When I was twelve, I was not exposed to the amount of options of what my life could be like that Joe has been exposed to just because because of the era that we live in. It's a good point and because of that, like this generation, starting the millennials gen Z, the amount of anxiety, depression, suicide has gone up. Do you think that there's correlation of like a twelve year old asking us, how do I get all of this stuff that I've seen? I didn't think about that.
I didn't think about that. But he's all available. So he's going to spend his whole life with all of these options and think like, how do I get that? How do I get that? Did chidel tires? And so? Long line of filefo of husband down on back's rangy col w Evage. Yeah, you're got your favorite Bernie got on the podcast. I've got a good rotation of people. Yeah, like you and Parker are probably my two most regular people, and it's it's just exciting to see us this podcast grows.
People get more and more familiar with you and start craving you and your advice as we answered these questions. Yeah, that's awesome. Well, thank you guys. It's a privilege to be here. I hope that anything we discussed, anything we might say, may help you in some little way. So thanks for having me, Griz. Its pleasure always helps me. We've been talking for you. Got here an hour and four minutes ago. We did an hour. Ante starts the
camera when I walk in. We've been talking and talking and talking deep, deep conversations, and I'm like, man, we could have done an entire podcast over this conversation. A lot of it, actually is was revolving around the fact that I went back on tour last week and started a Bible study with the band and crew, open and open Bible study to anyone that wanted to attend. And
it was just just short. It would like open with prayer, and then we would read together some scripture and discuss the word and and then discuss kind of a little concept that I had built about either leadership at home or spiritual manhood or tithing your time. Is what we did yesterday, and it was. It was interesting and fulfilling and frustrating and a test for me in all kinds of ways. And then we would close with a prairie
quest from the band, and in me, I'm just thinking. Man, We're sitting in a bus in a bar parking lot doing this and it was it was special. And then Bernie comes in and just tells me some really good advice on how to how to continue to be patient and uh in that kind of environment. So I'm if you, if anyone's at this podcast trying to hear something or learn something, just know that I'm constantly learning as well, and constantly trying to evolve and become better. Yeah, we
all are, man. Yeah, So I'm gonna steal the first two questions for you. Okay, first question, who would you want to have on this podcast? Present company excluded? Like if you could pick, like, man, I would love to like get this person in uh and kind of go not just like interview them, but like the questions that you know, these guys are sending into you. I would
love to like chop up these questions with this person. Honestly, and this is probably gonna be an unpopular answer, but honestly, Jordan Peterson I think about that a lot because I've tell me to Jordan Peters, Jordan, you're familiar Toard, right, Oh you're not? No, okay, Uh, Jordan is a clinical psychiatrist from Toronto, Canada, and he has written a lot of books, one particularly that became very very popular bestseller
called Twelve Rules for Life. I started following him. I read the book first, and then I started following him on different YouTube platforms that he did, and then I saw him a couple of times on Joe Rogan. I think he's actually done that several times. And he is super deep, and he is a very very heavy thinker, and he could he's so smart. He could just dissect
questions and life's problems. He's not a Christian, so I could imagine him sitting here in this stool and us just going, you know, having these discussions for about an hour. And I always have anytime I hear him in a podcast or an interview, I wish that they would have asked it a different way for him, to challenge him a little bit more so. It's like I said, unpopular answer, but no, I think that's great. Jordan Peterson, all right, I'm gonna check him out. And we've mentioned it made
him many times on here. Okay, so Jordan, if you're watching open Invitation, I get to just sit in the corner and listen. Though if you have people like that on right, absolutely? Okay, yeah, all right. So second question, the pandemic has been terrible in a lot of ways. Right, There's been a lot of people lost their jobs, a
lot of people have died. We recognize that this has not been a fun experience for a lot of folks, but there have been things through this that have been produced that would not have made their way into our lives, habits, people, whatever, if the pandemic had not have hit. So my question is what is the best thing for you that's come out of the pandem in it? Well, first and foremost, little baby growing in Amber's belly right now? Would that don't would that have happened? I don't know. I know
you're gonna ask that. I don't know. I don't know if if that is a product of the pandemic, probably not, But because but I had so much time to dedicate to Amber through the process, and you know, we're having this baby through IVF, which was a tedious, long, medically involved process with many meetings, many appointments, many heartbreaks, and if I was on a normal year, normal schedule, it would been very difficult to not be there for Amber in every step of the process and comfort her through
like the miscarriage and and the bigger days and some of the disappointing news and some of the exciting news. There was a time when she was going like every week, she would go into a different appointment every week during the week during the day, I would have inevitably had
to miss many of those. So that's been a blessing that me and the kids will never forget this time that we've had every morning together, Like every morning they wake up and I'm in there and they come and we have this special time in the afternoons and in the morning when they get off school. During the pandemic, when they weren't in school there was it was all virtual and with them every day, every single day. For a traveling dad with a traveling career, that's been a
special thing. It's also it's taught me so much and I'm still learning what it has taught me. For instance, I just learned recently this last week when we took our first tour. We were gone for six days, played four shows, and I learned for the first time ever that I debunked a myth that we have to play a certain amount of shows in a row. To get our chops up, to start sounding good. We went into
this with no rehearsal. We went in day one and we nailed the show, and we were high fiving and so excited, and I just thought, Man, I always thought, if we book a big festival, so we booked some massive festival in Michigan. I always thought that we got to book three small dates right in front of it, like club dates, to just get our chops up. But we went in and what I think happened was the crowd was normal for the first time in thirteen months.
