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Ahoy!
Actually, Jack. Oh, stop! Oh!
Oh!
Cold start to the year on the government mandated break, which was bloody quick, if I might say. That was a very fast one. Happy New Year, everyone. Straight back into it. Blink and you'd miss that break. That was a nasty. Felt like a fast one to me. Um, but look at this. Everyone's got slow ones. You can get slow. I reckon 2022 was a slow, mandated break. This felt lightning quick. Anyway. We're back. Splash of water on the face, back into podcasting.
Barely enough time to unpack your briefcase.
I didn't, I didn't. I've still got the same. I've still got the same pens in my top pocket. Calculators on the same batteries as I was the last working year. But Ando, for people thinking, yeah, this will probably just be the same old, same old. No no, no. Change is always happening at the podcast.
Well, we know that Mike left. Yeah. Um, it was a conscious uncoupling. Freely? Freely? Yeah, freely. Like we support him. He supports us.
Just sounded like he was actually really sad to leave. It was sad. He wouldn't mind me saying that. He was really torn about leaving. But it's a joint. It's on to better things. He's just on to other things.
And very hard to be better.
Yeah. He'll come. There'll be an awkward moment in August when he's like, look, I've made a huge mistake, but obviously the position's been filled.
Yeah, exactly like me crawling back to Bec after my six month hiatus. Yeah.
Is that. Did that happen?
Is that. Is that how it happened? You had to beg to come back into the relationship.
Yeah, yeah. She said no.
She said yes. That's why we're engaged.
No, no.
I mean.
I thought there might have been a period where she also said no.
Good for her. No, no, there was no period. But don't think it'll be that easy, Mike.
Yeah, Andy got lucky.
Yeah.
Anyway, so we don't have Mike anymore, but we have someone who's equally as wonderful.
Liza has just joined the team. We used to work with her back in the day. She asked me over the break. Are we still doing the same? The three things.
Yeah, that was Mike's domain.
That was Mike's domain. And I said, I think the guys like them.
I really enjoy the three things. Yeah, I think I think the listeners like the three things. It's a fun little puzzle to start the show with. We do know it took Mike upwards of 20 hours a week, so we understand that there's a huge drain on the three things.
So the the worst part of the three things was the moping that we would get before the show. Yeah.
Well, just so you know, Lizzie has felt under pressure this week to make. And I said, just don't overthink it. Don't overthink. The even more.
Government mandated break would have been the fastest for her because she would have been going, oh my God, there's only six weeks left and I've only got one. I've only got one of the things. And the first thing is the easiest because you haven't you haven't correlated it to anything yet. So I've only thought of rockmelon, but I don't know what else is in the set.
So we're saying yes. Lies. So she's I'm not sure if I think she's I think she's happy about that, but she. No, she's shaking her head. So we've got the same at least. The show won't be completely different this year. We've still got someone that's not happy about the three things, but I can now go into what she has presented me for the first three things, because we did have one, just in case. As you were, Jack. Ahoy to me, Hamish.
Okay, cool.
Ahoy to me! Banzai! Jack!
Bonsai! Like a tree?
No, I think it's Banzai! Banzai!
Banzai!
Are these things that people yell at? Are these Japanese phrases?
No. And I'm ed.
Okay. These are these people that Eliza met over summer. Because we should explain to her it has to be something that everyone can get. It can't be personal to you.
I did actually have to explain that to her on one of the things that she sent.
Through, like my favorite.
Cereals. We are the three hyenas from the original Lion King.
I can't believe I didn't get that. We watched so much Lion King in the last six months in my house. Liar.
She's off to a flyer.
It's a three. It's a good.
It's a.
Great.
One. It was undetected by us. It's obviously from a popular franchise. Yes. And, um. And got, um. I did actually know that from one of us, which is always a good hallmark of a good one.
She was played by Whoopi Goldberg. I'm not sure about the others, but, uh. Hey, um, let's, let's.
So the same level of detail that Mike gave about the three things as well.
Just the list outline. Okay. Good.
Lies off to a flyer. Congratulations.
That's that's really good.
Hey, big news for us. Kick off this year. People may have noticed we were over largely in New York City, to try and lobby the UN to put pressure on the Australian government to shorten the government mandated break for our podcast, which requires podcasters, which is us to not perform during for 12 weeks. Normally in the period over Christmas and summer.
Over Christmas and the Australian cricket season. So unsuccessful there, which is a bummer.
Is it? Is it is it those three three months specifically or could you.
Seems to be.
It.
Does seem to be from the directive we're getting from the government department of podcasting. However, one of the other legitimate business keep your receipts reasons we were in New York for was to be there to witness the opening of the pub. Old mates that we have a slice of a.
Congratulations, guys.
Small. Yeah. Thanks, Jacko. I'd say small somewhere in the scale people like. How much do you own of this pub? I'd say, you know, small to small to relatively still, quite small, but notable. You'd be notable, but.
The kind of slice that if someone was watching their weight at chocolate cake, they'd go just have a sliver. Just give me a sliver.
We have a slice. Where? Yeah. If office birthday party is, I really shouldn't. So I just want to have a taste. Yeah, but it's still a taste. You still get the. You still know exactly what kind of cake it is. It's certainly enough to know the flavor of the cake.
