#197 I Would Never Wish This Pain On My Worst Enemy

at gmail dot com. Make them about anything, it doesn't matter the subject, and we'll kind of walk through it long form, like we're sitting in the truck. You got a question for me, and I'm like, man, that's a good question. Let's talk about it. Let's take a little bit of time, and we're gonna jump right into this first one here. Now these are, by the way, they're out of order, they're random. I haven't read them. I

don't have notes. We're just going for it, so you're gonna hear these as I hear them for the first time. First one, Subjecline says, divorce. Hey Granger, I appreciate your music, love of God and your podcast. I enjoy listen to them while I'm at work. To get to the point. My husband and I are going through a divorce. I feel like a failure. I have failed my husband, I've failed God, I've failed my marriage. I've failed as a wife.

There was infidelity on both ends. I know it's the right thing to do, but I've never felt so hurt before. This feels like death. If I'm being honest, I don't want this divorce, but he has made it so clear that there is no going back. Papers have been signed. I lost it when the notary walked up to me to have them signed. I would never wish this pain on my worst enemy. Being a Christian, it's so hard to accept that I am at to that high divorce rate.

God bless Brie. All Right, Brie, thank you so much for the email and for being vulnerable. And there's not a question here. So interesting. It's very rare that I get an email that's not a question. But I'm going to use this actually for this podcast because I think you not asking a question is just as powerful to tell your story out loud, to say it to anyone that's listening, so that either it's a warning to them, or it's encouragement for them, or it's reassurance for them

either way, everyone listened to what she's saying. Imagine this moment, Imagine this scenario playing out, and we could almost picture it. Where she says, papers have been signed. I lost it when the notary walked up to me to have them signed. I would never wish this pain on my worst enemy. I wish everyone could use that, everyone that might be going through something, maybe a rocky time in their marriage. Maybe they're thinking about some things. Maybe they're wondering if

maybe divorce is right for them. I want you to just hear, hear these words that this breed would never wish this pain on her worst enemy. I'm so sorry. Next question, subject line says, I'm so frustrated with the way you choose emails to read. Interesting says, last week you read an email from a young woman whose mother said terrible things to her, and she forgave her mother. It was the perfect time to read my email, which I was asking the same thing from the mother's point

of view. I've been waiting a long time for an answer to my situation. The more time that passes, the less likely it will be seen. Just saying last week would have been perfect. Tricia okay, Tricia, I'm sorry. I don't. I don't have a specific order that I read these emails that come in random to me. I'm not screening them. I'm not. I'm not making subjects and going okay, now I'm gonna look for mother and daughter and have the daughter the daughter forgives the mother. I'm gonna look for

those kind of emails and read them. I don't, don't. I don't have a plan. I'm sorry. There's I'm juggling a lot of things in my life, and I try to do my best that I can through all of them. But there's certain things that have to give with all the things, all the different jobs that I juggle, preparing a lot for this podcasting, getting ready and not getting all the emails in order. It's just not something I do. It's not something that I have time to do, and

I don't think it's necessary. Podcast flows just fine without me needing to screen the emails or worry about what I'm gonna say. So I'm just I think, okay. My opinion is the appeal to me of this podcast is you never know what you're gonna get. Like, I don't cut it, I don't edit it. I just read it and I answer it like you asked me point blank in the cap of a truck a question, and I'm gonna answer it right or wrong. I'm gonna stumble through it.

