Ep 422: Listener questions about leadership (Part 6)

things to talk about that were that were important. We've had a lot of great conversations over the last five weeks talking about this stuff, and on today's episode, there's there's one question left that I want to go over because I think it is I think it's important, especially as a person moves up in their leadership career. I think this is this is more likely to be a problem when a person is further along in their career

than when a person is just starting out. The question came from a listener who says that basically they have a tough time with the amount of digital communication that

is being asked of them. That they're they're used to talking to people in person, whether it be over a video call or you know, actually a conversation in person, and they've moved into a leadership role and now so much more of their communication is done via email or Slack or message, you know, whatever the cert whatever the the app is, that is the app of the day, all these different things, and they they find themselves feeling like they're being miss misinterpreted, or that people are uh

are are not. They're having a problem with what they're saying over those those apps or those messages because they feel like their their intention is being lost in the in the context. And I think it's a real concern for a lot of people. And I know people over the years who have virtually stopped communicating digitally and we'll just pick up the phone and call people because they just don't want this to happen. I don't think that's

necessarily solution in the age that we're in. You have to be able to use these tools effectively, but but it can come back to bite you if you don't use them correctly.

What I mean, like, it definitely is I think the speed of which things happen this day and age, and the speed of which decisions happen, because I really think a lot about this, like what is the difference over the last couple of decades when it comes to.

to manage. But it doesn't change the fact that this skill and this capability and this understanding of how to how to send digital communication is going to be critical and there's a lot of things that are being done

now in technology day even help to craft messaging. And then there are things that you've even seen generationally, and I'm an example of one of those things, which I saw the other day was like how different you know, how how different generations you know, communicate via digital And one of the things that they say, like millennials do and I'm guilty of this, is they type L O L on everything. Right, It's just a it's a way

of softening whatever the message is. It's a way of letting somebody know like, yeah, I'm responding, but it don't take this serial or you know, like it's not a you know, it's like if something was to happen and I just say thanks, that can come across as you know,

like like I don't know, like condescending. It can come across as like sarcastic, I guess, or I could say thanks Lol, it seems softer, right, like like it doesn't seem like it's so like there are things that I already read in this article that I do that are just things that I didn't even really realize that I

was doing. But these are things that I think are important as we all get more and more comfortable with a style of communication that gives absolutely no nuance at all, right to thoughts, to feelings, to joking around that type of thing. So I think it's definitely something that we can continue to talk about. And I think that that leaders, especially as you continue your career, you spend more time doing this than less time. It's really important that you get good at it right for sure.

or with what the expectations are. Uh And and I think that the different ways of communicating, you know, they they can muddy the waters if they're not used correctly.

And so you know, one of the one of the pieces of advice that that I always I got from a leader once that I that I really value was that if if you wouldn't, if you wouldn't be comfortable with whatever you're about to type being displayed on the JumboTron in Times square, then don't type it, because if that's the litmus test, that that's the kind of the bar, then significantly less things would be sent digitally. Right, you'd pick up the phone and call somebody, or you'd wait

till you were with them face to face. You know, the things that belong in let's let's start with, you know, one of the most common start with email. The things that belong in email can communications. They should be They shouldn't be misinterpretable at all. You should be able to send an email to ten different people and then ask them to tell you what was said. There shouldn't be any variation between what they respond back with because what

you've put is purely factual. There's not a a hint or an element of subjectivity or or emotion or you know, sarcasm or any you know, if you're trying to lighten up your emails as a leader with l ols or jokes or whatever that is, then that implies that what was said first in the email doesn't belong in an email to begin with, because there shouldn't be anything to lighten up. There shouldn't be anything to soften, you know, it should just be a kind of a factual communication.

And then there are other methods you have of communicating that that might be you know that are that are better than email. When it comes to those things, whether it be a video call if you have a remote team, or an actual phone call or waiting till you're in person to explain something. An email could be a recap of a conversation you already had, so there's no way to misinterpret it. It's just kind of like, hey, just make sure we're on the same page. I do that often.

