Hand Me My Purse is a production of iHeart Podcasts, So Friends and Ken on woop be Goldberg's Internet. This week, I was reading and I found something and it reads and it's so good. It's so good you might want to get a pen and paper and jot this down. So go ahead and hit pause so that you can do that.
It says.
A gentle reminder, you will never hear another person's voice more than you hear your own. Be intentional about the way you talk to yourself. That is so good. I'm gonna read it for you again. And usually I find these on threads, and I follow a lot of inspirational, motivational meme dealers, okay, because they be shelling it out like dope. It says, one more time for your mind, just in case you lost it, or you lost me,
or you didn't get a pen. A gentle reminder. You will never hear another person's voice more than you hear your own, so be intentional about the way that you talk to yourself. Man, listen, this episode is about to get real, so buckle up, Buttercup, because we're about to go on a ride. I can't see the path that Okay, what's up? Y'all welcome to hand me my purse the podcast. I am Mimi Walker, and I will be your forever host each and every time you tune into this podcast.
So go ahead and get comfortable. Grab yourself a glass of your favorite beverage, whether that's a prickly pair margarita, and that I need to let you guys know, is absolutely delish if it's made with skill and love or some high sea fruit punch, which is the shout out to high seafruit punch. You know, I don't drink it that often.
I had it.
I went to California for my cousin's wedding and me, my little brother and my little cousin Lindsey, who was a friend of the show. We ordered some wingstop. I'd never had wingstops. A little story in between during the greeting, and the wingstop was horrible, and my cousin and my brother, my little brother Isaiah, swore up and down that no, you got to stop another chance, because this is not a good representation of what it tastes like.
But I'm gonna tell you what.
Was, as the kids say, busting that high seafruit punch. I forgot how delicious it is. Don't drink it on a regular basis, maybe have it once every other year. But it was delicious, I'll tell you that much. It was absolutely freaking delicious. Okay, moving forward, grab yourself some high seafruit punch or a caramel apple spice from Starbucks. You know, it's fall and all of you pumpkin spice lovers are talking. I mean, the Internet is flooded with
pumpkin spice talk. I'm not a pumpkin spice gal at all, but I am a caramel apple spice girl from Starbucks. So go ahead and grab yourself one of those. Go light yourself a candle, some incense, or burn yourself some sage, and just get ready to chill out and have a good time. Although this episode is not very chill, It's got quite a bit of information, but you know what, all of my episodes have chill, So get ready to
chill out and have yourself a good time. What's up friends, again, it's Mimi resident Auntie Supreme here at hand me my purse and today I am sipping on water and that's it. Nothing fancy, just water today, friends. Why because I had my first session with a personal trainer at my gym. Yes, I did join a gym. I thought I told you all that, but maybe I didn't. Either way, My membership
comes with two free personal training sessions. The first session is all about getting to know the trainer, and it's like a consultation. It's a lot of talking. And y'all know Cis can talk. It's what I do, It's what I get paid to do. I'm a talker and I always have been. I tell y'all that all the time. I've been talking since.
I could talk.
Okay, the session was supposed to be thirty minutes, but it ended up being ninety minutes, not nineteen ninety an hour and a half. Because I like to ask a lot of questions because I need to understand. I have a serious need to understand, because that is how I process information. I need to understand it before I can actually process it. So I asked a lot of questions. During the ninety minutes, I learned so much. I did
this old body scan thing. I scanned your whole body, and I learned all about like the fat, the muscles, the water, the pounds, the ratios, the percentages, the resting metabolic rates. I learned all these things which was really helpful because I, even though I'm super creative, I definitely
learn in a very logical and practical way. So when I started seeing numbers and we started adding and subtracting, and I was like, okay, this now this makes sense when I could understand it that way from that perspective. But anyway, I did the body scan and I learned that I am fucking dehydrated.
Oh.
I was in complete shock and I was mildly devastated. But it's all good because you know, I have to say that the session has me kind of focused now on making some shifts in a different kind of way because I understand it in a much more logical and practical way. So I'm ready to get to it. My next appointment is next week and that's the workout session. So y'all pray my strength and the Lord.
Please Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, this is here.
