change. And however, I can help
to facilitate that change. I'm open to doing that, but I gotta say something has to fucking give because these kids and their parents got some soul searching to do it, and I mean that shit. Anyway, What are y'all sipping on today? Is it anything delicious? I can't really say that my tea is really delicious because I'm not drinking it to taste good. I'm drinking it for its medicinal properties, which y'all drinking anything good? You've got any suggestions? I
saw this thing that I want to try out. It's like a a fake me out alcoholic beverage. I gotta find it. I think it might be called Heo or Neil, I don't know. I saw it on the instagrams. I'm really excited to try it out. But do y'all have any suggests or any new things to drink? Because summertime is here and SIS is ready to have a good time. So friends and ken for the jam today. I chose a song from Erica Badu's album Let me see what
the name of this album is? This album I want to say this New America Part two, Return of the ANC. It is number five. It's called gone Baby, Don't be Long. I love it. It's a groove, it's a bop. And when I went to see Erkabadu last summer in DC, she sang a lot of songs. Of course, she sang all her classics from like the first two albums. But I was really appreciative that she sang a lot of the songs that I have forgotten that I loved so much. And I chose this song simply because one is a bop,
but two because of the title. Because this is the season four finale, this is the closing of season four. I have pumped out forty five fucking episodes, uh in this season. And I gotta say, I'm proud of myself. I ain't even gonna front on you today. I am very proud of myself.
I want to thank me for believing in me.
I want to thank me for doing.
All this hard work, hard work. I want to thank me for having no days off, none. I want to thank me for for never quitting never. I want to thank me for always being a giver.
It's what I do. Okay. So I chose this song, like I said, because I love the way it sounds like Erica Bad, like when She's in her bag. She's in her bag, and this song is number five. It's from the album New America Part two, Return of the Unk, and the covers like purple and she's like a robot with flowers coming out of her head with a purple sky,
and you know it's real Erica by do it. It came out in twenty ten, and I was glad that I was reminded of this song when I went to see her last year in DC with Yasin Bay also known formerly known as most Staff. But anyway, check it out. I'm gonna play a little bit of it for you, and then we are going to go ahead and go into the episode. Of course, there's gonna be a link to the song in the show notes, because that's what the fuck I do every time for your listening and
viewing pleasure. So check it out so you can listen to the whole song, and don't worry because I'm gone, baby, But I won't be too long when I come back for season five, and I can't believe that it will be time for season five. H I don't know exactly when I'm gonna come back. It ain't gonna be too long, because I said I'm gone, baby, but you know it won't be too long. I ain't gonna be out here for no six months, not giving y'all no juice, but
I need to break Mama's tired. If you can't tell already, Mother is exhausted, Okay, completely exhausted. So get into the song. Then we're going what is that? What was that? What was that? Mem the hell? Get into the swng? Okay, we're gonna get into the sowng anyway, get into the song and then we're gonna come back here and go ahead and get to this conversation. Okay, Okay, enjoy.
Fazl and both Bassy and I loved You.
Where you Go?
And id lady watch no, no, you're got to get to us a long joy friends and kN So we have come to the end of season four, and that is pretty fucking amazing.
I gotta say, like, that's that's that's Stern season four. Okay. On June thirteenth of two, twenty twenty three, which was last year. If you're listening to this in real time, I released my very first podcast episode with the backing of the mega network iHeartMedia or iHeart Podcasts, Right and what a fucking blessing. This has been for me, Like since then, it has been a serious hell of a ride, Like I can't even lie. The blessings just poured out like like it was just I can't even explain it.
Like as soon as I was launched. As soon as I launched, I was blessed with an opportunity that many, especially independent podcasters on iHeart Podcasts, are not blessed with, uh, and that was that I got to be in conversation and be interviewed by the president of iHeart Podcasts himself. His name is Will Pearson for their podcast where I Podcasts or a Heart Media's podcasts, and it's called Conversations.
And I think the episode came out like in August of August of twenty twenty three, so if you look it up, actually I'll link it so that you can check it out. But it was really amazing. He was really, really a nice guy, and I could not believe it.
I almost started crying during the show because I was like, God, this is next level amazing to be awarded the opportunity to be on such a major network, but also to have the freaking president and the president of I Heard Podcasts interview me like, oo, me a whole me, Yes, a whole me, because I deserve it and I'm worthy
of that, and so God blessed me with that. And I also got to go visit the iHeart Studios in New York City, New York City, Sorry to record actually one of my favorite series of season four, and that was the series about Sweet Daddy Grace, which is I want to say, episode seventy four, seventy five, seventy six with Marcy Depina, who is an amazing human being, just dope, just all around fucking dope human being. But the episodes were great, the series was great, and I got to
record them in the Red Studio. Like y'all don't really know what that means, but it's big shit. So I got to record in the Red Studio. Was so dope. It felt like I was supposed to be there. It felt like breathing. And I pray that God awards me
the opportunity to visit again and record there again. And also another thing that I don't take for granted is all of the completely amazing interviews that I have shared with you guys this season, in the episodes that I recorded with myself because don't get it fucked up episodes. The solo episodes they hit and they don't miss. But the me, the solo episodes are just like me talking to you, right, But when I'm able to talk to other people and share it with you, it's really amazing
with me. And I'm in awe, like I said, of all of the magic that was created in the conversations that I've had with folks on the show this season. Also, we're going to talk about some of the lessons I've learned. I'm going to share some of the journey over the last year with y'all, the stress, the grief, the confusion, the loneliness, the greatness, the wonder and yes, the wonder because there are moments that I could have never would have imagined, that I could just never would have dreamed of,
just so many awesome things. I'm currently in a strange space, you know, of uncertainty, and you guys know, that's like a space that I tend to navigate tiptoe that my therapist really supports me in working through uncertainty. And so I'm in a spirit of uncertainty or in a space of uncertainty now about the future of handing my purse
as it pertains to iHeartMedia and iHeart podcasts. But one thing that is constant and that I'm fundamentally certain of, and that is that I have the most amazing audience of listeners on this planet. Planet Earth has never seen a better and when I say better, I mean, what the fuck I said, a better bunch of human beings
and aliens. If there are people listening outside of Planet Earth or aliens on Planet Earth, okay, listening to my show, or in the galaxy, because, like I said, somewhere on Venus or Saturn or Mars or Mercury, particularly Mercury, because Mercury is all about communication, somebody could be listening or something could be listening, and I kind of think that
would be cool. And I know you are probably judging me and think that I'm a weirdo, but I don't care, because other life forms and other creatures and other things they deserve to listen to Hanimy my pursue, Okay stuff. Anyway, I just want to say that I'm really really, really really really grateful for all of you that do listen to me run my mouth every week. Y'all. Listen when I'm running my mouth, just talking to y'all as if we were sitting at a table eating together and just
having a good time. And y'all listen when I have folks on to talk about their lived experiences and you know, folks who just come to share their story with us. One thing about my friends and can is that y'all gonna be there. And for that, I say thank you again, so very much. Every single week. I'm humbled by your support. I'm humbled by your consistency, and I'm being so sincere as Frederick Entertainer said, I'm so sincere. I'm so sincere
your support and your encouragement. And like I said, your consistency, because consistency is important, humbles me and it brings me to tears on a regular basis, Like you have no idea. Sometimes I drop a few tears because I'm like, these motherfuckers keep coming back to listen to me. And sometimes I can't even believe that I'm four years in and I cannot believe how blessed I am. I'm blessed, that's
what it is. It's not luck, because God doesn't really deal in luck, you know, That's not how That's not what I believe that's not my belief. I just believe that I am blessed and that God favors me, and I'm really grateful for that. And I do understand that hard work pays off, and every single time hard work is going to pay off. As long as I work hard, I will reap the harvest for what I have sown.