I'll have an hour long conference call with a team of people, and then I'll send a follow up email, you know, on after the call, like just to make sure we're all on the same page. This is what I heard, This is what my responsibility is going forward, like my homework to do for until the next meeting. This is what somebody else is doing. And it's not in a very factual way, almost bullet point way, so that so that people have kind of like a record

or you know, the meeting minutes, if you will. But but no one could look at that and think, oh, Chris has a negative intent when it comes to this, I might get something wrong. I might have put a responsibility on one person where it belongs to somebody else. But but that could be corrected, right like you respond, Oh no, it's this person, not this person. That's fine. No one's gonna get offended by that. They're just going

to correct it and move on. If a person has the ability or even the potential of misinterpreting something where they think that that you either are angry with them or or annoyed with them, or stand offish with them, or that the relationship isn't where it needs to be, then that thing shouldn't belong in an in an email communication. It should belong in a conversation.

you can do on informing. There's questions that you can ask there's a lot that you can do in the digital space, in the digital world, and so and and and the speed of which you know, I can send something. And again, like I can just tell you in my own habits that I tell my teams. I'm like, if it's an email, most of the time, it's just forwarding some information, or if I ask a question, it's like

get back to me when you can. Right I'm gonna utilize like text message if I have an immediate need or I need you to have some information like right now, and you know something that's important today that you need to have access to, And then I might use a different vehicle if I want it to be something that is more collaborative and something that's easily searchable or that it's it's you know, it's it's something that we may need to look back on because people save text messages,

delete text messages like you know that type of thing. But a different platform that maybe your organization uses allows you for different levels of collaboration but also easy easier to search different things. So you know, I think that there's a ton of value in all the digital communication.

But to your point, like the time of understanding, like what is used for what and then how you get the most effective responses is going to come down to how you communicate in these platforms, but also like the reflection of you, like like, I think that's an important part of it, is that when you have the face to face time and the interactions, that's how people read you.

takes time. So again, if you're if you're a new leader, if you're if you're leading a new team, if you're new to an organization, all these things right off the bat are going to be looked at and considered because nobody really knows you yet, like that in spaces, and you've got to be able to understand that when you initially start to communicate via digital world.

nothing is misinterpretable the best. You know, it's like what's the what's the term, the football term the or you know, the sports term, the best defense is a good offense, or the best offense is a good defense. You know that kind of thing. This is the exact same thing. The best way to make sure that that you're not going to be misinterpret digitally is to not use digital communications. Right,

So that's that's the best way. That's not possible. So so let's figure out what the right way is, which is to if you're if you're new to a team, or if you're communicating with people with whom you don't have a lot of history of communication with, or people who don't know personally, people who you haven't interacted much, then then that way of communicating needs to truly be segregated to the factual kind of recap informational email kind

of thing. If it's if it's something that is that could be misinterpreted, but the person you're sending it to is someone who you have a decades long relationship with with with hundreds of in person interactions and an assumption of positive intent between the two of you. Then there's almost nothing you could say digitally that they would misinterpret because they're they're looking at it in the context of

the entire relationship with you. And so that's really what it comes down to, is that is that if you're being misinterpreted by somebody because of something you sent digitally, it means that the relationship a isn't there to begin with, right, so that the work needs to be on there because the failure is a in the lack of relationship, and b in the assumption that there was a relationship when there wasn't one so that you could use this method of communication, and and the the you can you can

get past the first one by having a relationship with somebody, but that takes time. It's not something you've been forced to happen. And and the it's about quantity and quality. So you can't just say, oh, I've had two interactions with this person over the last six months, but they've both been really positive interactions. Yeah, that's that's not enough right if you if you have an interaction with that person every day for the last three months, that is enough.

Right unless those interactions are not quality interactions, and they are they are antagonistic, or there is a kind of a rift in the relationship, then that again, then don't use the digital communication for whatever you're trying to say unless it's factual and informative. And so it's a both.

