Philip Marlowe: The Monkey’s Uncle (EP1631)

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Get this and Get it straight. Crime is a sucker's road, and those who travel it wind up in the gut of the prison of the grave. This time I tangled with a mad scotchman, a phony English lord, and a beautiful blonde cops in a fright house all because of a butler who walked on his knuckles. It happened like this.

From the men of Raymond Chandler outstanding all through of crime fiction. Comes his most famous character in the Adventures of Philip Marlowe. Now with Gerald Moore starred as Philip Marlowe. We bring you tonight's exciting story the Monkeys.

Uncle. Hello Marlowe. Please, it's very important missus marlow Oh thank Heaven's.

Just still in your opposite this Later, mister Mallowe, I must have your.

Help at once.

Carnelia's light is in danger man, and time means everything.

No, wait a minute, Wait a minute.

Who are you?

Who's cornadio? Is where you're calling from? And about what? Let's have it a slow step at a time.

Huh Hey, my name's Wesley McDuff. Mister Marlowe.

All right. Later on macduff, I'm calling from.

A telephone booth opposite the BigMan Plaza hotel in Hollywood Boulevard.

With Ashley Duke.

Ashley who going.

For the BigMan Plaza, Lord Ashley Duke himself to get to it, mister Mountain o'hourry.

Meet me in the hotel lobby.

Yes, but we've got to stop them there go to kill carmelions.

My first reaction was to forget the whole thing with curiosity is strong stuff with me and he triumvirate labeled Wesley McDuff, Lord Ashley Duke and cornets had to add

Yeah me, sir, but I haven't over here. You ask after a scotchman, Wesley McDuff.

Was it, yeah, you know? Where are you?

Well? Yes?

And yes? And how much?

Ten?

Five?

Okay, sport five? But let's get out of the traffic. Huh Over here at this map like I was pointing out something to Yet that's a fresh idea, thanks the viver.

Oh here, Now where's McDuff on.

His way to Burbank?

Dead drunk?

Ye're crazy? I talked to him less than half an hour ago. He was throwing sober and a long way from the party mood could be.

But fifteen minutes ago I helped Lord Ashley do piling indoor car.

Wait a minute, Ashley Duke, how does he fit?

He found this McDuff in the alley outside. I was just coming back from dinner when I saw him pick the guy up. He couldn't say a word, but a blue Shield medical card we found on his wallet read Wesley McDuff, thirteen Vineland Avenue, Burbank.

Boy, he was out cold in my old man and I listened, Junior, here's another five? Fill me in fast. Who's Lord Ashley Due?

A nightclub character entertainer, lives here with his wife, Lady Ashley Duke when they're in.

La Wells seven. Is he legitimate this lord business?

Nah?

No, but he plays it to the hilt.

Why after we piled that McDuff ender the cab, he dusted his white gloves off gently you like slip the monically wears into his iron grab another cabin shoved.

He's a phony.

His real name is Burt Duke's and the lady.

Is girt and on her it shows what do you mean? Shows that The.

Second she gets behind her door they got sweet three twelve she climbs out of her accent like it was a tight girl, especially when she and that Nissa hers go at it. Yes, the famous Marrinac cabins are on Route sixty six near Saint Louis. Oh good evening, mister Fisher.

Okay, where will we the niece? The niece, Oh yeah, quite a doll.

Her name's Merle Bremmer acts as a business manager, so.

She must also have brains. Tell me who's Cornelius?

Cornelius?

What's breaking you up? Who is he?

Nobody got the.

Star of the act.

The Lord and the lady do a fast thing, a takeoff on English drawing room stuff, and Cornelius.

Plays the place it in a derby and a boiled shirt, no.

Less, Why the giggles. You've seen a derby and boiled shirt before?

Yeah, yeah, sure, I have put on Cornelius. It looks different, you see, mister, he's a chimpanzee.

If there Cornelius definitely added screwball. But I also knew the prospective client macduff had been sapped and piled into a cab for good riddance, which could add less than funny. So I decided to look around a little longer, especially

Your response, Oh, now, wait a minute, Kurt, before you snap a stey, you listen to me.

Why so you can explain once more how poor Uncle Bird's idiotic mistake so just bad luck, ten thousand bucks worth of bad luck. He nuts, we don't know anything about investments. He shouldn't be allowed to touch a red scent and my pretty from here on out. That's exactly the way it's gonna be, believe.

Oh, cut it, Curt, and quit blaming Uncle Burton me.

Are you kidding?

