Welcome back in your leadership. I'm Chris, I'm Lorenzo, and Lorenzo. On this episode, we're continuing our discussion on the Forbes article written by their coach's counsel on the pieces of advice they would give to their younger sells or you know,
people to themselves earlier in their career. We've been doing this for a few weeks now, and the advice is really good advice, Like there's there's a lot of things on there that can help you become not just a better coach, but a better leader and even ah you know, better in relationships in general as you go through your career. On the last episode, we talked about following your passions and knowing your worth. On this episode, the first one I want to go over is the idea of resilience
over success. And I've heard this a lot, kind of more recently in the last couple of years. This idea of that the you know, kind of like the if you're if you're a leader of people and you're looking for where your talent lies, you should be looking for areas of resilience more so than success, and so the ability to bounce back, the ability to pick yourself off, pick yourself up, and dust off the knees and get back at it after something didn't go the right way.
And the reason why that is being kind of more valued now than it has been in the past is because it's possible to be successful at something accidentally almost you know, it's possible to have like the beginner's luck or you know, maybe a streak of beginner's good luck. But if you don't know how somebody is going to react or respond when that luck inevitably runs out at some point, because it will, then you don't know, really you know how solid a person or well rounded a
person you have. But a person who can get through the failures of life and the issues and the problems, those are people who you know, once they find success, that's great, and then when they're not finding it, you don't really have to worry much about kind of picking them up because they can pick themselves up.
Yeah, we talk a lot about things like perseverance and grit, and I've shared i think probably on the show a few times and also what leaders that I talked to. But what we don't talk about is like what it feels like to have to persevere and when you have to use crit and those are not fun places like that, those are those you know but by definition, right, you're having to work through something that you really don't want to have to work through, or that you don't have
a choice but to work through. But they are such critical elements of who we are as people, and it's a great measurement in understanding or assessment of how you know, people will show up for themselves and for others when they can explain and walk you through some of the resilience they've had in their life or you know, times when they've had to be resilient. So like it's it's one of those situations where I think it's wrong when leaders want to say, like, well, I'm going to create
an environment like to make you more resilient. That's like you it just means you're gonna be a jerk. You know what I'm saying, Like you're gonna be a jerk. And then you're basically telling people that just to deal with me. Yeah, execut I've testing them right, Yes, you're you're going to be a jerk. And you're telling your people that like you're gotta they gonna deal with you
being a jerk. That's not it, right, No, not not as something that is a takeaway, that is something that's going to be impactful, that's going to help them in the future understand when they have to be resilient and and you know why it's such an important thing. I think as well, especially in the space of leadership, that there is a there's an alignment of resilience with tenure, meaning that the longer that you do a job, the more likely you are to run across things that are
going to cause you to have to be resilient. And you're gonna you're gonna feel that effect of having success and then having to have more success on top of the success. So it's like it's kind of with the whole Like you did great this year, Well, then what happens next year? Right now, you have to do better than what you did this year. So like there's this kind of built in element that is requiring you to kind of get better year over year over year, and
sometimes that's just not going to happen. That's not going to be the case. There are going to be things that are going to impact your business, your team. Maybe you developed a bunch of people and they've all gotten promoted, they've moved along. Like, now you have a team that you know where the outcomes of the team months ago or a year ago were phenomenal, but now the team's different and now you have to you know, help to
teach and to mold again. These are all elements I think around resilience that as a leader, when you work through all of that, it helps you to understand in the long term that you're going to come across these pockets and these hurdles, but you're built to be able to work through them.
Yeah, you're spot on with that. I think it's you know, we talk about oftentimes when someone is is blessed with failure, you know, I for that term used before you earlier on in their career or in life or in general. And so like here's my my hecking leadership BINGO parenting reference here. You know, when when my four year old doesn't get what she wants for dinner, it's the worst
thing in the world. Right, When I don't get what I want for dinner, I just eat what the thing is that's in front of me instead, right, and I just move on. So this is a lot of this truly is about life experience. So the more experiences you have in life, the more you can keep things in perspective whatever that is. So when something is truly truly terrible, or if something is not that bad, the only difference between what your perspective on that is is the other
things that you've experienced in your life. You can't compare it to other people. You can't compare your life to others or to you know, to judge. It's like it's like the whole you know, how can you complain about your stub toe when someone is dying of cancer. It's like, well, because you never had cancer, right, like you have subtoe. So yes, of course you can complain about your stub toe. It's all perspective, and everybody's life and experience and perspective
is different. But once you have both of those things, you worry about the stubs toe less, right, And it's all the exact same thing. So the first time you don't get a promotion might be the worst thing in
the world. But but if you've been laid off before and then use your network to find a new job and to move on, the next time you don't get a promotion, it doesn't feel as bad because you've been through it before you have the Sometimes the resilience comes from the experience of getting through something so that you can look back at that and go, oh, you know what, I've gotten through this before, I can get through it again.
