#167 How To Find Happiness Every Day

December fifteenth, on pure Flix. So if you haven't seen it yet, go go streaming on pure Flix. And you could see me representing a character. My character, maybe in a lot of ways, is representing some of these questions that I get. Maybe I could say that this podcast your questions inspired a lot of Will Brown, the character that I play in this movie. Perhaps maybe that's what I do on this podcast. I answer your questions. I

always got time for you. No matter what we got going on with music or touring or radio show after midnight, or or movie or book. I got time for the podcast. Got time to sit here and listen to your questions. You email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. I walk through them like we're two friends. Cab of a truck, sitting around a campfire, or however you want to look at it. And I don't have notes in front of me. I don't have a bunch of famous quotes or statistics

set out in front of me. I'm just gonna I'm gonna read your question, and I'm gonna instantly answer it without prepping, like we're just two friends, like I would hope to give advice to a friend, and like I would hope to get it back if I asked the question. That's really all. It is so not always right, but I'm hoping I could lead you in the best direction that I know how. That's what this podcast is. Let's dive into the first question subject line. Here he says

trying to become an Eagle Scout before eighteen. The question says, Hey, mister Granger, I'm Jacob. I'm from Washington. I'm fifteen years old. I've been in the Boy Scouts for five years now, working through all the ranks and merit badges. I have seven Eagle badges left and lots of paperwork left to fill out. I need to hold a position for twelve months on top of all that before I turn eighteen. I find myself staying up late each night writing and

completing requirements. But it's getting stressful. It seems like I have so much work left before I can complete it, and I don't know if I'll have enough time. I guess my question is how could I work through getting it all done without stressing and worrying about what will happen? Thanks? Looking forward to it. Always love listening to your podcast while I'm working, Jacob Jacob, Thank you, buddy. I appreciate

you so much. Thank you for thank you for writing in, and thank you for listening at fifteen while you're working. I love that. I think that's so Cool's the thing, this is crazy. You wrote this without even saying it. You you You used the subject line almost as a humble brag, right, like trying to become an Eagle Scout before eighteen. Now, you wouldn't have said it that way unless you knew. Humble brag is a big deal, dude, And I'm happy for you, and I'm not disagreeing. I

think that's a really big deal. It's something I didn't do, become an Eagle Scout before eighteen, Like that's that and live a life. You do that because you want it on your resume. You want you want to do things in life that you could look back and go, man, that was that was tough when I did it. But here's the irony. The irony is by you trying to do something hard, you're then literally complaining that it's hard. Of course it is, you know it is. Becoming eagle

scout is not easy. If it was easy, everybody would do it. If it was mildly attainable, anyone else would do it because it's good for the resume. You can eat. You an eagle scout. Yeah, everybody's an eagle scout. It's so easy. No, it's difficult because it takes sacrifice, it takes hard work, it takes dedication. So through this sacrifice and hard work and dedication, you're seeing what the cost

of that really is. You won't even realize it till years go by and you're you know, maybe fifteen years, you're gonna look back and go, Wow, that was tough. Like I laid it all out there. I remember back when I was a teenager and I became an eagle scout. I laid it all on the line, and that was the hardest thing I've ever gone through. And I'm so happy that I did. That's why, that's why you're doing it. That's why we do hard things. So then we turn

around and we go, I did it. I persevered through it. The sacrifice was difficult. Now it's not a surprise though, that now you're in it, you're in the arena and you're in the battle, and you're going, hey, this is hard. Good, that's my thought. Bring on the heat, make it harder. That would be my thought to you, Jacob. And you're like, what, bring on the heat. That's what I will tell you. Bring it on the harder, harder it is right now

for you to do. The harder it is, the more you're gonna be able to kick back one day and go, I did it, I completed it. The easier it is, who cares, The less you're gonna talk about it, the less it even matters in your life. Lean into the hard things. You got this buddy, nice question. Subject line says, long relationship with troubled times they grant you. My name is Jaden. I'm twenty three. Already I'm like dude twenty three in a long relationship. Okay, I'm ready. I'm twenty three.

