All babies, regardless of the circumstance of how they were conceived, are a gift from God.
What's up, everybody?
Welcome back to the podcast. This is episode two and ten, and I've got my little brother Parker joining us, one of my favorite guests to be on here answering questions.
What's up, park what's up? Man?
We answer your questions. You email Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com and we'll walk through anything you got going on. We don't have any notes or we're not prepared. We haven't read these questions beforehand. And a lot of exciting news coming in the future of this podcast, but right now this is still all that it is. Email Grangersmith
Podcast at gmail dot com. Parker is actually a fellow seminarian with me at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and this next semester, which we're starting next week, we are in the same class together. Yep.
It's a fire host to the face. It's pretty ridiculous, but the fire host to the face, I'm enjoying it.
The fire host to the face kind of like this podcast. Just kidding. First question at random, I'm gonna pull these up. Subdecline says saying I love you, and the email says this grain your My name is Noel, I'm from Warsaw, Indiana, and I love your podcast and music. Side note, that's where we got the wood from. This house is the old barnwoods from Warsaw. Oh wow yeah, And she says, my question is who should I say? Who should say I love you first? That's a good one to start the podcast. Wow.
Yeah, there's a lot of unknowns there. I don't really how old are you?
How long have you been dating?
Well, i'd say not knowing any of those things. If you're just asking me if the guy or the girl should say I love you first, Typically it's up to the guy to take the initiative to ask the girl out in the first place, to use the d word date, and to not just say do you want to go hang out? Do you want to come over and watch a movie? You know, to use that word date. Let's the girl know what we're doing, what my expectations should be,
what your intentions are. Anyway, So all that to say, I would say that primarily the guy's responsibility is to say I love you first, and if he's not, and if this girl is like, where's this going. He still hasn't said I love you and it's been so long, then that could be a red flog.
Right, I agree. I think that like Parker said, without knowing your situation, Noel, I think those are pretty good guidelines, without knowing your age, how long you've been dating, what kind of guy, this is, how you feel about him. Let's say the guideline are make sure that he's being And this is also a message to everyone else that's dating be define what you're doing, because it's crazy how uh, how people could be misled and think, I don't know
if where what this is. I don't know if this is he's just a friend, or if he just likes hanging out with me. Maybe he likes my brother, he likes he thinks my dad's cool. I don't I can't figure this out. So guys, define what you're doing. Like Parker said, just say date or go steady or go where you go with me? Is what we used to say, like in junior, h will you go with me? And
everyone just knew what that meant. But define it. And then after you define it, then Noel won't have to worry about where this is going, and she'll just know if you guys really like each other that maybe one day he'll say I love you.
One thing that my now wife and I did as well, that's gonna be pretty old school to some people, is we decided when we started dating that we weren't going to use the word love until if and when we were engaged. That was just kind of a I didn't say when we get engaged, I'll say it because I didn't know if I was going to marry her or not yet. But we both just came to the consensus that let's not say I love you until if and
when that point happens. Of if you just think about what love is and how we just use it so flippantly today, I think that there should be a sort of retraction of that word and a reverence and meaning behind it before you just start giving your heart away and start using that word flippantly.
Totally agree. Tell them what else you did when you and name you were dating or yeah, engaged, I guess all through it.
Of just not kissing, yeah, yeah, yeah, we just decided not to not to kiss, and which sounds crazy to even say it out out, And I just hear everybody rolling their eyes, who are listening. But yeah, when I became a Christian, and you know, the question that you hear all the time is how far can I go with my girlfriend and it not be sin? And the posture of that question, when I thought about it long enough, was how close can I get to the edge of
this cliff by then not fall off? Or another way putting it, how far away can I get away from God? But still say under his good graces and so and so it's just kind of torture to to be physically intimate with your significant other, even if you're not going to have sex, because it's just going to make it
that much more difficult to stop. And so we just honestly, it's it was so freeing to just say we're not going to kiss at all, and it made everything else so much easier because when you cut off that the emotional rollercoaster that comes from being physically intimate with someone, you're able to think so much more soberly when you are deciding if they're going to be your future husband or wife.
Yeah, I think that's amazing. And then it also helps expedite the engagement process. Yeah, true, right, It's like you don't want to set your engagement for a year and a half. Two years from now, you're like, man, let's get this thing rolling. I really want to kiss this girl. But let me say this. Let me say this. There's a lot of people that I know what they're thinking. A lot of people are thinking, man, you don't really know somebody. You can't truly have that connection until you're
intimate with somebody. What do you say to that argument, Yeah, that's.
