Mastering Confidence and Connection: Introvert's Guide to Networking Success with Rob Giardinelli

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Well, maybe not millions, but if you are an introvert and going to an event makes you nervous, this is going to be the show for you. Also, if you are an extrovert and you love meeting people and you want to grow your business that way, today's show is going to be for you. My guest today, Rob G., has been to more than 2,000 events over the last 15 years. He helps people grow, scale, and do fundraising all through live,

in-person events. If you like shaking somebody's hands, giving people hugs, or just hanging out and having some cocktails and growing your business, you're going to want to listen up. Rob, how are you doing this afternoon? I'm fantastic, Steve. It's great to be here. I'm thrilled to talk with your listeners.

Well, thank you so much for coming on. And I know it's not like you wake up one day and you realize that you love events and you just go to them all the time, especially build a business around that. I love that you have really forged your own path going down this lane and you've really become a master of it. How did this all start for you? So I started way back in the day as a technology sales and marketing account executive or account manager or brand manager.

And I did that for about 10 years when I met my now husband at an event, ironically enough. And his job has always been running luxury lifestyle magazines. And he's done so for about 25 years now. So a few months into us dating, maybe like three or four months, he had basically come to me and said, you know, would you consider writing about all the events in Austin you go to? And I had never thought about it. I majored in communications in college,

so it wasn't like I couldn't do it. So I said, sure. And I started writing about top philanthropic nonprofit events that I was going to primarily. Every once in a while, it could be an experiential activation as well. And for about five years, I was still in tech and I was in a regional or global role that whole time. So I would often be traveling three or four days every week. Then I'd have to come home and I have to put on a tux or a suit or jeans and a sport card or whatever it is.

And then I would go to events. But the events were not just in Austin. Sometimes I would go to events in Dallas or in Houston or in San Antonio. So the more I got to do that, and most of the events I was going to were events that were raising half a million dollars and up in a single night. So they were really successful events. And the more I was going to these all the time, the less patience I had for business events. because most of them were not effective.

And I think most people who have been to business or networking events know that a lot of them are a chore. So after five years, I was really tired of doing both and kind of transitioned into kind of writing full-time and going to these events full-time.

Then after COVID, I started kind of in the whole, well, what makes me unique and what makes me different from anyone else? And that's where I came up with event mindset because I have a corporate background and I have a background going to galas. And that's something I don't think most people do career changes to and towards.

So what I really wanted to do, because I myself am an introvert, and what I wanted to do was empower other introverts as well as empowering organizations to look at and scale their organizations effectively at events so that events are not looked as this boring obligation that wastes money instead of these opportunities that can be fun and create revenue. I absolutely love that. You guys heard Rob call out eventmindset.com is his website.

If anything that we talk about throughout this podcast interests you, it is listed in the show notes down below. You guys can click on that. Learn what Rob has to do. There are a couple of different free resources on there. There's a lot of information. We're going to unpack some of that as we go through this. So I love that you are talking about events don't just have to be like, I feel like sometimes they get pushed in the corner and it's kind of like the

last minute thing that people put together. And they're like, well, just throw some cocktails at them. Give them some wine. I'm sure it'll be great. And it's like, I'm not a huge drinker. I'm not against having a drink, but I don't want to just go get loaded. I want to actually have something. Decent come out of it. So what does that look like? How should people be thinking about going to events to build their business?

So when you're anyone I work with, whether it's, you know, whether it's corporate clients who are sending people to events or it's just executives, I'm working on coaching for events. The first thing you've got to do is set goals. And I do that with, you know, it's basically my rule is, is that you set three goals and there's three different types And especially for introverts, you do one of each type.

I don't even tell them they have to hit all three. If you hit two, you've done a great job, but you got to hit one. But, you know, so just understand that. And there's really three types of goals. So there's confidence. You want something that's going to really boost your self-esteem and that you're, you know, you really deserve and belong to be there. And that's something a lot of introverts struggle with. And I'm sure we'll talk about more.

The second is purpose. You're there to network, especially if you're there for a business event. So you want to do something that's going to create some sort of forward action coming out of the event.

And the third is kind of a curveball, and it may be a little woo-woo for some people, but it really does work, and that's joy. You want to have something that's going to make you happy.