Sometimes I think that's the appeal to the podcast. I don't plan it. So I'm so sorry that you're frustrated, and I hope everything works out. Don't another point, maybe don't don't wait for me to give you the answer to move on with your life, all right, Like I'm not the guy, I'm just I'm just a friend. Okay, next question sub decline tithing. Good afternoon. My name is Blake. I'm twenty three years old. I've been a longtime fan of your music in the podcast, just had a quick

question regarding tithing. So I recently began tithing and gave ten percent each month to each month to the church I attend. My question is this, is it okay to give to other charitable causes, nonprofit organizations, individuals who need help, et cetera. Or was tithing only meant to be given to the church. I love giving to my church, but I would also be able to love to give to

other charitable organizations, individuals on occasion if I can. I really appreciate all the wisdom you give on the podcast and would love to intend a live podcast show someday. And he says, add Saint Louis to that tour. That's cool live podcast tour. And Saint Louis, that sounds like a good city to add it to, says Yee Blake. Blake, appreciate the email, brother, Okay, a couple things. There's nothing to in depth here. A couple of things to ten percent.

That's an Old Testament idea and it doesn't have to correlate into modern day tithing. In fact, the New Testament is going to say a little bit different. Is it gonna say give generously, give cheerfully. Right, So give generously and cheerfully and whatever you feel is right. You know, if you're if you're in your Bible and you're you've got a good prayer life, go at that point, go with what your heart tells you to go because that's probably a good desire. And it's great to give your church,

it's great to give to other charitable organizations. There's nothing wrong with that. And there's to think any other way would be legalistic about it, to be like, oh, you're not a good Christian unless you give this amount to this organization and not this one and only to the church for this Like that's just not it's not a healthy way to put that kind of those kind of parameters,

that kind of box around it would be unhealthy. Instead, they about it more rationally, with love, with generosity, with cheerfulness. Just think of it in terms of I'm gonna give to my church because I I believe that my church is a good steward of this money, and I believe that it could do this, this and this, and I believe in this this body, this local congregation that I pour into and they pour into me, and we were a family together in that way. Okay, So so I'm

gonna give to them because of that. But I'm not because of an obligation that I have to, not because I'm a bad person if I don't. And saying with given a little bit over here and a little bit over here, do it because because you're a good steward of money that was given to you as a gift as well. Nothing is ours, it's all. We're all stewards of our of all the gifts here, So give and give and give according to what your heart desires and what you think is responsibly good for your community for

you to serve back to it. Okay, there's no scientific formula at all to this, even no ten percent. It's a pretty good rule of thumb, right, it's a pretty good guide. If you have no guide, that's a good guide. We'll end with that. Next question, Sepucline says read on podcast please says I'm a big I'm in a big problem right now. I met this girl five years ago. We became really close, and then we dated for only

about three months, and then things just ended. She said, We're never getting back together, but we are only sixteen and I still love her just the same. I don't know what to do. I was thinking of just waiting it out and seeing what the future holds. Buddy, it's time to let it go. It's time to let it go. She said, we're never getting back together. Take her word for it. Anything more than that, you're stalking in your borderline, psycho.

Let her go. Next question subject line relationship trouble. Please help, Hey grangeer like to stay anonymous here. I'm in a training I am a in training youth preacher at my local church. And there's a girl that is one of a kind in my eyes. I believe in Jesus and asked him if she is going to be a good choice for me, because my center in a relationship is God and all my signs I asked from God is green flags. So I told my pastor above me about it, and he said I should talk to her about my

signs I got from him. So then I told her all about my signs I got. But then she does not feel the same connection between us, but her actions tell a different story. I have tried to move on, but our paths keep crossing every time. I don't know what to do with my current situation and I'm in on a breaking point. Please help, Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you for your music. I love it. Thank you Anonymous. Okay, Anonymous, I'm gonna go with this last sentence you said, please help.

Any advice would be appreciated. Brother. I hope you're listening. I hope you're listening. Let her go, Let her go. Yeah, it's interesting, right, like you're saying, this is a little bit psycho, buddy, This is a little bit psycho, Just like the email right before it. I don't know how old you are, but I'm assuming you're around a teenager, right, maybe a little older. But it's a little bit scary to be honest with you. Makes me a little uncomfortable

because this is what's going on. You say, First of all, you know Jesus is gonna say this wicked generation that asked for signs. Did you know that, ye, youth, pastor and training, stop asking for signs. You have a book, a Bible, that is the living, breathing word of God, sharper than any two edged sword. That is your sign. It has been spoken, it has finished. Okay, don't look for signs. Second, you asked God and he gave you green lights. Huh. Okay. You told her about this and

she says she doesn't feel the same connection. That means that's not a green light, that's a red light. You read it wrong. You're getting signs from the wrong thing. That's a scary thing in itself. I'm gonna divide this up into many scary things with this email. Remember that old analogy. Maybe you don't. There's this old story that people used to tell, and that said, there's a man and he's on a desert island and He's stranded on the desert island and he said, God, God, please help me,

