And he keeps putting his mother's needs ahead of mine. For example, she taught my two year old son to call her mom and he defended her. Wow. Welcome to the podcast guys. Thank you for being with us. I got one of my best friends and second week in a row to help me answer your questions. Bernie Calcot welcome.
Yeah, thanks thanks for having me back. And last time, I know, guys, I talked a lot on every question about getting off of social media, and I got like tons of emails and people saying, hey, bahbah, you know this is my job and I'm just kidding. Nobody ever use emails me, but I was thinking, hey, you should get off of social media. If you hear what I'm saying in it and it hits you and you have that conviction, if it's your job and is whatever, then
don't listen to me. But I just want to clarify that from last week.
Sept for the Grangersmith podcast.
Yeah, you don't have to be on social media to do that.
Do you know, unless you're like watching it on YouTube that just only watched that.
Oh yeah, for some reason, I don't. For I don't know if I consider YouTube social media.
Maybe it is now that they have YouTube shorts you know. Oh yeah, it's it's it's creeping up there as a social media platform for sure. Yeah, because my kids aren't allowed on social media, and YouTube shorts is part of that, Like you can't be on YouTube. That's part of the thing.
And I know that we need to jump into the questions, but I got a quick question for you, if that's okay.
Yeah.
I heard recently on your another podcast or something maybe with Amber that you guys were going like no screens for your kids.
Yeah, Like.
I use that all the time with my kids. By the way, I'm like grangers kids don't even get screen. You guys, y'all need to be grateful.
Okay. So I uh, I read in a book somewhere where the guy his dad offered him so much amount of money. It's like five hundred bucks. And this was, you know, when he was a kid, his dad offered him five hundred bucks to be off of TV for a year, and he said he hated it. At first, he took it because he wanted the money, and then he hated it, and then he started to love it, and then he looks back and now he's like a lawyer, and he's so grateful that his dad did that. So
I was like, I'm gonna do that. So with inflation at five hundred, probably is around two grand. So I told each of my kids, I'll give you two thousand dollars. Two thousand dollars you don't touch screens for a year, which it was at London's birthday in October. So by next London's birthday next October, if you successfully made it, I'll give you two thousand dollar. Now the idea is the idea is YouTube. Combine it Lincoln in London and we'll go to Disney World. Nice, and we'll use that
four grand and go to Disney World. Yeah, and so they're like really excited and then and it has rules that are attached with It's not like they just can't look at a screen. You would do family movie Night. Yeah, I get to pick the movies occasionally. They could have input. You could have an hour on a Saturday morning to watch a cartoon show if you're with others, can't watch it by yourself, And we'll give you a video game allowance in the week, and it's going to be once
a week. It once again, in a community, you have to be in a community. Can't be by yourself, and you can't just be playing online with somebody. You have to be together in a community playing the game. And then aside from that, loccasions like you're sick, you're home, you got the flu. Okay, you can watch them YouTube or something, but you cannot just randomly pick up a screen and start watching something and you make it. You get two thousand bucks. Now that that is in London,
Like two months later, it's like, I'm out. I'm not gonna I'm not.
Long did she go though?
She went like two months. But I told her you can't get out. You can't, You're already in. I'm not letting you get out. She was like why wait? What I thought this is this is an agreement that you You gave me an opportunity. And I was like, yeah, I change my mind.
It's now it's im I get to do that.
And Lincoln back there like this is typical Lincoln. He was like, hey, daddy, so if she quits but I won't quit, do I get both money? Like I get extra money. It was like, stop it, man, stop it, stay out of this conversation.
That sounds like Boston.
Yeah. So Anyway, that's where we are. I honestly don't know how this experiment's going to turn out. And there have been times when I'm like, what are you doing? Yeah, I'm looking at hairstyles on Pinterest. I'm like, that's a social media and that's a screen. Yeah but dad, I'm just looking out to curl my hair tomorrow. Yeah. No, they didn't count.
Yeah ah yeah.
So that's where we are. Well, it's not it's not pretty, it's not perfect.
Hey, man, I think the message to everybody, including what I'm here in two, is like, you are trying something. You're trying to like push against the norm of culture, and man, I admire that so much. That's gonna look different for everybody out there, but I think the message is, guys,
we should be trying something. It should be counterculture, because if we're just doing what the norm is and conforming to that, it is not going to produce healthy, you know, kids that don't have anxiety and all kinds of issues like you're.
Trying, man.
And I love that Boston would have negotiated at least up to six or seven grand before we even started. He was like, all right, I'll see your two I'll raise you another eight. I'm like that way.
I don't think they listened to this podcast. They did not negotiate the deal, but that would have been funny if they would have been like twenty two hundred. And my goal really is that they I don't just give them cash. Really, my goal is that we go on like some kind of vacation.
Yeah, you know, hey, I love that. The investment though, that you're making in them is far more than the two grand or whatever that it takes to go to Disney World.