And because the crowd was normally, it was triggering us to dig into a memory bank of our mind to access a full habit of a show. And so they would trigger. The fans would trigger by doing a sing along or a cheer and trigger back. And we'd played. And we went through these shows and played like twenty eighteen, made mistakes like twenty eighteen, made really good moments as good as it would have been in twenty eighteen nineteen. So there was that one more thing I learned this weekend.
I also learned through the band and crew. You know, when you have a bunch of men traveling like that, you inevitably have these men go through ups and downs. They go through isolation moments, they go through exciting moments, they go through fits of what we do call moments of depression. You know, you see guys kind of roaming around on a bus and you're you're in a parking lot.
We have to have these off days to get way out to these states we're playing, so we'll be sitting in a parking lot all day while the drivers sleep. So you have to occupy your mind in some way at it, like yesterday where it sat all day in Oklahoma City at Bass Pro Shops parking lot. You have to occupy your mind. What we noticed was what I noticed was that thing that we used to blame on
a long tour. Now we're looking at this the same loneliness and isolation and overcome by boredom and missing home. We're seeing those same things from guys that have only been gone three days and they're home the whole year before that. And so it's like, wait a minute, maybe
it wasn't we need a break from touring. Maybe it's something deeper, right, Yeah, Maybe it's way deeper than just we've been gone for too long guys, Right, and that's just two things I learned this last week from the pandemic. But there's Yeah, I know that's a long way to answer your question. But how about you, what could you say? Well, the reason I asked you is because somebody asked me, and it made me have to stop and think for
a second. And I think for me, I used to wake up at five point thirty right and get into my routine. And because I work downtown, I would and I didn't want to sit in any traffic. I would basically get up, get my workout clothes on, and go downtown and then I would either like run town Lake and then shout out my office and then I would be there, which means that I didn't see my kids from basically the night before, you know, until I got
home from work. And part of the question is kind of like, you know, what did you benefit from it?
That's like continuing and now I've kind of gotten in this habit of or you know, reshape my routine to where I do everything at home like I do my you know, my quiet time, prayer, meditation, journal, exercise, everything at the house and then I come and I get to spend you know, thirty or forty minutes before the kids leave to school, making breakfast, like joking around with them, and my wife, you know, said the other day, like having you here in the morning has like changed the dynamic,
and it's like I actually love being there and getting to like, you know, my little three year old. I just like we leave at the same time, and Leslie walks him to school and I just like ride my truck along next to him as he rides his little strider bike and we yell at each other and yeah, I'm a little bit later getting to the office than if I went down and I was like, Okay, I'm there, But the fifteen to twenty minutes that I give up is like, no, man, I'm I'm gonna keep I'm gonna
keep this. This is a special gift for me, but also I think for them and for Leslie just to have me get us to be together in the morning. So absolutely, man, it's been awesome, I think, and I kind of I've said this before, but that's where journaling has come in so clutch for me is and I use a I know me and you're very differ on journaling.
You go to a spiral notebook and I do a digital, And I started digital three years ago because I didn't always know where I was going to be that day, and I didn't want to always remember to pack my journal wherever I was going because I would forget it. And after I tried a journal for a while in a notebook, I would be like, I forgot it. Well, I guess I'm not journaling today. So I started an app called day one. So I started journaling on this app,
and I started it three years ago. And it's been so clutch now because every morning I'll see what happened in twenty nineteen and what happened in twenty twenty on this day. Oh cool, And those two years are a massive contrast for me. This is April, so April twenty nineteen and April twenty twenty. In April twenty twenty one, I had In April nineteen, River was still around touring. Things were looking great. We were living in a completely
different house. In April twenty twenty, we'd lost River, the pandemic had hit. We were living in a new house that we had on the market. We're selling, trying to close on the land where we are now with a lot of unknowns, a lot of fear, a lot of worry, and then here I am journaling in April twenty twenty one, with the fulfillment of that whole move and real estate debacle and getting rid of the house and getting into where we are now in the RV and the barn.