Yeah. I just keep says lifted in prayer because I don't want this man to kill me. Actually, I do really enjoy working out once I finally get to the gym. It's getting me there that sometimes historically has been a struggle, but you know what, it's a new day. I'm on a new path. I have a new mindset and I'm ready to handle my business. So realistically, I ain't even tripping because I'm about to handle my scandal.
You get what I'm saying. You understand me? Oh yeah?
Friends and Ken, Today's gym is It's one of those songs that I just kind of get into when I get into it, and when I get into it, it's so motivational for me, but it may not be that way for everybody else. The song is a song from a sister that helps from the UK. Her name is Little Simms. She is a British Nigerian actress and rapper from Islington, London. And I don't know if you guys know about Top Boy on Netflix, but she plays Dushane's baby Mava on Top Boy. And if you don't know
about Top Boy, Top Moy, Top Boy, get familiar. Like I said, it's on Netflix. I love the show and if I could say so, it is some funny ass black men on that show, you know what I'm saying? Like it Watching that show made me say to myself, I gotta get to London because that's where my dude is. Like I know, that's where my man is. He waiting for me too.
But anyway, stick to the game plan.
Anyway, sister is killing the game right now. I really love her music, her sound, her energy like she's funky. She gives Lauren Hill vibes, she gives Missy Elliott vibes. But she's totally in her own lane. But this song right here, and I like a lot of her music actually, but this song right here is my jammy jam. And like I said, the song is called point and Kill and it's a situation. So I'm gonna stop talking about it. I want you to hear it. So go ahead and check this out.
This no feel no body, no body, no body?
Why don't kill as a kid say it's a bob.
I know you like it.
It's so good right This song is, like I said, it's what I listened to when I want to get in the zone. In the zone that I'm talking about is the zone that puts me in the mood to grind out for what I want. It's a song that makes me feel like I'm gonna hustle because I want this, you know what I mean? The zone that says I do what I want and I don't give a shit about what anybody else says or what anybody else has going on, because I'm going after what is mine, and abundance is mine, and it.
May not bring that out of you. You may not.
You may listen to this and be like, what is she talking about? But when I hear this song and I listen to it, and I listen to the chorus point and kill if I want it, it's mine. You can't stop me. Hey, listen, that's that laser focus. I just I just imagine seeing like, you know, the guns like Tony Montana used to have with the laser beans. I don't know what they're called, because I don't like guns. Guns freak me out. But it is the song that I listen to when I want to zone, when I
want to hone in. Excuse me, when I get into the zone and I want to hone in on a specific goal and I want to go hard.
Go listen to it. And of course you already know the video.
Oh my god, the video is fucking amazing. It's some black, excellent, African, beautiful, nostalgic, colorful shit.
Going on in the video.
The linkers in the show notes, go look at the video. Now go just go right now, but then make sure to bring your ass back and listen to the rest of the show. But go look at the video and check the song out. I want you to do that. Go ahead, and then just make sure you come back so you can listen to the rest of the show because it's pretty interesting. Ye all right, So friends and
can let's get into it. Okay, I'm gonna be really transparent in this episode, like I'm gonna be a little vulnerable with you guys, which is not new, I've done that. But I'm gonna be transparent and I'm gonna be transparent about where I am in this moment right now. If you have been listening to Hand Me My Purse since its inception, then you know that around September ish Sis gets a little bit of the blues, and that is for several reasons. There are a lot of not a lot,
let me stop. There's a specific date in the month of September that is very triggering for me, and God bless my best friend. She always tries to help me out around that date to make sure that I am you know, busy or you know, doing something that brings me some peace or that excites me or makes me happy. But it's not a major way to get around it, I guess. But I appreciate all the help and the support and the love and encouragement that I get around
that date. And it's not a heavy depression where like I don't want to leave my bed, or you know, I want to harm myself, or you know, I'm crying all day. But we always have to remember that depression can manifest itself in so many different ways, and it's just so many ways that you wouldn't even think about. Did you know that it can show up in ways that you would never even associate with depression. And I'll
get I'll get into that in a second. But after I've read some of these symptoms, I was like, uh, oh, I might be dealing with what I found out is actually a thing that I had never heard of, Okay, And so I also want to say that just because you may have some of these symptoms, or you may have one of these symptoms, that doesn't mean that you are dealing with depression. You may just have one of the symptoms and you'll see what I'm talking about.