And the reason for that is, and I have my own podcast, and I had a guest in my second episode who said people are not going to remember what what they you know what they ate what they drank but they're going to remember how the event made them feel and joy that's why i set joy goals was there is a feeling within that that makes you happier and when you are happier you you act as though and you show up like you want to be there and when you show up like you want

to be there that's infectious that's when people come to you whether you're an introvert or an extrovert people will come up to you if you have that aura about you. It's not about talking a lot or being the most charismatic person in the room. It's an aura and a feeling. And you can sense that. And people can sense that. And it's really important that people realize that. That's awesome. So I love the goals. We're going to dive into a little bit of what each one of those look like.

I want to flip the script for a second, though. We're going to come back to what it's like to attend. Do you help companies put on great events? Because I think that's one of the things maybe we could unpack a little bit because companies like we just talked about tend to say, oh, we're going to hold an event. Oh, it's a networking event. Give them some drinks. What can companies do from a top level to make sure the event is better?

So what they have to do is look at, and I don't like the word team. I don't use the word team. And the reason I don't use the word team, especially when it comes to events, is that's fixed roles. And the corporate structure is all about fixed roles. But anyone who's got any experience with events knows events are very fluid. And if you stick with the rigid teams, that's kind of when it's like, okay, this is a boring event. because no one knows that they can do anything outside of their own lane.

And that's why I view them more as an ensemble. So what I do when I work with organizations is, let's look at who's going to be there. First, let's decide who's going to be there from your organization. And then we're going to figure out why we would want each of them there and what they bring to the table. And that mix has to be a mix of extroverts and introverts. And there's this... The thing about the corporate world that's very challenging sometimes is that everyone's in a box.

And if you're the outgoing one, you're the person by default that's going to go to every event, even if that's not the right event for them. And I know from experience, and I say this to anybody I work with, even executives who like, you know, sometimes they may want to do like a personal dinner party. And I, you know, as side stuff, I'll do that. I'll say no one should be on everyone's list, not even your own spouse, because do you really want to take your spouse

to your college buddy's reunion weekend? No, probably not. So it's no one should be on every list all the time. And for a lot of organizations, that's kind of like a light bulb because people, a lot of times in the corporate structure, they'll over lean on a specific person, burn that person out.

And then that person, you know, winds up leaving the organization and you've got a bunch of other dissatisfied employees because you weren't treating and looking at everybody for the individual strengths that they have. And at events, and I can tell you after going to 2000, I've never been to a successful one that doesn't have a mix of extroverts and introverts. You absolutely need both.

I think that's, I think that is really good advice. I also think the fluidity of an event, having people, if you try to make it super rigid, it's going to fail. You're going to end up, you might be successful in holding the rigidity and that structure, but nobody will have fun and nobody will remember it and they're not going to feel good. If you make it fun, people will remember it. And honestly, the event is much more about enjoyment and making people connect.

And if people, people will connect, if they feel comfortable in their own skin, they feel like things are going on and give them something good to talk about. If you have speakers at the event, the speakers shouldn't go on and on for hours is my own. I would love your thoughts on this. I don't think speakers should go on and on for hours.

I always tell people talk for a little bit and make sure that you're interesting, because if the guests have something to talk about, that's what's going to get them connecting. Absolutely. No one should speak for too long at anything. And especially since COVID, people just don't have the attention spans anymore. All those things should be really fast. I always go by the thing that less is more. And I kind of want to piggyback on something that we were just talking about there.

One question I get all the time, and it's my Achilles heel question.

It's the one question I don't like, but I get anyway. and they all people will ask what is it what is the perfect event and i tell every single person there is no such thing and i'll give a good example so i was at an inner and i was at an event in los angeles that was international in scope and it was one of those coming out of covid where california had much more restrictions with covid than texas did and it was a mix of texans and californians i have never in my entire life been able

to so easily point out where someone was from based on how they walked into the room. That being said, when the Californians got over the initial shock of that, they were having a lot of fun. And what wound up happening was everyone was having such a good time. The cocktail party was, it was probably the best cocktail party I've probably ever attended, but it went on an hour longer than it should have.

