Whether it's December twenty fourth or fifth, or December twenty sixth, or New Year's Eve or New Year's morning, the sun will rise all right back on the podcast. Welcome everybody, favorite guest.
Ever you say that to everybody?
I don't have any guests on here? Can you tell my voices bad?
I kind of like it.
It's on the It's on the way back up. Yesterday, I've been hitting it hard doing a lot of radio, and on top of that, I got into all this allergy stuff as I was traveling to wherever I was, Florida and then Kentucky. And as I'm traveling and doing more and more radio, my voice was just like declining. And so I was trying to load up all these Chrismus after midnights and I was like, oh good, after midnight.
I was like, Jeed, gummit, welcome after dad, gomm stop it rewind it, welcome to after midnight.
I'm bring dude. It was. It was crushing me, but I got it. I got it.
And and now what you hear now is on the it's on It's on the way up.
You were saying yesterday how you were coughing a lot, and in all the years that we've been married, and all your years of touring and doing music, you like, never coughed. He would purposely make himself not cough. I don't know how he did it, but you would do all these kinds of tricks to make yourself not cough because you didn't want it to mess up your voice.
So, yeah, it's interesting because I don't care as much about my voice. I preached twice this week, and uh, the first time I preached, you know, I didn't have much of a voice at all, but it was fine. I get to still get the point across. I couldn't sing. Yeah, So thankfully I don't have to worry about that anymore. Yeah, we answer your questions on this podcast.
That's what we do.
And I have a limited number of guests each week, and this is my favorite one, my wife Amber. If you want your question answered, email Granger at Excuse Me podcast at grangersmith dot com. Not only is my voice going out, but so is my brain podcast at grangersmith dot com.
You're not busy or anything. You don't have a lot on your plate at all.
I have so much on my plate, but I love it all. No, I know you do I love it.
That's why we have to give you grace for your brain not working one hundred percent all the time.
Yeah.
I think the messages went well this week too, even though my brain was it's not great. I think I think the messages, I think they went.
Well over well.
I can't wait to see them. I always read them. He always sends them to me to read. But a lot of the times I can't be there in person with you, so I can't. I always like to wait and watch the videos whenever they come out.
Yeah, let's go.
First question comes from Olivia. It says, Hey, Granger, just wanted to start off by saying that I really love your podcast and your music. You really inspire me with everything that you've ever done. I'm seventeen, I'm a Mennonite girl, and I'm very curious what you think about the head covering in one Corinthians eleven, which says, but every woman that prayeth orphthought, prophesiath with her head uncovered, dishonor dishonorreth her head reading the King James.
I have grown up.
In a Minnite church, and I was always taught modesty and headcovering. Some people think that Anabaptists are very legalistic, but most of the people around me are strong Christians and they want to follow the Bible with all their heart. I'm a firm believer, and I hope that you don't think I'm basing my faith on these things.
But I want to serve the Lord fully.
I know that modesty is something that's very important, but I'm questioning how important the head covering is. What are your thoughts on this. I'm so glad you emailed, Olivia. I love our men, and I questions and Marv, if you're listening, I'm sending you. I'm sending you this one.
Buddy.
Marv is a Marv is a dear, dear brother, and we talk. I mean, Marv, what do you say he listens to this podcast. We talk every other day. I mean we talk quite a bit. He is wise counsel for me. He is a friend to me. He's someone I can message to grab a prayer request from. And he's also a Mennonite pastor in South Carolina.
You met Marv?
Yes, yeah, great family, and so because of my lack of understanding of the Mennonite culture, I typically I'll.
Consult Marv on this stuff. All the time.
Marvel also knows a lot about the Amish, and so Marvis is is a reborn Christian brother also pastor, and he also has a cultivated love for the heritage of.
The Mennonite people.
So it's what I'm saying is he didn't like leave the Midnite church and become a pastor somewhere else. He's still a Mennonite pastor, but his eyes are open. And I can't say enough how much I love this guy.
Actually met him, you know, I met him. I met him through this podcast.
He emailed the podcast, and I emailed him back, and we became friends. His question was meant way off topic here. His question to me was something like, what are you gonna do with Earl Dibbles Junior? Now that you're reborn? And there was something about it. People ask that kind of thing all the time, but there was something about this particular time. I was drawn to his words. I was drawn to the email. Not that he said anything
profound about that, but I was drawn to it. And I just replied, and then he replied, and I've replied, Then he replied. Then I gave him my number. Then he called me, and then we talked for a long time and then we just became friends. Yeah, so Amber, your thoughts. I know that you've studied this, and you have a lot of thoughts on first Corintheen's eleven have I I mean, I'm sure you have more than me.
