Concerns about the future

gone along. People love you, people love you. We get on here. We answer people's questions. If you have a question, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. And if you want anyone answering your personal life question, it would be Bernie Calcoat. Know how to answer them because you helped me with all money. Yeah, I know how to answer or I'm willing to answer them now. Whether the advice

is something that's beneficial, that's up to you guys. But I was actually thinking of something as I was driving out here today that we always talk about this being, you know, three folks around a campfire, right, that's the

third person. Well, what I realized or what I was thinking is that typically when somebody is sitting with you at the campfire, you know that person, and therefore the way that you answer that question might be different based on what you know about them and specifically their emotional,

spiritual security and maturity. And so I guess what I was getting at is like, I hope that if you're out there and you're hearing some of these answers, we're speaking to you as if you're at this campfire with us and you are, you know, mature in your spirituality,

in your emotional you know, state or whatever. So that if if you hear things that we're saying and they and you take it a little bit defensively, it's almost like, well, you may need to kind of stop and think about and have some awareness of like why why they're just talking to me like they would somebody that can handle hearing just real truth and real advice. Yeah, And it's

just perspective. It's not criticism. It's perspective, right, perspective, And like Bernie said, we're not always right and we definitely don't claim to be. And that's not what this podcast. This isn't the podcast of truth or this isn't the you know, the final answer, this is a conversation that hopefully you know we're coming from the from the right heart, and hopefully this this is a conversation that will help you open up to find your own truth. Yep. Absolutely. Now.

I have had people email back to this podcast and say things like, hey you I got one yesterday it said, hey, you answered my question. Thank you for the tough love. It's exactly what I needed to hear. That's awesome, and that reassures me like, Okay, good, because sometimes I think, I hope I'm not coming across as mean, yeah, or

degrading in any way. That's not our intent. Yeah, And that's what I'm saying is is like you, if you were sitting in a camp, that person would know you, we would know them, and it's like it wouldn't be received that way. And so that's the way we're coming at it, and just the hope that the posture of the listener is like, hey, just chill out, guys, it's all yeah, And Bernie would probably say the same thing as me, but I'm definitely going to say I don't

have life figured out. I'm constantly learning, I'm constantly trying to readjust to new situations, and so don't ever think that we're coming across as listen, I got this figured out. Artist, I've been in your shoes because I haven't been in your shoes, that's right. So yeah, let's start with the first question, and I'm everything on this podcast will be off the cuff, random, random questions. We don't have notes sitting in front of us except for this first one.

I picked it because it's easier. Okay, it's lighter hearted, so I picked the first one after this. Everything else is who knows? Who knows what's coming? First question is subject line is sweet, simple and straight to the point. Hey, granger and friend, I hope you're having a blessed day so far. My question is what is your favorite hobby or activity to do with your spouse or significant other. My husband and I love your faith podcast and of course your music. Thank you for all you do. Best.

Hailey Whaley from Illinois parentheses. No, I'm not a doctor Seus's character. Haley Haley Whaley Walley shout out to ill Yeah, and it's a good question. I'm gonna put this phone on airplane mode because I could hear it through the mic. It's a good question. That I think about a lot, because sometimes I could be I could be guilty of not having very many hobbies. What about you, Oh you got too many? You've got too many hobbies. My wife's like no more So the question specifically is what is

your favorite hobby with your spouse? Because I have a lot of hobbies separate from Amber. She has hobbies separate from me. For instance, I love snow skiing. I always have. I'll take a mountain any chance I can get and bring some skis that could be old or new, I don't care. Amber does not like snow skiing. She skis occasionally just because she loves me, but she does not enjoy it one minute. She is terrified about it. So that's an example of a hobby I love, but we

don't do it together. Yeah, mine without Leslie would be like downhill mountain biking or mountain biking at any time. It's intense. I mean you are just like holding on and she doesn't really do that. She's like nope, no thanks, I was gonna say, Leslie does that. Yeah, this is like you were saying with snowskin, but one that we would do together consistently. It's funny because I think it's chained here. I don't know about you're at Amber, Like

it kind of changes over the years. When Leslie and I first got married, she was horrible at tennis, and I grew up playing tennis and played it and you know, competitively, and so I've played a lot of tennis in my life. I learned really quickly, Hey, this may not be something we do together. Yeah, yeah, because she would get frustrated every time we went and played. But recently she's like

been into some lessons and like really liking it. So I think that's something if we're gonna do like a active kind of date night, hobby, date night things like yeah, let's just get a babysitter and go play some tennis. Yeah, that's awesome. Amber. It's kind of opposite for us. Amber is really good at tennis and she did it in high school and I didn't. Maybe I should learn, Maybe I should get lessons from you and learn. So what

about like raquetball? Does that ever come into play? No? No, some folks have started asking us to play pickle ball. Have you played that? Yeah? Yeah, it's actually really fun. Yeah it is fun, But no, racquetball never. I don't know the rules. I just never did it. It's I think unanimously. What I could say is if you said, what do you and Amber want to do? Like, if you could do anything, what are you going to do? It might sound stupid, but go out to eat one

on one, no kids? Yeah, maybe go catch a movie that would be That would be something we'd both be on board right now. Yeah, is no kids a hobby because I think I think we would do anything with no kid, just the two of us, Like you're saying, yeah, both of us, Both me and you have busy schedules. You you have multiple jobs, you and Leslie works some of those with you, are all of im with you.