And people are like, well, what's the problem with that? Well, if you've got a seated dinner, the whole catering staff is in chaos because everyone's having a good time so there's always going to be something no matter how wonderful or good the event is there's always going to be something that pops up so especially for folks who have more of a corporate background you have to realize that because otherwise all your all your employees are going

to look at the event as a chore rather than something to be enjoyed. Yeah, that's no, if, if you just make it enjoyable, that's the, if you, if you just have to hit one goal, make sure it's fun. Even if the cater, like I used to work a long, long time ago, I was in the catering department. We used to put on the banquets. They'll get over it. Even if catering falls apart, make a joke, make sure people have fun. They can pick food up off the table. If they miss a course, life will go on.

Make sure people have fun. That's like really the biggest thing that I can possibly point to. All right, let's switch back to the goals for guests. So just to bring these back to the forefront, I thought this was great that you lay this out because I think it is 100%. I always write down what is my intention going into an event. I love that you actually have things called goals. So the first one is confidence.

Do something that brings confidence to yourself and to the way that you're involved in the event. Number two number two i can't read purpose oh purpose i thought i said refine i was like.

Purpose what is your purpose in being there number this is number two not number one number one is give yourself confidence number two is your purpose and number three is do something that brings joy to the event have a good time there so let's let's go ahead and jump into this what when it comes to confidence is it what you're wearing is it the way that you're grieving people way out of place? What if I'm going to a tech event and I'm not a techie? How do I feel confident?

So here's what I will say. And I do this as an introvert. Every time I walk in the room, I scan the room because I want to know where are the restrooms. So if I need a breather, I can take a breather. There's always a quiet space, no matter how crowded a room, there's always going to be a quiet corner somewhere. The other thing that I do is I look where all the bars are. And what I do, especially with introverts that I work with, is what I do is I tell them, find the bar with the longest line.

Get in line, put your phone away, have a conversation with the person in front of you or behind you and start with something simple. You're all there for a common reason. If it's an industry event, it's going to be, you know, what brought you to CES? Everyone, you know, everyone's there because they're in the tech industry. You can kind of figure, you know, you can kind of figure out whatever that is.

And just having that conversation, the goal really is never, and I've probably done that 200 times, I've maybe gotten three people's contact information. The goal is not to close anything. The goal is to have a conversation with somebody so that you're more comfortable after you get that cocktail. And the thing is, is that people like to hold stuff to kind of anchor them.

And that way, if they're a little bit more nervous, they can squeeze the glass a little harder, you know, just don't squeeze it so hard that it breaks. But, you know, it gives them that anchor and they've already walked in, they've already had a conversation with somebody and they're still alive, you know, and that and that's really kind of the main thing that I work with introverts with with that. I love that. That is a really, really good way to just get started.

I always I always like talk to people and people are like, how are you so comfortable? I'm like, I before I go in, I think about something that I could talk about. What is everybody here have in common that I could talk to him about? And if all else fails, my go to I used to use this way back when I was, when I was a bartender, the way that I always got the biggest tips was a compliment people because people love to hear a compliment and make it sincere.

Don't be like, oh man, that looks great. Like, Hey, I really like your shoes, your watch, your shorts, like whatever it is. And you, you will be surprised it. People will change and then ask them something that's like a personal question. That's not too personal. Right. Right. That you can always find some kind of common ground and something you like and you can talk about it, right? It might be football. It might be basketball. It might be sports. It might be cars.

I bet when you met your husband, you guys ended up talking about travel. If he runs a luxury travel magazine, I would guess that. We'll get back to the show in just a second. Now, we know that you become the sum of the people that you surround yourself with. Are you looking for a great group of people that will take you and your business to the next level? Make sure to check out the show notes for access to our exclusive 12-person mastermind and workshops.

All right, let's go ahead and jump back into the show. It's one of the things that came up, but travel, that's actually kind of my favorite topic to ask somebody. Largely because you, especially if you're in the professional context, a lot of it may be I traveled here for business. and you'll be like, well, I'm going to Bat City for the first time next month. Tell me what I should do while I'm there. What hotel should I stay at?

