You sound mad at me

on TikTok Parker Underscore Underscore Smith is that right? Oh? Sure? Has a viral TikTok and a lot of a lot of these viral tiktoks have been from this podcast that I post of us talking about out your questions, and that's what we do on this podcast. We answer your questions. If you have anything that you'd ever like to ask,

you email Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. Me and my guest will answer it as though we're sitting in the truck and you have a question and you say, man, can I run something by you guys, And in a very casual way, I would answer it like we're best buds, and I'm like, well, if I were in your shoes. This is my advice to you. It's not always right, but it is a casual form of giving you advice

that I would give a friend. And the guests that I have on here are the same people that I use in my life when I need a question answered, which is important because I want to share that with you guys, and that's the purpose of this podcast, and I want to dive in today episode one oh one with the first question. It says, Hey, Granger, my name is Corey Furman from York County, Pennsylvania. Shout out to Pennsylvania. I'm twenty years old. I'm a youth pastor at LCBC Church.

It says parentheses, You're always welcome to our fifteen locations. By the way, my question for you is this, What is one routine that it has stuck with you from your church or from Bible study that still holds up like a Detroit engine that you continue to do every day in your life. Says keep on being you, Corey Furman.

The subject line of this is routine, routine, routine, and that is something that me and you and our other brother Tyler have studied and tried so hard to adapt and perfect and create a routine, because so much of life is routine, and that could be good or bad.

You could make bad habits a routine. In fact, it's a lot easier to make a bad habit become a routine without you even knowing it, and you could fall into the trap of getting your bad habits becoming a machine, you know, becoming a routine machine in your brain, and then you get trapped, and then it takes a long time to find your way out of that trap. Is there anything Parker, that you have created in the last few years of routine that is worth sticking to and

what would you say to Corey in his question. There's a lot of things that come to mind, but the first one that has been really beneficial to me. And I'd be interested to get your thoughts on this because it gets mixed feelings from people who think that this

is irresponsible. But I started sleeping with my phone in the kitchen and about I start winding down in the evening around nine pm, and so right before I go there, I'll put my phone in the kitchen and then that like next thirty minutes to an hour is like my time to go into my room, get ready for bed, I'll pray and then I'll read and then it's honestly, when I go my room and I close that door, it's just such a relief not even having my phone anywhere near me or there to tempt me with getting

on and scrolling social media. I'm sure that there are less drastic ways to do this, but it's worked for me as a unmarried twenty eight year old that may not need to wake up in the middle of the night for an urgent call. Well, do you say it's irresponsible because of the fact that somebody might be calling you with something urgent and people are like, how could you do that? What if someone needs you in the

middle of the night. Yeah, that's a that's a reflection of our culture that we think that we think that the reason we need to keep a phone next to us is just in case someone really needs to get a hold of us, And I don't think that's always the reason. That's a reason, then that's a justifiable reason, But I think the truth is we love our phones, We're addicted to them, and we'd like to we'd like to have them close to us at all times. It's the way it sues this to sleep at night. It

gives us our information. We crave first thing when we open our eyes, and so to say to sacrifice all of that bad habit because it is bad by saying I want to be available if there's an emergency, I don't know. I don't know if I could justify that. And you, guys, if you're watching on YouTube or iTunes, comment comment below your thoughts. I do the same thing, guys. I do not sleep with my phone in the room. And oh, I didn't know. You didn't. No, I don't. I it's kind of weird. It goes in my closet.

I have a little charging station in my closet on a shelf, and I have my my power source. And after I finish my you know, brushing my teeth and take a shower, I go put my phone on the charger and we part ways and I don't see it till the morning. Then I have I have my phone set up where it's on do not disturb, and then it will it will kick back on at eight thirty am. I am guilty many times of you know, you type in the little code to disable that do not disturb

on all my apps. I can't get to my apps unless I type a code in before eight thirty am, because I don't want to be on my phone before eight thirty am. It should actually be later than that, because once you get on your phone, your day has begun, or there's a text that you have to react to, or an email that you have to react to. And sometimes you're in the early morning, you're not ready to react to a work related text or some some kind of urgent text that someone sent you. At twelve fifty

eight am, Hey man, we got a problem. You need to make sure tomorrow, so you already start thinking about that. So, yeah, I don't sleep with my phone either. I do on the road, I don't sleep with it either. But I do know that on the road Bull my bus drivers always driving in the middle of nine. So I know that two things. One, if there's an emergency, they're gonna

call Bull and let him know. Two, if there's an emergency, there's nothing I could do on the road immediately, right like, there's nothing I could There's no plane I could jump on, there's no there's no I get up early anyway. So I'm gonna find out and then I'm gonna deal with it. And some of y'all might be thinking that's a little insensitive, but gosh, I just can you what's a what's an emergency you could even think of. We're getting deep now,

but say you don't sleep with your phone. What's an emergency that anyone on this planet would need you at three am to react? Right now? I would say, something that I think about is like mom being at the ranch and slipping out of the shower or something, okay, and then she calls and but she would probably just call an ambulance in that situation. So there's not really anything that I could do that would be the first