And I'm grateful that I have people in my life that consistently remind me of the hard work that I've put in over the last five years. And this moment, I want to say thank you to my cousin Randall, because I'm about to cry or get it together. Girl.
Sometimes when I go through like bouts of self doubt, I always call him because he will always remind me that no matter what, no matter what, I earned all of these blessings, all of this favor, I've worked really hard and he was there to watch me grind this shit out before an iHeart, before anything, he was there. And I just want to say thank you to my cousin Randall for having my back and always reminded me, like, motherfucker, you earned this shit. You worked hard, man. He always says,
manifest it is great, and you know it's great. That you say that you manifest things, but no, you fucking worked your ass off to get where you are. And he's right, and I need that reminder sometimes, So shout out to my cousin Randall. Now I want to play something for you guys. This is a recording before I even get into the journey. This is a recording that one of you guys actually one of my friends, and can shout out to my fucking friends and can that
one of you guys sent to me. And I'm gonna just play it for you first, So go ahead and come on, let's listen up and get into this real quick large takeaway here.
Thank you, Thank you for being you.
I really appreciate you.
Thank you for creating a space where you can share all of you with all of us. Because there have been a few instances where your messages and your podcast, whether it's from you directly, a book, you're sharing, a song, you're sharing a guest on whatever, you know what I mean, all of that has helped whatever I was experiencing in that moment. Because I do believe in intentions and diffinity of the universe. I believe in all of that. I believe that I am brought to your podcast and other
things when I need them. And there have been a lot of times where I've been experiencing something on the inside and I put on your show and it's been just a message there to help me pull through whatever I'm going through. So I would like to say thank you for that.
That is my message this morning.
I hope you have a wonderful day.
I'm not even go in front. When I receive this, I cried like a baby, like snot cry because nobody. I won't say nobody, but like nobody really knows how difficult it is. And I am going to say nobody how difficult it is sometimes for me to be so vulnerable to share so much of myself. I love saying myself. I don't know what that is? Do I need a speech freaking therapist? What the hell y'all know what's coming anyway?
To share so much of myself without the fear of being judged, without guilt or feeling shame, And sometimes I do feel shame, and just to expose so much of who I am every week, all the while still trying to navigate my own shit because real life is happening outside of this microphone in this studio if you call it that, or this booth. Real life is happening for me, and you guys know that because I talk about it.
And so for me to navigate my own shit and deal with my own healing journey, deal with grief, deal with joy, deal with confusion, deal with loneliness, not so almost lonliness, loneliness when I loneliness within my grief. You know, sometimes it's hard, and for some people it's really easy just to pretend that you're somebody else or to pretend that everything is great, And it's sometimes really hard for me to just come before you really raw the way that I do, and just not front and not pretend
that shit is sweet, you know what I mean? Like in person with people. You know, people are notorious for saying, oh, how are you? Oh I'm fine. I don't I'm fine y'all with y'all, like I keep the shit a buck.
I try to be as honest as possible with you guys, and just be myself, my authentic self, my most authentic self, and be really raw and naked if you will, with you guys, because I want you to understand that I am coming before you as myself and not pretending to be somebody else, which a lot of times, I'm going to say it a lot of times on when it comes to media, so on social media, the television, television shows, reality shows, podcasts, radio shows, people are pretending to be
other people and it fundamentally goes against everything that I believe in to do that. So I really want to come before you just as myself. It's really important for me to do that. And so this message really made me feel seen, and it made me feel like the work that I do here with handing my purse for y'all and for me because please believe, this fills me up. It fills my cup. So if it fills your cup up, I'm that is a blessing for me as well a
blessing as a blessing for you. But it fills me up to do this work, and it makes me feel like the work that I do is steeps and purpose, you know what I mean. Sometimes I listen to this message and it helps me to redirect my thoughts, my negative thoughts and my negative self talk. It helps me to redirect self doubt that I have Sometimes, Oh sis is getting a little wet eyes and it's and it's really wonderful for me that one of you thought enough
of me to share this with me. And I open the door for you guys to please send me messages like this, because like they really warm my heart. And so I'm not saying that you need to or you have to. Clearly I'm not the boss of you, but if you are ever brought to a space where you feel like you know what, let me just share. I just I think that you should share that kind of stuff with people all the time. People should know that the impact that they have on your life and when
you appreciate them, when you are grateful for them. So I just want to say shout out to you friend, my friend and Ken that sent me this message. It was I'm really really grateful, it was really kind. You didn't have to do it. But look I'm over here crying just talking about it because it has been a real blessing for me, especially, it has really been a blessing for me over the past probably four months. So thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm so grateful for you.