But the first time you have to go through it, it's a lot harder to get through because you don't have that perspective of that experience, you know, to try
to get through it. I think oftentimes the way that we get through things like that and how how good we are at being resilient, most of the time it comes from how strong our network is, how strong the people are around us that we can lean on, that we can ask questions to the people who can kind of read us and look at us and think, Okay, you know, christ needs some help right now, Lorenzo needs
some help right now. Let's see what I can what I can do to reach out and help out That those are the people that tend to get through things faster and to learn from them in order to you know, kind of make them happen again.
Yeah, yeah, I agree. I think that it's you know, there's so much there to unpack, Like I really appreciate that this is included in this list here, But I think we cannot understate the importance of resilience, and because I think that it it's a place where challenges when done correctly, and like when you work through it, challenges then become confidence.
You know.
It's kind of how I see the resilience piece of this, where it's like the more that you run up against some of these things and work through them, the more confidence you have in you know, in running up against
things similar to this in the future. Like you kind of stated this as well, but it's like there's there's a piece of this where it really is a necessary thing so that when you when you have these hurdles or these obstacles, you know, in your career, as you continue to elevate your career, they become a lot less like, you know, just overbearing you. Just like, Okay, I've been through something similar before, or I've felt this way before.
I felt like, man, I'm up again, something tough here, But I can now recall from how I work through it, how I made it through, and how I was more successful because of that, and that allows you to kind of have the energy to push through these things.
Right right. I like what you said there because it's less about I've done this before, because that's a very easy tie in. If you've done it before, you can do it again. But I've felt this way before, is what you said. And I like that a lot, because you might not often go through the same thing again and again and again. You might be going through different things. But if you can channel that into yourself and think, Okay, where have I felt this way before? Not just what
have I done before? Or have I done this before? Because oftentimes the things that we can do to make us more resilient are often in the feelings that we are feeling at the time and the other things that we've done in the past that made us feel the
same way. And so because the having to be resilient implies that there's there's something bad happened, something that you really wish hadn't happened happened, and however that thing is making you feel, even if it's the first time it's ever happened, you've probably felt that way before, even if
it was caused by something else. And so being able to tie those together and think about how you got through the last time you felt this way, the things that you did to get through it or the things that you didn't do and then it lasted longer and you are saying yourself, I'm never gonna let that happen again.
They're both equally important. You know, you need to be able to channel that into yourself because again, the experiences you have in life are not going to repeat themselves over and over and over again, but the feelings that you're getting and that you're having when you go through them will often repeat themselves. And finding those patterns and how you got through them is going to be key to having that level of resilience. Then the next one I want to go over in this episode is it
talks about the power of asking questions. And I like this because this can go either way. This could be a very powerful thing and you can use it well, or you could alienate people and kill relationships by doing it the wrong way. And so that's what I what I like is it's like it's not just something that's
very straightforward and just do what it says. There's a right way and a wrong way to asking questions and asking the right questions, uh, in order to you know, kind of be more successful and to have you know, stronger and healthier relationships.
Yeah, I agree with that, man. I think I've been talking a lot about not just active listening, but active questioning recently and the importance of that. Yeah, like like what questions are you asking and why are you asking
those questions? And then how are you leveling up the questions that you ask in a way that that that allow someone to provide you with their kind of non directive answer, right, and so like it's one of those things that I think a lot of times, and I guess it's just human nature, but specifically in leadership, like I'll ask you a question in a way way that you know what answer I want to hear, right, And.
Sometimes that's okay, But but if that's your go to, that but.
It's it's a lot of people's go to because a lot of them even end with like this positive affirmation that they're correct. So they'll say things like Chris, like that was absolutely the right strategy, right, Yes, of course it was there, you go see, right, versus something like Chris, I want to talk about that last strategy.
Yeah, it's leading, it's leading the witness in courtant correct, yes, Like, but this happens so so often.
