#188 Forgiving My Abusive Father

I answer your questions. You email me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com, and we walked through it, and I walk through this kind of stuff in real time with other people. In fact, I'm saying that because I literally just finished a conversation I have with this German friend that we talked back and forth, usually about theology. He's trying to he's an atheist, he's trying to disprove God, and I try to defend the faith from whatever questions that he that he has. And it's always really nice.

We're always we're amicable to each other, right, we are friends with each other, I'll put it that way. We don't argue, but it's really fun. And I also have the radio show after midnight and then I also, lately, I've been recording my new book. I have a book

coming out August first, called Like a River. I'm so passionate about this book, and of all the things that I do, of all the things that I have done, I'm most excited about this book coming out August first, and lately I've been recording the audio book for it. So I've been reading it and recording it, and hopefully a lot of you will be able to listen that way. If you're not a book reader, maybe you'll be an

audiobook listener. So I'm just excited about it. So it's fresh on my mind, and I've literally been talking on a microphone all day long. Let's get to your questions. Okay. I don't scan these questions beforehand. I don't have a preparation process of getting an answer ready. I don't have notes in front of me. So we're gonna hear these questions together for the first time, and then we're gonna walk through them like we're just old friends, like me and this German guy. Right. I don't want to say

his name, but here's the first question. Subject line says, does time really heal all wounds. Hey Granger, I could really use some advice right now. It's been almost over. It's been almost over a year, that's what she said. It's been almost over a year since my boyfriend and I broke up, and I can't seem to move on. We were together for a year and a half and unfortunately, my mental health got the best of me and I

needed some space. We never stopped talking and hanging out, but we had to set some boundaries so that I could get better. When I wanted to work things out, he didn't, and it hurt me so badly and I'm still hurting even today. This man talked about marrying me and we looked at rings, only to have him move on to someone new in a few weeks after it ended.

I'm very tired of feeling this hurt and lonely. Any advice, Shannon, Shannon, thank you so much for emailing and being vulnerable and opening up to me and let me scan your email. You said you were together for a year and a half, you battled mental health. He set boundaries so that you could get better, And then I'm trying to see if there's a timeline on when that was Okay, there is at the very beginning of the first sentence, it's been almost a year. Okay, got it. Let me clear a

couple of things up. This is tough love, and I'm going to say some things that could hurt your feelings. Everyone that emails you know that I could say something that hurts your feelings. I hope not, and it's not my intention. My intention is to help you. I promise it's not to hurt you. But I sometimes in order to help you, I might have to say some things that hurt. This is what And I'm not always right about that. That's another thing I gotta throw out. I'm

not always right. It could be wrong. But what I'm seeing is this whole stepping back to set some boundaries so that you can get better, is more so saying he got tired of trying to deal with this. He thought you're going crazy and he don't want to deal with it anymore. So he says, hey, let's set some boundaries so that you can get better, and maybe we should have a little time off from each other, you know, so you can get better. But really, what he's saying

is I can't deal with this anymore. I need out Okay, he was probably ready. He fell out of love, if he was in love, and now he's moving on to someone else. None of that's surprising. The fact that you're hurting right now is not surprising. It doesn't minimize the hurt. It's still validated. I'm going to validate that you're hurting, and this is painful stuff. I want to validate with that with you. But I just want to also tell you that it's normal. It's not new, it's not front

page news. You're heartbroken. And I've said this a lot on this podcast. You know, We've had a lot of episodes on here, and so many times it's just nice I think to hear that this is a normal, normal reaction. So, for instance, if you said, hey, I have a sore throat and I have a fever and I'm feeling terrible and I don't know what it is. It could be anything. I think I'm dying. I think I'm dying. And then we take it to the doctor that do a test

and they go, oh, you got strep throat. This is something that's very common, and you're gonna give you a little bit of antibiotic and you're gonna take the medicine and you're gonna be better soon. Okay, it will go away, but it's gonna hurt. And then even though right then, what's crazy is you hear that and hearing that news from the doctor doesn't make the physical pain go away, but it gives you a sense of hope that this

