Welcome to Hacking Your Leadership. I'm Chris and I'm Lorenzo. And Lorenzo on this episode, I want to talk about coaching. I cannot wait to talk about coaching. We've talked about coaching before, and I think I'm seeing a lot more emphasis on coaching as it relates to the importance of figuring out whether
a person is going to succeed or fail as a leader. And what I mean by that is that we've been talking about coaching for a long time, and we've had full episodes on just how to be a better coach to people.
I'm seeing a lot of organizations start to understand the importance of that, like they've they've used the word for a long time, but it's like a catch all term that means a lot of different things to a lot of different people, and a lot of organizations are moving into this kind of mindset where they think, Okay, we need to have a formalized process around a term whether or not a person is good at coaching, whether they are a coach,
and and that will help us determine whether or they will be a successful leader when it comes to you know, hiring and promotion decisions and so I think it's a it's an interesting kind of development that I part of me is thinking, great, this is amazing. I love that companies are doing this. The other part of me is saying, well, duh, like, why where were you five years ago? Right? Yeah, No, I
was gonna say it's it's it's not a new concept. And coaches have been around for a very long time in business, outside of business and sports and things like that. And so I think that what I've experienced as somebody who's you know, had leaders and mentors and things like that, is that, you know, some of the best leaders I've ever had have been phenomenal coaches.
They they've really, you know, done a great job at inspiring, motivating, creating vision, you know, having expectations, accountability, you know, personal and team accountability. Like there's so many layers to being a great coach, and so much of it is in the leadership space as well. And so you know, to see that now this is something that's being called out, something that you have to be a good coach. I think on
paper that makes a lot of sense. I think in reality, to understand what a good coach is, you have to have someone who can assess a coach, right, and so like that, now we start to peel this thing back to say, like, you can't just say someone's a good coach, because you know you've been told or maybe you've seen the greatest coaches have the greatest outcomes. And when I say outcomes, I don't just meet from
a business standpoint. I see it from a leadership legacy standpoint. Show me a great coach, and I should easily be able to connect the dots on the leaders that have worked for them, and then have them have themselves become successful leaders and have been able to then also create better leaders. Like that, to me is the ultimate kind of thread to pull when it comes to leadership coaching for me, right, and to pull words directly from your mouth
that you've said many times before. You can talk about something in terms of being able to measure it or figure out how good somebody is at it, you have to define it first. You have to define what coaching or anything is. Otherwise you could be talking a different language than someone else and neither of you could be wrong. Right. It's just a matter of it's making sure that when you're having these conversations that everybody's on the same page for what
this means. And so what this brings me to is an article that I saw on the Forbes Leadership Network around It's an article written by their Coaches Council, and these are people who are nationally recognized coaches, like actual formal coaches, and they've built businesses around being coaching, being coaches, coaching other people and turning leaders into coaches themselves. And they have this list of things that
they would this is advice that they would give their younger selves. So this is these are things that coaches know to their core to be true, and they may not have known those things to be true when they started out,
and they wish they had. And a lot of these things are really good in terms of if you are trying to become a better coach, these these are absolutely things that you need to think about getting better at because this will make or break you as a coach as and then therefore as a leader as well. There's a lot of them on here, There's almost twenty of them, and so we're going to go over them on a few different episodes.
I don't even know how long this is going to take to go through them, but there's some of these, you know, require maybe a minute or two of talking, but some of them require a lot of in depth kind of analysis, and I want to make sure we have time to do that because they're all really important pieces of information or pieces of advice that if you are trying to be a better leader, this is where you'd want to start.
You want to start with becoming a better coach, because there are people who are good at coaching who aren't necessarily great leaders, but there are aren't any great leaders who don't know how to coach like it is is absolutely part of that thread of being an effective leader, and if you aren't good at coaching, you definitely will not be an effective leader, and your leadership crew
will probably be stagnated or cut short. Of the many that are on here, the very first, one, really important place to start out is it talks about listening being a superpower. And I've had I've heard this term before.
Listening is a superpower. The difference between a person who is listening to me in order to just make sure they're being respectful while they wait for their place to speak is very different from a person who I can tell is listening because they're actually trying to learn something, and they haven't even they don't even know what they're going to say yet because they haven't developed it in their mind, because they're just listening right now, and what they want to say isn't
isn't already a baked pie, which it can't be because what I'm I'm saying to them should impact what they have to say next, and if it doesn't, then that means they weren't even listening to me to begin with. They were just waiting to kind of, you know, coach me up or or give me, you know, whatever they wanted to say. Yeah, it's such a great point, you know. It's I was talking to somebody about this the other week and it was kind of like are you listening but are
or are you hearing? Or are you hearing? But are you listening? And we were having this conversation around this, and it's such a critical critical point here. It's like understanding And I when I think of listening, there's
like the element of like listening to somebody in a conversation. But I also believe that, like when I say the term listening as talking about definition, I'm also like listening, Like I see that as observing as well, like listening to what your business is telling you, listening to what your customers might be telling you, listening to what your people are telling you through their behavior.
