Hamish & Andy 2023 Ep 216

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Ahoy to my branch operator. Hamish. Ah, yes. Thank you sir. You will not be disappointed with who you put in charge. We are not closing down this branch. What about the valuable ones? You absolutely wouldn't. Ahoy to my pump! Operator. Jack. Okay, we could do without the pump, I think. No. Where are you going? To get the pressure from. We'll find it. And I am the station officer. Are we drillers? Are we? Are we an oil drilling? No. Damn it! I thought we were a.

Bank when it was the branches.

Or is it train stuff? Ehm. When we talked about emergency services off air while having lunch before this show, you said this is the one you'd want to be in. Oh, is this fire department? Fire department.

You said.

I actually said.

Outside of the hypothetical, I want to be a firefighter.

Yeah, because. But I haven't obviously done the training yet. Would you? Well, I didn't say I am a firefighter if you were the branch operator. Ham, this is what you could look forward to. What would my roles and responsibilities be? You the firefighter using the hose. You're the guy that gets awesome. Actually use the hose. Did we call it the branch? Do we? The branch is what? The end of the hose is called, right? And it squirts out the leap.

Well, you need definitely need the pump operator then. Yeah, if you want some pressure.

So sorry about that, mate. That wasn't good. Firehouse camaraderie. Yeah. You're just sitting there with a limp hose, wondering, swinging around a limp branch. No, thanks. I need my pump man to have a fully pressurized hose. But these firefighters can change the pattern and flow of the water so you can. You're in charge of your nozzle at the top. Yes, yes. So shower spray? Yeah. Um, all the fun ones you have in the garden square. Triangle. Uh, pump operator Jack drives the truck.

Oh, really? I thought I was just like, you know, doing a. Oh, no. Jack, what are you doing?

What are you. Jack? Jack is mimed miming like a bike. Bike pump? Yeah.

By like, I thought I was pumping pressure for the water. Hey, mate.

Don't worry. We'll splash out on a motorised pump. You have to pump it up like you're pumping up a kid's bike. What a worry if you. If my house is on fire and I haven't been able to take those three items. That thing you do, squirt, that's not squirting two metres, you get there and Jack gets out the pump and just starts pressing down on it.

So it's a name left over, I guess, from when they did use the bike pump.

Well, no, it's still a pump. No, it's still a motorised pump.

If I'm driving the truck and I'm flicking the switch on the pump.

Well, once you drive.

There.

You need I think the truck is actually called the pump. You need another role, obviously. Stop trying to weasel out of job the driver.

I did the hard part. I navigated us through traffic with lights on.

So be good. If we had someone back at the truck. No, Jack's already done his job. He's having donuts now while we man the fire. Are we trying? What are you again? Andoh plays station officer. Just looking over looking all of you. And tell you what. Jack is not impressed me? Yeah.

Do you not come out to the fires?

No no no no. Come on now these days mate. Nah, they did it when I was a young Smokey, but, uh, not anymore mate. Too much shit going on back here. I'll swing past when it's cinders and have to. We'd love to be back out there with you boys get the boots on again. But, you know, mate with my shoulder. The old compo. Um. Hoy also ham. Oh, sorry. Do you have another? No, no no, no, that's my end

Did I? Hi. I'm Andy and number six. How are we going, boys? It's Matt here, currently traveling from Darwin to Perth. I'm looking at about 8 to 9 days of camping ahead of me. So hey, you're an expert. Share some wisdom if you can. I'm about 800 K's out of Uluru, so I know you fellows are meant to be there for your first day back at Cool Boy in the front man, but unfortunately he couldn't. So in your honour, I'll be smashing back a few tins for youse. Cheers. Keep up the good work, fellas.

Oh, what a legend, Matt. Um, my camping tips for Matt. Hey, um, I know we listen, I know we listen. We've got studio quality headphones in here, and I'm not sure how clear people will be listening to this. Depends on your headphones there. But to my ears, it sounds like the first camping tip I would give Matt is I think you've got a flat change.

Your tire. Flat tire didn't.

Sound a bit like you were rumbling along on a flat. So definitely if you've got 800 CS to cover one a good I actually know someone that's good with a bike pump. I can can send him your way, send out the pump operator. Sounds like you might need a bit of inflation, but other than that you're doing it perfectly. You wanted the start of today's show. I did, and

It's just equally as shocking that she goes breakaway as her choice of chocolate bar.