It is open this weekend. We had a pre-opening party, which we embarrassingly sold out of beer. So we're wondering whether we're going to be allowed back in the country.
That is a bad move for a pub.
Because.
It created some hype. Jack. I was at the back, pouring pallets of beer down the drain so we could get that story out.
But at 170 John Street, if you're ever in New York City, we aim to be open 365 days a year so you won't be able to miss us. And we'd love you to come down for a.
Christmas in New York. Ah, one thing we do need to cover off. And we had a lot of obviously it's like full of expats, lots of Aussies there that are traveling and great fun.
And we should point out others with a slice. Ash Barty's got a slice.
There's some wonderful Aussies that have a slither of the cake.
Yeah. Pat Cummins got a slice. Patty Mills got a slice. Hugh Jackman's got a slice.
Has everyone got a same size slice of the cake.
And Mick Mick Fanning's got a slice.
It's been fairly sliced up. Yeah. Yep. And then of course, it's actually. Then there's the, um, the other guys, the proper people, the people that actually run pubs and hotels over there. They've got.
They've gone back.
For a second helping. They're actually doing the work. But Jacko, the big question from so many Aussies over there, and it was beautiful to see as, as well as having a few, um, I will never mention t shirts, uh, floating around the pub still available. We also.
How many t shirts did you print?
Well, you put a real clasp on the momentum of selling them, mate.
It's pretty hard to sell a t shirt when you can't talk about it. So there are still some available wonderful collector's items. A gift for any fan of the show.
But it was nice to see people in the pub wearing them.
I had mine.
On.
With those secret meetings, taking up the back where everyone's lifting up their jumpers to show their t shirts, but also the loyalty card. We had a few people on them. My one big regret was because it's obviously it's a lot of the staff are Aussies, but they live in America and there are obviously American people behind the bar
and stuff like that. They didn't. There were some teething problems with the Hamish and Andy loyalty card on the day, and I don't have anything to do with the operational running of the pub. But I did say to you and I said, mate, we've got to fix this. If I can make one thing the issue, I don't know, get a staff meeting out, get a staff memo out. This is what this card means. Anyone caught not honouring it will be thrown in the river. On the gently
guided out. Because there are lots of unions and stuff in America. That was a great learning for me. I learned a lot about labor laws and who can and can't be thrown in the river for not accepting a card.
But if you are new to the podcast, Welcome. But we do have a Hamish and Andy loyalty card. It entitles you to 10% off every store worldwide. You immediately give 5% back as a goodwill gesture. And that and the Hamish Andy loyal card is accepted at Old Mates, meaning that you'll get 5% off, which is great.
And.
Click on the SFX these days with the applause. Nice.
Hey Jacko, here's here's another thing that I wanted to raise on the podcast. And I mean, it's it's kind of a, it's a, it's a bit of a bit of an awkward one, but I thought this is the best place to do it. This, this idea, you know, for the, for the pub had been floating around, you know, a little bit Nando's sort of came to the group last year and was like, look, this is happening. There's these guys we know in New York. They've run great restaurants,
they run cafes, they know what they're doing. This idea to run to open an Aussie bar in New York has come up and this is the plan. And I thought, yeah, look, it does look good. And then Andrew was like, you know, will you invest? You know, it requires some money to invest in this. And you look at the list that we just mentioned, you know, you Jackman's your Fanning's, your buddy's, some incredible people on that list. I felt under an enormous pressure, Jack, because on one hand, I have Andy
here going. Come on, guys, I think this is a good thing. Put some money in. Put real money in. And then, on the other hand, I knew something about Andy that I don't think the others did. So I'm torn. So here I am in a quandary. I've got my best mate of 25 years. But on the other hand, some of Australia's most beloved people that they've ever produced. Do you remember a couple of years ago we were talking on this show about what job we think we could do for one day. Now, don't worry about what
else was said in that particular moment. But there was a moment that Andy popped out and I was very surprised to hear this, but this is all that was ringing through my head. Is Andy's like.
Remember what he said as.
He well, when he was like, oh, you know, Hugh Jackman is interested. You know Mick Fanning's keen. He loves this. I was like, really? Do I speak up? Do I speak up? Or do I hope Andy has changed his ways? Because when we talked about what job we thought we'd be good at, aside from podcasting, this is what Andy said.
I feel like I'd feel pretty confident at the top of a pyramid scheme. I suppose like.
That's your pick.
On the top. The top paying like everything else for my skills, I wouldn't. I would not be able to have the upside. So.
But do you think you could trick ripping.
People off.
Trick people into investing?
Wouldn't feel good about it. But, um, I think.
That if I'm answering the.
Question.
It's true. Actually, if you came to me and said you have a great investment opportunity, I would. I would believe you. Yeah.
Yeah, that would be the.
Smile.
From Andy was so telling.
No, because he had.
A little.
Flicker.
Of mental note I should actually get that. Should do.
That.
Oh wow wow wow.
So what am I to do, Jack? As Andy tells me, like, oh yeah, Patty Mills, he's keen. Like, I bet if.
You talk to him, he's in a year. A perfect amount of time as well for him to go. Just put that in the back of his mind and come back around to that.