Shut out to my friends again. And also I just want to say that it helps to remind me of my why. It reminds me me of why I do this. It ruins me why I do it, Okay, because sometimes I get so caught up and I talk about this all the time, caught up an outcome that I lose sight of why I do this work. And I just am so grateful that you guys send me the messages that you do, whether it's a voice message, whether it's a text message, whether it's an email or a message
on Instagram or Facebook. I'm just grateful, And please don't stop, please and continue to share that with me, because like I said, it really fills me up. Shout out to my friends and ken y'all are the fucking best. Now, let us take a little journey into uh season four of Handing My Purse. We're gonna talk about the challenges, the triumphs, the lessons, the triumphs, the lessons, the joy and we're gonna start from like when I had to plan and prepare for the launch of my very first
episode with iHeartMedia or IET Podcasts. So just as I was preparing and lining up all the pieces to launch Handing my Purse on iHeart, because there's a lot of fucking work that goes into the preparation for the launch of a show on a major network. There's so many meetings and things that you got to get lined up and just hell the shit to prepare for. So right before my producers and I really started to get down in the delta with the hardcore preparation for my launch.
As you guys know, my grandfather, my grandfather, Well, that was before the launch of Handing My Purse. Period. That's so fucking ironic, hmm. I never thought about that. Right before I launched Handing My Purse. Period in January of twenty twenty, my grandfather passed away and I launched Hammy My Purse. The trailer came out in March March first of twenty twenty, and I officially launched the podcast on April first of twenty twenty. And before I launched on iHeart,
my grandmother passed away. Interesting anyway, my grandmother was my number one stunner, my ride to die. How ironic I would say that, Oh Lord, she died. My favorite person on the planet, the whole entire planet died, and God said it was time for her to return to Him. And there was in the midst of a full fledged celebration, or in full fledged celebratory mode when boom, my life was just flipped up the fuck side down on my head.
And in the words of KRS one and his song loves Gonna Get You, I wasn't gonna mention the song, but y'all don't know it well, some of y'all don't know it cares when his song called love was gonna catch in. When I was a little girl, I used to always say this line, now, tell me what the fuck am I supposed to do? Not in front of adults. I would say it when I was alone. And that's how I felt because life had just flipped upside down. It had flipped me over a thousand times on my hand.
And so my contract stated a contract with iHeart stated that I was supposed to put out an episode every week. So every Tuesday, actually, I was to put out a new episode. Now, if you've been around here in a part of this community before I joined the iHeart Realm, then you know that Henmy My Purse was released on the first and the fifteenth of each month, and that was a part of the original strategic plan that it
would be released on those days. Specifically, as it pertains to black culture, it was a thing and clearly the first and the fifteenth. That's only two times month though, right, So that means that means that my output would double because I would have to put out an episode every week. Typically there's four sometimes five weeks in a month, or five four to five tuesdays in a month. That means
that it doubled and sometimes double and a half. Right, So my grandmother passes away and I lose the closest person to me in the entire universe. Then from February to June, I went on maybe one to two sometimes two vacations every month. February I went to Seattle. March I didn't go anywhere because that's when the meetings with my producers really started to get heavy. April I went to Dubai and Atlanta, and then the the awesome excuse me,
are someome? Sometimes I'm just like, girl, what the fuck do you be saying? The aresome part, Sorry, stick to the game plan. The fantastic part I'll say about going to Atlanta in April of last years that I got to meet my producers before the show even launched. So that was really amazing because I got to meet Evan and Taylor. Evan just happened to be because Evan's up here with me in the north and Taylor is in
the south. So it was cool because Evan just happened to be coming to Atlanta or that area while I was there, and I was like, this is fucking awesome, let's get together. So we got to meet and it was great, and I think that that was just pretty dope. I think that before we got to launch the show, us being able to actually meet in person helped to shape our relationship for the better. And I love them. I love those dudes. They're my guys. Okay. Anyway, So
April Dubai in Atlanta. May I went to Mexico and I went to Paris to see Beyonce for the Renaissance tour and that was some life changing joy. It was great. I needed that period. June I went to Texas to see one of my former cheerleader graduate after joining the Air Force, and that was such a beautiful thing to see her moving forward and just doing great things in her life. Shout out to you, Tamaya. Shout out to Tamaya, Takaya, Donora Ambryono. Because I can't mention one and not mention
all of them. So anyway, Sis was living Lavida wonderful. Right, So I'm traveling, I'm having a good time. My grandmother died, But you know what, I'm gonna just be moving around. I'm gonna shake around. I'm gonna go around. I'm gonna go to Europe. I'm gonna go to Mexico. I'm gonna go to cross the country. I'm gonna go down south. I'm gonna just do. I'm gonna do my motherfucking thing. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm telling you, I was living Levita, joyful. I had an amazing time trapesing all
throughout the streets of planet Earth. Traveling was giving me exactly what I needed, and my Wanderluss was in full fucking effect. However, unbeat knows to me, I was running. I was running like fucking Jackie Joiner Kursy running. I was usin boat running. I was running, running running from grief. I was running from loss. I was running from the reality of my life, which is that my number one person is no longer here in the physical realm. My
grandmother was dead. It wasn't right. Okay, stop, That's what I wanted to tell time. Stop. Okay, stop. And that was and it still is a whole fucking lot for me to process. I'm still processing it. And now I'm a year and a half into it and I'm still processing it. And at that time, I was processing it all without the support of my therapist because she was
dealing with her own health stuff. And when I tell you life be life, and I'm not fucking playing when I tell you all that, like life be life in the fuck out of people, and it just happened to be life and the fuck out of me at that time. And it don't wait. Life ain't waiting for perfect time, and life gonna do what it's gonna do. And I'm kind of setting the story up for y'all. I'm trying to get y'all into this so y'all can get ready for it. I want y'all to get into it, you
know what I'm saying exactly. So fast forward to June thirteenth, twenty twenty three. Now it's go time. It's go time. I can't be running no more, right, I gotta be still. I gotta sit my ass down because my output has to double, so I really have to get focused. The good thing is that it's summer break, so I can kind of get my head in the game and be present because I have to be present because my output
has to double. I really want you guys to understand that whatever it is you do in your work, right, let's say that you have to complete something twice a month, imagine having to have that double. Or let's say you complete something five times a month. Imagine having to double that and complete it ten times a month. It was a lot because in addition to that, I do have a full time job, right, I have a life, and grief was taking up a large amount of my life in that time. And like I said, once I was
able to be still. Once I had to be still and really be present in my life and be present in my skin and in my body, and in my home and in my family and in my friendships and at my job, grief came crashing the fuck down on the crown of my head. That's because that's what the fucking felt like, a fucking tornado. So I was able to put my grief on a stronghold from late February to mid early mid June, while I was running through the streets with my woes as Drake said sidebar, Drake.
