#189 Had To Pull The Plug

I love doing these podcasts and it doesn't feel like I've done that many, even though I've been with you guys for a long time now, answering your questions, and that's kind of the format of this podcast. If you're new, is you email me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com and I'll put it in the queue and it could be about anything in life, really, and we'll talk about it in long form, like we're sitting around a campfire. Right.

I want to say too that I'm very excited expectant about this book, my book Like a River, coming out on August the first, and the reason I mentioned that here is because a lot of the questions that I get, especially the ones about struggle or grief or loss or anxiety, A lot of these things are going to be addressed in the book that happened to me, right, It's there's

going to be very personal experiences with me. And so we have a couple more months of me doing a podcast without that book out, and I'm so excited because once it does, it's going to be a conversation starter and it's going to allow me in many ways to say, hey, check out the book. Check out the book, and then ask that question again to me with the new perspective of what you know from the book. I think that's

going to be very helpful. I think that's going to push this podcast even further along and we'll be able to go to new depths of conversation. That's what I think. And for those of you that don't read, or you're not into reading at all, I'm also recording the audiobook version, so you'll be able to get both of those on August first. So yeah, it's called like a River. Super excited about that. And let's jump into the first question

here in the queue. I don't have notes in front of me, I don't have famous quotes or answers to tough questions. I'm just I'm just going to go for it here. This one actually just came in like twelve minutes ago, and so I was like, oh, one just came in right before I hit record, and I might as well just read that. And I read these for the first time in front of you guys, so you're hearing it at the same time that I'm reading it. Subject line on this first one says mental health and

work with mental health with work and life balance. Hey Greiner. First off, I'm a big fan of your music and podcasts and find peace from listening to your podcast while at work. I'm a deputy sheriff at a rural law enforcement agency in Utah. With that being said, I have a front row seat to the worst things that this life has to offer, but have also seen things I can only describe as miracles. On top of work, my wife and I have been experiencing reoccurring pregnancy, loss, and

miscarriage over the past few years. We do have a beautiful daughter who is now five years old. I feel mentally strong most days, but still struggle. I'm not a religious person due to experiences in my youth with organized religion, but feel great while listening to the words that you share in your podcast, your music has hit a special place in my heart lately, especially Tailgate Church. Pew, how

do you recommend keeping my mental health strong? Can't wait to see you in Salt Lake on June The second says thanks Blake from Utah, and Blake, thank you for your service. You have seen things that I can't imagine. So all of us here at the podcast thank you for what you do. What you have chosen to do the line of work you've chosen to do to not only put your your own life at risk, but you are putting your mental health at risk by seeing things so that other people don't have to see them. Right.

That's tough, and so I can't begin to act like I know what you go through on a daily basis. Literally, you wake up, you go to work, and you don't know if that day you're going to see something really bad, or experience something really bad, or even physically experience something bad. So there's not an easy answer to that. And when you say, I think what you're trying to say too is hey, Grangeer, don't give me the religious stuff. I

think that's what you're kind of saying. And you've heard this podcast a lot, so you know you know the direction I lean, but you have to understand that by asking me, hey Granger, give me your mental health analysis without being religious. That's that's like saying, hey Granger, I know you love you love soup, but I don't. I don't deal with bulls and spoons, So give me the soup on a plate, you know, Like, that's that's what I'm trying to do. So I'm gonna try to give

you first. I'm gonna give you the spoon first. I'm gonna give you the soup on a plate and see how far we get with that. Right. Community is so important for you to stay involved with other men and women that have seen things that you have seen that I have experienced, things that you have experienced, and you talk through it. I can't I can't imagine just how important and that would be for you to have some

kind of support group that other than your wife. Because there's certain things you're just not going to tell your wife. There's certain certain roads you're not going to walk down with her, like hey, babe, let me let me tell you about this horrible thing I said, because you don't want to drag her into it. But there needs to be at its simplest form a text thread with four or five, six, seven people, it's like, hey, man, how's everybody's week going? Man, guys, I saw something crazy on Tuesday?

What was it? Yeah? I saw this and this and this and then someone else. Go. Man, I saw something similar to that back in December of twenty seventeen. What'd you do about it? Man? To be honest with you, you know, I still think about it, but I did this and this. Oh that's helpful, you know, like that that kind of community is so important for humans because on one level, it just reminds us that we're not

in this alone. We're not in anything alone. There's always someone walking a similar path, a parallel path in some way to what you're doing. So, Man, you might have this blake, but you might not. And so I want to tell you that having that kind of community if guys, and I say guys, probably more importantly guys than girls, because you are a guy and you don't want to you don't want to confide in a girl with emotional things.