thing that comes to mind. Or if I had like teenage kids that were out and they needed to come home, making sure that they got home safe or something like that. But in that situation, probably wouldn't be going to sleep with my kids out. You have a teenage kid that's out of your house, I'm not going to be away from my phone. I'm not going to be falling asleep. Yeah, I'm gonna be on the couch waiting for them. Right. So yeah, that's a good example. But other than that,

it's an interesting discussion. I'd be willing to read comments and see what people say, but I think it's a I think you're right. It's a great routine to set boundaries. Let's just put it that way. Set some kind of boundaries with your phone, and because that really sets the tone for your day. I think the second routine we should bring up is waking up at about the same

time every single day, including the weekends. It's there's been so many studies done that if you wake up and go to bed at the same time every day, you are You're you're far better set up for consistency during the day and less anxiety and building an eating routine and a workout routine, and a work routine, and a relationship routine, and I'll love your spouse routine, and a be a better parent routine, be a better buddy routine. You're better set up if you're getting if you're getting sick,

consistent sleep. So how do you go to bed earlier? You wake up earlier. So it starts with waking up earlier. That's number one. If you set your alarm for say six am, you're not gonna be staying up till one am anymore. You're gonna be so tired. You're like, man, I got a crash. My alarm is gonna go off at six, whether I like it or not. I better go to bed and then pretty soon then you have

this this routine of going to bed early. So yeah, Corey, I think I think I'll start with that before anything else. I would start with reasonable boundaries with your phone and a routine set bedtime and wake up time, and a lot of things fall into play after those things are set. So I have a lot for this episode. One on one. I have a lot of questions that I've brought in and I have not read many of these. A lot of these just came in, Like one of these came in this morning at ten am. A lot of them

came in yesterday. So these are fresh questions. I don't have not vetted them. So let me just jump onto this one. This one subject is anonymous. Please. It says I love watching all the Smith related things. I look up to you and Amber as wonderful parents, loving spouses, and most importantly Christian leaders. I wish I could be the person you repeatedly encourage everyone to be. Episode ninety nine has really taken its emotional toll on me. That

was you right. Multiple mental health issues have led me to a miserable life, killed a marriage, and estranged me from my one and only child. Hospitalizations, outpatient treatments, multiple doctors, suicide attempts, and a zillion medications could not stop sinful behaviors that have ruined my life. No, staying married is not the best option. She's referring to our episode ninety nine. Spouses should not be forced to endure things that even

the Bible says are legitimate reasons for divorce. So there's not really a question in here to Anonymous, Right, I didn't really heard. I didn't hear a question, just more I'm struggling to I'm struggling to be a better person. Right, Yeah, So, so, miss mis Anonymous, without your question, I will just I'll comment a little bit and then I don't want to spend too much time on it, but i'll comment this. You sound. You sound resentful towards getting better. You sound

you sound resentful to biblical teaching. You sound mildly resentful towards me, And I'm not. I'm not putting any fault on you because you've you've been through extensive suffering. But there's a story in the Bible when there's the the man at the healing pool, right, and he's he's been there for for decades. He's crippled and he's at the pool and he's on his mat. And there's this old story in the Gospels, and in this old this old pagan tradition, an angel would a would here in the

pool and through these bubbles. It was really just a what do you call it when the earth is bubbling seismic? It was like a seismic natural gas from here. So they thought in the old in the ancient days, they thought that those bubbles coming out of the pool were actually an angel. And if you hurried and you jumped in the pool and the waters could heal you, and you could you could be healed from your being crippled.

And this this fascinating story in the in the Bible where Jesus himself goes to the pool and he's he's going after this one man who's crippled and he's on a mat and he's waiting for these bubbles, and Jesus says, let me just speak in plain terms here. Jesus says, bro, what are you doing? And he says, I'm I'm waiting

on the bubbles the angel to heal me. But every time the bubbles come up, everyone rushes around past me in the run where they rush down the steps, and I don't ever get my turn, and I can never, never gonna get in the water. Basically, Anonymous, and all due respect, this sounds similar to you. I have. So I have problems. Everything's going wrong, and I can and everyone is passing me up and having this good life and they're encouraging me, but but I just can't do it.

And Jesus says, it's so profound. But he says, do you want to be healed? And he's you know, you could just imagine this tension with him, this crippled guy thinking, well, I try, but I can't, and Jesus says, do you want to be healed? Take me me, Take me, and you'll be healed. And so Anonymous, I would say, you have you have a story. Everyone does. Everyone has a story. You have suffering. Everyone has suffering, You've had hardships. You're human.