Please help me. God, I'm stranded on this island. Had a boat floats up to the island and he goes, ah, there's a boat, but I prayed that God would save me. Later, a helicopter comes and they're like, hey, man, are you stranded. He's like, yeah, I'm stranded here, but don't worry. God's gonna save me. And they're like, okay, by let me leave. He died. The man dies, He starves to death, and one day he faces judgment and he goes, God, where were you? And God says, I sent you a boat

in helicopter. What's up? Man, that's what your story is? Got it? You said, God, give me a sign and she said no, I don't want a relationship. And you said, okay, so I'm waiting for this sign from God. She said no, bro, let her go. Let her go. The guys listen to me. Second email in a row. I'm a little frustrated. I'm a little frustrated. I've got a daughter. I've got three sons, but I've also I have a daughter and I love her, and right now she's gonna turn twelve this year. Stop it, guys,

We're gonna have some serious conversations. If this happens to my daughter and there's a guy that doesn't take no, she doesn't want to be in a relationship, he doesn't take that for an answer. God has nothing to do with this at that point, right, God has spoken. You're making this up. Maybe I'm hey, tough love, man. Maybe I'm going a little too far. Maybe I'm being a little too tough on you. Maybe you're only nineteen and this is your first relationship and I'm and I'm maybe

I'm going a little too tough. But listen, tough love. I think tough love is better than me giving you a softball. Okay, let's hit another one here, man, let's hit another one. Subject line on this one says choosing between music and home. Hey, Grandeur, First, I'd like to say I'm a huge fan of yours, and I'm so happy the Lord has called you on a mission to serve and step away from music. I am a country singer,

songwriter and a new father. Lately, I've been battling with the question of how can I be a good father and a touring musician. I am not dating or married to the mother of my child, so it makes things a little difficult. Lately, I've had a great deal of success with music, and I have a song that's almost one million streams in less than six months, Glory to God.

I've been praying and seeking guidance on if I need to step away from music, or if there's a better way to present and to be present in my daughter's life and on tour. The greatest gift God can give a man, besides salvation, is to be a father. I don't want to regret not being present for my daughter, but I also have to I want to be I don't want to regret not chasing my dreams when I feel like I'm so close to achieving them. Thanks for being such a good example for us musicians and fathers.

God bless your pal. Sequoia. All right, my man, let's dive into this. I'm a little worked up, to be honest, the last last couple of emails. You know, guy, I'm a little worked up. Got a daughter, got a daughter at home, right, and so tough love, Sequoia, tough love. Okay, you know I love you. Gotta start out with that. You know I love you. Right, Okay, let's dive into

your email. First thing, I'm gonna say, you say, I've had a great deal of success with music, with a song almost one million streams in less than six months, success according to who, success in relation to what are you? Are you trying to relate yourself to Justin Bieber because Taylor Swift, because she just got a billion in a week, right, So I don't. My point is your dream is unattainable. You don't know what success is if you're measuring it

by streams. One million streams, that's nothing. If you want to play you want to play Major League ball, that's nothing. That's struggling. Six took you six months to get a million stream that's struggling. They're never gonna get a record deal on that coming, right, I'm that low of a stream, right, I'm I'm I'm messing with you here, and I'm half serious. Just to tell you, I want to put in perspective that, bro, you're not gonna find this dream if you're looking for