That's really well, I'll see. I'll let everybody know how this turns out. What we do here you asked me a question. What we do is we answer your question. The listener. You email me at podcast at grangersmith dot com. Podcast at grangersmith dot com, and we'll walk through these questions. Today it's Bernie and I and the first question comes from Coleman. It says, Hey, Granger, I am a recent college graduate of the University of Georgia and now I'm
working here go dogs. My question slash situation is this. I am working an office job. The advantage is it is a stable job, but I find myself not enjoying it. I think about it because it's generally a boring job. I have a girlfriend up here and live in an apartment with four roommates. My goal right now is to save money put towards a house in the future. My question is this, how long do you think I should stay in a job that I don't hate but I
also don't enjoy? Thanks and come to Athens someday. Hey, great question to kick the show off with Coleman. Man. You've got a great guest today for this question, Bernie. Bernie's gonna be all over this. Let me recap it for my own brain. You're in a job. You're young. I don't know how old you are, but you're pretty. You're working in an office job. It's stable. You don't enjoy it,
but you also don't hate it. It's just boring. You have a girlfriend, you got four roommates, and you're wanting to think about your future, maybe save up some money, maybe for a house. So then your question is how long? How long do I live in this season with this job that I don't enjoy? And I'm excited. Actually, I'm going to kick it to you, Burns, because I love the way you think through scenarios like this.
I appreciate you setting the bar so high for me. Sorry, listen, there's just a regular dude over here. But I think that I would answer this question honestly two different ways if there would have been any mention of belief in God and his plan for me. But there's not, and so I just think I would answer it two different
ways if there was. If there is not, I think that the and we've answered, you know, similar questions before where we kind of get set on these ideas of our lives and really we've watched too much social media, we've watched too much TV. We think that we're all going to be country music stars, and the reality is is you're not like that thing that media has taught you that you're going to be. And if you just work harder, you just get that break or whatever, you're.
Going to be rich.
And it's just not true, guys, it's not true. So what you need to recognize is you have skills, and you have opportunities in front of you. Use those skills to be the absolute best at the opportunities you have in front of you, the absolute best, pursue it everything with excellence, and I believe that does open other doors to you. You will know for sure when you have just hit a ceiling at the place that you're at.
You will get a sense like, man, I am overqualified for what I am doing right now, and you will have already probably started looking on LinkedIn or wherever people look these days for jobs to find something like, man, this is the skill I have. There's this opportunity. I'm going to try to go for it. I just think
if you if you're okay. So this is a quote from Francis Chand that I just heard, and what he said is our greatest fear should not be failure, but being successful at the wrong things, things that don't matter. So those things that you're wanting to do or have a house, which isn't a bad thing, but you need to sit in consider like what is important to me? What matters with my life? And once you have a clear picture of that, you just get rid of everything
else and you give everything to pursuing that. And the steps to get there may not look pretty, but I believe that you'll have affirmation along the way, like Okay, I'm on the path, I'm in where I need to be, So I do there's a.
Book you recommended last episode that you talked about a little bit about working passionately. What was that again?
So good they can't ignore you? By Cal Newport. It's basically in the title, like you're going to become You're going to work at this like a craftsman hones his craft. You're going to get so good that your potential customers or your boss they can't ignore, like how talented you really are. But you're not going to do that if you're just going on this passion of like I want to get a house and I want to do this, and I want to make money. Like making money is
just not gonna do it. You have to like create and refine those skills.
That's good man, and I would challenge you, Coleman. I would challenge you to finish this season strong and and extend this season because this is going to look really good on a resume. One day, it doesn't look good if it's like seven months out, seven months in another one, and then three months in this one. It looks good. If it's like, oh, I see here, you worked six years for this company. Why did you leave this company? You go, yeah, I you know, I worked really hard
in that company. I didn't totally enjoy it. I had passions in other places, but I wanted to I wanted to do do the job with excellence for as long as I could until a new job came around. I think there's something to say for that. So let this season extend out a little bit. And also remembered that this is a new thing in America where we now say I don't think I love my job. Anython want
to change jobs. It's a new thing in America. If you think about our fathers, and definitely our grandfathers, they just worked a job. It was a job. That's the only thing they did. You think about the old sitcoms from the seventies, those guys working factories in Indiana and their dad worked the same factory and they've packed their lunch every day. Do you think they loved it or you think they were passionate about the factory, or that
they quote enjoyed it. No, but it was a job, and it paid the bills, and it provided stability, which you say your job does, and it helped with the bank loan of the house for the family to raise the kids, and it you know, that's just what you did back then and then we've created this world now where we go. I gotta love it, you know, otherwise I just don't want to get out of bed because I still love it. Andy Coleman, I'm not not saying that's you. I'm just that's us.
Yeah, what do you think it was that? Because you're absolutely right. What do you think brought us here?