I'm sorry. I could sympathize with you, but I will not empathize with you. And there's a difference between those two things. I could sympathize by saying you're in the quicksand, and I got one foot on dry land, and I'll put one foot in the quicksand with you and say, do you want to be healed? If I was gonna empathize with you, I would just jump in the quicksand with you and we'd both start sinking and hold each other and go life sucks. At least we have each

other to hold. That's empathizing. So I'm gonna sympathize with one foot on the dry land and say, anonymous, do you want to be healed? Because the Bible offers you a way out of this. It offers you a way. It offers you hope and peace and joy, and it is not going to lead you astray. It will not. You can't read any thing in that book that's going to lead you astray or be misinterpreted. You say spouses should not be forced to endure things that even the

Bible says they are legitimate. Don't ever say that. Don't ever say there's certain things, there's certain things that even the Bible doesn't know. Are there certain things that even the Bible can't fix? That is not true? And if you think that way, then you're you're the person at the pool that says, I can't be healed and until you could realize I want to be healed, until you can come there emotionally, then you can't be It's interesting.

That's the first thing that Jesus asks, I love this story. He doesn't. That's the first thing he asks. He's like, let's get right down to business here. Do you want to be healed? Because that's the most important question of it all. Do you want it to be better? Or do you want to stay in your misery or you're kind of enjoying wallowing and sulking in your misery and your self pity, believing that you're undeserving of Jesus's grace.

I heard that someone said, uh, they said, if you believe that your sins and your suffering is not not covered through the grace of Christ and Jesus is sacrificed for you, it's kind of the most selfish thing that you can do, is believe that you're suffering and your sins that not even the Son of God could sacrifice himself, and that wouldn't be enough. You're saying now that still

wouldn't be enough. You don't understand It's exactly right, because she says, hospitalizations, outpatient treatments, multiple doctors, suicide attempts, and a zillion medications could not stop sinful behaviors. Yeah, you're right, You're exactly right. I'm sorry that you had to figure that out the hard way, but you're exactly right. None of those things can stop sinful behaviors. Only Jesus can, only complete trust in him, can come to him as

you are. Christianity is different than any other form of religion in the way that we come to Him as we are and he fixes us, as opposed to any other religion that says I better fix myself, so then I'm worthy of God. You're worthy right now, You're ready, right now in your state, in your sinful, miserable, wretched state. I'm speaking for you and i'm speaking for me, same terms, sinful, miserable, wretched, good.

You're ready to be healed. So you didn't ask me a question to this podcast, you did not ask me a question. But I'll ask you one question. Do you want to be healed? Do you want to be healed? We've gotten default just question too. Let's do a couple more and take a break. First year away at college seems like maybe a little bit more lighthearted. It says,

please keep my last name anonymous. Hello, mister Smith. I'm a twenty year old kid who grew up in southern California, and I'm now attending a college in Chicago to study and play baseball. I moved in Friday, August twenty seventh, and it's currently September first, and I haven't felt at home once. I know that this is a very short time to adjust, but it doesn't feel like the right place for me, and I'm considering quitting baseball even though

we haven't even started a single practice yet. I feel stressed all the time. I haven't been able to eat or sleep a lot. I feel like I'm not the only kid going through this, but I would love your advice. Thank you again for taking time to answer this, Derek, this sounds like a right up Parker's Alley kind of question. The first thing that comes to mind is your feelings are real. They're there, but that doesn't mean that you

should trust them. Right Your first instinct being put out of your comfort zone is always going to be that fear. It's not going to feel homey. The first time you're away from home and you're in this strange place with all new people, completely out of your comfort zone. Acknowledge that and that's okay, But don't fall for just because I'm feeling uncomfortable that that means that I should turn around and go home. And this isn't this isn't right.

A lot of times on the other end of this is going to be so much wisdom and confidence through getting out of your comfort zone going to this new place. What a great opportunity. And if after a year to three years you're still feeling that way and your gut feeling is like this is not right, then that's a different conversation. But right now, man, you just got there, gonna it's not gonna feel like home right when you

first get there. Don't trust those feelings. Try to try to think and you know the long term and how many young men have gone through that same feeling. You're not alone, yeah, Derek, Right on, Southern California is not Chicago. You're a long way from home. This is a completely it's a different climate, it's a different landscape, these are different people in the Midwest, is a different mentality than you're used to in Southern California. You just got to

give it some time. Brother, You got to hang in there. What just Parker said it right. What you're feeling is validated and your right to be to admit your vulnerability. Maybe you're not admitting it to very many people besides this podcast. But what you're feeling is is normal. People are scared to change, man, and you resist it with normal to resist a change, and this is a big

This is the biggest change. Dude. You're twenty years old, a completely different environment, first time away from friends and family, you're on your own. You would feel this at some level if you went to usc just down the road, if you went to UCLA just down the road, you would feel the same thing. But it's even worse that you're all the way out there in Chicago. You can't one night you're just feeling like you need some Mom's fried chicken. You can't jump in the car and two

hours you're gonna see her. It's like a big deal. You got to get on a plane or you know, it's a long way. So what you're feeling is totally justified. So but I'm gonna say, fight through it. Hang in there. It's like the monkey bars, man, hang on to those monkey bars. Just don't let go, and you're gonna finds as the It's like you jumped in an ice bath. When have you ever taken an ice bath? And you look at it and you fear it, and you you're

