Why does God allow suffering?

I'm amen. So we've built this podcast. If you're new, we make it as if we're all sitting around a campfire or sitting in the truck and there's three of us, me and Chad, and you're asking the questions, and we could walk through some of these questions as if we've known each other forever, then as if we're just giving friend advice to each other. If you want to send an email, shoot it over to Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Could be

any subject. As long as I've done this, now, I see the subject matters get wider and wider, and we welcome that. So we're going to dig in Chad and are going to dig in. I love it when Chad's here. You're a Montana boy, Texas replanted, right. And is there a state in between Montana and Texas that you lived Colora, Colorado, Colorado? Yeah, yeah, so you're cover. Some consider North Texas so not Colorado. People they hate that. No, they don't get the Texas

out of here. Yeah. And when we live there, my wife being from Texas and that's where we met. I was in South Texas or the southern part of the hill Country, and when we live there, we reminded them that, look, you get to have fun, and Colorado exists, probably because Texans consider it North Texas and they vacation here. I wouldn't say that to anybody in Colorado and myself, you could say that, I wouldn't say that. I'll say this, there are traffic jams between Denver and the mountains because

of Texans, is true? That is true? Absolutely. I want to I'm gonna start this off with some some easy questions and then I'm gonna start leaving it up to you like we did last time. Read the subjects. You see if you like it. I saw one on here that I thought that here we go. It's it's titled sports like, Oh, that's a great that's a great person, says hey grangdeer. I'm a big fan of your music and your YouTube channel. Thank you, It says, just wondering

if you played any sports growing up. God bless you and your family, sincerely, Michelle, Thank you, Michelle, thanks for listening. Can I guess? Can I guess? Yeah? Do it? You strike me? Not a soccer player? Not a not a soccer player? You probably I'm gonna say baseball. You look like you could be a ballplayer. Yeah, yeah, maybe a football player definitely, but maybe basketball. I don't. You weren't

a wrestler, that's right. Maybe track and field. I dabbled in, if I said enough to maybe cover my base, I dabbled enough, and and all of them as a kid, there's probably a lot of us did except basketball. I was terrible, terrible at basketball. Still am. Yeah, I can't. I cannot shoot a basket or dribble. I was mainly a football player, mainly a football player. It probably goes with the culture of where I was living in North Texas, and it's you know, there was in football there's no tryout.

You just show up and if you if you could take it, if you could take the practices, then you're on the team, which is I think it's really cool about Texas football. I don't even know if that that probably is the same everywhere. But football is a sport that you don't try out for. You just show up, if you could, if you could hang, and if you last what through two a days and you're still there, and if you're still there, welcome to the team. Wow, we could use you. So is it were you offense

or defense or played play defense. I played cornerback, which is probably why you thought you might have thought it was a baseball player because I don't have the size of alignment or a linebacker or running back. But I played cornerback and I loved it. It's an interesting question because I learned so much from junior high and high

school football. We were so serious about football in my high school that our coaches actually didn't let us play anything else, or at least they really looked down on it. They would really look down on you playing another sport that you could possibly get injured in or take away from spring training or they except for track, track was like the one sport they encouraged because that actually helped your agility and your speed. And a lot of those

guys coach track too. But soccer don't even think about it. No, I liked soccer as a little kid, but our football coach is no way they called it. If I could say that on this podcast, that's what they said, something Texans would say. I loved the sport of soccer. I really knew football is it's known everywhere else. How about you? So like you, I I played a lot of stuff as a little little kid. I think, you know, my mom wanted to get me exposed, and I think mostly

just to keep me busy. I was put in camps like throughout the whole summer just so that I was using my energy up. I was. I enjoyed baseball the most, but I was the best at wrestling. I was a wrestler, and and then I in as I started to get older, I was into cross country and track because that was a better sport to facilitate wrestling, to build endurance and to maintain way. And so I was. I was a

good wrestler, but I enjoyed baseball more. Good. Yeah, I could see that gear because I liked the way that my ears like the way God made them, and I didn't want them to change. You didn't want those little bubbles and all. Yeah, the cauliflower here, I man, that was I encourage anyone listening that's maybe thinking about should I get into something? I don't know. I think sports were such a such a big part of my life, and football because that's what I played, but the team

sport aspect about it I learned. To this day, I will do things in my life that I know I learned from high school football, whether that's some kind of mental endurance or some kind of lesson I could get from a loss, you know, like losing crush to me. When I was in high school, I was the kid on the bus going back, just devastated and going over everything I did in my mind and reliving mistakes and

to get better. And my parents could probably tell you they loved it because I would go in early, you know, and I would eat breakfast in the locker room, and I would start studying film, and then I would go through school, and then i'd go to practice after well, then i'd stay late make sure I had everything studied right. I didn't have time to go riff raff around in town because football took a lot of my mental energy. So if my parents ever wondered where I was in

high school, I was in the locker room doing something. Well. You make a good point about the team work, the team sports versus individual sports. I think that's a very different experience because wrestling, I mean, we would train with other people, but it was very internally competitive, like you're competing for that top spot in that weight class, even within your team, and so there is an intensity there

which I'm sure you see in other sports. But the baseball there was much more of a hey, we're in this together. There's a camaraderie in this. Everyone's got to do their job for this to work out, and even more so with football, everyone linemen to cornerback, everyone's got to play their position, every play a certain way for this thing to pan out. And it's pretty cool. And

I tell so, I get a coach little league. Now, I catch I coach my kiddos, and I love it because I can see it now that sports, like a game and a season, is like a microcosm of life. If you go through emotional ups and downs, you face adversity, and one minute everything is awesome, and it can just change so quick, and you've got to emotionally how do you handle those ups and downs? And it's a great training ground, I think for all of us to deal with the ups and downs. And how are we when

when everything's good? Are we a jerk when things are going well? And are we a jerk when they aren't? Do we blame others? Do we we own things that are our mistake and that we need to do better. Do we have a short memory about mistakes and so that we can move forward? Do we sacrifice for our teammates? There's so many cool things. So yes, if you're not in a sport, you should probably go find a sport. I agree. I have to tell a quick story about that.