It's some capacity. Plus we have kids, plus the kids' activities, and it doesn't leave very much room for what's you and your wife's hobby. Separate So maybe we'll figure that out more. But right now we enjoy a lot of things. We tour. She loves to go on tour with me. But if you're going to say, right now, it would be time away from kids. That's my favorite hobby. Good season of life, the season of life. Okay, we're out into the weeds now, this is now. I have no

idea what's about to come up? I could you want me to read a couple or you want me to just hit the Let me hit the top one and then I'll read a couple of these titles to you. This one is called relationship Advice. Hey Grangeery, my ex boyfriend and I had an amazing relationship. It lasted about seven years, sixteen to twenty three years old. Throughout the years, we had our ups and downs, but it was a relationship that I personally found quote perfect. Our love was mutual.

But a few months ago, he broke up with me and said that he wanted to focus on himself. Even though we both pushed each other throughout the relationship, he no longer wants to fight for the relationship, and I feel like it's unreal. The saddest part is we had plans of finally getting married after I finished school and I only had one year left. I feel completely devastated and heartbroken. I don't know how to take this situation

because it's something I never expected to happen. Because the day before he broke up with me, he made me feel like the luckiest girl on earth. I don't have a name, and I don't have a place. So this is anonymous. Do you have a specific question in there? Yeah, let me let me see. There was no question marks, so there's I think this is just a confusion on a breakup. And the first thing I could say to anonymous here is that you this story is not uncommon.

This is a human story. This has been going on since the beginning of time. You think one side thinks it's going great, and they're led on by the other side that it is great, and then the other side cuts it off cold turkey. You're left confused, devastated, heartbroken, and you don't know what to do. I don't know what she means. By the day before he broke up with me, he made me feel like the luckiest girl. I don't know exactly what that means. But she is

twenty three years old apparently, which is great. The reason I say that it's because you're not forty eight, right, it's not good. Right, this is great. You're twenty three and you have so much ahead of you. So the first thing I want to do is just validate your heartbrokenness. That sounds that sounds terrible. You know, you were you were let on. I'm not going to say that his love wasn't real. But love is a decision. It's not it's not some cosmic alignment in the stars. It's a decision,

and he decided not to love you anymore. Yeah, that's that doesn't make you feel better? Yeah yeah I would. I would echo that just empathy that man, that that's tough. You put yourself out there. We all kind of know what it's like in some capacity to put yourself out there and kind of be put your trust out there and be broken, you know, your heart be broken in

some way. You know. If we started to kind of classify these podcast questions into these little, you know, barrels like we've talked about, like, hey is this how would this be answered? I think communication could be a big one to help resolve some of this, if the X would be willing to just kind of have some follow up conversations like I'm really trying to understand here, what where? When did the disconnect happen? Because I guarantee you it

didn't happen just one day. If he made you feel like the most special girl in the world the day before, there was something something going on and he was kind of putting on that front and so get back to like where did we go? Because if there's no reconciliation possible, at least you'll be able to learn from it. At least you'll be able to learn like, okay, either the person that I look for next. You know, I need to be aware of these things. I need to have

these boundaries. I need to treat them this way, Like what what can you learn about yourself from that situation? What can you learn about your future? You know, companion or mate moving forward? That's so right. You're you're going to be better for this, anonymous, No matter what, You're going to be better from this pain and this could lead This is any kind of suffering. People always want to be so quick to say, if there's a god,

why does he allow suffering? And that question comes in so many forms and as a result of so many things in life. And then my question back to you is how could you not think that suffering would make you better? And they would say, no, suffering's bad, Suffering is always bad and it always makes me worse, And I say not, According to anything humans have ever done in the history of humans. We make sports. For instance, we make football. What makes football exciting and fun and addictive?

The adversity, the suffering. No one starts a season and goes, well, we won the super Bowl. Why'd you win the super Bowl? Well, we just won all the games. We didn't play them, but we just got a w in for all the games until we got the super Bowl trophy. Boring the good think of any good Super Bowl or World Series, which is going on right now. The World Series is always better when it's it's the seventh game. It's been a battle, there's injuries on both sides. Both teams have

overcome adversity all year. They've they've climbed these hurdles and they've made it past them. And here they are and it's not only the seventh game, but it's the ninth inning. It's tied, it's the batter's up and he's got two strikes on them, the bases are loaded. It's that's always the better scenario is when they're suffering or adversity involved, and then when you win that World Series, it's much sweeter than if you've just swept them for to nothing. Right,

four games and nothing, No, you're absolutely right. And the even deeper level of that is those guys that are on the field playing those professional athletes. How did they get as strong as they are? They their muscles were torn in order for them to get stronger, Right like that, that stuff has to happen for growth. And if you view it that way and you keep your mindset on that, Anonymous, I think you're going to be better for it moving forward. I think you could get some clarity from the dude