I'm from Kentucky, but I live in Indiana. I met my mouth Beyonce in twenty seventeen, but we've been together since August of twenty seventeen. We now have a sun born January thirteenth, twenty twenty one. We have grown a lot since we met. We've had our fair shares of issues. Our current issue is she isn't happy with my ability to give her attention and sex. I feel like I've grown out of our relationship. I find myself thinking more and more that getting out of the relationship would be better.

I care for her, but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do if I'm not happy. I'm afraid of splitting up because but splitting up our family because we have days here and there that are amazing. But I've lost sexual attraction to her, and to her our sex life gives her the attention and love that she lacks. Thanks Granger, your podcast has given me hope that there are answers. God bless lowercase G. You didn't write lowercase G. I said that, but you wrote God in lowercase G.

I think it's important to call that out. Jaden Bro, Thank you so much. Thank you for Thank you for listening. Twenty three. Thank you for tuning in and trusting this podcast. That means a lot. Let me dive in here. Okay, this is the first thing that sticks out. There's a lot of things that stick out in this question. The first thing that sticks out is this sentence right here. I care for her, but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do if I'm not happy. Oh did you

think that she was the source of your happiness? Oh? Did you think your fiance was the source of your happiness? Because she's not. She's absolutely not. No human is. And if as long as you think that, you will be disappointed every time because it's a human and humans will let you down. There not the source of your happiness. Are your joy? Are your hope? Are your peace? Or your love? That comes from your creator? Your identity comes from the one that made you. Everything else, like a

fiance is a gift to enjoy from the creator. But it's not the source of it. It's not the source of happiness. You mean to prove it to you, I could prove it in another thing that you said. You said, I have lost sexual attraction to her. Oh man, I'm so sorry. You're twenty three, you're twenty three, you've lost sexual attraction to her. First of all, you know on this podcast I'm going to say that we don't have sex before marriage. Why, Oh, there's problems kind of like

what's happening with going on here? The waters are getting muddy, there's a child involved. Now you're not married yet, and now you're doubting whether you're not you should even be in it. Now, this, this is setting a path. This is setting a path that's hard to recreate, correct for the child. Right. Okay, Now I've said on this podcast before it's ruining the child's life. I don't I don't mean it that way. I don't mean to say it that way, but I do say that it makes it difficult,

It makes it more a path that's more difficult to straighten. Okay. Now, with a difficult path sometimes that makes us better. But we don't want to intentionally make a difficult path for our kids so that they can then recorrect and make them better. That doesn't make any sense. We want to we want to set them off on a course that's that's favorable to them, and divorce or separation from biological mama is not favorable. Okay, So we got that now, back to my point. I'm to prove to you that

your happiness does not draw from this woman. You said, our sex life. I've lost sexual attraction to her, that's what you said. Bro. Oh here's another question I have. Do you think that sexual attraction is the reason you love someone? Do you think that sexual attraction is the reason you stay with someone? Let me bring up a point. Remember Pamela and Anderson. Everyone remember Pamela Anderson right Baywatch?

She was like the babe of America. Hey, she was like the babe of the world for a long time in the nineties or whatever. Remember the movie Borat was all about that. It was all about the babe Pamela Anderson. Now, in all due respect to miss Anderson, has anyone googled her lately? Has anyone done a Google image search of Pamela Anderson? Like I said, all absolute due respect, I'm just trying to prove a point. Not a babe anymore. She's not a babe on Baywatch that anyone would want

to watch. Just saying like, I hesitate saying that because I want to be very respectful, But babes are gonna lose their babe isms, right, Like we all get older, the guys and the girls. We get older, we get wrinkly, we gain weight around the waist. That's what happens to all of us. So what do you do then, Buddy's that's my question to you, Jaden. What do you do then when the love of your life is sixty five, seventy eighty, ninety years old and all of that physical

attraction that you had when you're twenty three is completely gone? Oh, because it needs more than physical attraction, because you dig deeper than that, you look deeper than that. Because if that's what you're going by, if you're going by physical sexual attraction, if that's that's what you're going by, it's gonna fade at some point. It's gone, Like maybe not now,

