Don’t get mad at me for saying this.

girls basketball coach. Okay, how's that going. It's interesting you you don't know what kind of patience is required when you are coaching sixth grade girls basketball. Okay, that's a new level. Maybe I'll be there one day. Yes, I hope you are, because it's a it's a process of just kind of taking off the rough edges. Listen is in fourth, Yeah, she's in fourth. So I'm right behind you. Because even coaching, the difference between coaching my sons and

my and then coaching my daughter so different. Just yeah, I bet, I bet a different approach in every way. We have to add to your resume. Also, now you are podcast host, yes, of the Take and Read podcast. That's Take and A and D Read podcast that could I could. I just say that because it makes me feel good to say it's a spin off of this podcast. Yes, absolutely, you are Grandfather Godfather like. It is absolutely a spin off, and I hope, I hope it keeps spinning. It's been

so fun. You've actually had Parker, me Bernie as guests. Those are the three that I know that have been on this microphone. So it is the in depth journey that you could take after you hear this podcast and you go gyle le either they're talking about some some Bible stuff, and then the Take and Read podcast goes

into the actual Bible. You have it open. You're actually going through scripture in a very entry level way, right, And I don't mean that in any kind of negative way, besides the fact that it's it's literally take the scripture, read it slowly, one line at a time, just a few lines, and discuss what jumps off the page at you. You're not you're not referencing some deep theological sermon or you're just going what do you do? What do you

think this means? Yeah, I mean part of the format is that a guest and you've experienced this now a couple of times. You are now our most frequent guest because you've been on there twice. But the idea is that you don't know the passage. Yeah, because I don't want you to be able to study it in advance research find cool nuanced things and definitions and commentaries. It's just two followers of the Lord breaking open the text

and reading it guided by the Holy Spirit. Let's have a conversation and let's apply this thing to our life. So good Man and I listened on the way to Thanksgiving. I listened to the one with you and Parker. Is that the most recent one? Well, yes, so, I mean unless you count the one that you're in. Okay, that's the most recent one. Okay, I got you. So I listened to the one with you and Parker, and I was just I was. I really loved it. I really loved the flow of it. So for you guys listening,

he releases on Wednesday, Take and Read podcast. Highly recommend it. The format of this podcast is I answer your questions whatever they might be. It could be any subject. We don't limit the subjects at all, and you'll find out today that they are all over the map. But you could email Granger Smith podcasted email dot com and then Chad and I we'll go through this without notes, without preparation.

Chad has not heard any of these questions, and I have only skimmed the first couple of lines and just enough to categorize what they're what they're going to be. And we we like to do it in a setting where it's almost like we're sitting around a campfire. I mean, we're camping and there's two of us and we're sitting on logs and there's enough there's a third person, and it goes you know, it's kind of quiet as we're watching the fire crackle and you go, can I ask

you guys something? You know, something I've been kind of wrestling with or something I'm excited about or a question I'm really trying to iron out in my life. And we go, okay, let's walk through this. Yeah, And like that setting, you're not always going to take your friend's advice, but you know that there's no like, there's no motivation to tell you other than what's on their mind. And

they're they're gonna shoot straight with you. And that's what we're going to try to do, cause I mean it's inevitable we will get a question and we'll go, well that I have ten more questions based on their question about the scenario, and we just don't have that information. So we just man, we just go with what we

got and take it or leave it. Let me make a confession to you today, as I was prepping for this podcast, one of the questions that I was looking at had a number on it, a phone number on it, and I was tempted to reach out to that phone number and say, could we put you live on the podcast? Oh yeah, so comment below if that's something that that would might be interesting, if maybe once a podcast we actually call them, that would be awesome. That'd be wild.

The only reason I didn't just jump on it today was I was like, technically, how am I going to hook the phone up? I tell, yeah, how am I going to like live while I'm doing this? And of course I could figure it out, but but I wanted to kind of just say it on the air with you too, that it is a possibility that one day we could call somebody, read their question as they're on the phone, and then me and you walk through it and they could respond back. It would be kind of good.

That would be Yeah, I'm up for that. That would be awesome. All right, first question of the day. You know I like to go with the light one. First I found this out septic line says my pups are frustrating sometimes. Hey Grange your My name is Austin. I live in Virginia. Me and my fiance have two pups right now. One it's becoming really let me read this again. We have two pups right now and it's becoming really difficult.

I don't have as much of an issue, but the puppies have gotten to be a good size where my fiance is finding it hard to control them. We love them so much. We're taking we are taking it really hard and having so much trouble. We've contemplated selling them to a good home. But I just can't help feeling like I would be abandoning them just because the going is getting tough. Any advice would be much appreciated. To look forward to listening to your podcast. Austin, you have

any dogs we have? Yeah, we have our dog and we were never gonna to have dogs. And then I was in Africa and Uganda and I was up in a mountain village there speaking to some pastors and after lunch, one of them came out with a box that had a puppy in it, and it was a gift. Now, normally you can expect a goat or a chicken, which is something that you would then butcher and eat. And everyone I was with was like, you can't eat a dog.