And I know that this is not what this podcast is, not about football or sports, but but I'll never forget. It was in ninth grade, and ninth grade for me was the end of junior high so that you know, we fed into high school. We went into high school in our sophomore year and there was two rival junior highs and we were both undefeated. And these these two junior highs both fed into our high school, so they were they were about to be our brothers next year,

but not today. And we played the game at our high school field, so you know, it was like a big deal. We didn't play in the little junior high field. We played in the high school stadium first each other last game of the season, both undefeated, and they had this big old quarterback. His name is Sean Staley ended up playing quarterback for TCU. Big, you know, six seven legit dude. He could scramble, he could throw, and so they built up He ended up being our high school quarterback,

which you know is a great friend. But they built this play for me. Our coach has built this play. It was a cornerback blitz and I would come in off the off the tackle and go backside and tack and sack him when he was looking the other way. And we had to call this. This play was if it triggered, if they brought out a certain formation that we knew, or they're going to roll out and I'd come in on the backside. And no one really expects

the cornerback to blitz. That's but the safety would always protect the you know, if there was a tight end, the safety would roll over the top. So it was a trick play basically, So we called it, and I remember my heart was pounding because I knew they came out in this formation. The coaches gave the signal from the sideline. I knew this is it. My heart was pounding, like here we go. I've been practicing. So we got

off the ball and I ended up sacking him. He didn't even see me coming because it was from the backside. So I was just on cloud nine. You know. The crowd was excited, they were cheering, and I said, who is great. There's a ninth grade kid, you know, a pimple faced kid. And it was a big game. Was one of the biggest days of my life at the time. So second half comes out and it's a close game. I don't remember the score, and they come out in that formation again, same call. Coach gives me the signal.

So this this formation only happens if they're tight, if they have a tight end, right obviously, So that's what they did. Here's what I didn't know, and they knew. They knew this, and they talked about it at halftime. So they came out with a trick play on their own,

and they rolled out ten men onto the field. And the eleventh man was the wide receiver hidden on the sideline with the coach just standing there looking like he's talking, looking like he's talking to the coach, but he's also standing next to the ref who was in on it at the time. So they got up to the line and I'm only thinking about, oh, here we go, there's another cornerback blitz. So I line up and just at the right time, that receiver stepped off the sideline into

a wide receiver spot. They snapped the ball. The quarterback knew what I was doing. I'm the only one that didn't know what was going on. And he's wide open. Long bomb just sailed, just a nice little toss, just an easy catch, touchdown. Crowd on their side goes nuts. I just fell. I was just so of course, my coaches, I don't know, I'd have to talk to him. They acted like they saw it, like Granger Smith, come on, man, Smith, keep your head on a swivel. Do you see what

they're doing? And evidently they were. Yet they saw it. Evidently you know, yeah, they're probably my age now, you know, back then, So I then, but then what happens, to my point, what happens you go to the huddle and you gotta go back and play another play, you know, because they it was. It was totally devastating to me, and I learned, and then throughout high school, I always looked. I always looked to my left. I've played on left cornerback side, I always looked to my left, check for

the receiver. Second, I always looked, or I would count when you do eleven, they're all out here. I never let that happen again. So thank you, Michelle. I know there's a long answer, but I'm passionate about that stuff. So Chad, I'm gonna sart. I'm gonna start rolling you with these. We have toughest God question never answered. We have beliefs, food for thought, fifty five years young. We

have a four pastor, Chad. We have please help getting married, cheating brother in law, trouble with girls, my wife and I are thinking about moving. I should probably stop at that point about you. There's like four or five solid you have to answer those. I think I'm kind of leaning towards pastor Chad, since okay, we'll start. You're here, I don't want to skip that one and then we get onto something else, and wish we had, so it says, how do you from Oklahoma? It says, I'm going to

make this as short as possible. Third commandment, shall not take the Lord's name in vain. Giving that commandment, my soul is lost forever. Right, That's what I've been told in the past. Haven't been to church since Marine Corps boot camp in two thousand and seven. I listened to Amber's Arise every Sunday, the Chosen show first time I bench watched it and send it to Amber because I knew she could spread that farther than me. I just feel completely lost as to the times I have cursed

God for so many many things. I don't know what kind of help can be provided, but anything would be helpful. I suppose that comes from Jason. Okay, so you've got a lot there. Yeah, Jason, thank you for your service of serving the Marine Corps. Thank you for listening and caring to email and this compelling your heart to email us in and shout out to Oklahoma. This question is is going to be. It's complex, but it's a lot simpler than you think. It's a lot simpler than you think.