But I know for me, I know me, I know my body, I know my mind. And so.
The thing that I was talking about, you know, I said to myself, like I said that I might be dealing with something that I didn't even know was a thing, Like you know, I didn't even know this was a thing.
And that, my friends, is hidden depression. Right. I'm sure you're thinking.
What in the world is hidden depression, friends, and ken is when someone works really hard to conceal their symptoms and to show the world that they are fine or a Okay, here's the funny thing about me, though, I'm not good at faking it, not at all. I mean, like people will ask me constantly, are you okay? What's wrong? You seem different than and it's like, let me alone, that's what I want to say. I don't say that, but in.
My mind, I'm like, let me the ark alone. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it's snort like that.
But people when they have hidden depression may appear to be high functioning at work and or in social situations, but behind closed doors sometimes they could very well be living with some of the classic symptoms of depression that you know, everybody knows of, you know, the land in bed, the not getting out of bed, the crime, the one to hurt themselves, you know, sleeping all day, there's so many, you know, so many, the crying, you know, all the
classic symptoms of depression. And just because you have hidden depression, that doesn't mean that you are suffering or dealing with the classic symptoms of depression. And that's hence the term hidden depression, smiling depression, or concealed depression. Yes, so, without further ado, now let's get into the nitty gritty. Let's look at what some of these hidden signs of depression look like. Okay, I'm gonna run them down for you.
Weight loss or weight gain, headaches. You might want to get a pin, Go get a pin, get your pin, get a pin. I'm gonna go ahead and pause it, and you get a pin, and I'm gonna.
Be right back.
Okay, hopefully you pause it and you got yourself a pen and paper, and you want to go ahead entitle this symptoms or hidden signs of depression, symptoms of hidden depression, weight loss or weight gain, headaches. Now, please the advised, just because you lost a lot of weight or gained a lot of weight, or you get headaches, sometimes that doesn't necessarily mean that you're suffering from hidden depression. Okay, so don't go running taking stuff and running with it.
Heart palpitations, back aches, digestive problems, extreme fatigue, sleeping too much or not enough, body aches and pains, nervousness, grief, misplaced anger, panic, working too much or being a workaholic, consuming too much alcohol or drugs, irritability, child, don't get me started about irritability and being moody. I don't know if it's hidden depression, paramenopause, or me just being a
moody es scorpio moon. Changes in your appetite, negative self talk, forced happiness, also known as toxic positivity, being extremely pessimistic or negative in decisiveness or difficulty making decisions, excessive worrying, and and lastly low sex drive, just to name a few. Oo,
Lord have mercy, shall please baby listen? When I looked at this list, I said to myself, since you might want to look into this a little further, okay, because I'm gonna tell you I have been dealing with, particularly in the month of September in August, about ninety five percent of these, maybe ninety percent of these, And we ain't even gonna get into the symptoms that we already know about that we mentioned earlier, like, let's not even
mention the major symptoms that get talked about all the time, the heavy hitters that are always associated with depression. However, as with lots of mental health conditions, depression is not a cookie cutter on a situation. This is why I wanted to share those other ways that it can manifest or that it can show up in our lives. And the reason that I'm bringing this up is because, in the words of the Weekend, I feel it coming. I
feel it coming, baby, I feel it coming. So I'm gonna try really hard to get in front of this. I told my therapists a couple of weeks ago. Shout out to my therapist. I told my therapists a couple of weeks ago that I feel weird, that something is off.
I could feel it.
And she asked me if I had been handling my business when it comes to self care and being intentional, and guess what, I'm not.
Nope, this is not. I am not.
School started, cheer started, and I'm just in school, work mode, cheer mode. And then that made me think that I need to get back to myself at some point. I got away from me me right, and I just became focused on being an employee and working with kids and being a cheerleading coach in the host of a podcast. But I done got away from the essence.
Or the root, the root of me. Right.
All these things that I do are amazing things. I don't have a problem with these things. I'm grateful for all of these things in my life. I love all of these things. I really love coaching cheer. Does it get on my nerves sometimes?
Yes? Duh?
I really love my job. Does it get on my nerves sometimes?
Yes? I'm a human.
I really love my podcast. Does it get on my nerves?
Sometimes? Not? Really?