you literally sweat just looking at it. And when I look at an ice bath, my heart rate goes up. I haven't even touched the water. My heart rate goes up, and I'm like, oh man, oh man, this is gonna hurt. This is gonna hurt. And you get around and you put your hand, you know, you grip the sides of the bath, and you plunge yourself in it, and it's exactly like you thought. It hurts. It sends your whole

body into shock. All of your organs just contract. All your blood rushes to your central organs to preserve them, and everything leaves your extremities and you think you're literally dying. And then you hang in there and you battle through it and a certain amount of seconds go by. For me, literally this is a thirty second deal. You wait about thirty seconds. And when I do this kind of thing, I literally watch my watch and when I get to thirty seconds, I go, oh huh, I'm not dying. I'm okay,

this is I feel fine. My body's naturally reacting to the cold water. And so I would say, Derek, back to you, I would say, look at your clock, and your case is probably a calendar. Look at this is August twenty seventh, when you're writing this, or that's when you moved in. I would say, I would look at Christmas right, look at the Christmas break and go, okay, that's my thirty seconds. It's going to be sooner than that.

But look at the Christmas break and go all right, I got to make it to that, because then I'll be acclimated. And you'll notice that every week that goes by gets a little easier. You meet your buddies. You moved there for baseball, Dude, you haven't even met your buddies yet. These are going to be the future best friends of your life, probably that you're going to meet in this locker room. These are guys you're going to go through adversity with. You're going to go through challenges,

ups and downs, victories and losses. You're going to compete together. You're going to meet a girlfriend, You're gonna You're going to learn so much about yourself. And who you are. And by Christmas time, that's your litmus test. That's when you look at the calendar and go, you know what, I it's Christmas time and Granger was wrong. I still hate it. Maybe, but if you go before then, that's like getting out of the ice before you hit thirty seconds.

Your body never adjusted. You never gave yourself a chance. So brother, give yourself a chance. You know. It's even more depressing than the being uncomfortable at the very beginning in a new place or a new city is the thought of the guys who never left and they stayed home, and they will always have that regret of staying in their comfort zone. Man. Think about that, Derek, think about if you hadn't have gone, and the impact that would

be on the rest of your life. I wonder what it had been like if I had gone to play baseball in Chicago. Dude, that's such a baseball city too, Chicago. You gotta go. You gotta go see the Cubs play. There's some people probably screaming White Sox right now, Okay, cool,

go to that too. Go to a Cubs game at Wrigley Field and get yourself a hot dog and a big old coke and sit there in riggy Field and go, I'm a Chicago resident right now, the southern California boy is now a Chicago resident soaking in the American game of baseball. Not only am I watching it, I'm playing in the city of Chicago. I'm playing baseball. Let that soak in for a second. Good question, brother, Let's take a break. We'll be right back. Podcast has brought you

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it every time. It's amazing. Your rise on TikTok has been pretty remarkable. Tyler talks about it all the time, Like anytime we're out with new people, especially in like entertainment business, Tyler's always like, uh yeah, Parker, actually, in three or four months got eight hundred thousand fans on TikTok. I don't think he realizes that the time's going faster than three or four months, but you are a viral TikToker. He always gets mad at me for not posting more.

I have a great question to lead us into second segment of episode one on one. It says Subdecline says, how do I answer this colon? How did God become God? Hey Grangeer, my name is Al I live in Johannesburg, South Africa. I love your podcast and your music, which is the highlight of my Monday and every single week. Thank you, It says, I never miss a Smith or at Ambers arrives. I spend a lot of time with amazing young ten year old girl who's part of my

son's extended family. She asked me the other day how did God become God? And despite having faith and being a believer, I have no idea how to how to answer her. He just is is hard to explain to a young person, and I was wondering, how would you answer this? Be blessed and many things. Al's a what a cool question? How did God become God? How did

God become God? And this is coming from a ten year old that's asking Al this question, and so she's basically wanting a form of apologetics a way to help answer. But anytime we have to answer a question like this, we learn more about our faith in the process of rehearsing how we're going to say to someone else. I've never had to answer this specific question. But I hear what you're saying. You're saying, you're saying. If you tell this girl, he just is, it sounds like a cop out.

It sounds like an easy answer. But the answer to how did God become God is he didn't. He always was. Now let me try to make that more specific. We'll use math, simple mathematics. A ten year old would know mathematics, right. I have an almost ten year old daughter. She understands multiplication and division and mathematics and algebra. So let me put it. Put it in simple mathematics. In the universe, if they're ever was nothing zero, then zero times what

will ever equal something? That's my question. The answer is if there ever was nothing, then there always forever will be nothing. It's zero times any number is always zero every time. If there always was or no excuse me, if there ever at any time at any point, if there ever was something, then there always was and always will be something because one times whatever number is always whatever number, zero times whatever number is always zero. So if you exist and I exist, that means something has

always existed. Because we could not have come from zero. We could not have come from nothing. So we believe, Barker and I at this table, we believe that God is what existed before we did. God was the one that multiplied to us, which equals the number us, the number of all of us and everything. Every star, every moon, every galaxy, every rock, every tree, every human being is times one. Right. Once again, I'm trying to put this in perspective of a ten year old girl. So the

