Welcome to heck Can your Leadership. I'm Chris and I'm Lorenzo and Lorenzo.
On this episode, we're gonna be wrapping up and completing the discussion that we've had over the last several weeks on the article from the Forbes Coaches Council on advice that coaches would give to their younger selves if they could go back in time and kind.
Of start over.
I think there's been a lot of really great insights in this list. I think a lot of great advice, some of which I've been pretty good at taking over the years, and some of which I need to kind of tell myself over and over again to get better
at taking. But it's all good stuff. And I hope you know from a listener perspective that you found some something in here over the last few weeks that has led you to go, you know what, I got to get better at that, and that it's kind of helped you and you're in your own leadership and coaching journey. On this last episode of this series, we're gonna be talking about the final piece of advice in this article.
It says it doesn't matter if you are liked or right, and that's I think it's a little bit of a sensationalized or clickbaity title here. It says, regardless of who you are coaching or mentoring, or the situation, the guidance the older me would give to the younger me is that it doesn't matter if you are liked or right. My job as a coach is to help others create their own insights. My brain used to trick me into thinking it was important to be liked by those I
coached and to be right. I found out later in life that neither of those things mattered. Insights do. Let's start by saying that, first of all, it doesn't mean that you can be a jerk to everybody. And as long as they get better at what you're coaching them on, that's okay. I think that this is a you know, you just can't. You can't place them on a hierarchy above each other. You can't sacrifice effective coaching because your desire in the moment is to be liked by the
person you're coaching. That they they do, they should like you, and if you're an effective coach, they will likely like you more as time goes on. Anyway, but at some point in time as a coach, you will have to make the decision to do something that may not cause them to think the highest of you in the moment, because what you're doing is you're you're placing the importance on them creating their own insights and getting better at the thing that you were entrusted to get them better
at doing through that coaching process. So I think if you look at it from that, from that standpoint, I think it's it's pretty pretty good advice.
Yeah, as you were talking through that, I was immediately you know, flashed back to high school basketball.
Yeah, and drills that.
We would do, and you know, we would do full court drills passing the ball without the ball ever touching the ground, and it was the whole idea was like move fast, move quick, move with intention, like throw the past the ball where the person's going to be. And every time that the person didn't catch the ball or that the ball you know, kind of stumbled to the ground, it was get on the line, go run.
Sprints and drop the ball.
Everybody everybody, right, And you know what, we didn't like the coach that much at that point, right, we did not like the coach, but it was it was it was the tension of like, if you, you know, if you make these mistakes, if you don't pay attention, if you're not fully focused on what's ahead of you, you know, then then there's gonna be some repercussions for that. And so like it's kind of a those moments of a coach, especially in sports, is like, I'm going to continue to
be here until you get this right. And and you know, it's it's not a matter of like, oh, you tried, you guys tried your best.
You know, here we are again.
We did another two hour practice and and you almost were able to pass the ball to.
Each other effectively.
We'll try again next week, right, Like, no, there's an expectation and there's a intensity and that type of thing
when it comes to sports coaching. And I think in this context kind of what you were sharing and talking about is exactly that is, like there are going to be times and conversations and dialogue and you know when you're going to have to, you know, tell somebody something that that could could could maybe hurt their feelings, could could could maybe take us strike at their ego, could make them feel like, you know, that didn't feel that great or I thought that you were telling me I
was doing good or I thought that yet. Yes, yeah, that doesn't make these things not true. But in this moment, I'm gonna have to share this with you, and and you're gonna have to hear it. And it might be the first time they've heard it. It might be, you know, the second or third or fourth time they've heard it from somebody different. But I think that there's a part of that where it's like, if you're truly invested in helping them make that person better, then that's the priority.
The priority is that, and that means that you're gonna have to do both like the recognition, great job, good attempts. You know, I'm glad that you're figuring out to the Hey, we've talked about this three or four times now, and it's just it's not getting better. And it's not just about whatever that outcome thing is, but it's like the behaviors, your approach, what we've talked about. You're not implementing these things, you're not actually attempting to get better. That's that's a
part of the dialogue. And to be the most effective, I think you've got to be that way. And I think of like people and leaders that I've worked with, you know, the leaders that I've worked for, those that I've worked with me, those that you know have reported directly to me. Some of the best I would not even say some all of the best relationships with those leaders are ones that I know that they will tell me something or say something to me that that I
need to hear or that that is true. And and again I don't I don't take those, as you know, strike at my character or eliminating my entire body of work in my career. But I appreciate those conversations because I know that I have somebody who cares about my success and knows me as a person and knows my intentions for the most part, and like is looking to try.
To help me to get better at something. No, you're You're not wrong about that at all.
I do think that you earn that in the relationship, though, meaning if you start out as the person who says, you know, I don't care whether this person likes me or not, I'm just gonna be there coach, regardless of what that looks like. You aren't necessarily helping them to
get better at what they're doing. If they haven't accepted you as a as a as having the authority not just the the the authority from a from a training or a knowledge standpoint, but almost the moral authority to tell them that they're doing something wrong.