I mean, I kind of have got this question a lot too, but I have never I have never answered it because I feel like I have more study to do. I know that there were some things that were you would do back in the culture. I do believe in modesty. I believe that you know, of course, we're called to be modest as Christians, and I've in my walk with the Lord, I've changed certain things about my dress and
certain things that I put out there. As far as the head covering goes, I think it was R. C. Sprull who said he's like one of the only ones of the pastors that we kind of study who says he still believes that women should have head coverings. I believe it's him. We'll have to have to fact check me on this, but I mean, obviously, in today's culture, nobody none of the women cover their heads, really are There are there specific denominations who still do.
I feel like the Amish in the mid night.
Okay, I feel like I still have to do more study of Andecostals to Okay, I feel like I still need to do more study on this. Yes, I don't know if this is one of those things that was in the culture then and doesn't apply now.
What's happening here is this is a beautiful thing because ant Man is now producing the podcast, so now he puts these questions in.
Yeah, so it's like.
Hey, question number one, deal with this, you know, that's that's kind of what he's doing. And so let look, I think what both of us, both of us are saying Olivia, is something that's very important for a Christian to put in their arsenal.
I don't know.
Yeah, here's what I do know. Though what I do know is more important than what I don't know when it comes to the gospel, because what I do know is this is not a matter of salvation.
This is this is.
Not a matter of you earning any extra favor with God. It is a matter of obedience, and we want to be We desire to be as obedient as possible. I think I walk through this in similar occasions on this podcast, with things like alcohol, someone that's like, hey, man, I don't I think I should cut out drinking. And I know it's not a sin to actually take a sip of alcohol, it's a sin to get drunk. But now I'm thinking, and I'm like, hey, that that is your
I think that's a good view of your sanctification. Me and Amber both I'm a seminarian at Southern Baptist and I can't drink.
People ask me that.
They say, hey, now that you're at Southern, you're enrolled at Southern, and you can't drink. Is that offensive to you? Do you think that's legalistic?
I kind of like that question. I'm like, no, I don't.
I think it's I think it's responsible. I think it's responsible for Southern to require that of their students. And they're not saying it's biblical that you have to and they're not saying that this is your salvation depends on it. They're saying, hey, if you want to be as obedient as possible and stay away from any kind of temptation, then we highly encourage, in fact require you.
To not drink.
I think that's a good way to test yourself.
And so, so, Olivia, here's a couple things here's a couple more things. If you feel, if you feel the pool the which is sanctification, if you feel the need to cover your head because of the conviction, because of First Grinthians eleven, then I would.
Say do it.
The second thing is but but don't do it as a it's an obligation. Do it instead as an offering. And then here's the other thing. Paul's going to talk about how he will be like others so that he could win them. Perhaps, so you're in a Mennonite church where a lot of girls are covering their head, I don't think it would be wise for you to walk in one day without a head covering and go. You know, I just don't think I think that's a little legalistic.
I think that can.
Cause unnecessary disruption. I think it's a healthy conversation outside the church building. But on a Sunday morning, I don't think that. I don't think that helps anybody with anything. I think it's a great conversation to have with girls later about hey, you know, this is not dependent on salvation. Depend Salvation is not dependent upon this. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. With a lot of different denominations in what they require, what they need.
I love that you said that it's okay for us, as we're growing in our sanctification and growing in our wisdom and knowledge of the scriptures, to say that we don't know because we're still searching, we're still learning, and there are a couple there are a few things obviously that we don't know and we might need to seek wise counsel about that. So I would just encourage her to seek more wise counsel and just do more study.
Yeah, I don't know, and no one really does. No one knows this issue on one Corinthians eleven, So let's kick it around. It's a great discussion, and I'm really glad you asked it.
It's another one.
This comes from Blake. Hey Grainger, my name's Blake. I'm eighteen from California, and I love your podcast.
My question is.