You want to start this, Chad, Yeah, I mean, at first I caught their the third commandment, taking the Lord's name in vain. I caught in their question about does that mean eternal damnation? Like is he sid duck there? Given that commandment, my soul is lost forever. That's what I've been told in the past. And then he goes on to say, I have taken the Lord's name many many times in vain. Yeah. So you can get caught up in the mistakes that you make and the ways

that you failed. But one of the things that we as we read through the New Testament we understand why Christ came and who he is, is that he came not to change the law, but to perfectly fulfill the law. We also learned that the law is there to show us that we need a savior, that we do fall short. And the scripture says all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and that the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal

life in Christ Jesus. So I'm walking through Romans right now, Romans three, Romans six, and in Romans eight. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. James says that no one can claim that they are without sin, so that we're all in the same boat that you describe. We're all in a boat that man. We have done way too much, thought too much that we could ever nationalized before a perfect and holy God that he should let us in. However, that's not where the story ends,

or not left in our brokenness. But Christ Jesus entered the picture so that he could he could transfer his perfect life and fulfillment of the law and take on God's wrath on our behalf. And so even though yes, all of us, no one can claim to be in a place of perfection. No one has done it right perfectly, or thought it right perfectly, or spoken it right perfectly. And so that feeling, that tension that you feel is

a it's actually a good tension. Yeah. Yeah, it's a place of humility and a place that you go, I can't do this, and you're absolutely right, you can't exactly where you need to be. So you've let me just be straight up, Jason. You've been told wrong. You have been told wrong, you have been told that you're there's no turning back from what you've done. Basically, now, what what you're right about it is you're completely lost, you are completely lost. That's the right place you need to be,

because we all essentially are completely lost. If we're not lost, we don't need to be found. There's no point in the story of Jesus Christ, the gospel message, there's no point if we're not lost we need. You can't be saved unless you have a reason to be saved. You don't need a savior unless you need saving. So Jason, you're You're right where you need to be. And the other thing I want to say is you can't take one commandment and act like there's not nine others you know?

Have you not ever lied? Have you not ever stolen anything, not even if it could be, not even physical? Have you always obeyed your parents? Have you loved the Lord your God with all your heart and soul, might and strength? Have you done that? I think you probably have broken them all. I think we've broken we've all broken all of them. I mean even murder. Have you hated your brother? You've committed murder? So we've broken them all. So you can't.

You can't take one. And honestly, shame on anyone that pointed one out to you and said you've done that. I've heard you say this. I've heard you say the Lord's name in vain many times, and you are eternally damned. Brother, you were already eternally damned before you said that. That's why you needed a savior. And that's why Chad is saying in the New Testament, when Jesus Christ comes to the earth and fulfills the law and takes the place of that that sin that we're full of, we're all

wretched sinners. He took the place of that for you so that in return you believe in him and give everything back to him and say, Jesus can't, I can't, I can't do this. I am lost. Take me, let me follow you. And that's the story of the Gospel. Amen. So good word back. That's it we got. Let's do one more in this in this session. I have alcoholic veteran needs help. I have faith in friends, I have What would you do if you're seventeen and your parents

are trying to destroy your relationship? Any of these pop out to you? Do you? You mentioned one that I'm sure other people heard, toughest question, toughest God question. That's intriguing, right it is? Now? I read this before before we started, I skimmed it, and it's a tough one. But let me say that sometimes what I learned through reading y'all's questions is there's a lot of people asking the same question, just putting different words in it. But we're all living

something in here. And then you guys make it specific to your life, but the answers you're probably going to be very similar. That says Hey, Grangeer, I love watching you. Blessings to all. The question that I asked I said here, he says, I send it this email a few days ago. If God watches over all of his children, then why wasn't I watched over? I was subject to all forms of abuse via my foster family for the last seventeen years.

Still to this day, this question has never been answered. Well, before I go any further, DJ, we're about to answer it for your brother, says, yes, I survived. My blood brother couldn't handle it. So there it is, Grangeer, my ultimate question. Thanks for your time in advance. So here's the question, and you're saying it's never been answered, and I love that you've said that, and I love that

you've you've given us the opportunity. But essentially, he's saying, if God watches over all his children, why I wasn't I watched over right? And And that's you know, you could reward it and say, if there is a God, and why is there pain in the world, why didn't he stop it? And if you can't stop it, then he's not God. And if he won't stop it, then he's a mean God. And I don't want any part

of that, right. That's that's the theology of that, I think, or the philosophy of that, thinking where would you start with that? Chaed First of all, I want to say, there's no theological answer is going to remove just the the reality of probably how much pain you experienced and the fact that your brother and and the emotional struggles that you've had through that that's real, yeah, And and that pain is lasting, and that that can that try

can linger and have huge effects. And so I want to recognize that that is very, very real and not try to minimize that where I tend to because there's two parts to it. There's the idea that God sees and does nothing, and so there's this this assumption that he doesn't care. Right, So then people say, well, if this is happening, and then he must not be there

or he must not care. And it's that kind of philosophical problem of evil, right, How can evil exist when there's an all loving, all powerful God, Because if he's all loving, he would want to stop it. If he's all powerful, he could stop it. But yet evil persists. And I don't know if we've I feel like we've touched on that component before, but not directly related to