Actually, I'm still having a good time doing this. It's still a lot of fun to me and doesn't really feel like work. But I got to get back to me, right, the essence of me, like the root of me, the me that I am without work, without a podcast, without cheer, without being somebody's daughter, somebody's granddaughter, somebody's friend, somebody's sister,
somebody's niece, somebody's cousin. I got to just get back to me, like bare naked raw met And this is probably adding excuse me, this is probably adding to why I'm feeling off kilter and I'm just not really taking care of myself the way that I do when I'm fully focused and intentional about my self care rituals and routines, and so I am Yep, I'm going to get back to it. I just need to get focused and lock in on the ways in which I do care for me. I'm going to focus on joy, I'm going to focus
on peace, and I'm going to focus on gratitude. And after reading about these symptoms, I'm going to make sure that it's not the fake versions of joy, piece and gratitude, because sometimes folks be doing that. Okay, let's be clear. Sometimes folks be out here fake joyful, fake peaceful, and fake grateful. Okay, the fake fools, that's what they call. That's what I'm calling people, fake fuls, the fakefuls like
they be out here fronting. And if you listen to the show, you already know that when it comes to not being authentic or being fake or phony, like that shit makes me want a barf man, Like it literally makes me uncomfortable, Like I literally have a visceral reaction to being people are, especially people around me, being fake but when I feel like I cannot be my authentic self, like it does something to my physical person, my physical embodiment, Like it throws me off.
And I just really.
Don't understand how people can manage that, Like being phony. It costs too much, too much energy, too much time. It just costs too much. And people be out here doing the most and getting the least back from what they put out into the world.
I don't get it. But whatever.
Now, what I want to do with you guys, is I want to share some information from the text from a book that my therapist shoutouts are my therapists gave me a while back. I'm going to share some quick tricks to instantly feel better.
Now.
I always talk about on this show all the different ways you can ritual lie as gratitude and ritualize self care and peace, and I talk about prayer and meditation and you know, ways to get back to your center and all those things. And there are things that you can do immediately, some of them and some of them take a little more work. But this text gives you some really cute quick tricks. Okay, this is like a cheat sheet, so you should already have a pen and
paper out. If you're driving, don't worry about it. Come back to it if you can. If you don't, come back to it, see if you can just remember some of them. It's real simple. It ain't heavy, Okay. So this is going to be a cheat sheet for you guys and for me shit, because I'm the one that I don't already made it real clear. I'm the motherfucker that's in it. Knee deep, in it, shut out to Parliament Funkadelic. Knee Deep is a song by Parliament Funkadelic,
and it was number one on the charts. I don't know if it was Billboard or what, but it was number one. I would I'm gonna assume it's the Billboard charts, number one on the Board charts when I was born in nineteen seventy nine. So let's get into these quick tricks. I'm gonna pause it. So actually I'm not gonna posit. Let's just I am gonna posit it because I care about you, just in case you didn't have a pen and paper before. Let's go, all right, friends and Kim,
let's get into it, all right. So these are some quick tricks to make you feel better instantly. Some of these I have never mentioned on this show because well, I didn't know. But I like them because they are not as intense as some of the ones that I may have mentioned before when I talk about ways to get back to yourself or whatever it is I'll be
talking about when I be talking. But I like this, And so the book says, when life gets stressful and you feel like you're losing your emotional balance, use one or more of these simple tricks to help you relax your mind and resenter yourself in an instant You know, here, especially in America, especially in twenty twenty three, we love instantaneous shit. So let's go one. Wash your hands and face,
and brush your teeth. The simple act of cleaning these parts of your body is both reinvigorating and relaxing and gives you that fresh start feeling that ain't no lie at all.
Think about it.
After you wash your face, brush your teeth, wash your hands, you do feel kind of fresh, like you start nowhere.
I love that.
