#214 You Can't Love with Expectations

in front of me. As if we're just two friends riding in the truck and you say, hey, man, can I run something by you? And I talked through it. That means that I'm not always right, you know. I'm just giving you the best advice that I would give a friend. And sometimes it's just like a knee jerk response, right because I'm not always Sometimes I'm not always thinking it all the way through. I'm just like, hey, there's my first here's my first response, so take it as

you will. The email for this is podcast at grangersmith dot com. This is a new email that used to what it used to be, so podcast at grangersmith dot com. It's a new email. Shoot me over an email and try to make it about a phone link long. If you make it too long, it gets more difficult to read on the podcast. But let's jump right into these and there is there's no rhyme or reason today to

what we're going to do. Okay, first question says help subject line, and the email says, I'm fifty eight years old and no one loves me. I give and give, but no one helps me when I need it. That's the end of the email. It says sent from my iPad. So we've got an anonymous emailer here and fifty eight years old, and there's just one simple plea. It says, I give and I give, but no one helps me

when I need it. No one loves me. It's so interesting if we if we if we take something so simple without knowing any context, without knowing this person, without knowing their situation or their story, or maybe what has triggered this, maybe something that has happened recently, or maybe this is something that's been going on over and over and over. It's interesting that we can take a lot

from just these two sentences. Right, So, without context, without knowing this person, I would say you you think you're thinking that love requires reciprocation. Okay, you say no one loves me period. Or you could say because I give and give, but no one helps me when I need it. So you're saying to qualify someone to love you, they must help you when you need them or when you

need help. Okay. It's interesting because when you say I give and give, it's almost is once again no context here, it's almost if you give and give and expect help and return. That's not strange that you expect that, right that that would be normal to think I'm paying in so that I can get paid back. But that's not love. That's what's crazy. If we think about it just from these two sentences. Love is never self searching, self desiring,

self needing, self replenishing. It's always outward. It's not anything that you get back. So if you are not speaking about them, if you are loving and expecting something back, then I would question is that love? Once again no context here. So I don't know your story, but it's interesting to think of it in that way. What if you went with the mindset of hey, I'm gonna whoever this person is, Hey, brother, I'm gonna help you out. I'm gonna be there for you. I'm gonna listen to you.

I'm gonna i'm gonna learn your love language. I'm gonna bring you a gift. I'm gonna give you acts of service. I'm gonna I'm gonna give you words of affirmation. I'm gonna I'm gonna be here just to sit with you in empathy. And by the way, I don't need anything from you, nothing, nothing, I don't need. I don't need you to reciprocate any of this. I just as gratitude of my love for you. I'm just I'm just giving you this unmerited favor. This is my grace towards you. Right.

I wonder if that kind of mind shift changes things, and it might not. I mean, you might just be around the wrong people. But no one is unlovable. Let's put it that way. You are not unlovable. There's no way. There's no human on this planet that is unlovable. Now, sometimes it takes that switch, that that mind switch, that shift, and I don't think you have that yet. I don't think you've shifted that way. I don't think you've looked at love as self less. I think you're looking at

it as you're needing. You're needing, You're needing. I'm giving, I'm giving, Granger, I'm giving, but I'm not getting anything. I go, oh, that's not love. That's not love because it doesn't require anything in return. That's interesting, right. I hope this helps you. Just two sentences, but pretty deep here. Next question, it says grandma in law. That's the subject line. Three years ago, it says when my youngest son was born,

my wife's grandma called me. This was after he was born nine weeks premature and was spending time in the NICU, which turned out to be a six week stay. During this time, I had to stay at home, an hour away from the hospital, to work and take care of the dog. My wife was staying with her parents and our oldest son. I had two weeks of paternity leave that I used when he was born and another one when he came. The issue arose when she called me and told me that I was not being a man

and taking care of my family. She said I needed to be there for them through everything. At the time, we were not in a financial situation where I could commute that far every day and pay for someone to take care of our dog. To me, staying and working was how I had to take care of my family. They had to have a roof over their head and they were out of the hospital. When they were out of the hospital. Am I wrong for doing this? How do I forgive her for telling me that I'm not