this kind of abuse. And the reality is such that it isn't as though God prescribes abuse, and it certainly isn't the case that he likes it or turns an eye away from it and doesn't care. That would be to misunderstand who God is and his character. I think that there is also the reality of human sin, and that we live in a fallen and extremely broken world. And so while yes, God does see, he is in a place where he sees all of creation, and he is deeply troubled by the amount of sin and the

effects of sin on this creation. But it's also the case that he's created the conditions where we live in a fallen world. These are the conditions that we humanity have caused. But he is a god that has also

created the conditions for love. And since love only true love can be experienced through choice when I have the ability, like if I am in a relationship with my wife and she is required to be in that relationship and she is coerced into that relationship, that is not love, but the fact that she chooses, and that I choose to sacrifice other things because I want to love her and serve her, then love can happen. But it can't

happen if it's coursed and if there's no alternative. And so we are in a world where the conditions of love exist because there's choice to do so, which also means there's the option and choice to not love, to abuse, to hate, to carry out all kinds of evil. And it's not a situation that God looks down and is indifferent to. And we know that, and we come back to the gospel. He is. God is familiar with abuse and betrayal because He has taken on human form and

identified with every component of it. Absolutely dj these stories, just like yours, are in that book that we're talking about, and a collective read of the Bible I know. And let me just say this, sometimes when when you hear me say read the Bible. You might think you kind of can't really read that thing, right, It's like a big, boring book. You can't. It's not made for reading. It's just made for like pulling out coffee mug phrases here

and there and putting them on the wall. Precious, precious moments, precious moments. And so before that, and I still I still kind of unraveled this in my mind exactly what to say, but what I think it is, it has to it's somewhere in this world. It's you, Dja getting getting in a quiet place on your knees. And Chad and I talked about this before the podcast on another subject, and you saying, God, I've seen you work through other people.

I haven't felt it in my life, to be honest, I don't even know if you're if you're listening, but I want to feel that hunger. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to. I don't want to. Just like I said in the last question, I don't want to take control of my life anymore because I can, I'm not very good at it, and it only leads to suffering. Make me hungry for that save me from this. And then you open up that Bible and you start You could start anywhere, start at John one. It's a

good place to start. And as you start reading it with that kind of reverence, that kind of humility, that kind of introduction to it, you start reading those pages and you go that story actually sounds similar to me. I mean, these guys were persecuted and they suffered, and they went through loss, and they went through terrible things. But God didn't stop it. He delivered them through it. And there's a big difference when you get delivered through the fire. Could he stop it? He could, he could,

But what would you get out of it? What would anyone get if the fire stopped. It's so much more powerful to say he guided me through it, through the flames, as the building was burning, He took me through it, and we made it all the way. He delivered me. And you learn so much more about yourself and about humanity. Because I imagine a world that's in perfect bliss, there's nothing, there's nothing wrong with it. How would you ever see good?

How would good even exist? How would you know what a good day was if you didn't have a bad day, How would you know how beautiful the sunshine is, or how would you know how if it rained every day you would even know that there was a beautiful sunshine, or vice versa. But without that contrast. I heard it put this one time. It was put this way. Evil is evil of the earth. Is like the cancer in the body. But the body exists before the cancer. If you take away the cancer, you still have a body,

and it's a healed body. But if you take away the body, there is no cancer. It doesn't exist. Evil doesn't exist without the goods. You have to have the good. So there's good in your world and there's evil in your world. But as soon as you realize that, and you go reverently to that word and just say, God, take I don't want this anymore. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I can't. I want to take it to you. Give me that hunger and then watch

the power. Watch that super actual power come over you. Some of you are listening on this is this is mumbo, jentlemen.

This is getting weird for me. Okay, it happened to me, It happened to Chad, it happened to a lot of people, and and and there's there's evidence of this throughout history, because there is a power in that word, and he will deliver you through it, and then your story will become your power through it, like your story what you've gone through becomes your testimony, which becomes so powerful to others.

There's somebody else out there, DJ that's going through similar things to you, And if you get in and get into the word and be and are delivered through the flames, then you could turn to that person and go, I can get you. I could help you. I could show you. I'm one beggar telling another beggar where the bread is, and I could tell you where the bread is going to take quick break bear Back decompressed. The podcast today with mister Chad is brought to you by EE Apparel.

I just talked to Parker and he said, make sure you tell everybody that we're restocking leggings. I guess those are really really popular, and they were out of stock for a long time after the last launch. They're back in stock. So I never thought that this apparel company would have popular leggings. That's not really what I thought when we first started selling hats and t shirts. But

evidently leggings are super popular. And ours. Amber had worked a long time to find the exact kind of leggings that girls like, and that the right material they I guess the material last forever. Apparently this is all coming from Amber because she tested so many different kinds before they manufactured the exact kind that she liked. And I guess there's a certain way that they could make these that actually fit right too. I mean maybe like the waist doesn't come up too high or not too low,

and like the ankles or the nice length. Though apparently they're back in stock and they're doing they're really popular, so I want to tell you about that. I also want to tell you that with Father's Day coming up, we just went outside and Parker showed me we have a new Father's Day shirt. It's called Top Dad and it's pretty cool. I was talking to Parker and I was like, this is actually the perfect gift for someone that's looking to buy dad something that's ayee fan and

they don't know what else to get them. Maybe dad has everything. Well, this is an an exclusive shirt to twenty twenty one that's a top Dad shirt that it looks really cool and I think your dad's going to like it. I don't think dads are going to go just buy it on their own. But I think it's the perfect gift for a kid or a teen or a young adult, or a wife or a parent to buy their kid. That's a dad this shirt. So I

want to tell you about that. Also, as always, if you need to get a hold of me, if you want to hear from me personally, then you can go to Cameo dot Com. It's also an app called Cameo c am Eo. It's a great way to connect with me. You could get me to say anything on a video message, and it's a video message specific to you. So it could be a birthday or happy anniversary, or congratulations or I'm sorry you're going through this, whatever it might be.