but maybe ten years, maybe twenty years, maybe thirty. At some point she's not the young twenty year old girl that you were attracted to at the very beginning, So it takes more. So these are two major points. One, you don't get your tax you don't get your happiness from her. She's not the source of it. And two, you don't base your relationship on whether or not you're

sexually attracted anymore. That's not a factor. And then she's got the same problem because then you say to her, our sex life gives her the affection and love she lacks. What she lacking? What do you mean she the love she lacks? I know what you mean, because that's our society today. We're lacking. We're lacking. We need we're half. We're I'll get a half a heart, then I need someone to come in and give me the rest of my heart. It's just lacking. My love is lacking. It's

like my heart is just in fragments. So I'm looking for a soulmate to reconnect and make me whole. Like that's the that's the idea, right, And then you realize after a few years, Eah, it was better with half a heart than to sit here in this miserable marriage, to sit here unattracted to this woman that I have three kids with and I don't really care. All she does is complain, And that's the American idea. And so then then you think, well, there must be somebody else,

somebody else. I was wrong, That's what it is. I was wrong about my half a heart that this person was gonna fill. There's somebody else out there that I just messed up. The first time. But the second go around, I'll find the one that's really gonna fill it, and that person surely is the source of my happiness. I just I messed up. I made a mistake. But the next person, they they're the right one, Okay. And then you realize, I think I did it again. I think

I messed up again. So I'm kind of thinking about getting out of this one and trying a third time, because third time's a charm, right, that's the trap we get into. Here's what you do, Jaden. You make a commitment to this girl. You say, look, I chose you, you chose me. We made a child together. We're gonna get married, and we're gonna stay committed because that's the right thing to do, Jayden, that's the right thing to

do with integrity. You stay with this girl. You realize that so many people, over so many years of history before us, were in arranged marriages. You know that it's like a strange idea in twenty twenty two and Western culture that we get to choose each other and we date and court each other. That's a strange idea. In the course of history, most people were arranged. You met your wife on your wedding day, anyone's crazy. They usually

stayed together. Why because it was deeper than physical attraction, Because it was deeper than looking for a source of their own happiness in another person. It was more, it was way deeper. It was a commitment to that person. I will I choose you, I will stay with you. I will be committed to you through sickness and health, rich or poor. That's what we do. Those words used to mean something in the Puritan days. They are gone. Now commitment is gone. We just are so fleeting. We

flip a marriage like we do a TikTok. It's wrong. Where's the commitment, Jaden, You're not going to find it somewhere else? Take it from me. You might not want to listen, you might not want to hear it, but you will not find it somewhere else. You're going to be back at square one. You might see a nice, shiny object out there, but that's not where your answer is. Your answer is in the Word of God. It's in the Bible. That's where you'll see it. That's where you'll

find it. Next question, before I go off on a tangent subdecline. By the way, Jacob, I love you Bro, I didn't say that. I tend to say that every question. I genuinely love you, Bro, Jaden. I have a tendency on this podcast to kind of go off and to sound harsh. Right, That's not what I mean. Okay, I do that because I'm so passionate about this podcast and I'm so passionate about my listeners and the people that listen.

If look at it this way, if I didn't care, if I hated you, Bro, if I just didn't care, I'd just move on, or I'd give you an easy answer, I'd make it as quick as possible. But because I do care, I just want you to know my heart. Man. I want you to know my heart, and I want you to truly walk through this life and go twenty years down the road and go man. Granger was right. I am. I am content now because I didn't seek

some fleeting happiness that I could never catch. And it's not that I'm right, I'm just falling back on the Bible. Nice question off the SOAPBA subject line future career. Hey Grangel, my name is Caleb. I'm sixteen in the southwest part of Washington. I'm a sophomore in high school and I'm struggling to figure out what I'm going to do in the future. I want to be a rancher and learn bull riding, but I'm certainly I'm currently not in a place where it's easy to learn how to ranch. I've

been asking God what to do? What should I do? How do I get started in ranching and rodeo? Sorry for asking a question like this when others have more important things to worry about. Hope you have a great day, God bless Caleb. Let me correct that. Why'd you say

that last thing to me? Don't say that, bro, I mean everybody has questions that are heavy on their heart and it's relative to their life, like this question right now, Caleb, for you at sixteen in the southwest part of Washington, sophomore in high school, struggling to figure out what you want to do in life, Like that's top of mind, that is event and very real to you, just like