How do I, or how should I improve my relationship with my mom. My parents have been divorced for sixteen years. Three years ago, my mom met a new guy. She ended up marrying him after a few months and moving us while I was in high school for no reason other than because this new guy wanted to move near the beach. This along with him yelling at me, constantly
accusing me of things I haven't done. Making my mom an alcoholic and constantly crossing the line has caused me to build up resentments against my mom for allowing these things to happen. Given that my dad was an alcoholic and had a DUI, it's hard to see my mom go through similar battles because of her new husband. Prior to this guy, she drank once or twice a month.
Any suggestions on how to deal with these resentments? Or am I just wasting my time due to her actions telling me that she doesn't prioritize her relationship with me?
Thanks Blake, he's eighteen eighteen.
Did he say at the very end there that she tells him she's not prioritizing a relationship.
Any suggestions on how to deal with these resentments? Or am I just wasting my time due to her actions? Telling her actions?
Telling me?
Okay, so his question is how do I build or improve my relationship with my mom?
I'm going to say the first thing to do is don't give up on praying. And I mean, you are technically an adult now and you can't control what your mom does, but you can control your response to it, and I would continue to pray, and just you know, the Bible tells us to put away anger and resentment and all those things, and that's hard to do in our flesh, so we cannot do that apart from the Holy Spirit. So first I would say, develop your relationship
with the Lord and continue to pray. But then also just go to her honestly and just say you're worried about her, and you love her and you want to see her in a good place, and you don't want to see her, you know, in pain or sick or drinking all the time. It's a hard situation to be in because you do care about your mom, but she's also you know, she probably thinks, well, I've raised my son, now it's time for me to have my life with this new husband or boyfriend or it's tricky. It's tricky.
I would just be in constant prayer. In constant prayer. You have to do that in slow now, bless you.
That's the smith. You know, like.
This if you were fifteen, fourteen, twelve, I'd have probably a different answer at eighteen. If you want to, I'm gonna go buy your question. I'm gonna dissect your question, because your question is not how do I heal my mom? How do I help my mom? How do I tell my mom that this guy's bad for her? That's not your question. Your question is how should I improve my relationship with my mom? And so I'm going to just go with that. I'm gonna go with your question and
not try to dig any deeper. I think that's fair enough. You want to improve your relationship with your mom, lover, forgive her, give her grace. See from her perspective, she has fallen twice now for an alcoholic. It's easy to see why she's drinking more because she's around an alcoholic.
He's an alcoholic, right, this guy, Yeah, it's.
Easy to It's like it's easy to become a smoker when you live in with a smoker. So that's understandable. So see that from her perspective, See that she is probably hurting through all this. She probably misses you, loves you. My suggestion to improve the relationship is to love her,
have grace for her, forgive her. And it doesn't mean you need to trust her or trust this new guy, or it doesn't mean you have to be happy that she moved, because those are real feelings that you're really experiencing. So instead tell her, Mom, I love you. I genuinely want what's best for you. You know, I don't particularly care for this new guy, but I do want you to be happy, and I want to be someone you can come to to get advice, someone you could you
could lean on. You could trust me, Mom, because I love you and I always will regardless of what you do, regardless of what you do with this guy. I love you and I genuinely want the best for you.
And also I forgive you.
I know that I've been grumpy, I've been sharp and mean lately telling you my opinions about moving and telling you what I think about this new guy, and I don't ever want to hurt you, and I just want to say I'm sorry and I forgive you. That's a really good place to start to improve a relationship you. You got all kinds of green grass to run in after that, but you start with that, with that stance of humility, I think you're gonna be in a much
better place to build something positive with your mom. Next question comes from anonymous and it says, Hey, Granger, I lost my husband and recently started dating I've been on a few dates, and each of them expected to sleep with me. On the first date. I was in shock. One of them even said, come on, we.
Are adults here, we could do what we.
Want, which I didn't disagree on this point. I said, exactly, and I am not sleeping with you now and probably never. But I didn't want to sleep with a man that I barely knew, needless to say, he was history.
Recently, I met a man that I may end up wanting to sleep with.
I care about him enough to start a serious relationship with. Does the Bible speak about a widow and sex? This man respects my decision to wait until I'm ready. I'm after a serious relationship. I do not plan to just go on a date from now on. Tell me whether the Bible speaks on this or not? And what are your thoughts on this? And your wife too? Oh you happen to be here in Christian love? Anonymous? All right, Anonymous, let's dig in this is This is very, very, very easy,
and it doesn't make it a bad question. It's a great question. I'm glad you asked, but it's very easy. The answer is no, You're not going to be condoned, whether a widow or whether you're just single outside of marriage to be in a sexual relationship.
