The Iron Stove

Hi, my name is Adam Gidwitz. I'm an author. I'm also a storyteller. I like telling all kinds of stories, but I especially like telling grim fairy tales. You may think you know grim fairy tales, and you may think that they are sweet and boring. But listen, those tales you heard were the cute, happy Tales. The original Grim Fairy Tales aren't like that at all. They're weird, and sometimes gross, and often. In other words, they're grim.

And I'm about to walk into a classroom and tell one of the original Grim, Grim Tales, to a bunch of kids. Do you wanna join me? Do you wanna hear a grim fairy tale? Let me help you decide. On a scale of grim, grimmer, and grimmest, the story I'm going to tell today is grim. It's more weird than scary, but it is definitely weird.

If I get to a part of the story and you start to feel scared or uncomfortable, this is what you could do. You could turn down the volume and count to five, then turn the volume back up. If it still seems like a part you don't want to hear, just turn the volume down and count to five again. You know how much weird and gross and scary you're ready for. You know what you need. Okay, I'm at the classroom door now. There are kids inside, waiting to hear a grim fairy tale. Are you coming in? Awesome.

Alright.

Once upon a time, there was a princess whose parents gave her every single thing her heart desired. I want a pony! The next morning when she woke up, a pony was chewing on the curtains in her bedroom. I want a tea party! Every lord and lady from miles away was expected to show up within the hour. Thank you. I want a real live lion. Her parents got her a lion, but then it ate her favorite syrup. So they took it back to wherever you get lions from.

But one day, the princess told her parents, I want a best friend. Now, a best friend is harder to get than a pony or a lion, because you can't just buy a best friend. But the princess didn't understand that. After all, the princess had always gotten everything she wanted in the past, and she assumed it would be this way, with everything, forever. So her parents brought many young people to the castle to be the princess's best friend. But she sent them all away.

Send her away! I don't like her. Send her away. I don't like her. Send her away. I don't like her. Well, the princess said she didn't like them, but the truth was none of them liked her, because she was spoiled and selfish. But she said she didn't like them because it didn't feel good to be disliked.

After the 14th potential best friend was brought before the princess and then sent away, the princess threw a temper tantrum. She cried and slammed doors and broke irreplaceable family heirlooms like her great-grandmother's favorite hand mirror and her Aunt's collection of baby teeth. which was pretty normal for her. But then she decided to run away, which was not normal for her. The princess ran into the woods and immediately got lost. She was lost for nine days.

On the tenth day, she found an iron stove in a clearing in the woods. The iron stove was squat and black, and had a place to put firewood in, and a spot to boil water on top, and it was about as big as well, as big as a stove. Why is there an iron stone in the middle of a forest in a field? Great question. I have no idea. Yeah, no clue. Because it's a fairy tale and fairy tales are weird. That's suspicious.

The princess sat down beside the iron stove. Hello, said the stove. The princess shrieked. Sorry, said the stove. I didn't mean to scare you. I'm really a prince. I'm just trapped inside an enchanted iron stove. Well, the princess didn't believe that. Would you believe it if you met an iron stove and the and he told you his enchanted prince? You would run? Fast it's like when it said high, I would just

But even though she didn't believe that the stove was a prince, she was lost, and she did need help. So she said I am a princess and I am lost. Will you please help me get home? Ah to the stove. A prince and a princess both lost in the forest! How exciting! Well, the princess didn't think it was exciting to be stuck in a forest with a talking stove at all. help you find your way home. Will you oh, thank you Yes, but in return, you must agree to marry me.

You're marrying someone that you've known for less than a minute? And by someone, again, you mean a stove. Well, the princess had no desire to marry someone she had just met, let alone an iron stove. But she also didn't want to starve to death in the forest. So she thought I'll just say yes. How can a stove hold me to my promise? So she promised. Then the stove said.

You must also promise that when you get home, you will come back tomorrow with a knife and scrape away this iron. You'll be glad you did. So again the girl promised, with no intention of keeping her promise. The stove gave the girl perfect directions, which got her home in just three hours, though she had been lost for nine days.

The princess's parents were thrilled when they saw her, but the princess immediately started weeping about the horrible promise she'd made and how she'd have to go back, scrape at the iron, and marry an enchanted stove who claimed to be a prince. Do I have to? I know all of you have said those exact words to your parents, probably in exactly that intonation. Can you all say it right now?

Well, the princess's father and mother never made her do anything she didn't want to do. But they were a little worried about their daughter breaking a promise to an enchanted talking stove. They consulted with the royal magicians. The royal magicians all agreed that it would be a grave mistake. to break a promise to an enchanted talking stove. But I really don't want to. whined the princess. Her father said, idea there is a miller in my kingdom.