I feel like we've had the same discussion on this podcast, And like your dad was a police officer.
Thirty five years, same thing.
I mean, he just did it. He just showed up and just did it. My dad only had one job at the same company. I don't he never changed jobs as long as I knew my dad, Your dad didn't either. And I bet you most people listening their dads did not change jobs, but just didn't. But but your friends have probably changed jobs a thousand times.
Yeah, do you think it's the whole social media? Well, social media, but also hard times produce strong men. Strong men produce good times.
Good times. Good good times produce.
Weak weak men hard times, and so we're in that, you know, we're riding the coattails of our forefathers that created these good times, and we have so many options. Yeah, A lot of times those guys they didn't have options, and we just feel like we, oh man, there's all kinds of work out there. We just we just switch, you know whatever.
Switch wives, switch jobs, switch trucks. Just go get it and take it and trade it in, trade in your truck at the dealerships.
This is good, man, because what it's getting down to is a heart of discontentment. We have been conditioned. And maybe it is the exposure to all the options instead of like just learning to be content because this is what you got in front of you be content with it.
I don't know, dude, I get it, man, And uh yeah, this has taking a huge spin for this one simple question from Coleman and Coleman, I hope, I hope you're listening, and I hope that you really dwell on this and kind of dig to where this feeling's coming from. I could attest in my time in country music, you know, man, what a what a privilege and a blessing to be able to work as a country singer. And I didn't think that all the time. Probably most of the time,
I didn't. I remember clearly recently this earlier this year, we went to Idaho and Lincoln and I Lincoln was on tour with me. We played a concert in Idaho and Lincoln was on tour and we went trout fishing with this guide and we're going out and I was riding out to this to the river with this guy, super cool dude, you know, trout fishing guide in Idaho. And he was like, man, I just live and breathe this. And I was like, I was like, so, what's your job?
And he's like, well, this I take out during the summer and fall and spring. I take out trout fishing guys for trout fishing. And in the winter it's all elk and mule deer. And I was like, what else that's your job? Like, you literally get to take you get to fish and hunt and camp. That's your job in the mountains of Idaho.
Yeah, and then I have to go shot up, you idiot.
You're country singer. Yeah, you travel around singing country music. What are you talking about on your tour? And your little tour bus is not good enough for you? You know? And I have to slap myself that that spirit of discontentment it gets even you might think it's hitting you Coleman, and your your your office job. I guarantee you it hits you on a country music stage as well.
Yeah, everybody everywhere. I think that that. Uh. I can't say. I wasn't alive one hundred years ago, but it seems like with the development of media and how readily available information about what is happening in so many different parts of the world is now it it just makes made us more aware.
Oh wow, sure he's.
Doing this and I'm not doing that. And it's not just like one guy on your trip. It's like, oh, I'll scroll through social media for five minutes and man, there's one hundred people doing something I want to do. And before I was just working out on the farm, happy as a clam. Yeah. Now it's like, well wait, you know, so there's I don't know how you know, practically, you know, we encourage people to combat that spirit of you know, discontentment, but man, it is prevalent.
Hey, awareness comes first, just being aware that it exists, ye spirit of discontentment. Being aware of that spirit.
Is a great first step.
If you're looking for a last minute gift for somebody that seems to have everything, or you just can't think of anything that you could possibly get them, well, how about a cameo for me. I could shoot him a video saying exactly what you need me to say, with the bullet points that you want me to follow, and you just say, Hey, Granger, my friend Mark or my my husband or my wife or my girlfriend or my son is a fan of you or the Smiths or your podcast or your book like a River, or your
music or Earl Dabbles Junior. Can you shoot them a message and just tell them Merry Christmas and I'll customize it and make it just for them however you need me to do it. It's super easy. I do it on my phone and then I'll I send you that message and then you give it to them whoever you want to give the gift to, whenever you want to do it, maybe Christmas morning. You could do this by
going to cameo dot com slash Granger Smith. Or you could download the cameo app and search for me Granger Smith again, that's cameo dot com, c am eo dot com slash Granger Smith. And then, speaking of Christmas presence or our Birthday presence or pick me up presence, have you been to eee dot com lately and checked out some eee apparel. You know, December fifteenth is the last date that you could order that we can guarantee it's
going to arrive to you before Christmas. So again, December fifteenth, that's the cutoff date and you might get it if you order after, and you usually do, but we can guarantee before or on December fifteenth. You order something from yeee dot com, it's gonna get to your husband or your girlfriend, or your wife or your son, whoever you want to get that new hat or shirt or hoodie, your jacket, or maybe some eee jerky for the stockings.