What do I say after that? I wonder, I wonder if you are a Christian? Yeah, I do.
It's hard for me to take this out of context and think and just assume that you are a Christian or that maybe you're a cultural Christian and you're just kind of going by the book, like, Hey, what boxes do I need to check? I'm a Christian because that's the way I grew up. What boxes am I checking again?
Granger? Will you remind me what the Bible says?
When in fact I would so encourage you to see for yourself.
Yeah, to go and see.
And this is probably a good time for me to tell you the gospel because, and maybe this goes with the head covering conversation as well, that all of us are sinners. We have all fallen short of the glory of God. Our own conscience testifies to that that we have messed up, that we have fallen short in all different ways, all of us in different ways. But all of us are rebels, enemies of God, really a perfect holy God. We have turned our back on him. We have gone our own way.
We've said.
You know what, I'm going to decide what I do, and I might go check and see what that old Bible says, or may ask this podcast, But really, in general, I'm going to do what I want because you know why, like the email says, because I'm an adult and I do what I want, not what some God tells me to do. Granger, that's not what you said, but that's the implication. God knowing this, knowing that everyone had rebelled
against him, all all of us have fallen short. There is no one good, no, not even one, thus says the Bible, as if I was Billy Graham. Knowing this, God enters his own creation as a man living the perfect life, fulfilling the law perfectly, whether it's a head covering, or whether it's alcohol, or whether it's premarital or widow sex, all of the law. He fulfilled it perfectly, sinless, perfection in a way that no one that's ever walked on this earth ever has. And you know what we did
when we knew that, we killed him for it. I say we talking about humanity. He went to the cross, as predestined, as perfectly planned, so that upon that cross he took on the sin, the punishment that we deserved as sinners, to be in the presence of a holy God. To be reconciled and brought to God, the Bible says, would require perfection. We didn't have it. Someone's got to
get punished for that. Jesus took on that pun himself and says, anyone that turns from themselves, that turns away from this sin, turns to me.
Will have eternal life.
Three days later, he was raised from the grid from the grave, proving his divinity, proving that the sacrifice that.
He gave to God was worthy.
Anyone that believes that looks to him, turns from their old self and turns to him will be saved.
Through that salvation.
You start feeling the sanctification, and you're gonna start feeling some things. You're gonna have a craving to read God's word, You're gonna have a craving to be around God's people, and you're gonna have a craving to walk in obedience, which could mean a head covering, it could mean staying away from alcohol. Like the last email or this one, I'm gonna not have sex until I'm married.
I agree, I don't think I need to add any more to that.
Next question comes from Anna, Hey, Grander, love your podcast and that you're unashamed of the gospel, and I just want to thank you and ever for helping me grow closer to Jesus. I to quickly respond to that, I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God into salvation. Second paragraph here says I'd also known and liked your music, but I stumbled across your channel in May of twenty twenty one, and now I watch Dismiss all the time and rise with Hamber.
I know that God brought me to your channel to bring me closer to Him because of what I'm going through now. I lost my uncle in December of twenty two to a sudden heart attack. I'm still in shock and my family is hurting so much. I just can't believe he's gone. On top of this, I'm single and I've never felt more alone in my life. I'm reading my Bible every day and praying, but I still feel stuck. Do you have any suggestions on how to get through this?
Thanks so much, Annah, I'll let you go with this.
Did she say how long?
As she said December twenty two, so it's been a year.
I think everything that you're feeling is okay, and there's no real timeline of grief. Now, you don't want to pitch a tent and stay there. You know you're saying that you're feeling stuck. I think it's natural and normal to feel alone and scared and angry and full of sadness and grief for somebody that you love. And I pray that he was a Christian. I pray that he is with the Lord now, and when we are in Christ we go from life to life. There is there
is no death. And I think you're doing everything that you need to be doing by reading your word, continually praying, and just be patient and know that God is working even when you don't feel it, and even when you don't see it. Just because you don't feel him doesn't mean that that he's not there, that he's not moving, that he's not working. So don't be so hard on yourself. Give yourself grace.
Now.
It's like you said, if this was five years from now or ten years from now, I would say something different. But this is still really fresh and everyone is still
hurting and still grieving. So I would just tell you to continue to I don't know if you're plugged into a local church, but if you're feeling lonely, I would say to get plugged into a local church and have the body of believers surround you and walk with you through this grief and just continue to be in your word, like you say that you're doing right now.