will end. This is normal. This is not abnormal. You don't have a rare disease that's gonna kill you in three weeks. This is strep throat And in about three days it's gonna be gone. Knowing that makes you feel so much better, even though your throat is still on fire and you still have one hundred and three degree temperature. Just knowing, Okay, I got this, this is normal, it will go away. I got it. That makes it better. That's what I'm telling you, Shannon. I'm telling you you

got heartache or your heart is broken. It's the same thing as if I'm telling you you you have a positive diagnosis of strep throat. It's very common. And I'll tell you what. Heartache is a lot more common than strap. It's it's just it can go back for thousands of years of humanity. Humans get heartbroken. It's part of it's part of being human, it's part of loving. And so you go out there and you you love someone and you pour into them, and if they don't reciprocate, you

get heartbroke. And so what would be the solution to that? Don't ever love again? Man, You're not gonna do that. So you go back out and you protect your heart responsibly, but you love again, and you learn from what you did, and this will your Your subject line says, does time really heal all wounds this kind of wound? Yes, I don't know about all I don't want to go there, but this kind of wound. Yes, time will heal You'll you'll feel better. You're gonna feel better, Okay, just not

right now. And I could help you with moving this along. And moving it along would would be blocking him, blocking his number on your phone, blocking him on social media so you don't see this new girl that he's with. And it's just gonna help you not to think about him. The less you think about him, the quicker you're going to recover. Okay, I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Next question says enter faith marriage. That's a subject line. Hey, Hannah says, my name is Hannah, I'm twenty six years old from Ohio. I don't want to make this too long, so I'm gonna try to give you the Sparksnokes version. I was raised in Church but come from a very broken family, which caused me a lot of mental health issues. In my brokenness, I lost faith in my late teens, and then I began to go down destructive paths. I started doing dating a Muslim man. I started dating a

Muslim man. Two years later, he wanted to marry me. Before we were married, he started teaching me Islam and it seemed to make sense, so I grasped on in hopes of feeling better. However, I could never fully get myself there spiritually. It never felt right from me. Recently, after an excruciating bout with depression and completely losing my identity, I called out to Christ. I said, if it's you, Lord, please show me the way. Then I felt inclined to

seek him. I started praying, reading my Bible daily, listening to worship music. I felt God again for the first time in a long time. I completely surrendered. Now the problem is my husband would never accept this. He watches a lot of videos and podcasts of these Muslim theologist who say the Bible is corrupt, that Jesus was only a prophet, etc. So he sees christian y and a poor light. I try to pray for his heart because

I want him to feel this with me. I want the Lord to do work in his heart as well. I want him to be saved. I don't think he'll ever accept Christ or me being a Christian. How do I continue? Do I continue to pray for him and worship in secret? Will this marriage work if we are not on the same page spiritually? Thank you? Love the podcast. Oh great message. Thank you Hannah, and thank you for opening up and pouring your heart out on this email to me, who I don't feel like I deserve to

uh to be in something that's very complicated. It's very complicated for you. So if you're if you're my friend Hannah, which I hope you are, and we're we're sitting around a campfire and you say, hey, Grange, I need to talk to you about this. Let's walk through it. Okay. I would like you to go to your Bible. You're gonna live there. I want you to live in this Bible. Okay.

It's so helpful because Paul's going to write in first First Corinthians six and seven, he's going to start writing about your situation, and he's going to tell you what he is commanding you to do. And it's amazing that you could read this in your Bible. And this is why it's important that we don't use our Bibles like a form of encyclopedia, which I hope I'm not advocating for that here, but it's not an encyclopedia where you're like, Okay,

where's the s's for suffering? Okay, where's the peas for prosperity? Boom. Here it is we don't go to the Bible like that. We need to read it in context, and we need to start at the beginning and move through in some kind of systematic system of moving book to book consecutively reading in context. Now, what you're going to find when you're doing that is a lot of stuff about marriage, and a lot of stuff about inner faith marriage like you said in your subjecline, and a lot of stuff