Ye is a family run business owned by me and my brother Tyler, and then Parker is our CEO, and then Amber runs the women line. So it's a it's a Smith endeavor to the fullest for sure. Again, go to yee ye dot com and check out what's new. Hey Grainger, my name is Jake. I'm from Greenville, Ohio. I really appreciate your podcast. I wanted to ask you what should we do with regret? I know we all sin, and I know God is abundantly gracious to his children,
but how do how should we deal with regret? As Christians? Especially over big mistakes and sins. I love your kind thoughts and biblical insight on your podcast. Thank you for what you do. God blushed, Brother Jake Man, great question, m HM and Greenville, Ohio. He's asking, I'm always got to recap from own brain, what should we what should we do with regret? I know we all sin and and God is abundantly gracious to his children, but how
should we deal with regret, especially over big mistakes? Okay, this is great And something one thing about this podcast with Bernie and I is that possibly we could be probably more thorough and more precise if we actually knew these questions were and prepared and had some research and some Bible verses ready to go. But we don't. And I think part of the intrigue of the part of the reason I like doing this is because this is more like you're literally asking me on the phone, and
I need to answer right now. I'm not gonna say, hey, let me get back to you, Jake and look some stuff up. I'm just going to answer on the fly. And so that's what we're gonna do. Because this question, I could research it for a few hours and just really give you everything you need to know. But here's the thing. When we are believers, and I know you are because you signed off by saying solely Day Gloria.
And when you are a believer, meaning when you're a Christian, meaning you believe the gospel, meaning you believe that Jesus Christ came, died on the cross for sins of his people as a substitute, becoming the sacrificial lamb, becoming the ultimate sacrifice to satisfy the wrath of God and reconcile God's people to himself. Basically, God demands from us, because God's perfect, God, is holy, He's a holy, just God, because he demands from us a righteousness that we cannot give.
He gives to us the righteousness that he demands from us as a gift, and with it brings us to himself. That's the gospel. And with that, as he does that on the cross, he covers our sin and he makes our sin remembered no more. And we should in two things to that. Well, So where does that leave us if we're if we're a Christian and we're covered in our sin is remembered no more and we are given to us the righteousness that we could not produce ourselves.
If that's us, what do we do with all these old feelings, like, but I'm messed up when I was younger, are a couple of years ago, I still got some stuff that's kind of lingering. What do I do with that? Two things? I think One, understand that you're covered, you're forgiven, that God sees you as Christ, he sees Christ who is in you, and you're covered, you're made new. And then two, I think we use that to fuel us
a little bit. I think it's there, that regret is there a little bit, so that we go man, that that hurt, and I don't want to go back there again. I'm covered, I'm forgiven. I don't have to worry about that coming up in my past and haunting me so that I don't make it to heaven or something weird like that. But I also realize it's still there because we're still in the fallen world and sin has consequences, and those consequences could still be lingering, which perpetuates the regret.
And so that kind of lingers, partly so that we go I don't want to do that again. I want to get as far from that. And that's what repentance is turning from that. I want to get as far from that as I can, because I'm a new creation. What do you got on this.
Pernch Yeah, man, that's all really good. That's really good. I don't have a whole lot to add except maybe just kind of going back to the the the exercise of the mind, because what I have struggled with whenever I mess up, or whenever I make a mistake or whatever, you know, like he's talking about, is this tendency to listen to myself instead of talking to myself. So whenever I talk to myself, I say everything that you just said, Jesus is the high priest, who is ever interceding for
me before the Father? Like these sins are as far from the east as the west. Like that's not who I am. I am covered. When I listen to myself, the tone is different and the words are different. There their accusations and they're well, man, you did this again, you can't stop doing it. Well, if you really believed in Jesus, you really had faith, there's this different tone whenever I am listening to myself instead of talking to myself. I think that this practice of preaching to ourselves needs
to be a mental habit. And again, like, I'm not licensed in anything, and I'm not in semina. I'm just a dude like the rest of not the rest of y'all. There's probably some really smart people out there, but I'm just a regular guy. So I'm thinking through this as my own struggle with the same question. Here's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to spend time in God's
word and the truth. I'm gonna hide it, I'm gonna let it dwell in me ritually, and then I'm gonna try all day every day to preach that to myself because inevitably there will be these attacks that I will launch on myself to start listening to those lies. And that's really the difference, is listening to the truth or listening to their lies.
Yeah, it's so good, that's great. I would meditate in the psalms, particularly for you, Psalm fifty one. Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love, according to your abundant mercy, blot out my transgressions, Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgression, my sin is ever before me against you, and you only have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment.
I was brought forth in iniquity and in sended. My mother conceived me. Behold you delight in truth and inward being, and you teach me wisdom and the secret heart. Purge me with hissop, and I shall be clean, wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness. Let the bones that you have broken rejoice. Hide your face from my sins and blot out my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me, and on and on and on.