That's that could lead to bad stuff. So I'm saying predominantly guys, you're you're going to be just pouring in and just checking up on them and you helping them and supporting them is just as helpful for your own mental health. So, for instance, someone goes, hey, Blake, man, I uh, I got into some bad stuff the other day. I gotta I drove up on a bad call and

I'm really struggling with it. So then you, Blake, you hear that, and you go tell me about it, talk about lets talk about let me let me give you some thoughts about that, and let me give you You don't have to fix the problem, you don't have to give them a solution, but you can. You could say, let me just listen to you for a little bit, let me just hear what you got to say. And through this, as that person goes is the phone call starts wrapping up and they say, hey, Blake, I appreciate

you man, thank you, thank you for listening. And then right then boom, there's like a little spark inside of you that goes, man, Actually I feel better myself for my own stuff that I got going on. I feel better for helping you and make it and helping you to feel better. It's it's weird as humans how that works. It. You know, it's like we forgive and then we feel forgiven. We we relieve someone of their guilt and then we

feel less guilt on our part. We compliment someone and we feel we feel that gratitude come back to us. It's very interesting how this happens. It's almost like it's connected to the Gospel in some way. It's almost like Jesus said, love others as you love yourself. It's almost like he said that in a way that's not just philosophical, but it's in a way that maybe he knows our makeup, he knows how we were created in a way, how we're programmed in a way to respond to this kind

of this kind of stuff strange, right. I don't want to I don't want to end the question here with eating soup out of a plate. I do want to mention Blake that you said you have seen things you could only describe as miracles. I want to say, I want to want to point that out. I want to point out that you're you have been struggling in your own personal life, not just work, but with your wife

and family. And then I want to kind of highlight that you say I'm not a religious person due to experiences in my youth with organized religion, I'm assuming you're talking about the Mormon Church. In fact, I know you are, and I want to highlight the fact that Jesus was not religious. In fact, he was against the extreme organized

religion of the Pharisees and Sadducees. I want to highlight that and just kind of put a pebble in your shoe as you're walking, so that you could remember that experiences you had in your youth due to organized religion. Those are your words. Have nothing to do with God. It has everything to do with man's misinterpretation of how to worship God. I'm going to leave it at that.

I'm assuming we're going to get on some kind of subject like this more in the podcast, but I want to kind of leave it with that and leave you with a plate full of soup and blake. I hope we can keep in touch, and I know I'm going to see you in Salt Lake on June second, so looking forward to that, brother. All right, let's go to another question here. The subject line says, how do I keep myself together? They grant your My name is Michael spelled that way? And am I c H E A

L spelled that way? Because of my late grandmother. I just want to I wanted some guidance on how to move on and try to feel better. April thirtieth, twenty twenty three, my grandmother had passed. I was there and she quickly declined in health and fast within four days. I I'm trying to read. I'm reading exactly what he wrote. I her only grandson. I'm assuming I mean I was her only grandson. I was there every day until she

took her final breath in front of me. Well when I when that time had come, my uncle, and my father and my great aunt had all laid the decision on me to pull the plug. Of course, all the pressure I had to say yes, and I felt like I did the right thing. But I also feel wrong that I did that. There are there have only been a handful of times in my twenty six years alive

that I've seen my father cry. My father is that type to get up and work and never complain, never let us see things that bother him, you know, the typical tough guy. He embraced me, and I lost my mind in the er. Once again, I'm trying to follow him this email. Here he goes on to say, I had this dark, empty hole in my heart, and I feel like it's taboo to talk to my father and mom about how I feel because I shouldn't burden them.

Some days it's harder than I appreciate your input. Thank you, Michael. All Right, Michael, this is this is a complex email, but I'm gonna make it simple. You you're emailing me

too early. You're asking for guidance too early, because it hasn't even been a month yet since she passed, and not only did you lose someone that you loved greatly, your grandmother, but you you feel responsible for making the decision to turn off the lights life support machine, even though I'm certain that you had guidance by doctors right to do this, so that this wasn't like you just decided to kill your grandmother or help her along with

her suicide or that's weird stuff, but sometimes that's how we feel with this, right. So the bottom line of what's happening here is you are emailing me too early because these are some things that you're just gonna have to process day by day, minute by minute. And there is nothing that anyone can say, or no special magic spell that I could put on you that's gonna get you further along. But there's some days you're gonna feel good. You're gonna wake up and the sun's gonna be shining.