it in numbers and streams and and chart positions. You're not gonna find it this way. Because it might seem like cess now, but five years from now, if you're still doing that. You're spinning your wheels doing nothing. I'm trying to help with that perspective. Second thing I'm wan to dig on a little bit is man, anyone that emailed me today, I'm sorry because I'm in a mood. Okay. The second thing I want to dig on is this last paragraph. The greatest gift God can give a man

besides salvation is to be a father. That's not biblical at all. That's not in the Bible. You heard that somewhere you you either. I don't think you made it up. You just heard it. It's like, sounds nice, but that's not biblical at all. The greatest gift God could give first of all, the greatest wouldn't be salvation, and the

second surely wouldn't be to be a father. If you're going to start ranking gifts, well, first and foremost, it would be in the presence to know and be in the presence of the Glory of God, Creator, Father, Almighty, right, to be in the presence of Jesus Christ, to absorb the Almighty, the Alpha and the Omega, the King of Kings, the Lord of lords, to be in his presence. That would be enough. Okay, like, that's first, and then we're

gonna go wait on the list. And you know what's way higher than being a father, being a faithful husband? What happened to that? Where's that, buddy? That's ahead of being a father? And you have you're not with the girl, you're not dating or married to the mother of your child. And you say it makes things a little difficult. Of course it does. What are you doing? You're chasing a music dream. You're trying to get a million streams for what? Who cares? What are you gonna get out? You don't

get paid from that. Spotify doesn't pay you that much money for this. You're you gonna make a few bucks? What are you doing? You you're not with the girl, You're not with Are you with another girl? Maybe? Are you out? Are you not in the same city? You're touring away from your child that you already left the mom, right, that's an irresponsibility to leave the mother with the child. And you're gonna go out on tour to chase a dream that we've already established to have success in is unattainable.

M brother, are you feeling me? You're feeling me here? You know who you emailed, right like you emailed the guy that's giving it up because he is realized it's a rat race. You're spinning your wheels. There is nothing you can grab onto. It's a vapor. It's a mist. Only things done for Christ matter. You have left a child, you've gone on tour, you've left the baby mama. You have no intention of reconciling that at all. That's a problem.

You've misidentified gifts from God. That's a problem. You've been praying and seeking guidance. Here I am here, I am brother tough love. I wouldn't be this tough on you if I didn't understand where you're coming from. If I couldn't sympathize with you, I wouldn't be this tough. I would say, wow, I don't know how that feels, but I do. That's why I could say, wake up, do the right thing you did for the child. I let

take a break here back. If you want to get a hold of me for any reason, get a video message from me and send it to someone else, maybe as a gift, maybe to someone that has everything. What do you get them for their birthday or anniversary? Well, you can get them a cameo for me that's super simple at cameo dot com slash Granger Smith, or you can download the Cameo app and search for me Granger Smith, and I will make a video a selfie video on my phone according to what you want me to say

to who you want me to say it to. So this is like happy birthday, or happy anniversary, or Merry Christmas or whatever it might be. Maybe just a word of encouragement. It could be also to you. I could send the message to you. But I use cameo all the time and it has been a very good tool for me to keep in touch with you guys over the last four years that I've been using it. And sitting here as I record this, we're only a couple

weeks away from the release of my book Like a River. Now, as a podcast listener, I hope that you are on another level from just the average listener, the average fan, because you have my heart on this podcast and if you listened this far in to hear what I'm saying now, that means you are invested in what I'm doing, and

