Be careful! What is your identity?

buddy of mine. First time guest on here. Daniel Gonzalez, a Michigan boy, finally got Michigan represented on the podcast. A lot of people from Michigan listening to this podcast. Well, hey, listen, go State, Go Green, go White. That's that's all my Ganzala side there, but my mama's sides in Texas. I've been in Texas a long time, so I don't sound like I'm from Mission. I hear you. Well, yeah, Lansing, Michigan, that's right. Just get that cleared up. It's not a

big blue here, No, it's not. It's not. And you know, if you do represent the Wolverines, I'm so sorry. I'm pray for you. We can't all be perfect. So on this podcast we Daniel, we answer questions, and you're a perfect guy for it. I feel very blessed that you're in my life because if I need some advice, if I need to talk through something in long form, you're

one of the guys on a call. The way we set up this podcast, it's like we're sitting around a campfire or we're driving in a truck and it's me and you and one other person and they say, hey, guys, could I ask you something something that's been going on in my life. It could be about life. Could be about music. What you're a musician too. You're a pastor and a musician, so that works out great. Could be about a relationship or a job. It really could be

about anything. You just email Granger Smith Podcast at gmail dot calm. Then I put these together and I'll just grab them in no particular order and no particular subject, and then we'll walk through it as if we're sitting in the cab of a truck on a road trip like me and you have been on the floor, just walking through it, and and hey, we're not always right, we don't. We don't have notes if you're watching on YouTube,

we don't have notes in front of us. So we're just going to walk through it as if we're living it with you, and we're gonna give you the best, the best knowledge that we know of at the time. And uh, that's that's the beauty of this podcast. We definitely could be wrong. Love it, Love it. I want to dig in a little bit here, And like I said, this is no particular order, so I'm gonna start at the top if you're ready to If you're ready to dig into this, I'm all in. Let's go. This one says.

The subject says, I need advice. Good. It says, thank you so much for this opportunity. I'm grateful for you and Amber, and I found out about you thanks to a friend who kept tagging me on Parker's TikTok videos. In fact, I just started following kid today because I watched one of your podcasts. Well, y'all talked about that good good, good, love it. It says, So in this situation, I'm currently living with my parents because that's how things

go in Honduras. Shout out to Honduras, and we've been having a lot of problem They've been having a lot of problems with their marriage. My dad does not respect my mom. He raises his voice, always says she is against him on a problem they have in the ministry they work in, because my dad has said some bad stuff about his leaders. The thing is, the problem is affecting me way too much with my mom. Her hair

is falling out, she doesn't have much energy anymore. She's always down to my sister and I try to cheer up, but that only helps for a while. My mom still loves my dad. I really question that my dad loves her. I've asked about them getting a divorce, but that's the last thing my mom wants to do. I've prayed earnestly so the Lord will give healing to their marriage. Uh and just give me wisdom on what to do. But I feel like I'm not doing enough, especially because of

our economic situation is also affecting this whole problem. I don't have a job because here in Honduras it's really hard to get one if you're if you haven't graduated from college. Help. I want to do more. I want to help. I don't know what to do anymore. Am I stressing too much about it? What should I do. Thank you Granger, Ruth well, so shout out to Honduras listeners and and thank you, thank you Ruth for for trusting us with something so heavy on your heart. And

I want to say I thank you. I think you emailed the right podcast we got. We got Pastor Daniel with us today. If I had anything like this going on in my life, I would I will call you, I will call you. So let's kind of let's break this down a little bit. Yeah, because there's a lot there. So Dad has been it's been tough lately. He's been tough on Mom. Mom still loves him. Divorce is not part of the conversation at all. Mom is faithful, Mom is holding holding true to this. It sounds like they're

in ministry of some sort in Honduras. And and the daughter is wanting to wanting to help, you know, I feel that on her heart. She wants to. She wants to be able to help mom and dad. She wants to reconcile the marriage. And there's a financial stress to this. So where do we where do we start with Ruth. She's praying a lot about it, yeah, and and and she's seeking help, She's seeking counsel, you know, And I think that's important, an important part of of really what

the Bible tells us student instructs us to do. But really in everyday life is we want to make sure that we're finding the right counsel, the right right people to speak into it. And obviously we don't know. You've given us a kind of a good framework, good picture. It sounds like if I remember she said he's in ministry as well, Yeah, presume maybe it's a church or some kind of a ministry related nonprofit or something of that nature, which is an even bigger deal, you know.

And so you know, when it goes to situations like this, as it relates to the family and it relates to the position of the father and the role of the father in the family, there's a lot of weight that falls on dad. There's a lot of weight that falls there, and there's a lot of responsibility that falls there. And so I don't want people to shy away from that. Does the weight of a marriage all fall on a husband or the weight of a family all fall on

a father. No, but certainly a tremendous amount of it does, because as we see even in statistics, whatever directions the father goes. If the father goes to church, then the likelihood increases incredible. Yeah, something crazy like that, you know.

So I think what ends up happening is sometimes we get bogged down, especially if you're working in ministry, you can get so involved doing the work of the Lord, that you really kind of lose sight of your relationship with the Lord, and you're doing things for God instead of doing things with God. And that can sometimes sit you on a course to be in this place where men who I am now has changed not for the better, And so I think we have to start with that reality.

My father, the father I knew, was a pastor and an evangelist and missionary. I was born fifteen years as late child, so I grew up with that dad. Before that. We were actually just talking about this, me and Granger not too long ago. My dad was a heroin attic and a drug pusher. He was a very hurtful human being, and he was that way with my mom. And yet my mom, who sought the Lord, who followed the Lord, continued to stay in that relationship and she just felt like,

I'm seeking God. I'm going to go passionately after God and I'm going to believe that my testimony is going to have an effect on Robert, who is my father. Well, it eventually did. In fact, my dad thought that she was seeing a guy at church because she would go to church and come home so full of joy that he decided, Hey, I'm going to go over there and find out who it is that you're seeing, and when I do, I'm gonna do some terrible things to him,

you know, breathe out. So she thought he thought she was cheating. That's exactly right, Yeah, yeah, yeah, there was some guy there that was making her happy, and she's coming over and so he begins to there was right, that was Jesus, And so she goes He ends up going to church, doesn't find the guy, goes back again, goes back again, and about the fourth or fifth time, God just collides with him and he's listening to the message and he's realizing the terrible state that he is in.