What are you going to do with this thing? So my wife, trying to kind of be good and supportive, who had always said we're never going to own a dog, partially because there's I mean, there's a lot of factors, but so not that we don't like dogs, but she said, yeah, sure, if you can get him home. We found a way to get him home. So we have a dog. He's two years old. And I can relate to Austin's sentiment.

Puppies are challenging. They are destructive. They are like, yeah, obviously there's good methods of training, but they can still just get they can fry straight. Yeah, totally, Austin. I got a couple a couple of directions. I can go with you here. First, I want to, just like Chad, I want to affirm your your struggle. I want to tell you I want to speak into you right now that that rehoming this these dogs or this or one dog is is not a knock on you. It's not bad.

It's not a bad thing. You're you're not abandoning him as long as you're rehoming properly, responsibly rehoming this dog, and you're you're making a conscious effort to find the right home. Hey, but there's nothing wrong with that. I would rather you do that. Then you just kindle this dog and it just has a terrible life in your apartment. But there's a couple of more components of this one. What you're feeling is very normal and will go away

when they hit about two years old. Yeah, but somewhere around two, there's like this magical time in a dog's life where that just become a good dog. You get you get as a puppy, they're so cute, and then they get to this teenage age, which I have one right now. She's about twenty months, eighteen twenty months something like that, and it's just like they're like a teenager. Just yes, like they know the rules, but they sometimes will look at you and do the opposite. Yeah, you're like,

what you know better? So you could I could suggest this, but it costs money, but you could ship them away to some kind of doggy boot camp. I know they have them in Austin, and it's expensive, it's like a thousand bucks, but they're gone and they'll take them for four to six weeks and they will come back a new dog. And you have to do some training too, because they are now accustomed to a certain type of commands and treatment and triggers and so you've got to

learn all that stuff. Yeah, and I'm like right there on the fence right now with our youngest Luna, I'm like, I don't really want to spend thousand dollars on this dog. And from the very beginning, I was like, I'm not going to do that. I'm not gonna do that to the I'm going to train this dog myself. But then I start touring and then we have a baby, and I'm like, maybe I should ship this dog away from how she's She's like twenty months, so you're like four

to five months away from the chill out period. But this summer, I think she's gonna start chilling out. So so there's that Those are the different components. Or you could do it yourself and just wait out the storm. But I understand your frustration and you guys, you don't want to be doing this with a baby. So if you guys are planning on you know, if the wedding soon, you got a baby coming soon, you don't want to be dealing with this and a newborn in the house.

So I would you could also much a much cheaper option is you could do the puppy class with them and do a group class. Yeah, you can do obedience training, yeah, where you're there, and that's that's instead of a thousand bucks, that's like a hundred bucks, which is still a chunk of change. But you show up with the dog and like every Monday, you know, Mondays at six pm. I remember doing that with a lab I had many years ago.

So and that's probably more accountability that the dog will get trained and you will be an effective dog owner than like watching YouTube channels, because there are YouTube channels that are like, you know, learn to train your dog in seven steps, are it's not gonna work. So funny story, I remember taking my lab Rio. This was in two

thousand and two. I got this dog. I was living by myself in Nashville, got this dog, and you know, it was the great, great idea of getting this puppy, and he was awesome, and then he hits this teenage stage. I was like, oh, grab, I'm gonna sign him up. We're gonna go to a camp together. So he signed up for this this training every Monday, and day one I showed up with him and they had they had this table, this like folding table set up with all

these papers and they were taken. There was a line of people and everyone was signing up, you know, to join the class. And so I go up there with Rio on the leash, and he sees another dog and he takes off and his leash wraps around that falling table. It just whips it up, whips it together. The whole table collapses and all the papers go everywhere. That's like a movie scene. You got the most challenging dog, and

this is what happens at doggy training. And all I could say was now you know why I'm here, and everyone just kind of laughed. I mean, in any other situation it would have been terrible, except for the doggy training class. We go, yeah, well, welcome, welcome to the class. Good question, awesome, good luck to you brother. One more easy one Granger. I was wondering what you put in your coffee every morning? Do you drink black, cream, sugar, etc. I love what you do. Thanks for thanks for always

being there for us fans. This comes from Michael, So keep in mind this is he's just fresh off of brushing his teeth and they're minty clean. That's right. If you want to know the backstory of that goes, check out the first episode of the Take and Read podcast. We hear about his morning routine. So he's got mint on the mouth, he's minty. So what do you pair with mint in your coffee? Oh? Chad loves the story, but I like to drink drink coffee after I brushed

my teeth in the morning. Comment below, do you brush your teeth after you drink coffee or before? I like to wake up and brush my teeth and then drink coffee. I know it's weird. Obviously Chad really thinks it's weird. I've gotten more comments about that than anything else in the emails that I get. And now people in the subject line will put the order of events. They'll put like brush, coffee brush or double brush. Yeah there's some double brush lash there. Yeah, that's rush when the gums.

