Hand Me My Purse is a production of iHeart Podcasts. So I'm on Lisa Bonet's Internet and shout out to Lisa Bonet for letting us know that it's okay black girl to be a little bit different. Anyway, I'm on Lisa Bonet's Internet and I read this and it's from Young Pueblow, which is where I get a lot of these little introductions. It says there's an attractive vibe that
people who are willing to grow emit. Even if you are just starting on your journey, being comfortable with the fact that you are imperfect and are ready to move beyond old limits gives off a special energy that calls in emotionally mature people. Think that's the truth. And let me tell you something. I'm gonna add to that, Young Pueblow. Keep growing and watch what Happenstill are.
To leave your life.
And you know, as I say that, I think about some of the people who have left my life for whatever reason, or people that I'm not as close to anymore. And it's okay. First and foremost, it's okay. You know, it's not It's not that I don't it's not even that I don't miss them because some.
Of them I really missed some of them. I had to grieve.
The loss of them as if they left this planet. But the truth of the matter is that as you grow, as you heal, and you continue on your healing journey, people are going to fall off and fall away, and that is okay, and it's normal. It's perfectly normal. It's a part of the rebirth process. As with all animals. It's like shedding an exoskeleton. People are going to fall away. Habits are going to fall away, and it is perfectly okay.
I can't see the thing. It okay. What's up, y'all?
Welcome to hand me my pursa podcast. I am Mimi Walker, and I will be your forever host each and every single time you tune into this podcast. So go ahead and get comfortable. Get yourself a glass of your favorite beverage, whether that's orange, Gatorade, prosecco with your favorite prosecco, whatever that is, with some guava nectar in it.
That sounds good to me.
It's like a spin on a or a different take on a mimosa, some prosecco or even champagne with some guava nectar or some hot chocolate with some white rum ooh ooh, keep the marshmallows, top it with some whipped cream and go like yourself a candle, some incense or burn some sage and just get yourself ready to chill
out and have a good time. What's up, friends and can It's me and me, Resident Auntie Supreme here at hand me my purse and I am sipping on some mint majesty tea with peach juice from you guessed It Starby. I decided to go back to my summertime regimen of going to do any work related to hand me my purse as Starbucks, and I got myself a delicious hot tea with some peach juice. It's cold in a mug outside, and you know, after work, I immediately went home because
I got some stuff for pre Prime Day. And I got home only to realize that somebody stole my fucking Amazon package. And when I tell you, she is fuming, she is fuming.
Who is she? I am? She?
She is me? And let me tell you something. I hate a fucking thief. I hate people who steal because it's low to think that it's okay for you to take something else that somebody worked hard for because you're sorry ass, can't get it for yourself.
Figure it out. It's so low. It's so low. Anyway, I said, let me get.
Out of here and go do some work, and boom. I ended up at Starbucks, which is my bomb and gilliad and I just want to say thank you to Starbucks for bringing some joy to my otherwise wampay wampus ass day. I also got a local Starbucks treat, which is it was so good. It was a sweet potato cupcake and it was effing delish. Again, I want to say thank you to stars, Starbucks, my friend. You continue to bring me joy and then not so joyous time. And you know, I can smell y'all judging me over here.
I can smell y'all over there judging me, and I don't care because I like Starbucks. And no, they're not paying me for this. Should they be paying me for this? Apps a fucking lutely, but you know what, they aren't, and I think it's but you know, hopefully one day they'll say, you know, this chick says our name so many times, you would think we go together because we do Starbucks. We go together, real bad, we go together real, real,
fucking bad Starbucks. We is together and we is in a relationship whether you know it or not, and it's you know, I give you too much money. You know, now that I'm thinking about this, maybe it's not a healthy relationship. Either way, We're not going to do this right now.
The stuff.
So first again, today's jam is a song that I have loved.
When did this come out? Let me just do a little looking real fast.
The cham is by se Lo Green and once upon a time I loved me some se Low Green. Okay, loved him and I loved his music and I was a big fan.
Okay.
The song is actually called love Gun and it is from his album The Lady Killer. Well, how interesting that is. But anyway, the album came out in twenty ten, and it was so good.
It was so good. The album was amazing.