You're gonna get up and go to work, and you're gonna you're gonna say, you know, I loved my grandma and I lost her, but she lived a good life. And you know what, I'm okay with that. I'm pretty good with that. I'm hungry. I'm gonna eat a good meal, and I'm gonna remember her. Oh, I'm gonna look through some pictures of her. And she was so special and we shared so many times together, and I love that.

And then in a matter of hours, sometimes sometimes it's the next day when you wake up, or sometimes it's just literally an amount. Just in a matter of hours, everything changes, and it's like the sun goes behind the clouds and you and the darkness falls upon you, and you go, no, I can't, I can't. I can't live without her. I don't I want my grandma back. And and to make things worse, I'm the one. I'm the one that pulled the plug on the on the life support.

How could I be such an idiot? How could I have done that? And that's like two different personalities just fighting each other. Jeck go and hide, and it's it's these misfires in the brain, right because your brain is just cycling through daily life and sustaining itself through thoughts and in calculating hunger and being tired and needing to accomplish goals. And your brain's doing all these things and it'll cycle through like a computer and it goes Grandma,

the error cycle again, Grandma, dude, error. It's just like a computer and you could feel it cycling and it comes up with an error message. And the error message shoots this message all the way across the other side of your brain, and then the other side of your brain goes, what's going on, right side of the brain and it says, I'm getting an error message from grandma

and you go yeah, because she's dead. And then he goes, what hang on a second, and it sends it sends another message in it goes yeah, and you're the one that pulled the plug. And then the other side of the brain takes that message and goes, hold on, guys, this is this is this is not good. You know that's it's okay. Grandma was great and we loved her and we're this is a natural process of grieving, and the other side of the brain goes shut up. Man,

it's this this, this this battle. And I know what I'm rambling and it's sounding ridiculous right now, but this is what goes on. That's the most unscientific way to put the waves of grief, but that's that's what's happening. You'll go through these waves. And what's important in a wave of grief is to realize that when you're in when you're in the trough, which is the bottom of the wave, realizing you'll be back on the crest. Okay, it's that's a cycle. Life is a cycle of waves.

Everything is a wave. The sound is a wave, light is a wave. Grief, love, it's all a wave. Heartbreak it's a wave. Pain is a wave, right, Joy is a wave. Happiness is a wave. Even the sunlight it's waves. So imagine yourself like you're at the ocean, and when you're in the trough, you will eventually go back up to the crest, not on your own doing. You don't do this, you just float. But it's important to recognize

I'm on the I'm on top. Things are pretty good, like the sunshine and things are pretty good, but I know I'll be back down. So then you realize you're starting to creep down. And when you get down, it's realizing. You have to realize as you're down, I'm not gonna stay here. I'm not stuck at the bottom of this wave. I'll be back out. But what do I do? Now?

What do I do when I'm at the bottom. I just breathe and I let my heart beat and I just let it be, realizing I'm just gonna let this pain sit over me and I'll be back out of it. But it's not the end. Okay, it's not the end. That's my best unscientific way to describe what you're going through. Let's take a break and bear it back. This show

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And I like the idea of this because I'm just I'm not a good person when it comes to like scheduling an appointment for a doctor, and then you know driving in and for me it takes me twenty minutes thirty minutes to get into town, and so I just I like the idea of having something completely online. So if you're thinking about giving therapy a try, try out Better Help. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. That is so good for me.

Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and then you could switch therapist at any time for no additional charge. Find more balance with better Help. Visit Betterhelp dot com slash Granger today and get ten percent off your first month. That's Better Help h LP dot com slash Granger. You know, if you ever want to get a hold of me or have me send you a message, have you ever thought about

cameo dot com. It's such a great way for me to be able to reach out to you guys and give you a gift of a video message. And you could order it for any of your friends, or for yourself, or for any anniversary or birthday or special occasion or pep talk of any kind. I've probably done every scenario that you could think of. You go to cameo dot com slash Granger Smith or download the cameo app and

search for me Granger Smith. I do a message right here on my phone, reading your prompt however you want me to say it, and then it just goes straight to your phone. It's literally a video message from me. It's so easy and so simple. And then finally, you, guys, I've told you, but please be aware that August first, like a river. The book comes out. I would love for you guys to check it out, and I'd love to get your feedback on that. You could pre order

right now wherever you love to buy books. You could also be directed to all of those sites from my homepage grangersmith dot com. Back to the podcast, all right, Back to these questions. The first one I've pulled up here, subdecline says forgiveness Granger. I'd like to remain anonymous, but I have a question about forgiveness. I got married in twenty sixteen, got divorced shortly after in twenty seventeen after

my then wife had two miscarriages. I ended up remarrying in twenty nineteen to my now wife and have a beautiful little girl. My first marriage was not biblical or God centered in any way. Even though the relationship didn't seem toxic, it was not healthy and I see that now being remarried in a great marriage. I still look back and know that there were issues in my first marriage.

I never forgave asked for forgiveness from my ex. My question is would it be wrong to write a letter to my ex to ask for forgiveness but also forgive her? Should I talk about this to my wife. I think about this a lot, and I'm not sure what to do. PS. I met you at a show in twenty fourteen in Miami, Oklahoma, Miama, Oklahoma. Still the great memory. Thanks Anonymous. All right, Anonymous man, thank you for being vulnerable and opening up on something

that's very close to your heart and very complicated. And I appreciate that. I appreciate you trusting me with it. I don't always have the right answers, but I'm just going to treat you like a friend. And we're driving down the road in a truck and you you say, hey, man, can I ask you this question? That's that's what this podcast is for. So here's my opinion. Yes, talk to your wife. You should talk to your wife about everything. You should be very upfront with this situation when you

get divorced and then get remarried. Kind of part of that package. In my mind, part of the package of the remarriage is an understanding from the new wife that things weren't always you know, tied up in a pretty bow in your life relationship wise, that that should be obvious. No new wife is going to be surprised by this kind of information or at least she shouldn't and you should talk about this because this is a product of a broken home and it's not bad. It's I mean

it's not. It's not a bad analysis on you because this is just where you are, this is just what your life is right now. This is the card you've been dealt, and you've got to play it right. I set that up because I'm trying to justify why the new wife should be cool with this kind of conversation. She should expect it. And that is the tragedy of divorce itself. Divorce is just shouldn't be always part of

the plan. It shouldn't be part of a plan. But in this world, we live with it like it is, like it's normal, Like everyone gets divorced, and so that's just part of it. You mess up, You strike out the first one, then you get the second one, and then hopefully that goes well. But you might strike out on that one, and then you go to the third one. By the time you're a little bit older in life,

maybe you haven't figured out on the third spouse. That's kind of the way this culture thinks, and it's just not right. It's not right. I don't agree with it at all. But once again, it's not a bad analysis on you. I'm just kind of kind of putting your story on top of culture and going, yeah, I see it, I see it there. It is right. So what I think you're doing is full of integrity, and it's a very good thing, Anonymous. It's a very good thing, and

I'm all about it. Divorce in this way, especially when you say when you're talking about biblical or godly divorce in this way needs to be completely reconciled in itself, hopefully before the next marriage. It should be through church. It should be So you didn't yet, but that's okay because we're doing it now. We're talking about it now. And so that would be my counsel to you, is that, Yes, you go to your wife, here's here's the practical thing. You go to your wife and you say, but here's

the story I feel is heavy on my heart. I'm so grateful for you, I love you, etc. Etc. Got to say that, and then you say, I need to reach out to her in some way. Can you help me, new wife, Can you help me logistically figure out appropriate, in all respect to you, appropriate way to reach out to her to start this conversation. Right, Maybe it's a letter, maybe it's an email, Maybe it's a cup of coffee, maybe it's a phone call, maybe it's a text. But

work that out with your current wife. And then when you do reach out, and I think you absolutely should, because this has to be reconciled. It will. Your conscience will not let you live this down if you don't. So I don't have to tell you your own conscious is not gonna let you sleep until you do this. But yes, say it's a letter. Hypothetically, let's go with a letter. You write her a letter and you just say,

dear ex wife, your name. I think about the way that things ended quite a bit, and as you know, I'm happily married now, but because of the way that we were bonded together, I feel a connection that has not that I have not been able to put to rest. And I feel like I could do that through forgiving you. And I know that we had hard times. I know that you didn't say toxic. You said it was not toxic, but you said it wasn't healthy, So so I know

that it wasn't healthy at all times. And I know that we both said some things that maybe we shouldn't have, and maybe we left it in a way that we shouldn't have. And I just want to tell you right now, and you don't have to respond at all, but I want to tell you that I'm just so sorry and