about well suffering like you're going through. First Corinthians six and seven is going to be specific for you, and it's going to stay. It's going to tell you to stay, stay and be faithful to him, and perhaps he could be saved through you through your faith. That's what it says. And I want to correct a couple of things that you said. One, you said, I don't think he'll ever accept Christ false. You don't know that. Second, where's the other word? Oh? Or or me being a Christian? I

don't think he'll ever accept Christ false? Or me being a Christian false? And then you said again earlier in that paragraph, the problem is my husband would never accept this false. Jesus spoke about this many times. But you remember the whole the whole time, Jesus was talking about how it is is more difficult for a rich person to go to heaven than a camel through the eye of a needle. And his disciples were blown away by this. They couldn't believe it. And and he was talking about

the heart. He was talking about someone that is, that is attached to riches, that is that finds their identity and wealth will never make it. And and they're all looking at each other, like, how much money do you have in the bank. I'm speaking figuratively, they're thinking how much how many goats do you have? And and they're all kind of looking like man, almost everybody I know has money of some sort. I know, I know that these were poor shepherd men and fishermen. But at the

same time, look at Matthew over there. The guy's a task collector. He's got he's got cash, and and they're kind of mumbling and grumbling to themselves, and they say, Lord, then who will ever be saved? Jesus looks at him and says, with man, it's impossible, but with God, all things are possible. So he's saying what he's saying to them right there is oh, this whole, this whole salvation thing. Uh, it's not up to you. It's not up to you.

It's up to God. And so the people that you think could be so far from this, like this guy's never gonna believe. Uh you wait, just wait, That's what God's saying. I could do anything I could. I could turn the hardest heart, I could pierce it. What you gotta worry about is the people that already say they're Christians. That's the harder people. And the people who go I'm

already Christian, don't don't worry. Yeah, they get Jesus, Gospel, resurrection and cross I got it anyway, those are the I would think that those people are a little harder than the guy that's that's so you cannot pierce his heart, kind of like the German that I'm talking to. Let me give you something else here. There's just a great book called Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus. Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus. Oh, it's a fantastic book. And you you got to read this.

You got to get this on Amazon today the day you hear this podcast. It is so good and you're gonna have you. I hope that it creates and for everybody listening, this is just a great read for anybody. But it's gonna just give you a new love for the for the Muslim people, for the people of Islam. It's gonna give you a new heart for them. And that's what I hope. That's what I hope that you're hearing right now. And I hope that you read that in this book. If you get it, Seeking Ali, Finding Jesus,

I'm just gonna got a love for them. And and it makes you want to if you have a Muslim family in your street right now, in your apartment complex or down the road, it makes you just want to say I don't wanna, I wanna. I want to cook some food them and invite them over this coming Thursday and have dinner with them, just just talk to them, just bring them into the community so they don't feel like they're outcast here in this country. It's gonna start there.

It's gonna start with love. And I think that's the's where it's gonna start for all of us in our community with Islam, Christians dealing with Islam. And then it's gonna especially you and your home. It's gonna start with love, and it's gonna be all about love. And that's that's the conversation this is gonna be. And so how do

you how do you best love him? And I'll tell you how you don't by leaving him, because if you leave him, Hannah, if you leave him, he's in a lot, a lot more difficult situation for to be saved once again. With man, it's impossible. But just through the scenario, if you if we think about it with human minds, it would be a lot harder for him if you left him, because then he would just say there he goes that Christian goodbye. Time to marry me A good one, A

good woman. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, I'm gonna end that there. I don't think there's more I can add to that, but I just love him. We're gonna take a break and be right back. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Y'all so excited to finally say that my book Like a River comes out August twenty twenty three.

You could pre order it right now wherever you love to get your books, like Amazon, and if you're not a paper book reader, you could also listen to the audiobook which I'm currently working on for August first, and that's going to have some ad libbing in it as well, so that might be a nice little thing to have both if you want, and hopefully you'll be able to do just that. And it's a conversation starter piece. That's

what I want this book to be. It's my journey in detail over the last four years and what happened to me starting with the death of my son River. So I'm just very encouraged to be able to get you this story for anyone that might be hurting or needing more information on how you could make it through grief and see the purpose in your pain. On top of that if you ever need a message from me, a personal message from me, cameo dot com is a

great way to do. I could make a video message personalized for you or anyone you want me to send it to, for any different occasion, personalized exactly what you want me to say. Go to cameo dot com slash Granger Smith or download the cameo app c am eo and search for me Granger Smith. And then lastly, sponsoring this podcast is yee Ye Apparel. Don't be mistaken, I'm leaving country music touring, but not Yee Yee'. That's my family's company, so that doesn't require touring to keep that going.