Someone gave her one and she really liked it. And then she she she grabbed one at the. She grabbed a few at the supermarket and put them. I know she's got the, you know the high up in the fridge. The is that for cheese. That compartment at the top. We don't have any cheese in it. That's just those chunky breakaway. You don't go in there, um, recklessly. Okay. So that's that's where it was living. Anyway. Someone's bought another case to us. Molly. Great. And she's like, I

I like a pod.

Really, I find them. You like anything sweet, Jack? I've seen.

Jack just wander around and just skirmish.

Anything he can. The problem with pods is they're not satisfying by themselves. And you can eat a whole bag very fast right there, there. And which, obviously, the company knows. And that's how they make their money. So here's the thing. I've. I've got us all a bag of some pods here. We've got Twix and Mars pods. Right. Open them up. The first thing I want you to do, I've got my bag here, and now you got your bag. First thing I want you to do is you look at

I've got Twix.

Would you prefer Jack read out, read out the read out the definition of the Twix.

All right. Gooey dollop of Twix caramel in a crispy baked wafer topped off with a delicious milk chocolate.

Now read out Mars Andy. Delicious rich Mars caramel cradle in a crispy baked.

Wafer topped.

Off with creamy.

Milk chocolate.

Now, Jack, you give yours back to Andy. You look at these side by side. The contention for Molly is these are the same thing in 1 in 1. They've changed the adjective. You've got deliciously rich Mars caramel versus gooey dollop of Twix caramel. Yes, both. Both admit it's a crispy wafer. Yes. On the Mars One, it's cradled in a crispy wafer in the Twix one it doesn't say cradled, but apart from that, you look at it, you look at the picture andoh, well, the.

Pictures are exactly the same.

The pictures are exactly the same.

They've put a black stripe behind the Mars and orange stripe.

I'm glad you picked up on that. That's the that. And then look, there's a drip as well in the top left hand corner. They've changed the on the Twix. The big drip is brown. The small drip is caramel. On the Mars the big drip is caramel. The small drip is brown. We obviously have to do a taste.

Test, obviously.

Now here's the other thing. You look at these and you're like, okay. The big question here is at the Mars factory, like where they make all our favorite Mars confectionery M&;Ms. Twix. Mars. Maltesers. At the factory, they've got two main products that use caramel. Yes. You've got Mars. Yep. And you've got Twix. Mm.hmm. Do they expect us to believe that there is a secret recipe for the Mars caramel cake versus the Twix caramel? That's really what this

A biscuit in it, doesn't it? Yeah.

The chocolate bars themselves are definitely chocolate.

Bars are completely different. So which is which is why it would be totally legal to use the same trademark Mars Caramel. Although when you put them in pod form and the only ingredient is caramel and chocolate, you now have the same product again. So you start with two different chocolate bars. This is the danger. I mean, as much as we saluted the pod format, this is the danger of what happens when you pod them. Yes, they

I never think that the.

Only candy with the cookie crunch. Okay, two for anyone that's seen the candy bar lineup episode of Seinfeld.

To the eye, they look exactly the same as you pull them out of the bag.

They don't. They do, don't they?

Yeah. I'm passing them over to Jack. Make sure you remember Jack. Which one's your Twix?

Which one's Twix on the right. Mars on.

Mars. Okay, I'll do the same. Twix on the right. Mars.

Exactly the same without extraordinarily similar.

Okay. Twix on the right. Mars on the left. Which one do we have first? Who should be the hard bit. They shouldn't be the hard bit. Which one?

Let's take the mouse first. Okay.

Okay. Mars on the left. Okay.

I quite underestimated. This is quite good. They're good.

They're amazing. Like I said, you eat the whole bag. So you bite through the chocolate pretty fast. You're into the caramel. Everyone feeling that.

And that does taste like a mask to me.

Yeah. And really, because it.

Has I would say the Twix is more accurate because it does have a biscuity wafer. But anyway, now, I mean, it has Mars flavour. Okay. Now the Twix, do we.

We don't have to clean our palettes. We can just go straight in because.

I don't think so because they're the same thing. Yeah. I mean, is anyone getting anything different there?

I think I got the same thing.

No. That's fine.

They're the same.

They're the same. I can't believe.

The different bars become the same thing when you modify them.

That is incredible. We've got.