I wouldn't meditate and stuff like that, and just jump into the psalms and just hear David saying the same thing you're saying, how do I deal with this regret? And you go through the word of God by going to the cross and remembering what has been done for me, Drew says. In the next question, here, Drew says, is someone trying to get their mental health right? During the Winter Blues quote, I told myself, I'm gonna start hitting the gym. What are some workout routines that you do
to stay consistent in them? By the way, from the bottom of them of my heart, thank you, Thank you for everything you do. You're truly you have truly shown me the type of man I strive to be. You're making a difference in a lot more lives than you think. God is using you ps come to Northwest Indiana about by a Valparaiso. I love y'all, Drew.
Does that get old? Man?
No? No, But when I hear that, I just think, oh, dude, I'm I'm so far from your hero, you know, I am when you When I hear things like you have shown me the type of man I strive to be, I just think, man, you got I have so far to go.
But I think I think the point is is it in them seeing the fruit of your life and then hearing you in humility say that that's the model man. That's what they're saying. They're like, man, I hope that I have fruit in my life like that, But I can also still be on a path of humility that says, man, I am. I am still a sinner and I'm still in need of God's love and his grace, And so I meant the part about like come to Wyoming or come to Ohio, come to wherever. Ain't nobody asking me to go anywhere?
Man?
People in separate emails, they they keep asking you come here.
You have been on the road with me.
My wife is like, hey, come home. You know that's what I get.
You've been on the road with me, and you've seen people start collecting around you to just talk. Like Burnie from the podcast, we still need to do a podcast tour. We have to just do it, you know, have to figure that out. Okay, Sorry, I love the rest question. The question is great because and I think we've been asked this before, but it's great because we have very different answers. I love this. I think the question is what are some workout routines that you do and how
do you stay consistent in them? Oh?
Yeah, man, So he's got winter, like he's experienced winter. So this is like a north This is not South central Texas.
He's at Valpo, which gets pretty cold and overcast like I did when we lived in Nashville. Yep. So my answer is very different than Burns. And my answer has stayed the same for man. I used to say six years, seven years, but now it has to have been more than that since I've been doing this, maybe ten I mean it's yeah, probably since about twenty thirteen, twenty fourteen. So what happened was, I'll try say this quickly. Amber and I used to do you remember P ninety x
back in the day. So Amber and I, like when we first got married, we used to do P. Nine that comes off this Beach Body app. You download the Beach Body app. By the way, absolutely no sponsoring at all going on in this situation. I'm just going to tell you tell it the way it is. We used to go to Beach Body app and we'd watch P nin e X. Well, one day I saw on that app there's other there's a lot of other things on there,
and one of them is called body Beast. It's by this guy named Segie, and I was like, I'll check that out. So it's it's this. It's a strength training using weights, using heavyweights exercise, and it's focusing on specific muscle groups. So like chest is one workout, back is one, shoulders is one, cardio is one legs is one, core is one. Arms as one. So it's all divided and there's like ten ten of these little videos and I
tried it and I actually really started liking it. This guy Sagi, And so what I did is I downloaded it on my phone and I found that it helped me go to especially on the road. Like I'm say, I'm in a hotel, I could just press play and Segi there is Segie and he's like, here we go and we're doing this workout. And it forced me not to just peddle around or go what am I going to do today, or like what kind of work out I'm going to do? Fast forward. I'm still doing it
like a decade later. I did it this morning, and so like here's I go to my phone and I just hit this, guys.
This is bulk back. If you want huge back lead, let's get it guys.
So then starts this warm up. Right there's my buddy Chris right there and my buddy Brian.
If you have limited a quiz.
So these three guys, like I've listened to them for like ten years, and so I usually do like Chest on Mondays, back on Tuesdays, Cardio on Wednesdays, shoulders on Thursdays, arms on Fridays legs on the weekend like I have it. I've been doing that forever. Yeah, that is my way to answer your question. How do I stay consistent? I just I go all right, some days I'm tired, I don't want to. I just hit play and here's Sigi and he's like, let's do this.
We bump. Yeah that's good man.
And I still get sore, which is important too.
Yeah, all right, okay, So I'll go quick shout out to my buddy Andy at at swift Fit at X. I've worked out and trained with him for a long time. One of the things, and I've learned a lot from him just about the body, about how things work.
And so.
One thing that he told me me a while back that I really believe is just the body wants to be fooled, so, you know, changing up. So for me, I'm I'm gonna do like yoga or like a bickroom yoga or like a sauna on a Monday, something that's you know, just totally different than the next day when I'm gonna do like a hill and outside, like he'll repeat workout, I'm gonna go mountain biking. I'm gonna do
some strength training with Andy in the gym. I'm gonna, as we've talked about before, I'm gonna go on some trail runs for like two or three hours. I know, if you're like in a place where it's snow and you know, unless you want to be like Rocky, maybe that's not a you know, it's not an option. But so I would just say for me, I think Granger has a good point having a plan. I try to
set that at the beginning of the week. I don't have Sigiz as name, I don't have him, but I think having a plan so that you don't have to wake up that morning and be like, Okay, what am I going to do? Because you're not going to do it.