And I know plenty of people who.
Who if I if the think the things that I would say to them today in a coaching relationship, because I know that we have trust and and I know that they know that my goal is to get them better at the thing that they're doing. Those things that I can say to them they might sting a little bit in the moment, but they are helping them become better at what they're doing. If I started out the relationship saying those things, it never would have taken off to begin with. And so it's a it's a little
bit of a dance. I don't think you can you can approach a coaching situation from day one with the same kind of the same mo that you would do it on day thirty or day sixty. People need to see that you are effective before they will trust that the good outweighs the bad. Meaning, if an effective coach is giving me advice and it stings and it hurts my ego, but I can look back and go, yeah, but you know, with the last eight things they said, we're all spot on.
Then I'm likely to go check my ego. This is probably right.
If I have none of that history and it's just the very first thing they've ever said to me, there's that part of me inside that wants to go, who are you to tell me this? Right? And I think that if you were an effective coach, you have to look at all of it in the bigger picture, and sometimes it means in a coaching relationship you start out slow from a standpoint of we have to build trust.
We have to build a relationship so that I can say to you the things that need to be said without you know you deciding you know what, I don't want you as a coach anymore.
I'm going to get somebody else, because.
I think it's human nature to do that unless you are just really unless you have really no ego at all, like if you if you doesn't matter, and maybe that's the case if you're just starting out. If you're just starting out and you're not expected to know anything, then then that's fine. But if you're further along in your career and you have experience and you feel like I know some stuff. I've been around, I know some stuff. Then someone coming in and coaching. The relationship has to
be built first. But once that relationship is built, I think this advice is spot on that the that helping a person create their own insights and get better is what's more important than you know, having them like you every moment or in the moment. And I think that that coaches who you know, kind of sacrifice those insights from the standpoint if I want to be liked, you know, that's I mean, it's like you see it.
You see it in politics.
I mean, there's no shortage of politicians out there who you know, they they depending on what group they're talking to, they say different things or they you know that you can't really tell if they actually have any beliefs because they just, you know, tend to want to regurgitate what they think the people want to hear in the moment. That's the exact same thing they're they're trying to be.
They're trying to be liked as opposed to you know, kind of standing on something and saying I think I'm right here, and so yeah, I think if you're helping a person get better. Then it doesn't mean you can be a jerk as long as you help them get better. But it does mean that that at some point in time you're going to have to decide that helping them get better or or what's better for the long term has to outweigh just their feelings about you in the moment.
Yeah.
No, I think it's a great call. And it can be really easy again to want to feel like every conversation that you have with someone that you are coaching, right in this context of like how to be a better coach, it's that that ability to know that sometimes they're not going to feel great about you as a person maybe or in the moments the direction or the feedback or whatever you have given them. But it's such
an important thing, you know. And I know this is the last of all of the seventeen that we went over, so I wanted to ask you kind of as we wrap this up, are there any that really really stuck out to you as like the big major ones. You know, we talked about all of them. There are definitely some for me, you know, I will share with you. I think the first one we talked about was listening as
a superpower. That's such an important, important, important piece of like really listening to to hear and to comprehend and to consider before listening to respond. I think as something that is a major piece of being a great coach.
I think, you know, failure is an attempt in learning, you know, understanding that you're not going to always get it right, that that that you're going to take some risks, you know, try some different things, and so long as you're moving forward and learning from them, and that's a great, you know thing, and like it might not feel good in the moment, but it's absolutely necessary for your own
kind of progress and growth. I think asking questions is powerful. Again, that listening and asking questions, asking the right questions and asking them in a way that's genuine curiosity. But helping others to kind of connect the dots for themselves I think is big. And then finally build and nurture in
your network. That one for me as well, I think that's such an important piece of you know, creating opportunities and spaces for you to learn as a person, for you to learn as a coach, and again not just having a network, but actually like nurturing your network and real dialogue, real conversation, allowing there to be convers allowing there to be questions and conversations about what are the things that are going well for you, what are the
things that you're struggling with, and how can those of your network help you out? So, like, those are kind of my top hits of the seventeen How about you?
Yeah, So I have three, and one of them is build nurture network. I think of my top three, that's that's one of them. I can't stress how important that is, Like I, network is everything, your people, your circle of people, the people who you can rely on and who can rely on you when times are tough and when times are easy and you just need some advice. That cannot be overstated enough. The other two that I really like a lot are number eight and number ten. Number eight
is follow your passions. I think it's really difficult to be great at something that you don't care about. I think you can be good at something you don't care about. I know plenty of people who are good at a lot of things that they don't care about, and they and they and they almost wish they weren't because it gets them painted into a corner. Sometimes where they're doing things they don't want to do because they're good at them,
but they're not going to be great at them. And I think this idea of following your passion and you know, trying to fill your life with the things that you care the most about, I think that can drive a lot of success in a lot of areas because you I mean, I just look at it from a standpoint of like my two my two older kids, they they're very different people in terms of what matters to them and when it comes to school, and so for for one of them, you know, one subject might be just
like it's really interesting to them, and so they do really well in it, and for the other person that same subject, they don't care about it all and so they have to really study hard. They have to really struggle and study hard in order to do well on that subject. And it's and and the reverse is true for another subject. And so you know, just the idea that you that you like something, that that you're passionate about it, that it kind of ticks off that box.