Why shouldn't I blame the two of you? He's a jerk and you I never wanted you with us in the first place, my niece, Oh shut.

Up, and remember, dear Ed, your husband likes me around. I'm good for his morale, he says, he'll never let you fire me, So don't blacee your breath, Anti, get out of here. Go on, get down to the freight house. And keep your eyes open.

We don't want to lose Carnelius.

Don't worry, Darling. God dude, he's an old specialty of mine.

Yes, who is it?

Name's marlow I'd like to see Lord Ashley Duke.

Oh well, yes he's not in.

But what did you want to see him about?

Oh?

Business? Can you help me?

Perhaps?

You see, I'm his business to be his business manager.

She was just leaving.

Why don't you, Marle Darling.

Yes, Merle Darling was mister Marlowe.

Lady Ashley Duke.

Goodbye, Antie, I'm happy.

Huh oh, Rather an answer to save each other's time, let me be blunt. Lord Ashley Duke is no longer interested in making any investments whatsoever, nor will he be interested at a future date. Is that clear, sir?

Yes, it's like well water, Lady Ashley Duke. And if I were looking for an investor, I keep it in mind. But you see, I'm a private detective working for Wesley mcdup.

A paper, a lousy paper pushing his way.

Are easy, easy, Gertie, go get your feel the hands off, sure, just as soon as you get back in a neutral I also want to save us time and I want to save Cornelius too. How do we talk our wrestle.

Which all right, seven weeks ago, Lord Ashley Duke and I bought Cornelius from that crazy monkey razor out in Burbank. It paid McDuff thirty thousand dollars for a run down seventeen year old chimpanzee.

Well then, wait, you want to kill him. McDuff thinks you're going.

To mcduff's crazy just because we change our minds and instead of staying here in La decide to go on the road. McDuff thinks Cornelius will catch cold and die, so he wants him back.

Yeah, but you get your money back.

Yeah, but what about the seven weeks of work just to teach him to drop a glass? Not only that he's a wonderful imitator.

I can see your point.

Besides, the deal's a deal, and we're taking the risk of Cornelius his death. Not the loon who runs that Burbank animal farm. Well that's Scotchman thinks every animal and the joints related to him.

It's an old idea, honey, But look, lady, is.

What we bet I talked.

People, Now, get on, go on, want to get out before I forget.

I'm a lady.

Over hair Tampkins.

What is it the telephone call, Sir Boofoor this way?

Please make God all right up, Jim Dandy.

Good Now.

If you feel I was on the page, I feel we came out even buster. Besides, I'm running low on Farthings unless yes, you know where the freight house going It just calls home is located. Uh huh okay Salon on Champions Hello Morrow, Yeah, yeah, yeah, you all right?

McDuff.

It takes more than a foul blue in the dark to stop me. Man, It's just what Lord Ashley Dookie is going to Discovery in many minutes, and I've run out of patience.

I ain't going to act, not talk.

I'm about to take corn Eliots back with my own hands and I won't get a help.

Wait a minute.

I'm in a drug.

Store at Pershing Square, close by the freight house where Cornelia said cage for shipment.

I want you to you can't steal him, McDuff.

Ah, I can steal him in this guise the animal, so they'll never be able to claim him again, so they won't be able to kill him.

McDuff. I can't go along with that, then I choorge.

The wrong man.

I just little time lift mister Marlowe. Tomorrow they leave Los Angeles, now.

Will you help me?

No, beside McDuff, you'll never get away with it. There's a girl, Ashley Duke's niece who's got a gun, and I McDuff McDuff all away from the phone booth, through the lobby and of my car outside. I kept telling myself three things. One, I wasn't working for McDuff too. McDuff was about to commit a crime. In three, I couldn't worry about the gun in merle Brimer's purse. It

Yeah, sure, I know a place only spot around little ship, live animals or the rest of the stuff that they handled, anything from an eel to an olive.

About penguins, You got those two, I thought, Yeah.

I worked there Wenesday during the Christmas rush, made the price of a fifth one day.

Look. Look, you'll do it again right now if you can tell me one thing, the address? What is it?

It's yeah, hay, come on, warty two.

Four string, here's five crawled back in a bottle. I'll see it. The neighborhood was half residential, half industrial, and all run down, including the freight house, which was two windowless stories of dirty red brick offering over a loading ramp on a deserted, shadowy street. I started slowly towarded when suddenly a side door flew open. An excited old man with flashlight and giant key ring that spelled night Watchman leaped out of the building, arms and legs, going

Chimpsh and he's raising the rupern there eh, you are a shooting?