I forgive you for everything that you did. And I know that there's pain that was associated with her, with our marriage, with the miscarriages, and I just want to tell you I don't hold any of that against you at all, and I completely forgive you for anything that might have happened. Right and then you could leave it open ended, and you could. You could, you can say, do you forgive me? But but that's almost it goes without saying that she's that just that's part of it.

But here's the hard part. You can't expect anything to come out of this beside your own healing. What I mean is you can't expect her to reply. You can't expect her to say I agree, I feel the same way. I'm glad you reached out. I forgive you too. You can't expect anything from her. In fact, you could get something bad. You could get her to say, don't you ever reach out to me again? So you don't build old expectations on what she's going to say at all.

You build your expectation on your own ability to forgive her and say you're sorry to her, to close that door yourself, because that's what you can control. And I believe your healing comes from that and not from the way that she reacts to it. I think it's a good thing you're doing, brother. Next question, subject line says regrets in life. Hey Granger, my name is Joshua. I'm a born again Christian. My question is how do I

get past the past. I feel as if a cycle I live in has been almost ten years long now. My wife calls me a hermit because I don't like being around people. I suffer from depression and chronic migraines that were set off by a TBI accident while I served our nation in the army. A part of me regrets serving because I did not used to be like this. My wife says it has progressed and is causing problems in our marriage. I want to change, but it seems no matter how hard I try, I revert back to

my reclusive state of mind. I'm afraid to ask for help from my pastor or from the VA because I know the negative persona placed on veterans who have mental struggles. Any help would be appreciated. Thank you and God blessed Joshua. All right, Joshua, scanning back on your email as I read it for the first time. Here, So you're a born again Christian, that's the interesting part you said in

the first line. And then I just want to tell you, first of all, thank you for your service, and thank you for trusting me with such sensitive information, being vulnerable like this. I appreciate it, and I could feel the pain. I could see the pain in your words. First off, let's go to suffering from depression and chronic migraines that were set off by a TBI incident while serving. Let's start with that, because that's something that's going to get into a world I cannot help you with at all.

That's going to require a doctor, which is going to need to come through the VA. So eventually, the way I see this, Joshua, and really this is the way I see it, that we in life. Just like the last question, I said, here's what you're responsible for, here's what you can do, and here's what you shouldn't expect, and here's what you're not responsible for. Right. That was the last question dealing with the ex wife. But in

your in your scenario, it's the same thing. We have to start separating what you're responsible for and what you're not. And so you don't put expectations on what you're not. You put your expectations on what you are responsible for. So this is what I think you're responsible for. The line that you said, I'm afraid to ask for help from my pastor or the VA because I know the negative persona placed on veterans who have mental struggles. I'm going to say, Joshua, your job coming from me as

your friend listening to this. If we're driving in the pickup truck and you bring this up to me, I say, Joshua, right now, you got to get over that. You got to you got to get past that. You don't have to get past depression. You don't have to get past migraines. You don't have to get past being a hermit. You don't have to get past your wife feeling like the marriage is struggling. You don't have to get past the PTSD you have from serving. You don't have to get

past that's the ten year cycle that you're stuck in. Okay, let's make a priority list all that stuff you can't control right now. But what can start it is what can kickstart all of this is the one thing you can control, and that's you get in your pickup truck and you drive down there to the VA and you say, my name's Joshua. I'm struggling. I got a lot of mental issues from serving and I need to talk to somebody, Okay. And you said the very first line, you said, I'm

a born again Christian. Prove that to me. Prove it to me. You know how, you know how you could prove that to me by showing me, showing me, show me that your faith is real. Right, you say I've got faith. I say, show me live it out. Go to your pastor. You said, I don't want to go to my pastor. Why Because there's this negative persona placed on veterans who have mental struggles. Brother, you're gonna have to get past that. You got to get past that. You got to go to your pastor, and you got