And some people are like, well, it depends on the time of day, Like for Granger, it's first thing in the morning. But some people are like, I brush my teeth first because I don't drink coffee for another couple hours. I'm like, well, that makes sense. Some are moms that just, you know, the morning happens and then they're getting kids to school and things are happening. But you it's like you wake up, guzzle water, brush your teeth, then get

ready for your nice cup of coffee. So what do you put in your Okay, okay, I don't put anything in my coffee, just straight black. And I used to I've gone through phases in my life where I'll go I'll get really into like drip coffee or French press. And I used to do this on the bus. I would get like really good beans and then grind them and then French press that are dripped and get really into it. And I always go back to the cake cup, the curried cup. I'm just like, man, there's luckily, I

feel like I'm very blessed in this aspect. I don't I'm not a coffee snob and I'm definitely not a wine snob, like, thank god, I don't have a high, high falutin taste for right, that can get spendy gosh. Yeah, And same with coffee, like I'll take I mean, I don't want the cheapest stuff you got, but give me the next level up from your cheapest stuff, I'll drink it black good to go. Yeah, that's so good. Do you visit like when you're on tour, do you visit

coffee shops? Yeah? Yeah, we Actually I do like coffee shops because usually it's the first thing that's open in the town that we go to park and it's seven in the morning, I get up the bus and the coffee shop is the only place that's opened, so you can go in there. You can you can get like maybe a small breakfast like a taco or something, and then a cup of coffee. And I will say that if it's I never try to drink a coffee after three o'clock in the afternoon, that will affect my nighttime.

But if it's like two o'clock, one o'clock, and I'll go to a coffee shop, I could do cream then, like okay, I could do a cappuccino. Yeah, but first thing in the morning, it's always black. What do you do You ever drink coffee pregame? Like before a show? Do you have to think about what you eat and drink in order, like how that's gonna affect your energy?

And there's times when I do. There's times when I had a three am, you know, airport call, and then the show's at ten pm that night, and I didn't have time for a nap, and I'll just I'll have to weigh it out, like do I want to have a have a better show with a kick of caffeine, or do I want to make sure I have a good night's sleep tonight? And sometimes I could weigh it out where it's like, man, I'm so tired, I'm gonna

go to sleep after the show no matter what. So a cup of coffee right for the show, give me energized for that ninety minutes? Yea, And it literally does. It will energize me just for that show, and then I can come off the stage and still crash pretty quick. I go, I go to sleep fast after my show. Okay, we we were introduced, my wife and I were introduced the concept of a Napa Chino. Okay, now I don't know if this is true, but we believe Again, I don't know that this is true, but that it takes

about twenty minutes for caffeine to hit the system. So there's something about if you like just down a cup of coffee or some sort of caffeine without sugar in it, and then can go and sleep for twenty minutes, you'll wake up feeling like eight hours of sleep just you've done this. Yeah, it works sometimes sometimes if I can get to sleep and it's a good sleep, twenty minutes, bam, I wake up and I feel restored. Interesting the Napa Chino. The key is you can't have sugar in that because

you're not going to fall asleep. You don't have sugar regardless of any No, that stuff bad for you. Yeah, we can talk about it another time. Hey, side note, I think I might have told you this before. There's been scientific studies on rats. You can addict rats, if that's what is that a word? Addict? You could make rats addicted to cocaine in a cage and introduce sugar. They will reject the cocaine and go to the sugar

every time. Come on, what does he say? What does that say about us, Right, what does that say about our sugar addictions? Worse than cocaine? Yeah? All right, let's get you another question. Is that one of those comments that will make the tagline of the worst than cocaine? Maybe? So the thumbnail yes, okay, this one says friends parentheses for Granger and pastor Chad. Oh right on high Granger

and Pastor Chad. I'm right outside of Seattle, Washington. I'm turning sixteen in June, and I go to a good sized church, about fifteen hundred members. That is good size, especially for Seattle. I have had I have not had any friends for about four to five years ever since becoming homeschooled. I have a few people I talk to, but none I'm close with because we have nothing in common. They like cameras and businesses. I like snowmobiling, biking, hunting,

and scuba diving. When I talk about anything that they don't like, they get annoyed and board. How can I find people I have more things in common with and make friends? Timmy, it comes from Timmy and so Timmy sixteen, sixteen years old, homeschool so probably sixteen is what junior? Yeah, sophomore, sophomore sophomore junior year. So man, right off the bat, Right off the bat, I would say, I would say, these hobbies that you mentioned, where's he from? Seattle, snowma, biling,

dirt biking, hunting, and scuba diving. Doesn't it feel like, Timmy, you could go to the places where these things are done and find like minded people. Right off the bat. Yeah, and it sounds like the people that he does laugh with, whether it's at church or it's because he goes to

a pretty large church he said, fifteen hundred people. Yep, it's you know, a youth group setting, or maybe it's within the home school kind of world that he's in a homeschool co op that he just tends not to be doing life with the same people that enjoy the stuff that he does outside of that. So I can see the challenge. Sure, that's definitely challenging. Yeah, I see the challenge, Timmy. I would go to you got winter coming up? This this this email came yesterday, so we're relevant.