I appreciate that so much. What you could do to help me with Like a River is, first of all, pre order that book, and I hope you know that it's coming out on audio version, it's coming out on digital version, it's coming out on hardback. And to be able to review it on whatever website, Barnes and Noble, Amazon,

wherever you get it, Walmart dot com. To be able to review it really helps that book because my goal is to get it into as many hands as possible, especially the people that need to read the message inside of it, someone that's hurting, going through grief or heartbreaks, stuck, they're lost. I want this book to be a beacon, a light at the end of the tunnel that someone could see there is purpose on the other side of this suffering of this pain. Again, the book is called

like a River. It comes out August first, and you could help me by reviewing it or pre ordering it, and especially word of mouth on social media and telling your friends all about this book. Back to the podcast, all right, Obviously I released these every single Monday morning, and obviously I pre record them, so it is currently eleven fifty three PM while I'm recording this, and maybe

there's a correlation. I do better recording these in the morning, and I have less patience because I've been dealing with life during the day, I have a little bit less patience. Maybe that's a lesson for me. Be careful with the podcast. If you're answering at night, you might be a little more frisky. That's what I'm telling That's the advice I'm giving myself if I'm sitting in a truck driving down the road. Right, let's got another question here, subdecline says

X relationship question. Hey grangeer, my name is Zach and I've been going through a really tough time recently regarding one of my exes. So, first off, little backstory. My girlfriend and I were both seventeen and we both felt that we were meant to be together, but her parents didn't like me, even though I was always respectful to her and her family. So nine months into our relationship, her parents made us break up and never gave us

a reason why. Flash forward to now we're enlisted, where I'm enlisted in the military, and I hear that she is in a new relationship with a guy that all my friends says is toxic and bad for her, and they say I'm lucky to have gotten away from her. My question is, even though we haven't been together in years. I feel like I need to say something to her to remind her of her worth, but I don't know if it's more for her or me, If that makes

any sense. Your podcast has helped me through a lot of hard times, and I would love to hear your thoughts. Thank you, Zach, Zach, thank you for the email. Thank you for your service enlisting in the military. I don't want to take a lot of time on this because it's to me, it's very clear. If you and I are sitting together around a campfire, i'd say, lay off the girl, don't message her, don't email her, don't call her to answer your question. Yes, it's about you. It's

about you needing closure. That's why you feel like you need a message. You have this feeling like, oh, I want a savor. I want a savor from this guy. I hear this guy's toxic. So I want to give her a warning, as if she would take your advice, or as if she hasn't heard anyone else tell her that before, or as if she still cares what you would say in that situation. She's gone. It's only you looking for closure. You will find the closure better if

you stop following her. On social media. If you stop asking your friends about her, you just slowly start piling up stuff so you don't see her anymore, and as time goes on slowly, you'll forget, you'll move on. We'll say it that way, Okay, that's your only option reaching out to her to say your current boyfriend is toxic is toxic in itself. Next question here, subject Clie says, is it worth it? Hey Grangeer, there's a girl? Man?

How many times of that? How many times have I got an email that says that, Ay Grangeured, there's a girl that I was talking to this last year. There was everything and I was looking that I was looking for. She told me she wasn't ready and we ended things very roughly. It didn't speak for six months. Fast forward almost a year and we start talking again, but yet again, she says she has some things to work on and

isn't ready. She says she doesn't she wants to be friends, but I know I'll continue having feelings for her if I stay friends with her. Should I stick around or wait for her? Because she's one of a few close friends I have left. The question comes from Jared. Jared almost identical answer. I would give to the last question that I would give to you. This is not going

to work. She's been very clear in relationships. It's so interesting, especially from the outside looking in, when I get these emails, it's interesting that we don't take the person's word for it. It's like say, I don't like you, I want to be friends, I don't think of us in a romantic way, and we think in the relationship, we think, what does she really mean, because surely it's not that it's like man, take her for her word. She said no. Guys, if they say no, if they say that they want to

be friends, they don't want a romantic relationship. No means no. Get away. That's it. If it's too hard for you at that point, if it's too hard to reconcile, block her on everything, including her number, and if you want to feel better about it, give her a text right before you block her and say, hey, just want to let you know this is not personal. I'm trying to

get better. I'm trying to get over you because I really liked you, so this is don't take offense to this, but I'm just about to block you on all socials and block your phone number. Just letting you know. Okay, thank you your friend, goodbye, and then you go in and you block. That's it. If it makes you feel ter, do that. If it doesn't, you don't even have to give an explanation. That is a true path to healing. Separation from them, out of sight, out of mind. Let

some time go by your heart will heal. You'll find someone new subject line The next one says remorse for sexual sins Hey Granger, thank you for taking the time to read this email. Please keep me anonymous. I am a young lady. Uh I read that wrong. I am young and lately, me and my boyfriend of about a year and a half, both Christians and first relationship have been getting closer and closer physically and it's hard to stop.