And it's such good therapy to look back on those two years and see what mattered, what didn't matter, the state of mind I was in the contrast of twenty nineteen and twenty twenty, which I think most people could probably contrast those two years in a similar way and remind myself of gratefulness, what I'm thankful for. What I might have thought I was grateful for that really didn't really even matter that much. Sure, did you say, did you say that You've also started like talking to your
future self and your interests, like asking questions. Okay, so I think I started that in twenty twenty A couple of times I would say, people are coming to look at the house today, and keep in mind, we're selling our house. We were trying to get out because my job was unstable, and we were selling in a market
where like Travis County had shut down all real estate viewings. Oh, I was in Williamson County, and they were still doing some viewings, but it was like had to sanitize the house, have to wear a mask, have to wear gloves when you come in. So the viewings were very rare. So I was looking at that and just going, hey, future self, how does this work? How does this look? You know, like, do I end up getting out of this house? Am
I going to? Because we had we were contingent on we had just got this new land and we're contingent on building if we sold, And so I'm like asking. I started asking my twenty twenty one self. So then in twenty twenty one, I started answering myself cool and most of the answers are chill out, buddy, Ye're fine,
You're just fine, It's all gonna be fine. And now I started asking my twenty twenty two self questions, you know, and not that there's a lot of value in that, because your answer is typically going to be one of two things. It's going to be it's all gonna be fine, or it's going to be hold on to what you got and be grateful for what you have right now. It's gonna be one of those two answers. You're right.
It's good man. If you want to answer some questions here from other people, even though we could answer each other's questions. See here we go again, Bernie is talking. So if you want to ask me anything, email Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. Could be about any subject. As this podcast grows, so are your questions, and so are the categories of your questions. So there's really no limit to what you could ask, and the age limit on this podcast, as we've seen, it's kind of limitless.
I have I have people in elementary school and people in nursing homes, all emailing and everything in between. I'm going to leave it up to you Burns on some of these titles. We have a how do I treat how do I treat my wife better? Have new father Advice? I have urgent relationship advice. I have what is it to Be a Man? I have Life as a Journey. I have promotion. Any of those stand out for you. We could start with I'm going to go with first one, how do I treat my wife better? I'm a little
scared of this one. Let's get into it. It says I had grantres, so my wife and I have been married almost three years, been together for seven. We have known each other and been friends for eighteen. I have a major temper issue. Sometimes it spills out onto my wife. How do I change this? I've been to prison three times, been to jail twenty times, never for hitting my wife, but all drug related. I have one. I am one year clean. Now how do I treat her better? I
get really short with her? Any advice you have would be great. Thank you. I'm not going to read the name, but yeah, I'm sorry. I'm not laughing or smart or smirking or anything at the situation. At I guess the title of the question. I was expecting a different situation. Expect a little bit more loaded. That's a little bit more loaded of a situation than I was expecting. Hey, like,
we have young kids. I mean putting, you know, thinking about myself, Like I'm hoping this guy has an answer for the question because it's like, hey, we you know, I'm a business owner, I have small kids, and my mom and I love each other, but we're just trying to, you know, how do we do life and do It's like, okay, bro, let's let's talk about this because I feel this this is uh I would venture to say, unique situation and in another situation where I feel like having the dialogue
with this guy. Yeah, in person would be it's like, okay, the twenty times you've been to jail, have those been like recently? Well? He okay, let's say this first. We have to say congratulations on one year clean. He says, I'm one year clean now and all the all the jail time has been drug related now is one year clean. So you would think he's on this is this dude's on a path now. Yep, that's it's a really good path.
And so I got to say congratulations on that, and that is that is the most valuable thing you could have right now, is being clean with yourself. Yep. It's more valuable than being nice to your wife, because one has to come before the other, right, and being clean has to come before you're gonna be you're gonna be cool to your wife. I would go journaling first. We could because we just mentioned it. I would say, what helps me with individual relationships sometimes is making a daily
challenge for yourself. It has to be, it has to be renewed every single morning. It's because look at it this way, when you wake up in the morning. You've got a clean slate for the day. You have no offenses yet you have you have not been harsh with her. When the sun comes up, you open your eyes, you start a new day. So I would do a quick journal to yourself. This might not even sounds silly, but your your question said, any advice would be great. So
here you go. Just say, it's uh, it's Monday. I I'm going to I'm going to start clean today with my wife, just like you you went clean with the drugs. I'm gonna start today and I'm not going to be harsh with her at all, and then go through the day and then the next morning reevaluate how you did yesterday. So yesterday I did pretty good until like three o'clock and then she was saying something and I kind of
snapped at her. And recognize that and catch catch yourself and label it and give yourself a time that three fifteen I did this. And so today on Tuesday, I'm gonna start clean again, and I'm gonna see if I can get all the way through the day. I'm gonna get all the way to sundown without being harsh with her. What'd you got burns? Did he say there hasn't been any abuse? Or yes, oh he said never? Where did you say that? Never for hitting her? Never for hitting her? Okay,
So man, there's just there's so much here one. Your wife, maybe she's listening to I think that there has to be just kind of some respect and kind of shout out to her for sticking with this guy through what's been a pretty wild up and down journey, and that she if she's listening, and husband, you need to go and tell her if you haven't, that you have not deserved any of that, because abuse can be you know, not just physical, but verbal in the way that you
you know, have talked to her and yelled at her, or what you say, you lose your temper, the way you've treated her. There's been some hurt and pains done there. I think that there's a mindset and maybe what you're saying is like the these are kind of practical things
that can help shift the mindset. But I don't know if you're a Christian, if you read the Bible, if you know where you at or where where you are on the faith spectrum, but the way that you view your wife and and that kind of mindset may need to be something that shifts and viewing her as more important than yourself and someone that you are called to lay down your life for and to give yourself up for in all things. Right, we've heard that line before.