Just not true. If anything, you're able to be more intimate because you're not blinded bomb all of the chemicals that come in your mind when you have sex with somebody, Like our brains are wired to bond to the thing, to the to the other human that we're having sex with, and when you do that with someone that you're not married to, it just starts to get in all of these other factors and you start to get blinded by other things because you just become love drunk with this
person and addicted to this physical feeling whether rather than who they are, who they are as a person, and you get to know them I think so much better. And then the other thing with that is, you know, you hear people say you got to test drive the car and it's like we're literally comparing other human beings to vehicles that are supposed to be used. So yeah, I just I just don't think it's true that that you need to be able to be physically intimate with
someone to get to know them better. And then the other thing is it's like, like you said, you know there's people out there that you know, this is very sensitive topic, and so I don't I don't want to come up overly judgmental, but just genuinely empathizing with someone who's been living with their significant other for a long time. It's like, like you said, why would they want to get married? You know, they're already having sex, they're already
living together, they may already have children together. What's the point. What's the point of getting married at that point? You know, there's there's no there's no boundaries for the marriage covenant at that point.
In my mind, it's great, man, I don't have anything to add to that. What I heard you say essentially was a mature relationship should drive intimacy, not the other way around, because you're saying because people will argue, no, you can't know somebody, you can't have a good relationship to your intimate you're saying, no, it's the other way around.
You.
You establish a mature relationship, and that that will determine a lot of other things, including intimacy is one of them, and the world says the opposite. The world says, intimacy then creates a mature relation. Well, guess what the world has a track record to that. That's not very good.
So yeah, man, yeah, the world says to focus everything on the sexual relationship, to the physical attributes, and then the other stuff comes later. And it's just like, man, when you're married. When you're married, that red hot love is going to wear off very quickly. And if that's what the foundation is, then you know what are you left with that's not just the physical intimacy.
Love it Let me move on. Then we're going to go to like because I could tell by these subjectlines, we're all over the map here on this episode. And that's good. This next question, Subdecline says leaving organized religion. Hey, Granger, I was born and raised in the Mormon Church, Church
of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. Within the last year, my husband and I decided to leave, and I'm so grateful we did not become like most of our other members who leave and walk away from Jesus all together. We are now attending SMCC South Mountain Community Church in Saint George, Utah. We absolutely love it and we're so grateful we found it. Deconstructing everything that you've ever known is very hard, and with that being said, my mom
is still a devout member of the church. My dad has never been a member, but has recently started going to church with her in the last two years. When I told her that we would be leaving the church, she was heartbroken. I'm the third of her children to leave. My older brother and my younger sister have also left, leaving just my two younger siblings who live at home
in the church with her. I don't know if you know anything about the Mormon Church, but having left, I now believe it's a horrible organization and they were worshiping a Christ who cannot save them. Any advice on how we should just be an example to them, or how to share a little teaching of God that can help them realize that they are that they are in need to take the blinders off. It is heartbreaking to watch
finally being on the outside. Thank you, Anonymous. All right, Hey, thanks for the email, Anonymous, and let's dive into this. It's a lot and a lot that I cannot empathize with. I do know a lot about the LDS church, Parker knows. I've studied a lot about this, not as much. I don't know as much as you do, but I have spent a significant amount of time in Utah and and have a good deal of friends from that church that
we talk on the regular with. I want to give a warning first with your email, because I want to kind of caution you on everything that you said and make sure that we're just kind of slightly tapping the brakes here. And the first thing that I immediately thought of with some caution. First of all, grateful, grateful for your email, you know, but you said, I'm so grateful we did not become like the other members who leave and walk
away from Jesus all together. Like right there, I just heard I heard the tax collector in the Pharisee parable come up in my head where it's like, thank goodness, I'm not like that guy. Like that tax collector. You know, we tie, we're good people. We've made the right decisions. We chose the right path. We studied enough, we know enough of the Bible. Now we've come to see the light. We've unfolded our own blinders. Basically, thank goodness, we're not
like that tax collector. It's that's literally what the parable is. And then in the parable, the tax collector is beating his chest, looking down and downcast, and he says, have mercy on me, a sinner. And then Jesus says, I tell you who was justified with him, not the Pharisee. So I'm not comparing you to that. I'm just saying, let's caution ourselves with ever looking at anyone else and going, ha, so God, I'm not that guy. I've been doing really good. Okay.