So we're so excited to keep Ye Apparel moving forward into the future representing faith, family, outdoors. And if you ever need anything yee related, always go toyee dot com. Back to the podcast. Okay, back to these questions. I'm gonna go to the first one, the random one that pops up. Subject line says forgiving my dad, Hey Granger, my name is Zach and when I was young, I grew up with an alcoholic father who was also abusive.

My parents was finally divorced when I was six and he went in and out of my life until I turned eighteen. When I turned eighteen, he stated he wanted nothing to do with me or my brother and never contact and to never contact him again. That caught me off guard. Not that he was the best father, but he was still my father. Now, at thirty five years old, I find myself contemplating reaching out to him and forgiving. But if I find him and he answers that phone,

what do I even say? It's been seventeen years. Thank you, Zach. Zach. I'm so pleased with you, and I love your heart in this and I'm happy that you emailed, and I'm happy you included the podcast in this because I would just want to commend you and just say, do you know how you know how difficult it is to have the courage to do what you're doing, to even suggest this, to even think of about this. I just want it takes incredible bravery, incredible courage, incredible self denial that you

have done. And I hope people listen that are in a similar situation as you, Zach. I hope people hear this and just say, yeah, it's me, because I know a lot of people are in this situation. And I hope people hear it and go, yeah, that's me. He grew up with a dad like that, and he left and he's gone, and maybe I should think like Zach and think, God, I should call him. I should give

him a call. So it takes. The reason I say it takes incredible self denial is because the stronger emotion that we fall in, wretched humans, including me, the stronger emotion that we lead with is self preservation. Like, ain't no way I'm calling that guy. You know what he did to me. You know what he did to me, you know how he hurt me, you know how he kicked me out of out of his life and did whatever to brother and mom, and you know what he you know what that guy did. There ain't no way

I'm calling that guy. So that's that's the loud mouth of motion that we have. We all have that voice in our head, right and to shut that voice up to the to the quieter voice that the more reasonable voice that says the right thing to do would be to reach out to him. That's incredible. It takes incredible courage that you have done that and you're hearing that voice.

And so so let's do this Okay, Zach, let's walk through this together, and I would love for you to do it and then report back so we could read it on this podcast, so that maybe we could all could hear how it went down. Okay, first things first, what to expect? Destroy any kind of expectations, right, It destroy x expectations of how he's going to react because

you can't control it at all. So let's just pretend he's going to be hateful towards you if he answers it all, if he even replies at all, let's just say that he's going to go, Zach, get out of here. Man. Okay, I think there's a really good chance that he won't do that. Seventeen years is a long time to soften a hard heart, and so I would I would be shocked if he did. But let's expect him to that way when he is you, go, well, Dad, I'm reaching

out to you because I haven't. I haven't keep it on Keep it on you, right, don't put it on him, don't say you didn't do that, you didn't keep it on yourself, and go because I haven't reached out in seventeen years and I'm thirty five years old and I'm working here, I'm married to this girl, got this kid, whatever you got going on, give him a little bit

of that. I mean, come on, he's your dad. What Dad, deep down by a logically, doesn't just go my son's doing well, my legacy, my seed is doing well, that's great. What Dad doesn't want to hear that he's gonna be ashamed that he has put you out for so long. But go in and make it about him and less about you, meaning, go into this thinking I'm the one that hasn't reached out in seventeen years, right, And that's hard to do that because you're gonna want to blame them,

especially if he gets mad. Don't retaliate the anger. Just say, Dad just wanted to tell you. I think about you often and I love you not because of what you've done, but because of who you are. You're my pops, and if you ever need anything, reach out. Okay, here's my number, here's my email. Love to talk, Love to grab some coffee sometime. Don't say grab a beer, bad joke. I'd love to grab some coffee with you sometime. Dad, leave it open ended, you don't, hey, Maybe even leave him