And actually I loved Selo's first three albums, and I mean I love them a lot. It's a lot of gems. That second album was a It is a classic. Shout out to my friend Kiya. Me and Kiy used to run that album in the ground back when I was a hot girl and we used to go out four to five times a night. That's probably why my knees are bad now. But anyway, the song is called love Gun and it is by see Low featuring someone named Lauren Bennett. Don't really know who Lauren Bennett is. I
don't really care who she is, but sis came. I mean, I don't know who she is, but either way, she came to set the song on fire. And the song opens with the sound of a gunshot, and she just goes right into it. And when I tell you it's hot, y'all gonna listen to it, y'all gonna hear it in a second. I don't really feel with se Low like I used to, because he has made some bad choices and said some wild shit out his mouth and done some willd shit, particularly to his partner or his wife.
I don't know if they're still marry, because when I disconnect, I disconnect. I'm a Libra shout out to Libra's because it's Libra season and my birthday is in less than seven days. Happy birthday to me. This is my birthday episode. Actually, what the song should have been Happy motherfucking Birthday, but it's not. It's Love Gun by sel shut out to my birthday. But the song just comes out the gate, just on fire, So I'm not gonna do a whole
lot of talking. Also, you know, se Lo, I'm sad that I had to break up with you because I love Goodie Mob. I love ce Lo. I just don't understand why, you know whatever, it doesn't matter. Get into this song. Check it out. It's hot, right, it's not. Go ahead and listen to the rest of it. You know the song is gonna be in the show notes, It's no question about it. But I know you was bobbing your head and if you weren't, go listen to the rest of it so you can get into it.
I just love I love the way the song comes on, like it comes on like get into this. You are gonna love it. There's no way that you can't, and maybe you can. But if you can't and you don't like it, you know, I just question who you are as a person. If you know about anything that is good, righteous, and wonderful.
How about that?
Anyway, let's go ahead and get this what Poorty stored it? Yeah, so friends in can today I want to talk about something that I am personally working on.
Did that sound right? Didn't feel right?
Coming out of my mouth personally working on and some would say that this isn't really the smartest idea or the smartest concept. But when you have lived most of your life as I have, holding on to people, holding on to memories, ideologies, energy, vibes, concepts, thoughts, and so many unnecessary things that you don't need to, I think that this is quite the genius philosophy and a genius move for me to move into trying to practice this philosophy.
And this concept is the concept of detachment. Okay, I am but a babe in this. I'm working on it, which is why I'm sharing it with you because as I am doing things, I want to share with you because I don't know who it could benefit or who it could help, and you know it makes sense. I'm gonna tell y'all because I'm learning about it. So detachment is a noun, and it says that it is a feeling of emotional freedom resulting from a lack of involvement
in a problem or situation or with a person. The next definition says objectivity, that is the ability to consider a problem on its merits alone, also called intellectual detachment. I've also found that it says it is freedom from self interest or bias or disinterest, the act of disengaging or separating something, and the condition of being disengaged or separated disconnection. So there are a lot of different paths
when it comes to discussing detachment. A Buddhism, which is where the concept was originally born, basically teaches that nothing in this life is permanent. So basically the philosophy is leading us to understand or no understand that there's no reason to become heavily attached to people, places, things, or even memories because all of them are fleeting and nothing is permanent. And if you think about it, it's not okay not to be dark, not to get dark, but
nothing is permanent, including us. And people can say, well, your memories are permanent, yeah, kind of, but we're not. So when we go, our memories go. They may remain on the earth, but all the people here that would have experienced the memory are not here permanently, so they're going to go. And when everybody who experienced the memory goes, it's not here anymore unless you have a photo, which can also not be permanent because someone could lose it.
It could burn in a fire, someone could tear it up, or someone could be addicted to drugs and take it to their new house, and then someone ransacked the house where they living they are living in. All of your family's photos can be destroyed, and you don't have any visual recollection of your family on this side. And I am speaking from experience that happened to me, so you know nothing is permanent, and that is that's some real life shit.
Anyway.