He goes up to the front of the church and he just begins to lay just face down on the ground and just is weeping and sobbing, and he was having a God moment where he was just really begging forgiveness from God and so in that he became radically saved, kicked the drugs, kicked all of that, like he was a different person. However, despite that, there was still withdrawal that he had to go through. There was still a

repair that had to happen in the family. And I love how God constitutes and utilizes these words with ree. He resurrects, you know, we repent. He restores things, like he takes what is and he transforms it. And so I believe that that happens through a lot of different ways. One is there has to be a reality of God.

And the best way for your father to see that where he might have lost sight of that, is for you to be that testimony in his life, to be an encouragement as well to your mom and just say, hey, there is a love that's greater than all all this. Our God can do exceedingly abundantly above all that we could ever ask. Imagine. I'm going to probably quote a lot of scripture references in this podcast, and then you've

got to confront it. And I think that's the challenging part is because there is a way to confront and love. But I would say that your father not only does he need to be prayed for. Not only do you want to be a good example of Christ to him, but as a daughter, you can confront your father and you can sit down and say there's a big issue. And for a man who's working in ministry, you're held to a high standard, like the Bible actually tells us that your home is supposed to be in order for

you to be engaging in this. So we utilize that as a way to be able to have a conversation to say, I want you to see what you're doing to our family. All of that's okay, all right, now, we don't know what the result of that is going to be. At the end of the day. Not everything that we do that is right seems to turn out

the way that we would like for it to. But at least at the very end of the day, we can say, I know I did right by God, I know I did right by my family, and we had a conversation about it, and hopefully that can help kind of maybe shake him up, maybe get a realignment going. And then you've got to walk through journey of restoring

rebuilding trust. Going through that journey with the family. I think it is so important, But my heart goes out to you, because I know that has to be so difficult dealing with what you're dealing with, to see your family in that kind of a situation. But I also know that God is faithful, so good, that's so good. And I think, Ruth, I think we believe. I believe you do too. We believe that God is this restore, this redeemer, this author of life. And it's easy to

make that number two and to make number one. What's your Okay, I get it? But what could I do now? What do I need to do to restore the situation? And I would encourage you to flip flop that, not saying that you are already, but flip flop where you believe and you trust that God is building this story and you might not even see it in your father's lifetime. You might not see the restoration that you want, the storybook restoration, the Cinderella story. You might not see that unfold.

But regardless, God is working in you and he's working with this story in some way. And for probably Daniel, for your siblings, they might not have seen what you saw with your dad, the restoration, and we led completely different pasts, completely different lives now God has reconciled all that He's redeemed, all that everybody saved, everybody serving the Lord.

But we went different directions. And in fact, when I would hear stories about my father in that context, I'm like, you're out of your mind, like this doesn't make any sense. But that also shows the power of how God can change somebody. And so I think that's important for us to hold on to, is that we put God first, and we do right by God, we do right by his word and how He calls us to respond to

those particular situations. And the reality is, Ruth, your father should be doing it, but that's not what's happening in this context, and that's unfortunate. You know, both of us, as fathers, our hearts would just be broken if our kids, if there was some kind of a gap or a severing of our relationship with our kids, and so we

would do whatever it takes. And I do believe that sometimes we just get distracted by the wrong things, and so it takes bravery on your part, and I know you probably have even done it to a certain degree, but in this case, being able to say, hey, we need to sit down, we need to talk about this because there's a riff that's happening. We know that it isn't right. We know that we all want to honor God. So let's just have that conversation and let's see where

it goes. That could start something incredibly healing for it. That's so good. And maybe that comes in the form ofquestions to death too, Like Dad, do you feel like you're honoring mom the way that you the way that you should be? And ask him the questions and let him. He might be defensive at first, but let him walk through you. More than likely, yeah, but let him walk through those answers to you, knowing that he's not going to be able to prove himself right and he knows.

And then I also wanted to say, Ruth that your last little paragraph help me. I want to do more. I want to help. I don't know what to do. You're you're kind of reflecting, if you read through the songs, you're reflecting a very psalmist mentality, and that's a good thing. That's a good thing. But you don't have to ask me that on you know the question here of this podcast. This is your prayer. God help me. I don't know what to do. I feel lost. What should I do?

Just bring make that just part of your of your daily prayer, and remember that God that that restoration is is in his hands. The power of the Gospel will affect your dad in some way. Like I said, you might not see it, but it might be reflecting you. You could be Daniel sitting here for the next generation repeating this kind of story of what you saw and what you learned. But I think you're in a good place, Ruth. I think you're asking the right questions. I think your

heart's in the right place. And I think what's really important about this is that your mom is staying faithful. She's not using divorce as an option right, and she will be rewarded for that. I'd really believe it, absolutely. And I'm dan. I'm sorry for hitting you with the first question. Oh my goodness, I should have been more. I should have been better about that. Let me get you something about this subject, says learning to play guitar.

This has got to be easier. Oh goodness, says Hey Granger. I recently purchased a guitar and I love it. I'm trying to teach myself by watching YouTube videos. Is that the wrong way to learn. I'm considering guitar lessons. I just want your opinion. Have you ever considered using or teaching instructional videos on guitar? Thank you for what you do. This is coming from Max in North Carolina. That's an interesting thing because when I learned guitar, there wasn't YouTube.