You have done all different kinds. I could even do a cameo to you if you just want one for yourself. I've seen those two Cameo dot com or the app Cameo search for Granger Smith. I'm easy to find and I'll get you back to the podcast with Chad. All right, Chad digging in here. We have food for thought, belief, we have a please help getting married? How about we do that one? Okay, you do a lot of marriage counseling.

That's one of your mini specialties. If you guys have an email, I always say that if you have a question, email Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. Anything you want to ask, We have Chad Warren. Today's awesome at answering these questions. So this one says I had to grangeur. My name is Bryce, I'm thirty years old. I live in Spring, Texas. I'm a fellow Aggie class of twenty thirteen. Whoop. I wanted to you guys make noises. We make noises. Yeah.

I wanted to start by saying thank you. Your music has been a light for me during some dark times. Thank you buddy so much. That means a lot. It says, I have a question for you. I've been in a relationship with a woman of my dreams for a little over four years. We recently got engaged when I proposed on New Year's on top of enchanted rock. Her family loves me and my family loves her. Do you have any practical advice for us leading up to the wedding

and for when we become newlyweds? Can you help Can you help them with that? Jed uh, Yeah, I have a few things that I tell couples in your exact situation, if I would encourage you to consider pre marital counseling, And that doesn't imply that somehow, you guys, there's you know,

your relationship is broken, but it is. There are a lot of pastors and folks that do that where they help a couple prior to marriage just think through and ask questions that are going to help them process through stuff so that when they they become one and they start sharing life together and in the same house and sharing the same breath, and they're they're just sharing time and everything, they've wrestled through some of those major areas of life where and they have some common ground and

some clarity on what that's going to look like. So I always like to ask couples question like if you're if you were to close your eyes and you know you're you're ninety five years old and your marriage is wildly successful, what does it look like? What what are the who's around you? Who do you see in the

picture at that point? What what are those people experiencing Because your marriage has been so successful and that what that helps you kind of gain an understanding a vision of picture of where this thing could end up and then you work back from there. Okay, if that's where we want to be, and it's helpful for a couple to think, do their pictures line up? Do you see the same thing when you think that many years down

the road and success in marriage has occurred. Because if you don't have the same picture of what this thing looks like when it's successful, that's a great topic to converse, you know, and think through and process through as a couple. But if you do have pretty similar vision for what success in marriage would look like, and then you work your way back to okay, then what can we do every day? If we were to wake up and do one thing that would help us move in that direction,

what would that be? What would it look like for us to every day go okay, if I just do this every day, then that's going to start to help me. And then developing some common ground on the area of kids. Do we want to have kids, how many do we schooling of kids, discipline of kids, working through how are

we going to make decisions? What if one of you gets a job somewhere else and one of you loves your job here, how do you make decisions that are going to affect and so understanding what is your overall Yes, what's that long term vision? Where do you want to head with with this thing? And that's going to help you in those decision times. So those are just a few things. Is there a resource online resource with what you're kind of what you're saying and some of those

those questions, those are all great things. Yeah, I'm sure there are online resources for that. Yeah. These are things that I've just kind of developed as I've worked with couples. And there's a book out there. What's it called. I think it's by it's by John Piper, He's a pastor here in the US, and I think it's called Preparing for Marriage and he has some very helpful things to consider it as a couple. And in the back, actually there's a long list of questions to kind of think

through as a couple as you're preparing for marriage. So I would say that I would say everything Chad said, put your effort there and not on the flowers and the band and the arrangements of the wedding. That stuff. It's cool, but it just goes You'll just fly right by. You know, you're not even going to really even notice it because it's it's just a blink of an eye. And I know it's important to her, and I know

it's important to a lot of people. But focus on what Chad's saying, those relationship building things, those things that really matter. I mean, we're looking at a world that gets divorced, what fifty percent of the time though, or something like that, So I think you could say that fifty of those divorces all had really awesome ceremonies. Yeah, and a lot of really cool flowers. So we have to focus on what matters. The world depends on it

right now. So thank you, Bryce, buddy, thank you for emailing. Let's talk about what do you think trouble with girls work decision. We have a couple of I need some advice. We have alcoholic veteran needs help. In all caps, it's so hard to go through some of these and yeah, imagine one of them that was really important. We'll get to all of them eventually. Guys, work decision, it seems like a topic that's kind of more diverse. Says Hey Granger.

It's Jen from Maryland and I need help. I have a job making thirty dollars an hour, but now I have a county job with benefits. I'm sorry, I'm trying to read this right, but now I have a county job with benefits. Retirement is available for twenty five an hour. The thirty dollars job has me waiting on a clearance. What should I do? I never burn a bridge, and both offer me opportunities. I'm thinking of the long haul,

but I fear of change, so let me. I work through these as you guys hear them, so I don't rewrite these. I apologize for what I'm saying here, but let me read this. I have a job making thirty dollars an hour. Okay, okay, I got it. I got it. I have a job make it thirty dollars an hour. But now a county job with benefits is available for me. So there's job for the current job, and there's job

B the potential available for twenty five. So we're looking at one for less money, but it has retirement available and it has benefits. It's a county job. So she's saying, I don't want to burn a bridge, and I like both opportunities, and I'm thinking about the long haul, but the fear of change is within me. Thank you, Jen. Thanks shout out to Marylyn. Sometimes I look back on these podcasts and I'm like, can you even read Granger?