a good husband. It's been weighing on me for three years and she refuses to apologize. I see it as my job as the sole provider to provide and ensure my family's taking care of. Thanks for your time. Please keep this anonymous if you read it on your podcast. Okay, I appreciate you, ma'am. Thanks for emailing. I think I

got your situation. And what's interesting is, hmm, it's interesting how these two questions so far in this episode have kind of correlated together, because you could almost say that the first question I got that said I give and give and I get nothing. It's a shorter version of what this email was, just a lot more detail and a lot longer. This is someone who is expecting something out of their love. They're expecting something and not in

a not in a healthy way. Because of course, of course, listen, y'all, don't hear me wrong that when you love, there's there is an expectation that, for instance, a spouse in this case, there's an expectation that the spouse gives back and loves you back. But just because that expectation, a level of that expectation is there, doesn't mean that that's why you do it, right? Does that make sense? You love not expecting anything, but you also know that there is an

expectation that you'll get it. But that's not why you love. You love out of your own grace. That would is unmerited, favored you. You have a favor on your wife. You love your wife. You you're so pleased with your wife. You want to give to your wife. When when you say your vows, you say until death do us part. You say for better or for worse, and sickness and in health, you love regardless of what you get out

of it. That's true love loving your spouse in a way that, regardless of what you get out of it, how you benefit from it from her, you still give it because you love her. That's what you said in your vowels. That's what it means to say for better or for worse, you love, you give, You're not needing anything back. And what's crazy about it is when love works in that way, in that selfless way, you do

get it back. That's the circle, right. It's crazy how many episodes we've done and and kind of hit on the same thing. It's crazy that of all the questions is complex as they get in all the problems. So many times it's fi by being selfless, stop worrying about yourself, stop needing things for yourself, and you go, but Granger, I don't get anything. I say, stop stop being needy, stop wanting, stop needing to have yourself filled up by them. And it's crazy. Then when you do stop needing it,

you actually get it. You actually get what you originally wanted, just because you started being selfless. And she said, she said, what do you need from me? And you say, maybe I need nothing from you. I just want to get I just want to serve you. I want to be here for you. How could I be a better husband when she says you were not here for us during the pregnancy. Listen, ma'am, it doesn't matter what your story is. And I'm not saying I don't believe you, but there

has to be a shred of truth to that. There has to be more than just I needed Hey, Granger, I was being a good man and I was staying at home, earning money and taking care of the dog. Now she says I wasn't there. There has to be something more, like she has to have seen something that I don't know from this email. And so when she says, look, you weren't there during the pregnancy, you weren't there during the birth, you say, instead of saying I need you,

I need you to just apologize for this. I'm a good man. Instead of that, all that, stop stop that. Instead of that, you say, I want to be better for you. I don't want to make that mistake again.

I want to be a better husband. This whole taking care of the dog thing, it was wrong, and in your mind you might be thinking I thought it was right, and you can even say that, look, I thought that was her right move at the time, but I know now because of how you're reacting to it, that's not what you wanted and what I want because I love you, what I want to do what you want right. My desire is your desire. So tell me, baby, what is it. It's crazy If you take that approach, I guarantee you

things will start turning around. Maybe not right at the beginning, but slowly you start breaking down those walls with that. She says, let's look at your email again, and said it's been this is your words. It's been weighing on me for three years. And she refuses to apologize. You see how self serving that is. You see how self seeking that is. There's nothing self less about it. You say, how do I forgive her for telling me that I'm not a good husband. It's been weighing on me for

three years? And she refuses. Dude, I get that this is hard, and I'm not here on this podcast to like coddle you. I'm not here to say, buddy, man, that sucks. Man. She must be she must be a bad woman. Man. You deserve bad bro, You're working hard, you deserve You want me to say that I'm not. That's not what this Maybe there's an there's probably another podcast that does that. But on this podcast, I'm gonna say stop it, man, that sounds self serving. Flip it around.