Gosh, you know, I've played golf with Pat Cummins. He's like, mate, how good's this bar, you know? I mean I was like, oh God.
Oh God. Say goodbye to that money.
Mate. If only you knew what I knew. I mean, I hope he's telling the truth here, guys. So really, the reason I went across was to go. Okay, pretty easy for Andy to be sending around to the group chat, like, oh, look at this. You know, we've found a location, you know.
Oh yeah, I just yeah.
His brother, his brother works with computers. Pretty easy to scrub the Getty Images watermark off. You know, pub under construction photos. So I really felt like I had to get boots on the ground to then turn around to Australia's most beloved people to go. Yeah, I'm 98% certain Andy Lee hasn't stolen your money here. Yes. And that's the level.
Of 4000 actors to come.
Well, we don't know because again, that's the thing of the Ponzi scheme. It seems good at the top and everyone's like, oh, look at all this payout that's going on.
But then you go to buy a beer and there's no beer. It's like, I thought this was meant to be a park.
That did good. That's why it's 98%.
All right. Yes.
Well, people can go check.
Out old mates for.
Themselves.
Oh, yeah. Just give Andy plenty of warning, because he's going to rush in there and quickly set dress it as a bar game.
The other thing that I and you have jumped in on, like to do when we're away, particularly in the USA, if we see any celebrities, we play a game called who Did I see? Yes. And we reveal different clues. And you guys normally have to guess who I saw. And I tell you where I saw them in the wild and what they were doing.
Or me. Let's not forget who I saw in Denmark.
I have.
Forgotten. Oh, it's very forgettable. Bruce Springsteen's wife.
That's right.
Bruce Springsteen's.
Wife.
Patti Springsteen.
Who is not a recognizable person, but.
She is when you Google her. And it's exactly who I talked to in the lift.
I told you that I've seen some people. You've then countered with, I also saw some people.
I know, and I'm so happy to see some people, because usually you kind of have the, you know, you've got the lion's share. You go to LA. I didn't go to LA. I just sort of flew straight to New York. So and we did, you know, you and I obviously hung out for a lot of the time in New York, and I was terrified of seeing someone with you because I didn't want to waste my celebrity points. Yes. If we were together.
We saw James Marsden together.
We did see James Marsden. I was at the basketball, but it's still that still counts. Yes. So I've got two. I've got two goodies that luckily I didn't spot with you. So we're doing it to Jack. I guess we'll do it.
Well, you don't know mine. So you can do.
You can just play as normal. Yeah. Two rounds.
Two rounds.
But then, Jack, you can discern who saw the better people. And can I just ask this, Amy, is it is it a famous person's partner or wife? No. Or, you.
Know, these are two global names that I saw.
Okay. Let's play. Who did I see? Do you want to go first? You want me to go first?
Uh, you go first.
I reckon he's one of the most famous Michaels of all time.
Michael fox. Michael J. Fox. Well, he's got it.
Wow. And knows him as Michael Fox. And then remembered that we would know him as Michael J. Fox.
Well done. Jack.
I would have thought Michael Jordan would have come out of your mouth first. Hence I had. In order to see him again, I'd need in the same situation I'd need. His flux capacitor was going to be my next guess. That's good.
I closely watch that on the weekend. Um, my. I was a little bit stumbled up there because I. I almost went for Jackson and then I went, no, no, he's he's widely believed to be dead. And I say and I say widely believed because, um, at Christmas time, one of the more interesting conversations I had with my mother in law, who I adore but who is prone to a conspiracy theory or two. Was about how she'd seen the footage of him walking out the back door of the morgue. Where he was taken.
I've never even heard of that conspiracy before.
It's out there, baby. So that's why my brain jammed a little bit. Because I was like Michael Jackson. No. He's dead. Oh, no. He's not. Oh, no, he is dead. Some believe him not to be Michael J.
Fox leaving a restaurant as we were arriving, we cross paths.
That is a great get.
And that's a great one. That's a huge star.
A little bit of. A little bit of Blake family trivia. Yeah. We watch back to the future on the weekend for the first time and yeah, hold holds up. What a.
Film. All three.
No. Well, got them excited for number one. And then the. Then I was like, guys, how's this? Number two is even better. I can't believe it. And Rudy goes is Biff in it? Yeah, he's in it. But he's not the main character.
He gets pretty prominent in number. Does he?
Does he really is. She really is talking a lot about before he hit home with her. Not so much Doc and Marty anyway.
All right. Hame, over to you.
Okay. Whilst beginning my career as a somewhat sorry, the pause sounds. I haven't written any of these.
Hasn't written.
Any of the.
Clues. I'm just trying to. I just remembered we're meant to write clues. Whilst beginning my career as a somewhat niche reporter for the BBC, my documentaries and factual specials.
Are you are Michael.
Moore.
Louis Theroux. Well done.
Well done.
So, Louis Theroux on a bus. Uh.
On a bus.
Connecting between, um, the bus that takes the passengers from the plane to the terminal at Dallas.
Airport.
Not a not a common man bus.
No, no.
Well, it was pretty common, man, I think. Um, I think there.
There's no other way to get there.
Yeah, there might be a limo, but I didn't take it. Um, yeah. No, sorry. I'm on the. Yeah, he was very close to me on the bus reading. No.