Second of all, I want to I want to acknowledge the how difficult it must be, like you said, to go against your parents, what you're calling organized religion, very difficult. And then we'll get to the heart of the email. And that's when you're asking any advice. This is what your question is. Any advice on how we could just be an example to them or share it to them at a little teaching of God that could help them realize they need to take the blinders off. That's what
you said. That's your question, and so a couple thoughts I'll let Parker dig into. First thought is you cannot take the blinders off. You didn't and no one else can. It's not within your power. That's when within the power of a sovereign God. We have a responsibility, as Parker and I just actually looked at today or yesterday when Amy sent that, we have the responsibility to believe, but we cannot take blinders off. Jesus says in John three that a man must be born again to enter the
Kingdom of heaven. And you and me and everyone else didn't contribute to our first birth, so why would we contribute to our second birth. We don't have a power in that. So you can't take the blinders off. Why am I saying all this to you, Well, I'm saying it because I want to feel from you, anonymous. I just want to feel a love for the members of that church, because if you come in with this pharisee idea of come on, man, you gotta teat what can
I teach you to learn that you're wrong? You're You're a horrible this is your words. It's a horrible organization. You're worshiping, worshiping at Christ. You cannot save that right there. That attitude, I promise you, doesn't do anything for anybody besides just turn them off and say, well, I'm done talking to anonymous. And and you're zealous. I understand and that and that's kind of part of this deal too.
But you're asking me any advice on how we could be an example to them, love them, love them, and through that love, you could share your witness and share the.
Gospel with them.
And that's it. You share the gospel embedded in the love that you have. I mentioned that I have a lot of friends from that church. Well I have to. I'm always friends with the current missionaries in my area, which is Georgetown, Texas. And so the two the two elders that are missionaries in Georgetown, Texas, I'm friends with them right now, and they're actually coming to the house tomorrow. They're coming over tomorrow. One of them wants a signed
copy of La a River. That's that's part of the reason. But this would be the second time that they come over. And man, I love those guys. I love those guys. I love I love hosting them, serving them and telling him the gospel and evangelizing to them. And one thing I don't do within that conversation is say you know you're part of a horrible organization.
I don't say that, Parker. What you got for this, I don't have much sad. I think that what you're saying is to just to approach her salvation first of all with just really just humble gratitude of just like God, I know better than them. I was so blind and you saved me when I didn't deserve it. And then when you have that posture coupled with you know, your parents'
salvation is not ultimately your response ability. If they don't get saved, if your friends in the LEDs Church don't get saved to you evangelized too, you're not a failure. Your job as a born again believer in Christ is to just lovingly share that truth of who Jesus is
what you call to do, and pray. You can pray for your parents, you can pray for your friends there, and you can rest knowing that, like you said, salvation is the Lord's and throughout that have a posture of Paul's words of you know such were some of you, and so you don't ever just beat them over the head with it, only approach it with a posture of humility, thinking, man, I was blind too, and who are people who tried to share the truth with me and I turned them away?
And so and then also just living that example out and loving loving them. Well, it's great.
This podcast has actually opened a lot of doors of conversation between me and the LDS Church and a lot of the friendships that I have, like text basis relationships started really from this podcast from the past years. And so if anyone's listening now from the church and wants to email me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com to to have any kind of discussion, the dialogue is open. Love you and love your church as well. Also love
the state of Utah. What a beautiful place and I've I've loved so many years traveling there with music Park. I think we have a time if we could get one more in just a few minutes, and we'll take a break. You know what, I don't know if we can these these scene Let me take a break, because these I don't I want to give everybody the full time, so we'll.
Take a break and bear it back.