answer how did God become God? Is only God always was God. That's the only explanation because God is one times everything. If God, if anything had to become God, then it would have been God. And if that was God, then something had to have been God before that because something has to come from something. Something can never come from nothing. I do Okay, Yes, that was a lot. I gotta think about that on I think I need

to rewind that and listen to it again. I heard a guy say one time to answer that question, he had he had a bunch of blocks. Since I'll have a mug in front of me that's sitting on table, and they're they're asking where God came from, and he says, Kate, the mug is sitting on the table. So I have a mug here sitting on the table. What's the table on Okay, the table is on this wood floor in the house. Okay, Well, what's the house on the house is on the earth. What is the earth on the earth?

Is it just the earth doesn't need a origin or like a starting point to support itself. It just is there. There's nothing for it to sit on. And that was the analogy he used for gotten. Yeah, I would say to the ten year old girl, I would say, I would say, Babe, isn't it incredible? Isn't it mind blowing that God didn't have to become anything? He was already perfect and perfection cannot be perfected. Isn't that? Isn't that

mine wasn't amazing? And just see what she says to that good question now and shout out to our fans in South Africa. Let me see what else I could pull in the old old email vault. If you guys have anything for me, it's Granger Smith podcast at gmail dot com. That's Granger Smith with no I in the Granger, part I in the Smith, but no eye in the Granger.

We used to travel around as in a band. We still get still we still did a former life, but in the in the days when we were in a van and we would pull up to a lot of places that had and marquee with the old plastic letters that you put in the marquee, and so many times we pulled up to the venue and it said Friday night Granger Smith with an I in the granger g R A I N G E R. And so we would we would pull up to the venue, and it

was like a tradition. We would take the eye and then push the push the granger back together, and then as a token, as a souvenir for what we probably should have got paid at the venue, we kept the eye in our trailer and eventually we had like a thousand eyes all in the roof, like shoved in the rafters of the roof of the trailer. I never heard that story. I wonder where all those eyes are now.

I should probably return them to the right. Fore I was gonna say, young Granger was a little more mischievous. I was very mischievous before I found Jesus. Here's one that just it's very simple. It says help with a single sibling. Hey, Granger, and my husband and I are huge fans. YE Radio is almost constantly playing in our home and garage, and we're rocking EE Apparel often. Thank you for all that we've seen you in concert a bunch, and we look forward to seeing you in Schenectady, New

York in September. You're the reason my husband likes country music at all. Man, that's awesome. I love to thank you, says I wish that that was the only reason for writing. Though. My only brother, thirty six years old, lives in Boston. He's single, never been married. I'm his youngest sister. I'm

thirty three years old, and I'm obviously married. Year after year, I hear how my brother finds a girl that he really likes, but after a few months she always winds up being crazy and ultimately not the right person for him. He has been on tons of dating apps, but the pandemic has slowed dating for him for obvious reasons. I always try to suggest for him something different, dating instead of just an app, or at least just meeting real people, but no matter what I say to him, it turns

into a massive argument. He's told me he doesn't want to hear any more advice on the subject from me or from anyone else, family or friends, and wants to keep doing things his way. I want to respect his wishes and be supportive because he's my brother, but I want to see him happy, even though I think his idea of dating is the definition of insanity. I appreciate any advice. I'm all out of ideas on what to do or not to do. Many thanks for the music

and everything you do. Congrats some of the new baby Andrea and Hurley, New York. Shout out to New York Andrea, thanks for your question, Thanks for your sweet, sweet words, and I cannot wait to see you and your husband in Schenectady. Hopefully that the craziness of the world keeps that show rocking. Thirty six year old brother single in Boston, never been married, and he loves dating apps. I think

a lot of people could relate to this. I think everybody has a close friend or a sibling who is making the wrong choices, whether it be romantically or in other ways, and you're trying to explain to them that what they're doing is not working, but it's just not going through their head. You are telling them that you know how to help, and they don't want help. What do you say to that, How do you help someone

who doesn't want to be helped. Yeah, it's interesting because she says, he told me he doesn't want to hear any more advice on the subject from me or anyone else. And you said, no matter what I say to him, it turns into a massive argument. So what we could deal with me and you Andrea is not your brother, because we can't affect what he does. But what we can control when I say, we like it like we're

a team here. But what we can't control, Andrea is the way you react to him and what you say to him and how you treat him, and letting it turn into a massive argument is a problem on your end. I'm not innocent of this kind of thing myself. I struggle with this, and I sympathize with you Andrea in this kind of situation. But you don't want it to ever let something like this turn into a massive argument, because then that just turns his years off. He doesn't

want to hear anything else from you. He's done with you, he's done with the subject, and he wants to just go back to what he feels comfortable doing, and that's dating crazy girls. So what we need to do is figure out how to not make this a massive argument ever. And one of the things that one way to approach that is stop trying to be right. And I'm gonna

say it. I'm gonna repeat again what I told you, this is I'm not good at this, So what I'm speaking is something I need to put into better practice, and I think i've I've gotten better over the year years from where I was, but still not great at it. And that's just going at your brother and not trying to be right. Are no more than him, just because you're married, and just because you have a great husband and he loves yee and country music, which I think

he's great too. Because of that, that doesn't make you better than your brother, or right or more knowledgeable. But marriage, you just have been blessed enough to find the right guy at the right time, and you tied the knot.