But I personally think if I was learning today, that would be a really good tool. Oh. Absolutely, it's free. Yeah, it's amazing what you can learn. You literally have the best teachers in the world all sharing their stuff for free. Back in the day when I was learning, nobody would share anything with you, right like you would. I remember I started off on piano. We would go to churches and I would try to look and see what the

guy was doing and he would cover. So why they do that, I don't because they didn't want me to steal there. I'm like, hey, at the church down the street. But whatever, that's how it has man, Max. I would I would say yes. I would say yes to your question. On YouTube, they're going to personal guitar lessons. I think

that's a good thing. But I would I would run with this YouTube thing for about a year and just get some of the basics, get some basic chord progressions, learn your you know the so all the you know five or six seven chords that will get you through your favorite songs. Learn your sales, learn your scales. YouTube will will be great for all of that. Take You might want to take your guitar to a local music music shop and just ask the guys if they could

set it up for you. Make sure the action is good on it, meaning you don't want to you don't want to run your your hands and your fingers ragged on a cheap guitar. Not saying that yours is cheap, not saying that, just saying you might want to take it just to go, hey, can you take a look at this and they could get it set up where it's just easier on your hands, which means you could practice longer. But I'm happy for you, man, this is gonna be It's gonna be a fun adventure. It might

just completely change your life too. Shout out to North Carolina man, thank you, thank you for the question. I think I'm gonna kick this over to you, Daniel. I'm gonna read some of these these subject lines here. We got time for probably one more good question. We'll take a break. Okay, we have a question for your podcast. That's a generic we have I just got married and I need help. I have quitting corporate job getting into music. We have one that just says church with one that

says becoming a father. I have a feeling lost in a fog. Please help me, my girlfriend broke up with me, and grief. Does any of those any of those stand out right at the well, why don't we hit Let's hit the father? One carry on that that says, hey Granger. My name is Kurt from Minnesota, Minnesota, Minnesota. Don't you know I'm a huge fan of your podcast and advice that you've given to so many. I'm becoming a father

this December. We've been on a long journey through infertility for the last four years and it took a huge toll in our relationship. We were actively repairing this relationship and have leaned heavily on our faith in God and each other. Do you have any advice for us and for me becoming a new father and how to be the best leader in our household when this baby boy arrives? Thank you, Kurt? Wow? Well, first, yes, congratulations on that.

This is awesome. Yeah, this is going to be an incredible ride and one of the most fulfilling times of your life. But here's the thing is, oftentimes it doesn't start that way. So when us as guys, sometimes we're not wired as well emotionally as you know our wives are, and as moms are. You know, they've known that baby for nine months before we have ever gotten to meet that baby, and so their dynamic is a little different.

As a father, I think you have to set first in your heart how you're going to raise this child. You know, am I going to raise this child? You know, as a follower of Christ, which I'm sure you are. You'll talked about your faith in God. You want to make sure you're instilling biblical principles. You want to make sure that you're taking time to spend with your baby.

The thing about men is that we develop relationships based on reciprocation, right, So that's like guys, are are you know that we develop friendships based on reciprocation relationships, and that with our child, Well, it's hard sometimes with an infant, yes, yeah, they're taking a lot more than they given right now, right, And so I think what we have to do is we have to make sure and understand that, Hey, what I have right here in front of me is an investment.

It's not just a child's not just my child, not just my baby. But what I'm doing here is when i'm talking to them, and when i'm singing to them, when I'm spending time, I'm planting seeds inside of them that are going to be watered over the course of my life with my words, with my actions, and with time, and then years later, I'm gonna see those things sprout. Hang I'm gonna pause you right there. I'm not even gonna say anything. I just want that to sink in

for a second. That's good. If you guys are listening, just just stop that, just for a second. If you're a brand new dad, that is so good. You're planning seeds even when you're not getting that reciprocation back. That's important because when you plan a seed in the garden, you don't get reciprocation back. You go out and water it all the time, all the time, all the time, and maybe even get frustrated. We've just started gardening a

couple of years ago, so we're learning this. But one day you go out there and there's a sprout and man, let me tell you, we partied over that little sprout. Still took a long time before it turned into fruit or vegetation whatever, but that little sprout. And there's times when you're kids you see that little sprout, that thing that you've invested in them. Now response they reciprocate and man changes everything, and so you want to take that

time to do that. And then I would also say as far as your relationship with your wife, I know a lot of people who have struggled with infertility and been in that journey. Close close friends of mine who I'm thankful have been able to have children. And but there's a lot of pain. There's a lot of hurt that kind of just comes out of us sometimes, and a husband and wife, especially if you're a younger family, you don't always know how to navigate that pain initially,

and that's difficult. I think you have to have a lot of grace for each other and then understanding that ay, you're hurting, and you're hurting in a different way than I am, even though we're both despairing over these challenges, or maybe we're angry and we're taking that out on each other, taking it out on God or the world, or whatever the case may be. I have to understand that what you're going through as a mom is different than what I'm going through as a father, all right,

So we don't want to outdo one another. We want to make sure that we come to this place of completion. Let's talk about it, because if I can understand your perspective and you can understand my perspective, then we can start that journey of healing between each other. You got to have grace for one another, You got to have love. In fact, I would say that the way to really be able to heal that is to be extravagant in your affection towards one another. We don't call it faking it.

We call it faithing it. And so could do it until it becomes real in that context, and I'm not saying that your love for each other isn't real. But what I'm saying is sometimes you've got to motivate yourself to do more, to invest more in that relationship. And then over time, because here's something that we need to realize too. It's not simply that over the course of our lives and over our how long have you been married now, eleven years. Okay, so Celeste and I will

be eighteen years this fall. Over that course of the eighteen years, our love for each other hasn't just grown, it's grown up. It's matured over the course of time. Now we can say things a lot more bluntly to each other not be hurt by each other because we've grown up, we've matured. But when we're young, we don't have that maturity yet. So everything I say that might just be me trying to be real or authentic, might hurt the other person because they're still growing up in

that maturity and that love. And so understand that give it time, give it grace, be extravagant in your affection towards one another, loving each other, spending time together. And I believe that over the course of time, and especially when that child also comes into the world. Man, there's some things that are gonna heal there. Love it man. I love garden analogies, yes, life, And I think that God has created the human life where it has these

perfect seasons. For instance, the nine month pregnancy gets you perfectly seasoned ready for an infant. But then when you're in the infant stage, you have another challenge and another season which lasts six or seven months, which gets them to the first they're sitting up and they're eating solid food. Okay, now you can deal with this, and you deal with that just long enough before they start walking about a year.