Let's just Drake, you lost that one, buddy, Okay, so let's just say please, I'm asking you to please let this thing be done. I don't I want you to spraying some spray here on my hands. I don't want Drake to come back and keep doing this because it's over. Okay, it's over. You lost. Let's just keep it moving. Shout out to Kendrick Lamar, shout out to the city accomptent, shout out to hip hop winning anyway, let me focus,
I apologize, friends. So for five months, I had the game on lock right, running around, running around, but grief came looking for my ass, and it found me hiding in the closet, and it was back and in full effect. It's like I took a break with little droplets of it, but I took a break, but it came back looking for my ass and it found me. And I still had a job to do, right, I still had shit to do. And because of who I am, I'm about my business and I'm resilient as fuck, and I'm not
too my own horn. But based on my lived experiences since I was about ten, Okay, one thing about me, I'm resilient as fuck. I'm a bounce back, slowly but surely. However, it's got to go. Perseverance and resilience are some things that their blessings, their gifts that God has given me. Sometimes it's a gift than a curse, but it's a blessing nonetheless. So I still had to do what I had to do. I had to hunker down and really focus on putting out an episode every single fucking week.
So I did. And because hand me my purse is what the fuck I do, and it's what I have always done and what I will continue to do. It wasn't going to stop because I had a lot on me, or because I was stressed, or because I was dealing with grief. However, I had no idea what I was
about to get myself into being in this contract. And because I'd never done it before, I was always an independent excuse me, I was always an independent podcaster or you know, artists, and I kind of just did my thing and just whatever I did was what I did because I didn't have anybody to answer to because it
was me. But what I really didn't take into consideration was that it takes so much fucking more to be really super successful at podcasting than just recorded episodes, and all of that was on me to figure out that I knew, but I didn't really understand the impact that it would have or what it really looked like in practice or in real time. Like I kind of knew it, but to know something and to understand something are two
different things. And because I'm essentially like a baby in this game, a newborn in the game of being backed by a major network, like I didn't really know what the fuck I was doing. I was just kind of, like they said, put out four episodes a month or one every Tuesday. I'm gonna show up, and I'm definitely gonna do that. I'm gonna do that, But there's so much more of their social media, which is fucking major. Like social media is major, and that's why there are
people who get paid to do that. So there's social media, there's marketing in general, and that's why there are people who get fucking paid to do that. And that is the main way to grow an independent show. However, all I was really focused on and all I really could afford to, And when I say afford I mean emotional, emotionally, mentally and I would even say spiritually, that's all I could afford and understand, I'm not talking about money. There
are other forms of currency. Energy as a form of currency, and my mental health or mentally, emotionally and spiritually, that's all that I really could afford to do was to put out episodes every week. And when you're an independent show, it takes way more than just putting out those episodes. And that's all I was put Excuse me, that's all I was really focused on putting doing, was putting out shows because you know, I was throat deep in grief and it was kind of scary for me. I ain't
gonna lie. So what I absolutely had to do. I knew that I absolutely had to release a show every Tuesday, and I had to prepare a show. I had to research for a show. I had to document and outline a show. There are a lot of things that go into making a show. I don't just get on here and you know, be freestyle and like I'm in the BT freestyle cipher. Remember that I ain't in the BT site for just spitting this shit out. Like. There's a lot of preparation that goes into these shows. So even
though I release the show weekly. There's a lot that goes into preparing that show to be released, and it is a part of my personal integrity to ensure that I put out quality content. I'm not selling y'all no wolf tickets. I'm not selling y'all no bullshit. I'm not putting out no whack ass shit. It's not what I do that To add that to the list, the perseverance, the resilience, the authenticity, I ain't putting out no whax shit because my name should not be associated with wax
shit because I ain't whack. So anyway, I was laser focused on putting out quality shows for my friends in can and that's what I did. Forty five shows. Actually this is the forty fifth every week. That's what I did, with the exception of weeks that I took some breaks, because you know, I did have some time off like
any other job. I'm not a fucking robot. So while I actually had no choice but to mentally and emotionally deal with losing my grandmother, I started the job of my dreams with iHeart Podcasts, and I did exactly what I thought I was supposed to do. I put out quality content every single week, and that's all I did. There isn't much of any support with marketing beyond the show's release that I got from iHeart. So the first weeks of the show's launch, I got a big push
in terms of marketing. And like I said, I told you before, marketing is really important when it comes to growing an independent show. But when it comes to growing in an independent show, there's no handbook. Like nobody gives you a handbook and tells you what to do. Because people can sell you a masterclass and you can go listen to people tell you what you need to do. But every situation is different, and what's gonna work for me may not work for somebody else, and what worked
for somebody else may not work for me. And as I said, there wasn't any support for me. And that's not a dig at iHeart at the fuck all. I'm just kicking the actual fact. I'm just telling you what happened because that's what I do. I'm just gonna keep buck. So, as I said, there wasn't any support beyond the launch, and so the support around the launch was like I said, not like I said, but it was really amazing. It
was extremely beneficial. I got a phone call from my best friend in California who was listening to the radio, and was like when she called me and she was screaming at me. I think I mentioned it on the show before, and she was like, bitch, I just heard a commercial for your podcast on ninety two point three to be I don't even know if it still call that. It's ninety two point three though, and I couldn't believe it.