And he doing.
He's just sort of. And I was like. I sort of gave him a nod. There was parts where I was sort of looking at him like, you know, nodding big fan. He's probably 5 or 6 heads from me. So we couldn't have a conversation because they're pretty packed those buses. But he seemed a little taken aback that I was nodding and looking at him, but I am sure it was Louis Theroux.
Oh, this is so easily, really easily.
Luther is a pretty big name.
Michael J Fox is a huge star. Also, you definitely saw Michael Jackson. I saw him, which adds extra points.
I would be very surprised if this guy wasn't Louis Theroux, although you do wonder why was he flying Sydney to Dallas? We don't know.
You do wonder. You do wonder that.
Anyway, here's my second.
One.
He was a little south of his birth home of Canada.
Hmm.
Will I.
Not? Will? I met Tom green.
Tom Belushi?
No, I didn't get no, I didn't.
Get a famous Michael Mike Myers.
No, I didn't get a sniff, but Hamish's dad would have thought my breath smells like lettuce.
Justin Bieber.
Wait, what's the lettuce reference? One of my.
Dad's.
Weird.
Burns to Justin Bieber. We had this.
When we did the ping pong match.
Yeah, because Justin, I mean, God, let's see if I can remember why this happened. But for some reason, we're like, we're going to interview Justin Bieber, and then we're like, he, he he loves he loves table tennis and every at every.
Table tennis into the interview.
Exactly. They're like at every show he plays table tennis before he goes on. And he loves it. And so we're like, all right. Well my dad at the time was my stepmom's PA at a law firm and was running their intra office table tennis championships. I was like, my dad is actually decent at table tennis. Let's get Justin versus my dad in an Australian Canadian table tennis Cup. Dad had no idea who he was. Kept calling him Jason Bieber.
And Justin Bieber. At one point.
Bieber came in eating subway and and just like, had a lot of swagger about him and was just you'd have to say objectively, if you didn't know that was Justin Bieber, you go, this guy looks pretty bored. And so was just chatting to dad and continued eating a foot long.
And he said at one point he said, well, we were saying like, can we please just get some kind of rivalry going? And he said, bring it on, old man. And your dad went to go and jibe back and said, yeah, well, your breath smells like lettuce.
More confusing than anything.
It's the least smelly food.
Yeah, it's a very neutral food.
Um, anyway. Bieber.
That's great. Where'd you see.
Him? Japanese restaurant um in LA. On my way to the toilet, he was at a obviously a very good round table with just his mates wearing a beanie very high on his head. I was in a tent in the car park for overflow patrons.
Were you.
Really? Yeah.
The common tent?
Yeah. Beck was very disappointed. We booked the restaurant knowing it's a good one. And, um. Turns out.
Tent in the car park.
That was going through renovations, and we ended up in the tent. In the.
Car. Was it a good tent? Like a yurt or a.
No, no, no, no.
It was not even a standard.
Could have got it from Harry's wife.
Oh, so more like a marquee.
It was just a white marquee. Yeah. Um.
Of which you were still allowed to use the inside toilets. You didn't have a portal or something.
So you.
Had. You were allowed inside to see what better people could.
Prices were the same, which I would also.
You haven't applied the car park discount. Okay, let's see if I can knock off Justin Bieber. Walking through Tribeca, a well known trendy neighborhood in New York City, home to both Jay-Z, Beyoncé and Robert De Niro, all three of them not in the same house. But that's the kind of people that live in. Yeah, yeah, to say, but Robert De Niro's not there. Kooky. Um, you know, spare room guy? Yeah. From what I understand, everyone's doing fine. And they got their own places. Who should I see
strolling along? But none other than this actor with an amazing IMDb. Uh, spanning dozens and dozens of films. He's perhaps best known to this generation as a key character on Game of Thrones.
Ooh.
Playing a Lannister nicknamed the imp, he is of.
Ah, Peter Dinklage.
Peter Dinklage, Peter Dinklage.
Well done.
Game of Thrones and a global superstar. Yes, but.
It's no beaver.
It's no beaver. And my first thought was he does look taller. Off screen.
Oh, they make him shorter.
Peter Dinklage.
Oh.
Just a regular person.
I look. To me, I was like, that is dead set, Peter Dinklage. But you can't deny he's quiet. He's not as short as I thought he was.
What do you mean, he is?
Yeah, I mean, I don't know, but it was. He was his face.
And he wins hands down.
Really? And, I mean, it's been a been a big summer. And if you think people have been out there 24 over seven, um, 12 weeks of mandated break, just pure pleasing you. They haven't they haven't just been pleasing you. They've been upsetting you as well. And it's time to check in with them. Everything is neat and practical. Cause that's the way he likes it. But what if it wasn't? Upset, Andy. God,
there's some crackers that have been coming in. There's an upset Andy going on in my house at the moment, which you just on a day to day basis you'd sympathise with. So, you know, if you and I were married, Andy. Of which there would be some upsides. I'm not lying. Um. I think we'd have a great time if we were married. You know, physically.
What's the biggest upside?
Oh, just same wavelength, like golf. Just very relaxed.
Yeah.