I don't think I have anything to add to that as well.
Does she ask any other questions or just she feels stuck.
She feels stuck, and like you said, it's very normal. Yeah, I hear you. The thing I'll tell you too, Anna, is that it's been one year now. You should see in this year two a significant improvement. Yeah, Because what's part of what's making this tough is your family. Your family's hurting so much, and so when you start to your spirits starting to lift a little bit, you're starting to feel a little bit better, and then you go to your aunt's house and everyone's crying.
It's like.
It reminds you of the reality that you're in. That we live in a fallen world where there is death and mortality very evident to us. And so I think that's part of what's going on is it's not just you because you said, I'm in shock and my family is hurting so much.
I just can't believe he's gone.
And there's also gonna be a lot more of this coming up in your life, not just your uncle, It's coming to everyone. You're doing the right things, You're seeking the right counsel. But that use this also as a it's a good magnifier that there is an end on this earth for everyone. What are you gonna do with that? What are you gonna do with the time you have now? Who are you gonna tell the gospel to now before their time is up, before a sudden heart attack hits like it did my dad.
Yeah, and think about the time that we're coming into, you know, the Christmas season, the Advent season. This is the perfect time. You just shared the gospel like this is what God came to do, was to save us and to bring us into right relationship with Him and for us to someday be on the new Heaven and the new Earth. This gives us hope. You can grieve with hope. If you're in your Bible, you should be able to be grieving with hope. And I would say
it looks it's going to be a year. I guess right now at December to December, I would say, go out and do something special in remembrance of him on that day. That's what we try to do for River or Granger's dad, is just to remember them in a special way and go do something for somebody else. When you take the focus off of yourself and go help somebody else, it helps to give you purpose through that pain.
That's great.
Best question comes from Jay and it says, hey, Grangdeer recently discovered your podcast and your music and has changed my life. I'm seventeen, my name is Jay. Just wanted us to get your opinion on tattoos. I know you have some, but my dad thinks that it mars your body and God created in a specific way and to change it permanently is against his will.
I want you.
I want to get one myself when I turn of age. But what about tattoos of God or Christ? If they show someone's love for God? If they show someone's love for God, is it bad to have Any thoughts on this would be much appreciated. Also, could you tell me what the meaning of the barbarier tattoo on your arm? And why you say you say us all the way around. Thanks love you man and everything you're doing.
Thank you Jay.
The first thing is that barboarer tattoos fake. It's from a sharpie.
We used to draw it on before every show, and now you just kind of you just didn't care anymore.
It's part of the it's part of the humor of Earl when we first created him that he would that It's like, there's a you think of getting a barbarer two tattoo would hurt because it goes kind of under the armpit, goes all the way around, and so there would be guys according to Earl. In my mind, Earle would think that maybe a city boy would get a tattoo of a barbed wire, but he would stop right
under the armpit where it actually hurt. And so Earle saying, mine goes all the way around, because I don't care about the pain.
Of course it goes all the way around.
It's like Earl is always having an argument with himself to a hypothetical city boy accusation, like does it go all the way around, Earl, even where it hurts in the soft part of your armpit.
Of course it goes all the way around.
You know what I'm doing after midnight, and I'm Earl when I have this voice, it's very difficult.
I'm earld devil's chine. It doesn't do it. It doesn't do it.
Jay, let me jump in on your question here, and Amber could jump in as well. This is interesting. I'm not sure if ant Man put these together on purpose for a little theme. But now we're talking about head coverings, extramarital sex, and now Tatto who's This is the episode of obedience for sure, and obedience versus legalism moralism. So let me dissect your question.
Okay.
The first thing I want to say is your dad thinks that it mars your body, and God created it the body in a specific way, and to change it permanently is against his will.
Half truth.
Yeah, it's interesting God's will as we pray, like Jesus taught us, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven, meaning your will is.
Going to be done.
We pray for it to be done, and we praise you that it will be done. There is nothing changing that. So to say that you change your body is against or going against his will. That's a harsh way of saying it to say, it would be better to say, does it displease him? Marring my does marring my body displease a Holy God? I think that would be a better way to say it. And once again here we go,
similar to head coverings. This is going to be something that you are going to You can go to Leviticus for this, but you're not gonna see much more after that in the New Testament. You're gonna need to stick with your sanctification. You need You're gonna need to stick with what you you are feeling as you are going through your own quiet time. If I was going to give you an opinion, I would say, brother, don't don't get any That would be my what my ask to you.