Though we didn't go all the way, the things we did are not sitting right with us, and remorse is heavy. I know we should be living our relationship the way God once Any advice on how to live our relationship in a way that honors God? Once again, please keep me anonymous. And I love your podcast. Keep up the good work. Okay, great, thank you for the question anonymous. And I'm looking no age here. That's no age I'm

assuming young. You said, first relationship, I'm assuming pretty young. Okay, so this is one of these questions that without more facts, it's hard to spitball here. But I'm gonna tell you what I think. Thanks for your vulnerability, Your heart is in the right place. You're asking the right questions. It's very important just to want to ask this kind of question. It is good. That's a good thing, especially you're kind of mentioning. Both of you are kind of saying this right.

It's not sitting right with us. You said, it's not sitting right with us. I like that. That's cool. I like that. It's really good. A bit of a warning, you said, we've been getting closer and closer physically, and it's hard to stop. Though we didn't go all the way. Okay, we'll just take that little piece right there, And I just want to tell you that getting closer and closer thing that will not stop if you allow it to

go that direction. It's it's not going to get easier and easier when you're getting closer and closer, because when you get physically intimate like this, your bodies, your your souls, like the spirit, whatever you want to call it, your spirit, your soul, your body is connecting. It's it's connecting in a in a neurological chemical way. It's it's it's bonding together. It's that's what humans are meant to do. They're meant to bond for life. So you come together intimately and

you pro create and you bond for life. That's that's a chemical thing, right, That is that is what's going on. And you can't stop that chemical reaction. This is deeper than your willpower. Right, So what do you do? You stop the path of the train. You you redirect the tracks, because if your train stays on that same track, you're gonna get the exact result that you think you're gonna get. It's really really easy. So you have to take the

train off the track. How do you do that? There's a lot of ways we could we we could talk through it. This was a live a live podcast. We could uh top of my head. You're gonna have to create some rules that you don't close the door. You're in a bedroom, you don't close the door ever. You you don't go part down dark places, you don't. If you want to get an extra extra layer to this, you got to have friends when you're alone, you got

to have friends around. So if you guys are going to watch a movie, say right in a dark room on a couch, you got to have a couple other friends at the same time with you. You have to set these ground rules in a time when you're not with them, because when you're with them, you can't make those rules. Why because the chemical reaction begins and you can't stop the train when it's on the same track

right there. So set up these rules. It's kind of like if you're trying to go on a diet, you don't go to the grocery store hungry because you're going to buy the wrong things. So you go to the grocery store after you've made a list for your diet and you're on a foot stomach, you're not hungry. You take your list, you go and you're just systematically get what you need for your diet at the grocery store.

If not, if you don't do that, it's inevitable that you will get the things you don't need to get. The same thing's gonna happen. You will do the things that you will regret, and you will you will regret it. I mean, all of this just take it with a grain of salt. Do what you want. I'm telling you, I'm positive on all these things. You will end up doing what you don't want to do, and then you will regret it and it will be a problem, and it could be a really big problem. Right. The decision

now is up to you. You know what, something you could do, something you can do is put this on him. Put it on him, And I think that's You're not gonna trust him, right, You're not gonna trust all of this with him. You're gonna do your own due diligence to prevent this. But put it on him too, and just say, can I trust you that this won't go too far? And have him look you in the face, and we'll see what kind of man he is. You'll know a lot about what happens after that. You'll know