Just super duper relaxed with calendars and stuff like. Yeah, sure. What do you want to do, mate? I'm just going to take off for a few days. Take five. I don't care. I'm not saying it would be, you know, but if we were married, there'd be other, obviously other issues. And I'd. You know, I'm very happy with the choice I've made. And so but at the moment we're going to in in six weeks time or so. We're going to Africa. We're going to Uganda, right as a family.
Big trip. To go to Uganda, you need yellow. Yeah. And somehow it's fallen to me. I'm in charge of getting the family's vaccinations.
Wow.
Like yellow fever. You need to get into the country, and I'm organizing the visas. You would not be enjoying my updates. Of which kid has had what? Where we're at with the visa process.
No.
Lost the email? Don't worry. No, I am going to talk to the travel.
Agent when we get to the airport. If I persist.
With you doing that.
I'm going to prove myself worthy. But the downside of getting the Ugandan visa wrong is us all at an airport in Uganda with them going, you're not coming in.
Yeah, because it only takes one to be wrong as well. Yep.
If it's mine, that's wrong and theirs is right, I think they'll go on without me.
Speaking of upset Andy's and travel based. I saw a guy at the airport and one of his clasps on his bag, you know, wasn't clicking in, you know, to lock it. And I went, oh, I'll mail you. Your bags unclipped. And he went, oh yeah.
Yeah, we did have a zip.
Just walked off, you know, like.
Sending it through the airplane.
To send.
It off. Checked baggage, checked baggage.
And it just didn't have the clip thing.
And I'm like.
Oh, mate, the bag's unclipped. And he's like, oh yeah. And he just looked at me like, oh yeah, mate, whatever. And I almost wanted to chase it down the conveyor belt just to clip it in. I wanted to go. Hang on. Is it is it? It must be broken. But it didn't seem broken. It seemed like a perfectly new bag. It just seemed like he didn't care for it. And that made me angry.
He would have been fine. He would have been fine. And God bless these people that are out there because we don't have time to check every class, man. You know, he's got time for this kind of stuff. We live in fast and loose. John. Ahoy to you.
Ahoy, boys. And, uh, happy birthday, Andy. Hope you had a good party over in New York as well. Looked, uh, looked a hoot.
He did.
He did. Mandatory hats for everyone. Hey, John, is this you or someone else that you know?
This is. This is someone else I work with. Okay, so.
You're a bit more like me, John.
I'm very like you. I'm very regimented. Organized. I like things in place, process. But, um, my colleague.
Get you to do some visas for.
Me.
If you've got a bit of time.
Happily, happily. Send it through. But, um. No, uh, let's just call her Izzy. And this is the lady I work with. Um, her and her friends. Whenever they go to a sporting game or a concert or something like that. And there's a group of, say, 10 to 15 of them. One person will buy all the tickets in bulk. And then instead of allocating them one by one to each person, bang group, dump all the tickets, all in all in a group chat. And then everyone kind of just is
a free for all for tickets. So the first person that goes through is is fine because you know they're fine. But the last person he's at the gate, you know, scanning one ticket declined. Second decline all the way to the 15th. Yeah, it sounds like a treat.
How fun. I mean, imagine how fun you are if you find out you're number 15 and you got it on the first hit you've had, you've had a fun little win. You're like, guys, I hit a 15 to 1 shot before I even got in to see Bruno Mars.
Hey, John.
Yeah.
By comparison, I'm normally the one that's getting the tickets for everybody downloaded, saved, named, then sent individually.
To people.
On the same. On the same. Saved in a Google drive. It's all labeled all everything. But thank you guys. Hopefully you had a hoot out of.
That.
John.
Self wrap.
Up.
He's out. He's got stuff to do. Hey um Geordie Geordie man he's a man. He's got some Geordie ahoy to you.
Um, how are you boys.
Yeah, very good mate. Uh, something to upset Andy.
Well, while you guys were over, um, lobbying international governments about the fake mandated break. No.
No fake. Hang on. No, no, that's.
That's fake news. They've obviously got to you.
I checked with elbow. Elbow said free country. Do what you want.
Yeah. He's actually trying to rap hard for votes at the moment. He'll say.
Anything.
Election year.
Um, but anyway. Yeah. During the mandated break. Yeah.
Well, while back in Australia, back in Melbourne, there was a series of a couple of little heatwaves and I had a wet pile of washing. I don't have a dryer. Um, so I just took it all out in one big lump. Uh, threw it on the on the washing line, and it's 40 degrees and sort of. You've of 11. I figured it's going to get dry at some point.
Hang on.
So it was just a big old ball. Like a like an enormous spitball.
It would have steamed.
The clothes.
On the inside. It would have been like manure.
And that would have kept the outside fresh. Did it work, Jordie?
It was fresh as a daisy came out. It was like it had just been at the dry cleaners.
Yeah, I believe that, Julie. Well done. I think that people go way too far with the gotta peg it here, gotta stretch it out. It's gonna dry. Let just the air will do its job.
No.
Get a system taken down. Big clothesline. You know who is taking down big Peg? Pegs the peg. Industry. Want us to think we need 100 of them? We clearly don't. We just need the clothesline and the willingness to drop it all in one load and a 40 degree day.
Think about the environment. No tags, no plastic.
Thank you. Jordy.