if he'd be willing to. But if not, just focus forward. You know, Yeah, have you ever cried in a movie or watching a movie here? Have you ever cried at the end? Well, if the answer is yes, Anonymous, the reason you cried is because you saw the character go through pain and turmoil and win in the end, they

overcame it and they won. Every movie, every single movie that's good, always has a bad guy or a bad situation always, and then when they defeat it or overcome it or climb that mountain, they you cry because you love you love this story, and you know what it takes. Suffering helps you. Suffering is good for you. It's hard

to think that when you're in it. You're in the you're in the valley right now, you're laying there bleeding out, You're you're on the beach of Normandy and you're bleeding out right now, and it's you think, how could this be good? But it always is good. Lean into it. You're going to be better, You're going to learn more, You're going to be better because of this person. Yeah. And one last thing to book in that, like try I mean, this is just advice, you know, take it

or leave it. Don't date the next person for seven years, Like, yeah, go into it with intention that, Hey, I am dating someone to try my best and discern if they are the one for me for the rest of my life. And the minute that you get there, communicate that to them. Put yourself out there, continue to trust. Don't let this be something that scars you from trusting people in the future. Find that person and I bet if they are, they're

going to trust you back. And don't just kind of let it linger without that that commitment for seven years. That's a long time. Good. One more thing to the one more thing. Don't don't go back to this guy and and he's you guys will probably have another fling. Don't resist that, resist that fling, and don't don't go back. Don't start texting him two weeks from now, and just say, I still don't understand. Can you just tell me what happened? Can you just please explain? Just don't yep, don't block

him in your phone if you have to. But it's not good. He made a decision to leave you, so let it go. It's nothing. Nothing is good by trying to get one more explanation out of him, or trying to figure out or when he calls and says could we go? And could we could I take you to dinner? You need to think hard about that because this dude left you. Yep, when you're most vulnerable. Yeah, let's let's do another question here. This is here's I saw this came came in on Wednesday and it's very very short

and there's not a question. But I thought it was interesting, so I pulled it in here. It says, hey Grangeer, my name is Ida. I'm from Arizona. I love your family and your faith and your music and everything it stands for. That's the end of the email, but the subject line says concerned about my future? What do you think? What do you think? Things about? You think? They hit send too early and then they're like, dangn I can't email again. Well, concerned about my future. And then it's

just I think. And the reason I think it might be interesting to talk about it is because I think there's a lot of people concerned about their future in the world right now and they don't even know why. Yeah, they can't even explain why or how they feel like this, And that email almost says that, It almost says, I don't have anything else to write, specifically, worried because let's fill in the blanks, because the media makes me nervous,

because Instagram makes me nervous. I see things on Facebook every day and I'm concerned. Maybe you have kids, maybe you don't, but everyone's talking about how public schools are going down the gutter. Well maybe you have a parent that that's sick right now and you're concerned. But but this is the world we live in, concerned about the future, worries,

all kinds of worries all over man. And it's not new, I mean, right, no, no, no, no, man, there is I saw John Maxwell speak a couple of weeks ago, and he was at a conference, and I was I was blown away by by him speaking courage into people and speaking fear away from people, especially Christians. He brought up the fact that why do we see Christians nowadays as one of the most worried groups of people on the planet. Why are they not any more confident in

their life than any other person. It's strange. We're not supposed to be fearful. We're not supposed to be to dwell and worry. I know that we could worry and fear, but we're not supposed to dwell on it and be lost in it and voice it on Facebook like we're in such trouble and we don't know what to do. Aren't we supposed to be the ones that are confident about this? Well? I agreed, But let me ask you this. What if you were in the army and you were

about to go into battle. You were in battle, you're I mean, you're about to jump out the helicopter, but you don't have any weapons. You have not been trained properly. You haven't been given a map that shows you where you're supposed to be. Okay, are you all ware? Is that where we are now? If we're speaking generally about Christians in the West, I think that's where we are. Don't we have a map? Though? Oh? We do? But

I think I hear you. I think that there's a lot that have not been trained, they haven't taken up the weapons, but for some reason they feel like I should still get on this helicopter and go. It's like, well, hey, guys, I don't think you understand the battle that you're getting into here. Yeah, you're gonna get destroyed and you're gonna worry, and you're gonna basically take a bunch of people down with you. I don't know, just a thought, man. Let me read something John Maxwell said, and I just I

was blown away by this. And if anyone sees me on my phone or Bernie on his phone, I'm not scrolling Twitter right now. It's relevant. I'm either looking at the question or look at thinking about something relevant here. But this is C. S. Lewis and he wrote he wrote an article called how are We to Live in an Atomic Age? And what John Maxwell said at the conference was every time you hear atomic age or atomic bomb, I want you to replace it with virus or COVID.

