Under the best of circumstances, the November & December holidays can be stressful. Add in grieving a loss and they can feel completely overwhelming. In this episode, you'll hear suggestions for navigating this time of year and ideas for incorporating memories of those who have died into your holiday traditions. The Dougy Center's Getting Through the Holiday Tip Sheet and Holiday Plan Worksheet Jana and Rebecca refer to can be found here: http://www.dougy.org/grief-resources/getting-through-...
Nov 19, 2015•21 min•Ep. 27
The last in a three-part series talking with those grieving the death of someone when the relationship was complex, difficult, or challenging. Jana talks with Diana about her father who died after seven years of no contact with him. Her mother, whom she was very close with, died 13 years earlier.
Nov 16, 2015•21 min•Ep. 26
This is the second episode in a three-part series about grieving when the relationship with the person who died was difficult or challenging. Jana talks with Ashley, whose relationship with her brother was very conflicted. In the year before his sudden death, they began to reconcile, adding another layer to the complexity of grief when he died.
Nov 07, 2015•30 min•Ep. 25
This is the first in a three-part series about grieving when the relationship with the person who died was complex or conflicted. In this episode, Jana is joined by Jenny, a mother of three who experienced the loss of her husband and their father. Jenny talks about how her grief was affected by the fact that she and her husband were recently separated when he died. She also offers advice and suggestions for other parents and caregivers in similar situations.
Nov 04, 2015•19 min•Ep. 24
Why do people die of suicide? Join Jana and Donna Schuurman for a discussion about this complex question. Two prominent theories mentioned by Donna: Edwin Shneidman “Suicide is caused by psychache. Psychache refers to the hurt, anguish, soreness, aching, psychological pain in the psyche, the mind. Suicide occurs when the psychache is deemed by that person to be unbearable.” Reference: Suicide as Psychache: A clinical approach to self-destructive behavior , (1995), p.51. Thomas Joiner 1. Perceive...
Sep 24, 2015•24 min•Ep. 23
Eleanor and Litsa from What’s Your Grief join us as special guests to talk about becoming a parent when you’re grieving the death of your own parent or sibling. Listen in for suggestions on how to help your children build a relationship with the memory of the person who died and ways to make time for your own grief and self-care. Resources for talking with children and teens about death: http://www.dougy.org/grief-resources/how-to-help-a-grieving-child/ http://www.tdcbookstore.org http://www.wha...
Sep 14, 2015•31 min•Ep. 22
Have you ever struggled with the idea of finding closure in grief? Given grief’s ongoing and evolving nature, the search for final closure can be a misguided pursuit, one that leaves us disheartened and even ashamed. In this episode you’ll hear from a variety of grieving young adults as they break open the idea of closure and identify significant turning points in their process. You’ll learn about moments of clarity, confusion, new understandings, and what it's like when the sharp emotions rise ...
Sep 08, 2015•25 min•Ep. 21
When someone dies, it creates upheaval in the support system, leading to unfamiliar territory in terms of how to help those with different perceptions and expressions of grief such as language, repetitive gestures or patterning, emotional disconnect, and searching behaviors. Although the outward expression of someone’s grief may be difficult to recognize, the need for their grief to be acknowledged and supported is universal. In this episode, Jana talks with Rebecca Hobbs-Lawrence, a staff membe...
Aug 07, 2015•27 min•Ep. 20
How do we help children when a family member is dying? The diagnosis of a terminal illness brings uncertainty, fear, and heartbreak into their lives, leaving the adults who love them unsure of what to do or say. In this episode, Jana talks Tony Grace about how to best support children when a family member has an advanced serious illness. Here are some suggestions for ways to talk with them about the illness and activities to help them process their reactions, fears, and concerns. Children need s...
Jul 24, 2015•26 min•Ep. 19
Jana talks with Rebecca Hobbs-Lawrence, a staff member at The Dougy Center, about ways to support children who experience the death of a brother or sister. The loss of a child shatters assumptions parents hold regarding their role as protector and their beliefs about the natural order of children outliving their parents. A child’s death can cause tremendous upheaval in families as a parent’s overwhelming grief pulls them away from their surviving children, often leaving siblings alone to deal wi...