Where should I, you know, it's that. But also when it's personal, it also gives you a window into kind of what their hobbies are without them actually saying it. Because if they've gone to Italy and Italy is a place you go to every year, you may have a place in common that you both like. I like that question because it can kind of go in any one of a thousand different directions.

And if you're an introvert, it makes you feel a little bit more at ease because it's yet another way that you can find calm, you know, common ground with somebody when, you know, when you're in a specific, you know, a specific social situation. That's absolutely true. All right. So that's confidence. Number two is purpose.

So if your purpose in going to the event is at like the very end goal is probably you get business somehow. How do we break that down into steps? Because I, I know like people are like, I'm scared to ask somebody for their contact or make a sale. How do we how do we do this in a way that is congruent, makes us feel good, keeps us in confidence and actually gets the job done? How do you set purpose goals?

So you first of all, you know, set a purpose goal of if it's if you're at an industry event and you know that, you know, basically your target client's going to be there. Set a goal of, I want to, if you're an introvert, it may only be one conversation. If you're an extrovert, it may be three. And what I always tell people with contact information is ditch I and you and use we. So don't say, can I get your contact information?

Say, can we exchange information? Because that makes it less transactional and it makes it more relationship oriented, that you're in it together. And it's not about them spending money and you getting money from them. It's about you growing together and growing a relationship with each other. And sometimes, you know, and I've been in situations where they'll gladly give, you know, they'll let me give them their information. They may not let give me theirs.

And other times there have been people where I've not wanted to give information, but I take theirs. And sometimes, You know, six months later, I may reach out to them. But that way you're making it about a collective as opposed to just this individual transaction. And people can sense that, you know, when you make it more relationship oriented, people are just naturally going to be a lot more at ease.

Yeah, absolutely. I think, I mean, just getting contact info and following up, like I want to touch on follow up. How do you follow up with people that you meet from the event, knowing that eventually you want to get to a sale or you want to get to some kind of business transaction? But how do you follow up with them in a way that just doesn't feel like, you know, hey, Rob, we met the other night.

Do you want to buy something from me? so here's what i would say and this is where introverts really have an advantage over extroverts at events introverts are listeners more so than extroverts extroverts are talkers introverts if you've talked about something and you see an article that's related to what you two talked about share that article with them that's a really good way to build immediate goodwill because you remembered what you two talked about and that's really

important and that's going to be really powerful because they're going to keep the one thing I have learned talking with people at all walks of life at these events is whether you're an introvert whether you're an extrovert whether you've got a lot of money whether you don't have a lot of money whether you're 22 or 82, everyone wants to be seen and that is a really easy way for that person to feel seen and that your connection and your conversation actually mattered to you

as an individual that it was like okay, this person saw me. That is, I, I absolutely love that as a follow-up.

And I love that you're talking about being seen because that, that is how at the end of the day, people that are there, if you're meeting somebody at an event and you think you might sell them something, they know that they're there to buy something and it's not them personally, but if you first make them feel seen and understood it, the adage, I mean, you hear it in marketing and sales all the time, people do business with those they know, like, and trust. How do you get in that circle?

By actually providing some value and saying, hey, I saw you for who you are. Here's something that you would like.

I think going back to the travel piece, my secret, I like good food. I always ask people when they say they went to some city, I'll say, what was the best restaurant you went to when you were there? What was one place that I absolutely have to go? And that gets us talking about food, I can always send somebody a picture of great food that I had. Or if I've been in town for a few days, I can say, oh my goodness, you loved XYZ. You would love this place. Go check it out.

Absolutely. And that's a really good way to do is be like, hey, I know we talked about this. I know you're going there in three weeks. Here's the link to the restaurant. And I particularly love X. That's all you have to say. Like, it's not even anything beyond that. But you're providing that. And especially if it's on a personal level, it's your way of getting to know and get in with that person as a person in a very organic way. And that's that's kind of where a lot of people get tripped up.

But like I said, that's where introverts have the advantage because I always like to say a great event is like Earth. You need the right amount of oxygen. If you've got 100 introverts in a room, there's not enough oxygen. And when there's not enough oxygen, things die. If there's 100 extroverts in the room, that's too much oxygen. And everyone knows what happens when there's too much oxygen in a confined space. Things can explode. So you need and want that mix.