And then when they're walking and you've finally got a chance, the child proved the house over the previous months, and then you have a chance before they go into pre k and so it's just it's perfectly lined up. So if you're worried about being a dad, just remember that doesn't happen overnight. You don't just wake up and you got a thirteen year old. You know, you have a perfect grace period and learning because you're going to learn with them. The goal is just to be a little

bit ahead of them, right, that's right now. One thing I want to talk about, kurt Is is your relationship. You said it through the infertility, it took a huge toll, you said, huge toll on a relationship, and we're actively repairing this. So I want you to and it's good you said you're leaning heavily on faith in each other. But I want to also encourage you to think about this, think about that because of the infertility. A baby is

such a blessing. It's such an incredible thing anyway, but then coming out of four years of infertility, it's even more of a prize for you too. So I want you, I want to encourage you to not make that this child your goal or your biggest prize. Make her that, yes, and tell her that and that while she's pregnant, this is a good time to tell her. Just say, babe, I'm so happy and we're so grateful, and we praise

God for this child. But I want to let you know that even if we didn't have this child, I'm happy with you. I love you, and you are what I need on this earth right now. And just just start planning those seats to her and honoring her and giving her so much of this grace and glory that because you don't want to. You don't want the baby to become the thing, because then that that relationship problem could get bigger and bigger as you start dealing with

adolescence with this kid. Man. That is so good and so right on, because you, as a husband and wife, you're the family. You didn't start your family when you started having kids. Y'all are the family and I wonder grangeer too, and maybe what she is dealing with on her side of the pain. Maybe there's questions sometimes with infertility, whether it's on the on the guy's or the guy's fault or not fault, but side of the argument that they think it's their fault, and so there's the pain

that's associated with that. It's like, why can't we just have children like every everyone else? And so I imagine out of that that hurt too, And then you're lumping on you know, whether it's accusations or just hurt for words or maybe not. Maybe they're just flippant words and you didn't realize they heard, and now you're having to rebuild, Like, like, my heart goes out to that because I can't imagine that.

But but man, to what you're saying when you're now lavishing on though, it's like, hey, look, our family isn't about this child, because reality is one day they're gonna grow up, they're gonna move out there, and then it's us again. It is, so it's got to be about us, you know, it's got to be about you know, our foundation isn't God, but God's blessing this and so man, you talk about that gual being head over heels over you to let her know how she's first placed there

in your life, and that's that's amazing. Yell. Let's take a break. We'll be right back, all right. Thanks for watching the Granger Smith podcast. Guys. If you want to find me on tour, it's super easy. Go to Grangersmith dot com. Right there on the homepage, scroll down just a touch and there's all the tour dates. Now you're going to look at those tour dates. You could do two things right there off the homepage buy tickets tab or VIP tab. The vip allows you to actually meet me.

It gives you VIP tickets and a meet and greet where you can come before the show. We could hang out, take pictures, sign anything that you want, and you could also find that on the homepage under meat Granger. So you can do it through the tour site, the tour page, or on the Meet Granger tab. We make it super easy. If you can't go to any of these tour dates. Another thing you could do is you could find me on cameo dot com. You can go to the website or right off the app, the Cameo app. That's c

am EO look up Granger Smith. In that way, I could easily get you a video message to whoever you want. For whatever you want, could be birthday, congratulations on a wedding or a graduation, a pick me up, or a shout out of any kind. I will send you a video recording of me giving you a personalized message to however you want, for whoever you want. I also want to thank you guys for supporting Yegi Apparel Fall launch, which we launched last Friday, just a few days ago.

I'm hoping by the time that you see this, by the time you listen to this podcast, there's still some items that you want. This is most proud I've ever been about an apparel launch from yee I'll say it that way. We have jackets and coats and flannels, beanies for the first time ever to get you ready for wherever you are in the world for your winter apparel. Thank you for trusting us with this brand, Thank you for trusting yege Apparel, and thank you for trusting us

with country music. And of course thanks for listening to the podcast. So, Daniel, what is your title at Celebration in Georgetown. Celebration Church Georgetown, Texas. You were a pastor there, Yeah, I'm an executive pastor. We have a team called the Directional Leadership Team. We're responsible for making decisions about the direction of the church where we're going next. And so my area really where I I don't want to say oversee, but it's kind of my stewardship. Let's put it in

that way. Is our language, is our looks, It's what you experience in and from the church. And we're venturing now into some new arenas where we're in developing a podcast you know, which will be you know, dealing with theological questions things in relation to the church. Have guessed

things of that nature as well. But we're also creating more music and things to kind of get outside of the four walls to be able to minister in a timeless way, which I think you do so great in your music in this like, people are going to be listening to these things for years down the line, yeah, and they'll have that impact. And so we're really for us as a church. Even though we are a church of notable size in this area of central Texas, we still have yet to really venture out into that area.

And I believe that it's it's our time to do that. So I've been stewarded with that responsibility as well as Yeah, just you know the message what we say, you know, we want to make sure it's right. We want to make sure it's theologically sound, and that it is bringing challenges where there need to be challenges, and it's bringing encouragement where they d s be encouragement. I've seen you with a headset on work in production any given sunday.