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slash Granger Smith. A lot of people will email and say, hey, man, how could I get a personalized message for my girlfriend that granger says happy birthday or happy anniversary to my wife? Or how could I get a message to my son to tell them congratulations on finishing school or starting school, And always say, well, it's super easy. Cameo dot com slash Granger Smith, or download the cameo app and search
for me Granger Smith. It's super easy. You fill out the little form, it shoots a message to me, and it says, this person wants you to wish their son a happy birthday. Here's his name, here's what he's into, here's why he likes you. I could read that easily, pull out my phone, put on the selfie cam, and then make some kind of message. However you want me to do it and send straight to you. So that's an easy thing to do, especially if you have someone you want to buy a gift for that you don't
really know. They kind of have everything and you don't really know what to get them, or it's last minute, maybe you miss their birthday or getting ready for the holidays coming up. Kennyo is a great thing. I've done it for probably five years now and it seems to be just a great tool for someone to get a quick message from me. Okay, back to the podcast. Back to the podcast here, and this is an interesting subject line here it says, how do I know if I'm
still in love with my wife? Hey Granger, my name is Daniel. I'm twenty seven. I've been with my wife since high school twenty eleven. We got married five years ago. We had our son three years ago, and since the birth of my son, something within her changed. It started slowly, but she would go out with her girlfriends once a month, and then every other week, and then that progressed into
a weekly thing. I've had multiple talks with her about spending more time with me and her son, but there is weekends when she leaves town and seems to be living a happy life without us. At first, I kept thinking, I get it needs some time to get away from home, but now it really seems like that's all she wants to do. Our date nights are usually filled with silence
because I try to avoid arguments right now. My son loves mommy and loves to see her, but I don't allow her to take him along with her friends whenever they leave town, because let's just say, her girlfriends are not people i'd want to want him to peer around. I feel trapped. I feel like I'm still living there just to see my son while his mommy is around. But I don't know if I'm still in love with her.
I read this quote, you can't fall in love twice because the second time you're falling in love with the memories. If there is time a little more background about her. She lost her mom when she was five, and her dad lives in Mexico and was not ever around and until she was eighteen. He passed away six years ago. Her sister in law basically raised her. Unfortunately, her sister passed. Her sister in law passed away as well to cancer five years ago. She also lost her brother to suicide
six years ago. I've been there for as much as I can, and I've supported her as much as I can. She and I were really close and happy until just recent times. I do not know what changed, all right, Daniel, thanks for emailing brother, and I'm sorry for the really serious situation that you're in, and thank you for trusting Parker and I in this podcast with such a sensitive question, especially so young at twenty seven. Okay, you're twenty seven, married five years ago, had a son two years into
the marriage, three years ago, so that's the only child. Okay. I after trying to fill my brain with what you got going on here, and let me start with this, I'll start with without knowing a lot of details, let me start with what I know about the subject line that you wrote, how do I know if I'm still in love with my wife? Okay? That's interesting. Love and it's in it's different kinds of definitions and categories. Love can be seen in two ways. One emotionally it love
happens as a reaction to your emotions. But more importantly and more properly defined for marriage is love is a covenant, and a covenant is an agreement. It is a decision that you have made and you might not have even made it consciously, but you certainly did when you when you stood in front of the congregation or the whoever married you, And even if it was just a courthouse,
you made a covenant. You made a tractual agreement. And that is such an unromantic thing to say, but it's reliable and it's true in terms of when you make a covenant with someone to marry them, that means essentially that you will choose to love them even when it stops benefiting you, when it stops you stop gaining stuff for yourself from it. Man, that that is an idea
that's completely lost. But that's what a covenant is. When you make a covenant with another person or a group of people, or when God makes a covenant with his people, it is it is not contingent upon that person in becoming a rebel. Right when God chooses his people to make a covenant with they constantly rebel in the Bible, and he constantly brings them back in. You have made a covenant with your wife. Emotionally you're out. I understand
that part of your love is out. Emotionally you're out, but you're not receiving anything from her, and so you immediately think, maybe I'm completely out of this marriage, and thousands of people agree with you because you're not getting anything out of it. Instead of saying, babe, I want to I want to have this talk with you gotta take you to dinner, find find her favorite restaurant, her favorite food, and you take her out and you can
just go. I want to tell you that I know things have been different lately, and I know that you've been and I've been a little I've been a little uh harsh with you because I know you probably have Daniel, and I just want to say I'm sorry. And I know that you've had you've had troubled trusting and you're thinking Dad Mexico, brother suicide, gain trust with sister in law, she's gone to cancer. But you say, but I'm not leaving you. I'm here for you to serve you and
whatever way you need from me. If that means you need some time with your friends on the weekends, I'll watch our son. But I just want you to know that whatever you got going on, I'm not going anywhere, I'm here for you. I made a covenant promise on
our wedding day that I'm standing by. I wonder what that would do to this relationship, because I don't think you've done that, and I think it's probably been more like I don't like your friends, I don't like I'm hanging around my son I don't like you leaving all the time. I don't know what you're doing. I'm a little jealous of what's going on. In fact, is there another guy? Hey? I don't even know if I should
stay here anymore. That's probably what happens when you say, we go on a date and I try to keep quiet so we don't argue. I gotta feel. And that's what the argument sounds like, something like that, Parker, What do you have to this?