So not the actual like literal term of like not just listening to what they're saying and taking that in and then and then understanding how you want to respond, but like, are you away of things that are going on? Are you are you listening and watching for the nuance and conversations? Are you seeing things when leaders may feel uncomfortable in a conversation or maybe second guessing themselves.
You know, they they they want to say something to you, but the words aren't actually coming out, but you can sense that type of thing. So like, for me, listening is actually even bigger than just like the actual active of hearing what somebody is saying to you, taking it all
in and then being able to respond you know, accordingly. But I absolutely believe it's a major component when it comes to actually becoming a better coach, because I'm not just listening to the words that are coming out of your mouth. I'm also asking questions to listen to how you got there, and how
you explain it, and how you prioritize the explanation. I'm taking all of that in because that, for me is helpful and understanding how I can best support you as a leader in coach, in tweaking the things or adjusting the things. You know, Like I was, I'll share another example of real life example and actually I'm going to write about this on the newsletter about the
term accountability and the term responsibility. And I was talking to a leader and they were talking about accountability and people are like, hey, I know as a leader, like accountability is really important to you, and you know it's about like, it's about accountability. And I pause them, I said,
I here's what I'm gonna ask you to do. I'm asking you to change that terminology and I want you to use responsibility instead, because what I'm hearing you say is that you are a responsible person and you want your people to be responsible. So like you want to be responsible for what you're responsible for, you want them to be responsible for what they're responsible for. You want to be responsible together for the customers, the clients that you serve. Accountability
is the outcome of people choosing not to be responsible. So I was like, when you hear the word accountability, when people say that to you as a leader, say, oh, I know that you're really big on accountability, so actually no, no, I'm big on responsibility, my responsibility, your responsibility. Right, Accountability is just that's what happens if, in fact, one of us chooses not to be responsible for what we're responsible for.
So you know, I I share that examples like again, I'm listening, I'm hearing, and then I'm helping to shape maybe what that dialogu would look like in the future. Right, Yeah, here's my for those of you playing hacking readership bingo. Still, here's my my parenting reference. Yes,
par reference, Yes I had. I had a conversation with one of my kids about a group project that they were working on for school where another person in the group just didn't do anything and and consequently the project was not turned in on time and uh and and my daughter got a bad grade on on the project even though she did the part that she was supposed to do.
And we had a conversation about how something could be not your fault but still your responsibility, meaning if if you are taking ownership for the grade that you want, you can say, oh, I'm washing my hands of this. I did my part. If I get a bad grade, it's on them. It's like, well, no, if you get a bad grade, even if you're doing your part, it might be caused by them, but it doesn't mean it's on them. Your bad grade is still on you.
So something could be not your fault but still your responsibility. And to me, I look at the exact same way when it comes to accountability and responsibility, so that you know, if a leader, if an element is not an actual part of a leader's job description to do, but the outcome of that thing not getting done could absolutely impact things that are on a leader to
get done. Now that becomes part of the leader's job like they own it by proxy basically, you know, or at least they have to consider the fact that if they decide to wash their hands of it and not own it because it's not their responsibility, that's fine, But they don't get to wash their hands of what the collateral damage or the ripple effect is of that thing not getting done just because it wasn't their fault that it didn't get done.
