Darling Roland

Penna! Penna!

My name is Adam Gidwitz. I'm an author. I'm also a storyteller. I like telling all kinds of stories, but I especially like telling grim fairy tales. You may think you know grim fairy tales and you may think that they are sweet. and boring. But listen, those tales you heard were the cute, happy little kid bedtime versions of the Grimm tales. The original Grimm fairy tales aren't like that at all. They're weird and sometimes gross.

and often scary. In other words, they're grim. And I'm about to walk into a classroom and tell one of the original grim grim tales to a bunch of kids. Do you want to join me? Do you want to hear a grim fairy tale? Let me help you decide. On a scale of grim, grimmer, and grimmest, this episode is Grimmest. It is frightening and scary and bloody. Be prepared. If I get to a part of the story and you start to feel scared or uncomfortable, this is what you could do.

You could turn down the volume and count to five. Then turn the volume back up. If it still seems like a part you don't want to hear, just turn the volume down and count to five again. You know how much weird and gross and scary you're ready for. You know what you need. Okay, I'm at the classroom door now. There are kids inside waiting to hear a grim fairy tale. So, are you coming in? Grim, grimmer, grimace.

I know this story will be weird. Because it's always weird. Not only will this story be weird, this is one of the scariest stories I will tell this season. It will be scarier than any of the stories that you have heard so far. Great question. This is a Brothers Grimm story. And I only had to change a little bit of it. This is one of their... I think best weirdest

scariest stories. Do you mean like it's scarier than Mr. Bouchon Butzovitz? It's even scarier than Mr. Bouchon Butzovitz. Also known as Franz Ksavovon Schonvitz.

Alright, let's do it. Once upon a time, there was a woman who was a genuine witch.

That's the real first line of this story. It's actually what the Brothers Grimm wrote. Ain't there, like, no witches in the Brothers Grimm stories? You did say there's not really any witches, it's just old... creepy old ladies I know and so as soon as I was revising the story today before I came in I was like oh my gosh I said there were no witches and the first line of this story is she was a genuine witch but here's the thing first of all

it's a super weird way to start like like it's a genuine wish genuine is something that we hear in like advertisements right like 100 genuine cotton or 100 genuine real fruit. But this lady is a 100% genuine witch. Which is, well, weird. Yeah. It's like, what is that supposed to mean? As opposed to a fake witch? It sounds like an ad, right?

Like, guaranteed 100% genuine witch. No artificial flavors or preservatives. I thought it was so weird that I decided to do some research about it. So, I think I told you this before, but the Brothers Grimm started collecting their stories in 1810. and they published their first version in 1812. But the versions of the stories that most of us know, the ones that I mostly use, are the last edition they ever published in 1857, 45 years later.

So the genuine witch line is in the 1857 of the latest one So I decided to go back to the first one 1812 and see if that also had darling Roland in it and see if that also called her a genuine witch And guess what I discovered? In the first version of the story, it doesn't say genuine witch. It doesn't say the word witch at all. It just says a woman. So...

Why did they change it to a genuine witch later? I have a theory that I'll explain to you as we get to that part of the story, but for now, we're just gonna call her a woman. This woman had two daughters. The woman was very close with her older daughter. The woman and the older daughter would put their heads together and point at their neighbors and laugh at their clothes and their habits and act snotty to them when they passed them in the street. That's actually pretty rude.

It is really rude. The younger daughter never liked to do any of that. She would ask her sister and mother to be nicer, but they never listened. And she tried to smile at her neighbors, but they rarely smiled back.

because her family had gained a reputation for being awful. And if you do that to a whole town, the whole town would not like you. In their town, there was a rich lord, and his son was named Roland. Roland was very handsome, and every girl in town wanted to marry him. But one day, Roland heard the younger girl singing as she hung out the laundry.

The girl's voice was so sweet and kind-sounding that Roland had instantly fallen in love with her, which no one could understand. The girl wasn't rich or spectacularly beautiful. Her family wasn't nobility, and her mother and sister were awful. Roland's father disapproved of Roland's love for the girl and told him so. But Roland didn't care.

Roland and the girl became sweethearts, and she called him Darling Roland because he loved her despite what everyone else said. I can see you hiding your face when I said Darling Roland. Why are you hiding your face? because that's disgusting you are not into lovey-dovey stuff yeah well don't don't worry the story will be lovey-dovey and then it will be bloody bloody

Roland's love for the girl made her mother and older sister furious with jealousy. Why should she have the love of the richest and most desirable young man in town? She was just sweet and... quiet and thought she was too good to gossip about other people, and her infernal singing drove them nuts. And then, one day, something happened. Roland gave the younger daughter a very pretty apron.

and her older sister became very jealous of it. The older sister went to their mother and said, Mother, I want that apron. And her mother said, I know just what to do. Oh, no. What do you think she's going to suggest? Steal it. Steal it? Fart on her head to get it from her. Okay, maybe. Because the toxic fumes will knock her out for all of eternity. I think she's going to say we...