Even though your mind says no or your heart says no, you go in and go. Baby. I want to tell you something. Could I sit down with you? This has been three years now, I've been carrying around this burden. I've been carrying this around because three years ago, when we had this baby, you said I wasn't there for you said I wasn't a good husband. And I've been carrying because that, because that hurt me, because I want to please you, because I want to be a good husband.

I've been carrying that around. And Baby, I don't I don't need. I don't need an apology. That's not what I'm asking for. I don't need an attitude adjustment from you. I'm not asking for that, certainly. What I want is I want to know, right here today, how I could turn this around. And I know, Baby, I know it takes a long time to earn it, and I know I know trust is earned, and I got to build this up and I'm ready to begin. That's the first step. I'm here to learn. I'm here to know what you need,

how I could serve you as a husband. Have Do I do that? But do you try that? You try that and see what happens. A sponsor of this podcast today is Shopify, and we've been using Shopify at ee Apparel at EEE dot com, at grangersmith dot com, for a long time, as long as I could remember, at least ten years. I don't remember when we first signed on with them. But if you want to grow your business,

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slash granger. Next question, here it says, well, the subject line says bullying, but then I don't think that's what the email says at all. The email says, Hey, Granger, how do I know if the career I am in is right? Is the right career for me? I don't know why the subject line says bullying, but that's what it says. The email literally says, how do I know if the career I'm in is the right career for me? That's it. This is the episode of the short the

one liners. Okay, so once again here we go. No context, that's okay. I don't need context. That's not what this is about. I'm not like, hey, give me all the details you can. That wouldn't work. So I'm going by just what I know, which is you're having doubts about your career. Okay, going by just that how do I know if the career I'm in is right for me? It's I'd say, you make a list and you get you get some details down one. Are you paying the bills? Okay?

Are you not paying the bills? Is it not enough to pay the bills? I don't think it's the right career for you. Done? Are you just getting by? You're barely paying the bills? Okay? Then you say, okay, do I love it? Do I absolutely passionately love it? Let me say nah, I don't. Okay, then it's not the right career for you. If it's barely paying the bills, just barely, and you don't love it, it's not the

right career for you. So then we move on. We go, okay, now you're you're not only paying the bills, but you're making a little extra. And then I say do you absolutely love it? And you go, no, I don't. I don't think I do. I just I just I'm getting by, Like it's okay, it pays the bills and get a little extra and that's it. Then I say, okay, let's not trash this, but this is a good holding career.

This is a good career that we just kind of wrap up and we just do we do out of loyal because this is this is what we're supposed to do. We need to get out, we need to work with our hands, and we need to make a living. We need to pay the bills, put a little bit in the bank, which is what this career is doing. You don't love it, that's okay, but you could hold on

to it. You could hold on to it and right now now you could start taking a few maybe classes, maybe going to that that that tech school a little bit. Maybe maybe you're getting that CDL you're working on. Maybe you're working on a pilot's license down here at the local airport. You're you're trying some new things. You're interning somewhere maybe at night, right, so you're trying a couple other things. You're building your skill set. I've heard it said like you need all the tools you can get.

You still got to get out of the cave and go make your kill, but you need to start collecting your tools. And your tools are what you know in your mind. Right And that's that's your CDL, that's your Police Academy degree, that's your fire school, that's your tech school. That's undergrad college. Maybe that is uh, that's that's all these things that you're building, tools that are giving you options. Welding school, plumbing school, there's giving you options to grow

and go. Man. You know what, you know what I've always wanted to do, Granger. I've always wanted to go to Alaska and fly floatplanes for hunters. Get contracts, take them out here, take them out, drop them off, go get this hunter. I mean, I know that, Granger, I know that's a crazy dream, but I've always wanted to do that. I say, okay, we'll go down to your local airport here and start pilot's license to start your lessons. If you can't afford it, just do a little bit.