a voice message like that. If he doesn't answer, but just man, Zach, I just think it's a great thing you're doing. And there's so much healing with you. Man, that's the thing. There's so much healing that's going to happen with you as you get this monkey off your shoulders and you just go, Dad, I love you that you will heal tremendously from this and old scars that you don't even maybe you don't even know are there. You're just letting it go. I'm all about this. If

you can't tell yet, I'm all about this. Let's grab another one here. The subject line in this one says, I worry about my kids that grandjoar. My name is Cassie. I'm a mom of two amazing kids. I have a two year old son and a six month old daughter. I've never been someone who had anxiety or worries too much about the future, but when it comes to my kids, I worry about them so much. I work full time, and I get worried about their safety when I'm not

with them, even though that they're with trusted family. The biggest thing that gets me worried is when they're sick. I pray for God to watch over them. Every day I pray that God helps me come to Him instead of worrying. What do you do when you begin to worry about your kids? Are just worry in general? I would appreciate any advice that you have. Thank you so much, Cassie. Cassie,

thank you for the email. First thing for you. I was a little surprised when you said when you brought up God, because it because because I don't think you know who he is. Yeah, I don't think you know who God is. Don't mean I don't mean to offend you, and I hope that doesn't. But I would like you to read Philippians Paul's letter to the Philippians. It's very short and you'll be able to read it in ten or fifteen minutes. But oh it's great. Philippians is so

good for worry and anxiety. But we need to know who God is. We need to know that He is a big, sovereign God, providential God, meaning God is. Let me just stop there, God Is. I made a video about this. It's on mye YouTube page. God Is. Have you ever thought about that? Just thinking about those two words put together will blow your mind. And this is not a small God. This is not a God that

that accidents happen to. This is not a God that's playing ketchup to people that have people that have made mistakes, and God's trying to clean up the mistakes. And here's a fallacy. Is the idea. Not I'm not blaming you, but here's the an idea that you would need to pray more over everything so that you should more over everything, but so that you don't miss anything and God doesn't miss it. You see what I'm saying. We pray for God's will to be done, because it will be done

on earth as it is in heaven. It will be His providence will happen, His sovereignty will happen. He knows every hair on your head. He knows the day's left in your life. He knows the expiration date that you carry right now. There is a second There is a moment of your life when you will die, and he knows that moment. He's already planned it. Think about that for a second. Let me tell you the second part

of this. He works everything to his glory for the greater good, and the greater good is for his glory. Think about that. He knows every hair on your head, He knows every day left in your life. He is providential over everything, totally planning and purposing, totally sovereign. He is outside of time, so he sees all this and he's always known it, and he's working everything for a greater good, for his glory. If you could meditate on that, if you could just wrap your brain around that, it

demolishes worry and anxiety. Why because we get caught up in this idea that, Oh God, and help me have a safe trip to the grocery store, and and God helped me find a parking place. And then when I'm in there, oh God, help me find that the right fruit that doesn't have worms in it. And then God make sure that Oh God, I hope that I have enough. Pray that I have enough checking account money so that

when I get the groceries. And then when I go out, pray that somebody hasn't keyed my car because that would just be terrible. And then God, I pray that I have a safe And it's like, you're going over this checklist so that just in case you miss something that could be the thing that does you in And you face God one day and he goes, oh yeah, sorry about the car accident. You prayed for everything but that,

and you didn't. You didn't pray for a car on the coming up with the wrong direction on the on ramp and it hits you head on and you died. Eh, you forgot to pray for that. I can't I can't work unless you say their magic prayer. You know. It's like God's the slot machine, you're just like, or you pull the lever, or he's the vending machine. You got to hit C twenty eight and he gives you the