This does not, under any circumstance, mean that you don't care, or that you are apathetic, or that you aren't connected to the people, places, and things and memories that you've experienced or in your life. Nor does it mean to develop some inhumane form of apathy, because some people can be ridiculously apathetic. It just means that we don't need to have an attachment to the outcomes or results that these things may be connected to in our brains. Right,
there's a freedom in not being connected to outcomes. And this does not mean that we don't have goals or that we don't have ambitions or even desires in our heart. It just means that we don't have to be attached to the outcomes or the results. I read somewhere on Keisha Knight Pulliam's Internet that detachment does not mean that you don't have intentions. It just means we don't have
obsessive interests in the results. And this is not an easy concept to really grasp, especially when as a society we are all taught to be intentional about the result. This is at the root of competition. And you know, I've been thinking about competition a lot lately, and just like why people are inclined to feel that they need to compete with other people? Like, what is that about? And I realized that we are all raised, bred, and fed the belief that the only way to be successful
is to beat other people. Right, But if we sit in this and look at it closely, it's going to start to unravel. And so this idea around detachment calls for us to unlearn what they say is innate in humans and even in some animals as well, Right, and maybe it is. Maybe it is innate in us, And maybe it's innate in us because we have continued the
behaviors of you know, our ancestors. Ancestors, you know, the cavemen and hunter gatherers or you know whatever, or dinosaurs or whatever, like whatever mice, amiba's skeletal things that crawled.
Around the earth. Maybe so, and maybe we're just carrying that on.
But we have to unlearn this, right and we what that is is that we have to unlearn the desire to compete and to win while someone else is gonna lose or while someone else loses. And truthfully, if we really think about it, we can win and guess what other people can win to And I personally believe that strong attachment to competing with others it's connected to some form of insecurity. It has to think about it. Why are you concerned about what someone else is doing if you aren't focused on you?
Right?
You know, they say things like somebody's gotta win and somebody gotta lose, somebody's gotta lose. Why why can't somebody win and then somebody else win too?
Why?
Because life isn't set up that way? And why isn't life set up that way? Because it's not. Because that is human conditioning. That's how they keep us in a space where we are insecure and where we are feeling like we need to compete with other people to be our best self. And I just think that that's bullshit. As I get older, and this is coming from somebody who is who was, I'm not really anymore extremely competitive.
And I come from an extremely competitive family because we're taught that we have to be competitive and we have to be the best. But why, though, that's the question. Anyway, I don't know, because I'm not you know, I haven't unlocked that level of evolution yet. But anyway, like I said, why are you concerned about someone else winning or losing when you should really just be focused on your win? And the complete truth is that there's room for other people to win in addition to you winning.
It's enough room. This is a big, wide earth with a whole.
Lot of money and a whole lot of jobs, and a whole lot of everything, especial in twenty twenty three, It's enough room. In the words of Anti Simpak, baby, there's room.
In here, okay.
And as I started to think more about this, it just baffled me how there are so many structures in place and set up to continually just push that agenda onto us and into our brains. And it's really how the world functions in a space where our mindset is constantly focused on beating someone else or being better than someone else. Right, what about just being better than you, being better than you were yesterday or last week, or last month or even last year. Just focus on you
and your shit. This is actually a way to practice detachment, and we'll get into that later. But you are detaching from other people's outcomes because some of us are so focused and laser focused on competition and competing with people and being better than other people, that we are focused on other people's outcomes, not just ours, so focused on what other people do instead of what we do. And it kind of makes no sense when you really sit and think long and hard about it, actually, or doesn't
make sense to me, you know. And they're, like I said, there's so many structures in place, because think about it, like sports, singing competitions, dancing competitions, spelling bees, like what the hell? Like everything is a competition? Everything anyway. Like the question that I have is like, how do we get out of this? Not how do we get into it, but how do we.
Get out of it?
And truth be told, I don't know if we can get out of it, because it's just the way of the world, you know what I mean, It's the way of the world. We have a whole big event, the Olympics every four years that is all focus on competitions and focus on how all these countries compete against one another to see what country is the best.
When you really think about it, it's kind of silly. What was that I was gonna say? Did y'all hear that sound? Y'all ain't here with me?
Weird? It's weird, you know, because just because we win in the Olympics, that doesn't mean that, you know, we're the best. Just because Yugoslavia wins in the Olympics doesn't mean that they're the best nation. It just means that maybe they're the best. In Bob's letting shut out to cool runnings. Anyway, It's just a heavy thing to think about, you know what I mean. Like, the more I sat in it, the more I just thought like, this is crazy.
And the truth of the matter is that it's going to be a serious transformation to shift our mindsets to attachment.
But it seems like it.
Would lead to bliss, It would lead us right to unfiltered joy because it requires The reason there would be such a serious transformation is because it requires unlearning everything that we have been taught and everything that the world wants us to continue to believe is necessary for living a fulfilled life, and that ain't nothing but a whole
bunch of how bullshit. Detaching also can help us to focus on what we truly desire instead of worrying about what other people got going on and trying to beat them at their damn race, because we may realize.