Change your socks. It's an odd trick, but it works. Bring a change of socks to work if you need to, and change your socks midway through the day. You'll be amazed at how much fresher you'll feel. Call a close friend. Sometimes a quick conversation with someone you care about is just what you need to boost your mood. That ain't a lie. And I'm gonna tell you something. Before I started recording this episode, my best friend called me and we both you know, you know, we're women of a
certain age. We can be a little moody, but talking to her really cheered me up. Next, stretch. When you feel yourself getting stressed, get up, reach toward the sky, bend down and touch your toes. Twist your torso from side to side. Stretch it out. Go outdoors. I always talk about this one. Getting some fresh air outdoors is always a good way to rouse your senses and clear your mind. Take a light exercise break, do a few sets of jumping jacks to get your blood moving, or
take a walk. Even the slightest bit of exercise can reduce momentary stress and re energize your mind. And it'll send a little bit of dopamine to your brain. Get those dopamine fireworks popping up in your brain. That's what you need to do. Dress to feel your best. When we know we are looking our best, we naturally feel better. Listen to your favorite music. If it's not too much of a distraction, listening to your favorite upbeat music can be a great way to boost your spirits again. Another
dopamine booster. Take a few deep, controlled breaths. We talk about that all the time. Deep breathing helps reduce stress, a source of fatigue, and increases the level of oxygen in the blood. Techniques can be as simple as inhaling for five seconds, holding your breath for four seconds, and inhaling for four seconds. Maybe they mean four for four whatever. You can also try more elaborate techniques that require different positions.
Clear your stuffed nose. If allergies, hello, I hate my allergies, but whatever. If allergies have your sinus is blocked, you may be feeling more tired and negative. Rench your nasal passages with saline solution. Tell you something. This is a fucking truth. Okay, there's nothing like I have horrible allergies. I've had allergies that sucked since I as long as I can remember when I got put on to saline flushes. Some of y'all use netty pots. I ain't really with
the shits. I don't want the shit coming back off the other side of my nose. But I use a saline flush. Let me tell you something, When you can breathe out of both nostrils, you feel like a new human being after not being able to breathe. Clean your nose out. Also, your nose filters everything that you inhale in, all the hair in your nose and stuff like, just flush it out. Like, just clean your nose out with some saline. And if you don't have saline, clean your
nose out with some water. Get that dust and stuff out of your nose because it's old, it's old news. Get it out, Okay. Cook a good meal, even if you are by yourself, Preparing a tasty dinner, setting the table and treating yourself to a wonderful culinary experience will lift your spirits. Sharing it with someone you love or respect will make it even more nurturing. Walk listen. This
one is a situation walk away from energy vampires. Energy vampires are people who always have something to complain about or a problem that needs to be fixed, and they'll drain your energy by making you listen to them go on and on and on about their problems, or by giving them attention. Ain't nobody got time for that bull uh uh? Get the hell out of here with that complete and important piece of unfinished business. Today is a
perfect day to finish what you started. Few feelings are more satisfying than the one you get after an old burden has been lifted off of your shoulders. Work on something that's meaningful to you. Engage yourself in a personal project, or pull the trigger on doing something you've wanted to do for a long time but haven't yet had the resolve to tackle. This makes me think I should start
painting again. Maybe assist someone in need. When you make a positive impact in someone else's life, you also make a positive impact on your own. Do something that helps someone else to be happy or suffer less. We promise it will be an extremely rewarding experience. Next, think about your latest or greatest success.
This is amazing.
Think about it for at least sixty seconds. Taking in your success will help you reach it again and again. I love this. I'm totally gonna do this. Quite simply. It reminds you that if you've done it before, you can do it again. My ass needed to hear that today. Next act like today is already an awesome day. I do this on a regular basis. Research shows that although we think we act because of the way we feel, in fact, we often feel because of the way we act.
A great attitude always leads to a great experience. Notice what's right, amen, it's easy to overlook what's working. Take a moment to celebrate it and watch the positive momentum build. And lastly, take a moment to acknowledge how far you've come. We can all lose our feelings of self worth, especially when something goes wrong. The truth is that if you have done it before, you can do it again, no matter what it is. Listen, I love that. It was amazing,
that was lovely. I loved it so, friends, and can if you feel yourself experiencing some of the symptoms, or even that I mentioned earlier, the hidden symptoms, or even some of the heavy hitters. Of course, my first suggestion you already know is going to be to seek out professional help. Go see somebody who has some credentialing, some letters behind their name. Because I'm not a therapist, I don't ever pretend to be one. I am a therapist. I in a life coach. Although I've been considering it
but I'm not a therapist. I'm not a life coach. I'm just a check out here with some mental health issues, as we all are. Because I fundamentally believe that we all have some form of mental health. I believe that mental health is a spectrum, and that we are all at different points and places on that spectrum. I'm just a human and I'm on that spectrum too, and I am sharing information with you that I find as I am on my own journey to peace and unfiltered joy.