I wouldn't do it now. If I was going to start all over as a reborn Christian, I wouldn't do it.
Not because of legalism, not because of waralism. But why would I risk that? Why would I risk displeasing God? What are your thoughts?
It's like you said, it's was spoken about in Leviticus and not really in the New Testament, And so back then it was seen, as you know, the pagan kind of people would tattoo their body and mar their body up with their gods, and so it was. It was forbidden, and it's not.
And I'll just jump in to it. In addition to that, the levitical laws, the Mosaic law itself was a separation be holy. They wanted God wanted the Israelites his people to be holy. To better define what that means. It means, be separate. Don't be like the world. We're gonna set you. I want to set you apart. Don't be like them. Don't eat what they eat, don't wear what they wear, don't worship the way they worship. Don't tattoo your bodies like they tattooed their bodies. You are holy just like
I am holy. I want you to be holy. Set apart. And there are certain things that they're doing that mark them, like those men they have long hair, those women that have short hair. There's certain things they're doing that setting it's making them worldly. Don't do those things. We are now outside of that covenant. We are now part of the new covenant. That crisis fulfilled the law, all of it, every dot and iota of it, so we don't look at it as breaking a law. When it comes to
the ceremonial slash civil laws of the time. We do absolutely still respect and keep and live by the moral version of the law, and so keep that in mind when you're thinking about all of the many rules and.
Lividic gets go ahead.
And I don't think getting a tattoo now would be sin. Obviously, if you're putting some sort of sorcery type thing on your body, then yes, But I don't think getting across on your body would be seen as sin. If you're doing something that reminds you of your love for the Lord, I don't think, based on the New Testament, that would be sin. Like Granger said, Jesus came to fulfill the law,
were not held under that law anymore. But I do think if you're wrestling with it and thinking about it and you're not quite at peace about it, just wait, just don't do it yet. I will tell you every tattoo that I've gotten I regret. You know, I wasn't a Christian. They don't mean anything. They're just ridiculous, and they're on my body now unless I get them removed forever. But I also did get across when I got baptized and I got a little lightning bolt for river, and
I don't think that was sin in doing that. I think you should, like Granger said, listen to your own conviction about it. You're going through your own sanctification process. But I don't think like your dad said, it's against God's will. However, I will say, are our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit, and so that could be something that you're wrestling with as well. So listen to your own conviction about that.
Yeah, that's why I wouldn't do it.
Just don't do it. Yeah, if you're if you're not ready, and you're not.
If you decide to do it, don't get it. You said, what about tattoos of God or Christ?
Don't do that. Do not get a tattoo of Christ on.
You like a I think I don't think you meant like a photo of Jesus.
I think he did.
Okay, I was thinking like a cross or something.
Don't do that. That would be breaking a commandment as well. Show today is brought to you, guys by better help with all of these deep topics that we get into. There is always a consideration that therapy can be very helpful.
I've said this many times.
I'm not a therapist, but sometimes the questions I get on this podcast require some kind of therapy in terms of someone professional listening to you, so that you could walk through your issues with someone that's trained and actually educated in order to help direct you towards a path of feeling better. Certainly, when Amber and I went through our most traumatic experience, therapy was very helpful. Now you might be thinking, well, that's good for you, Granger, but
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People always think that Christmas is such a joyful time, and it is because we have what Christ did for us and we look forward, you know, to remembering his birth and what he came to do. And we look forward to his return. But for most it's the most wonderful time of the year, or some other people it's not. They're sad and lonely or grieving.
What do you tell someone that's looking at this holiday season right now and they were missing somebody at their at the dinner table, or maybe they were alone. Actually I can't imagine. There's all kinds of scenarios. Maybe a widow that lost her husband and this is the first Christmas she has a house alone to herself.
How do you speak to that?
I would say, if they're listening to this the next day, I would say, congratulations, you made it through that day, and I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. But the sun rose again, and you know, like the scripture says, weeping may terry for the night, but joy comes in the morning. And I pray that with God's God gives you new morning mercies every single day, and that you can wake up to this new day and know I made it through yesterday,
I did it. I can do it again, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
The movie Castaway Tom Hanks not a Christian movie, but do you remember at the very end when he's talking to Kelly and he's explaining that he almost killed himself on that island after three years. I think the story. I love that movie, and he's talking about it and he was getting ready to give up, and he was like, but.