Are we fired?

He's worth of fortune, I know all about it. Come out, give me a hand. Now, let's go.

Where is he upstairs? Hanging in one window at the back? I just turned the lights.

Ordinary watch uh when do you see me?

Grabbed the stick from the board, started beating things wind.

Oh fine, And then he broke the window and began swing.

On the block and tackle.

You're running outside from the roof to the ground.

Car.

Yes, hey, Bobby.

And away.

Well all right, pap we better call the corots.

Over there here he's empty cage. What's your girl doing over her head?

Holy smoke? Merle Bremmer. She did, Yeah, beat the death with his stick? That chimp just throw this?

Then then you think the monkey?

I don't know, maybe yes, maybe no. It's a great imitat that Poppa could have been somebody else, the monkey who the monkey's uncle a scotchman named mac duff.

In just a moment, the second act of Philip Marlowe. But first, grouch ome Mark. We'll make another of his famed personal appearances on most of these same CBS stations this Wednesday Night. Groucho Marx, whose many activities include MCing You Bet Your Life, one of the craziest quiz shows on the air. You're cordially invited to hear Groucho Marx every.

Wednesday on CBS.

Now with our star Gerald Moore, we returned to the second act of Philip Marlowe and Tonight's story, The Monkey's Uncle.

I walked around the body of the girl on the freight house floor. I took a close look at the cage lock. There was no doubt that it has been forced from the outside. The watchman staring down at the body was shaking like a motorcycle with square wheels. So I took him by the arm and walked him down the stairs and outside with some air.

It's terrible.

I don't know what to do.

Nothing like this ever happened here before. Never told me what I'm supposed.

To do in a case like that.

It's easy. Just call the police.

Police.

Yeah, I'll sell the SPCA and Frank Buck Chances I will need him all before the night.

So okay, mister hey, who said getting out.

Of that cab from the top hat cape and spats? I said it was one Lord Ashley Duke, the legal owner of the champ.

What are you two players staring at him?

Just a moment, just a moment before you go inside. I want to talk to you, Lord Ashley Duke. You know my name?

Do you know Joe? That's interesting? I don't know you, sir.

I'll survive. Why'd you come down here tonight?

Because I heard that my niece was here protecting my property that's now shootablelek toss for the girl not capable to do that sort of thing.

You know, man's job, you know, and the beastly time finding the.

Place to You haven't been here before?

Oh yeah, a couple of days ago, but that was in broad daylight us.

One thing more, why did you slug Wesley mcdeath to night and dump him in a cab?

Just?

Who are you?

Anyway? Private Detective Philip Mala's name sounds Brittish enough, about as British as you are.

Oh yeah, and you I presume. Oh they watched one?

Yes, that's me, your highness.

What about macduff, Your highness, there's no choice.

The blighter wanted to welch on the transaction we've made. I refuse.

He threatened me, so I bopped him and then made out he was intoxicated, you know, packed him off in a cabineless When a man sells me a monkey by George, that monkey is mine. I thought that treatment might bring McDuff to his bloody sense.

Well it did. It made him tougher. And what's more, the chimpanzee is gone and.

The cornidius has gone.

Wait a minute, ante, come on, okay, wow, Yeah, what's.

Happened to it? Oh? No, Merle, merle baby. That's the way she was when we found her.

And that crazy monkey was in here, just to jumping up and down like he was.

It was mcdup, mcdup, that's what was that, madman.

Hoy mercrel. What was there? I don't know, but I'm gonna find out.

You stay here, Screaming Company Architectural blunder next door. It was one of those big gingerbread houses left over from the eighteen hundreds. And I got there just in time to meet the witch. The scaly front portal was jerked open in front of me, and there she stood like a pool cue and high panic, top by a head of brittle orange hair, half done up tightened curlors, the other half streaming over her face. She clutched frantically at the stained Kimona with one hand and me with the other.

What face?

Oh protect me, it's take.

It easy with your.

Calm down and tell me what happened.

I was upstairs in my room taking my head down when I happened to look over at the window and there was that face, jumped right up against the glass. Oh, I swear I never seen nothing like that before I took the cure.

Missed it all right? Now listen, yeah, all over it?

Red eyes and big green in mouth? What was like one of them giant go willas.

That cut in the moon.

That's cornad. It's all right. Where's the room?

I walked there at the ahead of them standing.

Alone.

Well then come along, Corne's a train champion. Won't hurt you?