And if you think that you are living with or suffering from suffering with excuse me, depression, please go get some help. You deserve to have help help along your journey to get to the best version of yourself. You don't have to go it alone. You don't have to be alone trying to get to the best version of you. Some people think that, oh, if I'm working on myself, I got to do it by myself. You don't, You don't. There's nothing wrong with having a supportive village of people
around to help you along the way. I know, I don't. I have friends, I have family, you know. Let me tell you something. Those little kids at my job, they.
Get on my nerves.
But let me tell you something, sometimes they brighten my day and they don't even realize it. One of my coworkers, his nephew, goes to the school and he is a super duper little like goober.
Oh.
But something about that boy just brings me joy when I talk to that because he's such a little like Goober. Today, his best friend spent fifteen minutes telling me, Now, this boy's in the sixth grade. Black boy in West Baltimore spent fifteen minutes telling me about his favorite band that's called Riot and they are what did he say? He said, it's hard rock and electronica. But I don't think he meant electronica because when I listened to it, it didn't
really sound like electronica. But he told me about their song. His favorite song by them is Overkill. I'm actually gonna put it in the show notes. Shout out to that little boy. I can't say his name, but shout out to you, little boy. He's also a little dweb, a little goober. But they bring me joy because there's something about little black kids that just make my soul. It just makes my soul shine or smile in a very
shiny way. No, it makes my soul shine. I said that, right, I beam because it's like you, little goober, what are you talking about? And I love it and I love to see little Black hEDS is free to express and free to be whoever it is they want to be, not being some stereotype that somebody created. You know that they think they have to live up to. Let me tell you something, these little boys, they just live in
their best life. I don't think this little boy should be listening to this group because they do be cussing, but that's none of my business because he's not my child. But I just think that you gotta find the joy. You gotta find the peace. You gotta find the reasons
to be grateful. However you can, in the words of some wrapper, get it how you live, get in where you fit in, fine, figure out what works for you, okay, And that is why And how I know about maintenance in between, like my therapy sessions, because thanks to my therapist and her help along the way. Right, it's like you gotta like, you go to therapy, you do the work,
but you gotta have some maintenance. You gotta do something in the meantime between time and I don't know if my therapist knows that, but she is my mental health life partner.
We go together, real.
Bad, real bad. We go together, real bad. Shut out to Young Miami. Anyway, Friends and Ken, I want you to take care of yourself. I want you to listen to those quick tips for feeling instantly better than you were before you did the quick tip. I want you to focus on unfiltered joy, radical peace, and being hella grateful because That's what I'm focusing on. And I'm gonna get intentional, real intentional about I'm getting back to my center because I'm a little off kilter and I'm a Libra.
I'm also a scorpion and my scales are unbalanced. I gotta get back to it, and so I'm gonna focus on doing that. Take care of yourself, and I'm talking to you, but on some serious shit. I'm really talking to me first, right, I love y'all.
I do friends again for two days straight. Facts question.
This question is coming from a gentleman, a man, and it's very interesting. Let me just go ahead and get into it for you. Okay, Hi, my name is Aiden. I truly need your advice regarding a recent situation in my bedroom.
It's starting off spicy.
I'll start off by saying that I'm married to a great woman that truly loves me.
We have been married for three years.
We've always had great chemistry, both inside and outside of the bedroom. Recently, things have been a bit dry between us, so I decided to spice it up one night.
So one night, while we were making.
Love, I decided to test the waters. I started calling my wife derogatory names.
I don't know why. That's made me giggle a little bit. Sorry, friends, stick to the game plan.
She didn't seem faced while we were in the act. After we finished, my wife seemed to have an attitude.
You think.
I asked her why, and she says she felt a way about the names I called her during sex. I tried to let her know it wasn't personal. I just wanted to spice it up a bit, but she wasn't feeling it. Was I wrong or should she be more open minded? Aiden from Charleston, South Carolina, well aidan. What probably happened ISFE was probably in the mood boom boom boom, y'all was getting it, boom boom boom out getting it, and then all of a sudden you called her a name,
and she was like, what is happening? What is going on?
Okay?