You're in trouble.
Trouble, yeah, But I just I try to have some accountability to it, meet some guys for some things, and just try to like fool my body and surprise my body a little bit. Because yesterday, instead of instead of doing a he'll repeat workout, Andy and I went to a track and we did a track workout, and I guarantee you that shocked my body because I haven't run, you know, for two hundreds in a long time. Like you know, kind of sprinting after you know, all of
our warm ups and everything. So I know that you're probably looking for something or like what Granger is talking about, because a lot of that is inside. But I think a lot of fun is just trying new things and getting into different things that will push your body. And also, I guess the most important thing, what's your goal, like understanding your.
Goals fighting mental health?
Okay, so for fighting mental health, but I'm I think that that could be physical activity is one of the things he's using to fight mental health. But as far as like your physical goals, like is there any that you have you want to run a race or you just want to get you know, bigger, you want to get stronger, like what I think that could dictate maybe what you get into.
But yeah, that great point. And as as I promised you, two completely different answers, same same result in staying consistent. Like Bernie as long as I've known, I've known him a long time, last everyone years, You've been really consistent with that the many years. And so can I ask you a personal question though you don't have to answer this, how much is Andy.
Like per hour?
Yeah, you don't have to answer but maybe ballpark.
It's it's not cheap for somebody like that. You're gonna pay between I don't know, seventy five and one fifty an hour, okay, just depending on where you are, what level of certifications they have. You can also getting group sessions, which I'll do with Andy sometimes and it's awesome because there's this one girl, Jess that I jump into a group session with. Yeah, and the rate's lower, but she is a beast and she will push me, and Andy's
training both of us. So you could also find if finance was a thing, you could find somebody that could do a group session.
So find your flaw, Drew. If your flaw is, man, I'm just granger. I'm sorry. I'm not gonna hit play on Sigi Like, I'm just not gonna do that, then I go, okay, go to the gym and find an Andy. Every gym has one, yep, every single gym has one, and go tell them that, hey, I'm want to get rid of these winter blues. I'm gonna get going. And they're like, okay, I've got a spot on at seven
thirty on the weekdays, can you do that? And you're like, yeah, I guess like, here we go and get ready and you're gonna show up at seven thirty and if it's you know, if it's seven thirty five, he's probably texting you like, hey, bro, you on your way, and that kind of motivation. Maybe maybe, Drew, maybe you need that. And that's a cool thing I went through during the
during like the twenty twenty season. I remember I did that with Tyler and Parker and I still work out with those guys on Mondays and so having that accountability. But we were going to the gym with another trainer and he was thankfully he wasn't charging us. He just that was his workout time. But man, it's a lot of accountability when you have someone waiting for you to get there. So, yeah, there you go, Drew. That's a
lot of options for you. But I'm happy. I think I think you're right in thinking that it's really good to get out in sweat.
Is it Rocky for Is that the one where he's in Russia? Yeah, all right, we go watch that too. That'd be some kid motivation. Just get out in the snow. Man, he's like carrying logs on his you know, shoulders through the snow.
Yeah, that's really good.
I have a tiger.
Is that? The one? Yeah? Nice question comes from Dolly, who I love that name, says, hey there, thank you so much for sharing your story and spreading the God. Y'all are amazing. I've been married for five years now, and he keeps putting his mother's needs ahead of mine. For example, she taught my two year old son to call her mom, and he defended her. Wow. She used to barge into our home when she felt like it without a call or a text, and he would defend her.
She is extremely controlling, manipulative, and possessive. All right, Dolly, thank you so much. I would hang on a second. It keeps going. There's another page to this. Her twenty six year old son and thirty eight year old daughter live at home and don't have anything going for them. I kindly and politely set some hard boundaries, but my husband just doesn't get it. He expects me to give up my peace and privacy for her, and I cannot. There are hundreds more examples and I could provide, but
I think you get the point. We've tried counseling and married ministry at church, and everyone tells him the same thing. He agrees to the face, but he doesn't change. I'm getting exhausted, and we also have a four and two year old boys. We are also new Christians, and I feel like I'm doing all the things wrong, but I don't know what else to do myself. I cannot allow myself nor my children to suffer at her hand or her twisted ways. Thank you, Dolly, Okay, Dolly, thanks for
the question. That's crazy just hearing her teaching your son to could call her mom.
Yeah, that's a hard stop for me.
Man, Like, no way. Yeah, we see these kind of emails a lot, but that's that's an extent.
That's different. Yeah, that's different. And we were just saying on one of the earlier breaks, like we don't really know like the extent of these situations. We can say, you know, oh grace and like consider yourself and whatever, but it's like you may be in the middle of like a very crazy, toxic situation.
Yeah, and we just can't.