Dorrido chips. We have made God into this. People didn't used to think this way, but we have made God small and weak and impotent, and we make this is this is crazy and that sometimes this gets controversial, but it's my podcast. But sometimes we we have given God's greatest attribute to be love. So we say his greatest attribute, the pinnacle of everything that he is, is love. And we go further and to show his love the pinnacle of his all of his attributes, which is false, it's false,

but we have given him this. And you heard you hear people preaching this and teaching this. It's all over Instagram. It's a Oliver podcast, except this podcast the pinnacle of his attributes is love, and to the greatest gift that he gives to humanity is free will. And he gives humanity free will because without the choice to choose against him, then it cannot be love for him. So he gives us free will. And then when we mess it up, he can't stop it because he gave us free will,

and that's the greatest gift. And he would never violate the greatest gift so that he could stop something that we have chosen out of our precious free will, because it's not love if he does, because love is his greatest attribute. So if he's only a loving God, if he gives us free will, will I want you to see, And there might be a lot of people that believe that,

but I want you. I want you to see how quickly that breaks down when you actually read the scripture, actually read the Bible, and you'll see thousands of times how God knows, God plans, God directs the steps of man. Right. We see this over and over and over. God is the Alpha and the Omega. He is God from the beginning to the end. Everything is his plan. Nothing happens outside of his will, even evil that he ordains for a greater good, for his glory. I could prove this.

I'm getting off track, but I could prove it in anything, anything God needed. No, I don't want to say that God allowed for a redemption plan for his people because it was the best way to do it, because he's God. But in order to have redemption and the plan for redemption, in order for the gift of forgiveness, right, there needed to be a fall, and there needed to be mistakes made. And so through that, through the redemption, through the suffering.

There's the connection between suffering and redemption and being restored and being redeemed and being healed and being renewed. How can you do any of those things if you're not broken to begin with. So he ordains it. And when you know things like this, when you believe a big, glorious God like this, when that's the God that you know, then you go. God, we pray for your will to be done, and we trust you, and our hope is in you, not in my weakness, not in my silly

grocery store prayer that someone doesn't key my car. You're a great God, and you have the whole world in your hand, including my kids, and including these these little sicknesses that I get so worried about. God, remove this anxiety from me, because I the more I worry, the more I'm revealing that I don't know who you are and I don't trust you. It's like when I'm with my kids and they're like, Daddy, why are we going this way? And I know it's the right way, and

I said, because this is the right way. And I said, no, Daddy, you're going the wrong way. I say, hold my hand and trust me. No to Daddy, you're going the wrong way. We've all been there as parents, and we go. Will you trust me. I'm taking you down the right path. You might not like it. It might be uncomfortable for you, but I know that it is the right path. And that's what we do all the time with God. I'm

not blaming you, Cassie. I'm not blaming you, but I'm saying your anxiety over these little sicknesses that your kids have is revealing you don't trust who God is as revealed in the Bible. So the more you read the Bible, the more you make it a purpose that you actually read it, the more you see who He is, and the more you just go go. You are God and I am not, and I will worship you for that, and I will trust you as much as it's hard to do, as much as I want to worry, because

my little finite mind wants to worry. I trust you, and I give these children to your hands, not mine. That was the longest way to answer your question. But Cassie,

I know that's the right answer. And by the way, I do hope that I rustled some feathers with that free will commentary because it is true, and it is a fallacy in this country worldwide right now, and it is it is what is keeping the prosperity Gospel, and what is keeping the secret sensitive churches, and it is what is keeping cultural Christianity that I was trapped in for so long alive. And it is not the God as revealed in the Bible. By the way you might ask,

you said grandeur. You said that we have claimed that love is its greatest attribute. Well, but you say it's not what is I say, God is holy, God is just, God is love. God is all of these things maxed out. But he's not one more than another. He's all of them. God is Wrap your brain around that we have to understand that if he's all love and not as much just or not as much wrath, are not as much merciful or not as much forgiving, are not as much

all knowing. If we take anything away, the scales tip and he's not God anymore. He's making mistakes now. He's leaning towards his dependencies now because he's needing to satisfy one part of his attributes. It's a little heavier than the other, and so he's making mistakes. He's catching up, but he is already perfect. He's not growing or learning. You cannot perfect something that's already perfect. And what I