Anthem.

We've got you got the right. Yeah, we've got you.

And now flip around and look at the front. Prepare for the final piece of mind blowing material. Yep. Jack, how much energy in kilojoules per serve is the Mars on the front?

Mars is 503 kilojoules.

Jack, how much energy per serve is the Twix in kilojoules 505 kilojoules? WTF is going on?

Could we? Maybe we're just not refined enough to taste two kilojoules more?

It is. It is half a calorie. So it's a it's a tough thing to taste.

So you reckon they're adding just like a fraction more calories. Caramel. Wow. Try.

No okay. Okay. So there's that. So it could be a.

Taste thing but a ratio could be slightly different.

Right now we go back to the ingredients. Now I've already done this I'll save you the trouble. Great. First I'm going to read out the Mars obviously doesn't tell you exactly the ingredients, but it gives you the breakdown. Yes. Milk chocolate 51% biscuit 30. Caramel 19%. Yep. Twix. Milk chocolate 51%. Biscuit 30. Caramel 19%. So it is exactly the same ratios. No, no. Oh, no. Mars. Yes.

Exactly.

So it's exactly so in the ingredients, they list exactly the same ratios. For some reason there's two kilojoules difference in energy. Now we must be talking millionths of percents of difference. If there is different caramel in these. But then I'm.

Going through all the rest of it with the cocoa fat.

And I'll save you the I'll save you the time. It's exactly the same. Exactly the.

Same. They're the same.

Exactly the same. And.

So hang on, hang on, hang on.

Trust me, mate, it's just a formatting thing.

Just the bottom of the Twix, it says, may present peanuts, tree nuts and barley. We're on the bottom of the Mars. It just says may present peanuts and tree nuts. There's no. And barley.

Maybe different factory.

Maybe so. You reckon? Different caramel.

Like, don't they usually say that if they're doing the Snickers in the same factory and the peanut accidentally falls over into the caramel? Oh, yeah, I see what you're saying. So maybe they're in two different coming out of two different. I know we.

Like speculating here, but we we love it. I feel like we need we.

Actually do need a mars person, don't.

We? Yeah. Can we get it?

Cause if it comes. If if it if it means I mean, I think what we're discovering here is like, are they going to look at us in the eye and say, yeah, yeah, there's two different caramels.

Yeah. No, I don't think they will know.

It'll be ballsy. So either way, we're just setting up for a hell of a conclusion here.

Great stuff. Ehm. Ehm. You're a fool if you don't listen to this podcast. Not because we're entertaining, but you're getting behind on life, aren't you?

You are. And it's okay. We can call people fools because they obviously can't hear it. Yeah. Um. And if you do listen though, you gather up, um, gather up these power moves. Yeah. You get the dried forth into life, and you perform at your absolute peak capacity, the highest voltage in.

Every social situation.

Another batch and, uh. Uh, all right, this comes in from Nathan. It's an a it's another AFL based one. Now, unfortunately, we had a, we had a pro like we had like, you have to be playing in the AFL. Like you have to be playing at the top level. Um, for

We've we used to do it for hockey.

You have to do it. I think you do it at every sport. Until what state.

Level? We would change up the way and different teams would try. I used to come at uni.

At uni, like I would come like hung over on a Saturday morning and watch you play like a good girlfriend and you would do hip hooray, hip hip hooray.

So you know, do you.

Know that one, Jack?

No. Melbourne. Melbourne. Three cheers for Ringwood. Hip Ray. Hip Ray. Hip Ray. Yeah.

You would. They would cut a hip out. So you don't do hip hip.

Because the second hip makes it worse I reckon.

Well it feels very oldie. Like the second hip. You know what's coming after you do the first hip so I can see that. But there's no reason to cut out the hu of the ruck. That's a bit. That's a bit stingy. It just.

It felt.

What can't you do? Hip hooray! It felt.

Stronger. It felt more like a, you know, a haka. I suppose we're not there.

The point you're meant to be saying like, congratulations.

It feels like you want to leave early. Like you did it. Did you want to get off the ground as soon as possible?

That was my take, too, because I didn't play team sports growing up. So this is almost like as a 19 year old was my first introduction to what the team sports culture is. So I was like, yeah, right. So at the end, you do this really, um, begrudging facsimile of a hippie parade. You're like, hey, let's pretend to thank the other team. No worries. See you mate. See you mate. See you mate. What?