So it was so amazing that big push that I got, and I'm hella grateful for that and appreciative for it because it really set me up for greatness. I just had no damn clue how to maintain that. You know,
that's a lot. That's a lot to maintain, and I didn't know how to fuck to do that, And truthfully, I don't even know if I had the mental or emotional capacity to figure it out at that point, because, like I said, I keep saying this, but I want you to understand that grief was heavy in my bones at this point, like it was heavy it was on me.
So really, all I could manage, along with life and dealing heavily with my own mental health was to ensure that every single week I put out quality content and believe me, friends and ken, at that point, my mental health was jumping like a fucking disco. I was a complete wreck, and I was masking it all the best way that I could, because well, what are the alternatives? Like I couldn't just fall apart and just you know, I didn't want to become hyper depressed or you know,
like lay in bed all day. I didn't want to do that. Life is kind of like I always used to say, this, life is like bad Boy Records in the nineties. It can't stop, and it won't stop. And just because we need to figure some shit out or we need some time to work shit out in life, like, it ain't gonna stop for us at all. No, it's not not the good. So I'm just like trying to figure out all this shit out. So why am I
saying all this to you guys? Because I learned a whole fucking lot in the past eleven months or in the past year, because it's almost been a year. The biggest period of learning for me thus far during my journey with hanmy my Purse has been this past year. I learned that I cannot and underno circumstances will I be able to do everything. I can't do it all. I have a full time job as an educator. I have a part time job as a cheerleading coach. I
have another full time job as a podcast host. Because this shit is full time, well, it would be mid to time. It's between part and full time. And the most important job ever is me being a human, a functional human in the world and taking care of myself. Has been a bit of a struggle over the past year. I've had to work a little harder than usual. But I thank God from whom all blessings flow that I started therapy again in November of last year, and that
was a fucking life saver for me. God bless my therapist. I'm so glad that she and I are back in the saddle, and I'm blessed to be black back in Yes, I said what I said. God wasn't joking when I just said that I'm blessed to be black. That was a Freudian slip. That was a slip, but it was the truth. But I'm blessed to be back in the game and you know, going to therapy again because I was drowning before. When she called me and told me Are you ready to start? Yeah, I'm ready to start again.
What shout out to my therapist that lady shout out to her. What I feel like I most definitely have learned is that, as I stated, I can't do all of this by myself, And by all of this, I mean maintain the machine that is growing and maintaining a show on a major network, because that is a much much bigger operation than I ever thought it could be, and I can't do it by myself. I have to find help. Help is good. Everybody needs help. Sometimes I
need help. I definitely have my producers, and they are fucking amazing. But they are producers. They are not a marketing team. They are not agents, they are not a manager, they are not a pr rep. You know what I mean. Like, they are producers. They help me work on executing and implementing strategies that I need to put out quality content. That is what we're here for. And like I said, it's okay to get help, to get the help that
you need when you need it. But you don't know what you don't know until you realize that you don't know what you don't know. So when the time comes and I have it, all to do again. I got to get some help to run this machine because I cannot do it by myself, and I cannot even try to do it by myself. I should not even try to do it by myself because I need assistance. Okay, I got to get some help to run this machine so that it runs smoothly. I will have to outsource
the marketing for Hanming my Purse. I will have to outsource the social media management for Hanming my Purse. I will have to outsource support for building and growing my audience because that's all on me. It's all on me. I've learned that, And while that has been a huge lesson, it's also a blessing because now I know because, like I said, you don't know what you don't know until you don't know what you don't know. But now I know, and when you know better, you do better kind of
because I don't really believe that that's necessarily truth. But anyway, I've learned that, and now I know exactly what that should look like for me, Like I've already started planning and thinking about, like what does that look like? Where do I need to seek out the help? Where do I go to find the help. Who can help me? How can I get the help? So let's talk about, you know, the amazing things that happen, some other things
that happen. Because that's not to say that the things I just talked about weren't amazing, but let's focus on some other things. My show artwork got a complete overhaul, and the original artwork that I created myself with my baby picture is now considered vintage handing my purse artwork. But the new artwork, I love it because it's an homage to a picture actually of me and my dad.
The picture of me and my father. We took it when I was I want to say, I was six and I had a mushroom and my dad was a young hot dude back in the day. And I sent the team, the graphics and design team of iHeart. I sent them this picture of me and my father, and I said that I want this new artwork to be reminiscent of this image. But I want my grown up picture of myself and the original baby picture that I
used of myself in the vintage vintage artwork, Darling. I want to fuse them together, and the vintage image of baby me me and the artwork. I wanted it there to always remind myself of where him my purse started. I love the new artwork. I learned so much. I got to really streamline my process, which is amazing because here comes some astrology stuff because my saturn my virgo, I mean, my virgo is I don't even know how to say this. My saturn is in virgo is what
I'm trying to say. Sorry, guys, it's been a long day. It's late, and it's been a long day. But y'all know I'm really into astrology, so my saturn is in virgo. I'm really hyper focused when it comes to certain things, and I love processes. So I got to streamline my recording process and my planning process and my prep process. I got to say that when I came to the table, my prep process was already in line, and to the point that my producers were completely like, whoa motherfucker, you
got a lot of this shit already in line. And they were surprised, and I mean, like the iHeart period was just surprised that I was able to execute so many things just on my own, and I had created so many things by myself. But that's what I'm gonna do. And that's probably why I didn't think that I needed any help, because I'm so used to doing everything on my own when it comes to this podcast. But ahah Ahmad, I know now that a motherfucking needs some help. I
can't do it by myself. Now I have these awesome producers. They helped me to learn what I didn't know before. All that I knew before joining iHeart, I had to learn on my own, and I did all of that work solo. Like I said, other than my guests, there was nobody else. But with Evan and Taylor support and are awesome weekly meetings that I really really love. I have been able to really grow my skill set as a podcast host. And I can't even begin to tell you how the two of them have even supported me.