And then whoever wrote this email, whatever's going on in your life. If that's not what you're talking about, you could replace it with whatever you're going through. And so think about it this way, Remember to replace atomic with covid or virus or whatever you're going through. How are

we to live in atomic age? I am tempted to reply, why, as you would have lived in the sixteenth century when the plague visited London almost every year, or as you would have lived in a Viking age, when raiders from Scandinavia might land and cut your throat any night, Or indeed, as you are already living in an age of cancer, an age of syphilis, an age of paralysis, an age of air raids, an age of railway at railway accidents,

an age of motor accidents. In other words, do not let us begin by exaggerating the novelty of our situation. Believe me, dear Sir of Madam, you and all you who you love already are already sentenced to death before the atomic bomb was invented, or before covid was invented, and quite a high percentage of us we're going to die in unpleasant ways. We had indeed one very great advantage over our ancestors, but we have everything still that

we need. It is perfectly ridiculous to go about whimpering and drawing long faces because the scientists have added one more chance of painful and premature death to a world which already bristled with such chances, and in which death itself was not a chance at all, but a certainty. He goes on to say, and I could read this, But he goes on to say, so what are we to do if we're all going to be destroyed by

an atomic bomb? Let the bomb come find us doing sensible and human things like praying, working, teaching, reading, listening to music, bathing the children playing tennis. Literally says that chatting to our friends over a pint and a game of darts, not huddled together like frightened sheep and thinking about bombs. They may break our bodies. A microbe can do that, but they need not dominate our minds. Nineteen forty eight. Oh that's so good, So to piggyback on

what he's saying. Philippian, So what was this girl's name? Do we have her name? No? Nothing? Okay, So if you wrote that, or even if you did it, go read Philippians four four through nine. So it starts with rejoice and a gainsay rejoice, but then it goes into I mean and this is written by Paul who's being he's imprisoned, and this dude is in I promise you a worse situation than you're in. I can't say that for sure, for sure, but yeah, the odds are he

was in a much worse position. If you are in a worse position, then that means you've been You've received the forty lashings countless times, you've been beaten, stoned, broken, imprisoned, countless times, starved, almost drowned, shipwrecked. Yeah, so if that's happened to you, sorry about that. You probably don't have

a way to send an email a granger. But but the point is is that even in that he's speaking to these people saying, hey, don't don't be anxious, like instead pray with thanksgiving, right, and this piece well that surpassed the understanding will cover your heart and your mind. And then he goes on to say, finally these things. Think on these things. What's true, what's pure, what's lovely, has excellence? He lists all these things. Think about these things.

So what C. S. Lewis is saying, Hey, they can take all this stuff, but they can't take our minds. Like think, we think on these things and then we practice The last part of that is he says, what you've seen and heard from me, practice this in the God of peace will be with you. I think that that, between that and Philippians, that's I think that's maybe the answer to this question. Yeah. And C. S. Lewis got his inspiration from Philippians. Yeah, you know, so, Paul was first.

I love how he says, in other words, do not let us begin by exaggerating the novelty of our situation? How crazy we do? Yeah? Oh, there's never been this bad, never, We've never been this divided, We've never been this sick. Yeah, we've never had leadership this bad. We never had an election this good or this bad. Why do you why do you think we do? Why do you think we

do that? We love to exaggerate the novelty of our situation, and not just now, but like every every situation, we want to exaggerate the novelty of it to make it is it about us? Like we make it seem like a bigger deal than it is. It's it's our arrogance as humans that we've always thought that in CS. Lewis goes on to say, believe me, sir or madam, you and all whom you love were already sentenced to death before the atomic bomb was invented. Yeah, yeah, so I

think you don't have to be a Christian to believe that. Yeah, we have a humans have one hundred per death rate, that's true. Let's Take a Break podcast has brought to you in part today by ship Station. You know, the holidays are the most wonderful time of the year, but if you're running an online store, you know they could

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off your first purchase. So cool. All right, back on the podcast, back on the questions. If you have any email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Got Bernie Caalcote is my guest today, long time guest of the podcast. Thank you guys for making this podcast always very high on the chart on all music podcasts. Yeah, make sure you guys go review it and give it the rating and stuff. Yeah, it helps Grange get it up in the charts and it helps just world domination, takeover for

a podcast happen. So let's go all right. Marriage after baby, Okay, we both know. We both know that my husband and I have had an almost one year old little boy. He's the greatest baby, but I feel like our marriage is struggling since his birth. A lot of times I feel like I'm carrying the workload with our son and the house on top of having a full time job. My husband has a very demanding job also, and when he's home, he mostly wants to sit on the couch

and watch TV. While I understand the need to decompress. I feel like we don't spend any quality time together talking or doing things together, and when I try to explain how I'm feeling, it comes off as na nagging. How do I get back to us after becoming parents? Thanks for your podcast and being a sounding board for so many people. I appreciate you and your guest ability to look through a lens of faith and share solid advice. Lindsey,

thanks for sharing, Lindsay. This is not an uncommon nope situation. There's people that didn't write this that are thinking, oh, Lindsay just wrote my story. So thank you, Lindsey. Thank you for bringing up something that's very common, and this is let's let's uh, let's decide, let's kind of get in and and knock this around a little bit. Uh, Where do I don't know where to start? Where do you want to start? I feel like the question could be pretty simple to answer. I feel like it's a

communication thing. I feel like I feel like we may have hit this before. Like you, you're coming from a genuine perspective. You don't want to be the nagging wife, but you're you're sensing this like overload, which is valid. It is a lot. Kids are exhausting and and life and all the stuff. So we feel you on that. But I think you know, just having some really open, honest communication with your husband about him asking does he feel pressure from you to provide a certain level of

life where his work has to be that demanding. Yeah. I think it's these responsibilities that we do stack up on top of each other. It's just our culture to be busy and to like stack up as much as we can. And then in the very slim margins, we leave the most important things our relationships with our spouses and our kids. But I would suggest, like own that for yourself and just be humble with your husband, like, Hey,