The daughter who looks a bit like you A miller is someone who grinds grain into flour to make bread. So they sent the miller's daughter and she tried to scrape the iron away. But she scraped all day and all night without making a screen. Finally, as the sun rose, the stars It's morning. The miller's daughter said. Yes, I can hear my father's noise. Grind the grain into flour. Then you're not the princess. You're the miller's daughter. Be gone!

And she gladly went away. When the king and queen heard that the miller's daughter had failed, they sent the swineherd's daughter. Anyone know what a swineherd does? That's right. Swine is swine is pig in German. Swine is pig. Schwein in Germ in German and swine in English. And so a swine herd is somebody who? Herd's pigs. You guys figured it out together. Good job. The swineherd's daughter scraped at the stove all day and all night, and she didn't make a scratch either.

Finally, as the sun rose, the stove said I think it's morning. The swineherd's daughter said. Yes, I can hear my father calling. Yeah. Then you're not the princess. You're the swineherd's daughter. Be gone! And she gladly went away too. The princess's parents sent many, many girls to the iron stove, but he sent everyone back. Eventually they ran out of girls in the kingdom, and although the princess cried and wept, her parents were pretty fed up with her at this point. Her father said

You heard what the royal magician said. I can't afford to have a talking stove angry with me.

So the princess went into the forest, found the stove, and started scraping with a knife. Within an hour, there was a small hole in the iron. Within two hours, the hole was large enough that the princess could see straight into the stove. Well hello, said a prince, who was curled up inside the stove. The princess looked carefully at the prince in the iron stove. He was very handsome, and he seemed very kind.

He could have said something mean about all the other girls she had sent, or about how she had broken her promise to him. But he didn't. just smiled kindly at her. She said. I'm... Came back too. She kinda thought she meant it. They talked as the princess scraped at the hallway.

By the time the hole was large enough for the prince to climb through it, the princess realized that she enjoyed the prince's company very much. Like the way you might enjoy a best friend's company. It felt very strange and very nice. The princess thought Maybe I could invite him to be my best friend. So she did. And he said, Yes. On one condition. I haven't been home in many years, and I need to see my parents. Would you

You see, after a while it gets tiresome to be a spoiled princess who gets everything in the world she wants, except for a friend. So she said yes. Go home and tell your parents. Right here, but if you're not back by nightfall... I'll figure you've changed your mind, and I'll leave without you. I won't change my mind. said the princess, and she hurried off to tell her parents. But when she got home, she decided she wanted a nice And along that. And then another night.

Then she had to decide what to pack. And then she She thought to herself. They'll wait until morning. We're best friends. So she slept all night. Did you know that you can listen to Grim, Grimmer, Grimmist without any ads interrupting the story? Just subscribe to Pinna. Not only will you get to hear me tell these fairy tales straight through, the way I tell them to kids, you get access to tons of other awesome original shows and audiobooks, all ad-free.

Subscribe to PINA at pinna.fm. That's P-I-N-N-A.fm. And use code GRIM with two Ms to get 30% off an annual subscription. And remember, it's not a Smurf! Buckle up for Don't Break the Rules, the hilarious improv comedy game show where amazing voice actors become wacky characters based on kids' wild practice. They make up lines on the spot, pushing each other. Last one standing without breaking.

Every episode is packed with laughter, silly sounds, and maybe even a unicorn or two. Hosted by the awesome Carly Shiraki, this parents' choice recommended award winner. Your kids' funny bumps. Don't break the rules. Listen now. Wherever you get your pot. In the morning, the princess felt a little worried. Maybe she should have kept her word and gone back to the prince when she said. She quickly ate breakfast and then set out into the forest, ready to apologize to the prince.

But when she arrived at the iron stove, the Prince was nowhere in sight. The princess looked everywhere. She circled enormous trees and looked under giant mushrooms. But the prince was nowhere to be found. And for the first time in her life, the princess wondered if she'd been satisfied. That's been all yeah. Maybe now I'm wondering that.

She wandered, trying to figure out what to do now, until she came to a waterfall. The princess sat down at the waterfall. She did not cry. She did not throw a tantrum. She just felt sad. Just then, a toad came hopping by, all dressed up in a suit. What? The toad said, Hello! You look sad. Would you like to come have supper with my family?