Peter says to love your wife as if that's your own flesh. Right, what does that mean to you? Right? Yeah, so there could still be some just neurological habits that are kind of like kicking in that great point. Yeah, hopefully you are. You have support, you have sponsors, you have help, you have a friend. Honestly, community can do a lot for your relationship. Get a band of brothers that can hold you accountable, that can encourage you, that you can talk about like really deep stuff with and
be vulnerable with. And because guys, I know the culture tells us the opposite, but that is where your strength is shown, and that's where your strength is renewed, is when you find a band of brothers that you can be vulnerable with and they come to the table and say, hey, man, this is a place that you can let down your guard and you're going to show us that you have courage and that you're you're strong by the amount you're willing to share with us, and I guarantee you if
you can find, you know, some people like that at a community like that, they're going to help in a tremendous way. Kind of give you some support. Dude. Yeah, let's go back to the the habit issue Bernie too, because everything you're saying is awesome, and I want to say that I kind of consider myself a recovering temper issue at it. You know, I kind of consider myself to be a mildly recovered per that could fly off the handle. I could fly off the handle on road rage.
I could try to prove someone that they're driving's bad by going ninety miles an hour and cutting them off. Like I was that guy. I was the guy that
got in a lot of of bar fights. Maybe fights is to say a lot is rough, but maybe bar disputes where it got physical as we were trying to get paid at the end of the night from a bar owner or dealing with someone in the parking lot outside of our van, and I went off the handle a lot and it got so bad for me that I had to I had to start identifying what Bernie said that what was triggering that, Because there's always a trigger, and so I started here we go, riding down, I
started writing down my triggers. Number one for me, number one was always sleep, and especially let's take alcohol and drugs. Let's take all that out, because you got to that has to stop. That has a stop anyway if you're dealing with this kind of issue. But other than that, sleep was always a big deal. So I would think, if I if I drove all night in the van, or if I had an early flight or whatever was going on in my life, if I didn't get much sleep, I'm on a short fuse today, And so I would
recognize that you're on a short fuse. And when you recognize that you're on a short fuse, it makes it so much easier just to say it's not her that's causing this, this is because I'm hearing it through the lens of a short fuse. Just don't talk, don't don't really, don't say anything else. Let her win. Let her win. I heard someone say one time that in an argument,
you to win. An argument is a lose for everyone because the only thing you get out of that is you get to be right, but she gets to be wrong, and that's worse. You then you losing the argument. That's worse because now she's wrong and there's a resentment there. So it's so much better just to say you know what, you're right and just let it pass. Because when you tell her she's right and she gets to feel right, awesome, and then deep down it doesn't really matter to you.
Just let her have it and you being nice to her comes after you deal with the temper issue. That has a start. Dealing with the temper, is you comes before you treating your wife better? Right? No? Absolutely? Absolutely? Yeah. I think like you're saying, is this is a heart issue first and just a bookend this like Proverbs four thirty two, above all else. So when that starts with above all else, and you think about everything in Proverbs, like that's pretty heavy. Above all else. Guard your heart
for everything you do flows from it. So consider start to just consider the current state of your heart towards your wife, towards your life, towards God, towards your friends, and then try to think of ways that you can guard it from all of the different things that are trying to change it in a way that makes it you fly off the handle towards people you you know, treat your wife this certain way, like really just guarding your heart as much as you possibly can and really
giving your heart things that are life giving. I don't know, man, it's a tough situation. I'm glad to hear that you've it. Sounds like you've turned a corner. Be encouraged, stick with it, find community, guard your heart, and yeah, man, email us back in and let us know because you know, when does this come in, like Sunday, Give us time, see how things go. But we're gonna keep us, keep us up today, keep us up to day. We're gonna take a break, be right back. Podcast is brought to you
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This this podcast is free to listen to. It costs me money to produce it, so it works perfectly that I get to enjoy endorse products that I actually use. All right, Burns, let's get another one. Here is if you If you guys have an email or have a question, email it to Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. We have new Father Advice Urgent relationship advice, and it says for you what does it mean to be a man?