need to do is move on because I'm preaching now. Please, I'm so sorry, guys, sometimes I get a little bit, a little bit too much. Le'm me trying to find another one here. Some decline to this, one, says podcast Parentheses Guidance. Hey Grangeer, my name is Skyler. I live in Long Branch, Texas, or excuse me, Spring Branch, Texas. I have been with my boyfriend for five years now, and he's a man of few words. He loves guns and trucks. He's simple. I need help with him when

we go out with friends. I feel shy and he's You said guilty. What was guilty? Maybe I don't know that word. I feel shy, guilty, Oh guilty, You probably mean guilty. I feel shy and guilty that he's a quiet man. I feel as if my friends are judging him for not saying anything and bold letters you wrote this. How do I ignore a move on from how I feel from others? I'm tired of worrying how others feel.

M Skyler, thank you for email. And there's there's some problems going on here and I'm not really sure what the main problem is. From your email, you say you've been here with your boyfriend for five years, and then I'm gonna say, wow, why that long without an engagement? But you know me by now. And then you say your boyfriend is a man of few words, loves guns and trucks, he's simple, sounds like a country boy. And you say when you go out with friends. Okay, I'm

starting to understand. You go out with friends and you're a little bit embarrassed that he is quiet and shy, and you feel like your friends are going to judge him because he's quiet and shy, and you want to just ignore the friends and move on, but you worry about what they think. Okay, I got it, I got it. I got it. It just took me. I'm a little slow. It took me a second. If you go out with friends,

let me say this bluntly. If you go out with friends with your boyfriend who you love, who is a simple, quiet man that you've been with for five years, and they judge him for not saying much, you need new friends, bluntly, then those are not your friends. If you're going to go out with people that judge your boyfriend because he doesn't talk that much and you love him, then they don't love you because they should go say, oh, Skyler,

this is your boyfriend. Oh man, if you love him, we love them too, because that's how close we are. That's how we feel about you, Skyler. We are so close with you that what you like. And if you trust him and you love him and you think he's a sweet guy, then we love him too. That's how it should be. And if they don't, if they're judging him, it's time for new friends. Okay, that's it. That's easy. Easy.

But here's what's not easy. Here's the harder part. Maybe you're projecting this on your friends, like maybe they're not judging them, maybe they're not thinking that at all, but maybe you're projecting that on them. And then you get worried, and then internally you get all clammed up and you think, oh, they're he My boyfriend's not saying anything, and I'm embarrassed of him, and my friends are probably judging even though

they're not saying it, they might be. And now this is making me so uncomfortable, and I wish my boyfriend would just talk, but he just sits there, and my friends are so judgmental. And then you're in the middle of this and the reality is possibly nobody's even saying anything,

including your boyfriend who doesn't talk much at all. You see, the problem could be you, and you're misreading the situation and so just being comfortable with him not saying anything because you're not going to change him, and you might want him to talk more, but he's just not. Let me ask you a final question. You say he loves guns and trucks. He's simple. Are you into those things? I guarantee you you learn just a little bit about trucks,

you can get him talking. So my goal for you, my challenge to you, Skyler, is that you start learning a little bit about trucks, because every guy could talk about trucks, and if he loves that, if that's in the top two things that you think he loves, learn about that. That's a good advice for anyone with their spouas or with their significant other. Go out of your way sometimes to learn a little bit about something that

they love that you don't necessarily care for. That is such a great way to show love, to show compassion. Sometimes we think it needs to come in the form of buying gifts or lavishing other things or quality time. Sometimes it comes in the form of learning something that they love just for their sake. That's such a selfless thing to do. And I think you might find that he's going to open up a lot more and that

might even lead to new friends that like trucks. Just a thought for you, Skyler, and I appreciate you emailing, and thank all you guys for emailing. I love your questions and I love doing this and you can email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. We're on the countdown now for August first, when Like a River at the book comes out so excited for that, So we'll continue looking down the road to August first, twenty twenty three. That's the year we're in. And just in case, this

podcast how you listen way down the road. But we're looking forward to that. And I love you guys, and thank you for the opportunity to bring me into your lives. See thanks for joining me on the Granger Smith Podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload

a video. If you have a question for me that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Yigi