That's disgusting. Um. Ben. Ben, do you think you might have something to upset me?
I think you'll actually probably like this one, Andy, because I know you love efficiency and saving money, so hang on. Be honest. How many minutes do you reckon Andy wastes per week measuring out half a grain of rice worth of toothpaste. Toothbrush?
Yeah, we saw him when he bought it in those that time a couple of years ago and said, this is how much I put on. It was microscopic.
As proven by dentists. All you need.
Yeah. So, mate, I reckon he'd be wasting half an hour a week.
You'd still be on that same tube that we did the test two years ago.
Nah. Beck. Beck fiend for it. She goes double. And then often this little insight, for some reason, we've got this thing where one of us in the shower and one of them's out we go. Can I have a treat? Oh, this is weird.
Can I have it? This is worse than I'm a little boy.
What's. What's the treat? To brush your teeth?
And it's. It's. The other person will put toothpaste on that, and you get to brush your teeth in the shower. That's. I know it's stupid. That's the treat. That's the treat.
What a hoot. Don't you know it's awesome? I'm thinking of a birthday present at the moment. That's a great one. Got a little treat for you.
So Beck said the other day. Can I have a treat? I put my amount of toothpaste on and gave it to her. She's like, no, no, no, no, no, that's not enough. I said. It actually is. We discussed in the podcast dentist.
What a treat. A treat with conditions. Just do a squashed frog like everyone else. Sorry. Anyway, we're getting off topic here. Okay, Ben? Yeah. What's what's your toothpaste tactic?
And I've got a simple solution for that exact problem where you've forgot the toothpaste in the shower. So once a month, you just squirt the entire tube of toothpaste just along your bathroom vanity. And just the last little bit that's left in the tube, you just put that on the little soap holder in your shower, and then twice a day you're walking past, you're brushing your teeth. You just take a little swipe.
Brush your teeth.
And if you've forgotten it in the shower while it's there, ready on your soap. Soap holder.
You've got the portable.
You don't actually do that.
You don't actually do that.
You squirt.
Out.
I've run the numbers on this. It saves you two minutes a week. And so Andy, at your hourly rate of a thousand an hour, that's an hour 45 saved a year. So that's 1700 net. And then minus the 200 extra you're paying on toothpaste, you're coming out 1500 ahead.
That's 1500 bucks that you're missing out on per year.
So what?
What happens to the toothpaste? And by day, like 20? Yeah. Is it a bit dry?
Go dry.
Oh, yeah. But that just adds to the texture of the brushing. You ever been to the dentist? And they use the fine, granular sort of stuff in the little.
Yeah. The polish. Yeah.
It elevates it to dental quality.
That's just the old stuff.
A few hairs add to the flossing.
What about all the other stuff that happens in the bathroom? Like, because, you know, a lot of a lot of stuff happens in there, and you see those things like, you know, on TikTok and Instagram about. No. But even just like when you flush the toilet, like, oh, yeah, aerosols that get puffed up into the air.
Andy would be the only man in Australia that repackages his toothbrush into the little plastic case that it came in when he bought it each night.
So I only do that when I'm travelling and.
Say, let it, let.
It fly, let it.
Fly. One of the more.
Audacious toothpaste tactics the world has ever seen.
Saying.
Guys, tell me whether you think I'm being unreasonable.
No way.
Beck and I were staying at Crown at the in the city for a function. Right? The hotel and Beck was off getting ready, hair and makeup. And I was watching the cricket in the room, and I got a text from her stylist. Just says, are you in the room? Are you in your room? Mhm. All right. Yes. He went great cos I'd like to come up and do a poo.
Who wouldn't. And I said it's a wonderful hotel.
I said no no.
Has he got access to other toilets.
Well I said no you can't. He's like I'm busting. I said, well go to the lobby. And he said, the lobby's public. It's like, well, a hotel rooms public like.
And a lobby, a crown like that's, that's it's not a public toilet on the street. It's going to be a nice toilet.
He said yeah. Great. There. The lobby hotel. Yeah. The lobby toilets are great there.
Yeah. So he says top.
Top.
Notch.
Or the casino floor or go to the. Yeah, go to the gym.
Yeah, there's plenty.
Of options.
He said. You're being unreasonable. Just let me come up and do a poo in your hotel toilet. But hotel toilets, they've got adjoining doors. They're like.
It's like doing it in the bedroom. Hotel toilets are. It's all one room. Let's be honest. It's a glass door smell. Doesn't respect a glass door.
Yeah, especially if you're in the room. Yeah.
So I said no. And he. And he's like.
Mate, as someone that I have to schedule my hotel bowel movements so carefully as, like someone when you're on holidays or whatever with so like real like I rarely would I even go in the room.
No, I'm a lobby guy.
I think I've even talked about it before on the podcast, like we were on holidays one time and there was a gang of us, like a gang of men husbands that we realized after breakfast every morning. We were all meeting at the pool toilets because we knew what we were, knew we weren't welcome to go back to the room after having 3 or 4 Greek coffees or whatever, and we're like, oh, I know what's going on here. We're all the same blokes that have just gone for a walk before we go back to the room.
Yes. So I say, no, where are you now? He writes back. I'm in Carrie Bickmore's room. He was doing her dress, darling.
Yeah, right.