I don't feel like I'm doing a good job. I feel like I don't have margin to really give you the best side of me. I feel like you're getting the worst of me, and I don't want that. I want to give you the best of me. Are there things in our lives that we need to change and maybe go without so that we can just be happier

together and serve each other more? And I don't know, right, So let me talk about go without, because one of the thoughts I had was could you go without something in your life financially in order to open up either some time for you, So maybe you either you cut back your hours or he cuts back his hours. You'll have less money, but you'll have that more quality time.

Or do you go without in order to free up some money to hire some help at the house, maybe someone that can come in and do some of the demanding housework, help you with some of these things that are that are hurting you. But either way, you're gonna have to go without an income of some level, which is a great sacrifice. So sometimes we have to look at our lives and go, what do I need what do I need to survive? And what am I just what kind of money am I just spending on meaningless things?

And if I cut out that meaningless spending and I freed up this amount of money, money equals time and time equals quality time with your family. So there's that. There's that. That's just a practical idea. And then another idea is are are you making your baby more important than your husband? Just a question because sometimes we could we sometimes in life we make our priorities where the baby is on top of the spouse and are the kids in general? And it's just we're not made We're

not set up that way. We're set up to to, you know, God, first, spouse above the family, and your husband needs to look at you that way, and you need to look at your husband that way. Where they are first, kids second. It's like the airplane when you when the oxygen masks fall out, you put yours on first kid second, because you have to function first in order to take care of the kids. If you're dysfunctional, you're not going to properly parent the kids anyway. So

take care of your spouse first. Are you doing that question? My voice is getting loud, but I'm not mad, Lindsay, I'm not mad. I'm just I'm just I'm offering these suggestions. Are you putting your baby above your husband? Is your husband putting the baby above you? And then lastly, not lastly, but next, how are you approaching your husband when he's on the couch. Me and you have been We've done

this on the podcast before. Are you coming in and saying, babe, seriously, you're seriously gonna watch TV right now when you see how much work I'm doing And I'm yeah, I got so much to do and I have a full time job, and you you're seriously gonna is that what you're doing, because that's gonna get nowhere. Mm hmm, it's gonna get nowhere. What well, he laughs, because Leslie's literally done that to

me when I'm watching TV. But so to speak your head in and let's say seriously, and I know everything that she's thinking from that seriously, but the same thing, I'm not saying it's wrong of Lindsay to do it right. This is not is not the most productive way to like have the conversation. I get the frustration with her too, but we're both in that place and that's why, Hey, Lindsay, we feel you like on both sides of this. It's like, man,

I'm just so tired. Really, I've given everything today and you've given everything, but yet the dishes still got to get done and the kids got to get a bath, and so somebody's gotta you know, So let me just say, let me give you a little ray of hope. Lindsay, you have an almost one year old. That's just you're in the trenches right now. Yeah, because I'm there too, I understand the baby thing. You're in the trenches. It definitely gets better as long as you don't fill your

kids up with a million sports. They got to be playing every single night of the week. I don't recommend doing that either. I don't we do that currently, and it's the worst. Don't do it. I hear so many horror stories. But it gets so much better because they get more independent. Like my kids now. And I tell Ambery this, we do not do dishes in this house, ambern I that is the kids, and I put them to work, and I don't care if they complain about it.

When I first ask them, then that's five minutes earlier. They got to go to bed. And then I'll add another five minutes. So it's a it's a deal where it's like, this is what you're gonna do. You're not even gonna complain. You're gonna do all the dishes. And so there's certain things around the house, laundry, cleaning up, tidying up, feeding your animals, doing the dishes. These are things that you could put one hundred percent on the kids when they get to a certain level. So it

gets better. This isn't like you're going to be dealing with this the rest of your life. Yeah, that's and especially the first kid, like because you you you really are just like this is new. I'm all in it. And uh so it it does add another layer of that. So before we move the next question, I want to

talk to the husband. And I know we don't know this husband, he put Yeah, he may not be listening, but the husband in this story is represented by a bunch of guys out there, including us at putting me so I like she said, she's even understanding that need for decompression. Put your wife first, Like be a man and draw from the inner strength that you have and say no, I'm I'm gonna push a little bit harder and give her what she needs. Okay, So then I'm

gonna speak to that's generally husband. So now, a Bible believing Christian husband, I'm gonna speak to you about what the Bible actually calls how he calls us to love our wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her in all things. Yeah, I fail at this every single day, And it's like, I know that this is what I'm called to and I need to