And so when you're with your brother, it's all about loving him and showing compassion and sympathizing with his situation and doing Parker, maybe you could have helped me with this, but it's like I would suggest doing thirty percent of the talking and let him do seventy percent of the talking in this kind of scenario, let him answer his own questions enough where he realizes there's a problem because he's talking and answering his own questions, and so do

more asking and more listening and less advice giving. Yeah, I agree. I don't really have anything to add to that. Yeah, Yeah, you're you're in. You're in a boat that a lot of people are in, Andrea, and you're just not gonna You're not gonna change him or you're not gonna convince him of a he's not gonna go. Oh, Andrea, thank goodness you told me dating apps are bad, and then

I shouldn't do that. Thank goodness you told me that, because now I'm on a good path, and hopefully, with your great advice, little sister, I'm gonna really figure things out. It's just it's not gonna happen. All you can do is love him and love your husband and show him the example of love that you give your husband and your husband gives back to you, and just take him into your house and listen to him and let him

do seventy percent of the talking. Yeah, he'll see the fruits of your life, and he already knows the fruits of his. He doesn't need someone to that. What did you say in episode ninety nine? Your actions are so loud, I can't hear what you're saying, So that works both ways. Your actions are so loud, I can't hear what you're

saying that works negatively and it works positively. So make your actions so beautiful that he doesn't matter what you say, because you're showing love and you're showing compassion to him and your husband that he wants more that right, we got one here. The subject line is not sure what to do. This is a recent email. It says, Hey Grangeer, I'm sixteen. I'm from Harris, Minnesota. Shout out to Minnesota. It says, I know I have a good life, but

I'm not happy with who I am. I have a full time job at a machine shop with ten hour days plus overtime when I'm available. I bought my first truck, and around the time I turned fifteen, I struggle with a huge form of ADHD and a processing disorder. I try to hide it as much as I can, and I try to get good grades enough to pass my classes. But the one thing that I really struggled with as girls.

And I've tried my hardest to talk to them and treat them like they deserve, but I always get rejected and I can't figure out what causes me to get rejected. How do I get over that. I met one girl and she was so beautiful and had a wonderful family, and it helped me build up my confidence and helped my buddy stopped me. But my buddy stopped me from ending it, and she didn't even know I was depressed. So please don't sugarcoat this. I won't be offended. I

listened to classic country. I'm not a fan of new country, but I love your music. Thanks for reading this, guys. I'm sorry this whole email didn't have one punctuation mark in it, so I've kind of trying to figure out how to paraphrase. But it's a long sentence. It was one long sentence sixteen and he's Parker, this is this is You're great at this. He's sixteen, he's saying, He's saying grain drum sixteen or from Harris, Minnesota. Wow. He says,

don't sugarcoat this. I won't be offended. Get it to give it to him part I'm sensing. I'm sensing sensing some victim mentality. Maybe he kind of started it out. He started out with kind of complaining about his job, complaining about the long hours, complaining about his ADHD. Keep in mind, he said at the beginning, I'm not happy with who I am. Yeah, I think that that's that's the underlying problem. It's not it's not rejection with girls or anything else you want to add on top of that.

I think that that starts with an honest conversation with with himself, looking in the mirror and saying, why am I not happy with who I am? I heard someone say one time that if someone were to tell you to rate your life on a scale of one to ten, on a scale of zero being absolutely miserable and depressed and a ten being completely fulfilled and full of joy on a daily basis, what would you rate yourself? And

then whatever number you give count down from ten. So if you're like, I'm a six right now, then you'll subconsciously come up with that number and think of those four notches that brought it down from a ten. Those

are the things you need to work on. So where it's like, well, I don't have a good relationship with God, I'm overweight, I don't get much sleep, and I'm in content in my singleness and I wish I had a girlfriend, it's like it's a pretty good indicator a way to look at the four things that you need to work on.

And so I think it starts with him with I notice, like if you're constantly in fear of getting rejected by women, I think it starts with saying that you're not incomplete in your singleness, Like why are you trying to find so hard? You're sixteen years old? Like, stop worrying so much about getting the approval of girls and start asking yourself, what can I do? How can I pursue healthy activities? How can I eat better, be a good steward of my body and get some exercise. How can I surround

myself with people who are uplifting and positive? That's where I would start. Man, I can't wait to put what you just said on TikTok. It's going to go viral. That's what I'm here for. Man, I hear you. I hear you. Brother? And did he say his name on here? Am I not supposed to say his name? He didn't say it, so I won't say it. I'll keep him anonymous. But yeah, I think that the hinge of your whole email is I'm not happy with who I am. You

could have not said anything else. You could have kept the email completely blank and said granger, Hey, I'm sixteen up from Harris, Minnesota. I'm not happy with who I am? What do I do? That would have been good enough then for you to go through this list of why you struggle with girls, because the girls will not help

you be happy with who you am. There isn't There isn't a magical girlfriend a Cinderella out there that as soon as you find her slipper and you put it on and it fits her foot and she completes you, and then you go, oh, now because I'm met Cinderella. Now I'm happy with who I am. It's a miracle. Wow, this is crazy. It's exactly what I wanted. That does not exist. It does not exist. You have to, as Parker said, be content in your singleness first. Be content.