But I'm to be with you sometimes sometimes, y'all, I just read it the way you sent it to me. You were just in the locker room a lot, but in the library. Oh was it learning how to read very well? Jen? This this question, I think you answered it. I think you say I'm in it for the long haul, so I think you're you're probably wanting to go to it sounds like what is more stable with benefits and a retirement package available for five dollars less an hour.

I'd be curious to know if that five dollars an hour doesn't kind of work itself out in the fact that one has benefits and one doesn't, because I wonder how much you're having to invest in retirement and health insurance and whatever, dental and vision and all kinds of other benefits that come with it. I would have to think there you could do kind of a cost benefit versus you know, And I don't think there's anything wrong with being completely honest with your current boss. You say

you don't want to burn a bridge. I don't think there's anything wrong with you walking in there and just saying, mister boss, I need to tell you something. I love this job and I appreciate the opportunity. I want to tell you about a new offer I got that i'm considering taking. And here it is. I say this in complete respect to you and this job, and I don't want to burn a bridge, but I'm trying to do

what's best for me and my family right now. Maybe you could help me with this or help me to understand, but I appreciate this opportunity. It's just complete vulnerable honesty with your boss. It's not gonna it shouldn't burn a bridge, and if it does, he's not the right boss anyway. Right, Let's just let's be honest. And I would say, follow your gut and take option too. That's from what I could see here. I think that's I think that's where

you're gonna go. That's good cheating brother in law to the first this is hey, Granger and guest, it's kind of disrespectful to you, Chad. I believe well, I am a guest. I am a guest. I'm okay with that. So they'll keep my name confidential. In this topic. But here's the issue I'm struggling with. I have a close friend with my brother in law. I have a close friendship with my brother in law, and sometimes it's too

close for my comfort. He has told me about the times he's cheated on his wife with my wife's sister while I reach out while I'm out on a bachelor party trips, or while he's out of bachelor party trips and out of town. I'm sorry for my reading today. It's getting worse. My brother in law and his wife have had They have two kids together under five. It hurts me deep inside as I find his actions completely unacceptable, and I don't want to I don't want to be

the one to say something. I am on a open with my wife and told her about a recent trip he told me about, and now she is stressing me out on how to handle this as well. We don't want to be the bearer of bad news and cause a train wreck. But it also hurts us to know this kind of information without saying anything, and she finds out more than likely. If she finds out more than likely,

he will know immediately who said something. So I do worry about trying to save my brother in law from hating me or telling my sister in law what I feel she should know. Give it to me campfire style, would you? Jason? I like that campfire style. I mean, Chad, you're you're you're good at this. You're good at this. So I'm glad you're my guest today. I'm serious, I'm serious. I don't exactly know what to say, but I know that you probably do. Can we recap this real quick? Yeah?

So what I've heard is we've the writer here who has submitted the question. He's got a good friendship with his brother in law, and through that friendship, the brother in law has confided in him times that the brother in law has been unfaithful with the wife the brother in law's wife. Okay, so he's cheated on his wife, yeah, and he's confided in our Yes, And it sounds like multiple times, because they said while out on a Bauchler of party trips or out of town, so it sounds

like multiple partners, multiple Okay, So there's yeah. I can't get the sense whether it's just happened in the past and it's no longer a thing, or there's this it sounds like because there's an upcoming trip or a recent trip that there's a potential that this is kind of a thing, this is an ongoing thing, And so the dilemma is save face with this guy, save the friendship, or tell your wife's sister and ruin your relationship with him and cause a bunch of ruffled feathers in the family.

That's the decision. Yeah, I would say there's a couple of things to consider. The the what's of higher value? Is it this friendship that you have with the brother in law? Is that of highest value? Is is it the kind of the veil of a healthy marriage that they seem to have, which they do not have a

healthy marriage? If this is a ongoing thing, and is that something that you want to help facilitate, because right now you are now aware of the dysfunction, and now as you determined to be silent about it, then you are going to help your helping to facilitate the veil of something that seems healthy, but is it incredibly destructive underneath? And so you've got to determine what's the highest priority here. And my encouragement is, as hard as it may be,

confront your brother in law about it. This is camp fire style. Okay, it doesn't mean it's easy, but confront the brother in law about this infidelity and that he comes clean with his wife. And you can even put a timeline, like you need to tell her by such and such time, or I'm going to because if ten twenty thirty years down the road it all comes to light, Because it most likely will, something will happen to where she becomes aware and when she finds out that you've

known all along, imagine that condition. Good point. That is not a situation that you can you can defend. Good point. I love that answer, and I'm supporting it fully. Yeah, I hadn't thought about that, because it will come to light. You're right. We see this play out. Either he'll slip up, or his conscience will make him feel so guilty you

can't stand it anymore, or she'll catch him. And it sounds like it's even having an impact on your marriage because your wife is starting to put pressure on you. His wife wants it to come to light. Yeah, it's her sister. Yeah absolutely, And so as you continue to harbor this darkness and not walk in the light and not be truthful about it, it is going to have