meditate on that verse all the time. When on my drive home, whenever I'm going in, it's like, no, I know that you wanted to do this, You want to do this, You're giving that up because you're you're going to serve her. You're going to go in and you're going to think, Hey, what can I do? I need to I need to be thinking about that on my lunch break. Hey what can I do for her? What message can I send for her? What can I move out of my schedule to free up even more margin

that I can serve her. I think if you do that, the balance of parenthood starts to become a little bit more easy to handle and navigate. Hey, listeners, whatever you've been taught by man about what marriage is in the Bible, and whatever preconceived ideas you have that the Bible says about marriage. What Bernie says is biblical manhood. That's what it says. Yeah, that's what it says. Bernie's read every word in that book and there is nothing extra. That's

what it says, and that's how biblical manhood is. You might have been taught that the Christians have some weird hierarchy. That's not what it is. As far as is loving your wife. You sacrifice everything you love her as Christ love the church. Last thing, husband, her love language is quality time. She just told us. Yeah, that's like a secret. You just figured it out on if you didn't know it. Sometimes you don't always know it, but she just told us on this podcast. So last thing, last thing. If

you don't know your wife's love language, figure it out. Yeah, game changer. Quality time is a great one for the husband to know that she has because you don't have to waste time in all these crazy gifts. Yeah, and that's that's pretty good acts of service. Yeah, physical touch, you don't have worry about any of that, just quality time. Yeah, let's hit another one here. How about how about this My best friend of twenty years has rejected God. Interesting,

hey granger and podcast guest. I'll try to keep this as short as possible. One of my best friends about four years ago told me she no longer believes in God, doesn't want my prayers, doesn't want me to do anything about it. She totally caught me off guard at the moment, and I honestly, in the last four years, haven't said anything to her about it, but I've prayed almost daily

for her since then. We grew up in church together and that's where we met, and about six years ago, our pastor at the time and some of the church family absolutely burned her and her family and basically shunned them and a few others. Long story, but I haven't been back to that church since then, and I found another church that me and my husband love. How in the world do I go about beginning a conversation about this now that I've waited so long. I love her

so much, my heart is broken over this. She's into the occult and very new age practices. As a side note, we basically just don't talk about religion or politics, and when we talk, I've never spoke up about how I feel, and I just really don't know how to start. There are many of her other levels to this, but this is the basics. Love to know your thoughts about this. Thank you for all your family does. You guys have

changed my life and my faith journey. Keep doing what you're doing, and please do a show closer to Alabama with love and christ Corey. Thank you, Corey. I had another great question that probably a lot of people could echo. I could echo that. Okay, I could echo that for sure. No, I mean I could. I could echo her a question

I can relate. I can relate, and I've talked to Bernie about this many times off podcast where you said we basically just don't talk about religion or politics, and I've never spoke up about it or how I feel. I just don't know how to start. Man. I feel that because there's people in my life, and I've told Bernie this, I'll let a situation pass when I could have spoke up and I didn't, and then I feel

like a coward. I'm like, man, you had a chance right then to speak truth into them, and then I have to just recollect myself and try to do it again. But here's The one thing that we could both say Corey right off the bat is that no matter what you say or what you do, you don't have that kind of power to bring her back to God. Only God can. And sometimes as humans we feel like it's up to us, it's on our shoulders, or even worse, it's on their shoulders, like it's their decision and if

they don't make it, then they'll never know God. And that's up to them. God has a different idea about this stuff. We're here to plant seeds and we're here to walk away after we plant the seeds. I heard a pastor tell me one time. We're not in the results driven business, and almost everything else in life is a result driven but not witnessing to lost. So all we could do, and what you're doing right now is is you're going to church and you're living. You're living

this out, which is great. That's an important component. And the next step is telling her the gospel, because the gospel, according to Romans, is the power of God for salvation. The Gospel is the power of God for salvation, and they have to hear it, and by hearing it they'll believe it or they won't. But they have to hear it, and that's not that's you have the power to tell them, but you don't have a power for them to believe it.

What do you got, Burns? Yeah, I understand. And Griz and I talked like you said that the delicate situation that these things can present whenever you have these long time relationships that have many, many layers of experiences and things they've been through. And the only thing that I can suggest, and that we've talked about before, is just try to be as present with your friend as possible. Try to be as genuine with your friend as possible.

If they're really your friend and they love you. Then if you're talking about something and you just feel this, you know in your life, in the in the propositional truth and experiential truth connection, the answer to that question that y'all are talking about is the gospel, or it's some aspect of the gospel. Have confidence in the friendship to be able to speak openly and say like, yeah, well you know, Jesus taught me about this blah blah

blah blah. You know, and reference and one know what you're talking about, study what you study your faith so that you know and you can you know, like Granger said, you can give testimony whenever the opportunity comes. Know what you're talking about, study it. But also just in the quiet, in the stillness, teach yourself to listen to that soft voice of the Holy Spirit that says, hey, now speak that and the one that says, hey, just hold tight.