Be content. That is such a great word. Content is a word that we struggle with in today's culture. We struggle with being content where we are in our lives, what we're doing now in our lives. You're sixteen, brother, you're sweet sixteen. You know how many people listening to this podcast will go, Man, if I could have one do over, if I can go back to sixteen and do it over, if I could have a chance to have those memories that you could make with your buddies

right now. So I would lean in to your friends. I would lean into some kind of hobby or or sport, and we go down this kind of this path on this podcast where it's like, man, if you're not athletic, then there's there's a chess team, or there's the Civil War re enactment team. You know, there's there's always football, there's always baseball. Like we talked about in a few questions ago, there's there's something in this world for everyone to get involved with and meet like minded people. There's

people in ye Nation that follow me. Brother, you said you like my music. There's people that follow me that we call them Yee Nation. And I know for a fact I've met people that have gone to my shows by themselves because no one else around them was like minded enough to like country music and whatever region they're living in. So they put on their boots and their jeans and they go to my concert and they go

to the front row, and then guess what happens. They look around and the people on the right and they're left are people dressed like them, that look like them, that talk like them, and they become friends with them, and they become a unit, and they become people that

they could count on. And now I have this big band of Yege Nation that goes and they travel together, and they'll go stay at someone's house that lives in another state of some state we're playing in, and they meet them at a show, and then they become friends and it just grows. So if anything you've got Yege Nation, go to a show. I'm not even trying to promote

one of my concerts. I'm just saying, if you like Jimmy Buffett, do that, but involve yourself in places that you can surround yourself with other dudes that you could find like minded guys where you could build a bond, and you build a relationship and you become content with being sixteen and doing what you're doing. When I was sixteen, I was traveling by myself to George Strait concerts because I loved it. I loved the culture, I love the

people that went to the concerts. I loved watching the band, and I was I don't mean to say this in a way that I was I had it more figured out, because I really didn't, but I was content at that age. I was content. So work on that work on how could I be content with where I am, with what I'm doing right now. Put yourself on that path and you'll a girl will come. You'll find that. It's a good question though. Yeah, yeah, I'd get involved with the church too. If I go back to my sixteen year

old self, I would beg him. I would tell him that there's another life on the other edge of saying the prayer at the altar, call it church and accepting Jesus into your heart and then thinking you're done. I would say, man, there's a whole nother life on the other end of that that the world won't tell you about. But if you go get involved with your church, you start knocking on doors. Uh, that's spiritual doors, asking questions to God, digging into his word, seeking wives counsel. That's

so true about that one prove things. I try to balance this podcast with my my extremism in my faith, me being a Jesus freak, which I am. I try to balance that on this podcast where it's like, even though I want to answer every single question in that way, I try to balance it where I feel like you, guys, if you listen to the whole thing, you're gonna get You're gonna get the pulse of who I am and what I'm saying without me saying brother, pursue Christ full

speed ahead, and you'll be You'll be in a place. Yeah, that's that's kind of I could answer every question that way. So yeah, thanks for the question, brother, let's do let's do one more. Yeah, we're gonna say I was just gonna say, and keep listening to the podcast because it's good, great advice for young men. Hey, I love that this subject line. One more question here and then we'll let you guys get back to your Monday. But this question

says fearful child grangeer. Hello from Michigan. Shout out to Michigan. I have two daughters, Lily, who is nine, and Catherine, who is seven. Lily is outgoing and not afraid to try anything she is. She is not afraid to fall and get back up and try again until she gets it. Catherine, on the other hand, is afraid of everything. She got a new bike for Easter and is absolutely terrified of it because she fell once. She downright refuses to try again.

She refuses to try pretty much anything that makes her feel uncomfortable. I feel like she misses out on a lot because she refuses to try. I feel like we have tried everything to get her to do new things. What would you suggest, I wonder. I want her to experience new things, to have fun, and to be a kid. Congratulations on baby Maverick, the kids and I look forward to seeing you in October. Blessings, Laurel. So Hey, Laurel, thank you for writing. Shout out to Michigan and your

beautiful family. Thank you for listening to this podcast. It's a valid question and I want to want to answer it in this way. I want to start with this. You have two daughters, Lily and Catherine. You will do so well, Laurel, if you do everything you can to not compare the two and to not label them for who you think they are now, because it can can