I don't even want that shit.
Like when you really sit in some stuff and you really like, if you remove yourself, like step back and think, you might look and say, I don't even want this. A really really good friend of mine shut out to My friend, Lisa told me over a decade ago, well over a decade ago, when I was doing makeup full time and I was trying to hustle and bustle in New York, grind at hard, trying to live out my dream. At that time, she told me, write this shit down, run the race that you want to win. When she
said that to me, something happened in my spirit. And it happened and I didn't even I wasn't even aware of it. It did something to me, and I started to really sit in trying to figure out what exactly.
I really wanted what is my race? Right?
And I didn't really figure it out immediately. It definitely took me a while. And that's normal. It's all about evolution and being okay with where that evolution takes us and how and when we get there.
You did.
So Ever, since she said that to me a long long time ago, I've kept it with me and I've kept it close to my heart. And I mean when I get derailed and when I get to a place where I start to compare myself to others or feeling like I should be competing with somebody, because remember, these are normal, these are normal behaviors for human beings on
this planet. It's normal to feel like you should compare yourself and compete with other people because that is what the world tells us that we need to do to be great. Right, Whenever I get to that space, I have to remind myself nobody could ever be me, and I mean ever, nobody could do this. And when I say do this, I don't mean have a podcast, because
clearly they're millions and bazillions of podcasts. I mean nobody could ever be me me Walker, nobody and I could never be anybody else, nor do I have the desire to God did a thing when he made me, and God did a thing when he made you. And like I said, these feelings are normal because of the world that we live in. The world we live in perpetuates competition as a means of self worth and value. But again,
that is all pure, unadulterated bullshit. The truth is that the world is real fucked up, and it seems like things are kind of set up for us to not have true self worth and really believe in ourselves, to not believe that we are enough and that we are completely whole and fucking wonderfully made just as we are. So you got to find a way to reprogram our mindset and fight against everything surrounding us every single day,
and just thinking about that alone is extremely difficult. Like life is hard enough just living, but I got to reprogram my mind to not fall into societal concepts of not being good enough that the world pumps into my brain every day. Come on, man, that's aggressive, and I
don't think I need to give any examples. But for those who ain't picking up what I'm putting down, let's just look at the media, especially for women now for everybody, but especially for women and especially super especially for Black women. Our hair is too short, Our hair is too nappy. Our hair isn't polished enough. Our look isn't polished enough. We don't look professional because of our hair. We don't
look professional because of our bodies. Our butts are too big, our lips are too big, our thighs are too big.
Our skin is too dark. Our skin isn't dark enough. Like what what in the.
World is that there are complete conglomerates, complete Like.
The world is.
Sustained by the inadequacies that society pumps into our heads and have done so for centuries.
Like the world is set up for this.
And realistically, it's not solely about black women. It's not because everybody can catch the wrath of the media. Everybody. There's viagra, steroids, workout medications, relaxer's, tanning oils, creams, tanning creams, tanning salons, footbinding, wate trainers, bleaching cream, religious fundamentalists belief systems, spiritual fundamentalist belief systems. Because there is a difference. Friends,
the world is just a trip. Like And as I was preparing and as I was getting this episode ready, I was like man, I don't think I've ever really thought about it, like from the aspect of like competition and comparison and insecurity and how it I mean, clearly I knew, you know, you know, because you know you know, like you know, and it's obvious. But when I started to unpack it and peel the layers away, it was like god, damn, Like we can't win for losing, Like
ironically I said that, but like you can't, like you can't. Nobody, Nobody is good enough. I mean they you know, you think that, you know, they're the idea of who is good enough and what is good enough as far as society is concerned.
But they ain't good enough either.
They ain't good enough either, our girls saying good enough like Sylvester the Cat. But the question is how do we sever our connection to these concepts. That's the important question. I'm not an expert, but for me, I'm going to start with focusing on self love, acceptance, and detachment, because when you truly have love of self and for self, you accept yourself as you are and realize that you are good enough just as you are, like just as
I am. However, I come, I'm going to come as I am, and that this is what you're gonna get, and this is all I have, so all that I have, and I'm.
Okay with me just like this.