Yeah, I'd say, because you're you're married, this is gonna be different advice than someone if they were dating. But I would say that you're feeling are real, but they're not always reliable. And like you said, you can acknowledge that you don't have that emotional feeling anymore. But so many marriages in because people say that they're just not in love with them anymore. They just fell out of love, they lost the spark, and it's just like, man, that's
not what the relationship is built on. Like you said that love, you know how many marriages? How many weddings do we see where they quote One Corinthians thirteen. Love is patient kind, Love does not envy or boast. It's not arrogant or rude. It bears all things, it endures all things, and it's like, man, this is why you stood up in front of friends and family and vowed before God to enter a covenant that till death do us part. I'm in this with you. You know that you
gave her your word, and so I empathize with you. Man. I'm so that it's tough. It's obviously hard to do it when it's not reciprocating. But man, your responsibility as the man is to lay down your life for her, to find ways to love her, to choose to love her, and to not just say to not bail out just
because you're not feeling like it. A practical resource that I found super helpful was the book Love and Respect, and I would encourage you to go to the It's short answer is men primarily need respect, and then women primarily need to feel loved and cherished. And so you could you could go to that. I'm not telling you to go to her and tell her that she's supposed
to respect you. I'm saying you go to that woman's the woman's section, and you look for different ways to love her and cherish her, regardless of if she reciprocates it or not, because that's going to help improve things. It's great.
Next question, Subjecline says, gift of God question mark, Good morning. I wanted to ask something that I've been hesitant to ask. I truly struggled to understand. My husband cheated and has a new baby with another woman. Our youngest is eighteen. He tells me and everyone that the baby is a gift from God. It is Is it really a gift from God? When he is breaking God's rules by cheating on me? He told me that God gave him him the gift, but it might be my punishment for the
wrong I have done in my life over the years. Parentheses. I have never cheated in all of our marriage clothes parentheses. I have suffered with cancer and I'm sick again with the same symptoms. I can't seem to forgive him, and as soon as I am able, i am leaving our home since he will not. Thanks for your advice, JP. All right, JP, thanks so much for the email, and I'm so sorry you're in the situation. I'm gonna kind
of recap for my own mind. Here your husband and there's no divorce here, so I'm assuming still your current husband, who is currently living with you in your current home, has cheated on you with another woman that is now having a baby with her, but he's still in your house and still married to you. H Parker, will let you lead this one. I'm not sure what the question. I don't know what the question is.
Either, is is the baby a gift from Oh?
Yeah, that's I'm sorry, that's the question. Is the baby a gift from God? Will park first of all, before Parker answers, We'll both say are resounding yes. All babies, regardless of the circumstance of how they were conceived, are a gift from God. Like that, that's unquestionably true in all circumstances all around the world, of all different people, in all different ethnicities and religion and tribe, and all babies are a gift from God, regardless of how they were pro created.
Go ahead, Mark, Yeah, I'm sorry're in this situation. From my limited knowledge, it sounds like he's he's a manipulative and he's using this to rub it in your face and so our children a gift from God? Absolutely, does that justify his cheating on you like it was God's will for him? To have this baby with another woman. Of course not, of course not. And yeah, don't believe that, and don't believe that. It's it's punishment on you for something that that you did.
Yeah, I don't know, JP, I don't know if there's anything else. Yeah, it's it's wrong that it's so wrong that it makes my answer even shorter to there's nothing to elaborate on. It's ridiculous, it's not. God's not punishing you with a new baby from your husband who cheated on you. And this new baby deserves love and respect, but your husband doesn't. Your husband deserves love, but he doesn't deserve your trust or your respect.
Nothing to add.
Okay, speaking of trust, the next one subject, client says, how do you trust God after losing a loved one? Hey, Grandeer, my name is Brian. I'm struggling with keeping my faith in God. Over the last two years, I've lost eight of my closest family members. How do I keep trusting God when he keeps taking my family away from me? I love your music and your podcast. God bless and have a great day. Classic question Man eight is a lot.