be destructive to a child. Although natural to a parent and easy for a parent to label a child, it can become destructive if you label them at an early age as the outgoing one and the scared one. And so, although you should talk about this behind closed doors with your husband, don't ever get caught in the car or don't ever let your girls overhear you saying in a conversation with your friends. This is Lily, she's the outgoing one, and this is Catherine. She's I'm sorry, she's just a

little scared of things. Because they kids will hear that. They'll pick up on that, and they will become who you presented them as, right, They will become what you how you label them as a parent. So as parents we have to be so careful to let their little spirits go. And when we discipline, we want to, we want to. My mom used to say this, and my mom's here, I should bring her up for this. She'd

be great at this question. But she she used to always say, when you discipline, you want to break their will, but never their spirit. Let their little spirit. It's go, Catherine. Her little spirit is ready to unleash. She might be a little timid now. That might that might show later in life to be something that's very valuable to her. She might be the you know, everybody needs a mother

hen in the group. She might be the future mother hen of the college girls where all the girls are at the party and they're getting crazy, and Catherine's the one that's like, Hey, I want to pump the brakes, give me the keys, I'm taking everybody home. Don't worry. I'll take care of the I'll take care of everything here. I'll lock the doors behind so that might be who who she is is already written. It's already. It's in her dna, it's in her little, her little body, her

little spirit is who she is. And so don't don't hinder her by breaking her will and saying you need to do that. You need to be more like your sister, and Laura, I'm not accusing you of saying that, because you didn't say anything like that, but I'm I'm cautioning against you need to be more like your sister. You need to be more you need to be a kid. Things get out now. You can gently push her to

experience things. But when she pushes back to a point of tears or or rebellion in any kind of big way, then just pull her back and go, babe, it's okay. Give her a hug and just go. You're not ready yet, you will be. You'll be ready to ride this bike one day, because she will. She's gonna ride a bike one day. It's like a toddler that's crawling and they're like trying to walk. They're gonna walk one day, just not right now. So just look at look at her.

Look at Catherine as a toddler that's just not walking yet. So you want to hug her, you want to pull her in and just say, baby, I got you. You're gonna ride your bike one day. You're gonna be great at riding your bike one day. You're just not ready yet, but let me know, and I'll keep helping you get ready for that moment when you are. But Lily's riding her bike. It's okay, You're not Lily. You're very special in your own way, and I love that about you, and I love Lily and what she does. But she

see what I mean. You don't want to You don't want to pigeonhole them, because what Catherine is a very special girl that has a lot ahead of her, and she's gonna this is going to be a huge attribute do. So it makes sense. I would imagine it would be

hard for a parent to separate. I'm not saying this is the case at all, but I would imagine it would be difficult for a parent to separate their their selfish ambitions of what they want their children to be versus molding them into into encouraging their spirits to be who they were made to be. Yeah, and to separate that and go, are they genuinely timid and to the point where it's going to be detrimental to their mental health? Or is this just my unmet expectation for what I

wanted my kid to be. That's great, my una expectation of what I think my kids should be. So here we go back into uh, back into the Bible. I would, Laura aud I would hit your knees every night, and when you pray for your girls, say an extra prayer for Catherine and just go God. I I feel like Catherine could could be bigger and more outgoing and braver. Teach me to be the mother that she needs. To encourage her in that way. Teach me to be the mother that encourages in a positive way and not a

negative way. Don't let me be overbearing. Let me be the mother that helps her spirit grow to who she's

supposed to be. And then parenting is hard. Parenting is tough because you got to pay attention, you got to watch, you gotta research, you got to watch Catherine at every step, and you got to know you have to discern when her when her mind is capable of going one more step and you got and she needs to get her knees dirty a little bit, she needs to skin her skin her elbows and wipe off the gravel out of her elbows and get back up, and you encourage her

to do that, or when she actually is hitting a wall and she's going too far and this is actually hurting her mentally in some way. So that's up to you. You got to watch her all the time. But the bottom line is her and Lily are not the same, so you can't parent them the same. You have to parent Lily, and Lily's gonna have her problems too with being the outgoing, not afraid of anything. Go get her. Oh wait till she gets her driver's license. Good luck

with that one. You're gonna be glad you have Catherine. When these two get their driver's license, you'll be like, oh, thank god, Catherine's the safe driver. Right. So you parent them differently, but you got to watch them. You got to study them. And you want to push Catherine. You want her to be brave and experience things, but your expectation's got to come down because you've been you've been preconditioned a little bit with Lily to what the expectation

of bravery is at that age. And so with Catherine, lower your expectations because she's not that. And then she she will be her own person, and then you push her to be the best version of her and Lily the best version of Lily. But it's a good question, it's a valid question. I appreciate you, guys. I think we're out of time. But Old Parker, he's a he's one of my favorite guests. You always give me viral tiktoks on this so appreciate you by Yeah, three in

a row, Thank you very much. Yeah, I'm always amazed at the questions that you get. It's an honor to try to help out however I and we can. Yeah, if you guys have any questions, Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com and we'll see you at episode one oh two. Yegee, thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe

to this channel. Hit that little like button and the notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a question for me that you would like me to answer, email Granger Smith Podcast at gmail dot com. H