We maybe have to kill that girl. Her mother said, That girl deserved to die long ago. I knew it! The mother said to her older daughter, Tonight, when you and your sister go to bed, you should sleep on the wall and you should push your younger sister towards the outside of the bed. Oh, and during the day today, don't let her leave the house.

in case she suspects something and tries to run away. And the older daughter agreed. Don't sisters got each other's backs? Yeah, usually they do. That's a great point. Later that day, the younger girl announced...

I'm going to town to do the shopping. Oh, no, said her mother. You stay right here. I'll go do the shopping. The way she said it made the girl kind of suspicious. Her mother never offered to do her chores for her. A little later, the younger girl announced, I will go out into the forest behind our house and collect firewood. Oh no, said her sister. You stay right here. I'll go collect the firewood for you. Now the younger girl was getting very suspicious.

Just before bed, the younger girl announced that she was going to the outhouse to use the toilet. Oh no. Both her mother and her older sister said at once. We'll use the toilet for you. Does that make any sense? No. It makes no sense. The girl was like, What are you talking about? I have to use the toilet. You can't use it for me.

This was true, so all three of them went to the outhouse together, which made the younger girl super suspicious. As the two girls were getting into bed that night, her older sister said, You always have to sleep all smushed up by the wall while I spread out all over the rest of the bed. You take the outside tonight and I'll sleep next to the wall. The younger girl looked at her older sister.

She thought about it. What do you think she should do? Say no. Say no. I agree. Say no because they've been acting suspicious all day. Say no because they're going to kill her and I think that she knows that they're going to kill her. The younger girl said. Okay. And she let her older sister get into bed next to the wall. This is no good. If she does that, then she is definitely going to go into the trick and get killed.

When the house was totally dark and the older girl had fallen into a deep sleep, the younger girl crawled over her sister and lay down next to the wall. She didn't know why her older sister wanted to sleep on the inside, but she knew she didn't trust her. Smart? Yes. Soon, both girls were asleep. Okay.

This is the horrible part. So if you need to close your ears, now's the time. Okay, I'm listening, but I might close my ears. In the dead of night, when both girls were asleep, the mother crept into the girl's room. And in her right hand... she was holding a magic wand. And now we have arrived at the genuine witch part. Until this moment in the original 1812 edition, there had been

no mention of a magic wand or magic of any kind or witches, just normal woman, two daughters, super mean, suddenly magic wand. So I think this is what happened. In 1857,

the Brothers Grimm were revising their story, right? Every time they published a new edition, they would revise it to see if they could make it better. And they were reading back through Darling Roland, and one of them was like, you know what it's like super random that suddenly there's a wand in this story we better make it make more sense and the other one was like i know what we can do we can just say at the very beginning that she is a bitch and the other one's like

No, no, not just a witch. A genuine witch. And the other one was like, great idea. I love it. And that's all they did. That's my theory. Anyway, so this mother, who was clearly a 100% certified witch, crept into the room, holding her magic wand. She saw in the darkness that one of her girls was sleeping on the inside next to the wall.

and that the other was on the outside. And she raised the wand above her head and brought it down on the girl who was sleeping on the outside. She chopped that girl up. with the magic wand. And then she crept out of the room again. But that this isn't the younger girl, but instead is the older girl. Also, how does a wand chop somebody up? I don't know. Because it ain't the spell. Wands, because it's spells and wands can be knives. Yeah. Spell. I don't know.

It's weird. It's weird. I don't know. It's weird. Right. Well, the chopping woke up the younger girl. Because who got chopped up? The older girl or the younger girl? The older girl. The mean one. Because the younger girl crawled over her and they changed places. Oh. So the good girl is fine, and the bad girl got chopped up. So now she's dead. So now she's dead. And her mother is going to be so upset. Her mother is going to be so upset. You're so right.

Well, the chopping woke up the younger girl, and when she saw that her mother had chopped up her sister, clearly thinking it was her, she crawled out of the window and ran as fast as she could to the house of her darling Roland. I love that you guys are holding hands to take care of each other. That's so great. The girl went to Roland's window and called to him. And when he emerged, she said, Darling Roland, we must run away.