I've seen you with a headset on during production. I've seen you playing keyboard. I've seen you playing guitar leading worship, or I've seen you preaching, yeah, or I've seen you on the front road just worshiping, whatever it takes. Whatever. You're like the man that if anybody needs anything, you come and then you could handle everything. Well, I'll tell you what it's been when you've grown up in ministry. My dad was a pastor. Like like I said earlier,

he had a church. You learned how to do everything, man, So you just kind of jump in where you need to. Some particularly and then some things I do just because I love to do. I love to play, I love the lead worship. I love to do that kind of stuff. And so when you know it's asked upon me, hey can you do this, I'm like, Hey, I'm all in, yeah, go and so yeah, we have a blast. On a side note, for those of you that have seen the sermon that I posted on this channel, Faster, Daniel wrote

that with me, So we wrote that together. I would say that I pulled it out of you. I wouldn't say that we wrote it together. That's your message, man, But I tell you what, it was awesome to be able to do that and to see you preach it and to just see now the response that's happened. You're getting more opportunities to share that message. People need to hear that message of hope, love it. Man. Well, it's an honor to have you on this podcast. And now

I'm going to have you pick another one. Okay, So do you remember any of those ones? I said, Oh, yeah, there was one church. What do we do to the church? Church? It just says church, that's all it says, Dear Granger. I need help. I want to attend the church I attended as a child. The problem is that church is about one hundred miles from where we live. I want to attend in person because I do want to be able to take communion. It's very important to me to

do that. I feel that baptism, confirmation, and sacraments and standing in church saying your wedding vows are all very important. I'm ready to commit to going there once a month because of the distance and the fact that I live on a limited income. The church is very important to me. I attended the first twelve years of my life, and I didn't set foot in that church until I was an adult, and I cried the whole service. When I did, I felt like I finally was home again. Help me, please,

I hope to hear from you. You always give out great advice, and may God bless you and your family. This has come from Linda, and I don't see where she's from. Linda, thank you, thank you for emailing. I kind of have some mixed thoughts on this one. I do too. I almost have like a couple of options. Yeah, please share it. Yeah, it almost kind of depends, like maybe she's in a small town and there's nothing there.

But I always want to encourage people to be local and to be able to You can't really have one foot in one door and one foot out and really get involved that way. And it's it's almost like you are going to the childhood church for a some kind of nostalgic reason that it's it's you're reliving the first

twelve years. I mean, that's a great time, the first twelve years of your life that I want to encourage you to to really discern whether that's a nostalgia that's drawing you back to your childhood or if it's really the word of God that you're hearing better than you've ever heard anywhere else. It's going to be tough to discern those things. It is. What do you think about this? What if someone told you this, Let me put it

this way. What if someone in Georgetown moved one hundred miles away and they said, I really love celebration and I'm struggling with not being able to come back. In fact, I want to come once a month. Well, I think there are a couple of things. I think you nailed it in that you've got to discern to care, where does God want you? Where has God place you? The reality is that does happen sometimes, and sometimes it's out of people's control, at least in that particular moment in

their life. Maybe it's a job thing or whatever the case may be, and they can't be there regularly, but their heart is there and they want to be there. Well, hey, look as far as I'm concerned, and that's your church, and you make it work as often as you can. Would I prefer for you to have a local impact. Absolutely.

If you're in a situation where it's like, well, I work here, my church is one hundred miles away, which I don't know if this is your particular situation, but but my heart is really there, then I would started looking for some jobs there and I would say, hey, if this is really where God's called me to be, then let me move and get closer to the church. Here's the deal. We have had moved. We hear all the time people saying I stumbled upon your church online.

I felt so connected. We moved our whole family here to the Austin area so we could attend Celebration church because they felt like there was a calling that God was giving them through the church to come and be a part of it. So that happens. That's a great point. So, Linda, there's obviously a reason you're not doing that. Surely you've

wrestled with this, and surely there's a reason. But if there's not a good enough reason there it is you know, like that seems like that solves a lot of problems. But driving once a month, I don't know if that does it for me. I'm not sure if investing in the local church around you, the one that's within twenty miles, is not better and that and you could maybe you encourage that church. Maybe you become a light in that local church that reflects what you miss from the one

hundred miles church. And maybe they need you there. Maybe they need someone like Linda in their local church to help bring some of those ideas and some of the feelings that you felt, bring that in to their church. Maybe they need you there. So I also want you to consider that maybe this is part of this stirring in you, is that this is God saying, Hey, we want to revive this town where you are right now. I want to bring a revival to where you are.

And I've given you the knowledge of this church that you love, and I want you to take that knowledge and spread it here locally. And you saying that also has made me kind of trigger the thought in my mind is you need community. And so you know we're talking in the context of service. Sometimes we only talking in relationship to a service like nine thirty or whatever your service time is, or your particular church. But the church is so much more than a service. It's a

community exactly, It's a body. And so when you're dealing with challenges. When I think about what we deal we've had a massive ice storm earlier this year, Thank God for the community that we had of people to be able to help each other and do well. If you're not plugged in, you don't have those relationships that maybe you need to navigate a difficult time. And it's hard to do that just being completely sincere. It's hard to do that one hundred miles away. So that's an important part. Yeah,

small groups, yep, yep. The breakfast is that they're going to host the Easter services. It's gonna be hard. You're gonna have family over for Christmas and you're gonna want to go to church, and it's one hundred miles and that that mileage might discourage you from going at all. You might just say I'm just not gonna I'm just not gonna go at all. So I think I think we're kind of leaning. Yeah, yeah, we want to be we want to be local, we want to have we

want to have an impact where we are. I get it. You know, we're not here to tell you this is right, this is wrong. But we've seen the benefit. We've witnessed the benefit of our lives of being local and allowing the local church to minister to us and for us to minister to it and the people that are there. It's just such a blessing. Yeah. Remember when you're tithing to your church as well, that's going a lot of times to the local community, and you're not going to