We got winter time coming up. I would go to the mountain, and what's the mountain right outside of Seattle. It's beautiful mountain. Rin Near is south of Seattle. There's a good ski resort not far from him called Mission Ridge. The Mission Ridge, I'm a fan of. It's you have to kind of go over the cascades. I would go there, and I would go to the snowmobiling place, the rental place, you know, and I would go up to the dude that works there and just go, hey, my name is

Timmy Man. I love snowmobiling, and I don't have anybody to do it with me. Yeah, is there anyone that comes in here every day? And he's probably going to go, Man, everyone that comes here left snow. Yeah, come come back here tomorrow at three o'clock. We have a group going. There's seven of us, and we take the hard trail. Yeah, you know, and it's we go overnight, we camp, and you're gonna you're just gonna fall face first into this

group of friends that love what you do. And I would say too that if you if you found that there was maybe somebody that was even slightly receptive to the times that you talked about snowmobiling or hunting or just outdoor adventures, invite them and totally just figure out a way to make it where it costs them nothing, Like, Hey, just come with me, have you ever gone hunting, or have you ever stalked an animal? Or have you ever gone snowmobiling. I'd love for you to be my guest.

I want you to check it out because it is so cool, and just see if there's somebody that's been somewhat receptive and invite them along. I got something for you. Just just just occurred to me when you were saying it. So for some reason, I was wondering why he said, these people have nothing in common with me. They like

cas and businesses. It's weird that he said that. But when you said it, you started saying, I said, I thought, man, ask the camera guy to go and come in videos as part of a business and make a cool videos. Make a video or a hunting Yeah, hunting all the show perfect. Go to your camera guy. I mean that's what I've done my whole life. I gravitate towards the camera guys, and I'm like, hey, will you come to my show and film and this is perfect. There's your connection, Tommy.

When you have a really famous hunting show on Netflix, we're going to call that the second spin off, Timmy. Yes, okay, we only take ten percent. Well, we got time for one more question here, let's knock one out. Gosh, I don't know if this is going to be easier or not. The title is Pastor Chad am I wrong? All right? Hey? Their My name is Tess. I've really enjoyed listening to the podcast, especially when Pastor Chad is on. I'm a single mother with a young son. I left my husband

because he had anger issues. He was emotionally, mentally and physically abusive towards me. We were married for six years without really realizing I was living in domestic violence. I've been told by many, including pastors, that I have no grounds for leaving him parentheses filing for divorce because there wasn't infidelity and he didn't leave me. I believe this to be legalistic. We've tried counseling, and I wanted him to admit he had anger issues. He never did, and

thought that the problem was our marriage instead. I don't know if I've gone against God, and I'm just confused as to what I should have done. I think about this quite often, so I hope you could lead me to some insight. I appreciate it. God bless tests. So she's asking if she's wrong to have either filed for divorce or to have left. I would say, if you if somebody is in an abusive relationship, there is no question get out of that. Separate yourself from the situation

immediately for you and your son. So I don't think you're wrong to do that. So that's her question. She's saying because there wasn't domestic violence. I thought she was saying because there wasn't infidelity, because I'm sorry there wasn't infidelity. You're right, You're right. I read that wrong without realizing that I was living in domestic violence, but there wasn't infidelity.

There is, Yeah, I would say, truly, you're right in separating yourself from the situation for both you and your son. That is absolutely supported. You know, husbands are called to live with their lives in an understanding way, to regard them as the weaker vessel, meaning there to be their protectors, not the one that brings them harm. And so in that circumstance, any husband that is abusive in any way, shape or form is in violation of what they've been

called to do. To love their bride like Christ loves the church like that's a clear violation it does. You know, there are definitely passages that talk about grounds for divorce, and there's even theological positions and theologians that talk about there's no grounds for divorce, and that the passages within Matthew that kind of give grounds for divorce are no grounds at all. And so without going into that level of theological controversy, there's certainly a wise step that you've taken.

And it is God's heart that nobody divorces anybody who's been married his desire because of what marriage means and how it represents him and his church. That's never his desire. However, we live in a fallen and broken world, and so there are going to be times where the marriage is fractured and is broken, but know this, it is never his desire. Yeah, that a marriage not work. He also never desires anyone to be lost. He wants he desires all to be saved. He desires there never to be murder.