And you looking like wait, I thought I was doing a good thing, and you know what, Aiden, I gotta be honest, you were. I don't think anything is wrong with wanting to spice up your bedroom business, your marriage bed. I've heard it called that in church before, when I went to church in high school, your marriage bed. There's nothing wrong with wanting to spice it up. But I think what was lacking on your part. It's always lacking
when people write in these questions communication. I think that you gotta be careful bringing something new and spicy to your marriage bed, or to your romantic bed or your sex life with a partner without including them in the decision, right, because it kind of comes across as a little self centered, and sex and intimacy should never be approached from a selfish or self centered or self absorbed perspective or approach or seen through that lens.
So you didn't do anything wrong.
The only thing that did not happen is that you did not include her in the decision, because what if you would have talked to her about it and she could have told you. No, I don't like that because it could have triggered her. It could have made her think about like you just never know people's story, you know what I mean. Like, I know this is extreme, but this is a trigger warning.
If she.
Saw or witnessed or knew about somebody being raped and being called names like that, like you just never know. So you kind of got to approach sex and intimacy and romance, specifically physical intimacy with a respect for the other person. Does that mean that you don't respect her, No, it just means that you didn't respect how she felt or how she may have felt about that part of spicing up the act.
So just next time, just talk to her about it. You never know. She might be really into some real.
Freaky stuff, like real freaky shit, but just talk to her about it, because that way she can say, yeah, no, that ain't really my jam or you know what, I'm with it and when you do it, giggle after or punch me in the ribs or you know, different people are into different stuff. But she might not have yucked your young if you would have just asked her first
or included her in it. So you didn't do anything wrong, but just remember that when it comes to being intimacy and sex with your partner, like you want to you want to have conversations and you want to have open communication about these things because people want to feel included. They want to feel like they parted a decision making and feel like they parted a party too. Don't be just springing stuff up on people. What if she just sprung something up on you, you were probably not like it.
What if she decided she wanted to drive candle wax in your booty crap and just didn't tell you.
You might not like that.
But if you would have, she would have talked to you about it, maybe you would have been a little more open to it. Just saying I was can I say just saying my brother, but I don't know if you're brother or not, but whatever, just saying homie, like, just include her. That's all. That's all I got. Sounds a little freaky though, sounds like it might be fun. Way friends and can for two days we got to
do better. I went to one of my aunties that I always go to, and that is my auntie, Tina Turner, the Queen of Black Buddhism, and she said, living a joyful life I found is not about trying to avoid the unavoidable. This is such a Buddhist mentality, like seriously once again. Living a joyful life, I've found is not about trying to avoid the unavoidable. Joy comes from summoning a strong life force to overcome problems from the smallest irritation to the biggest disaster. One more time, because I
stopped in the middle of the first time. Living a joyful life, I've found is not about trying to avoid the unavoidable. Joy comes from summoning a strong life force to overcome problems, from the smallest irritation to the biggest disaster. Thank you, Auntie, Tina, you black Buddhist queen. May you rest in paradise. I love Tina Turner. If you get a chance, watch that Tina Turner documentary. I want to say it's on HBO Max. I think it's on HBO Max. Watch it if you can. Who I was crying my
eyes out. I did an episode about it. I can't tell you what episode it was. It was from a long time ago, but I tell you one thing. SIS was crying my eyes out, weeping. Something about it just hit my nerves A different way. I identified with her in so many ways, and it made me uncomfortable how much I identified with her. And it wasn't on any surface level either. It wasn't like about like at all. It was about her and her at her core and her who she was and like some of her pain.
Oh chaw.
Anyway, the first thing that I want to do is say thank you.
Y'all know how to go.
I want to thank God first, because God is supreme and I recognize and appreciate the grace that God extends to me every single day in my black ass life. I want to say thank you to you, and you and you and you. I want to say thank you to my folk. I want to say thank you to each and every one of you that's been here with me since day one, since March the first of twenty twenty twelve days before the pandemic lockdown started. A thank you, thank you, thank you for being here with me. I
truly appreciate you for being here. And even if you just started listening today, if you started listening on June thirteenth, I thank you for that as well.
I'm grateful.