You're making a little extra with this job, right, so you're building something towards that. Let's move on to the next scenario. You're making a lot of money, a lot of money at this job, and you don't like it. You hate it, you hate it. I say, if you're making a lot of money and you've you've been able to put a little bit aside, then jump out of it. Live on what you have. If you have three months worth of income put aside and you hate this job,

it's tearing you apart mentally, physically, emotionally. You're drained. Now. You're in a place where you might not be good for the next job or the next interview. You're certainly not good to be taken any of these tech school classes because you just you're so drained because you hate the job. Now, I say, get out. It's not their right career for you. Get out right now, and let's live on that nest egg a little bit. You got

three months to jump into something else. Maybe you jump into another job that's like equal pay to your bills, and you're just kind of in this holding pattern, you see what I mean. So what I'm doing, I don't have any notes in front of me, and I've never thought about this kind of specific scenario. But all I'm trying to get you to do in this podcast right now is think through it, logically, think through scenarios, write things down. It's gonna be about passion for it, love

for and are you paying the bills? Okay? Is there someone at your job you absolutely hate? You hate your boss. You can't even stand to see his face. It just brings you down. You got a little extra cash, get out, you don't have extra cash, suck it up. Be looking for something else in the meantime. Right. So, I'm not telling you yes or no, because I don't even know through the context. But what I am telling you is, use some logic, use some ration. People, that's all we

gotta do. Use our minds and start unpacking this. Right Get off of Instagram, get off of TikTok. Right now. You don't have time to play PS five. Right now, we've got to work on this thing. We got to get our pen and paper and work this out. Next question, subject Clin says, help my dad believe? Hey Granger, my name is Caleb. I'm eighteen years old. My parents are both believers, and I've been in church my whole life. My question is how do I help my dad believe

in heaven? When he says, how does a rapist or murder or death row get saved in the death chair and we as Christians have to try to live a perfect life to get to heaven. Also, how do I honor my dad but also try to tell him when he is wrong about religion? Okay, all right, Caleb, so let me kind of help let me unpack this for myself. Eighteen you say, my parents are both believers. But that's then going against what's happening in the email. So it sounds like your dad is not a believer. Right, So

we'll start there. I mean literally, your subject CLIENTE says, helped my dad believe, and then the next line is my parents are both believers. That's not okay, So in your mind you got to know dad's not. Dad's not. Let me see what your dad is arguing here, help my dad believe in heaven? When he says this is his argument, how does a rapist or murderer on death row get saved in the death chair and we as Christians have to try to live a perfect life to

get to heaven. I don't understand either one of those scenarios. First of all, what do you mean murder gets saved in the death chair? And also what do you mean Christians have to live a perfect life? I don't understand Christians. Let's start there, because I don't understand the death row thing. Maybe you're talking about like some miraculous you know, pastor goes and preaches the Gospel and he gets saved. Maybe that's what I don't know. I don't know. I'm gonna

leave that alone. But the Christians, we do not. This is okay, we can't. I should say that we can't live a perfect life. Just stop right there, much less do that in order to get to heaven. We can't. This is what I would do. I'm gonna make this as easy as possible for everyone listening, and for you, Caleb. You're gonna go to your dad, and this is good for you too. It's not just good for your dad.

It's great for you. You're gonna go to You're gonna pull out your Bible and you go, Dad, I want to read some stuff together, right, And so you're gonna pull up the Book of Romans. Oh man, that's good, it's good. The Book of Romans will not only change your dad's life, it'll change yours and whoever's listening right now. Literally, the

Book of Romans saved my brother Parker. The Book of Romans is famous also for saving amongst millions of others, but also Martin Luther, which is the beginning of the Reformation. So the Book of Romans, if you go there and just start at the beginning, and so if you go to chapter one, verse sixteen, right, it's gonna say I'm not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation for everyone who believes. And then

it's gonna say something crazy after that. And I want you to take that with your dad, and when you walk through verse seventeen, which is the verse literally the verse that saved Martin Luther once he finally understood it, because it says, I don't want to give it away, because I want you to explore this with your dad. I think it would be I think it would be an incredible, an incredible journey to walk slowly through it, not fast, not read it. You read it through once

and you go, I don't get it. Walk through every word of it. And I want you to go through the first three chapters that way, and if you want to keep going, But the first three chapters it's going to say basically this, it's gonna say you cannot do it. You cannot live a perfect life. But a perfect life from you is required for heaven. That's kind of what your dad's saying. Only a righteous person is required. Only a righteous person can get into heaven. That's what it's