Does that mean you are just a loaf or who doesn't do anything, has no ambition, has no goals, and has no positive and intentions. No, you just understand that who you are, what you are, and how you are is good enough for this moment. You do know and recognize that there's always room for improvement and evolution and growth is essential for being your best self. And you focus on improvement and evolution and growth. But in the meantime, I love me and I accept me as I am,
even if I'm not where I want to be yet. Right, and as you navigate the space, you know your intention and your motivation going forward, or you know whether it's about how you choose to look, where you decide or you want to work, how you fall, how far excuse me, you choose to go with your education, the type of home you choose to create for yourself and or your family,
and anything and everything that you are choosing. Right how you navigate these things, your intention for how you navigate it should solely be related to you wanting to be your best self for you, not so that you can compete with somebody else, because you can't compete with somebody else at being somebody else. When you think about it, it's kind of silly, you know, compete with your yesterday, not with somebody today.
Period. Stick to the game plan anyway, when it comes to detachment.
There are different ways to work on this and learning how to do it. And I have a few people in my life that are what I like to call masters of this, okay, And I tease them and say, oh, you don't give a fuck about nothing, But the truth.
Of the matter is that they just know how to.
Not be concerned with things that don't that are none of their business or you know, I don't want to say none of their business, but if it's not important, it's not important. I don't even know if I want to say that. How can I explain what they do? Because it's not that they don't give a fuck. And I tease one of my friends, so good about it, and she'd be like that, don't say that I do give a fuck. But I think that they are not concerned with things that they don't need to be concerned
with because we also live in a society. It's particularly in our community where we are always involved in everything. My uncle he is ninety one, and he says, and everything but a pot of cabbage, And that's what it is. We in everything. How can you be in everything and be worried about you and take care of you and be your best self when you worry about what everybody else is doing?
Right?
So, I'm trying to study this concept and I watch people, the people around me that are really good at it, and so I struggle with it because of human conditioning and because I live in this world and on this planet, and I am really trying to work on it and get better at it. Because as I have gotten better with it, I'm telling you, it's like a It's like a burden is lifted off of you like that, you know how they say, like water rolling off a duck's back.
It's literally like that. I do it at work all the time now, right, because one of the masters of it is one of my friends that I work with. So at work, I find myself doing it and I'm like, Oh, that ain't got nothing to do with me. I'm not concerned about that, because what am I concerned about it, for if I can't do nothing about it, if I can't control it, it's nothing I can control. Oh no, I'm not gonna worry about that. Mmmm no, ma'am, get
somebody else to do it better? Yet, let me let me go ahead, and yes, indeed, no, I'm not going to be concerned about things that have nothing to do with me.
Anyway.
On Felicia Rashad's Internet, I read this about detachment. Detachment can best be described as a process of letting go. It allows you to release difficult situations and sometimes difficult people. Amen, Come on now, come.
On, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.
Ooh child, I'm gonna read that again, because you know I didn't read that when I was working on this, but.
Or maybe I did. I mean, I read it, but it ain't hit me like that.
Detachment can best be described as a process of letting go. It allows you to release difficult situations and sometimes difficult people. By detaching from past experiences and future expectations, you can look at your relationships, both personal and professional, more objectively, which gives you greater clarity. Holding onto an idea just because you have become attached to it creates anxiety. Once you detach from the desired outcome, you can stop worrying
about it. The truth is that most attachment is about control. Come on now, now, it's about to getting people business right.
Get ready.
The truth is that most attachment is about control, and control is an illusion. So it's better to get on with your life even when you don't get exactly what you want. Listen, this is telling me, This is talking to me. When you release your desire for control over the lives of others, it sets everyone free. Those endless hours of frustration could be turned into fruitful days of creativity.
Detaching is not always easy. You must learn that even when things go differently from how you think they should, it's okay. If you are in pain over a difference of opinion. It helps to understand why you would want what you want in the first place. If your motivation is one of selfishness rather than one of balance, you may need to take another look at the situation. I also read this, which is a way to help us understand how you can tell if you are attached.
It says.
When you are attached to an object, a goal, a dream, or another person, there are feelings that tell you if I don't have this, I won't be whole. These feelings can manifest themselves in anxiety, fear, anger, jealousy, hopelessness, sadness, disconnection, pride, or vanity. I found for us, not just for you, because remember I started this whole conversation off with this
is something that I am working on. So I've found for us, as I always do, some ways on how to focus on using detachment or finding ways to detach in our daily life. So let's get ready to check them out. I'm going to share them with you and listen to what we need to do to start our journey into understanding and implementing ways of detachment in our daily lives. First, observe your mind. That means you gotta you gotta get quiet because observation requires a lot of focus.