And that's really ultimately, at the end of the day, why introverts and extroverts are both so equally critical to any event. You have to have both. I love it. All right. I've got one more question kind of on the purpose piece, and it has to do with follow up. It's a little bit more tactical. I know so many people that end up coming home, they come home from an event and they've got a stack of business cards, right? This is actually my stack of business cards from an event last week that I need

to follow up with. How do you manage follow-up from an event in a tactical way? Because I know I do not have the perfect way to do this at all. How do you manage it so that nothing falls through the cracks and you're actually productive with the people that you met? You went through the trouble of going here. You went through the trouble of standing in line, of talking to people. How do you actually make sure that you follow up with the people?

So everyone's different is what I'll say with that. And that may be kind of be an easy way out answer, but it's actually true. Some people want to just sit there and do all of them in a couple of hours, and they may do it the first day when they get back. Other people, it may be, if you've got 15 contacts, do two or three a day, just because the whole, well, what am I going to say to them might overwhelm them. But again, when you do send something, send something of value.

I will always say, always try to include something.

Ensures that you remember the conversation the other thing that you can do that's really unique and i've seen it work before and i've done it myself is send a couple handwritten thank you notes especially if you want to impress somebody if you know their corporate address you know they're based in their office send them that because i will tell you i've had ceos personally send me notes you know via email because i sent them a thank you note because they're like it's so

rare to be done because everything's in the in the electronic form now when you do the written form and people are like well why would you do that because you took the time because you have physical stationery you wrote for 45 seconds as opposed to typing you put a 60 what 70 cent envelope however much the stamp is on it now you put it in the mailbox you took it to the post office whatever you did and you got it there that takes a lot more effort than sitting

in front of a computer and typing something out for 45 seconds. And even though it's two minutes of your time, it can be $2 million in revenue if it's the right, you know, right influential contact. That is, that advice is gold. I know a lot of you heard that and you're like, I'm not going to do that. In your head, you had a little voice. Well, they think it's something like their grandparents did. They think it's old fashioned. They think it's stuffy.

And to a certain degree, those things are probably true. At the same time, if you want to stand out, that is a really good and easy way to stand out. If the person of influence is someone in their 60s, that's probably really going to work. But I will tell you, I've gotten notes from CEOs in their late 30s and 40s that have appreciated that. So it's not just an age thing.

Again, it's another way of individuals feeling seen because you're seeing them in a more thoughtful way than just typing an email that basically their admin will filter out. Whereas a note, thank you notes going to arrive at their desk. It's not going to be filtered by anybody. And that's kind of why I recommend them. And that's always my rebuttal to anyone that's like, well, that's just really old fashioned what, you know, what old people do.

It's, it's about standing out. And that's a great way to stand out in a positive way.

It 100 it will always make you look good the story about it being old-fashioned maybe it is but it will still make you look good it's really the story of i don't want to do that we're talking about two minutes of your time like you can go i have a stack that i keep i just go on amazon and i buy they have like 25 card bundles and it's really really simple to just jot jot something with a marker you don't need to write paragraphs thanks so much it was great meeting you hope you enjoyed,

you know, red ash we were talking about. Absolutely. Yeah. Hope you enjoy it. Looking forward to connecting soon, Steve. Ship it out the door. People like and people do notice it, which is absolutely amazing. OK, so we talked on confidence. We talked on purpose. The third one is joy.

If you're an introvert, how do you make sure that you have fun at the event besides having a few too many cocktails? And introverts may not want to do that. So here's what I will say. So this is where goals come into play, and it actually kind of benefits joy in a lot of ways. So let's say, for example, someone's going to a holiday party.

And let's say that the company is known for getting, they have this amazing baker in the city that they live in, and they have the best chocolate chip cookies ever. And you know it's one of those things that are so popular, they're going to be gone within 45 minutes of the event starting. So you're going to set the goal of, you're going to make sure that you're on time. You're going to go. You're going to find where that table is when you scan the room.