Jaden had a very real issue going on at twenty three. Okay, so don't take away from your own question by saying there's other people with more important things to worry about. We're focusing on you right now, brother, This is you, this is your time. Me and you cab by the truck. Here we go. First thing I'm going to say is if you want to be a rancher and a bull rider full time, the first thing I would do is find somebody that does that full time. And I know

there's some of them in Southwest Washington. I know for a fact I've seen them. You seek out a rancher and you go, hey, my name is Caleb. I'm sixteen years old. I'm a sophomore in high school, and I really want to ranch. I really want a bull ride. That's exciting to me. It's interesting to me, and I've never been around people that do it. And I was

wondering if I could shadow you around next summer. I'm willing to come there and work for you, and I work for cheap, but I just want to shadow you, and I want to learn from you, and I want to hear from you, and I want to see what you do, and I'll see when you wake up and when you go to bed, and what you eat and everything you do in between. Can I do that? And hopefully he says yeah, And if he says no, then you go to another guy and you ask the same thing.

But that's what I recommend with any career, like whatever it is you're thinking. You want to be a police officer, you want to be a country music singer, you want to be a bull riding rancher. You find someone, you just shadow them and you work for cheap. You make them coffee in the morning, you take out the trash at night. You feel up his truck, You run errands for him. You go to get his Jane starts for him, right, You get his hat, his hat reshaped for him. You

do what ever he needs done, things that he goes. Man, This Caleb kid is awesome, right. I took him on as a favor, But now I'm starting to think that that the favor is all mine because he's the one doing all this stuff for me. He makes my coffee in the morning, he wakes up before I do, and coffee's ready and hot, and he warms up my truck for me. I go out there in the cool of the summer and my truck is warm. You know, be that guy, Be that guy that's just no one can

get rid of because you're too valuable. And in the meantime, you're learning about ranching, you're learning about bull riding, you're asking hard questions. Hey, mister rancher, could ask you another question. How did you get enough money to start this? How did you get into that? Where did you get into this? How did you learn about this? And what you might learn is you don't want to do it anymore. You might walk away at the end of that summer and go, man,

that was just not what I thought. That's not the career I thought I wanted. Good you figured it out, or you might go, Man, I'm more hooked than ever was. And now you've got a connection. Yeah, you got an entry point. You got something to aim for. It's not just this big broad stroke. How do I get into this massive industry of ranching? Now you got a pinpoint target. I'm gonna shoot for that. I'm gonna be that guy. I'm gonna work for that guy. As soon as high

school's done, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna go to this trade school. I'm gonna work right in this this place right here. I'm gonna take this trip and I'm gonna go and work in South Texas and I'm gonna go up and work in Nebraska. But at least you got to you got a starting place. That's what you do. Here's the last thing I'll say about this. You said you've been asking God what to do. What do you mean, like, God tell me what to do about ranching? Well, you

emailed me. That's one thing. If we want to hear what God has to say, listen for anything for anybody. You want to hear what God has to say. You open the Bible and you start reading it a good starting point like Matthew one or Genesis, maybe Paul's letters. Start in Romans, start in the Bible, and you start reading, and you say, God, feed me, let me learn your character, let me see the miracles in this book. Let me see the providence that you are, you have poured on

your people. Let me see you through these words. Then God's speaking. Then you say, God, you, for some reason, You've placed in my heart that I want to be a rancher. I'm craving this idea to be a rancher. And I know that when I'm seeking the Lord, when I'm giving the Lord my whole heart, he gives me desires of the heart. So I feel like this desire to be a rancher comes from you. So now I'm gonna I'm gonna start on this path, I'm gonna go

down this path. And as I'm going down the path of becoming a rancher, I'm gonna see where where are you? And this? God? What are you showing me in this Who am I gonna meet? Like? What could I do for the kingdom in this path? Not for me? Not because it's some dream I have for me that I want to accomplish, something for me so I can hang a trophy on the wall for me, so that I could ride a bull for eight seconds for me. For you, God, what are you trying to show me in this path?