Observe your mind, pay attention to what is going on with you emotionally, spiritually and mentally. What emotions are you noticing and if there are any negative emotional patterns that you observe, they there may be an attachment there. So look, listen, smell, feel, and take it all in. If you can, you know what I'm gonna say, write it down. Get a journal. Journal it, write down how you're feeling. Pay attention to
see if there are some patterns there. Number two, distinguish between the voice of ego and the actual situation.
I love that. I found that.
I love that because there's a difference between your ego self and what's actually going on in the real world. Okay, because your ego as a motherfucker. And here are some examples that I found of what the ego might think versus some thoughts you can use instead to substitute those thoughts, those ego thoughts. With the ego may say I am a victim of circumstance. Instead try to change that thought too.
I create my own reality. The ego might say I am alive temporarily and that is scary, or I'm scared to die. Think instead, I am alive temporarily and that is awesome. Or my favorite thing, I have earned the right to die. Your ego may say I am in competition with the world. Instead think I am in harmony with the world. I love these examples. They make my heart smile. Number three, embrace uncertainty. You know I talk
about this all the time. My therapist pumps this shit into my head like the same way that the world pumps into our heads that we need to compete and compare.
Ourselves with everybody else.
The idea is that accepting uncertainty is the only security that we need. Also, it's the only security that there is. The truth is, we don't really control much. And I say that all the time on this show. When you think about it, we don't really have a lot of control period. Our good friend de pac Troper said, those who seek security in the exterior world chase it for
a lifetime. Come on now, preach preacher. By letting go of your attachment to the illusion of security, which is really an attachment to the known, you step into the field of all possibilities. This is where you will find true happiness, abundance, and fulfillment. I don't know about you all, but I want true happiness, abundance and fulfillment in my life. That's what I want. Number four Meditate. I'm always support this. You already know I'm going to own No, I'm stay home, listen.
I was in the gym this morning. Is still going to the gym, SI get it around, Still going to the gym, and I got.
A personal trainer.
But Anyway, I was in the sauna today and everybody left out, like you know, I was in there by myself. Oh, I was in there med dictating. I was owning home. I was like, if somebody walks in here, they gonna think that I'm some kind of psycho.
I didn't care. I was meditating, and I'm.
Not about to sit here and run down the whole bunch of meditation practices because I talk about this shit on like every other goddamn episode I talk about meditation. Go listen to some other episodes. If you don't want to do that, google different meditation practices. There are so many. I talk about them all the time. Do the work. You gotta do some work, start a healthy practice for yourself. It's important moving forward. Number five, try to live more
in the present moment. You know, a lot of these things that I'm reading are things that we talk about a lot here on him in my purse. Living in the present definitely stops you from sitting in the what ifs of life, and realistically, that ain't nothing but attachment.
What ifs ain't nothing but you gotta.
Let go of that which isn't of or part of the right now worries, regrets, they're not relevant to what's going on today and in this moment. We can't change it at this point. So just slow down, slow down, and focus on what's right in front of you. Focusing on what if and what could be and maybe and should it, would have, could have, we end up missing
out on the beauty of this very moment. And there are so many beautiful moments sitting right under our nose, and we miss so many of them because we're looking behind us or we're focused on what's way ahead of us. Just be right here, right now. And lastly, don't beat yourself up. You deserve kindness. You deserve it from the world. But most importantly, and I mean this, this is the
absolute most important thing for you to remember. You deserve kindness and grace and mercy and gentleness from you because how you treat you, and how you talk to you, and how you talk about you, and what you say to you, and what you say to other people about you, and what you think about you, those are the most
important things in this world. And realistically, why would anyone else think highly of you or think of treating you with loving kindness and gentleness and grace and mercy if you don't even have it for your damn self, Like, seriously, be nice, particularly to yourself. Okay, friends, again, I know sometimes the stuff that I say sounds foreign. Sometimes it sounds foreign to me as well, you know, and sometimes I'll be saying and I'd be thinking what the fuck.
But realistically, I am really focused final familiarity. I'm trying to restore my community, just like Marshawn Lynch. And it's all about awareness, you know, because when we're weird, then we can evolve because then we know, and knowing is half the battle that was for all my gen X friends out there.
Y'all be good. I love y'all.