Jul 10, 2015•24 min•Ep. 18
Jana talks with Erin Shuster about the death of her brother from suicide. A former young adult group participant and volunteer, Erin talks openly about the unique aspects of grief when someone dies of suicide and how she learned to identify her needs and advocate for herself. For information about our groups for young adults, visit: http://www.dougy.org/grief-resources/help-for-young-adults/ Know a child who is grieving? The Dougy Center Workbook: After a Suicide Death: an Activity Book for Grie...
Jun 26, 2015•24 min•Ep. 17
Jana and Joan Schweizer Hoff talk about navigating Father’s Day while grieving. Joan, a long-time staff member at The Dougy Center, shares both personal and professional experiences in constructing new ways to approach the holiday. Whether you’re grieving the loss of a father, or parenting a child who is, some of these suggestions may be helpful: Know that for many, the lead up is the worst part. If you are supporting a grieving child, talk with them ahead of time about what they would like to d...
Jun 12, 2015•26 min•Ep. 16
Jana and Donna Schuurman discuss terms to avoid, and what to say instead, when talking about suicide. Here is a link to download our Tip Sheet on how to support children and teens who have had someone die of suicide. Terms not to use (and why): 1. “Committed Suicide” Committed suicide,’ with its implications of criminality, is a carryover from the Middle Ages, when civil authorities, finding the victim beyond their reach, punished the survivors by confiscating their property. Victims were forbid...
May 29, 2015•22 min•Ep. 15
Jana talks with Jenna, a participant in The Dougy Center's group for young adults, about the experience of losing her mom when she was a child and then her father, just before the start of her senior year at college. For information about our groups for young adults, visit: http://www.dougy.org/grief-resources/help-for-young-adults/ Other great resources for young adults who are grieving: Websites www.modernloss.com www.whatsyourgrief.com Books Wild, by Cheryl Strayed A Heartbreaking Work of Sta...
May 18, 2015•29 min•Ep. 14
Tips for grieving through Mother’s Day Whether you want to acknowledge the day or want to ignore it, know that the lead up, for many people, is the worst part. It can help to make a plan for the days leading up to Mother’s Day. If you are supporting a grieving child, talk with them and their teacher ahead of time about possible activities at school. Work with the teacher and the child to come up with alternatives and options. Let children know they can still celebrate Mother’s Day - and that it’...
May 01, 2015•19 min•Ep. 13
After a death, it’s not unusual for children to have an increased sense of fear and anxiety. (It’s not unusual in adults, either.) When bad or sad things happen, it’s natural to be afraid more bad things will happen. The questions and concerns are normal: How will we live without the person who died? Who will take care of me? Will someone else die? Where do people go after they die? Will I die too? There's PDF tip sheet included with the podcast. The tipsheet can also be found here: http://www.d...
Apr 17, 2015•22 min•Ep. 12
Losing and finding yourself in grief. Brendon and Jana delve into the many layers of loss that we grapple with when someone dies and how that loss can change us. When we grieve, we miss the person and who they were in our lives. We miss who we were with them. Often we miss who we were in general before the death. As we think towards the future, we grieve for the events and occasions that we won’t share with the person. Over time, people in grief may start to see themselves differently. What they...
Apr 03, 2015•22 min•Ep. 11
Seasons change, but what about my grief? There can be a lot of emphasis on special occasions – anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, etc. when it comes to events that influence grief. Seasons and other markers of time can exert a similar effect, but can be confusing for those who are grieving – and those who support them. With an anniversary or a birthday, there’s a specific day to connect with an uptick in distress, but with a season, it can be harder to pinpoint. In this episode we talk about se...
Mar 19, 2015•20 min•Ep. 10
"The language we use to describe events not only reflects our own attitudes but influences those attitudes as well as the attitudes of others." --Sommer-Rotenberg, D. Donna Schuurman, Senior Director of Advocacy and Training at The Dougy Center discusses some of the difficulties of language and stigma surrounding deaths by suicide.