And I said, well, do a poo in her room.
Yeah, drop one a bit more. Sorry. On her account? Yeah.
He writes. No. So I wrote back. I'll ask her and then waited. 30s wrote. I've just texted her. She said yes. She said, don't be weird about it though. And just just go in there.
Don't don't mention this conversation. She'd actually like you to. Yes.
I still don't know to this day whether that's happened.
Well, he didn't come to you, didn't he?
That was the end of the.
Yeah. Odds are it probably happened in her room.
And he probably just gave her some kind of silent nod. That's not addressing it verbally.
I hope he just said, okay, you're all finished. You know, whatever. Like, here's the last zip. Yeah. And then went when did his business came out and just quietly said to her, all done. And to this day, she's like, why did he do that? Why did he do that? Got your message all done.
And first show back of the year. And, um, last year, the show ended with a triumph. Um, for one Jack post. A lot of people have been emailing us direct messages about an update on this, but if you missed it and you first new to the show, welcome by all means. But here's a little recap.
Previously on the Hamish and Andy podcast.
I want a golf cart.
Not like the one that you drive. The one that you remote.
The one that you drive.
Golf.
Buggy? No. The one that you drive.
Jack. They're like 15 grand, aren't they?
We will look into this for you.
Hey, Andy, it's Andrew from Club Car here. We'd love to help out with the golf cart. We'd only be able to provide one load due to expense, but hopefully you can understand that.
I would be happy to accept one golf cart. And for you guys to not get one. Yes. Brutal.
We saw a man stabbed two people in the back at the same time, which is difficult, requiring both hands. Yeah.
Why did we let him back there with so many knives? But he got us. And he had nothing but the dreams of driving a golf cart in his. In his eyes. Number one thing I've been asked over the break is.
Me too.
How's Jack going with his golf cart? Um.
It was club car and in golf and utility that came out and said, yes, we'll do that for Jack. Jack. I then text you the next day after and said, hey, the guys are ready to deliver it probably in the next week or so. When's convenient for you? And there was a long stall ham. And then I got a text message from Jack saying, can I call you to talk about this? So I was like, oh, is he going to ask what color, what kind of leather that is the seats like?
Because where we left off, there was a boy giddy with excitement, even even in the face of logistical questions like, where will you keep it? You don't have a garage, let alone a carport. Um, how will it be charged? You already run a power cord outside the window of your house to charge the Tesla. So where where how else could you charge such a car? But it didn't matter, because, Jack,
we should also point out to the. Because he'd figured out this loophole that if you live within two kilometers of a golf course, you are legally allowed to drive it. That's where it started.
That's where it started from hearing that information.
Well, like, well well played. Jack, you found the loophole. You called in your one big weasel ask. Well, I did everything right.
I called Jack and recorded the Conversation. And, um, if people are wondering how much he's been enjoying his golf cart, this might give you an idea.
Jack.
Andy, how are you?
Yeah. Good. What's up?
I'm calling about the golf cart. And thank you again for all the strings you were pulling behind the scenes. Um, very appreciative, uh, to know that there could be one on its way.
Yes. Yes. Yeah. No, it should be. It will be arriving soon.
I'm in a very. I find myself in a very difficult place. I'm so excited to have one. But the more that I think about the practicalities of owning my own golf cart, it just doesn't make sense.
That was the start of the call.
I'm so sad I can hear in my voice. I was so sad. I'm so sorry.
Also if. But so accept it. You know, like, I mean, you are the boss of this scenario here. You know, you lobbied so hard and you got it. I remember after we got off air in that last show, Jack and you were, like, so excited to get a golf cart. There was a moment. There was a moment where I said to you when we were talking about storing it, I said, well, I think it would just come with
a cover. Like, you can just put a cover over it in your backyard, like you don't have to keep it in your house, which I think was one of the suggestions for a while. And I and correct me if I'm wrong, but it seemed like that was the moment where you went. Hmm, a cover. And you went like a barbecue? Yeah, exactly. But it's custom made for the golf cart. And then Jack said, yeah, I don't even use my barbecue because I can't be bothered taking the cover.
Yeah. It does.
And I.
Felt.
Like.
It's got all that rain water on it and like, spiders are under there. So it does deter me from using the barbecue.
And I reckon that's where maybe the first cracks in the fantasy began. Is that a fair thing to say?
Yep, yep. It was that drive home from the podcast. I went from that happy at the last episode of last year, and by the time I got home, I thought, where? Where does this live? Where does it go?
Well, the conversation continued.
The main ones are I honestly don't have a garage or an undercover spot to put it, so it would be about building some sort of shed. Or I was looking at, um, polycarbonate online to see if I could build some kind of lean to on the side of
my house. Every time I wanted to play golf, I would have to move my regular car out of the driveway, drive the golf cart down the driveway, move the regular car back in, drive to the golf course, and by that time, I already could have driven to the golf course normally.
True. And they don't go very fast. I mean, even a kilometer at 20 k's an hour is quite like it'll be quicker to drive up. Yeah, particularly the fact that you have to rotate, you have to call Bianca, who's like managing the kids. And you're like, hey, darling, can you just move the car for me while I grab the golf cart?
Yeah, I did the test. It added five minutes.
Added five minutes.