I think that we don't spend enough time in the stillness trying to discern that voice, and we are very much results driven, and it's like we just have to we have to say it because it's like fishing. Right, the more times you cast, I know, the odds are we're going to catch more, right right, No, it's like you got to listen to the guide that takes you to the spot the honey hole. He's like, no, we're gonna catch fish here. So that's where this is the time and the place that I want you to cast

that listen more speak less. Yeah, that's what Burns is saying. Why would you do that? Well, first of all, you're giving space for the Holy Spirit to do work. If you don't, if you don't have space, if you're not opening up that opportunity, then you're gonna fail every time with your own words, so open up that space, rewind, listen to what Burns just said, and next time you're in that situation, you're one on one instead of just diving into Hey, we need to talk about this God thing.

It's been bothering me for four years, ever since you told me don't believe of God, and it's really bothered me, and I pray every single day and I don't know what to do. Like then then you're more worried and anxious than they are, and they're like, WHOA, I don't need whatever you got. Yeah, I don't want any of that. If I've been if this has been bothering you so much for four years that you've lost sleep over it,

I don't want any of that. I like my sleep. Yeah, So yeah, you have to you have to live it. You're You're absolutely right. You have to live. The Holy Spirit has to endwell in you and live in a way that reflects the joy that God can bring. Your friend already knows they're gonna know, they're gonna see the fruits of the spirit and be like, wow, where I don't even have to ask where that comes from, because I know I know Corey and that this is why

she believes, and man, I want that. I want to believe that, and maybe that leads them to desperately coming before God themselves is saying I want what they have. Ken, Hey Corey, how do you always seem so confident in these kinds of situations? Why are you not worried about your kids right now? Why are you? What is the source of your hope? That's what That's the question you need. That's the question that's gonna open it all up. Hey, Corey, were you just what is the source of your hope?

Because you just seem so collected in this chaotic time, and so guess, Corey, guess what's hurts you? Back to the first question, going to Facebook and going we're just we're doomed. Our society it's all going to hell, and our politicians don't know how to run in there once against us, and we're gonna lose average churches they're closing and we're never gonna God's going away from the schools and we're never gonna Like that is gonna hurt you because God, I don't want any part of that either me.

Whatever religion that is on Facebook, I don't want that either. And I'm a believer. So let's just get that out there. That's not Christianity. So set up the situation where she where she it is a she right where she has to ask you. What can't you just tell me what's going on with you? Because I just I'm inspired by your life. Yeah, and speak, You can still speak Jesus. You still need to speak the gospel, but there's a

there's a non preachy way to do it. Yeah. Absolutely, And don't go into the situation trying to like manifest that conversation because then you're gonna be disappointed when she doesn't ask Your expectation can't be well, God, I've done this, I've lived this way and she hasn't asked me. Hey, he's asking you. He's asking you to be obedient and to live a life guided by the Word and the Holy Spirit. Like, just do that. The other stuff, man,

it'll just come. All the conversations, the questions will come if you truly do that and you study that book long enough to know exactly what that means. And as it says in Acts, all and all who were appointed to eternal life believed, didn't say everyone, she might not be one of them. We hope and we pray that she is, but that's not up to us, and it doesn't stop us from praying about it and trying to activate that. But that's just that's the way it is.

So it's a good question, Corey. Keep us in touch and hopefully we'll be closer to Alabama. Let's do We've got time for one more burns, let's do it. Let's see outdoors question. Kind of feel relieved just seeing that. Hey Grange, my name is Aaron from Kansas. I'm a huge outdoorsman. I love deer hunting and fishing, and if you're ever looking to do some hunting and fishing in Kansas, come on out. But I'm wanting to start recording myself and getting footage. Can you recommend a good camera or

recording device to start with? It might not break the bank. Love everything you do. Thanks for being so connected with your fans. And I would also love if I could just get a shout out, shout out erin what's up brothers? Aaron from Kansas man, there's one answer to you, go pro. Go pro for outdoor outdoor daytime footage, nighttime or dusk or early morning. It's tough and low light, but you're gonna want to go go pro. You gotta go pro

go Burns. Yeah you can't. I mean you use it for a mountain biking Yeah right, there's no better camera for mountain biking stability on it, the color, the quality, Yeah yeah, Aaron GoPro with that one. I think we could do one more, one more. Okay, this is a relative short one. Dear Granger. I've been a fan of you for years and you've helped me through a lot. Your positivity, positivity helps me wake up. Your videos make me laugh, and your music from Grangersmith and Earl Dibblis