We always don't really know this. Uh. The the discouraging, the most discouraging part about this is that they have been to people at the church, they've been through counseling, they've and he's heard the unhealthy nature of this, and he still will say yes to their face and then refuse to change. Yeah. Uh, that's a tough spot, Dolly, I'm sorry. I guess that's yeah.
There's a there's a couple of things. I hate. I hate to even say this, but I think I should because we need to uncover every rock here, turn over every rock. I think there's a good chance you're in you're in a not so healthy church. I think it's a pretty good I could say that, whether or not I know you or not, I know your story or not.
I think there's a good chance, especially as a new Christian, that you ended up at a a very secret, sensitive church that is more interested in reaching the lost and less interested about shepherding the current flock that they have. See that a lot as I travel, I see it
a lot. And so when you say you did this married ministry at church, I kind of see it's like a here, here's some information, uncle, do it instead of let's walk it together, how's it going, Let me text you, let's have coffee, let's talk.
Yeah, that's a great question that she doesn't say, like does your husband have like elders in the church or or godly men, wise counsel in his life that he is accountable to and meeting with regularly, that will speak truth and he will receive it from them. Yes, Okay, let's say that she answers that she says he does not. What do you say then, because.
Yeah, because of what I think, what I think she's talking about with the church is typically it's like, hey, on the on the fifteenth of next month, we're doing a married session, So all you married couples, come on.
We're going to come in at seven pm at the sanctuary and we're all going to get in there and get motivated and bringing in a guest speaker and they're going to talk and him and his wife are going to discuss and then you go out and you live your life as opposed to like a one on one like you're saying, which is discipleships called it's literally called discipleship. And so I want to see that. I think I don't think you have that, And that's none of this
is an accusation. I'm just trying to, like I said, uncover every rock here. So to your question, Burns, if if she comes back and says he doesn't have anybody or he just has the guys at his work. I want you to know that all of this is on him. The mother in law thing, I'm not worried about her. This the psycho thing she's doing to your son. Do not concern me. That secondary next to the husband that
is defending her. He has to stop. The mother in law will not stop unless the husband steps in and goes Hang on a second, this is my wife, this is my family. Mom. I love you to death boundaries, but that's going too far here, And so what do we do? I want to answer your question, what do we do if she says he doesn't have anybody speaking in, he doesn't have coffee with anybody, Because what you don't
want to do is say you need some friends. Yeah you need to start having coffee with some Christian men, like don't don't do that.
Yeah, he's gonna run for the hills.
He's run for the hills. So how do.
We m I mean, I think that byen nature, I will hang out with some of my and build relationship with other guy friends that are husband's to my wife's friends, just because what's her name, Dolly? Dolly, Dolly's like, hey, Julie and her husband are coming over. We're gonna have some burgers and hang out. And then you just meet Mike for the first time, and you know, you're like, oh,
Mike's kind of cool. But then you and Julie, you really see her as someone that is a godly woman, and she's told you about Mike and like he's a strong believer, and you're like, he could be a good influence.
And maybe you just start hanging out with people that you feel like could be an influence and see if those you can't force it, but maybe you see if those relationships kind of click on things that are not related to marriage advice or you know, counsel or anything like that, like, oh, hey, Mike's a huge Cowboys fan, so are you? Like, And then all of a sudden, there's like some kind of trust that starts to he's
gonna have have to like trust somebody. He's gonna have to trust somebody to speak into his life, yea other than his mother.
Yeah.
So it sounds like.
I'm thinking of more things for Dolly not to do. And another thing not to do Dolly is don't go to another man and tell him the problems that you're having with your husband. As if he's going to be able to speak to your husband. Yeah, that's a dangerous place to go.
Battle tale kind of thing.
There's all kinds of bad things that couldn't come out of that. So the other thing is usually with a question like this, after two hundred and eighteen podcast, I will go to grace and I'll say I want to make sure, Dolly that you are having grace for your husband, that you are not turning into this jaded recluse that's like protecting your kids and you're creating a separation. I want to make sure that it's that's not happening, because
that's gonna make everything worse. I understand protecting your children from her twisted way, as you said, but at the same time, I want you to be still open with your husband in a way that's like, Hey, we're a team, we're gonna do this together. Are you having date nights? That's a good one, right, Like, Hey, I got ass reservations at your favorite restaurant. Not your favorite restaurant, Dolly, but his serve him in a healthy way. Don't take
that the wrong way, in a healthy way. Like I've made reservations at so and so restaurant on Friday night and we're gonna go out. And then during that conversation, it's not nagging on him, it's not telling him his mom's horrible and twisted and she's ruining the kids and can you believe she did the It's more like, I want to talk about raising our kids in the best
way possible. Let's kick around some things that are helpful right now in our life, and let's kick around some things that aren't so helpful, and let him join that conversation where he feels like he's helping fix some things, not you, And you're not accusing, You're just like, what are some things totally hypothetical? Dolly? What are some things
right now that's giving our kids anxiety? And you start naming everything but the mother in law and let him go, yeah, mom, you know, mom's kind of been doing some weird stuff. And then you could be like, like, what, let him lead it, let him create, let him see the problem, and then start to try to fix it himself. It's like a psychological trick here.