going to say in chapter one. But here's the thing. You can't be righteous. It's gonna say that right there, right, So let me say this another way. God demands from you righteousness, but you are a sinner and you're too far gone to give him what he demands. Because he's a holy God. He demands from you, as a holy God, righteousness, right, which is what you're saying, a perfect life. We'll use those two things as the same. God. A holy God demands from you righteousness, but you are too far gone

to give it to him. So the gospel is God devises a plan at the cost of his son's life, his only son, to go to the cross and to die, the only one that's righteous, the only one that lived a perfect life, Jesus goes to the cross and dies as a substitute for you, and whoever believes then gets credited that righteousness back to him. So God demands, a

holy God demands righteousness from you. You can't give it, and in his mercy he gives you the righteousness that he demands back to himself so that he could reconcile you to himself. These are not my words, This is not a theory, This is not something I just made up. This is the Book of Romans. Check it out. Walk through it with your dad. So if anyone wants to

get a hold of me. You're listening to the podcast right now, and you think, Man, I would love for Granger to shoot me a text or send me a video message on something else, on some other subject, maybe a little pick me up. Maybe I wish Granger would give me a happy birthday wish. Or my brother's a huge fan he could use a happy birthday. Maybe with the holidays coming up, you're thinking, what do I get my kid? What do I get my nephew? What do I get my brother or my wife? What do I

What kind of present do I get them? They already have what they need. Well, how about a gift of cameo And what that is is you got a cameo dot com slash Granger Smith and you could find me on there and you just say, hey, Granger, I want you to send a message to my wife and just say happy birthday or Merry Christmas, whatever you want me to say. It's right there in the app in the form. It's super easy. I get that notification on my phone, I take it, do the selfie cam and then send

it right back to you. Super easy. Cameo dot Com slash Grangersmith. That's c ame eo dot com, or you can look for me on the cameo app granger Smith. Next question. The subject line here says please read on the podcast. By the way, these are random, That's not the reason I'm reading it, just to say. The email says, Hey Granger, I'm Jackson. I am fifteen. There is a girl at my church who I like very much, and she liked me too, and we talked for like four

or five months. She's fourteen, by the way. At youth group, she took me aside but still in front of everybody, and said that she would rather be friends than in a relationship. Now I'm not allowed to have a girlfriend until I'm sixteen, but she is. I believe there is something to do with another boy. I believe that this is I think you meant to say this has something to do with another boy at school. I know how you feel about relationships at such a young age, and

I wish that I didn't get into this one. My parents were okay with me talking to her as long as we didn't have a title on their relationship. My only problem is I still really like her, and I don't know how I'm going to handle seeing her every Sunday and Wednesday. I already go to the gym quite often with a buddy and my brother, plus take kickboxing classes and kung and I'm homeschooled, so I wake up early and I usually get done with school by noon or a little later. But I need advice on how

to get over her quicker. Yes, I have no social media or anything like that. Thanks for recommending the McShane plan. It's really helped strengthen my relationship with Godee. Love you man, Jackson. I like to see moo. Thanks Thanks buddy fifteen years old. It's always so impressive that a fifteen year old is listening to a very adult podcast. I should say, you know, we're talking about a lot of very adult issues on here,

and dude, it's just really encouraging. It's really encouraging that that there are fifteen year olds that are looking for deeper things, right, So thank you Jackson. And I think that's also a testament to homeschooling. I think that's that. I think that's a great thing because I think there's a correlation between a homeschooled kid that's listening to this podcast. I think there's something there, and we can discuss that another time maybe, But you've got a good old fashioned

girl problem, Jackson. That's what's going on here. And I love how you said this. You said I need advice on how to get over her quicker? Right. I mean that's a great way to say it, because what you're saying is by that sentence, you're saying, listen, I know I need to get over her, and I know I will. I just need to speed it up because this is not working out. This isn't very fun right now. Right. It's like saying I've got the flu and doctor, hey, doc, how do I get over this quicker? And he says