a lot. In fact, you might know so much so that you could say you're not the right guy for me, I can't trust you, or you could say you have earned my trust and you could be someone that could spend the rest of my life with. It could be that easy. Next question here, subject line here says getting saved after marriage. Hey, grangeur my husband and I have been married for eight years this year. Neither of us believed in God during our time dating, nor when we

got married. About six months into marriage, I went into a terrible depression and God called me to the church. I went hesitantly and was immediately shown the love of God by the Holy Spirit. God turned my life upside down, and I became a believer, dedicated my life to Jesus, and I got baptized. My husband and I had been going through a rough time due to had been going through a rough time due to my depression and then

this significant turnaround. He was even feeling a bit jealous of God, as if I was having an affair on him because of how happy and new I was. God restored our marriage during this time, and life became new. I of course wanted to share this with him, and so I pushed my new found faith in God on to him. He was quick to say, this is fine for you, but please don't push your beliefs on to me. I respectively backed off and grew in my own faith.

When we decided a couple of years later to have a child, I told my husband I wanted to raise the baby as a Christian and in the church together as a family. He agreed as long as he didn't have to be there every weekend and that and then she needed to be old enough to decide her own beliefs. I wouldn't force her to continue attending church, and I agreed.

I'm sorry all this is a little bit long. My husband had been attending church with us for about a has been attending for about a year and a half now. It started out as only every other weekend, but after we joined a small group and created community within the church, he began attending weekly with us. Praise God. I know God is moving in him, but he is still not a believer. It has been seven and a half long years of praying for God to soften his heart, and

I'm still waiting. This makes marriage extremely difficult because we have had a lot of different view us and opinions. We have been in a season for about three years now where we have a really hard time connecting, both emotionally and physically. We are in regular couple's counseling and we put a lot of hard work into it, but it never seems to be enough. I have been patient in my husband's changing faith, praying that God will call him to his own in his own timing, but something

sometimes it feels so so hard. In the past, I have even considered divorce due to our differences, but through prayer and scripture, I know better, and so I continue to fight for our marriage while waiting on God to change his heart. How can I connect with my husband even though we are extremely different? How can I help my relationship flourish in the waiting? Many blessings, Amanda. Okay, great.

I usually don't like to read an email that long, and I accidentally got into it didn't see it, but Amanda, thank you. I didn't mean that in anything against your email. Thank you for opening up and being vulnerable and bringing this situation, and it's you needed to tell it all, So thank you for that. Your question after this email, which is difficult and beautiful at the same time, your question is how can I connect with my husband although

we are extremely different? How can I help my relationship flourish in the waiting? I love that man, That's so good. That's such a beautiful thought. And I appreciate you saying this because I think a lot of people would have the sentiment of the sucks. I hate this. This is so difficult, and I'm sure it is, and I'm sure you've had You've shed your your share of tears. But we could almost use this question and relate it to anybody, not just an unbelieving husband. But how do I connect

with my husband although we are extremely different. That works with a lot of different relationships, right, not just believe or non believer whatever. And I would say this relationship building or relationship flourishing, that's your words. It depends so much on self lessness. All of us are hidden narcissist in some way. And I say that because and somebody might be thinking I'm not. I'm definitely not. I'm so humble. Maybe you are. But the reason I say it that way,

I mean it. We are so self absorbed. That's our natural state. We naturally are self absorbed because we're constantly needing to take care of ourselves hunger, thirst, hot, cold, tired. Like we we follow ourselves and our feelings, our fleshly feelings constantly all day long. We are we are appeasing our desires all the time, whether it's I got a sweet tooth right now, whether it's I want to hit this snooze and sleep for ten more minutes, whether it's you know what, I don't. I don't want to be

in this conversation right now. I got to I've got a headache, whether it's my lower back is sore, and I'd like just sit down for a little bit. We're constantly appeasing ourselves all day long, for years, that's what we do. And so to reverse that is to say, I'm going to deny my self my selfishness and pour into someone else. That's why it's so interesting, and I don't think we think another about how profound it is. When Jesus says love your neighbor as yourself. He doesn't