But we know that not everyone's saved. We know that there is murder, We know that there is divorce, and he calls it. He Paul talks about this in the New Testament. For those that are for women that become Christians and are with unbelieving husbands. He does not tell them to divorce their unbelieving husbands, but he says to live with them in an understanding way and to serve them and to love them in an effort to possibly win them to the Lord. Now, this circumstance is different

because there is this abusive component. You know, so you're not wrong to separate. The question about divorce is a much more difficult question. My encouragement in this situation is to remain soparated. But if if you're willing to engage in counseling, pastoral counseling or professional Christian counseling, do that and see if there's a way that restoration of your marriage can occur. I would say divorce is a last absolute last, last last resort. Is that she's going through

it or she hasn't divorced yet. Seems like she said I left my husband, but they do sound like there's not finalized yet. Yeah, Okay, we're gonna take a break and then I'm gonna be back and I'm gonna I'm gonna stick on this question. Test. I want to I want to talk about something that you might be wrong about, and I'll leave it at that. Thanks, for listening. Everybody sponsor for today's podcast is story Worth This holiday season.

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with ship station. Use my offer code granger to get a sixty day free trial, just enough time to handle the holiday rush. Just go to shipstation dot com, click on the microphone at the top of the page and enter the code granger. Shipstation make ship Happen. Okay, So, Tess, I want to say something here, And the only reason I'm going to say this coming out of this break is I want to go through all of these emails that you guys send with the fine tooth coment. I

want to read. I want to read through what it sounds like you're saying. And so, first of all, I want to I just want to acknowledge that I think you're doing everything right. I think you're right to leave a domestic violence abusive relationship, absolutely, But I want to lean into something you said and wonder if there is something in here that maybe is something you could wrestle

within yourself. When you said this, you said we tried counseling, and I just wanted him to admit he had anger issues. He never did and thought the problem was our marriage. We can't always go into problems with one hundred percent

fingers facing the other way, with none facing us. And I'm not saying that you were wrong or he was all right or wrong, And I'm just saying when you're when you're going into counseling as if it's all him, even it might be, but you're going into counseling like it is all his problem and you just need him to admit that he's wrong. You're not going to get a positive result out of that. You're never gonna get He's not gonna go, Okay, you're right, babe, you were

right all along. I admit it. I have anger issues, like that's not gonna He's just not gonna do that unless you go into the counseling and go, babe, I got I have things I have to work on too, And I want you to know that I love you, and I decided to love you a long time ago, and that's why we got married. And that's why we

had a child together. And although I'm not happy with the way that this is turning out right now, I want you to know that I'm also working on myself as well, and see if that kind of humility not back in down to him not not admitting that he's right about any kind of abuse. But if you just approach with a humility into counseling, of wonder if that changes anything. Yeah, I mean the passagen I think it's First Corinthians seven where it talks about unbelieving wives, you know,

staying with or believing wives with unbelieving husbands. The idea is that they would remain with their husbands in a in a humble with a humble heart, right, And so this idea of humility God uses that it's transformative when when that happens, and so there is something to be said. Now again we're not saying, hey, go and just you know, engage in a relationship and just go into this abusive situation again, be wise, and but don't give up on

the marriage. That's what I would say, that fight for the marriage because God's desires that your marriage would display, you know, Christ's love to a watching world and to see restoration and that would be my heart. Again, not having met you don't know many details about the situation, but divorce is absolutely a last resort and so protect you and your son. But as Granger said, see counseling and ask the Lord for a heart of humility as you engage in that counseling and see if there's work

that he wants to do in you. Yeah, and he might do that in you and through you to your husband. God is fully capable of changing the heart of your husband. Absolutely. Absolutely. A quick answer to what I thank you, what you really wanted us to say is are these pastors wrong by telling you you have no grounds for leaving him? Yes, they're wrong. You're wrong about that. You absolutely you're domestically abused.

You absolutely have grounds for leaving for protection. So there is that, but that's not that's not the whole story here, right, So yeah, And it's the difference between leaving or separating versus divorce. There's all kinds of theological discussion that can

happen around that. Absolutely, and you picked the easy one on that last one that I get so many emails for you now, and I told you this before we started that I literally have to just file them away and I'm never going to get to all of them. But so I'm wondering do we keep doing these Pastor Chad emails? Because here's another one. Okay, so it's four Pastor Chad High Granger and Pastor Chad is church really important?

My name is Zach. I'm nineteen years old. Growing up, I was always told that going to services is important, but I couldn't really understand why. And recently I found that I connected to God much better when I prayed to Him on my own rather than praying together with the congregation. I love your music, Ranger. I was just hit your show and war in Ohio had an amazing time. You really made me feel like I was very special. Okay,

so this comes from Zach nineteen. This is a simple answer, really, and Zach, yes, it's important, it's important, but it's not the first step. It's not the first Going to church is not your first step. And so if you're looking at it like do I need to go to church to get closer to God? The answers no. That answers always know. In fact, we had a discussion before this podcast about other religions that would think that Yeah, that was you. You do things to get closer to God.