My mother crept into my room in the darkness and tried to chop me up with a magic wand. But she killed my sister instead. When the sun comes up and she sees what she's done, all is lost. All right, said Roland. But what if she follows us? Do you think you could take her magic wand? Without it, we may never get away. The girl thought this was a good idea.

So she snuck back through the window of her room, trying not to look at the bloody bed, through the kitchen, up the stairs, and to her mother's room. The door was open a crack, and she could hear her mother snoring loudly. The girl tried to open the door as quietly as she could. Her mother didn't wake up. The girl saw the bloody wand lying on her mother's bedside table. She crept across the floor. Her mother didn't wake up.

That was so close. She took the wand and snuck back out of the room, across the creaking floor. Oh my gosh! Through the creaking door. Her mother didn't wake up. She ran down the stairs, and as she did, a drop of blood fell from the wand. She ran through the kitchen and as she did, another drop of blood fell from the wand. She ran through her room and as she did, a third drop of blood fell from the wand.

Oh no, the mother is going to wake up the next morning and follow the trail of blood to find her. Then the girl ran back to her darling Roland's house, and they hurried away together. In the morning, the 100% genuine witch woke up and called to her older daughter. But her older daughter didn't come. Where are you? Called the witch mother.

I'm on the stairs, weeping, answered a voice. Wait, I thought no one was home. They ran away, and then the older sister was killed. So the witch mother went to the stairs, but all she saw was a single drop. of blood where are you now called the witch mother i'm in the kitchen cooking answered a voice so the witch mother went to the kitchen but all she saw was Drop of blood. A single drop of blood. Where are you now? Called the witch mother. I'm in my bed, sleeping. Answered the voice.

Oh my gosh! Well, the witch mother didn't like this trick that the older girl was playing on her, and she stomped into the bedroom, ready to tell her off, and...

She saw her oldest daughter chopped to bits. The witch mother flew into a rage and ran to the highest window of her house. She had the gift of long sight because she was 100% genuine witch. And she looked all around until she saw, far in the distance, the younger girl and her darling Roland. Now, this witch mother had a pair of magical boots that allowed her to walk seven leagues in a single step. A league is three miles. She can walk seven leagues in a single step.

How many miles could she go in a step? 21. And in Baba Yaga, there's like seven mile boots. Are there really? So I had heard of these seven league or seven mile boots before, but... This story is not very well known and I couldn't figure out where else I had heard them. So she put on these seven league boots and she strode across the countryside after the younger girl and darling Roland.

The girl saw her witch mother coming after them, striding seven leagues in a single step. I'm just imagining a menacing old lady running at me. Yeah, okay. Everybody right now just imagine. a menacing old lady sprinting at you crazy fast. Yeah. The girl saw her witch mother sprinting towards her crazy fast.

She said to her darling Roland, hide in these brambles. So they hid in a thorny thicket of brambles, but the witch mother still saw them and kept coming. Quick, said the girl, play the fiddle. What? You know what a fiddle is? No. Like a violin. A what? Roland said, What? I don't know how to play a fiddle. I don't even have a fiddle. But the girl touched him with the wand and instantly he became a fiddler. And she touched herself and turned into a flower. And the magic wand was one of her petals.

So he stood with his fiddle in the middle of the brambles, while she grew from the ground by his foot. If you've ever listened to this podcast before, there is another episode that it kind of sounds like, right? Yes, there was a giant old lady that was running after two kids, a girl and a boy that was a witch, trying to cook them. in her space thing. I forgot what that story was called. Duck Soup, I think. Duck Soup is a Marx Brothers movie. Little Chick.

Close, close, yes. So it is super similar to Little Chick in this way. In fact, when I first read Darling Roland a couple years ago, I was like, I'm not gonna do, it's too similar to Little Chick, but actually, it's only got this one similarity. The witch mother came to the thorny brambles, and the magic of the wand didn't fool her for an instant. She pushed her way past the thorns to pluck the flower from the ground. But just then, darling Roland...

began to play his fiddle. And it must have been a truly magical fiddle indeed. Because as soon as he started to play, the witch mother began to dance. And she couldn't stop. She danced and danced in the thorny thicket of brambles. And the faster Roland played, the faster she danced. And the thorns tore her clothes and ripped her flesh. But Roland played faster and faster. What is happening to her, do you think? What's going to happen? She's dying. She's dying how?