I'm so sorry, but what you're asking isn't totally normal and understandable from someone who is struggling to know God. That's what this boils down to. Most questions I get on the podcast that have to do with faith or spirituality or God, most of them could be answered by saying, you don't know God well enough. And Parker, how do you learn who God.
Is through reading his word? Okaa? The Bible?
Yeah, Brian, you read the Bible and you learn who God is, and what you see really is a people throughout the fifteen hundred years of history within the Bible canon, you see a history of a people that that endured suffering, that endured the loss of loved ones. One thing I could slightly correct you on is that it's not necessarily God taking your family away from you. It's they were never yours. You know, the people are gifts. Everything is a gift. Every good thing is a gift, and even
even things that we struggle with or gifts. And it
was never really yours to be taken from you. And so I think, I think, instead of diving in deeper to how do you trust God in this this situation, I would I would encourage you to develop some kind of routine of reading your Bible and with Actually Tyler and I talked last week on last podcast with Tyler and I talked about reading a study Bible, if you've never read the Bible before, reading with a study Bible, so that you could kind of get this commentary while
you're reading of who are we talking about here, who's writing, why are they writing, when are they writing? And that's constantly just kind of supplementing your reading. Second thing I would say is to join a local church to be able to walk with God's people and learn with them and empathize with them and be poured into by them when you're going through a loss, so you're not ever alone.
Walking through this alone is impossible. So I think there's deeper issues here, and I hope that this could be an encouragement for you to learn who God is.
Yeah, this question is how can I learn to trust someone? Then the answer is you've got to figure out who that someone is, right, And you just laid out the practical next steps of that.
It's not it's not just God. It seems like I kind of go down this this rabbit hole in this podcast, but there's so many times we're not just talking about God in this situation. If you said Granger. I've got a there's a new guy at work. He just started working for us, and we're we're on this factory assembly line and he's he's the next guy over, and so everything I do, it's it's determined by what he does. And I want to learn to trust him, Granger. Granger,
tell me, how do I trust this guy? Like he's been time with him, Talk to him, Listen to him, go to lunch with them, have coffee with them.
Look at his track record.
Look at his track record, talk to other people that have talked to him, talk to his family that knows him. It's so you're asking the same question, how do I learn to trust God? Talk to him? That's great, listen to him.
Okay, that's helpful.
Let's let's hit one more here. These are I'm literally trying to find one that's not a God question because I don't want I don't want just to just to talk about who God is in every single question, which I really could, I really could. Okay, how about that's a really long one.
Is it safe to say that if people keep their questions concise, they have a better chance of getting them read.
It's totally right. If you keep it about the length of a phone. It helps me because if I'm looking at the clock and I'm like, we've got time for another question, and you kind of wrote a novel to me, it's harder. This one just says life question. Hey Grangeard like to stay anonymous, but I have a question for you. I am twenty one m active duty at Florida. I'm not sure what that means I am. I am twenty one active duty AD in Florida. I've been a huge h fan since I was fourteen. I love your music
and your podcast. I've been working nights recently and also listening to your after midnight radio. Backstory is my girlfriend and I have been together for three years. In October of twenty twenty three, we were high school sweethearts. She's currently working on her bachelor's and masters in two years. Will be another four years of school total. I have four years left of my AD contract here. She transferred to a school down here to move in with me.
We're both from Michigan. Herself and her family have been pressuring me about when I'm going to propose to her. Honestly, I'm just not ready yet myself, and I don't think she's ready yet either. I have so many toys I want to buy before a ring. I'm nervous about marriage because of the risk that I'd lose it if it didn't work out five years down the road. I apologize for the book I just wrote. What are your thoughts? Well,
actually it's come from anonymous. Anonymous, Actually you wrote a perfect length, So thanks, thanks for the perfect length email here, and man, you've got a great You got a great guest with Parker sitting here on the microphone for this particular question. And I think there's been several instant since on this exact episode that we've kind of touched on your situation. One. I'll start with this, I'm nervous, nervous about marriage because of the risk I'll lose it if
it didn't work out five years down the road. Well throw that idea out, because if you get married, you're expected to make a covenant. Like I said a couple questions ago, You're expected to be anonymous, a man of your word. You're going to make a contract, a social contract. You are going to agree that you will love her till death, do your part. And I think we have lost completely lost that concept partly because a movie, social media, all the choices we have. There's so many girls out there,
so many fishes in the sea. If this one doesn't work out, there's another one that'll probably work out. That's the statistic, right. So we have completely lost this idea that when I get married, I'm gonna make an agreement. Even if it doesn't work out the way I think, I'm not getting what I thought from it. I'm gonna make an agreement. So just throw out the idea that if it doesn't work out five years instead trade that thought with I'm a man of my word, I'm a
man of integrity. I'm in the act of duty, and I will make an agreement that I will not back out of. Right, Parker, I'll let you dive into where else you want to jump in. Here. Family's press pressuring him to get married. He has too many toys he wants to buy before a ring. He's nervous, they're going through school. He doesn't know if he's ready.