What do you need me to see? And would I be willing to give it all up at the drop of a cowboy hat for you? That's the question you ask. We'll take a break and be right back, y'all. Thank you so much for tuning into the podcast. As you might know, my brand new movie Moonrise is out now streaming on pure Flicks, download the pure Flicks app, this Sony picture streaming service. It's family friendly, So every single thing they have on this streaming service is family friendly.

You're not gonna be surprised by any themes that you might not approve of for your children. So you could watch it together without even preparing, without taking notes on what it's going to be like, or researching it. You could just sit back, turn on Pureflix, hit the next film, and press play Moonrise. My movie is on there. It just came out last Thursday. So super excited about my very first film to be on here, and I would love to get your feedback on what you think about Moonrise.

Also the album I have the soundtrack for that movie of the same title that's streaming everywhere. You can hear the music wherever you love to hear music. Also, this time of year, a really cool gift you can get for someone in your family is cameo. That's a cameo for me. I could say whatever you need me to say, Merry Christmas, words of encouragement, maybe Happy Birthday, whatever it might be. It's actually a pretty cool gift and super

easy for you. You go to cameo dot com slash Granger Smith, you find me, or you could download the cameo app and search for me Granger Smith, and then you just type exactly what you want me to say. I pull out my phone, I turn on the camera, I flip it around, I do a selfie video saying what you need me to say to who you need me to say it too, super simple cameo dot com slash Granger Smith Back to the podcast. Welcome back to

the podcast. Diving right back into these questions. You email me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com and I'll throw it in the cue. Subject line on this next one says business with my Dad. Hey Granger, my name is James. I'm twenty years old. I'm a mechanic from a small town in Michigan. I've been a fan for a while. I love this podcast. Thank you brother. My dad is opening a shop and wants me to be a mechanic

there and end up taking over. I think it would be cool, but I also don't know if I could handle working with him because he's constantly criticizing my work, saying that I don't know anything about cars or my certifications don't seem to mean anything. I love my dad and I would feel terrible telling him no, but dealing with him constantly criticizing me is seriously irritating me. We are both very independent people and hard headed, so fights will,

no doubt occur. I'm stressed about my future because I want to own my own shop, but I don't really know how to do it without with my father. Should I suck it up and work with him or do my own thing? Thanks for your time, God bless James James. Thanks for the email, buddy and the kind words. Man, Man, what a cool situation you're in. I know that's not what you expected me to say. But you want to

be a mechanic. You're evidently really good at it. You want to own your own shop one day, and you have a clear path to doing that through your dad. In fact, your dad you to be a mechanic there and wants you to take over his shop. Everything's right, This is a perfect fairy tale scenario. You're a good mechanic, your dream is to own a shop one day. Your dad wants you to work at his shop and take over his shop one day. Perfect right. Not quite? Then

the bad news comes in. You don't totally get along with your dad. So that's where the question comes in, and I think it's a legitimate question. I'm going to ask you a few things hypothetically. Here your dad irritating you, and he's hard headed, so are you. Fights will no doubt occur? According to you, What is your role in that, right, How do you respond to that, because that's what you can control. You can't control him, You can't this whole

mess about you don't know anything about cars. Let me stop right there. Let me repeat the scenario back to you, and you tell me if this makes any sense at all. Your dad wants you to take over his Pride and Joy shop, and he says you don't know anything about cars. Well, that's something something that's not adding up there. I'll tell you. What's not adding up is him telling you that. Of course, of course he knows you know about cars, because otherwise

he wouldn't have you take over his shop. You think he would have an idiot take over his shop that doesn't know anything about cars. His legacy, his pride and Joy, his business that he's worked and built for so long. You think he wants an idiot that knows nothing about cars to take over the business, even if it's his own son. He would lie to you. He would say, buddy, I'm gonna find somebody else to take over the shop,