I'm gonna cry, oh, how Evan and Taylor have supported me as I grieved my grandmother's death like they are. They're my homeboys, right. We have really developed a really awesome relationship and they I don't think that they really understand how they have helped me throughout this process. I'm really grateful for them. I could not have asked for a better pair of dudes to have my back, and that's exactly exactly. Excuse me, oh, what they have done for me for the past year. They've had my back
in ways that I didn't even expect them to. And we make a great team. And I have two new friends and I'm grateful for that. And I've released some really, really dope content this season, and I'm grateful for them for helping me and guiding me in that shut out to Evan and Taylor. Together we make up Rando Banjo and the Dirty Threw. I really released a lot of good interviews this season too. I think I don't even think I have a favorite show. Actually, I was gonna
try to say my favorite show. I don't have a favorite show. It ain't no way that I could pick. But I've had some fucking phenomenal guests this season from my best friend Crystal, who is that's my rider. Shout out to my best friend Cristol episodes fifty three and fifty four, where we talked about how to maintain healthy friendships and all about our trip to Paris to see Beyonce. That was a whole key key and we low key
were going back and forth. We weren't arguing, but it was like a back and forth about me lovings and her hating pairs, and I mean, that's fine. I still love pairs and she can still feel however she wants to feel about pairs, But I love pears and then Amber of the Bend Down Project talking about her experience with being incarcerated and the shit that you just don't know about being a woman, particularly a black woman being incarcerated.
And that's episodes fifty nine and sixty My crazy ast friend Candice, who has been on this show so many times, in episode sixty three and sixty four, where we just talked about the freedom of being a single woman in this day and time, and it's always a good, hearty laugh that you're gonna get when the two of us together. Episode sixty six and sixty seven, I interviewed a young lady named Jasmine Evanna Epste and she talked about Hydradiniitis
super retiva. I want to make sure I said that correctly, also known as HS, and that is a condition that so many black people have to live with every day. Actually, one of my cheerleaders has it, and so I should. Probably I'm gonna I'm going to refer her to listen to this episode, but one of my cheerleaders has it so and one of my long time childhood friends had it. So I was really excited to have her on the
show because I was very familiar with the condition. Already episode seventy and seventy one, I spent talking with my homie and friend of the show, the Bedroom Bartender, about how to navigate heavy, heavy in your bones grief in your forties and still managed to live every day when like your person dies and is gone. She lost her mom during COVID, and so we talked about it, and it was probably the first time that I had ever really spoken about or even asked about, how do I
deal with this? And that that conversation was very helpful. Shout out to the Bedroom Bartender. I talked about this already. Episode seventy four, seventy five, seventy six were pretty fucking amazing, Like they're dope. I got to go to New York and record live and direct from the Red Studio in iHeart Studios with Marcy Depina, and it was pretty fucking phenomenal.
I have to say. The entire experience was really amazing, and when we got together, it was like we was cousins, and we were just talking and having a good time. But the topic our conversation was Sweet Daddy Grace And if you have not listened to that series, and if you don't know who Sweet Daddy Grace is, go listen to it immediately. Episode seventy nine through eighty one were recorded with my coworkers and we sat down and we had a roundtable and we talked about the current state
of education, particularly urban education. And it was a round table of veterans, and shit got real. We talked about some real shit. The truth was absolutely told. It was great and I'm so glad and grateful that they came in during Christmas break and sat down and talked to me and was in conversation with We were in conversation
with each other about the state of education. Eighty two and eighty three were with an amazing artist's name is Jonathan McCrory, and we talked about the rise of his career in black theater and he introduced me to the National Black Theater. I didn't know anything about it, and I love when I'm in conversation with people, and they introduced me to new things. Also, his story is a
really great story. Of resilience and perseverance and just believing in yourself and how those three things can really really excuse me catapult your career to the moon, just believing in yourself and never giving up on yourself. Episodes eighty six and eighty seven, I was in conversation with Eban A. Allman of the Professional Homegirl podcast, and that was a good old reality check for me. Just reminded me because
it's like I'm interviewing them, but I'm being fed by them. Definitely, that conversation reminded me one like girl, you are that bitch, don't forget it. And also that I'm the captain of this ship, and by this ship, I'm talking about my life, and that like if I want it, I want it, go get it, and believe that I'm gonna go to go get it and believe I'm worth it. That's the key. I love it when sisters hold one another accountable. It
was a great conversation. Episode eighty nine and ninety were with my good friend, okay and very good friend of handing my purse, Evany Vaughn, who shout out to Abny fucking Vaughn. We talked about in these episodes on this series self Deception and Self Awareness and child when I tell you it was a read, and it was a good read at that episodes ninety one and ninety two gonna talk a lot about it. But then Motherfuckers was heavy for me. Okay, I interviewed this woman. It was
a beautiful conversation. Her name is a Lua Arthur and she is a death doula and the author of the book Briefly Perfectly Human. It was such an amazing read. The book was and she has such an ethereal spirit. And I guess you have to if you're a death doula listen. That episode had me so fucking shook. It had me shook. You damn right, it got real. I'm listening. That episode was something else. I was shook during the fucking episode while we were recording and after we were recording.