The sun still rises. And one day the tide brought me a sail. It was a port of body.
And I say that to anyone too, that I think that's beautiful that you said that the sun still rises. And the only way to know that it does is to get up the next morning and open your curtains and make your bed, and brush your teeth and put on some clothes and look out at the sky. And God, you were consistently putting us with a new day. The earth rotated again, and there's the sun so consistent, never misses morning, never misses. Yeah, that sounds so trite, so
stupid almost to say it that way. But if we think about God, one of the most beautiful things about God's creation is the consistency that he put us in. We could rely that tomorrow. We know tomorrow the sun will come up, and there is so much peace.
In that consistency.
Whether it's December twenty fourth or fifth, or December twenty sixth, or New Year's Eve or New Year's morning.
The sun will rise.
Until he commands that it doesn't. He has it in a loop right now. He has earth in a loop until he tells it to stop. That is a crazy thought.
Yeah. And so also to that point, are you right with the Lord? Because it's going to come like a thief in the night when he tells it to stop. So are you right? Are you right with Jesus? Did you listen to the gospel that Granger just shared? Do you know where you're going when that sun doesn't come up again?
Yeah?
And to the to the people that are in a community that are missing someone that maybe this is a really hard holiday season. They maybe they took a vacation from Christmas and left the house and they're off somewhere else right now. And maybe listening to this podcast, Amber and I could both tell you that Christmas will be what it used to be again. You have a tendency sometimes to think, well, not only did I lose my loved one, but I also lost Christmas.
I also lost Thanksgiving.
And because I lost my loved one, now I also don't get to celebrate my favorite holiday, and that now my childhood's gone. So not only did I lose my loved one, but I have erased the joy of my childhood. What now we have a tendency like our brain starts doing weird.
Tricks like that.
Yeah, and then you have to kind of put put our feelings on top of the authority of what we know and go.
No, no, no, no no no.
The sun will rise. Well, we will move forward. We will have a normal Christmas again. We will feel joy on Christmas morning again.
That's a promise.
Yeah, we still have a question left on this episode.
We should ask it from Biff. I love that name. If yes, you know I love back to the future.
Hey, Granger, been listening to the pod for a long time and I really do enjoy what I've heard. So my wife and I are in a hard place in our lives. We've decided to separate and go back to just dating each other to hopefully get back to a happy life with each other. I've put everything in God's hands. I pray about it every day. I'm scared to death my wife is going to want to divorce me in the end. Our pastor has told us we need to talk to other people. My wife is definitely doing that,
but I can't bring myself to it. I love her so much. I'm working on myself, trying to be better for myself and my wife. We've spent the weekend together and I got extremely jealous of her talking to another guy. She says that he's just a friend, and he told me to look at who she chose to spend the weekend with, but Granger, It's hard. I got so jealous when we ended up fighting about it. Some advice is greatly appreciated. Sincerely, A Western a West Texas A West.
Texan named Biff.
Yeah, Biff Man, thank you for emailing. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I see this play out with people often.
You're not alone.
Say that first I see this play out, and where I see the mistakes happening is win, Biff. You cannot hold back your anger? Are your jealousy? Are your obsessiveness? Are your neediness? Not saying you have it, but I'm saying that's where I see this go wrong. From the guy's perspective, I'm sure you've talked to a lot of girls, but when I see this happening to a guy. I
have two or three in my life right now. One of them just kind of divorce and they cannot bring themselves, they cannot humble themselves and squash their pride enough to say stop it, Biff, don't say don't say anything about that guy.
Don't sit that's stupid.
Don't do it. Don't do it. And you did, and you did, and you just tore down another layer of anything that you had built. Two steps back, one step forward. I'm what I'm not saying is it's your fault. I'm not saying she's in the right and you're messing this all up. I'm just saying, from my perspective, pride is a huge enemy in this situation. I also think churches fail couples. A lot of bad churches out there. Not saying you're in a bad church, I'm just saying I think you probably are.
Un must thing you're in a bad church. I'm just saying I think you probably are.
Yes, I'm not saying I'm sure of it. I'm saying I'm pretty sure of it because all I get out of this is our pastor told us we need to talk to other people.
What kind of advice is that? Pastor?
If a church was operating correctly biblically, if it was acting soundly like it's supposed to, we.