Well, this was surprising for a lot of reasons. But the princess had already become best friends with a talking stove, so the toad wasn't really all that weird. She said, Yes. The toad led her behind the waterfall to his home, where the princess sat down and had dinner with his family. They asked her what she was doing in the forest all alone, looking so sad. She explained what had happened. The toad in the suit said

So we know the Prince in the Iron Stove, and we know where his kingdom is. But the journey is long and dangerous. A princess like you could never do it. The toads were right. The princess had never done anything hard in her entire life. But she'd been having a lot of new experiences lately, and she had lost her best friend. Her only friend. The princess decided it was time to try something hard for a change. The toads tried to convince her not to go.

But she insisted. At last the toad said If you insist on going, you must take three things with you: three knitting needles, one large water wheel. And, of all that. said the princess. a large water wheel and a walnut. We don't know. said the toad. Yeah. He's from there. What? He's from there, but Okay. Even though she didn't understand at all.

So the princess set off, carrying only three knitting needles and a walnut, with the large water wheel strapped to her back. She walked for days and days and days. She grew hungry and tired and sore. But she kept going. I can't she eat her no one. Yeah, she's not eating it. Well the water wheel. So do you know what a water wheel is? It doesn't actually have water in it. A water wheel is a giant wheel that they use on mills often. So it goes in the water and the as the water goes

Finally, after a month of walking, she saw in the distance a strange mountain range. The mountains shimmered like glass. As she got closer, the glass mountains got taller and tall and tall until at last they rose above her like an impassable wall. They appeared to be glass, but were actually made of the smoothest, clearest, hardest ice in the world. The princess tried to climb the wall of ice, but she just slipped down.

She tried to smash through the wall of ice, but she just hurt her hands. She tried to go around the wall of ice, but it never seemed to end. The princess laid out the knitting needles, the water wheel, and the walnut in front of her. She studied them for a while. What do you think she should do? Maybe she breaks she tries to break the S with the men. Oh Well actually that might not work'cause it's like the hardest ice on Yeah.

Yeah, maybe they have to combine all of them. Like the needles in the in the water wheel and then and then stick them all to a walnut. I love that idea. Climate. She took a knitting needle and jammed it into the ice mountain. It stuck. She jammed the next above it. It stuck too. Субтитры сделал DimaTorzok She stepped up on the lower of the knitting needles, balancing herself by gripping the upper one with her hand. Then she reached way up above her head and jammed the third one into the ice.

She took the first knitting needle out of the ice, pulled herself up so she was standing on the second needle, and repeated the process. There's so much weight and then it's like she's getting higher. It's not easy, but again, you know it's pretty She left her water in. Oh no, still strapped to her back. What? Yeah, and in this way she scaled the glass mountains and made her way to the up. It took nearly half a year. It was hard. Yes. It was hard. But the sunrises were beautiful.

Finally, when she reached the other side of the mountains, there was a desert with scorching hot sand that burned the princess's feet even through her shoes. And she said. Seriously? There was no way around the desert, no way under it, and certainly no way to walk across it. She laid out the knitting needles, the water wheel, and the walnut. She studied them for a while. So what do you think she should do?

I think she should use the water wheel, take some ice, and put the ice in the desert for about a day or so so that it melts so that she can put the water through the water wheel thingy so that there'll be water on the desert. That's smart, that's really interesting. First of all, it's an ice mountain. Next to a desert. How does it even work? Yeah. And then it's a little bit strange to me. Mm-hmm. And then um also how would she have not like seen or noticed or have caught in up to the print?

Right, well he's from there. What does that mean? The princess picked up the water wheel, stood it upright on the sand, and then climbed up on top. And, balancing precariously, she walked on top of the water wheel all the way across the desert. It took nearly half a year. Thank you. It was really hard, but the sunsets were beautiful.

At last she came to the prince's kingdom. But by that time, the princess did not look like a princess anymore. A year had passed, and she was lean and strong from climbing the ice mountains, and weathered and rough from crossing the desert. She went to the prince's castle and tried to tell the guards that she was a princess, but they laughed on her face, and kicked her down the road.

There was no way through the main gate of the castle, because of the guards. There was no way around the back of the castle, because of more guards. And there was no way over the walls, because the walls were really high, and besides, there were guards on top. So what do you think she should do now? Can't give the uh trade the guard alone. Uh What do you think? It could be a poisonous. Uh huh, maybe.

If um she could either ask the guards to see the press Or throw the walnut at maybe a window that you Oh, that's interesting. She didn't throw the walnut at the prince's window. Instead, she decided to get a job in the royal kitchens. She worked and worked away as a kitchen maid until her hands were rough and red and her arms were strong like ropes. And she learned some things. She learned that you scour a pot with steel, but never the final.