Yeah, I would say that that's so common today, and the world tells you that marriage is a burden, that children are a burden, that you should accumulate as much wealth, that you should get all the toys and social media and media in general has fed us this addiction to variety. Like you said of the grass is always greener, the grass is always greener. We live in a TikTok world of just something new, something new, I gotta get this toy.
Maybe there's a better girl, maybe there's something better out there. And it's scary, mind man, it's it's it's ruining us. And uh, like I said earlier as well, with why, I mean, why would he get married? I don't know. I don't know if he's a Christian. I know that we're not trying to make every single question about who God is, but it's hard to answer that question without asking yourself. Man, if if you're not a Christian, then why would you Why would you get married? Dude?
True?
But that make as much money as possible, buy all of the toys. Yeah, live with your girlfriend as long as you can until she forces children on you. But ugh, it just makes me sick. It's just a recipe for disaster. How many relationships out there are people dating for six, seven, eight years and you just have the resentment of the girlfriend because he still hasn't proposed. You have the in laws cornering him on holidays to ask him why he
still hasn't done it. And the guy's just like, why would I want to obligate myself to to that kind of commitment with all the variety that's out here. So I don't know if that really helps. But it's just like in a certain sense, it's just like, I don't blame you. Man, it's hard when the world is telling you that marriage and children are a burden and to just get all you know, eat, drink and be merry, you know. And so I mean I would just say, man,
I mean, I can't answer without saying that. Man, I don't know if you're a believer in Jesus Christ or not, but to to find a local church to to read your Bible. Uh, it's going to explain marriage and the purpose of it and teach you how to have a commitment to one person.
Uh.
And I would say to to start there. Otherwise you're just going to be in a terrible cycle of living with a girlfriend who resents you and uh, and you're going to resent her and when you get married because you didn't get spy all the stuff you wanted.
Yeah, I think that's awesome, And I think maybe the final cap I'll put on this is that I want to just dispel the myth that you're not ready. He said, I'm just not ready yet. And I don't think she is either. Bro, You're You're definitely ready. You're You're got a lot going on with school and you you are. You're an adult. You have moved from Michigan to Florida.
You've got a career plan and a path. The only reason I would say you're not ready is if you were sixteen years old living with mommy and daddy and your brain was still developing. But you, just like many men before, you are. Actually, I think that's what I'm twenty one m means. I think that means he's twenty one male. I think that's what he means. Active duty. That's what AD means. Okay, so this is all coming together. You're twenty one, you're a dude that's twenty one active
duty in Florida. And if you're ready for the military, if the government thinks you're ready to drink alcohol and drive a car and serve our country in war. But you're saying I don't think I'm ready to promise a girl that I'll stay with her and serve her and Lord willing have children with her. I'm here to tell you that's a myth that you've heard somewhere, and it's wrong because for thousands of years before you, men have been ready at twenty one years old to marry the girl they're with.
And just to add on to that at the very end, I would also say that is not saying that you should definitely marry this girl true because we just answer two questions of guys who are married and you know they're not getting out of it. Dude, if you are, if you're doing this, you're doing it till death, and you're gonna end up the dude saying I think she's cheating on me. There's another kid that she that she had.
So that's not to say that you shouldn't be extremely picky and be like, is this the girl that is going to be the mother of my children, that is going to be selfless and that is going to endure a hard times?
Yeah, this question almost should have started the podcast and then we could have the other ones that the bad stories that happened after. But I will say that Anonymous, you said together for three years, she's your girlfriend in your high school sweethearts. I don't see anything wrong with her, And yeah, I think I think you have a lot of decisions to make, and I think I think we've met a pretty good case of just kind of dispelling the miss of the world and then putting it back
on your court. It's all the time we got, love you guys, See you next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all of you.
Guys.
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