The other one. We trialled for a while but went back to him. Do you pray? Pray, pray. We went hip hip hip. Ray Ray, Ray Basham.

It's like.

You're trying to.

Get it even faster. But yeah, it felt better. Just hip, hip hooray. I think what we're trying to do three H, three.

R that's we've reduced it to algebra and that's as fast as we can do it.

It felt like it felt like you were trying to do this combat sport, and then you had to say hip, hip hooray for the other team or the start as well. Yeah. Both that start and finish I thought was overkill.

Well, okay. Well, we know it exists, right? We know it exists, you know, and I think it exists like right into the upper levels. Like as adults, you still have to do, you know, three cheers for the other team at the end because you are there technically for good sportsmanship. Anyway, this is from sorry, long road to get there. Um, but he says after the other team does. Three cheers for your team. Uh, if you're the person that calls out, you call out. All right. And two cheers.

Love it. This is from Alex. I can't do this, Jack. Hamish, you can do this. Be it based, not be it based. Tell me whether you think this would work. If you've organized a play date for your child with a kid of a new a new friend. Yep. You haven't met the parents and that new parent is dropping the kid off.

Okay, drop and go. Usually kicks in around traditionally around about, you know. Yeah. Six, seven years old before they arrive.

Rip a page out of the coloring book and color it in your yourself and stick it on the fridge.

That would be a good move when the.

When the parent comments say no big deal.

It's fine. Uh, really good. Um, and oh, this comes in from Meg. Okay. When somebody gives you some flowers by way of apology. So a small bunch of flowers could be partner, could be a friend. Um, if they're trying to patch something up as they've given you the flowers, take the flowers over to the sink, unwrap them, and proceed to cut the stems down to about five centimeters long. Select only a few of the flowers and pop them

From Andruw Jones. If you ever caught sleeping at work, simply say the blood bank told me this would happen. An apology and a bit of a well done for donating blood. Yeah.

Um, power move only works if the target's name isn't Billy. Okay, so this is for, uh. This is for a set of all humans not equal to Billy. Find a person you want to exert power over. Start calling them Billy when they inevitably correct you and say, uh, that's not their name. I.e., my name is Jack. Just hit them back with. Oh, no, I'm just saying that because everyone calls you Billy. It's short for Silly Billy. Hit right. And a an interesting and serious email has come in

Being serious on this show, but I.

Know, and it's quite a long way from it. That's quite a long. Yeah. That's it. I mean, we're happy to face up to tackle this, especially if it's something that a listener is feeling. And I worry that he might represent the views of many listeners here, too. That's why I think we've got to give it a bit of air. Um, but he it is serious and it raises some big stuff. He says, look, he because he comes it starts by saying, I've got a serious allegation.

You or I or both of us.

Against the show. So that's mainly you, Jack. Really?

Legally, yeah.

We put your name on the form. We do. Um, in event, in event of allegation, there's a split ownership system in event of praise and awards. Absolutely H and a on stage gripping the trophy. And in event of allegation then it does defer to Jack. So it's kind of for you Jack.

It does make it feel like you're Greg from succession right.

Here a little Greg Litt um, it's in relation to the handling of the H and A coins. So it's a Treasury issue. Narayan believes the coins have been, quote, handed out in an arbitrary fashion lately. He says, I lay out to you an examples from recent episodes. My concern started from ep 203. The guy who could guess items in the kitchen got every question wrong except one about rural Queensland properties. That's true. And that earned him a coin.

Did we give him a coin?

Yeah, I thought that was weird because he he I remember the cupboard had something real obvious like Andy.

Hidden hands here, Andy, as he worries about the legal ramifications for Jack. Uh, a concerned a concerned friend who doesn't like, doesn't like another friend's chances of beating this in episode 206 with the cordial guy. Hamish and Andy both agreed that the absolute bare minimum is four out of five. Then when he gets the first two wrong in a row and he changes the rules to three out of five, then during episode seven, the guy with the special skills to guess the movie did not get

The movie Guessing.

Game. So what was it? Was it like Austin Powers or something like powers? Yeah, and I went 1 or 2.

Men in Black as.

Well. Men in black, 1 or 2. Yeah. Anyway, he got that wrong on the one he got Men in Black, and then he got it wrong on the 1 or 2 he says magic Mike. I think he means podcast. Mike, uh, recognized this, but was dismissed by Andy.