an impact on you. It will affect your marriage, and it's just going to be something that's there in festering and growing and when it comes to light, you're going to be on the hook. Yeah, you have to. You can't defend why you've you've harbored that. I love that, Chad. And and here's say, here's a big factor to this too. And I like how you say put a deadline on it. Well,

here's part of your deadline. There's two kids under the age of five that don't understand this yet, and in three or four or five more years they will fully understand this. So I think you need to look at it is that this is a ticking clock to keep these kids from from understanding right now and not finding out real time when they're you know, my daughter's nine. She fully understands the world at age nine. So I would put I would put a time constraint on protecting

these kids. I mean that these kids are going to be hurt, it's some some way, but we could we could limit that pain on them if we deal with this quickly and not let it happen. Because he got caught and the kids hear about it and they understand or it happens more and more times, or somebody gets pregnant. You know, there's there's a million other little avenues we

could chase here. But I would go back. I would on this podcast, I would go rewind rewind rewind and go back to what Chad said and just do that. That's really good. There's there's too much at stake, and I think I think that all the things that are at stake outweigh maintaining a nice cordial relationship with your brother in law. And man to man, if he holds that against you, that's his problem. But man de man, he should he should value that because you're not You're

not saying the sky is purple here. You're saying something that is That is normal for a friend to say, Hey, buddy, you're going on the wrong path. Turn around, come back, you know, And I'm not going to say it. You're gonna say it to her, right, I'm not going to go tell your sister, my sister in law. You're gonna say it, and I will. I will stand behind you as a friend, but I'm gonna make you walk this direction. I think that's great. Yeah, yeah, anything easy, like what's

my favorite cereal? What is your favorite cereal chain. Well, it's evolved over the years, but I was a Lucky Charms guy back in the day. Yeah, now I'm a little sure. Yeah. Do you have one cheat day or out of a year? Maybe Thanksgiving? Uh not really? You don't eat Mama's pie on Thanksgiving? Well, so we found a really good sugar free pumpkin pie recipe. So and it's it's not for everybody, but yeah, another story for

another time. But going through cancer and having to kind of navigate the nutritional components and kind of yeah, how to recover from the treatment, I realized it's not worth it. So if you had a little bit of sugar right now, it would just send you through the roof. It would probably be bouncing with crazy probably. Yeah, okay, yeah I like that. Man, I love that. Here's the dude that answers questions on the podcast and lives it. You know,

you're gonna tell somebody to do something. Hey, you don't even have sugar. So yeah, but it's so yeah, maybe the what my favorite cereal? That is too complicated? So what is it? Now? I mean, I don't eat cereal? You just don't. I don't. I could There is a new Cereal Amber just bought it. It's called I think it's called Magic Spoon. Hastag not sponsored, but I've been eating it lately and it's really good. There's no sugar. Okay, it's really good. Maybe they should be a sponsor. Maybe

it's it's really good. Yeah, let's we've got time for one more. Let'sknock out one more here, and I'm gonna leave this up to you. Actually, you got your buddy Alex here. We're gonna leave this up to Alex. He's been off camera and an off microphone, but he is working on a future podcast that Chad will be on and Granger is going to be my first I'll be happy to be a guest on it. So Alex is

in the corner. It's actually related to you'd brought up you'd encourage one of our question askers to start reading the Bible. Yeah, and that's what this podcast is gonna be. It's gonna be good. It's gonna be I can't wait. Yeah, So some days you'll come here and then we'll just both drive over to So Alex, I'm gonna leave this up to you. Since you've kind of been in the corner and no one can see you or hear you, but you're gonna shout out what you want. We got

beliefs slash food for thought. We have advice, random question, the trouble with girls. My wife and I are thinking about moving podcast question which is always the tricky when when they say that I need some advice. Alcoholic veteran needs help, faith and friends. There you go. That's enough that decision. That's up to you, buddy. The pressure is on you. I have one more question. The pressure is on you to get the right one. All right. That's

alcoholic veteran needs help. It says, hey Grange Andrew. Here, I'm an army vet twenty eight years old. Here's my question. He actually said, here's my queue. Sounds like an army vet. Here's my cue, and I hope you can help me with because it's been a struggle and now affecting my life. I saw I came back home from the army. I never saw combat, but a lot of bad things happened while in the army, one being a suicide attempt. Now that I'm home, I deal with social anxiety, severe up

and down moods, alcoholism. I try in all caps so hard to quit drinking because I feel like it makes my issues worse and creates new issues. I've tried AA twice, but no luck. I try the love and support of my family. But something's missing. If you have any advice, all caps, please help. I'm all ears. And that is that's a good question, and is a you're not alone.

You're not alone, Andrew. I got a feeling that there's a lot of vets that could hear this and say either they have gone through it, or they know somebody, or they're in it. Right now, Chad and I are going to focus on one piece of your question that says something is missing. Thank you for your service to Andrew.