And I gotta say, I have never, ever, ever, ever, ever ever listened to that episode. Again, I did not listen to it after we recorded it. Usually after I record something, my producer will send it to me for QA, and I did not listen to that for QA. I said to myself, whatever the fuck you got is what the fuck they gonna get? I'm not listening to it, because if you listen to it, you'll understand why I'm saying that I'm not gonna really talk about it. But
I ain't listening to it. Again. I never listened to it. Maybe I will and like two years no, man, Pam. The energy was so seriously spiritual and I've never experienced anything like it. It was amazing. But I'm still fucking shit, honey, So I ain't listened to it anyway. The last episode that I had with guests was the episode before this one, and it was with my producers Evan and Taylor, and it was so awesome to be able to just share with the world exactly what our conversations are like on
a regular basis. It was a really fun way to start to close out my conversations with guests for this season. And I'm honored that they were the last guest I had on the show for season four. And it's awesome that the first guest I had for season four was my best friend, and the last guests that I had
for season four were my producers Evan and Taylor. In between all of those episodes, so there are so many episodes where it's just me and I gotta say them episodes is dope and shit too, and not to too my own horn or anything, but hand me my purse is a dope fucking piece of dope fucking place to be. I was gonna say a dope fucking piece of ass. I'm and by you motherfuckers, I mean me because I don't know why I said it's a dope piece of ass. I don't know where that came from. But handing my
purse is a really dope place to be. So as I close out season four, I want you guys to know that, regardless of the outcome of the situation with handing my purse and my contract with iHeart, hand me my purse ain't going no fucking wear. This is my baby, this is God's gift to me, this is my gift to my community. This is a major part of my purpose. And I'm going to ride this motherfucker till the wheels fall off. I'm going to ride it out. I ain't
going nowhere until I'm ready to go somewhere. And I can promise you that if I go somewhere, I'm catapulting to the moon. Henvy, my purse is gonna always be my baby like Mariah Carey. Okay, but I do need to take a little break, y'all, because Auntie is tired of shit. I'm exhausted between this school year trying to take me down and me doubling that output every month. I need a serious break. But please know, I will
be back. Whether I am backed by a huge network or not the number one podcast network in the nation actually, or if I'm an independent show. This party will not stop. The party will always go on. The show will always continue until God tells me that it is time for me to stop. I will continue this journey with you, my friends, and can we ain't going nowhere. We is together, okay, and I should be back soon, but I can't tell
you what soon looks like. Just shit. I don't know if it's gonna be a month, two months, three months. I can't really see it being more than three months because I'm just not cut up that way. But I just need a break to reset, recoup, and to get my mind ready and get prepared to bring you some more fucking good shit. I gotta get ready. I gotta get prepared. I want to be prepared. I want to
be ready for you guys. So just make sure that you subscribe and you follow on the platform that you listen on and such so that when I do pop back out, when I pop out on y'all, you get the notification that we back in the swing of things. And I also just wanted to say that I do this for my culture. I do this for my ancestors. I do this for the planet. I do it for the galaxy, and I do it for you, and I do it for myself. Okay, I do it gracefully, and I do it gratefully, and I have so much gratitude
for all of you and for this show. God blessed me with this show. It was my idea, but it couldn't have been my idea by myself. It was God who placed this on my heart and in my spirit and in my mind and on my soul. And I'm grateful to you guys for always being here for me. But I'm so grateful to God for just planting this inside of me, because this is a gift, and it is a gift from God to me and then a
gift from me to you. And for every fucking opportunity that God has gifted me, I am grateful for it. God is so good to me, and he blesses me with so many wonderful opportunities and wonderful chances to be my authentic self and share that with the world. And I am blessed even with a wonderful audience like you guys. Thank you for being you, and thank you for continuing to show up for me, but most importantly for yourselves.
And you guys have no idea that you play such an important role in my life, and no words could ever explain to you how it makes me feel. I thank you, I thank you, and I thank you. Shout out to all of you. I will be back soon. All right, so friends again for the straight facts question
for this week. For the final straight facts question of season four, we have someone from Canada shout out to Toronto with all of the stuff that we see on social media coming from men and even some women, that after a woman is thirty to forty years old, it's over for her when it comes to finding a partner, particularly a man. I don't know whenmen where this whole rush of people saying such negative things about women over thirty comes from, But I wonder could there be some
truth to what is being said? Mimi what do you think. Do you believe that love still exists for women after thirty, but more importantly after forty. And that's from Maya in Toronto. Maya, let me tell you something. I'm forty four years old. I'll be forty five in October, and I do believe that love still exists for women over forty. I believe that love still exists for women over fifty, and women over sixty, and women over seventy, and women over eighty.
I believe that love still exists for men over thirty, men over forty, men over fifty, men over sixty, men over seventy, men over eighty. I believe that love can come to you at any time. And I believe as someone who is single, I gotta be honest, like I get really discouraged. I do. But what I know for certain is that God don't make no mistakes. So the Bible is to me a book, a guide book, and it's a book of stories and fables and parables and
things of that nature. And I know it's a book in there or a story in there about somebody that either got married when they was old or had a baby when they was old. I think somebody had a baby when they was like ninety or something or old whatever. I don't know how old it was. Maybe her name was Ruth's. Might be making that up, but I think I'm right. I'm saying that to say the story is there for a reason. We can find love at any age.