because you got better things to do. You you you got a lot of other things going on in life, and so I'm gonna find my other buddy, here to take over the shop. But don't worry. It's nothing about you. You just that's what he would do, right. He wouldn't, He wouldn't lie to you. He wants you to take over the shop because he knows you are really good with cars. So that means that this whole deal that him saying you know nothing about cars, that's some kind

of way that he's encouraging you. That's his personality, that's the way. That's his love language. That's the way your dad tells you, come on, buddy, you got this now. You wish that he could say it that way, But what he's what he's trying to say is you are better than what you're doing right now. You're better than this, and you're twenty. So it's a legitimate argument. If my dad told me that at twenty, I would believe him now because I wasn't. I wasn't operating in full capacity

when I was twenty. So remember when your dad is saying these certificates mean nothing, what he means is, listen, I know you've gotten out. You've gotten these mechanic certifications. That's great, But what you need to do is get street smart with me. You need to learn the ways of the shop through me, through trial and error, through mistakes, through hardships. I want you to learn from me. It's great you have certificates, but those mean nothing but pieces

of paper. They're good for knowledge, but until you could use that knowledge in a real way, they mean nothing. That's what he means when he says you know nothing about cars, what he means is, Son, you haven't been tested yet. You might be smart, you might have certificates, but you need to be tested, and to be tested work with me. I know you could do this. In fact, you're smarter than I was at your age, and you're gonna do so great. That's why I'm handing you the

keys to the shop. But if you want to do this the right way, if you want to learn, if you want to be successful in this business, follow me. I'll show you through all the mistakes I've made, how to do this the right way. I know, James. That's what he's trying to tell you. Man. And instead of you being hard headed and going listen, Dad, I do know a lot about cars. These You know how long I worked on these certifications. Dad. I'm gonna start my

own shop one day. Instead of being that guy. Just say yes, sir, following you, Dad, I'm here for you, Dad. Sorry I messed that up. I'll get better next time. I want to get better, Dad, I want to get better for you. I want to get better for this shop. I want to I want this shop to be great one day, and I'm gonna learn it from you. What if, James, what if you said that? What if he said that? What a what a crazy thought? Right? Instead you resist

and you go no, Dad, I'm revolting. I'm hardheaded like you. We're gonna fight. You can't control how he says it, you can't control the way he encourages you. But you can control how you react. And I would suggest you react with yes, sir, Yes, sir Dad, because guess what, James, I could tell you firsthand. Yours are gonna go by, and one day you're gonna lose your dad. Take it

from me. You're gonna lose your dad, and you're gonna wish you had five more minutes with him, cup of coffee, car comes in, working on a problem, figuring out some issues, just you and him in the garage. You're gonna long for those days. He's gonna be gone and you're gonna you're gonna go into that that shop, and you're gonna go on that wall and you're gonna find it an old wrench that was stuffed in the back behind all the other tools, and you're gonna you're gonna pull it

out and you're gonna go wow. I haven't seen this wrench in seven years. The last person that picked it up was Dad, and he dropped it back behind this table. And you're gonna have flashbacks. You can go. I remember when Dad used this wrench. I remember when Dad criticized me for my stupid certificates. I remember when Dad told me that I knew nothing about cars, and I know now that he was he was just trying to encourage me. He didn't really mean that. And I really miss him.

I missed that old, hard headed guy. I miss his voice, I miss his laugh, I miss hanging with him. In fact, I actually miss his criticism. James, that's what you're gonna say one day. It's hard. It's hard for me to get that into your head because it seems so far off. Maybe it's twenty years for you, maybe it's thirty years, maybe it's ten years, Maybe it's tomorrow. We just don't know. But it's the reality. There was no other path. To

answer your question, short, there is no other path. No, you're not gonna go off and make your own shop one day. You're gonna take this path. You're gonna take the path of your old man. As stubborn as he is. He loves you. He loves you, otherwise he never would have asked you to take over this shop. Your response is yes, sir, let's sad. Another question here. The question says, to start with, I have anxiety, but it's a part