Let's go new father, new father because I man. Before I came up here, I was actually just thinking about now having three kids, and people that are about to have kids, like I had some thoughts about that, so many crisis for them, says Hey Granger. My name is Dakota. I'm from Winfield, Kansas. I've been watching your videos, listening to your music and podcasts for a little bit. I've really enjoyed watching and listening to you and your families
videos music could podcast. Thank you, buddy. My wife and I just got married in November, and I just turned twenty one in February and my wife will be twenty in June. We have a little girl coming in June. Do you have any advice for being a dad to a girl? How do I make sure I lead her in the path of the Lord and to have strong faith. I'm just super nervous about not knowing how to do something right or messing something a lot, messing something up
because I'm just so young. Also, my in laws aren't big fans of me, and they don't see me much, and I'm trying to have a good relationship with them, and it's hard to do my best to provide for the family. Do you have any advice for that situation as well? So that's kind of two questions here. Thanks for taking the time to read my email. God bless you and your family, Sincerely, Dakota. So two questions. Yeah,
the second one is pretty easy. You love their daughter and you love their granddaughter in a way that they see the joy in life in their child and their grandchild. You're gonna win them over, no doubt. Yeah, he says, they don't see how much I'm trying to have a good relationship with them, or how hard I'm trying to do my best to provide for my family. So what Bernie's saying is they will by your actions. Yep, give
it some time. They're seeing the joy that your wife has in life, and that she feels loved and cared for and safe, and sometimes that it takes a little more time. But if you're diligent in that, and that's why you wake up, man, I am going to love this woman. I'm going to love this little girl. I'm going to give myself up for them and everything. I think you're gonna win them over. So just give it time.
I want to speak also to the question within the question, when you said I'm super nervous about messing this up because I'm so young, So I want to knock that out too and just say that's not an issue. You're twenty one. There have been many fathers that have come before you on planet Earth that have been twenty one years old and done just fine. You're perfectly capable inside your being to raise this little girl and to support
this family at your age and your wife's age. In fact, almost all of our grandparents and great grandparents and grand they were all that age. It's just a modern thing that people are waiting till they're a little bit later. So erase that from the question. You're fine, yep, right. And you mentioned like raising her in the way of the Lord and you know, pointing her, you know, towards God.
So it sounds like you have, you know, God's word as a guide, and so keep digging into that and just devour it and wrestle with it and ponder it and write about it and challenge it and stretch it and everything, and it's gonna point you in the right direction for sure. So my thought on this what came to mind that if this came up for whatever reason, I was like, man, I feel like I need to
share this. I don't know how to communicate to like treat this first kid like it's your third or fourth kid, because the way that I treat Jet, I wish that I would have, like had the whereabouts to treat Boston that way, because I feel like there's this certain amount of pressure and attention and protection and the first kid kind of gets you know, and as a first time parent, the only thing that you want to do is not screw this up. You're right, and like you want to
point them to the Lord. You want to you know, it's it's your first go with this. You want the parents to look at you and say like, oh, yeah, he's you know, he's care for him. But I think if there's just if you can have more or let me say it this way. I wish that with my first two I would have had more of a sense of, hey,
everything's going to be okay. Like the things that you think are a big deal, I'm seeing with Jet it's like it's not that big a deal, right, just it's you know, yeah, if Boston would have spilled, first of all, Boston would have never been able to have an ice cream shake in my truck. Dude, you don't eat food in my truck. Jet is like standing up, like you know, just like spilling it everywhere. And I'm not losing my pati.