Oh no, not me, brother, I didn't.

Where where? Tell me? Is that a passage out there between the houses?

Oh no, that was the kind of an airshift me.

Up at the bay.

You mean you can't get through to the alley.

Yeah, that's right.

There's no way out of there except the street.

Right, come on, let's get outside. We got them cornered.

Oh you got your corner.

Baby, missed it?

Not me.

I didn't want nothing want to do with that.

I'd be pulled the air shaft was a scant eighteen inches wide and as dark and cluttered as the inside of a goat pen with odors to mash. I worked my way back as far as the bashful light in the street.

Road, so it would be careful in there.

Missed it, then I stopped and listened. But Cornads was a genius. There wasn't a sound, and I couldn't see my hand in front of my face, to say nothing of a black hair chimpanzee was no doubt getting a big kick out of the entire procedure. I decided to try psychology on him. So I called, and what I hoped was a firm but friendly voice, and it got me no place. I groped my way along the wall of the drain pipe and called again, this time shorter on the friendly and longer on the firm, which was

Oh he's going, Who's god?

It was up on the drain pipe. It hits you on the head with something that ran right, asked me, and got away in a taxi. Oh come on, let's get out.

Wait a minute, baby, I could have sworn you said that the monkey took a taxi. He did.

I watched the whole as soon as it got out in the street. A man in a checked the can with a crooked stick in his hand, came out for between them buildings over there and called it. They ran up to a taxi. The driver jumped out and drove away.

I seen him.

The driver jumped out and they drove away. I don't think you took the cure soon enough.

Well, I've seen something else too. A fat brad in a high hat and spat came charging out of the freight house there. Saw the cab leaving gotten a green coopd O.

He smoked, that's my car. Oh it's gone. How do you like that?

Yeah, now maybe you believe me.

Huh, every scrowy word, sweetheart. And now look you didn't happen to see.

Well, look that's the cab driver.

Then don't want to see what happened. I gotta have a witness. My tax was hijacked off of me by two crazy guys. One of them looked like an ape, exactly like an ape.

Move over, Bud, we're on the same raft. My car's gone too. Tell mean what happened? Well, you started at the top.

Okay, tonight, I bring this big shot and a high hat down here to the freight house.

He hops out, tells me to wait.

See.

So I drive down the block and thrown around.

I'm parked right over there trying to grab a quick forty winks when.

Up comes this looon a scotchman.

Yeah him.

He throws me a fast a dress and starts getting in say. I politely tell him the flag is down, but he keeps coming.

Yeah, yeah, I know. It's just like now, look, did you ever see this scotchman before?

No?

Never.

I figure maybe he's got a snoot full of happy days nothing more. So I'm reaching over to block him when a pair of hands that feels like a door mat with muscles grabs me around the neck.

I twist around and look and what do I see him? I don't know, but an ape man is crawling in my wing.

So help me.

I'm rubbing noses with a missing leak.

Yeah I know. Then what happened mac.

I jumped out of the taxi, and before I know it, the old geezer gives me a cloud with his stick piles in the next thing, My tax is gone, just like that.

You gotta believe me. Somebody's gotta buy me.

Yeah.

If I try this on the cops, that will have me in a patter of selling no time.

I don't worry about it, fellow, Just reach hard for that address the scotchman gave you. Can you remember it?

Oh?

Sure, let me see.

It was the the Rushmore Rushmore.

Yeah, that's down at the heels More.

They all out on burning somewhere surround the Beverly boulevard.

Ed Mason's stepped on something here on the sidewalk.

Oh, you sure did, cutey, you smashed it too.

It looks like somebody's watched Crystal.

Sure, ladies, watch Crystal. Oh nice one. See it had this hung of black.

Ribbon with it.

Ladies, Hey, wait a minute, let me see that.

Sure here it's velvets.

Yeah, yeah, sure is. It doesn't fit not here. No one's been here for the three of us in the chimp so long. Kids. Hey, hey wait, I'm going to talk to a liar about a murder. I'll see you later at headquarters. I hope talk to the night watchman in the freight house. Shall be good for each other. I was two blocks on foot finding another taxi in fifteen minutes getting from there out to the motel, worrying all the way because I'd left my gun under the

Anyway, a bargain's a bargain, uf, you'd have done better to stick by it.

He stick wade if he had your scare of me, crew.

Gond reach for your chain. It's a little late for that. You're in a real jam now. I'm gonna see you playing for my niece's murder.

But I didn't kill her.