Either way you cut it up, I'm thankful. I'm thankful for my family. I'm thankful for my friends. I'm thankful for y'all, my friends and kN my support, and of course, most importantly, every single person out there listening. I love y'all so much, and it is nothing short of an honor and a privilege to share my energy and my time with you, especially if you keep coming back to
spend your energy and your time with me. And I say your energy because so many of you have told me that you listen to this podcast and you talk back to me. I fucking love that keep talking to me. I look forward to the next time that we get to do this with one another. And y'all already know
what's going to be on next Tuesday. Now, before you exit out of whatever streaming service you're using to listen to this, please stop what you're doing, and if you haven't already done so, look for the subscribe or follow button, click on it if it's an option there in the streaming service where you're listening. Next, I want you to go over to Instagram and follow me at hand me
my Purse Underscore podcast. Then look in the link I mean, look in the bio in the profile and my Instagram profile and click on the little like at thing with like numbers behind it. That's Threads. Go follow me on Threads, and I'm kind of like Twitter. We're taking a break, and on Facebook just search hen me my first podcast. If you listen on a streaming service or a medium that allows you to do so, please rate and review the show or give you.
A thumbs up.
If you can, shout out to all the people that's been rating and reviewing the show. As a matter of fact, I'm going to read one right now. Okay, this review is very recent. It was, like I'm going to say, like a week ago. I got this one maybe a week or two ago. And it is from Ladybug one O two and the title, whoever it is, they must know that I like French. I mean I do be talking about me loving the French and love in Paris unless they're French, which would be totally cool, oration or
from a French speaking country. I'll say it says Jim Telemonts podcast, which friends means I love this podcast so much. It says this has become one of my favorite podcasts. She's single handedly bringing back the Quiet Storm voice to radio and or podcast waves. I love the way Mimi approaches any given subject. It feels like sitting down at the kitchen table discussing anything and everything with your friend
or sister. Thank you so much, lady Bug, one O two you f and rock and I love, I love, love love that review.
It made my day.
So see that friends again, You too can have your review read on an episode of Handing My Purse.
If you just leave a review, think about it.
Friends, that can be sure to share hand in my Purse with your friends, your loved ones, and even people that you can't stand. Because the best way for anyone to find out about this show is by you guys telling them all about it. So telefriend to telefriend to telefriend. Please let me not say this. Usually I say, please submit your questions for the stray fac segment too, Hello at handymipurse dot com. But you know what, Nope, guess what. Go to the show notes. Okay, I tell y'all all
the time to look at the show notes. Okay, I'm about to tell you about the show notes anyway. But if you go to the show notes and you scroll down at the bottom where I have all the things listed like find a therapist, because the show notes are popping. Y'all don't really know, but the show notes are popping. Okay, find a therapist. I left the one up for gratitude rituals. I have the link to the jam so you could
watch the video of the jam. But I have decided to add a link to the form where you can submit a question for straight facts. Write in the show notes. You ain't gotta go to no bios. You ain't gotta go to no instagrams. You ain't got send no email, You ain't got to send no DMS. You ain't gotta send no text, no smoke signal, morse code, send a
carrier pigeon. You could just go straight to them show notes, because guess what you gotta You gotta be in a place where the show notes are because you got that's that's how you listen. So as you listen, just go to the show notutescroll down, show note. My said the show notts shell. What am I talking about?
It was at this moment he knew he fucked up.
Scroll down, go in the show notes, and just submit a question for straight facts. Your question will probably make it. It will because I read all questions, all of them. I don't filter none of them out, I read them all. Okay, do that for me, Do me a solid, do me a solid, leave a review, submit a question for straight facts. Also, remember, like I said that, the show notes are always available
in the episode description. Wherever you're listening to the show, be sure to take a look at the show notes because that's where I put all of the juice, the juice, the jam, and the loveliness that I may talk about during the show, and even some extra stuff that I throw in there. Also, just so you know, the music for Him Me My Purse is provided by none other
than West Baltimore's own Gloomy Tunes. Shout out to Gloomy Tunes, last one, not least, I want to give a big old shout out to my production team, my producers, and together we make.
Up Rando Banjo and the Dirty Roots.
And I look forward to you looking forward to listening to Hand Me My Purse the podcast each and every single Tuesday. And I'm out this bitch peace. Hand Me My Purse is a production of iHeart Podcasts. For more shows from iHeart Podcasts, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.