see that. You're not gonna see the fruits of that tithing as much if it's if it's farther away. So I think the bottom line is quit your job and go get tone, go down. I want to move. I'm just kidding, Linda, You've got some stuff to wrestle with. But that's some great advice from Daniel here. All right, you want to go to this quitting corporate job. It sounds like it's sure. We've been preaching the gospel for a little bit here and we'll go to something. It says, hey,

g and your my name is Jack. I'm from Western New York, small town, a small town outside of Rochester. I'm twenty five years old. I love music, and since the twenty twenty pandemic, I started learning how to play the guitar. I've been playing for over a year now, and I've written a few songs on my own. And my dad really wants me to stay in sales and climb the corporate ladder. But my gut is telling me that I'm meant for something more in this life, and

that music is a part of that. I would love to hear about your journey and any advice you would like to give a guy like me. Starting out, thank you for reading my email, best wishes to your family, Jack, and then he has Proverbs twenty seven to quoted here, let another praise you, and not your own mouth, a stranger and not your own lips. What's up, Jack, and shout out to New York. Yeah, Rochester, twenty five years old,

We have another new beyond guitar. This is a little bit similar to that last question for me, Yeah, a little bit similar. I'm interested to see where you're gonna go with Yeah. Well, the first, first of all, Jack, we honor our mother and father, dad wants you to stay in sales, and and and I think your dad has a really good instinct for that, And so I wouldn't. The last thing I'll do is just throw out that throw out that dad doesn't know what he's talking about.

I would, I would honor honor your father in that in that decision. Not that you have to do that, but I want you to just really simmer on that a little bit. The music business is tough' it's rough, and and what you what you kind of have to realize is why are you pursuing music? Is it to pay the bills? Or is it because it's it's making you happy, it's making it's giving you a creative outlet. Because if that's the case, you could do that and do any other job at the same time. So I

would never discourage anyone from following a passion. But you are new at this and your gut is that scares me. Anytime someone says, my gut's telling me to do this, you need some more evidence. Yeah, that's right. It's not the best. Your gut's not the best decision maker of the dut So pump the brakes when you if you're going to pursue music as a full time career. You're gonna know more than your gut. You're gonna know that

this is leading you this direction. You have a little local venue where you live, and it's sold out every time you play it, and people love it and they want to hear more music. And you you're not just writing a few songs. You're writing albums and you're putting them out. And the little place that you're playing at, the Lions Club or whatever you're playing, they can't fit anybody else in there. And then you're gonna go, maybe there's something to this, like maybe this is bigger than Rochester,

New York. Maybe this is maybe I should venture out. And then you put a band together, and so then you go over to Albany and Syracuse and you play a few shows there, and then you go over to Buffalo and you get some pretty good feedback. So you're still not quitting your job. You're still in the sales job that your dad wants you to be in. Until you go, man, we're doing so well in this upstate New York circuit that the only way I could continue this is by quitting my job. But that's not a

gut no. That's some hard evidence. And the bottom line is, but you could love music and you don't have to make a living with it. And sometimes I use this analogy with with young artists that are like, man, I want to do this. I want to do this, and I'm like, do you like you like cake? Like vanilla cake? And I love cake. I'm like, okay, well, let me put if music was cake, this is what it'd be like. It'd be like, here's some cake. Is this good? This

is like wedding cake? Oh it? Take another bite? Yeah? You sure you like it? I really like it. Here, take the slice? You still like it? I love the slice. Okay, Now I eat the whole cake. And you can never eat anything else but this cake. You're not going to have steak or potatoes, but this cake. You still love it because that's what it's like. That's what it's like to go head first and to quit your corporate job and you do anything you're doing. All you're doing is music.

That's what it's like. You only get one flavor, and so you got to realize, hey, maybe I just like to eat steak, potatoes and have that body cake because you can still do that. Thank you Jack. I appreciate your brother and I hope to see you really soon. We're going to be in New York next week, so maybe maybe we'll see you around. So, Daniel, question for the podcast. I just got married and I need help. My girlfriend broke up with me. Feeling lost in a

fog and grief. Any of those. We've got time for a couple more at least, Well, let's do the My girlfriend broke up with Okay, okay, Hey Grangeer, I'm twenty two years old. I'm from Alabama. Shout out to Alabama and pastor Christian. Yeah rolling no tithes over where he is? Yeah, I don't. I'm not sure if what's he's saying, if he's eagle or tied here. But I'm twenty two years old from Alabama. I've recently started listening to your podcast, and I've been a long time listening to her music.

I'm so glad that you use God to help your fans and your followers. I was a year and a half into relationship with a girl. I wanted to marry her, and she broke up with me. I thought things were going great. I was good to her and treated her well. I thought that she would never leave now one or back. I have done a lot of things to change myself. She is extremely ambitious and working four jobs this summer and applied to graduate school. I love and care about

her so much. She has been she has been so good to me. But now I'm very hurt because she dated a guy before me, and I think she wants him back. When she when she broke up with me, she said she just needed time and space. I miss her so much. I pray for her safety and healing every day. I'm also in my Bible every day trying to prove myself. How do I get her back? How do I show her I'm a better man so that

she will give me a second chance? Thank you, Slate. Wow, Slate, Well, let me just let me tell you that a woman that is working that hard probably doesn't even have time to be dating and be in a relationship to start. She sounds very ambitious, like she's going after it. Here's the thing, Here's the thing. I want you understand, Slate, because I think it's so important for us to realize that the only person we want to make the center

of our world is Jesus. We want to make sure that some especially, they're not our wives, they're not our like. We can't make them the center of our world because there are greater things in store for you. I know it's difficult, and I know when you've invested time in a relationship, especially at your age, we go all in. Man, our emotions are in, like we're all in, and then it doesn't pan out the way that we want, and there's no other alternative but to want to get the

person back. I think those things are natural. All right, that's the heart's response. But the reality is is we don't make decisions with our heart. We make decisions with our head. Our heart and its emotions inform probably our states like there's something up, there's something going on. That's cool. But the reality is is you only make reactions with