say love your neighbor more than yourself. He doesn't say, make sure you love yourself first and then love your neighbor. He doesn't say that. He says, love your neighbor as yourself. It's so interesting. I don't think we really dig into what that means, because it's assuming that we love ourselves. That's what it assumes. Jesus is assuming, well, you love yourself, love your neighbor like that. Do you know how you

love yourself? You know how you feed yourself when you're hungry, you know how you give yourself aspirin when you've got a headache. You know how you go and lay down and take a nap when you're tired. Do that the same way for someone else. Do that, not more, not over the top, not less, Just do that. That's so fascinating right In fact, I know there's people listening right now thinking to themselves, why not me? I don't love myself. Jesus was wrong about me because I can't love my

neighbor as myself because I don't even love myself. It's so crazy. Think about it just for a second. That thought. That thought is self loving because you're in a way worrying about yourself. In that situation, you are feeling sorry for yourself, saying I don't love myself. I don't love myself. And so we go to therapy and we pay money to therapists and psychiatrists, and we talk to people and counseling, all to make us feel better, to love ourselves more.

So we pour into ourselves and have other people when we pay this money. We lay on counteres and we talk about our feelings all because we're trying to love ourselves more. That sounds like obsessive love, Like when have you ever done that for someone else, gone out of your way. God, take them to therapy, take them to counseling, lay on account, talk about your feelings, make sure they're eating right. Make that's what we do for ourselves. It's crazy.

In fact, the pinnacle of this self love, and my opinion, this is just my opinion. The pinnacle of this is suicide. Because suicide, at its core, at its essence, is so self loving that it says I don't care about anyone else. All I care about is my own peace and rest, and I will do it. I will obtain the peace and the rest through killing myself. I will obtain this at all costs. I don't care about mother and father and spouse and sibling and friends and boss and co workers.

I don't care about any of them. They could deal with my funeral. They could deal with the every aftermath of all this. They could deal with the sadness. They could deal with the shock of walking in on this horrible scene. They could deal with it. I don't care. I love myself so much so toxically, I'm willing to take my own life just to achieve my own rest.

It's crazy, and I believe that's true. I believe that's what Jesus means when he says love others as yourself, assuming we already love ourselves, even if you think it's hate, because hating is a close friend of love. The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference. I don't care, and no one is indifferent to themselves. Try to go a day and without eating, Try to go a week without sleeping. You're not indifferent to it.

You're obsessed with it. You gotta pacify it, right. My point, here's my point, and I'll make this simple because I went out probably too long on that, but my point is this, how could you help your relationship flourish? How can you connect with your husband? You can connect with him by selflessly enjoying or trying to involve yourself in

things that he likes. Like maybe you've noticed that he likes to come in and relax and he likes to watch football on Monday nights afterwards, like that's his thing, and you don't like it. You don't really like you don't really understand football. It's never really been your thing. Maybe you fix his favorite meal and you sit down on the couch and you go can you teach me about this game? What does the downs mean? What does end zone mean? What if you did that? And inside

you're thinking, I don't care, this is stupid. I'm I've got things to do. I'm busy right now. Those thoughts are gonna come. But what if you thought I'm gonna put that stuff aside. I'm gonna deny all that and I'm gonna pour into him tonight. And you watched little things that he did and everything that you watched, and you acted on in a loving, selfless way, And he's going, what isn't with this girl? She is amazing? What has changed in her heart? This Jesus guy, it's gotta be.

This has gotta be something that I need because I can't know. I can't believe what it's doing to her. In fact, that's what Jesus teaches. Love your neighbor as yourself. That's the message. I love you guys selflessly. I appreciate you so much. We'll see you next Monday. You need thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith podcast. Appreciate all of you guys. You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to

this channel. Hit that little like button and the notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a question for me that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Yi