It's such a part of our way of moving things faster, or looking for quick agreement, or not wanting to have the dot like I think some people do it so often they don't realize how much they do it and how it just shuts down anybody's want to have to then create conflict to say actually not right, no, no, no, I don't agree with that, like you're you're stating in such a way that it becomes an even more conflicting response because of how you asked the question versus asking
questions in a much more open way, in a way that creates a dialogue. Hey, Chris, of the strategy that we just implemented, what to you stuck out as like a big win and then what was definitely the thing that need to be addressed. Now, I'm giving you permission to tell you mean, what's wrong?
Right? And not only that, but you've removed any any hint of bias that you might have a preference or an answer that you were searching for. Because even if as a leader, you aren't unconfident in your leadership ability, even if you are completely okay with someone challenging you, if the person you're talking to is not okay with challenging you, then saying the wrong thing can stifle that in somebody, even if you weren't intending to. So it's
very this has to be done very intentionally. It can't just be that, oh, I'm not going to be a jerk. You could be not intending to be a jerk. And do these make these mistakes with when the with the questions you're asking with with no you know, bad intents at all. It's it's you're just going about your business. But if you're talking to the wrong person or a person who's just you know, less willing to challenge you or push back, you're not going to get the answers
that you need. And they might have some great insights that you're gonna you know, not pick up on because you didn't ask the questions in the right way.
Absolutely, and with that it brings us to this episodes one minute hack. But first, if you're worse from our sponsors.
All right, for this episode is one minute hack. Here's
or I want you to do. I want you to look at your calendar, at the list of kind of one on ones that you have set up with your people or that you have scheduled or coming up on the schedule, and look at each other people on there, and I want you to write down a list of questions that you plan on asking them during this one on one meeting that you have, And then I want you to practice asking those questions, either to yourself or to someone that you trust, someone that the have a
working relationship with, to see if there's that if the questions come out with any type of bias or leading in them to where you may not get the most honest answer in return, but rather an answer that the
person you're talking to believes you want to hear. Anytime you can, you know, edit those questions or use the right verbiage where you're you're essentially asking the same thing, but you're asking in a way that takes into account human emotion and the desire to please and the desire to to you know, be looked upon uh positively in a good light by your leader. All those things can can edit the way a person chooses how to answer a question, even if you don't mean to do that.
And so go through those questions and make sure make sure you ask them in a way that that makes people feel like any answer they have is right as long as it's honest. Any answer they give you that is truly rooted in what happened and what they're looking for and what they want and what they truly think. As long as it's rooted in those things and without regard to what you you want to hear or that what you want them to say, those are good questions. Yeah.
I think it's a great woman to hack and it's such an important piece I believe of leadership. When you're looking to build a culture of great dialogue and healthy debates, you know, I think it becomes it becomes conflict if you don't ask questions in such a way that people feel the ability to be able to share what they're thinking. And then you have those you know, people walk away from a meeting and be like, I should have said something like I don't agree with that, but I just
shook my head like that happens quite a bit. When you ask proper questions, and you ask them in such a way that allows people to really share what they're thinking, you have a lot less of that. They know that they have a space, they know that they can, you know, ask questions, they know they can provide their feedback or inside or pushback, and it's done in a very healthy way. Over time, that just becomes something that really helps to create amazingly healthy culture.
Right right, There's something to be said about about, you know, kind of self temperance when it comes to asking questions or raising your hand in a meeting or whatnot. This this the old adage of does this need to be said by me now? And and and you shouldn't. All three of those answers should be yes in order for
you to you know, kind of interject something. But if you find yourself leaving interactions with people or meetings often thinking to yourself, I really should have said something like you know, sometimes it's hard to recognize that you should have until the opportunity is pasted and you're kind of looking at it in hindsight. But if you do that often, then that that that will lead to a complete lack of engagement. You know, no, no one needs to No
one should feel like they can't do that. And so if the reason you're not saying something is because you think you shouldn't, and then later on you think, you know what, maybe I really should have, you know, kind of channel that into yourself and think about, Okay, these were the things I was thinking last time when I thought I shouldn't have said something, and I'm think feeling the same way now, so maybe I should say something.
And and you know, the worst that could happen is you you feel a little sheepish, and you move on. But but sometimes the most profound and important moments in a person's career happened when they chose to raise their hand and say something that needed to be said in the moment, as opposed to just keeping it inside. Those are the things that can.
Change company culture absolutely with that. This is the end of this episode. This is hacking leadership. I'm Lorenzo and I'm Chris, and we'll talk to you all next time.