That's no. I think that that's good. I would I would also say that date night probably needs to come after a date night that doesn't talk about any of that.
That's good.
If you don't have the foundation, Like I'm just if your marriage is not at a place where you guys can openly be vulnerable and discuss things, you need to build that trust. So that means get away from the kids and his mom and everything and just go connect with your husband and just start to ask other questions about him. Hey, what's going on with you? No, we haven't been able to do this in a while, Like.
Yeah, yeah, And what you didn't mean, You didn't mean what's going on with you? You meant like, tell me, tell me what's going on at work? Yeah, that's what you mean.
Yeah, yeah, and the things that you guys both love, like talk about those things, and hey, you want to go on a trip, Well, where will we go if we go on a trip, like start to just really you initiate building that foundation. If it's not there. If it is there, that's the date that the granger just said, that's the date that you need to have and start to just ask those questions, not in a condescending way, but in a way that's very genuine and authentic.
It's gonna be tough. You have to swallow a lot of pride, Dolly.
To do this, and it probably won't be I mean against speculating, but it probably won't be the way you think it's like, it won't go down the way you think it's gonna go down. It's not gonna be one moment where he's like, you know what, we gotta cut my mom out. It's probably not gonna happen like that, but there could be like a slow transition to some healthy boundaries. And it sounds like that's what you're after, So.
Yeah, that's great. I think the last thing I could possibly add to this, Dolly, is to make sure you are also getting poured into We're talking a lot about him and his discipleship and men pouring into his life and church and things that help him, ministries and counseling that help him. Make sure you also have a lot of people, or at least some good biblical women that are pouring into you, not men. And this should come
through a healthy church. If you have a women's small group or a you're working through a book of the Bible. Amber right now is working through the Book of Job with like eight or nine women and all there's like four or five churches represented there. So it doesn't have to be your church. It could be different churches. Just that people in your neighborhood, like people that live around you. Make sure you're make sure you are getting poured into.
That is huge. Make sure you have a good, healthy, quiet time with God for yourself as a new Christian, reading your Bible as an old Christian as well, making time every day at some point of the day, whereas it's you and your Bible and the simple prayer of God. Reveal yourself to me today. Reveal yourself in your word. Read Psalm one nineteen and see how the Psalmist is in love with the Word of God, and pray that you could think and want and desire the Word like that.
So make sure that's part of the day you're getting poured into. These are You can't neglect yourself. You've got to keep the oxygen mask on yourself. When you're trying to fix your husband and your your kids and your twisted mother in law and all that stuff. Make sure you got yourself taken care of as well. That's good, dude. I think we've we've we've run down a lot of stuff today. I actually could we could hit one more real quickly from Maddie. Hey, my name is Mattie. I'm
twenty six. I have a degree in business, and right now I'm working for a construction equipment rental company called sun Belt Rentals. I've heard of them, and part of me doesn't know if I want to stay forever. My dream job is to be a manager of an artist, specifically a country music artist, but I have no idea how to even start that. Help me. Thank you. I love how God is using you.
Okay, you're lucky day, Maddie. I've actually been thinking about launching a country music career and I'm looking for a manager.
So now you know where to start, Maddie, start with Bernie.
I wish that was true, Mattie, I really do, But for me, it's not.
Love the dreams. I love the good construction equipment rental company that you're working for. You're not gonna You're not going to bypass that. Getting into country music management is extremely difficult, extremely difficult. But I'll answer your question quickly. You say, how do I start? You start by meeting people in that industry. And so that industry is going to be The majority is in Nashville, there is some
in New York, in Austin and LA. As far as country music, the majority of country music managers are going to be in Nashville. And just a heads up, Bernie knows this as well. That job is going to start off as an internship making nothing. So you're gonna have to give up time and energy and all this stuff you got going on with other things. You're twenty six years old, and go do it for free, and do it for nothing at a chance that maybe one day
you'll get taken on as a full time employee. And it's probably gonna you're gonna burn out and you're gonna realize being a country music manager it's very difficult. You're always on call. You're like a fireman working twenty four to seven putting out fires. And I don't know if it's going to be all yes.
So maybe before Maddy moves to Nashville or New York, maybe do a little more research. Maybe go to a local show and find a local band and say, hey, do you guys have management. I'd love to talk to them and just ask their manager, Hey, what does this
job look like. I'm interested in it. I think once you start to get more educated, it probably starts to back the veil of you know, this shiny career and it's like you get to know the real And if all of that still sounds appealing and you have like gained all this knowledge, then pack it up.
Love it. It's good all right, guys, Thanks so much. It's all we got today. See you next week. Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video. Yig