Dismissed. That sounds like.

Top it off, he wasn't given five movies to guess in the end. Felt like he was robbed. This prompted me to investigate further. I went all the way back to the start of the podcast.

Wow.

On episode eight of the podcast.

He's gone.

So deep. Both coin guesser and menu guesser got H and A coins when neither of them deserved it, as they both were far off thinkers. I do remember that with the guys like, yeah, what do you say? You tell me a menu and I'll tell you the price.

Yeah, that's right, that's right, the garlic.

What are the classics? What are the garlic bread undid him didn't it? This is obviously a great undertaking to review all the episodes of cases where H and R coins were handed out, and I believe that I've only scratched the surface. Oh, well, I think he's onto something big.

I'd like to hush him up.

Yes, I was one of them. That is an option available to us.

To coin mine. So he says, go away quietly.

Well, he proposes two things, okay. One establishment of an H and a coin taskforce that's responsible for reviewing questionable handing out of coins throughout the history of the podcast. So it's almost like a royal commission. Um, um, hacked.

Off would be the, um.

Yeah, actually.

The H and a coin taskforce, but we.

Would never take coins off people we've given them to. Surely.

I think that's what he's saying. Wow. He's looking to right the wrongs of history. Wow. Um, and then number two, once the task force report is ready and reviewed by Hamish, Andy, a mechanism by which H and A coins are recalled.

Whoa! Whoa.

So a two part proposal here. Establish the task force that then, I guess, prepares a report. And then the second part is we then look at what we're going to do with the report. It's interesting here because royal commissions of course exist in democracies. And I. And the question for us is how much of a democracy. I mean, how much power do you give?

We love pretending we're one. Yeah, yeah. Like that's one of our favorite things.

But I think sometimes even with the government don't they do those kind of reports where they're like, now we got the report and we'll definitely look at that.

Nothing really. I mean, what happened with the banking one? I don't I don't I.

Didn't that's right.

Pretty sure all the banks are still in business.

Yes.

So we could certainly I mean this is banking. This is finance based. I mean the general vibe of when you do a finance look into the financial, you know, any corruption of a financial level, it's the government's job. And that would be us in this case to nod solemnly and go, mm. Many, many good points raised.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. And then um, just hope the new cycle washes that one away. But what about, what about.

This I have is narayane sounds like the kind of guy that would be playing Michael Keaton's character in spotlight. If you've seen that film where he doesn't.

I haven't, but I know the kind of character Michael Keaton's able to play.

I don't think he's gonna stop, is my point. He's the Erin Brockovich of the coin situation.

Okay, wait, you know what, Andrew? He's actually listening. He can join. He can join us now. Narayan, tentatively. Good morning.

Ahoy, boys. It's good to be with you.

Oh, with you.

Now, Narayan. You, sir raised some. I'm not going to say whether they're valid or invalid, but you certainly raise points. And I'd like to just get the temperature if I could. First up, of how, um, disgruntled you are with possibly what you're onto here.

Look, I have had the conversation you boys have been having. And look, if you want this, use controversy to go away. You could give me a coin and no one will know. Never know a thing now. And he would and he would. He would be the easiest coin that's ever been handed out on the show. That's the point.

It wouldn't be. It wouldn't be.

It wouldn't even be the loosest coin. Yes. Okay, well, now we have it. This is certainly an interesting development because the head of our anti-corruption task force has specifically asked for a bribe.

As.

His opening statement.

Wonderful. It's. Can we just say.

We're very interested in making this go away? But I do worry, though, that obviously now more people have heard this and this this. Now the cat is out of the bag, Genie's out of the bottle. Someone else is going to take this up?

Yes. Putting her iron on hold for a second.

Thank you. Ryan. Interesting.

I want him to hear it all.

No, don't want him to hear. Okay, so I think we take the bribe.

No. He's asking. You mean give the bribe?

Yeah. So I think we.

No, no, Ryan, we'll accept the coin.

No, we take them off. We take the.

Offer to give the bribe.

Yeah, right. Yes, yes.

What are you. But what do you say about this? Just opening an absolute avalanche of people asking for the same bribe everywhere. Ignored task force. Task force requests coming in left, right and center.

What do you set up, like? An email filter that looks for the word task force and put it straight in the bin.