Because it's magic and it said that it's ripping her skin. Yes! Until the witch mother danced herself into bloody bits. And there was nothing left of her. but shreds of skin and flesh hanging from the branches of the bramble. Isn't that disgusting? I love it. I can't help myself. It's old lady sushi. It totally was. Don't worry. Very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very gross. Yes. Super gross. And very, very, very, very, very, very grim. Very grim.

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Once the witch mother was dead, the girl transformed herself back into her own form, and Darling Roland back into his. And Darling Roland told her, Wait right here. I will go to my father and arrange our wedding for this... very day. And the girl said, Uh, don't you want to talk about all the crazy stuff that just happened? But Roland had already run off. So, um...

Roland would be like, oh, this is my dad. And then the young girl would be like, oh, this is my mom. And then she's just like ripped up in a bush. It's kind of awkward. My mom. She's hanging in little bits from all the different thorns. The girl waited. And waited. And waited. And he didn't come back. A day went by. He didn't come back. Two days went by. He didn't come back. He's a chicken. He's a chicken. He's acting like a chicken. Oh. He's scared. Of? Because basically his girlfriend's like,

Look, I killed my mother. He's thinking, I'm going to be next. And her being like, I'm going to go home. I'll be right back. You could be right. Chicken. I think the father is really mean, and he just went, kapow, you're dead. to the kid or he like locked him up because he mentioned that. And the father didn't like the girl, I don't think. Right, interesting.

When the third day went by and he still hadn't come back, the girl decided that she would rather be trampled to death by a boar or eaten by a passing deer than live with the disappointment of her darling Roland abandoning her. And she transformed herself back into a flower and waited to die. Do you think this was a good choice that she made? Like if your love leaves you, should you just wait to die?

No way, because you would just go find him. Yeah, go find him. Confront him. Slap him silly. Slap him silly. Well, maybe not, but maybe. What you all are saying is, do something, right? What had happened to Darling Roland was that he had gone back to his house and told his father everything that had happened and announced that he wanted to marry the girl. But his father absolutely forbade it.

First of all, it was not an advantageous match. The girl was not rich or noble. Second of all, did Roland really want to marry the daughter of a witch? Didn't that make the girl a witch? She certainly seemed like a witch with her mother's magic wand. What if they got into a fight? Would the girl turn him into a toad? Or maybe she would chop him up, as her mother had done to her sister.

This second argument was even more convincing to Roland than the first. And the third argument was most convincing of all, which was this. That very day, another lord who was very rich came to visit with his very beautiful daughter. And darling Roland and his father agreed that she would be a better person to marry than the witch girl anyway.

It doesn't matter if you like rich or fancy. Yeah, but I still... Wait, but why can't she just turn herself back into human? She could. She doesn't want to. She's too sad. Why? Because her darling Roland went away from her. Wait, she knows that he doesn't want to marry her? Well, she knows that he never came back. Oh. So the wedding between Roland and his new bride was planned, and the girl, who was now a flower, waited to die.

And then, one day, a young shepherd came through the woods. He was singing a sad tune about being lonely, and he had a lovely voice. Soft like a flower, beautiful, patient and true. As he sang, he saw the beautiful flower that was the girl, and he picked it and took it home with him. and put it in a vase on the windowsill. Then, weird things started happening in the shepherd's hut. That's the actual line from the Brothers Grimm story, and I just, I don't know why I really like it a lot.

weird things started happening in the shepherd's hut. Who's the shepherd? This random shepherd, this random guy who came by and picked the flower. So weird things started happening, like he would go to bed at night and when he woke up in the morning, his little cottage had been cleaned from floor to roof, from cupboard to ceiling. Or he would go out to tend his sheep, singing all the while, and when he came back...

A warm meal would be waiting for him. He had no idea how to explain it. So he went to his grandmother. Now, the Brothers Grimm described this grandmother as a wise woman. I don't know if she's a genuine wise woman or a 100% guaranteed genuine wise woman. Or maybe wise woman is their way of saying a good witch. Anyway, the wise woman told her grandson the shepherd.

There is surely magic at work. When you wake in the morning, if you see the slightest thing move, throw a white cloth over it. This will break the magic. So that night, the shepherd went to bed clutching a white cloth. When the first rays of sun woke him in the morning, he opened one eyelid and saw the flower on his windowsill moving ever so slightly, as if it had just...

hopped back into its vase a moment ago. The shepherd jumped up and threw the white cloth over it and... What do you think happened? He missed? No. The flower turned back into the girl. The flower turned back into the girl. And the shepherd said, what the what? So the girl told him everything. And she explained that she had been watching him living for these last few weeks.

which he found completely creepy. But then she explained that she had fallen totally in love with him, because he was kind to his sheep and to his grandmother, and he had a lovely singing voice, and if it was okay with him, she would like to marry him. What? Corny! Yes? Why does this always happen in fairy tales when one girl or boy just meet another girl or boy or something and then they're just like, I want to marry you, let's go. They get married way too fast, I agree.