it's going to take about eight days? And you go, what could I do to make it three? Because I don't like the flu? That's what you're saying, and it's a great thing. A couple other things I like. I would like this email, by the way, if you kise you can't tell. The other thing I like is how you say this. You say, I know how you feel about relationships at such a young age, and I wish I didn't get into this one. And then you go on to say, my only problem is I still really

like her. There's something so real and raw about that. Because when I say, hey, look on this podcast, I'm not advocating young teenage relationships, I wish that. Let's see, I didn't really get into relationships until about fifteen about your age, Jackson, and I look back and I go, man, my parents discouraged it, but I wish they said no. I don't know how that would have turned out. This is all just you know, this is all in hindsight looking back, because let me say it this way, Jackson,

I wish I hadn't at all. I wish I hadn't. And what I like about what you're saying is the vulnerability of you saying I still just like her. And so what I'm meant to say is, as though I don't advocate young teenage relationships, I'm also not naive enough to say you also shouldn't like a girl, because that's something I can't tell you. That's something that's just going to happen because you're a boy and you're gonna naturally be attracted ever so often to just the right one.

When you see a girl and she talks a certain way, and she walks a certain way, and she smiles at you a certain way and you just go, oh man, Granger said, don't get in a relationship. But I really like her. You know, look, I'm not telling you that you can't. I'm just saying, make sure your foot is always on that break Jackson. Make sure you go oh man, okay, okay. I really like her. But I could put boundaries on

this at the beginning. The further you go in these kind of relationships, harder and harder and harder, it gets to actually make any kind of boundary at all. But at the very beginning, when you haven't gotten close to her, you don't even know her middle name yet, you can go We're gonna hang out in groups, even though I don't want to. I want to be one on one. We're gonna hang out in groups. And I'm going to put limits on my phone conversations. I don't know what

kids do these days. Text Probably we're gonna put limits on the texting if that's what's going to go down. And I would encourage all parents listening to always monitor everything that happens on a phone. Nothing happens privately for a kid. A kid that's living in the household of parents does not and has not earned privacy right to that extent. To the extent that they're talking to a boy on a phone, they don't get to do stuff like that. They get to have freedom on a leash.

Their freedom is tethered to the to mom and dad monitoring, mind nitoring everything that goes down. That's just the way it needs to be. Now, you can so long. At the very beginning, it's like you're leading them and they're behind you. But then as they become a teenager, you're starting to walk next to them. I'm talking to parents, so you're walking side by side. But it's not until they hit that eighteen nineteen twenty when they could start taking the lead and you go, good, go out do

your thing. I heard a great thing. Some friends said that when they hit a certain age, is like seventeen eighteen, the parents said, look, you could You have to ask us. You have to ask mom and dad whatever it is you want to do. If we both say yes, then you absolutely can do it. If we both say no, then you can't do it. If one of us says yes and one of us says no, you decide. But just so you know, if you do it, you got to live knowing that one of your parents didn't want

you to right. So that's when you're walking side by side in this relationship. It's like, look, i'm gonna give you the reins a little bit. You're gonna you're gonna ride this horse a little bit on your own, but just so you know you fall off, we're not here to catch you. It's so interesting now that talk to Jackson and you're in this and I'm talking to you. Your question, really, after all that is how do I

get over her a little quicker? I'm worried about Sundays and Wednesdays seeing her, Right, Well, I'm not gonna tell you that. It's not gonna be hard if you really like this girl. But I think you're doing the right thing to walk away. So avoid social media, I'm sure you do. You told me that, you told me that, And avoid any kind of phone interaction. I'm sure you do. I think you told me that too. And then when you see her on Sundays and Wednesdays, it's gonna just slowly,

slowly fizzle out. And if you're worried about it, and you're worried that she's talking another guy and she's maybe manipulative like fourteen year old girls. Are you know that? Buddy? If you're worried about that, then also physically remove yourself from the situation. You're not going to always be able to avoid her. But if she's in a little click and you're walking up, don't get into that little click. Just keep on going, Keep on going, Jackson. You're doing