your heart. You make decisions with your head. So you have to be willing to say I'm going to make a decision with my head that my heart does not necessarily agree with, and be willing to understand that you, with God in your life, are already complete. You don't need anybody else. You're already complete, and he's working on you. He's making you better. Okay, you're not becoming better to

get some girl back. That isn't the goal there. You're becoming better because you are being conformed into the image of Christ. You are becoming more like God. You're becoming a better person because the world needs the best slate that you have to offer. So there are great things in store for your life. There's greater things in store

for your life than just one particular relationship. Okay, I believe that the more that you're trying to pursue God, there's going to be someone who's gonna come in your path. That men, that chemistry is going to be You're gonna know, you're gonna have that feeling of like, all right, I get it, this is what I've been waiting for. But you don't want to hit pause on your life because there's a part of you that's grieving a relationship that

is ended. You know, you want to make sure that you're still pursuing God, You're still learning, you're still equipping yourself, you're still working hard build something. Here's the thing too, Jesus never called a disciple who wasn't working. They were all in and doing something, all right, and and he calls him into great things. He wasn't looking for the guy that was, you know, still living in his mom's basement and she done got a job, didn't got it.

He was looking He wasn't looking for the most educated guys, but he was looking for some hardworking people. So what do I mean by that? Is that hard work, perseverance, building on yourself, learning, developing, utilizing wisdom that gets you

noticed by more than just Jesus. Right. Yeah, but but but I think that as long as you're engaging that, as long as you make sure you're prioritizing the right relationship in your life, then that person that is going to be your spouse that you're going to start that family with it was going to see that, They're going to notice that, they're going to perk up, and then man, you start that relationship is going to be awesome. This is probably one of the most that was amazing, Daniel,

That was amazing. I can't beat anything that you just said. This is one of the most common kinds of questions that I get to this podcast. My girlfriend broke up with me or my boyfriend broke up with me, and how do I get her back? Because I want her back? And she told you she needed time and space give her time and space. Yep, you say you're reading your Bible every day. I believe that if you continue that, you're going to see the truth that Daniel just spoke of.

You're going to see words like being content, being content with where you are and who you are today, and you became I say this with all all kindness. I started to sound like a broken record here. I want her back, I need her? What do I do? Help me? I want her back? And that just screams to me that you you have to work on yourself. Yeah, she's not There's something, there's something missing it. Once again, I say that in the nicest way because I've been there.

I know Daniel's been there. We've all been there. And when you're twenty two, it might seem like the walls are just caving in, but time is going to heal you. Time going by. Every day that goes by, you're gonna feel a little bit more content without her, and you're gonna feel little bit more content with who you are because she was, she was becoming and maybe already was

your identity. That's a dangerous thing, slate for her to become your identity, because what if she did come back and what if you continue to worship her and glorify her, and what if what if you lost her to a car accident? Then you're you're on suicide watch at that point, because she is your identity and you have to you have to be able to honor her with the space that she needed. And there's no tricks that I could tell you, or that Daniel could tell you. There's no

books to read on how to win her back. She's got everything Daniel said. If you rewind that, you becoming the man that the world needs you to be will attract maybe not even her. I'm kind of secretly hoping not here, it's going to attract someone even better. And you might hear that, go, no one's better than her. But I promise you, man, at twenty two, I promise you, there is. And you got a lot of time, and you got a lot of life and a lot of things to figure out. And it's an exciting time to

be twenty two. It's an exciting time. It's also but you know what, it's also hard to hear that you probably have heard already. People tell you that, man, you're only twenty two. Da da da, I get it. It's hard to hear that, But if you're willing to understand that your twenties really truly are for learning. All right, I know you might start your career in your twenties. I know you're doing college and all of that kind,

but really your twenties are for learning. You're you're going to now start really figuring yourself out in your thirties, and then when you hit your forties, you're really going to be kind of in the thing that you feel like you're called, like you're going to start navigating into that space. Understand that this time, man, is for your

own development. Like, really, you know what you can learn, you know, biblical principles, being the church, all of that, as well as being educated, getting mentors in your life who can help fill some of that space that you have there. Man, that's going to pay huge dividends for you.

And I'll be honest, You're going to go down the line a couple of years of doing that, and let's say she does come back around, She's probably going to be a lot less attractive to you at that point, Yeah, because of the person you've become while just pursuing your own development, being a better person. Just like we said on that very first question. Flip the script because you're saying I want her. I want her. Number two. I read the Bible. I'm trying to improve myself, but I

really want her. Just flip that. Flip it. Make the Bible and your development towards that the number one thing, and make the relationship or the next relationship down the line, and watch how that's going to transform your life. I'm excited for you, Slate, and thank you for emailing buddy. Yeah, let's let's knock out one more. We got time for one more. Let's do it. Which what do you think is the best we got? We have the generic question for your podcast, which is always you never know the

grab bag we have. I just got married, feeling lost in a fog. We also have grief. Let's have grief. Why don't we deal with Why don't we You probably talk about grief a lot. Yeah, it does come up a lot, does come up a bit. But I'm dealing with the a little bit of grief today. You know, we've just lost someone that is close to us, literally had a heart attack. Let's go there this morning. You want to go to this fresh on my mind? Yeah, okay, it says, Hey, grade your My name is Gloria from

Washington State. I'm a huge fan and I met you to meet and greet in Seattle. Thank you, Gloria. My question is this, my husband passed away in September twenty twenty, and then four months later January twenty twenty, when my brother passed away. How do you deal with that much grief in such a short period of time. Wow. Well, I think there's a lot of things that play into dealing with grief because grief is so impactful in a

multiple in multiple areas of our lives. I think some of the things that I would say initially is one, you have to allow yourself to grief, because grieving is a process that I have found is unique for each individual. I lost my father at twenty two years of age, and my grieving I didn't cry. I didn't for a whole year. I just, I don't want to say I was numb. I wasn't numb to life. I wasn't numb to but I just felt like the way that I saw people grieve their loved ones, I didn't experience that.