This is the exact same thing. It's it's this, it's this reading between the lines. So if you're if you are listening to your employees and not just what they're saying, but what they aren't saying their body language and reading between the lines. These are the types of questions you'll end up asking yourself as far as you know, how how did they get here? Like are they are? They coming to you as the leader and they're looking for validation
because they're talking about something that is they're having a problem with. Do you have the ability in the moment to be able to think about the things that they're saying and realize why they got to the place that they got to Because in a lot of time, a lot of cases, employees who are having these conversations with you, they are the you know, they're the cause of their own wounds, right, That's something that they did cause them to now
be in this place where they feel like they have a problem they have to solve. But as a leader, you don't just get to say, well, you made your bed, now you're gonna lie in it. You know, you have to address it in a way that doesn't disengage them or make them not want to talk to you as a leader, but while also not
just simply validating the things that they're saying. In a way that allows them to keep on the path that they're on and just trying to make them feel better like they were listening to Because if you're listening, as it is defined here and they call it a superpower, it's what are you doing with that listening? It's what tools do you have that you can unlock based on how
you are processing the things that person is saying? And then how can you steer that person in a path that helps them get better and helps them become a better employee, a better person, a better leader without them leaving the conversation feeling like you schooled them, Like it's almost like they have to get
there on their own and the conversation can help them get there. And then you've done your job as a coach and as a leader to help them get where they need to go without necessarily being the one that owns the conversation yourself. You're doing a lot more listening than you are talking. Absolutely, and with that it brings us to this episodes one minute hack. But first a few words from our sponsors. All right, for this episode is one minute
Heck, here's we want you to do. Get very good at the phrase. So what I'm hearing you say is and what I mean by that is, when you're talking to one of your employees, be listening to the point of being able to repeat to them exactly what they said back to them. This is so important to do because it will do one of two things. First, it will absolutely validate them. It'll make sure that they understand that
you were listening to every single thing that they said. Sometimes people can have a tendency to say something that they didn't actually mean, and hearing it get said back to them in exactly the way they said it might make them think, you know what, Yes, that is what I said. That's not exactly what I meant, So let me go back over it with you again.
And this brings us back to something we talked about the beginning of the episode, which is the importance of defining something before you can have a conversation about it. If you're listening to an employee with the mindset of you want to help them, you want to be able to coach them, you want to be able to help them get better or solve their problem, whatever that is, you two have to be on the same page for what that problem
is. And defining whose responsibility is who's accountable for it, and how you can help the employee through that process. The agreeing on what the employee said in terms of how they phrased the problem to you is a must before you can go down that path. So being able to repeat back to them exactly what they said in a way that is validating is the most important thing you
can do when it comes to using listening as an actual superpower. Yeah, it's a great one minute hack, And again, I think it's such an
important part of it. You know, there's so many things we can talk about when it comes to active listening and active questioning and how do you make sure that you're you know, you're actually hearing what your people have to say and in those types of terms like what I what I heard you say is you know, these things matter a lot when it comes to being able to do being able to not only build great culture with the team, but but
build great relationships with your people, you know. And I've definitely had those moments where it's gone both ways. I say, so what I heard you say was this, and they said like yeah, absolutely, I'll say okay, great, Like if that's the case, Like let's have this conversation here. Let's make sure we're good here. And I've definitely had the opportunity where people have said like, no, no, no, that's not that's not what I it's not what I said. I said, No, that's what
you said. They're like, well, that's not what I meant. Okay, that's not what you meant. That's fine, Yes, that's not what you meant. Then that helped me better understand what you meant, because I want to make sure that that what we talk about, what I share, what perspective, whatever it is that you're asking for me to take a look at in our conversation here, that I understand what you mean so I can best help us to move forward in whatever direction we're going. And I think
those things are really really important. And to be a great coach again means you really have to be attuned to what people are saying, what people are doing, how they're getting there, and how you are taking in that information to then be able to coach them in a way that is it impactful and positive and it helps to to get them what they need to be more successful in their role, right, all right, And I think this is a really important thing when you're doing this with people too, is that it can't
ever come off as if you are patronizing them or that you are trying to school them. If you're truly looking at listening as a superpower to help you solve a problem for that for that employee, or to help them solve their own problems. If that's your goal, then the the the win is to make sure the relationship continues in a positive way, because it's likely the problem that that person is presenting to you isn't going to be solved in a moment.
It's going to take follow up, but it's going to take the continuation of the relationship in a positive way. And so if you if they say something to you and they phrase a problem a certain way and you respond back with so what I'm hearing you say is that you, you know, don't don't relate to people well and cause problems with people. Like if you're doing this in a way that says you're trying to shine a spotlight on their own
shortcomings, you've already gone about it the wrong way. I'm not saying that person doesn't have shortcomings. Again, they could be the complete cause of the problem of the situation. That they're in and they could be their own worst enemy when it comes to this stuff. It's not your place to force fully rip their head out of the sand, force them to look in the mirror at themselves and have this, you know, come to Jesus moments, right.
They have to get there on their own, and they will only do that through you if they feel like they can trust you to help them work through some things, as opposed to, you know, just jumping in and thinking you have the answer to solve their problem right away. Absolutely, and with that it brings us to the end of this episode. This is hacking leadership. I'm Lorenzo and I'm Chris, and we'll talk to you all next time.