You pray, you repent, you go to church, You help old ladies across the street more and more and more and more, and you get closer to God. That's not Christianity. So the reason I say it in that way, will going to church help me? No, going to Jesus will help you. And going to Jesus and falling madly in love with Him as your Lord and savior. If you do that, you're gonna want to go to church badly. Sunday morning's gonna roll around and you're gonna wake up

and you go church day. I can't wait to get with fellow believers to share that, to share in the same ideas that I have, and then we could wrestle with the same theological things and we could we could pray together for our city and for our town and for our families, and I can get just a big old jump shot into the week. That's what That's where you want to be. But you can't do it in reverse. You can't say I want to I don't really want to go to church to get closer to God. I'm

fine just praying on my own. Yeah, talk to it. Yeah, yeah, I mean, I echo what Granger says. It is not necessary to know the Lord by going to church. You can certainly obviously have an individual walk with the Lord. And as you said, you experience a closeness to God on your own. And when you pray by yourself, you feel more connected to the Lord than when you pray

with other people at try. So, yes, it is possible. However, God designed this whole thing to be done in community, that you were not never meant to be alone as you walk with Him. It was you think about all of the times in the New Testament where He commands them to one another, love one another, serve one another. You think of the fruits of the spirit. They all require somebody else. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodnes, faithfulness,

and gentleness and self control. These are the things that we do in the context of a community. We experience the fruit of the spirit, and there are gifts of the Spirit that are given to believers in order to serve one another as the whole body. So do you need the church, Yes, but also no, like you don't

need the church in order to connect with God. However, God has designed you to be a part of the Church, and so attending service on a Sunday morning is one thing, but being a part of a local body is absolutely necessary because that's what God intends for you. That you won't experience the fullness of what God has for you

in isolation. It's intended to be experienced in the body of Christ, with all members using their gifts to serve one another and to draw out a greater understanding of who He is, and also so a watching world sees just what he's like. The Church is the bride of Christ. To reject the church is to reject the bride of the Lord. So to speak to that, So, Zach, what Chad saying is if you said, you say, I like you Granger, I like you as a human, but I

just don't like Amber at all. Right, that's what you're saying, because if the Church is the bride of Christ, then you're saying, I like Granger, but I don't like Amber. And you're telling me you hate me in a way like you don't really like me. If you don't like my bride, you don't like my music enough. If you say, I just like listening to his music at home, but

I have no desire to see him in concert. Yeah, that says more about how much you like my music, because if you really loved it, if you really loved my music, you'd say, I gotta go see him in the concert. I gotta save up my money, I gotta get on a plane, I gotta get it in my truck. I gotta go see him, no matter what it takes. That's going to show the level of your love for my music, the same as it's going to show your level of love for God. If you go Sunday's here,

I gotta find a church. Hey this If this has something to do with you not liking your church, there's plenty of other ones. Yeah, give me an email. I'll help you find one. God. What is your email? You can email take and read podcast at gmail dot com and I'll respond to you. There's a buddy or a pastor friend of mine uses the analogy that you know. The way that Christians talk about church is interesting in that we talk about it as a location or a destination,

something we go to. But if you talk to somebody who's been in a gang, they don't talk about gang in the same way that we talk about church. They don't say, Hey, what'd you think of gang yesterday that was really fun, or hey are you going to gang tonight? Or man, gang really made me feel like, you know, empowered, or just man, what a powerful time at gang this morning. No, we don't. They don't talk. They are the gang, they're a part of the gang, but they don't go to gang.

But we talk about going to church because we have we fall into this mindset of it's a location that I go to, not an identity that we are. We are the church where two or more are gathered in his name, He is there, so Granger, he's here right because two or more are gathered. So what I would say, Zach is, don't think of it as going to gang. Realize that you are a part of the church, and so what you experience in your personal time and an isolation, great,

but that's meant to be shared with other believers. That's meant for you to share and pass along with other people. And yes, it can happen on a Sunday morning as everyone gathers at that big building, but that building is not the church. You're the church and you're a part of it. So you got to be a part of it. So good, let's go to let's see that this one came in. Oh, we're just going to dive in. It's too late. Like once I pull it up and start reading, it's too late. I can't bail on it. This came

in yesterday. It says, Hey, Grangeer, love your podcast. I'm an avid listener. To get to my point, my fiance a few weeks ago decided to tell me that she wasn't happy anymore. We have an eighteen month old son together, and he is my world. I love watching him learn and grow every day. But because of the breakup, I had to move out of the apartment we had together and move back into my parents' house. She is my

favorite person and I loved spending time with her. I love doing everything with her, from laying around on lazy Sunday weekends lazy weekends, to trying new restaurants to go into the same park we've been to one hundred times. I feel lost and broken. I feel empty inside. I don't know what to do with myself. I have no want to get up and go to work or do anything. The only reason I do so is for my son, so that I have the means to take care of him.