Mar 13, 2015•21 min•Ep. 9
Living with an advanced serious illness All in all, even under the best circumstances where families have substantial financial resources and savings, great medical and life insurances, medical knowledge, access to great health care and multiple caregivers, an articulated living will or end of life directives, and emotional/spiritual support, it will be an extremely challenging and life altering experience. Challenges and complexities This is not an all inclusive list, but meant to highlight onl...
Mar 05, 2015•35 min•Ep. 8
Understanding And Supporting The Grieving Teen If you know a teen who is grieving a death, you may wonder what responses or behaviors you can expect to see and how to help. Grief is a holistic experience Grief can affect teens in many different ways: emotionally, behaviorally, cognitively, physically, and spiritually. The following are examples of how grief might look in these realms. Keep in mind that this list is just a sample of the indicators: Emotional : Every emotion imaginable can be asso...
Feb 26, 2015•22 min•Ep. 7
Where did everyone go? How grief affects connections with family and friends. This episode grew out of a few questions from the community – Why is it common for communication to either lessen with family/close friends or strengthen after a mutual loss? Why is it easier to connect with strangers? In my family we don't talk about the person - How do I know if I can bring it up? How do I bring it up? Grief affects our connections with others in many ways. Loss can foster a greater closeness with fa...
Feb 18, 2015•23 min•Ep. 6
Valentine's Day is one of the many holidays that shift and change while grieving. As with so many other holidays, the lead-up can be really hard. Advertisements and casual conversations about plans can leave grieving people left out, or eager to flee. In this episode of Grief Out Loud, Jana and Brendon talk about strategies for approaching Valentine's Day in a way that opens up space to express love and appreciation. Some ideas mentioned in this episode: Decide on what traditions you and/or your...
Feb 12, 2015•19 min•Ep. 5
Alternatives to “I’m sorry for your loss.” This episode delves into that moment when you find out about a death. Most of us don’t know what to say or do, so we go turn to what we’ve heard others say in a similar situation, “I’m sorry for your loss.” While there’s nothing wrong with those words, especially when said with authenticity and full presence, it’s helpful to know how that phrase affects those who are grieving and what you can say instead. Whether it’s getting a phone call with the news,...
Feb 06, 2015•19 min•Ep. 4
“How do I tell my child about the death?” This is the most common question we receive at The Dougy Center. Someone has died, leaving parents and other adult caregivers to struggle with finding the right words to say to their children. In this episode, we outline tips for talking with children about a death. Adults can start by attending to their own reactions to the death. Often the thoughts and feelings they experience can impede or enhance having an open, honest, supportive conversation with t...
Jan 29, 2015•25 min•Ep. 3
In this episode, Jana and Brendon, answer two questions from the community. The first is from a mother of two young children who wonders what she can do with the ashes of her partner. The second from a young adult struggling with whether they should go to the funeral of a close friend’s mother. In this frank conversation, we discuss common and not so common options for what to do with ashes and outline some foundational questions to consider, both for adults and children when deciding. Two resou...
Jan 29, 2015•20 min•Ep. 2
In this episode of Grief Out Loud, Jana and Brendon discuss some of the current mythology surrounding grief timelines. We demystify the idea that there is a recipe for grieving or one right way to go about integrating a loss. Listen to learn new ways of conceptualizing the unfolding of grief. During the discussion, Jana mentioned a couple of relevant resources: Getting Grief Right , a NYT Opinionator article about grief timelines and "stages of grief" 5 Stages of Grief overview, which Jana noted...
Jan 27, 2015•16 min•Ep. 1
In this inaugural episode of the Grief Out Loud Podcast, Jana and Brendon introduce themselves, talk about the history of The Dougy Center, and our work with grieving children and their families. Jana and Brendon also do a little housekeeping with respect to episode timing (weekly) and duration (aiming for 15-20 minutes), as well as what TDC can offer to the podcast community. Resources mentioned in the show: The Dougy Center for Grieving Children and Families...
Jan 23, 2015•11 min