I fundamentally believe that I'm gonna find love. Maybe it's gonna be at forty four, maybe at forty five, maybe at forty eight, maybe at fifty two. I don't know, But I do believe that God has somebody for me, and when it's time, and when God thinks that I'm ready, I'm gonna meet him and we're gonna be togevil So maya. I believe that love can still exist for anybody at
any age. Just because you ain't got love, or you think you ain't got love and you thirty thirty five, forty forty five, fifty, that don't mean you don't have it. A lot of times that season of solitude that I talk about a lot on the show, and my best friend and I talk about this all the time, that people get into relationships with other people without going through a season of solitude and their relationships be real fucked up. Until you go through a season where it's just you,
it ain't nobody with you. Is you in the morning? Is you in the evening? Is you in the afternoons? You in the midnight hour? Is you in the shower? Is you in the bed? Is you in the kitchen? Is shoe in the car? Is you on the trips? Until you go through that season where the only person that's left is you and you are forced to love yourself,
you ain't really ready to love nobody else. That's why some of your relationships be so fucked up, because y'all just jumping from like hopping around like a little kid from one relationship to the next and never taking any time to really do the critical work on yourself to make yourself better to be in a position to be with someone else. That's all a season of solitude is
really about. It could be four weeks, it could be four days, it could be be four months, it could be fourteen years, But whatever it is, you've got to go through it, and it looks different for everybody. So yes, I do believe that love still exists for women over forty because I'm forty four, and I know God got somebody out there for me, and he bet to be special. He got to be special if he gonna be with me. So I hope that answers your question. Maya, I'm good luck, sist,
because I know it's rough out there. It's hought out here for a pimp when you're trying to get this money for the rent. I know that for a fact, So good Luck, invite me to the wedding when you meet him here. Invite me to the wedding. Maya. Bye, all right, friends in him for today's we got to do better. I am reading for the last time in season four from the book The Hand of My perse Bible black liturgies, prayers, poems and meditations for staying human,
and the author is Cole Arthur Riley. She has a sister. She's adorable. She is in her thirties and a powerful and prolific and eloquent writer. And I am going to say that she is going to be a guest on handing my purse in the future. I'm gonna go ahead and put that out there. I'm reading today from I really feel like I'm reading like a Bible, but I'm reading from the section on justice, and I'm reading the prayer for those taught to believe in scarcity. Abundant God
remind us that there is enough for us. We are grateful that the earth we have been entrusted to care for is one of beauty and provision. We have all we need. Revealed the hypocrisy and corruption of the privileged in a world of men who have more than it would ever be humanly possible to spend, we have let entire countries starve and thirst, often because we have stolen
the resources of their own sacred lands. Protect us from the myth of scarcecity sold to us by white capitalism, which tells us we must fight for scraps because there is not enough. Rid us of the lie that the only way to contentment and survival is to sacrifice our bodies in work and toil. Expose the deception at work in our financial systems and economic processes, and help us tell new stories of what business and compensation might look
like in a just society. Give us an imagination for a cultural A culture excuse me, that leverages its resources for the protection of the vulnerable human creature and land, convict the overprivileged and wealthy to rend their own dignity and self actualization from their possessions and let those living in scarcity be reminded that there is enough for them. May they feel no guilt in claiming it. Ahmen, listen, this girl be right and you understand me. Who hallelujah,
hallelu hallelu to that prayer one time for your holy mind. Okay, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, go get that book. If you don't have that book, let's end this all on this note. Go get the book. I'm gonna link it in the show notes. Okay, that's what I'm gonna do, Gonna link it in the show notes because you need to have it. Okay, get it.
I love y'all. The first thing that I would like to do is say thank you to God first, because God is supreme in my life and I recognize, appreciate, and am grateful before the grace and the mercy and the dignity that God extends to me every single day of my black ass life. I want to say thank you to me as well, because, like I said before, I bust my ass. Okay, I want to thank me. I do. It ain't no secret I do. I want
to thank you too, though. I really want to thank you guys, To each and every one of you that have been with me consistently since twenty twenty, I appreciate you from the bottom of my heart since March the first of twenty twenty. Thank you. I truly appreciate you guys for being here. And if you just started listening to handing my purse to this day, I mean on this day, excuse me, I thank you for that as well. I'm grateful either way you cut it up. I'm grateful
for my family. I could not have gotten to this place without my family. I'm grateful for my friends. I could not be here and be in this space without my friends. I'm thankful to all my friends, and I can all of my supporters, and of course, because support looks different coming from different people, and support is not just listening to the show, and of course, because support could just be you telling your friends about the show, and of course, or support could be excuse me, you
leave in a review or rating for the show. I really appreciate it. If you did that, that would be great, that would be very supportive of you. But most importantly, every single one of you guys that listen. I love you guys so much and It's such an honor and a blessing for me to share my time and energy with you, and for you to reciprocate and keep coming back and spending your time and your energy with me. And I look forward to the next time that we
get to do this with one another. And I can't quite tell you when that's going to be, but we are going to get to do this with one another again, I promise. Now, before you exit out of whatever streaming service you're using to listen to this, stop what doing if you haven't already done, so look for the subscriber follow button. Please click on it so you can stay up to date and you know when I'm getting back in the game. And if that's an option on your
streaming service where you're listening, just make sure you do that. Next, I want you to go over to Instagram and follow me because I'm able to be much more active on Instagram because it's summer and I don't have to worry
about output. So go over to Instagram and follow me at hand me my Purse Underscore podcast, and follow me on threads because I be popping on threads like in real life, and you can find me on threads by way of my Instagram profile and find me at hand Me my Purse Underscore podcast on Facebook just search hand Me my Purse podcast. If you're listen on a streaming service or medium that allows you to do so, please take time two to three minutes. I promise that's all
it takes. Do it when you go to the bathroom, when you take a booboo, just go rate my show. Review the show please, or give it a thumbs up if you can. You can do that on Apple Podcasts. You can leave a message for me on Spotify as well, and I want to say on Stitcher you can do that as well. Friends, and can be sure to share Handy my Person with your friends, your loved ones, and even your enemies. Because the best way for people to find out about this show is by you guys telling
them all about it. So tell a friend to tell a friend to tell a friend. Please submit your questions for the straight Fact segment by clicking on the link in the show notes that says submit a question for straight Facts, or click the link in my Instagram profile and look for the button that directs you to submit a question. Who knows your question may be featured in an upcoming show in season five. Also, remember that show
notes are always available in the episode description. Wherever you're listening to Hand Me my Purse, be sure to take a look at the show notes because that's where I put all the links with all the stuff that I mentioned in the show, in addition to any additional information that I want to share with you guys, So be sure to look at the show notes. Also, just so you know, the music for Him and My Purse is
provided by none other than Baltimore's Zone West Baltimore. To be exact, be e zach, excuse me, West Baltimore's own Gloomy Tunes. Shout out to Gloomy Tunes. And last but not least, I want to give another big old shout out to Evan and Taylor, my producers, and together we make up Rando Banjo and the Dirty Throats. I look forward to you looking forward to listening to Him in My Purse the podcast whenever you want to, and staying tuned for when I come back for season five. Until then,
I'm out this bitch in peace. Hand Me My PRIs is a production of iHeart Podcasts. For more shows from iHeart Podcasts, visit the iHeartRadio, app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.