That is a good solution. That is a good solution.

This is such a fascinating peek into the how you run a corrupt government.

I don't think we can set up this task force.

You don't want to. You want to set up a. We don't have to. You can't. We wouldn't be giving them royal commission powers. We'd be setting up an advisory task force.

This is classic. I mean, this is going back to radio days, where it was all self-regulated. Yeah, and you don't want another body regulating you.

What about.

Okay, so they'd always go, oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll make sure Kyle Sandilands doesn't say that. We'll be fine I got it I got it. And then they go.

Why don't we go yeah, yeah we go back and we go okay, I think I've got it. You want to go back to Ryan okay.

Yeah okay. He can hear us now? Yeah.

Now. Ryan.

Yes.

Obviously.

Um, we're deeply concerned, um, by the issues you bring up, because here at, uh, Hamish and Andy, um, headquarters, we strive to run a transparent and authentic and a consistent coin giving operation. The last thing we want is for Jack to be dragged through legal mud. Because there's been a problem with the coin system. So we really take this seriously. And because you're the first person to raise this and raise this concern, we would like to pay

And the continued work.

And the continued work you've done since you're the first person to do this work. Now, if someone else did this work, they're just copying off you and they don't get a coin. But since you're the first person to do this consultancy's work, we'd like to pay you a fee of one coin, and we'd like to absolutely take this to conduct a thorough internal review, um, and present our findings in a few episodes. How does that sound?

I think that sounds fair. That sounds fair.

Great. We will give you that payment in a paper bag in a car park. Um, it will.

Have the unique coin number scratched off. That's that's just that's just because of a shipping issue. Nothing to see. There it is. Totally above board payment sounding good in Orion.

That sounds excellent.

Great pleasure doing business with you. We'll get straight onto forming the taskforce. I'll chair it. Andy. Great.

It has been but a few weeks since I was chastised by the two of you, the beard boys, again aligning against me.

I don't know what this is about, but I stand by whatever we did. We're both just as you again. If you won't. If you open your mouth, I.

Think you're crazy was uttered at me. Um. This wild.

Oh, I bet I know. Is it. Is it the toothpaste? Tiny amount of toothpaste? It's. I think about it every time I clean my teeth. I think about you.

Do you know what I do? I put the I put the toothpaste on at night, and I go. I look at myself in the mirror and I go, you're living, boy. Yeah.

And I and I.

Go, keep it up, wild man. Keep it up, Blake. Because you know what? Right now, Andy's in his bathroom. Well, probably many hours after me. But that, thus is the joys of no children. Yes, and he's in his bathroom. He's got one human hair out as a stencil to make sure. To make sure the toothpaste doesn't. Doesn't rise above the one micron thickness across the top of the bristles. And look at you, mate. Squirt it on, slather it around.

I felt like it was the right amount. A lot of people have come out of the woodwork saying, you're right. Andy and I got a lot of messages of support. A lot of emails came in. I thought, what better way to do it is to get them to record what they wrote. Exactly. And so you could hear some of the things that are being said with regards to toothpaste gate.

Prepare to hear some fun people check.

Mate, I use even less than yours anymore and my mouth would be overflowing with suds.

I do the same as you Andy. I have a very extreme dental hygiene routine, but you only need to use a little bit of toothpaste.

Dentist here. The recommended amount of toothpaste is the size of a green pea, so Hamish and Jack are using way too much. You're closer to the right amount. Andy.

As a fellow dentist, I 100% agree. Very common man to be conservative with the toothpaste. Make those dollars stretch.

So my partner actually thought you were crazy at first, but then he tried it and now he's converted. Like way less clean up required.

You are 100% correct.

And no one will convince me otherwise.

You are spot on and it is more than enough to clean your teeth. Only reason it is more in the ads is because they want you to use it quicker and buy more toothpaste. Same with shampoo and washing detergent. Hey, you know what else?

Electric toothbrush heads are so small. I think that also says a lot about the amount that you should use.

I'm a.

Dentist and.

Hamish and Jack's.

Amount is actually a really dangerous amount of toothpaste.

Too much of that.

Can build up a toxin called methyl leonide.

Which could potentially.

Make your teeth like chalk.

I think Andy's using the perfect amount of toothpaste, and I should also point out that he hasn't lost touch with the common man, and he certainly doesn't have an IP if in my opinion, not an SP, but just an RP regular P regretful p. Okay, besides the last one, why.