I just don't know what to do with myself. I've lost my person and I don't know how to go on. Thanks in advance for your time. I appreciate you taking the time to read this and respond. Regards Jay Matthews. This is the one that has the phone number on oh I should we call him right now? Jay, I'm sorry, buddy, great question, and I guess before we dive into it, I just want to say I acknowledge your pain and and the hurt. It's real and and I know this

is very common in your story. As we've gone through this podcast over so many episodes, we've seen this story repeat itself. And we'll dig into to what to do or what we think you could do going forward, and we could dig into your feelings. But I just I want to say to everyone listening right off the bat, and this is Jay. This is not brother. Please hear me, Please hear me. This is not a knock on you

or your life or your upbringing. But I want to say that the reason God commands in the Bible to save sex before marriage and to covet relationships in marriage and not before, and to not live together in that sense, all because of all the sexual tension. But and he says it, it's not to make our lives bad, or to to hurt us, or to make us, you know, to make us prudes, or in any way to grade us. He does it because he's protecting us from your story

from unfolding, because he knows. He knows, because because he created us in his image, he knows through that creation, how we're going to find peace and joy and happiness and love, and how we're going to prosper. And so he builds this this perfect scenario that we could follow that if we do, we're gonna we're gonna see the fruits of it. And if we don't, we're gonna feel this pain that you're talking about. That's a real pain. And once again, this is not a knock on you.

This is just I want to use this as an example to everyone listening of the perfect scenario of the storm hits at the right time. If you if you don't have it ready and lined up biblically, yeah, it's the it's the unfortunate and painful fruit of doing things our own way and veering from God's perfect design. And so again, Jay, we're not trying to throw you under the bus. Here, but your pain is real. And I'm sure anyone listening to this is going, man, that that

sounds terrible. It sounds painful. That's a rough situation for your son, for you and even your fiance. And and you know, I'm grateful to hear you're able to be back with your parents, that there's a network of support around you. I don't know if you're a praying man or not, but I would begin wearing out. I'd have callouses on my knees, praying for my fiance, praying for restoration, and asking the Lord to do a work in you

that needs to happen in order for that restoration to occur. Again, we've talked about it earlier on this podcast that when it comes to relationships, we often just want the other person to get fixed, but we were not quick to look at our own situation and find out where we need to get right and where we need to get

things in order. So again, Jay, challenging and prayer, I would say, is a great next step, and continue to lean into that network to support your parents, friends, other people around you, because there's nothing that hurts like a broken heart, and it sounds like that's what you got and man, we feel you. That's tough. She might not come back. Jay, she might not, and probably the odds are against her coming back to if she just decides she's not happy. I'm assuming you guys are pretty young.

If you're moving back to your parents' house, you have an eighteen month old son together, this is your first fiance. I'm assuming all this equals you're pretty young. There's good news. Jesus came to save sinners. I am one of them, Chad is one of them. Neither one of us are better than you in any way. We're just we're speaking from what we've read in the Bible and from quite frankly the world that we've lived in for so long now.

And I could tell you that there is hope for you, that there is restoration for you, that there is a new relationship in your future, someone that will accept this son of yours and as adopted son into their life, and then you could start over with her, and we would be praying that that would come from a responsible relationship that turns into a marriage that's not a drawn out, you know, three year engagement or crazy dating cycle that you go through, but this ends up in a quick marriage.

That's a decision that you have made, that you're going to make a commitment to someone, and that you have learned from this and been able to take that and grow from it. You know that these trials, it's like when fire refines silver and gold and it makes it more pure and it makes it moldable. But it takes that heat. It takes the trial that's suffering the bad situation to refine the silver and the gold to make it more pure and to make it better than it

was before. And right now you're in the fire. It hurts, it looks like there's no way out. But the backside of this is this refined version of yourself. And so we hope that you learn from that, that refining, that you learn and you go, you know what, I'm protecting myself. I'm a better person now. I'm refined. I've learned a lot. I heard Granger and Chat on this podcast, and I'm not going to put myself in this kind of situation. And I'm not going to play house with the next girl.

I'm not going to sit around on lazy weekends and go to the park and go to trying new restaurants unless this is my wife. Because If I don't, I'm vulnerable. My fourth field is down. You know, I'm the death Star's force field is down, and Luke Skywalker's coming in with his missiles, right Like, dude, you got to get that force field up. And that is that is with a responsible marriage, and this is in your future if

if you believe this. If not, this could be a pattern where this happens again and God forbid another child with another girl that decides she's not happy anymore, and it's this never ending cycle. The decision is up to you right now. Yeah, the assumption right now is that she's the one, and that's all you can see right now.

And I think what Granger is doing a great job of is helping you see that maybe she's not the best pairing for you, Maybe she's not the one, And because of the scenario, you're prone to think that, no,

I've got to make this work. And you're not married yet, you were engaged, and maybe it's a good thing that she's separated, and it gives you a chance to kind of get some things in order and get a perspective that you need in order to really lean into the right relationship you need to have with whoever that is in the future. So I think that's a good word. Granger. Well, thank you Jay for the email, buddy, and please keep us updated on this no matter how long it takes.