So I thought something was wrong with me. And then one day after we had Serena she's a baby. I remember in our apartment she did something. I can't remember what she did, but it was something that just tickled me so much, and I went to grab the phone to call my dad to tell him, yeah, and I realized I can't do that anymore. And man, you talk about the floodgates. You know, this may have been a year and a half to two years later, and I just lost it and I grieve for about two weeks.

But it was different for everybody. But I had to be okay with that. I had to come to that place of saying, hey, look, this is how I'm grieving now. I don't know why. I don't have answers to those questions, yeah, but I just know that I need to allow myself to go through this process so that I can be in a place now to be able to heal. The worst thing you can do, and I'm not accusing you of doing this, I don't even think that you are doing this, but is to try to not go through

that process of grief. You have to allow yourself to grieve that in whatever way is you know is natural and it's comforting in that particular moment. You don't want to run to bad things. You don't want to run to things that are going to be destructive for your life. But it's okay. It just makes sense for you to be sad. It makes sense for you to be hurting. Now. I can already tell you that you're on the right track because you've reached out to ask for help. All right.

When someone's in a bad place with grief, they don't want anybody's help. So you're already going into that direction of that healing process in this regard. So I just want to encourage you to keep going down that road. You know, obviously, you know you have answered grief questions a lot. You've dealt with grief. You know, we were talking about our dads, you know, dying and stuff in similar fashions. I mean, what would you say to that, to how a person navigates that. Yeah, I think you

said it right. You gave a good example of how the seven steps of grief or whatever is not. There is no order, there's no steps, and there is no number two and number three. Everyone is different. And Daniel just said he grieved a year and a half after his dad died, and some people go right into it the second it happens and they're just instantly grieving. So it was something something that I saw amberdo and she went right into grief share class with other people that

really helped her. I wasn't interested in doing that, but I will. I will mention this because it helped her tremendously to get with a group of other people and what happens to glory you go do. There's going to

be a local I'm assuming you're close to Seattle. There's definitely a big grief Share grief Shared community in Seattle, and you could go and join Christian based grief Share and you're going to sit in a group, in a loving environment with other women that are encouraging you that some of them have lost husbands or brothers or kids or parents, and everyone will have a story and you'll start seeing these overlapping stories with yours and you'll go,

that's me. In fact, I didn't even realize that was me, but that's me. And then you hug and you cry, and then you exchange cell phone numbers and then you go to dinner. And it's when we can do it as a community to get other It's just so it lifts you up, and that's why the pandemic was so hard when we separated. Yes, because we are community based people. We need we need to be in the room, not

not on a FaceTime call with someone grieving. You need to be in a room sharing a meal with some other women that could just hold you and say, Gloria, this your story happened to me thirty two years ago. And I hope it comes. Yes, and you'll just you'll find lifetime friends through this that you share this and a fraternity that you never wanted to join. Yeah, but thank God for that. Here's here's the thing that I

would share with you again. You know I'm pastor, so it's always going to come back to faith for me. Is that your grief, your pain, your questions, your anger, maybe even towards God. God's big enough to handle all of that. God's big enough to take your questions. God's big enough to help you navigate your grief. The Bible says that Jesus was a man of sorrows, that he was well acquainted with grief, like he experienced it. He knew what it was like to be forsaken on the cross.

He knew what it was like to be rejected by his own people. He knew what it was like to be denied by his own disciples, and he is well acquainted. He can handle the raw and the intense and even the explicit frustration and grief and pain. So I would encourage you to take it to God. And as you do, what you're going to see is you're going to see

that healing begin to happen. I would encourage you, as a believer to continue to pray, continue to go to church, even when it's difficult, it feels hard, continue to worship God. Put on worship music. Just put on you know, and do that. Because I will also say that when we worship God in grief and in despair, it's really special to God. And why is that Because that's only that worship we can only give God on this side of eternity.

One day we'll be in heaven, we'll never be able to give God that kind of worship again, but we can give it here. And as we do that, and as we trust Him, what He begins to do is he begins to heal our heart. He begins to heal our pain. The Bible says that we overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony. The more you begin to share your story with other people, you're going to heal on the inside because God is faithful. Love it. I love this podcast in the sense that

we're talking to Gloria. But I know there's a lot of people listening that go, that's me. The people that didn't email, that's me. That's me. Right now, insert my story here, Gloria. I want to say that. Lastly, I want to say this too, Beware of guilt. Guilt is a thief and a liar. And I'm not talking even in the sense of the death itself of your your husband, but in the sense that you might smile or laugh and instantly feel guilty that you just smiled and laughed

and your husband's dead. How could you dare smile or enjoy this meal, or go to a concert and laugh at a song. How dare you do that when your husband's dead. That is a liar, and that is a thief of your joy. Don't let it enter your mind. Don't fall into the temptation of thinking that you can't be whatever your emotion is now, whether that's smiling, happy, or crying or mourning, whatever it is is okay, wherever you are and whatever you feel. If you feel like laughing,

that's okay. Just live in that, just be in that. And I hope you email back and we could get an update. Yeah, this has been fun. Hey, thank you so much. Thank you for having me, and thank y'all so much for the questions. And uh really, I just feel like, man, I've just stepped into the living room of so many people and so that's just that's just incredible. Thank y'all for your transparency, your vulnerability, and for inviting

me in to this space. Just the thrill of my life. Man, an honor to be here, to be a part of this. I hope that you come back. I hope we can continue this. They might not. They might not. They might not not allow you to come to back. They might be like, we gotta have Daniel, man, you gotta have I would love to get him back on the podcast. I think I think that we're going to start seeing that, man,

because you're you're really you're good at this. Hey, bro, thank you so much, and I just thank you for your friendship and uh man, just the blessing you are in my life. Thank you, my brother. We'll see you guys soon. Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that little like button and notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload

a video. If you have a question for me that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Ye