Okay, friends and ken for today's straight fact's question. It is coming from Charlotte, North Carolina, and I'm gonna go ahead and get into it for you. Hey, Mimi, my name is Kayla, and I need to know if I'm being petty. I show everybody love on social media, family, friends and strangers.
I really am a.
Cheerleader for the people I follow on social media. Sounds like you have a lot of time on your hands, Kayla. Anyway, However, I noticed I don't get the same love back she's probably a millennial. Every time my best friend posts a status, a meme, or anything, I'm always showing her love by either liking the post or commenting. After my daily scrolls on social media, I have noticed that my best friend never likes her comments on anything I post, but she
is always under the post of other people. I've even seen her wishing Rihanna a happy birthday, but when my birthday comes around, she is quiet.
Am I wrong for feeling some type of way?
Kayla from Charlotte, Kayla, maybe your friend is busy, maybe she feels like she doesn't have to do that because you guys are friends in real life and this is not to gate to negate. Excuse me your feelings, because your feelings are valid and your feelings are important. But sometimes we have to differentiate social media life with real life.
And if she's a good friend to you in real life and on your birthday, you guys do things, or she calls you on your birthday or text you on your birthday, or you guys go to dinner for your birthday, not necessarily on it, but you guys spend time together. So to fuck what if she doesn't text, I mean, doesn't comment on your posts, like sometimes when your friends in real life, like, you don't have to do that, it shouldn't matter. And if it does matter, you got
to look at that. What's that about? And another thing?
Boom boom boom boom boom boom.
Here we go tell her communication. Every question that I get on straight facts, it all leads back to the same road communicating.
Did you tell her that it bothers you?
Did you tell her that you noticed that she doesn't comment on your posts, but she commented on Rihanna's and said have your birthday? Also, Kayla, I got to ask you this, why are you so particularly focused on where she is commenting and posting? It's a little obsessive. What's that about. Let's look at that, let's unpack that, Like why are you checking for everything she posts and comments on?
I just don't know. I just think that if she's a good friend in real life but she doesn't comment on your stuff on social media, it's okay, it's all right, and it's okay, but it's also okay if you feel a way about it. But I think the mature thing to do would be the way the reality of the situation. If she shows up for you in real life. If she's a good friend to you in real life, all right, nobody's perfect. All right, she not commenting on the post.
It's cool. Find a friend, find a social media friend who will make friends with somebody on social media that will if that fills you up in some kind of way, or just let her know. But I can promise you if one of my friends told me that, I would look at them like, is you crazy? I would literally look at them like, girl, by.
Ain't nobody got time for that.
We're going to go to brunch and you worried about a post, were about to go go get Mimosa drunk, and you talk talking to me about a post?
Kayla? If I could be honest, I just feel like, you know, you's got some souls searching to do. That's all. That's all. I got.
Soul friends in con for today's We Got to Do Better quote. Let me tell you something I learned so much doing this podcast. I found the quote, and the quote is from a gentleman named Kelly Miller. Kelly Miller, I'm gonna read this from Wikipedia. Kelly Miller was an American mathematician sociologist. Essays newspaper columnist.
Author.
Excuse me, I always want to say Arthur author and an important figure in the intellectual life of black America for close to half a century. He was known as the barred the Potomac. When I saw this quote, I have a book that I get a lot of these quotes from, and it's just a book about of black quotes, you know, inspirational black quotes or whatever. And when I saw this quote, I was like, oh, I love it so much.
I picked it. I'm not gonna lie.
I thought Kelly Miller was a woman because it said Kelly Miller and it said educator. Those are my own biases, right. Come to find out it was this man who's a freaking genius. He went to Johns Hopkins. He went to Howard first. Then he went to Johns Hopkins University, and he went to Howard University School of Law.
Check this out.
First of all, we out here in the DMV we winning. So then I clicked on him and then I, you know how they have it on Google where it says about I clicked on his spouse. His spouse was a woman named Annie May Butler. That was her.
Maiden name.
She was from Baltimore City. Look at this, Look at this. I done found somebody. It doesn't led me to Baltimore. Come on, Baltimore greatness, Come on now. Annie May Butler Miller and she was the daughter of William and Annie E. Carr Butler. She was an educator in Baltimore County, Maryland, and Washington, d C. And she was the vice president of Washington d C's YWCA. Also, like I said, the widow of noted Howard University professor doctor Kelly Miller. Look at that, I don't learn stuff.