to you gotta say. Let me ask you this, why, Joshua, do you feel comfortable emailing me the country singer guy that's on a podcast, and yet you can't tell behind closed doors your pastor or somebody at the VA. I want to challenge you with that. I want to it's a friendly challenge. I let's say, get your butt in your truck and go to the church or the VA, and hopefully both, and tell them your story and just be vulnerable and just say it exactly. You don't have

to say anything more than what you told me. Just say. My name is Josh Struggling. I've got some migraines. My wife calls me a hermit. I'm suffering from depression. I feel like my marriage is suffering because of this, and I need some help. You don't have to be a superman here. You don't have to be a superhero. You don't have to be all buttoned up and everything's perfect. In these kind of situations, you got to go now, and you got to open up, and you got to

just let you get us. Let it loose. No one, Josh, hear me. No one is gonna blame you for this, man, no one. You served our country. You served us well, thank you for that. Now let us serve you right, Let us in our system, let us serve you back. As a way to say thank you for what you have done for us. You have allowed me and my family to live a life that we get to choose the career path and choose where we go to school,

and choose how we live, choose where we worship. You've allowed us that, so allow us to serve you back now. And we do that through the VA, and we do that through our local pastors. Plug into your local church, pour into the pastor, let him pour into you. I can't speak as much for the VA because I know that they have a bad rep sometimes and I know that some times it might be a waiting list and it might be long lines, and it might be no phone calls back. But let me ask you this question,

is your marriage worth it? Is your life for these past ten years, this cycle? Is it worth ending the cycle? Then? I think you would get on that waiting list. I think you'd make that phone call. I think you'd go talk to the pastor. And this is not this is not a meet with a pastor. And it's and it's fixed because there's going to be a doctor involved that's

going to deal with these migraines. Right, these chronic migraines are going to require medication, and the medication is going to come from a doctor, and the doctor is going to come from someone who knows you. It's not a quick fix, but this is the starting line, the starting line for you, my friend. My challenge is to break this mentality. Break it apart. That says, I don't want to open up because I'm I'm too strong. I don't want to reveal that I'm soft. You gotta stop it, Josh.

Next question, subject client says, girlfriend, Hi, my name is Brandon. I'm fourteen. I live in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I'm dating this girl. She's amazing. I love her so much. But the problem is I barely get to see her. She is constantly busy, and I really don't want to lose I don't want her to lose interest from not seeing me. Do you have any idea what I could do? I'm sorry, I said Brandon, didn't I it's Braiden. Braiden, you're fourteen. You

let me reread your sentence. Let me just point out your sentence doesn't have a single punctuation and the whole paragraph doesn't have a single punctuation point at all. I'm dating this girl. She's amazing, and I love her so much. But the problem is I barely get to see her. She is constantly busy, and I really don't want her. Okay, Brandon, back away from the girl, Back away from the girl, Buddy,

it's there's better things right now at fourteen. It's it's so hard to be so wrapped up at fourteen thinking the girls amazing and you love her so much. I'm gonna tell you, Braiden, that's a problem. Okay. It's also a problem that I keep saying, Brandon, Braiden, it's a problem. Okay, hear me on this. Be fourteen, Be in a club, or have a hobby, or play a sport, be with your buddies, go out with your friends, and do stuff

like what can you do? You can't even drive. You can't even drive yet that and you're loving a girl so much. This is only going to lead to problems. And how do I know? How do I know this besides the fact that I was fourteen? I know this because she's busy and she's a little girl. If she's too busy for you, and she's a little girl, which she is a young teenager and she's too busy for you, that means she doesn't want to see you. She doesn't want to be around you. You are smothering her. Stop

smothering her. Back away, go with your friends, your guy friends, and get a hobby. That's my advice. If I had a guest here like Bernie, he would say, Granger, hang on, be nicer. But Braiden, I'm telling you. I only tell you things because I want to tell you the truth. It would be ridiculous for me to go Braiden. Oh, thanks for emailing buddy, so sorry to hear about this girl problem. Maybe get some roses, drop it off on

her front porch, Braiden. Maybe maybe write her a nice love note and get some hr She's kisses and put it next to the roses. Just remember be patient with her. Text you all the time and just say thinking about you and pour into her. It would be ridiculous. That would be ridiculous. Uh, seriously, I just realized something. After this whole time I've been talking to you, I realized something. You misspelled your own name. Your name is Brandon, and