It takes two minutes to get there in the normal car. And at 20 K's an hour, I got down there in seven minutes.
So you drove? Did you drive in your car? I drove 20 K's an hour.
Yes.
Wow. Please tell me you filmed that. Because just to see your face, even time lapse, to see your face getting grimmer and grimmer and more and more annoyed as it went on just to go. I've made a huge mistake here.
The conversation.
Continued.
Since you offered it to me on the show. I have gone to bed every night thinking about it. I so, so badly want it and I'm so excited to drive it around, but it just does not make sense. And I can't. As a true weasel hearted man, I can't fathom the fact that I've. I've done all the weaseling, I've done the hard part, and now the present is coming. And what am I just going to say no to it?
Is that what I'm hearing?
I think I'm sending Santa back up the chimney with the presents. I can't, I can't believe it. I can't believe it either. I've done. I've looked at every which way.
I made a lot of phone calls. A lot of.
God. Well.
It's okay. I think it's.
I even talked to the golf course and asked them if they would like. Is there somewhere I could store it on the golf course? And they don't do that?
It's also that you're not really having a golf cart, are you? It's not really yours. It's it's you have done the equivalent of a kid saying, I want a puppy for Christmas, but you don't want to take care of it, and you're finding it annoying.
Exactly. And what? And kids accept the puppy, and then the parents find out during the first week that they have to do all the bits and pieces. Yes. And I guess what I'm maturely trying to do here is go. I don't think I can look after this thing.
Yeah, that is mature maturity.
This this is sometimes what people think. Like with the robot shoes that I bought, that, um. You accelerate. No, no. People would think, oh, hang on a second, but is it more annoying to charge them? Lug them around?
Even even even strap them on? When you did it live at.
Comic-Con.
It took you a good ten minutes.
No. Yeah. People think it can be. It can be frustrating, you know, in the time you gain by the walking part of your life now being accelerated to a slow jog. Is that worth all that hassle? For me, it's still. Yeah. That's. It makes great sense. You have. I remember I gave them away.
Oh, that's.
Right.
I gave them to a guy who couldn't believe it. Then I couldn't believe I'd given them away because it was in the euphoria of the end of Hong Kong. And then I said, I'm lending them to you. I was like, mate, have him. And then he goes, really? I went, no, I'm lending them to you. He goes, oh, okay. I said, well, just enjoy him over summer and then I'll get him back at a future date.
Which is.
All. Put that down on something. Put that down for us to follow up this year.
Then you got to get them back on from him.
Get him back. I actually just remembered I gave him away because I didn't want. They were in my golf bag and they were so heavy. And your electronic.
Drum kit from the guy we can't find.
No, no, no. I know he's it's Martin or Martin's. I can like stuff.
I need to get back.
I can get to the bottom of that.
Thank God, because the golf cart would have been given away as.
It would have been.
It would have been given away to someone else. And we'd be sitting here going, no, it's Eric or Edward, or someone's got the golf cart. Well, no surprises.
The the conversation did end up taking a turn, and I think everyone probably predicts where it's going, but this is how it turned out.
Is there any chance to get, like you mentioned off air, that there's these things like a golf buggy, which is a little remote controlled buggy that.
Oh, God. I'm hanging up on you.
Can I get that to club car, too? Those I don't know.
All right. Good to chat. See you.
Sorry. So you're still trying to leverage it at the end into another thing?
I just hated the fact that I'd done the weaseling. We'd had the agreement, and now I was going to get nothing. And I've actually got. I thought of something over the summer that might be able to work because we gave club car all the like, cheers and said like, thank you, thank you club, car, club, club. We mentioned about.
Coming with a list now.
No, no, I just thought maybe because my, my.
Local this is.
A, I thought maybe a good way to solve it and I'm not taking the car. So they save money, but they got a whole lot of, um, promotion for free.
Yeah, but that's just because you fumbled the pass.
Would would they? My local golf club has club cars. Would they do like a voucher system where I don't have to pay for a golf cart and they just.
Give me.
Like ten, even ten vouchers?
How much does it cost to hire a golf cart for $40? So you want to go to your club and go? Because I said the brand name of your carts a lot on a podcast, would you now negotiate with the company that gives us the golf carts, golf carts for me to ride around in them for free?
No. The company, the company would issue a voucher and I would just have to give it to the golf club and they would know what it was. I wouldn't have to explain it to every.
Voucher, just get money. Like what is.
The.
Point.
Of.
Confusing vouchers? It's.
Just, you No, I've never heard anything more complicated in my life. Hi. Yeah. Um, my name is Jack, and I actually did a summer promotion.
Coca.
Cola on Instagram. So I know you're McDonald's, so, like, it wasn't I didn't do it for McDonald's. But I have a deal with Coca-Cola where I am allowed to drink as many Cokes as I want anywhere that sells them. And I have a letter from them because I did this. Yeah, it's an Instagram thing. So does that make sense? So yeah, I get up to $8 worth of Coca-Cola products per day, can be a fan day can be anything I want. But is that is that could you is your manager here.
Because the voucher would just say they would just scan it and it would tell it in the system.
What's this system? This system doesn't exist.
No, the answer's no.
Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week. Catch up or contribute at Hamish and andy.com.