Wouldn't need AA.
We wouldn't need extramarital counseling, we wouldn't need grief share. Those things are great, but we wouldn't need them. We could use them, but we wouldn't need them because the church would provide the need for the sheep. The pastor, the shepherd provides for the sheep, and he doesn't say you need to talk to other people. Hey, pastor, if you're listening, this guy Biff might have just said that wrong. And maybe that's not Maybe there's more to the story
that probably is. Look if whenever you got married and you said your vows, there was something probably in your vows that said something about for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, for insickness and health. Love, A true love for your spouse will persist past the time when you stop benefiting from it. Think about that.
Let me say it again.
A true love for your spouse will persist longer than the time when you stop benefiting from it. Man, that is an epidemic in this country when people stop getting when they stop benefiting from the marriage. They think I'm out, or we gotta separate, or we gotta we gotta try something new, we gotta date somebody else. I'm no longer happy. I'm not happy, me me, me, I'm not getting what I want.
And you're like, hey, did you not say for better or for worse? This is worse. It's not.
I will marry you for better. When you stop benefiting. You should keep loving selflesslie, you should stop. You should suppress, work to suppress the jealousy, work to suppress these feelings of anger. That Biff, I'm pretty sure you got. I love you, brother, and I'm so glad you emailed. But if I was talking to you on text, this is how I would talk to you, and this is how we talk to these other guys. I'm like, listen to me. Stop being so stubborn. Get your hard head out of this.
Okay, okay.
These questions are hard because we don't know the whole gist of your marriage. We don't know what's gone on in your marriage to cause this conflict, to cause you guys to be in this space. So, first of all, I wanted to say I was glad you were walking through it. With a pastor. But then for them to say you should talk to other people, I don't know if they meant counseling or other couples or that's kind of vague. I would also say it's good that you
guys are trying to date each other again. You know, I think a lot of couples they get into this rut where they don't date each other. They get busy with work or busy with kids, and they kind of their husband or wife go on the back burner. So you have to be intentional and make time and date each other, which is great that you'll are doing that. The whole thing about talking to another guy, I don't know if that was through text or Facebook or if
that was in person. So while I agree with Granger and saying you should swallow your pride and you should try to you know, the verse in Corinthian says love is not jealous, you have to try to try to swallow that. I also think that coming from a woman, if there was something that I knew would make my husband jealous, I would try everything in my power not to do it. So I'm not saying you can't ever like say hello to somebody and be kind and cordial.
But if there's something that I know is gonna upset Granger, if he was really didn't want me to talk to another guy because he thought I was flirting, I wouldn't do it.
I'm not speaking for her. I'm just speaking for.
Biff, right, r right. He asked the question, So I was just speaking for a woman's perspective. So yeah, I don't know she's triggering him, Yeah, she's triggering. I would just say, continue to seek wise counsel, continue to date each other, and try to get back to that place that you were. Like Granger said, I saw something the other day that said, your marriage doesn't have to end, but this version of your marriage can end. Like you,
guys can stop this right now. You don't have to you don't have to get a divorce, you don't have to be separated. You can just say, look, we're gonna stop this right now. We're gonna choose each other. We're going to date each other. We're going to see what makes the other person upset. We're not going to do that.
We're going to pour into each other. And another thing is I think it was John Hybrid that said the best version that you can the best thing you can do for your husband and your wife is to devote time to your holiness. If you are seeking yourself to be holy, you will do everything that the Bible says to honor your husband or your wife. So, if you guys are both chasing after Christ, you're gonna love each other. You're gonna choose each other. You're gonna have that first
Corinthian's love. So I would say, work on your walk with the Lord.
And if that's so good, that's so good.
You know you can't say that, If you can't say I've put everything in God's hands.
Oh, pray about it every day. I'm scared to death.
I was gonna say. I was gonna say that too. I've heard so many people say, I'm just giving it to God. I'm just giving it up. I'm just gonna let him do. Okay, Yes, we want to surrender everything to God. But that's not a that's not passive.
Yeah.
Still, it's active, it's active faith. You're still going to do things to work closer to your to your loved one too, to choose them, to leave little notes for them like you have to choose to do things to show your love for them. You can't just say, oh, I'm just giving up. I'm just giving it to God and praying he's gonna do a miracle. Like no, you have to be active in your relationship.
So good. Thanks, love it.
That's all I got, y'all. We'll see you next episode. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmasy. Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video.
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