Do I feel like you know, it was like we're at a at a at a Donald Trump rally?

Yeah. Besides the last one, all actual words written into this show or to me. Are you worried about that dentist saying that you got that dangerous? Toxic? That might be from.

Too much toothpaste? I mean, get your act together. Dentistry. When? As if. Who's ever heard of that, Jack? I mean, your dentists have been too busy tickling your feet or gently blowing on your earlobes to worry about your actual mouth.

Did you ask your dentist, Jack? And did he say, what's toothpaste?

He. He knows about dental hygiene. He what?

Are. What is it? What is your.

Holistic. So you.

He was very. He was very big on flossing. He didn't. He didn't care too much about, uh, how much toothpaste you use. But I will next time I'm there. I'm definitely gonna ask. Yeah.

Just chew up a mouthful of crystals or something.

You know, I've had. I don't want to sound like Andy here, but I've had a lot of people also write to me and ask for the details of the holistic dentist.

Guys, let's just turn.

This show.

Into a montage TV show, into fake testimonials.

And a little while ago on the show, uh, we had a special skill nominated, which was, um, uh, someone that could feel could tell the type of chocolate bar just purely by feeling it through the wrapper. Um, and you sort of put your hand up and went, yeah, but I think I could do that. And I gave you a fair and honest trial, and you couldn't quite do it. You got very close. Um, but to be fair, through a few logistical issues, I don't I didn't get

Support bands.

Peppermint crisp. Yeah. Chiquita chick.

Chiquita I hadn't seen for 20 years. They're still gigging.

So jury's out on whether that was fair or not. But look, another special skill came in this week, and I looked at it and went, okay, in the similar vein, this isn't you putting your hand up because you don't know what this is yet, but I actually. Do. I looked at this and I went, I think, again, I think this is one that a normal human could do. Right. And I nominate Andy as our resident normal human. Yeah. Comes in from Joanna and she starts off by saying, hey,

Yeah, she's.

Got the scales and the sword. Does she have a sword? I don't know, maybe that's. Is that Statue of Liberty?

No, no, she doesn't have a sword. Apparently they're shaking their heads out of here furiously. No, whatever.

Anyway, Libra is a scale. Yeah. Um, so she says I'm a human scale. So immediately I go, okay, this is good. Because, remember, one of the very first special skills was, um, just deli meat by feel. Yes. And I was like, that's. We loved that one. Yeah. She said, but this is this is what Joanna means. If you put two things in each of my hands, I can act as a scale and tell you which is heavier

Used to do. Yeah. Gotcha.

That makes my grandparents.

Had one which I loved playing with. But you put different size weights on one side and then pour your rice on the other. We had hours of fun.

How cool. And these days kids have to put up with switch. Um, so she's like, if something's 3.2 kilos and something's three, I can detect the heavier. Mm. I'm just a human scale, she repeats.

Can we all do that?

I thought so.

I wondered if this is actually just more of a human trait. Yes. Um. So she's gone. Look, my husband thinks I'm an idiot for my special skill, but I know it's the best in the world.

What's not?

And again, I was just like, I think I'm not taking away any instances where she correctly called it. And there was and someone was impressed nearby, but I don't know if it would qualify as a special skill. We could be wrong. So to run the test, Ando, bring in the bags I have.

What were the, uh, sizes? She used the dimensions 3 to 3.2.

I've gone actually a little bit harsher for Ando here. If she was.

Doing like grams, then you go. Yeah, great. You got something that was three grams more, but.

But 200g.

More. That feels considerable.

Significant 200 is a significant. Yes. Again, to not to. I want us to not just always bring everything back to chocolate bars, but that's for Snickers. Like you could you could tell. So. All right Ando, you've now you've got grapes, you've got rice.

Grapes and you've got ham.

Yep. Okay. Make sure you pick it up in the correct order. Yes. Um, but with your left and right hand, please pick up the grapes now and tell me what you feel.

And he's picking up grapes. Two bags of grape. One in his left, one in his right. He's actually making like he's pretending he's a scale.

Actually, I'm gonna put them on top of my hand rather than having them. Yeah, that will kind of.

That's actually a pretty smart idea, isn't it? Because the hands are more sensitive.

I think the left is is heavier.

Left is 300g. The right is 330.

Oh, wow.