I'd love to hear back from you. Golly, these emails, guys, these emails. I'm gonna We're gonna hit one more. And this is the one that popped up. It's it's subject is married life. Hey, Granger. I've been married for almost eight years and my husband. I've been with my husband for eleven. We have two kids together, and I have one from my previous relationship. My husband is controlling and degrading me all all caps all the time. I love him. I don't want our marriage to end, but I can't

handle the degrading any longer. What do I do? Thanks for listening. This is Alisha in Napoleon, Idaho. Excuse me, I Ohio. I can't read Napoleon, Ohio. So, man, we just got some marriage ones to just get. We just get. Sometimes on these questions, I feel like I'm getting drugg behind a pickup truck in the dirt. Literally, you guys, I'm so sorry. Alisha married eight years, been with your husband for eleven, two kids together, and one from a

previous relationship. So so Jay, you're hearing this, Jay, like this is Jay, this is the pattern that it could turn into, Like there's the there's the kid from the previous relationship, and then you jump into another one kind of mindlessly. Maybe it's a rebound. Maybe you're just you're you're at a bar and it's like, well, this is the next best option, and I need a I need a mother for my son, you know, and you jump into it, and then fast forward to eight years down

the road and here you are again with Alisha. I'm so sorry, Alicia, you have a husband that's degrading and controlling. We'll call this one the marriage podcast today. Yeah, there's a lot of that. And when I've been on here in the past and we've had questions similar or scenarios, similar relationship questions that seems to come down a lot to communication. Right that there is you're wondering what to do.

You don't want you don't want your marriage to end, but you don't want it to stay the way it is, and so something's got to give. And I don't know how you've been trying to communicate this. I'm guessing it's not working. If you have. If you haven't, then you need to explore a way. You know your husband. You've

been with this guy for eleven years. You know him, you know how he best receives information, you know how he you know the scenario that's best to approach him with something that might be challenging and difficult, and you know, no one likes to hear that you've you've been controlling or something like that. So you've got to figure out

what's the best way to approach him. But you've got to communicate that this is how you feel and that neither of you probably enjoy the scenarios where he, you know, he's acting like that or treating you like that. No one likes that. So you've got to find a way to communicate with him about that. And atleasa the way to not communicate it is to go to him and say, hey, you control and degrade me. And it's either either you got to stop it or this marriage is done, because

that's not gonna work. No, it's never gonna work. You have to humble yourself so many times. I mean, we have to humble ourselves before God in first in the first place, it starts there, and then we also have to humble ourselves to other humans around us. We really

just do. We we have to put the ego aside Alicia, not saying that you have an ego problem at all, but you're going to have to really pull back and humble yourself to your husband, and then what we hope in return is that you'll get that You'll get that in return from him. And I'm not talking about ladies. I'm not talking about back and down or accepting abuse or being submissive in an abusive relationship. Not saying that.

It's not what I mean by humbling yourself. I just mean, come, come, start the conversation from an equal footing where it's like, Hey, I am equally wrong in what's happening. The result of this marriage is bad, and I'm coming from an equally bad place in my life. It's not all you. In fact, I wouldn't say you at all. I would just say I would say I love you. I don't want this marriage to end, and I want to do anything I can to help fix it and to be a better

wife to you. How could I be a better wife to you? And maybe you're gonna uncover some stuff that you didn't even know was there. Maybe it's this and this and this that you're things that you're doing and you didn't know you're doing that's causing this controlling, degrading

attitude for him. I can't say enough times that I'm not telling you to submit to abuse at all, just saying, humble yourself in the situation and show him compassion and love, because so many times in human relationships that you will get that back from him. If you make yourself vulnerable, he will let his guard down, his force field, he'll let it down, Yeah, and be vulnerable back to you. Then you could actually, you guys could have a conversation. Yeah.

And there's certainly probably a culture in the home that

this does for the kids involved. And so no, dad wants a culture in his home that is, you know, people are despairing or feel oppressed or yeah, I are scared of or just don't want to be around, and so find find that way as you humble yourself, I think to just explore, you know, what he wants in in the nature of your marriage and and what what he ultimately envisions for the culture of your home, and and see if there are ways that you know you

could take steps in that. Chad and I will both say and we don't have to say it with every question, but I promise you we think it with every question, but we would we would both tell you run to your church, Run to the local church, find you a good one, get connected there, and pour out your problems to to a small group or two people around you that you could trust and and and let them pour into you with with advice, and with with counseling, and and with with ideas that to your husband in you

don't have to bring him in the first time. You could just go by yourself. Just show up at the doorstep one day. Yeah, just say my name is Alicia, I'm in a bad relationship. I need help. I love this man. And bottom line with all this is you can't do it at home by yourself alone. You need to need to involve him. You need to involve wise counsel You need to run to the church. Amen. That's all the time we have. We've we've burned through another podcast that was fun, that was so fun, That was

hard stuff. Though I know my heart, man, my heart is for you guys, and through these emails and that you trust me with your questions. Thank you for that. Chad and I both just love you for that. You can find more of Chad on the Take and Read podcast on any app or YouTube. You could also email him at Take and Read Podcast at gmail dot com and we'll see you next Monday. Love you guys, Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. Appreciate all of you. Guys.

You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that little like button and the notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a question for me that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Yi