You have to have the the history and the quantity of the relationship and it has to be a good relationship in order to be not misinterpreted in something that isn't isn't just factual or informative, and those conversations belong in person or you know, over video call or whatever it is, so that you are far less likely to be misinterpreted. And then the email comes after the fact to follow up. Hey, just just verifying what we talked about. I want to make sure you have a record of

this so that we can, you know, move forward. And I think if you if you think about why leaders don't go this route, it's expediency, right like it's it's they know that they know they have positive intent. I know I know I have positive intent, so they they should assume that I have positive intent. Okay, yeah, in a perfect world, yes, but that's not how it always works. And so you can't just assume that because you have positive intent that they will accept it that way or

they will interpret it that way. If the goal is just, hey, you know what this is. This is the way it is, they can take it or leave it. Sure, maybe, but but that's not what most relationships between a leader and employee are. In most relationships, the win isn't communicating effectively. The win is some type of behavioral change or follow up or action on the part of the person that you're sending the communication to that is needed in order

to consider to be considered a success. So if your boss is looking at whether or not the thing was done, and it wasn't done, but they look at you and go, oh, well, look at you. Clearly sent them an email. You're off the hook there. That's not how that's not how things work. Usually the boss will come to you and say, why isn't this done? Oh well, I send them an email, right, but but then what did you Yeah, that's that's not enough.

It has to be done. So if the goal is that behavioral change or the action happening, then then you have to do what is needed to alter your communication style or method or venue of communication to get the result you're looking for. That's the win, is the result you're looking for, not just to be able to expediently send them information.

this area. And the way to do this is when you are writing something that is going to be sent in an email or you know, via any type of digital communication, to save it as a draft or as a you know, take a screenshot of it or write it in a note somewhere and have somebody else look at it first someone that you that you trust to look at it to tell you how they would interpret it.

And if you really want to take this to the to the place where it should go, the person who you should ask to do this is the person who reached out to you at one point to say I didn't like the way you communicated this, and and your reaction was, oh, my gosh, that's not what I meant. Because that person is being honest with you already, and

you know they will. If you go to the person who's just you know, your closest friend in the workplace, it is likely that they will interpret it differently than a person that you're sending it to to begin with. And if they look at it go yeah, it's great to me. Well, yeah, that means that when they received it they wouldn't interpret it negatively. But that doesn't mean that a person who doesn't have a relationship with you

also wouldn't interpret it negatively. It could mean that, like, that might be the right person, but you want objective eyes to be looking at this. So this is someone who you can trust to give you the right answer, but but who isn't already so familiar with you that they can read through the nuance that might be in a piece of communication and not interpret it negatively, go to the person who had the problem to begin with, and you're likely to solved both problems at the same time.

to work on this, it does take a partnership. It does take people around you, and to your point, it takes the people that maybe it hasn't landed with well because they're the ones who have a different filter or different perspective or to your point, of different relationship, and you know they're going to they're going to have the most amount of information on what you can do differently or how you can adjust to not come across in

certain ways. And like, look, you know, the underscoring answer to all of it is like, spend time with those people and more time with them, and you'll build a better relationship and you'll.

about them that are not work related. Develop a rapport with them based on things that are not just what the job is, and you are far less likely to be misinterpreted because a person can read something and think, oh, I feel like I know who this person is I don't think they would say it this way. I don't think they mean this even though it's easy to interpret

it this way. That's the ultimate goal, that's the that's the armor against it, because then even if you do something incorrectly, it's not going to come back and bite you because no one's going to misinterpret it. No one's going to have a lack of clarity. That's the ultimate The step one is to be very clear on what you're using each thing for and kind of towing the line on where to do this and where to do that.

That's what you do while you're building the relationships. But if you're doing that for a long time, that implies you haven't put the work into the relationships to where you feel like you still have to do all these things. In an ideal world, you get to a place where this is less needed because the people you're talking to on a daily basis are the people who have a very strong relationship with you.