It's a difference in siblings, man, And I'm like, that's why there's you could always tell the difference in Oh you're the middle child, aren't you You're the youngest, aren't you you must be the oldest. It reflects the rest of your life, how that happened. Yep, so that would be that's my experience. That's what I would say, is like, just try to not just you know, I don't know,
you know what I'm saying. Totally, man, totally. I would say this is I don't think I ever say anything like this, but raise your expectations of yourself as a father and lower your expectations of your little girl's reaction and love for you. You know, that's perfect because you're going to come in and expect her to just You're like, Dad, you're gonna love you. And then she's like, doesn't even look at you, and you're like, man, I don't know
if I feel that just didn't feel right. You know, I thought it was gonna be so much more than this, and it is. You got to give it time. It is like my little girl is you know, it seems like yesterday when we were having this discussion with her and she was a baby, and now she's nine, and I honestly feel like she just now started loving me a lot. She always loved me, daddy, she always loved daddy,
but now she loves me. She craves my attention, she craves the time, She wants to hold onto my neck longer and squeeze me tighter, and she wants to tell stories later into the night, and she wants to get up earlier to see me. That's not what she did when she was four, right, you know. I was almost an annoyance to her when she was three and four years old as a little girl. Boys are different. Boys were different, But there is a difference when raising girls
and boys and girls. Girls need to be listened to a lot, and they need to be felt, and they need to be heard their their emotions need to be heard and their feelings need to be acknowledged a lot, and boys don't. Boys are, especially young boys, with a lot more surface level emotions. They get over things quick. Injuries don't last as long. Their feelings don't stay hurt very long at all. If if longer than ten seconds,
it's weird. London's feelings could stay hurt the whole day, you know, and then she'll get over it and then go back into it. We had that with Stella. Happened yesterday. It was like the feelings got hurt, something happened. She's like, okay, and then like an hour later she went back in. She was like, but this and then she thought about it again, thought about it again. It was the whole thing. No, that wouldn't happen with Boston or Jet Yeah, no way,
no way. Yeah, they'd be cool, it'd be over and neither way. I'm not advocating either one is good or bad. Dif' that's how it is. So we've gone through these kind of questions before, similar questions, and it's just, dude, you're asking all the right questions and you're coming from the right place. How do I lead her in the path with the Lord? Have strong faith? Well, you get down on your knees and you say that. Yeah, people, I've
heard it said before that vote. Bacham said, you people are so they pray so much for their kid to go to the right school, or to get the right grade, or to get on the right baseball team, or to make the dancer sidle, and they never do that about their faith or salvation or loving the Lord. Yeah. So it's like, God, please help this this little girl get a good grade on her math test because if she does, she'll get to go into this next school and she
really needs she really wants it, so please God. But how many times do we pray about her faith or her salvation or yeah, that's I think the answer here is the same answer for both of these questions. And that's what you're saying. Like the way that you, you know, lead this little girl and raise her in the way of the Lord, how do you win the parents over? It's it's just through your consistent, faithful love and affection and showing up. You just got to show a lot
of times. It's just showing up and continuing to love her, continuing to love her, continuing to love her, patience. All all of these things I think win over the the in laws. And also, you know, your little girl is just gonna feel loved and confident and safe, you know when she grows up. And that's definitely in this world what we want our daughters to have is good. Is that kind of confidence. You're going to show her how to walk in the path of the Lord by how
you lead her there. She's going to watch you. She's going to watch you get it up early, and she's going to come and she's when she wakes up from her and walks in there and you're reading the Bible, she's going to remember that that's what Daddy did in the morning. And when you say your prayers with her at night and at meals and during the day. We get together as a family now and it's a new
thing for us, and we'll pray before school. So it's like, okay, they're about to you know, about to go to school, and we all get in a circle and we pray for the day, and we see if the kids have anything that's coming up that they're worried about or anxious about, or anything going on, and we'll pray for that. And we do that for all kinds of reasons, but one of the reasons is so that they know that, as you say here, Dakota, walking in the path of the
Lord is the number one priority. They're going to see that through mom and Dad leading them that way. It's not like a special teaching that you could do. It's a it's something you model for them a man. Good luck to you, buddy, Dakota. Good luck man. Thanks of the question got urgent relationship advice? What is it to be a man? Podcast? Question? Kind of random what another one says question and then Hay Grangeer, I need some advice,
And then life is a journey. Let's go life as a journey, all right, because we Yeah, I didn't think you're gonna go there, It says Hay grangew. My name is Ernie from Wisconsin. Shout out to Wisconsin, Wisconsin. I've seen you many times in the past. I grew up in the country, and I've had a very privileged life that I get to eat and sleep and breathe big bucks, shooting ducks and jacked up Cummings trucks. Over the years, I've developed a quite serious alcohol and substance abuse problem.
I started out with no mental health issues, but over the years of very traumatic events and losing my girlfriends and fiance and ninety percent of the people that I've ever cared about, along with most of my friends. Sorry this once again, I made that reaction just because it's says not to mention the legal issues, multiple DUI, financial issues, homelessness, bankruptcy, the list goes on and on and on. I gave it full year of sobriety, and I'm dealing with years
of consequences. I just don't have the energy or mental stability to keep fighting and to keep hustling every day with the severe depression among other issues. This is not how I thought this email was going to go. Sorry, I just don't have the motivation and drive anymore to go and make a good life happen. I guess my question is I'm so stuck. I cannot find the motivation to put on my boots every day. What shouldn't do
to try to move forward? Based on your previous being Stuck podcast, this this email went so so different from already out saying I have a very privileged life. Thanks so much, Ernie. Well, he's got a perspective that's I guess positive if he feels like his life has been privileged. Where to start with, Ernie, It's a lot of stuff. Yeah, I'm struggling with the same question, Bernie. Where to start because this is one of his question is really how
to forward? How do we have motivation? This Stuck podcast he's talking about were you on that was that park? Thank you? I don't think it was me, but I remember seeing it, so I don't. He hasn't alluded again. Man, we need like a studio audience, when need these people in a chair where we can just ask them so stuff. Let's go. Let's start with kind of what we did a few questions ago, where we say congratulations on the sobriety. Yeah, that is you have recognized that that was causing an
issue and you have dealt with that. And I could, dude, I could, I could sympathize with I just don't have the energy or mental stability to keep fighting and hustling every day with the severe depression. And so let me say this, and I've heard John Piper say this, there is there is no shame in understanding that there is. There is a many forms of depression that just are going to require medication. And so I would say, Ernie,
I would recommend visiting a doctor about this. Yeah, absolutely, because the worst the doctor could say is no, you're You're fine. I don't think that's going to happen there, But there is. There is. There is mental injuries that happen to people that are unseen by the eye and hard to understand. But PTSD is a real thing that causes real damage, and we see it with soldiers and
law enforcement officers all the time. But it also happens to civilians and that requires a level of professional medical help that probably could lead to some kind of light form of medication to help that. I'm speaking way out of terms here because I'm not I'm not qualified to speak on this realm of medication at all. I'm just qualified to speak about help the country boys problem, speak about any of this stuff, just to be therapist psychologists.