the right thing, buddy. Thank you for emailing and thank you for listening. Next question, subject line says where to begin again? Hey, Grangeer. My name is Matt Kimball. I am a Christian and I have been a believer in Christ my entire life. Although I have strayed many times. I'm entering a season where I have felt closer to God more than I've ever felt. I have graduated to daily readings, nightly podcast, and constant prayer. I have a desire to feel His pool and continue this journey, keeping

this as short as possible. We recently lost my father, who was the sweetest, toughest, most godly man I've ever known. I recently found his spare time pocket Bible, which he highlighted many scriptures in scribbled many notes and folded pages. I'm finding myself reading more of my old man's words as opposed to taking in the word of God. I just love reading the verses and quotes that my old man lived by. But I feel the need for more. I feel like my focus needs to change. Where do

you think I should continue this journey? Thank you, brother, I'm very pleased to have gotten to know you and your family in my walk with God. Thanks for the email, brother, And it's interesting and I think it's a good question. I'm sorry about the loss of your father. Unfortunately, I know that loss, not to your extent because I didn't know your dad, but I do know my extent of losing my dad. I love to my dad, I still do. I think about them often and to me, this is

a great email, and it's it's super easy fix. I love when it's an easy one I read. And this was mentioned on a couple questions ago. I read the McShane plan. This is a Bible reading plan. There's many of them. This is just the one I prefer, and I think I think it's a great, really great plan. I love it. I believe this is my third or fourth year on it. But what it does, the McShane plan, it gets you through the Old Testament, once in a year, the New Testament and the Psalms twice in a year,

so you're reading about four chapters a day. I do this in the morning. This is just my routine. I get up in the morning. First thing I'm gonna do is brush my teeth, make some coffee, settle in before most most of the time before anyone else is up in the house, and I'm gonna read my McShane plan, and I do it on an iPad because that just ends up working out pretty well because in the McShane plan, first of all, it's dark in my house and the

iPad lights up. Uh. And second of all, I could just see it better and it loads up the mcshamee plan instantly for me. So it picks up where I left off and I hit I hit start on my new day, and after I read one chapter, I hit next, next, next, finish, and it logs it and it's ready for the next day. It's gonna que me up again. So I just really like that. That's been my rhythm, and it also allows

me to switch. I switched translations every year, so I'm not ever reading the same same same translation, and I see new things saying the same thing. But I'm seeing new words and new seeing seeing things in a new light. So what I'm now, I'm speaking to you, and Matt, I would I would add something like that to your morning like, that's your mourning devotional, your personal reading. That's

you're feeding time. That's your nourishment time. You and God, God is nourishing you through his ever living, breathing word of God. He's he's he's speaking to you. He's ministering to you through his word sharper than any two edges sore piercing the heart. Okay, so that is that's your morning time, whatever Bible reading plan minds the McShane. And then what I would do if I were you, this

suggestion at night I would make. I would carve out some time at night before bed, when your heart is tender and you're a little bit tired and you're winding down.

I pull out your dad's Bible. Then go to your go to your dad's Bible and look for those highlighted things, look for those words, look for those little notes in the margin and the things that are underlined, and think about your dad and think about how he's saved and how he's he's got he is in a place right now with with our Lord, right, and it'll help you reflect on the kindness of God, the mercy of God, the fact that God allows broken sinners, he allows them

a righteousness that then can reconcile them to Him. Right. So you're kind of you're kind of thinking through all this, and you're thinking about Dad, and you're thinking about the good father that he was, and you miss him a little bit, and there's his words and and he's with our Lord. And then you're also not thinking, man, I need I need to be nourished myself because but you don't think that because you got it this morning, right. You got it this morning with your cup of coffee.

That's my that's my thought on this. Use your evening's times with Dad. And I think you're right in thinking I don't want to only read Dad's words. I think you're right in thinking that as well. So, Buddy, I appreciate the email. Thank you for listening to the podcast. All of y'all, thank you for listening to the podcast, And if you have a question for me, email podcast at grangersmith dot com. That is podcast at grangersmith dot com. We'll see y'all next Monday. Thanks for joining me on

the Grangersmith podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video. YII