And you may not even go to the bar at the longest line. You may enjoy that cookie first as opposed to getting your confidence first. And that's why, you know, what I had said about, you know, you can do different goals at different times. But if your goal is that chocolate chip cookie is just something that you salivate about for 11 and a half months in between those holiday parties, go and make that a goal. That's kind of what I mean by joy. Something that's going to make you happy.

And that's kind of a you know a little bit more of a generic way but that's a really good way to do that another is a lot of events now have experiential activations do the experiential activation make a point of doing that whether it's a 360 you know 360 video round or there's you know kind of a handwritten art art is in there but can draw a caricature of you whatever it is do that as a goal because that's something that will make you feel happy.

Awesome. And I do think, I mean, if you're having fun at an event, I, I guess I'm a little bit blessed in that I am an extrovert, but I always find a way to have fun at events and people will just come up to me because they're like, dude, you look like you're having a good time. I'm like, yep, let's what's going on. And I'm not a huge drinker. I'm not the guy that's like partying. I'm not standing on tables singing. I just like to have a good time. I like to have good conversations.

I like to make people smile. That's the biggest, biggest thing that I think you're going to attract what you put out. And if you're nervous, you got to find a way to lighten up just a little bit. Do you have one or two? I love the tactic of picking the bar with the longest line. Do you have one or two other tactics? Let's say I've already had a drink or two or I've already done the stand in line thing. What else can I do to make myself if I'm just feeling uneasy?

What's something I can do to feel a little more comfortable and find some joy?

So what i would do is go back to that quiet go to that quiet corner when you scan the room and kind of use that as a moment to reset yourself scan the because it is amazing especially if you're an introvert introverts tend to see things that extroverts don't you'll be able to kind of get a real good whiff of the room and a lot of times because a lot of people will struggle with this and it works more often than not if you feel like you don't know anybody and you stand in that corner.

When you scan the room, you may see somebody that you didn't realize was going to be there, but that you recognize. And that will immediately reset you. You know, you can go over to that person. You can reintroduce yourself. Or if it's a friend, you can say hello. And that friend will likely introduce you to whomever it is that they're talking to. Awesome. All right. I like that one. I like that a lot.

Rob, last question. I want to go back to you. You did a lot of writing based on these events that you go to.

Is there anywhere that people can read your writing online? Yeah. So I have a platform called Curated Texan. So I've, you know, write about lots of top nonprofit galas throughout Texas. So you'll find everything, you know, from events that raise anywhere from, you know, half a million dollars to Matthew McConaughey's gala that raises 16 million dollars in a night with a 10 million dollar live auction.

It's pretty out of control. So it's cool to be able to kind of see and witness those types of things. But what I do in my writing is I take whoever's reading it on the journey of what that is. So that's one of the reasons why I found an event mindset was there really isn't a platform or a place out there for people to see events from the audience point of view. And that's really what I want people to see is, wow, that's really cool.

And there can be a place for me in that, whether I'm an introvert, an extrovert. And I always like to say it's a spectrum. Most people are somewhere in between. Very few people are full extroverts and very few people are full introverts. Think of it as a gas tank. Your gas tank is rarely full and it better never be completely empty. It's usually somewhere in between. Awesome. Rob, thank you so much for coming on and sharing so much wisdom.

This episode has been amazing and it is solid gold if you are looking to build your business through networking or if you're having to go to a lot of corporate events already and you want to know how to get the most out of them. Again, the website is Event Mindset. It is linked down below in the show notes. Rob, thanks for coming on. I really appreciate it. Steve, my pleasure. Thank you so much for having me today. This was a lot of fun. Awesome.

To everybody else out there, until next time, take action, change lives, make money, and live free. We'll see you soon. Thanks for tuning into today's show. If you're looking for support to grow your business, we have the best small group mastermind on the market. Mastermind focuses specifically on one to many sales and visibility, how to build your own workshops, live events, and virtual events, as well as how to market to the affluent.

How do you bypass all the people who say we don't have enough money for that and really market to the top 10% who has money and is ready to spend it. Last but not least, how do you do all of this without Facebook ads? That is the focus of our small group mastermind. It's led by me along with 12 other people. We're there to give you support, surround you, and take your business to the next level. You can click in the show notes down below for more information.

We'll see you next time here on Grow Your Impact, Income, and Influence.