Well, the shepherd said he needed a few days to think about it, as he'd only just met her, and she'd spent the last few weeks as a flower spying on him, but also cleaning his house and cooking him meals. So he asked her to live with him for three more days. And if he liked her enough by the end of that time, he would gladly marry her. Finally some dating. Finally some dating, exactly. The first day went by and he was pretty sure he liked her.

When the neighbors came over and wanted to gossip, she would never join in, and she would always find something kind and funny to say instead. The second day went by, and she told him about how magic worked, and he realized that she was wise as well as kind. and he was sure that his grandmother would like her. The third day went by, and he was certain that he liked her. She had a beautiful singing voice. They sang a duet. Oh, how I long to, soft like a flower.

And when the shepherd and the girl sang together, it sounded like magic. The shepherd was just about to agree to marry her when...

Everyone was summoned to a wedding. Roland's wedding. Roland was getting married to the pretty daughter of the rich lord and all the young people of the kingdom. were required to attend. Roland and his father had commanded all the young people of the kingdom not only to attend the wedding, but to sing songs for the bride and groom as a wedding gift. So the girl and the shepherd both went to the wedding. All the young people lined up. Roland and his beautiful bride-to-be walked in.

followed by Roland's very happy father. Everyone clapped. This was who Roland was supposed to marry. And then all the young people took turns singing for Roland and his bride. Each one stepped forward one by one and sang. The girl kept stepping backwards instead of forward, for she was afraid of Roland recognizing her. It would be too painful. Does anyone understand that? Why would it be painful for her if Roland recognized her?

He's... He is going to tell her to get out right now. Oh, maybe? Because... That was her boyfriend. What if he recognizes her and then he'll be like, I don't know if I really want to marry this girl anymore. Maybe I want to marry this girl. It could be super awkward. And two people wanting to kiss one girl. Yeah. when when when that boy first called a girl and how he fell in love with her was was because he was singing a song and and that is i think

Now he's going to fall in love with her too now. Because she's going to sing a song again. What an interesting prediction. Eventually it was the girl's turn and she could not avoid it. She stepped forward and sang. And when he heard her, Darling Roland remembered how much he loved her. And he said, Father, I will not marry the rich lord's daughter. I want to marry her. And he pointed.

at the girl. Roland's father tried to change his son's mind, but Roland refused. He loved the girl, and he wanted to marry her. What do you think she should do? If you were the girl, what would you do? You missed your chance, dude. I think the girl should say, no, I will not marry you because you just left me there and you didn't think about me. You're not kind. Why do you think it's not his fault? Because the dad.

Like, it forced him and said that, like, the girl wasn't good enough. I would run out of there like a bullet. Why wouldn't you want to marry Roland? I just want to run out of there so that I'm not included. You're not included in any of this. The girl felt torn. She had loved Roland for so long, but he had forsaken her. And now she loved the shepherd.

Roland called to the girl. Please, marry me. The girl stood stock still, undecided. And then the shepherd stepped forward. And he... began to sing. And the girl knew who she truly loved, not the young lord who had left her in the woods. She loved the shepherd who had plucked her and brought her home, and whose voice went so well with hers. She began to sing too. And everyone fell silent to hear their voices, the shepherds and the girls, entwining like magic.

The shepherd and the girl were married the very next day, and the girl's sorrow ended, and her joy began. The End Can I just go back to the, if she doesn't have a wand, she isn't a 100% genuine witch anymore, right? Yeah, she's just an old lady. If she's not a genuine witch anymore, then she's just a genuine old lady. Mindy here from Wow in the World, the number one podcast for curious kids and their grownups. That's you.

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Created, written, and narrated by me, Adam Gidwitz, author of A Tale Dark and Grim. Produced and edited by Kaylin West. Associate producer, Rebecca Cunningham. Field recording by Julia Martin. Casting and voice direction by Rebecca Cunningham. Sound design and mixing by Kaylin West. Executive produced by Molly Barton and Carly Migliori. Production support by Devin Shepard. Original songs by Yuri Lee.

Characters voiced by Mary Morgan, Charlotte Wilson Langley, Evan Maltby, Kaylin West, and Peter McNerney. Special thanks to all the kids who joined us in Staten Island and Brooklyn for our storytelling sessions. You guys. are awesome.