It. I found it very tough.

But okay.

If she could do it within I mean 30g in a lot.

That was 30g. That was, that was. That's 10%. 10% variance. Yes. Okay. Do the ham for me now. Okay. Ham left and right.

Ham getting the ham is in the bag and Andy is pretending he's a scale. Thank you. Jack.

Jack, a lot of people like you.

Think.

Like, what's Jack's superpower? You just saw it, like, again. Just detected the pause, jumped in.

Do you think that, um, tennis players couldn't do this because they have.

Overdeveloped biceps.

And one arm like you? Can they.

But do they have I mean, they have incredible senses, you would think in their hands, like, even just to feel the and sometimes the slightest change of the racket.

Would you say when they grab a tennis ball and they sort of like almost they do do it up in their hand like, no, not that one. They get a new one.

Yeah, they actually do do it. That's what I thought you were getting.

Based that I think it's a squeeze for pressure maybe.

I always thought it was just chemistry tests. Like the first date. Yeah.

Like, were you vibing it?

Yeah, I'm vibing this ball.

Okay, back to the ham. This seems again really close. I mean, I can't do anything with I can't tell you with confidence here. So it's. I feel like it's exactly the same.

Left 110g, right 100g. So again a 1010 or it's ten grams. That was 10% variance I was going for. I mean, that'd be too easy if I was doing big, big numbers. Okay. But she.

Said what did she say three.

Three and 3.2 I actually made Andy's a bit harder because I just thought that sounded too easy. Well yeah. Okay. Yeah. Rice.

And he's got two big plastic bags of rice. Thank you.

Jaco the rice. It feels definitely heavier in my right hand.

That is 50g heavier, 1000g place 1050.

Well done Andy.

Maybe the that one, that one. I felt like I could tell maybe.

Is it something to do with the shape of. Because like rice sits the easiest?

Well, it's also the biggest difference.

And they're so light. They other ones are so light.

So okay so once it got to 50g you could feel it. It felt.

Yeah. Well that's what you would think.

You would think 200g is fillable. I should have actually got you hers.

But yeah. Yeah that would have made. That would have made sense.

Well Jack.

Jack, I gambled, okay? I gambled because I thought it would be cool. Okay. Actually, Carl's I assume we've got scales here. Do we have scales here? We've got.

Scales here. Yeah, yeah. We got. Yeah.

All right, go take the rice outside and make it so it's a 200 gram difference. Oh, yeah.

Okay.

Do you know what I mean? Like it.

Doesn't, but we.

Know you can do rice already.

Yeah I know, but Jack. Well I'm the one saying I think he's done better because he's detected 50g difference.

In the meantime, while we just give her a bit of time to do the rice. Um, during the week, two people said to me, g'day, Hamish. Right. I'm thinking that I was Hamish. Yeah. And there was and it was in two very different situations.

Okay. Does that happen often happens.

Bit one.

Yeah, I get it. I get Andy's.

One was at the, um, uh, airport, uh, one of the security guards. Oh, great to see you, Hamish. I was like, yeah, well, I'll take it. Like, do a.

Great time to do a crime. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What was it, a strip club where Andy was going around saying, I'm. How are you going? Hamish? Hamish Blake, good to meet you.

It made me think. That the Andes sightings that you've been having people write in about.

Could be mistakes.

Might be about. Could be about Hamish.

You think so? But then you hear the behaviour and Jack and I immediately go, That's Andy.

Like, what about the person smoking a cigarette at the, uh, at the tobacco.

Pushing, rushing into the smoke Mark? I've never been single in my life. Well, that's why your nicknames Weaver. Brando. That's why everyone's calling you the weaver.

Sigourney Weaver.

I hope that name catches on if people call you the weaver. We got the weasel and the weaver. Anyway, the rice is coming back in. It was a good little interlude.

And we'll get back to the game.

Oh, I forgot about that. Nice.

A nice little moment of levity.

Before we get that.

Fun to have a laugh in the commentary.

Box.

Okay, end of the game. Here we go. There is now a 200 gram deficiency or differential.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Easy.

Yeah, yeah. That's left left hand side. Yeah. She's just thumbs up. No worries.

Leave it to Weaver. She'll get it. I don't think it's impressive enough. Is it, Ender. Well done. You got 50.

It's not impressive enough to be a special skill. But we did have some fun.

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