You're young, and it's guys like you putting forth that kind of sacrifice for your life, sacrificing your time for that that allows me and Chad to sit here on this podcast and exercise our right to free speech because that's ensured by guys like you. So thank you for that. What do you think, Jed Well, I can speak personally from this. My father returned from service in the army

from Vietnam. He was a helicopter door gunman, and he because of the things that he had seen and experienced in that came back a very broken man, and his coping mechanism was substance abuse, alcohol, drugs on both prescription and illegal, and it plagued him and he lost. He lost the fight, It sabotaged his marriage to my mom, and so he was out of the picture and his and the rest of his adult life was in and

out of rehab AA and it eventually took him. And so the stakes are high for you, They're very high. And I hope that you're in a place where you're willing to consider it. Sounds like you've tried a lot of things, you know, AA the love and care of your family. But I think we're all in a situation where we're wrestling with brokenness. And addiction can come in different forms and in ways, and a lot of times we try things to deal with brokenness in our life.

And you've seen things and and so you're coping through substance and it's you're finding that it's causing it to be worse, right, It's it's anytime we try to respond to brokenness from a broken perspective, we're going to create more brokenness. It's going to compound the issue. There is only one one option that I've ever seen effectively dealing with brokenness, and that is when it depends about the when you say something like that, right, yeah, only one thing. Okay, Okay,

everybody's listening. What you got, Chad. It's when we realize we don't have an ability to fix the problem ourselves, and we realize there is an outside source, and it's

not a human source. But when we surrender ourselves entirely and fully and ask the Lord to come in and fix it for us and help us, it's it's the only thing that right now, there's this this desire to try to fix it, to try to numb it, to try to kind of quiet the pain and the memories and whatever else, But then they're always still there when

the effects wear off. It's we had a previous question about abuse and why would God allow that to happen, And so there's they're plagued with the memories of that abuse and that evil. In the same way is whatever you're trying to cope with, it's not working. There's only one thing that I've seen that helps somebody navigate brokenness and come to a place of wholeness and health, and that is Jesus Christ himself asking the Lord to come and take over, and surrendering and just saying I've tried it.

I don't have anything else. Will you please show up? What's my next step? I'll do whatever it takes. I'll try anything that's something, that's it. I don't understand that my own father, I don't think that he ever took that step. I don't know. I didn't know him because he wasn't around in my upbringing, but I know that he never was able to get out of the habits and the cycle of alcoholism. I want to say this

that I have seen not very much. I see so much love from this podcast, but I have seen every once in a while someone says something like stop stop pushing your religion on me. And so I just want to use this as an example, and Chad could look where at the end of the femail says if you have any advice all caps, please help. I'm all ears. So I want to I want to make it clear that I'm not pushing anything on anyone. I'm telling you my honest answer from an honest plea from a man

that's desperate. That's saying, if you have any advice and I don't have any other advice. I don't have I've not seen anything else that would would even come close to helping you. I'm not pushing a religion down your throat. I'm as I said earlier, I'm one beggar telling another beggar where I found bread, what satisfied my hunger that I needed. I don't have any other advice, and so I want to set that up and just say Andrew is saying, please help, and this is the way I

know how. If you don't believe me, or if you don't want that from me, please know that I'm not trying to push it down down your throat or push it on any I'm I'm just not a not a pushy person. But when I'm asked, I'm going to tell you where I have. When I've been broken in my life, and when I've been trampled by the world, when I've been overrun by fleshly desires and worldly ambitions and crushed

under grief and loss, there was only one thing. And I've tried steps, and I've tried books, and I've tried multi step processes, and there was only one thing that delivered me peace and once again we go back to we're not getting delivered from the pain, We're getting delivered through it. And the promise of going through it is peace and hope and love in the midst of all that, So that you're you're all your memories from the army don't just get erased. They don't just you don't just

snap your fingers and you go, oh, they're all gone. Cool. I don't have to think about it anymore. Instead, you get into return a peace and hope and love that is so great that it overshadows those memories. That's the return you get from what Chad is offering here. And so what do you do? You say, what's the call to action? Like? Great this, great Chad, great grangel? Well

what do I do you take after this podcast? And you find a quiet spot and I'm gonna repeat what I said earlier, and you get down on your knees and you go, God, I've never talked to you before, and I don't want to do this anymore. I can't do this anymore. I've tried AA twice. I have a love and supporting family and people say that's supposed to help, but it's not. I've read books, people bring me these books about this stuff and I can't deal with it. I can't do it. God, Chad and Granger said that

you are the only one that could fix it. And then you finish that prayer and you open up that Bible and you start, let's say somewhere, where would you say, start in the New Testament. I'd say either the Gospel of John or the Gospel of Mark. I would go there too. So you open it up to where it says John one or Mark one, and you start right there at the top. You could start in Matthew one.

You could start in any of those gospels and start reading, and you will find yourself in those chapters, in those pages. You'll say, I'm trying to understand this book, and I'm realizing this book understands me, and it's weird and it's

awesome and it's peace for your soul. And once that starts, once that snowball starts right back right back to the spotcast, I don't want to hear from you and and know that I can't convince you of that that's a supernatural thing is And this this podcast has been all about it seems like today but we man, I know Chad does and I have sympathy for you, and Chad could directly relate to you. And no one's saying it's easy and and no one is saying there's a there's a

quick fix. But there is one fix. And I know that you believe me because you've sounds like you've tried a lot of other things. But there's not a book out there, there's not a YouTube class you could take. There is one fix, and it's it has to come from total brokenness. And we should end the podcast with that. Amen. Thank you guys, Thank you Chad lovely brother. See you guys. Thanks for joining me on the Granger Smith Podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me out

by rating these podcasts on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and the notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a question for me that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Ye