So yeah, arey, I'd start there, man, I would set up an appointment and I would go and dump this on a a licensed medical professional and being very careful with dealing with any kind of medications because you've had substance abuse in the past, so that has to be a part of the conversation with the doctor. You don't want to make this worse. It could always get worse. That's a scary thing life. However bad it might seem, you could keep making it worse. So you want to
stop the digging right now. Stop stop digging the hole that you're in, and you want to start bringing dirt back into the hole that you've already dug. So don't don't make another substance abuse problem happen with some kind of medication. So with that kind of alarm going on, go visit a doctor. Yeah, we'll start there. Absolutely. So there's a book that I'm reading right now, just reference really quick, The Coddling of the American Mind. You read it,
heard of it. Okay, the only thing I'm gonna reference is CBT, which they talk about is cognitive behavioral therapy, and that could be something else to look into and research. It's an alternative to medicine. Research is showing that it is more effective and healthier option. Not just the healthier Oh, this is the organic way to like you know, No, it's showing that it's more effective. So research it again.
Like I'm just reading this book and starting to understand some of this stuff, but that is just jumping out to me so and not just what's this cat's name, or we're not saying this Ernie, Ernie. That's right. This is not just for him. This is for you know, any body out there that is wrestling with some of these things. Maybe you're in a similar situation. But I'm always going to go back to two things. I always
try to go back to two things, God's Word and community. Okay, you have got to like start with God's Word and what it says. If you're looking for a motivation to move forward, you need a purpose in your life. And I'm going to encourage you to search God's word, wrestle with it, and find your purpose that can give you the motivation to get out of bed each day. The second thing is community. We can't do that alone because left to ourselves, we will choose ourselves every single time.
Send this podcast, Ernie to one of your friends or to somebody, and maybe this can be the thing that starts to hey Granger Smith podcast, like read my question, and by doing that, you're showing the vulnerability to one of your friends, and maybe they like say, hey, I'd like to you know, let's let's keep talking about this stuff.
I'd love to support you. And then all of a sudden there's somebody else that can come in and you kind of all of a sudden have this community of support that's going to coincide with, you know, professional help. Like Granger said, but I think you got you gotta have I mean totally right, you know, correct me if I'm wrong, But like for any of these things, that's so right. I've got to have community. You gotta have
God's words. So here's what I would say to to lead directly where Bernie's going with this, Wherever you are in Wisconsin, whatever town you're in. Encourage you to find a church, which is not it's not easy. It's not as easy maybe as it even used to be. And the reason I know this is because I just went to church in Soux Falls, South Dakota, and it's like, you look at that, you look at a town, what do you do? Pull up Google, Google Maps and google church.
I mean, what do you? What do you do? So it took a little bit of research, and I had to know what I was looking for in the mission statement so you could tell. And I looked at several and I looked at their mission statement, and you could tell quickly what they're about. Are you about prosperity and getting rich quick? Are you about preaching Jesus right the way that the Gospel was intended? So you look for those kind of words, that kind of wording to find
that church. There's one around you in Wisconsin. I guarantee you. You walk through those doors. Seven days a week. You walk that door and you go, hey, guys, I'm Ernie. Can I talk to somebody around here? I'm just looking to be a part of something. And the reason I could speak so well to this earn is because I just did this two days ago in Sioux Falls, and I went in, didn't know a single person there, and I actually emailed them before I came and I said, Hey,
I'm in a traveling band. We're playing and looking for a place to come and for worship on Sunday morning. And it took them a couple of days, but they emailed back and said, great, come meet us at the hospitality desk. I would love to say hi. I went in it. They couldn't have been nicer. They gave me a little gift bag had a coffee mug and a journal and a pen and a little booklet. They were super nice and man, I went in there and I left there with friends, good friends. Actually eight of them
came to the show that night. I didn't know a single person there, but they were great people. It was a great community, very uplifting crowd. They came to my show, We hung out most of the day. Now have there on a text basis with these people. And this just happened to me two days ago. This can happen to you today, Ernie. As soon as you hear this podcast.