I pushed her down if she got me unlocking Carnelia's cage and tried to stop me. But I didn't kill her.

You did that, yes, yes, but who knows that except you and the monk there, and he can't talk, and you won't late me.

Ay your daft man.

Why did you do it?

Because I had to, because Merle was pleading me to death every cente I lay my hands on.

I had to buy her silence.

I had to pretend to lose thousands and poor investments. Well, Merle got what was coming to her, and you gave me that chance. I found her on the floor where you left her and simply finished the job.

Then you ran off and came back in that taxi fifteen minutes later, the very sp of innocence. I saw you very well, Lord Ashley Duke. You've got me as a thief tool.

So get on with it. Get on with it, filthy evil plant.

I'm ready.

I'll be in a hurry. Mcdoubts say where you are, Ashley, don't bother it turning around. Just drop the gun, you know, let me down, Laddy, I knew it.

It's this o boy.

Let's get the accent, birch. You won't need it where you're going. Drop that gun, I said, you will move.

Shoot me with that pipe in your pocket. Wallow. I've got your gun here in my hand and you know it.

Want to bed well it with the light out?

Yes?

Oh oh, it's a very strange thing lead hit you butt once there are two lumps on your skull.

You can missconditions.

You have a mind skipping. I don't want to talk about it.

Where's Ashley dressed up there in the corner. He should be coming around soon. You see, Cornelius, as you've no doubt learned, is a great imitator. When he saw Ashley bat you on the head with a gun, he grabbed McCaine, leaped up on the dresser there and batted Ashley.

On the head with this headache. Okay, don't tell me I'm indebted to that, just when I was learning to hate him.

We both are for our lives.

But tell me what does a black velvet ribbon and a watch crystal mean?

Mumble that over and over while you were out.

Oh, well, that's how I knew Ashley was a liar and a killer. See the cab driver stepped on a round piece of glass. It looked like a watch crystal with a ribbon attached. Happened on the sidewalk in front of an ass shaft. Actually the oh, actually the glass.

Was a monocle drop my lord Ashley duque.

Oh, Ashley never been at that spot. No, what if Cornadi has had, and if Cornadias dropped a monocle, it indicated that or Ashley Duke had been someplace with Cornadius earlier night. You see, I could only be the freight house it. Ashley claimed he hadn't been there for two days. Oh oh you do? Oh how about you Cornelius. Oh well, that's one of the best dances I've had tonight. It didn't take long at police headquarters, maybe an hour altogether.

The Adventures of Philip Marlowe Bringing You Raymond, Chandler's most famous character star Gerald Moore, are produced and directed by Norman McDonald and are written for radio by Robert Mitchell and gene Leavitt. As a special note of terest Philip marlow fans, you'll be glad to know that radio and Television Life magazine has this week named Gerald Moore as the best male actor in radio. Featured in our cast were Mary Lansing, John Dayner, Tudor Owen, Sam Edwards, Michael

Time a case hard and ka hop knocked me down a flight of stairs, an honest woman was strangled by a green silk sash, and a simpering dandy was shot to death, all because of a run of the mill traffic accident five hundred miles away.

You hear them all on CBS, and one of the funniest parts of that all comes from the bird brain of a woman, Miss Gracie Allen of Burns and Allen, top troopers on the American stage for years top radio stars. After that, George and Gracie are now playing a big part in CBS's great Wednesday Night lineup bing Crosby Groucho Marx, George and Gracie, Doctor Christian join George Burns and Gracie Allen this Wednesday Night on most of the same CBS stations.

This is Roy Rowan speaking.

Now stay tuned for Pursuit, which follows immediately over most of the same CBS stations. This is CBS where Burns and Allen are heard every Wednesday night. At the Columbia Broadcasting.

System, this is Andrew Ryans with Outrwesterns dot com, where we stream live ol Time Radio Westerns twenty four hours a day, seven days a week with a special twist you so the tracks that get to be played. We've got a thousand different episodes from shows like gun Smoke, Tales of the Texas Rangers, Escape, Genautry, and many more. Come check us out at OTR Westerns dot com slash

Welcome back. Well, I have to say one of the weakest Scottish accents over radio that didn't be one nay, to be fair that they didn't do as well, but the award by Gerald Moore definitely well earned, brings a lot to the role, and certainly this role as Philip Marlow is just a very powerful and memorable performance. Speaking of that, we do have some listener comments and feedback regarding Ladies Night. Natalie says, this is a terrific episode. Just loved it, listen to it twice in fact, and