in the email it says Braiden. But in your email it says b A N D O N. And then your email says, hey, my name is braid Dawn, fix your punctuation, fix your spelling, get your name right, dump the girl, get a hobby, hang out with your buddies, and let's go fishing sometime. That's my advice. Jump on one more here. Seven client says guidance. Hey granderom, my name is Andrew. I'm twenty eight from Illinois. Recently my grandpa passed away. It's been quite a challenge for me

and my family. On top of that, there's also a lot of changes going on where I work as a car technician. I struggle with anxiety quite a bit, especially with my job, and I know God is always in control, but lately I feel like it's been getting worse and worse for me. I guess my question is, how do you truly have that comfort and peace when everything around you seems like it's falling apart. PS. I met you at a concert recently in Illinois and briefly discussed my anxiety,

and it was an absolute blessing to speak with you. Andrew, Thank you, brother. You also included a picture of us here, which is great. I appreciate you. It always helps when you include a picture, and then I could put a face to your words here. Yeah, this is an email that there's one line that just stands out that just and I wonder if people listen to this podcast and go, oh, I know where Granger's going with this when I've heard

him one hundred and eighty nine different episodes. But there's one line that sticks out to me right off the bat. And you you start with a bunch of anxiety and I'm losing losing a grandpa, and you end it with a bunch of anxiety. And I want to point out what you said in the middle. You said, I know God is always in control. And I say back to you, Andrew, do you No, you don't, you don't. I don't believe you. I don't believe you at all. I don't believe you

one bit. I mean, it's like use that, use that in any other scenario in life. It doesn't work that I don't believe you. What if you said? What if you said? Man? I just I am struggling with catching the football and I don't like practices, and the Texas heat is so rough on me in two days and my coach yells at me all the time, and I just I don't know. These shoulder pads are really scratching me and making my shoulders break out with hives. But

I really love football. I would say, you don't love football, don't. You don't love it at all? You don't. You don't, and Andrew, You don't trust God. You don't say I'm struggling, I'm grieving, I'm hurting. My job sucks. I don't know what to do. That's the key right there. I don't know where to go from here. I don't know how to have comfort and peace. I don't know how to have comfort and peace when everything around me is falling apart.

But I trust God. I say, no, you don't. So you gain trust by surrendering to him and by absorbing his words, ever living, breathing word the Bible. You absorb that word and you read it, and you wake up and you set your alarm earlier, and you say, yeah, I'm gonna man, my life is really crazy right now God, and so I decided to open up Philippians one right,

That's where I want you to start. Andrew. Then, my challenge to you is to read the Book of Philippians, the Letter of Philippians, and read through it and a couple of days. It's very short, very very short, but I want to give you a couple of days to read it and read it again, and read it again three times, three times. I want you to read through Philippians, okay, starting with one. I'm not talking about finding special verses. I'm not talking about following a map of things to

where the Bible talks about what you're dealing with. I'm talking about absorbing it. Absorbing Paul's letter in one reading, and I want you to read that three times over the course of two days. And I want you to keep telling God that like God, I say that I trust you, but I'm not living like it. I say that I trust you, but I'm nervous. I say that I trust you, but I sure don't prove it at

all to anyone. Help me with this. Help me to trust you, help me to surrender, help me to understand that this whole job falling apart and me losing my grandpa helped me to understand that this is part of my life here. And so I give it to you because I can't control these things. I can't control my job, I can't control my grandpa. I can't control the people that I love. I can't control anything falling apart. But what I can control is how I trust you through

it all. How would you know that, Andrew? How would you base trust on something like this? Right? How could you base your trust on God? Let me give you a hint. He knows the end, He planned the middle, and he built the whole concept before it even started. Would that help you trust anybody? I said, Oh yeah, talk to him. He planned this whole thing out and he knows how it ends. And guess what. Here's the kicker. It ends good. You go, oh, well, yeah, I would

trust that. I would trust the person that planned it, built it, ended it good. I would trust that even when in the middle it doesn't seem like it's worth anything. I've talked a lot about this and a lot of different things in my life. Andrew, you probably heard me. But I want to challenge you with that. Reading Philippians three times in two days, and while you're doing it, break out in prayer and go God, I don't trust you. I want to help me with that, be honest. That's

all we got. Love you guys, all of y'all for emailing. Thank you so much, and we'll see you next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that little like button and the notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a question for me that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at

gmail dot com. Yi