I love it. I love it.
Here at handy my purse. Anyway, further, we got to do better.
Segment.
The quote is from doctor Kelly Miller, and it says, when reform becomes impossible, revolution becomes imperative.
Get into it for a seconds.
When reform becomes impossible, because sometimes there may be times when you know it's not gonna happen. Revolution becomes imperative. And you can take that when it comes to talking about the world, or you can also look at it from your own perspective. When you can't change, you know, when you feel like you can't change, that means there
needs to be a revolution. When it ain't no bending, when it ain't no changing, when the shit ain't gonna change, you need a revolution in your life or a transformation. It's a revolution of evolution of transformation. Something got to give. And when there can't be small changes right or small bends or small shifts, you need some big boom, you need a big boom. Thank you, doctor Kelly Miller. I personally needed that for myself. I appreciate you. Shut out
to doctor Kelly Miller. The first thing that I want to say is thank you to God, because God is supreme and I recognize and appreciate the grace that God extends me every single day.
Of my black ass life.
I want to say thank you to my people, to each and every one of you that have been rocking with me since day one, ever since March the first of twenty twenty twenty twenty twenty twenty, like Tony Tony Tony shout out to Raphael Sadig, his brother Dwayne, their cousin Timothy.
Shout out to Tony Tony Tony.
Okay, sorry about that anyway, thank you and I appreciate you.
I truly appreciate you guys for being here.
And even if you just started listening today, or if you started listening in June, or you started listening in August, or you started listening in August of twenty twenty three, that is this, That was this all this wasn't it. Either way, I'm thankful. I don't care how long you've been listening. I don't care if you just listen to the first fifteen minutes. I'm still appreciative. I'm thankful for
my family. I'm thankful for my friends, my friends and Ken, all of my supporters, and of course, most importantly, every single one of you guys out there listening. I love y'all so much, and it is nothing short of a privilege and an honor for me to share my time and energy with you, especially if you keep coming back to spend time with me. I look forward to the
next time that we get to do this with one another. Now, before you exit out of whatever streaming service you're using to listen to this, stop what you're doing, and if you haven't already done so, look for the subscribe or follow button. Click on it if that's an option on the streaming service where you're listening.
Next, I want you to go over to.
Instagram and follow me at Handy my Purse Underscore podcast. Also, if you want to follow me on Twitter, but I'm not really jamming over there, and on Facebook, just search hand Me my Purse podcast.
Let me say this, I have not really.
Been active on social media since about July, and that is because I've told you guys and share with you guys. I'm kind of in the thick of some grief. But I'm going to be back on social media. I'm going to figure it out, and I promise I'll be back and I'm going to come back and I'm going to do something different.
I'm going to do some different things on social media.
I just have to get my mind right and focus, and I just got to get some of this grief off of me because it requires a lot of attention. Social media requires a lot of attention and a lot of focus, and my attention and focus is right now on unpacking some of the grief that I'm dealing with as a result of losing my grandmother earlier this year. So just bear with me. I'm coming back. Just give me a second.
Okay.
Now, if you listen on a streaming service or medium that allows you to do so, please rate and review the show or give it a thumbs up if you excuse me, If you can, be sure to share hand me my Purse with your friends, your loved ones, and even your enemies, because the best way for people to find out about the show is by you guys telling them all about it. So tell a friend to tell a friend, to tell a friend to tell a coworker.
How about that?
Submit your questions for the straight Facts segment by clicking on the link in the show notes that says submit a question for straight Facts. Or go to my Instagram profile and click the link in the bio and look for the button in the lists of links that I have there for you. It's a beautiful neon pink color. Look for the button that directs you to submit a question for straight Facts. Who knows your question may be featured on an upcoming show. Also, remember that the show notes
are always available in the episode description. Wherever you're listening to the show, be sure to take a look at the show notes because that is where all of the links and any other information that I mentioned during the show that you might want to check out are there, in addition to some stuff that I just might want to share with you. Also, just so you know, the music for Handing My Purse is provided by none other than West Baltimore's own Gloomy Tunes. And last, but not least, I.
Want to give a big old shout out to my producers. Together we make up random Banjo in the Dirty Drinks.
I look forward to you guys, looking forward to listening to hand Me my Purse the podcast each and every Tuesday, and I'm out this bitch peace. Hand Me My Purse is a production of iHeart Podcasts. For more shows from My Heart Podcasts, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.