Junior making me smile. Thank you. My question is how do you keep so positive through tough times? I call Bernie. I called Bernie during tough times helps me stay positive. Gratitude he's asking about gratitude. How to cultivate gratitude is basically your question, James, and it is. It's work. You have to put in work. It's not I don't think gratitude has naturally grown in you. You you cultivate it and you harvest it like a seed. You're from, your worry from He didn't say where he's from. I was

gonna think if he's from the Midwest. We talk about farming, but you have to cultivate it. One way I know Bernie and I have talked about this is a gratitude journal. It helps tremendously and sometimes when time when things are really rough in your life, sometimes you have to aim super low to find gratitude. And that's okay because you could find it in all situations even if you're aiming low. For instance, you could be you could be going through

you you got kicked out of your house. You didn't get to pay your electric bill, and you get get kicked out of your house, and you could think, man, this is this is terrible. And then you go out and you you start your truck and you drive to find a new place, and right then you can go, thank God for this truck. It's always been here with me. This is a good truck. And I'm using that as an example of being able to aim low and take

something that you might not think every day. But you have a car that drives and it starts there, you have sunshine shining on your shoulders. It's not too cold and it's not too hot. That's something to be grateful for. Maybe it's not raining today grateful. Maybe it is raining and it's been You've been in a drought in California and it rains. Grateful, So you could find gratefulness through any situation, and it helps to write it down. For me,

it's the morning. You're a morning got too. I keep a journal, and then part of the journal is I'm just going to write down three or four things that I'm grateful for today. A hot cup of coffee, that's something. And practicing that finding finding the little things and being grateful for them really helps cultivate that and ultimately leads to your question of being positive and a tough time. I would say too, and I know you're great at

this stuff. Surround yourself with positive people, right. Negative people will make a negative situation worse, and you're like a chameleon. You just become negative around negative people. So pay attention to who you're you're surrounding yourself with. Hang around positive people, and you're gonna start thinking a lot more positive. It's crazy. Yeah, uh, yeah, I got I got some thoughts. But first, what was your uh in your gratitude journal this morning? What were

you grateful for? A hot cup of coffee and the fact that you get to hang out with burn today. Yeah, effect to hang out with Burns. Lincoln got up early, and he's done this the last two mornings. It frustrates me because I like to get up before everyone so I could like have my quiet time read the Bible. And then Lincoln gets up at like five point fifteen and I'm like, bro, you have an hour and thirty minutes to sleep, why are you up. This is my

hobby time. Yeah, like get out of here. But then then he just comes and cuddles up next to me in the chair and they're just like, Okay, I'll write it man, my gratitude journal. Okay, that's awesome. So well, I think that there there is a mindset there. There's a mindset thing here, and like Granger said, I think a lot of this is work. There's two ways, just like you know down to the science of psychology that there's two ways that in most situations that arise that

our brains go. They either go to curiosity or they go to defense. Right, I'm trying to understand this situation or I am afraid of this situation, and therefore I'm going to go defensive. I think that so in any situation in how do you stay positive in a tough situation? Well, you have to over time create the mental habit of switching to curiosity in any any situation you're in, Hey, what what is truly happening here? Not what am I feeling? And let my feelings kind of run into anxiety, you know,

but what is truly happening here? Why? You know, why did that person say that? Let me let me ask them, Let me let me remain curious, suspend my judgment until I have all the details. So the gap in between is me trying to figure out, Hey, let's card, why did that? Why did that happen? Oh? And and then you know, you start to realize that once you start to fill in the gaps with the truth and not just you're going to go defensive and then you're going

to start filling in those gaps. And typically when you're in defensive mode and you start filling in those gaps, they're kind of self preservation. They're they're more judgmental, and they don't think the best of the other person. They think the worst. So if you're thinking the worst of the other person, that just affects your mental state. And

if you do that continually, continually. Yeah, you're going to be in a place where something difficult happens and it is everybody else's fault and you've already filled in the gaps of why it happened, and you've run into the anxiety cesspool. So you're saying more curiosity, less defensive, less defensive, less judgment, more curiosity. And I think that that curiosity will lead you because that piggybacks on what you're saying. I think that there has to be this. You know,

confidence is rooted in gratitude. Man, I recognize all the good things in my life. I realize what I deserved and I realize what I got. Okay, at the very basic level, I'm confident in those things. I'm secure in those things. I'm secure enough in those things that I can open my mind to curiosity. Because if you're not secure in that, you have to put up walls of defense. You have to like be defensive. There's no room for gratitude, there's no room for curiosity because you're kind of in

that mode. So you have to like find that we believe that that's in the hope of Jesus, that man, this we know where that we were dead in our trespasses. We know that you know, by uh through faith in grace or sorry uh, by grace through faith that man, we've we've been redeemed. And it's almost like every everything else kind of becomes secondary to that. If we have that to kind of be a baseline. Man, that's so good.

But I think you have to one take some time and just become self aware of like, Okay, whenever I'm in a situation, do I go to defense or do I go to curiosity and like trying to assume the best of the person until I know all the stuff, or am I immediately like, well, dude, they just screwed me over for no reason and they blah blah. It's like, dude, easy, you're there. There's two paths that you're choosing there. So man,

that is so good, Burns James. That's it. And the last thing I could say before we get before we end this podcast is more sleep, less screens, less junk food, and that'll help your process tremendously. Everything Bernie's saying is hard to accomplish if you're you're not getting good sleep, you're looking at your phone all day, and you're not properly fueled drink water. Do that in there too, Yeah, you need to put those things on a shirt. Like

Granger just summed up every question in this pocket. How do you deal with all of these things? Everything about everything you just said? Sleep no screens? Awesome, guys, We love you, Love you Burns. Thank you so much, dude. Thank you guys for having me on. See you next time. Ye thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all of you. Guys. You could help me out

by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a question for me that you like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.