She learned that soap was good for plates, but bad for cast iron pants. And she learned that the prince was due to be married to another princess. Are you kidding? Jesus! You know, after all this, right? The princess watched the prince dine with his bride to be. The bride to be was jealous and selfish and vain. The prince didn't even seem to like his bride to be very much. I'm just saying that the bride to be basically like the princess before But the princess could never speak to him alone.

The bride to be was always there, preventing the princess from even getting close. So what should she do? Take the walnuts, stuff it down our throat. The princess sat down in the palace gardens and cracked the walnut. Out of the nutshell spilled a beautiful ball gown. Exactly the color of the ice mountains at sunrise and the sands of the desert at sunset. What is she gonna do now?

The princess was just about to put the ball gown on when the bride to be rushed up to her. She had been walking in the garden when she saw the ball gown in the princess's lap. The bride-to-bee ran up to the princess and said, Anything for that dress. So the princess thought carefully, and then she replied, Ten minutes to talk to the prince. And she quickly added it. The bride to be eyed the princess silently.

But then she looked at the dress that was the color of sunrise and sunset at the same time. The bride to be replied. Five minutes deal. So the bride-debe took the princess to the throne room. As they entered, the bride to be hissed. Five minutes. When the princess who was working as a kitchen maid saw the prince, she threw her arms wide up. Who are you? The princess stared. He didn't remember.

She'd climbed over the ice mountains with knitting needles, and rolled over a blazing desert on a water wheel, and journeyed for a whole year, and he didn't remember her? She said I freed you from the iron stove! The bride to be exclaimed, What is she talking about? The princess turned to her. He didn't tell you? He was trapped in an iron stove for a very long time. I got him out. The prince squinted at the princess. And soft and a bit spoiled. But the princess said...

I am or I was. I climbed over the glass mountains. knitting needles and rolled over a blazing desert on a water wheel and journeyed for a whole year to find you. I came all this way because I'd never had a best friend before I met you. And I was selfish and conceited and spoiled, and I made you wait. And I could not stand the idea of losing you forever. The prince stared, and stared, and stared. He smiled. took the princess's hand. He said

This is the one who freed me from the iron stove. The one who climbed the glass mountains with knitting needles and crossed the blazing desert for me. The first best friend I ever had too. And the bride to be said, Wait. What? The prince said, Let's go. I want to see this blazing desert and these glass mountains. You didn't come over them yourself? Ask the princess. How did you get home then? Oh. I'm from here. That does not answer the question. The prince shrugged.

Anyway, you wanna show me the mountains and the desert? Yeah. The sunsets and sunrises particularly. and they set off together, leaving both of their kingdoms behind, and they lived happily ever after.

What was the wall up for? Oh yeah. Yeah. How could the frogs predict that How could the toads predict that she was gonna need all those things to get to the prince? That was they heard that they needed all those things to get there. No, she was a grand friend. Alright, get out of here guys. Grim Grimmer Grimmist is a Pinna original production.

Created and written by me, Adam Gidwitz, author of A Tale Dark and Grim. Produced and edited by Ilana Milner. Casting and voice direction by Paula Gammon Wilson. Sound design and mixing by Beat Street. Location recording by Jason Gambrel and Evan Viola. Narrated by me, Adam Gidwitz. Characters voiced by Francesca Kahlo, Kylie Claxton, Kaelin Clinton, Nicholas Corda, Michael Crouch.

Dylan Jones, George Lambert, Eddie Lee, Ilana Milner, Nofi Mitchell, Alison Rosenfeld, Erica Schroeder, and Billy Bob Thompson. Special thanks to the staff and students at Brooklyn Friends School and Manhattan Country School. You guys are amazing. The world of Sonic the Hedgehog has been thrust into a not-so-dark, not-so-stormy, hard-boiled detective story that probably nobody knows.

Follow Sonic and the intrepid chaotics detective agency as they take on their big This high-flying action-packed adventure will take them across the world fighting for every clue they can find. That's right. It's one heck of a tale, which is good, because this story might be the only thing that can save. Well, if that's all, I can just dispose of you. Wait, what? All will be revealed. Sonic the Hedgehog presents the Chaotics Case Files. Listen now, wherever you get your podcast.

Go on Adventures with Opal Watson, the curious brave kid detective with her own mystery-solving business. Whether something's gone missing or something strange is happening in town, she'll get to the bottom of it. She always does. So break out your notepad and be prepared for dramatic twists. returns because you're coming along on her next case. Opal Watson, Private Eye. Listen now, wherever you get your podcast.