I think it means that the the reading that you do and the the the curiosity that you have about it is naturally there. If you like something, you're passionate about it, and I think that that can that can really drive success in that in that area. Uh. And then number ten is cherishing resilience over success. I think I think this is great advice, not just for coaches but for people in general. This this idea of success being what you're looking for sure on the long term.
But the people who are not resilient, they might have a lot of talent and they might get a lot of success over and over and over.
Again from the very beginning.
But if they if they're not resilient people, they will be derailed by their first failure. And and if you if you bring up people and you coach people to be resilient, they can overcome an unmeasurable amount of failures on their way to success. Because if you're trying to get good at something and you're starting out at the bottom, there's going to be a lot of failures. There's going to be a lot of you know, big and small failures on the way to success, and you have to
have that resilience in order to get you there. I think it's something that everybody can struggle with on some level, some people more than others. But you know, it's it's what I what I try to instill my own kids is resilience, and it's when I'm when I'm coaching or mentoring somebody, I try I try to instill that in them as well. Is having that resilience. And don't don't
worry about the success at first. Worry about making sure that you pick yourself back up when it doesn't go the right way, and then eventually you will get to success because you have the stamina to get there.
So I think those are those are my three favorites.
Absolutely, And with that it brings us to this episodes one Minute Hack. But first a few words from our sponsors.
All right, for this episode one minute Hackers, I want you to do. We've been posting the link to this article in every episode of this series that we've done. But open up the link in the podcast, read through the article. It's not a long read, maybe three or four minutes, and pick the two or three items that resonate with you the most and write them down, actually
manually write them down. Don't type them, don't copy and paste them, write down the actual advice itself, and then write down the things that you think you need to do in order to get better at these particular things. The ones that resonate with you aren't necessarily the ones you're good at or the ones you're terrible at. They're the ones that when you when you read them, you think yourself, Yeah, that's important, that that thing right there,
that's important. So for some reason it sticks with you, and and and you know how important it is. So start with those things because it's it's all good advice.
But the ones that you are likely to follow and get better at are the ones where there's that kind of inherent starting off point of you can tell it's important, and you know it's important kind of in the in your soul, and so you you kind of you you'd haven't, you'd have less of a problem taking the steps necessary in order to follow this advice because you already inherently know it's it's a it's the right thing to do.
So write those things down and kind of live with them, you know, bring them, bring them along with you, bring them to meetings that you have to to one on ones that you have when you're coaching somebody, and and try to follow that advice in the moment as you're coaching others or as you're being coached.
Yeah, I think it's a great woman hack. And again it's like these types of articles and uh, just gaining perspective from other leaders that have done this level of work I think is super helpful as we've had a lot of conversations about these topics, and I think that from a leadership standpoint, taking the time to really dig in self, reflect, write it down, consider you know, what are the things that you're going to take away from other people and other leaders who have some lived experience
here and are saying, hey, here, here are the things that I would tell you that I would tell myself to like help me move faster, move more effectively, more efficiently in the work that I'm doing. And you know, we always love to pay it forward and highlight other leaders and other articles and other shows around content that can be helpful in helping you be the best leader
that you can be. So yeah, I think it's a great hack, and we'll continue to look for opportunities to discuss things like this, and you know, look for different series that we can kind of dig deeper into to give you our perspective on some of these.
Topics, right for sure, And again we said at the very beginning of the series, but being an effective coach is becoming so much larger a part of what it means to be an effective leader than it ever has before. A lot goes into being an effective leader, but coaching effectively getting people to make small.
Changes in the way they do things that.
Lead to broader and bigger outcomes in a way that puts your own ego aside and puts places a higher value on whatever those outcomes are from that person and how they get better. The people who can do that well, I think that it becomes it's a pretty big forgiver of other leadership shortcomings. If you are an effective coach, and I mean really effective in terms of getting people to get better at the things they need to get better at.
You are well on your way to being.
A very effective leader as a as a whole.
So start with these things.
If you are interested in pursuing a career in leadership, or if you already are a leader and you're trying to get better, start with these things because they will they will help you in other areas of leadership as well, and they will they will start setting the precedent from a lot of a lot of people that they will have the opinion of you as someone who is an effective leader, because oftentimes really effective coaching can can be interpreted as great leadership.
In and of itself.
Absolutely, and with that it brings us to the end of this episode. This is hacking your leadership. I'm Lorenzo and I'm Chris, and we'll talk to you all next time.