There's one around you, and I know that feeling stuck, feels like no one is there, no one cares, but they do, they do, and there's people here in your town that can help you, And sometimes that means also everything Bernie said about community also means sometimes you have to drop some of the duds in your life. Yep, there might be a you might think you have community, but so far that doesn't look like it's leading you
on a good path. So you might have to drop some of these dudes, and you might have to start over. You might have to quit the job you're on. It doesn't say that where you are working. But maybe that church thing also says do you have anyone doing your mowing your grass? You know? Could I help around here somewhere? There's all kinds of opportunities that come. So Ernie, you have a you have a little checklist here that I think is so important, visiting a doctor and then finding
this church there you go all right? Easy? Is that? Yeah? See what just solved all your props? Man? I feel for you, brother, that's a that's a heartfelt email, and thank you for thank you for asking it. I meant I meant to go in here and get some lighter questions. How much time we got a few minutes? Okay, I meant I'm meant to grab some lighter ones, and here we are creating this podcast. Here's one right here. Hey Gerr, my name is Joe. I'm twelve. I'm from Oregon. I
love your music, Joe. I'm sorry. Why has Joe got an email address? I thought you ha'd be thirteen. That makes me scared about the kids? Is that true? I thought it was this internet thing. Guys, it's a good thing. But it's Gmail. Watch out, it's Gmail. He signed up on Gmail? Did he lie about that? I thought it was thirteen. Maybe the world's changing. Go ahead. You don't have to be an age to get a Gmail. I don't think it could be anything. Okay, Yeah, sorry, I said,
I'm from Oregon. I love your music. Just turt watching the Smith? How could I be successful like you? Love? God? Have my dream home in the middle of I want to live in Texas too. I think I think I know the answer to all this. But how do you like it there? I'd love a shout out America eee signed red Neck Joe. That's a good red Neck Joe. Well, he's asking you, how do we how do we have it all? Smith? Well, don't don't. Don't pick up and leave Oregon because Oregon is an awesome place, man. Texas
is great. I love it. It's home. Oregon is your home. And Oregon is an amazing state, one of the most beautiful states in the nation. Incredible mountains and forest and wildlife and ocean and shots. Orgon's incredible. So the grass is always greener, right, Maybe that's one of the main themes here. Grass is always greener. Oh, man, I see the Smith's I see you're in Texas. It looks awesome
in Texas. And I spin around tomorrow and I see somebody vlogging in Oregon and I'm like, so green there and wildling mountains, and we don't have that in Texas when it's not always green in mountains. So grass is always green on the other side. And it's even more great in Oregon than than it is in Texas. Right, Bernie, we've said this before. When you're twelve, man, B twelve, B twelve, is that a vitamin B twelve? Enjoy being twelve man, Joe. Don't don't get too caught up in
success your dream home. Don't even think about a dream home, man. That is dude, do you think that there's some way And I'm going to try not to take us just like into the deep woods of Oregon. Right now. But like that this age that we live in, because when I was twelve, I was not exposed to the amount of options of what my life could be like that has been exposed to just because because of the era
that we live in. It's a good point. And because of that, like this generation, starting with millennials gen Z, the amount of anxiety, depression, suicide has gone up. Do you think that there's correlation of like a twelve year old asking us, how do I get all of this stuff that I've seen? I didn't think about that. I didn't think about that. But he's so he's going to spend his whole life with all of these options and think like how do I get that? How do I
get that? And I'm just I'm pulling it back to like the sermon at our church on Sunday where the pastor talked about God creating Adam and Eve. There was no options. That was it. That covenant was like, Hey, this is it. But now it's like we look around and we're like, we gotta see of options. They say in the candy store. Well, our candy store nowadays is huge. It's endless aisles of candy, and where do you even start, it's like going into Walmart. Nothing but candies and Walmart,
where do you go? And that's that's what Maybe that's what Joe sees. Maybe that's what the internet is and when reality me and you look at it and go, dude, Oregan is an awesome place to live. Yeah, so Joe, here's what Redneck Joe. And this is a maybe we'll just end like this, like just be present. Yes, your entire life, whatever life gives you, have gratitude and be in the present moment. Just give yourself to the people and the things that are in front of you. Love
it and don't look around. Don't look around. Just keep your head right here. So good with the people you got, love your Redneck Joe. Yeah, you're coming to the next ye day with the parents, but bring in. We'll see you guys. That's it. We got bye y'all. Thanks for joining me on the Granger Smith podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to
this channel. Hit that little like button and the notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a question for me, that you would like me to answer. Email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com, Yigi