of me. I've lived with it for a long time, and I've learned how to live with it because God created me this way. But I met this amazing woman. I hear you say all the time that people ask you if they how they know if they're the right one for them. Well, I just knew the second I met her, and she feels the exact same as me. The kind of love we have in our connection is nothing less than God's blessing. These are all lowercase gee God's. We both had some hard times in our past and

we deserve this kind of love. I'm going to marry this woman. I already have it planned. But I look at myself as not deserving enough of her, because she's perfect in my eyes. But my anxiety fights a lot and makes me think I'm not doing good or enough or whatnot. And then she instantly reassures me and refuses to let me feel that way. I'm so thankful for her, But do you have any tips for me to be able to work through it myself? Also, maybe some tips

to ground myself. Thank you so much. Keep on doing what you're doing. God's work lowercase G God bless This question is is it another? Didn't say? I'm going to leave it anonymous. Okay, so you're having anxiety. I'm catching up here. I've read these for the first time writing on the podcast. You're having anxiety. You love this girl, you're going to marry this girl. You have a great connection, but you feel undeserving of this kind of love. Yeah,

that's what you're saying. Your anxiety fights you. It makes you feel like you're not doing enough, you're not enough and what not. She constantly reassures you and refute you and says, no, okay, cool. Well, I'm going to kind of relate back to one of the first questions that we did on this episode. And say, did you think that you're trying to get your identity from her? Did you think that she is the source of your happiness? Did you think that she is completing you in a way.

Did you think if you lose her, you will lose half of yourself and die. Let me put it this way, Anonymous, say you get married. I'm gonna build this hypothetical situation for you. Say you get married and she's the love of your life. Like you said, you just had this connection. She is God's blessing lowercase G. According to you, nothing less than God's blessing. You deserve this because you've been through hard times. But seven years down the road, you

get a call from the doctor. She just got back. It's cancer. She's got breast cancer. It's really bad. It's taken her quickly. She lived six months, she's gone. All your identity was in this woman. She was God's blessing to you. She was a gift that became your whole identity, that became the source of your happiness, the source of your joy, the source of your hope. What do you do? You said, give you some tips to be grounded. I'm

gonna give you the scenario to ground yourself. What do you do if that's the situation, I could tell you what you would do in that hypothetical situation. You would be lost, you would lose your mind, you'd go crazy. You would grieve uncontrollably. You would mourn and mourn until it became destructive and turned into depression, which is self deprecating.

It started destroying you, eating you from the inside out, because the love of your life, your identity, the source of your joy, the source of your happiness, is now dead and you have no more of it. You were completed by her. She completed your soul, and now she died, and so half of your soul died and there's no recovery.

You were gone. There is no more hope. If we were in the cab of the truck driving down a road, I would say this scenario, and then you would have to answer to that, because that's kind of a feeling I get from this question from you or you You're just you're hanging onto a thread. You're you're hanging on to this because because you don't want to mess it up, you got it just so tight and you're squeezing so tight, right, and you're just hanging on to this for dear life.

You don't want to lose it, and I don't graineer. I don't know what to do. We got to. I don't feel like I deserve it. I'm not doing it. I've always feel like I'm not doing enough, or I'm not I'm not being enough. I'm not I'm not enough. And even though she reassures me and tells me that that that I am enough, I'm just hanging on. I'm holding on to so tight and you're squeezing the life out of it with that closed fist. You're destroying it.

Open your fist. If you truly believe this is a gift from God, upper case g. If you truly believe she is a blessing and a gift from God, then you open your palm and you hold it with an open hand, and you say, God, you give you take away. I love this woman, I love the gift that she is to me, but I'll know that I'll always worship the giver of the gift more than the gift itself.

Open hand, open palm, don't suffocate this. You're talking like a desperate man that's trying to do everything he can to justify how he possibly deserves this good woman, and she's just playing ketchup, trying to reassure you over and over, and then eventually she's gonna be annoyed by this. It's nice right now. What's it gonna look like in ten years. I don't deserve you. Eventually it's going to creep into her head and she's going to go, maybe I don't.

You've been saying it for ten years. Your anxiety is driving me crazy. Maybe everybody's got a breaking point on their patients. My advice is, don't squeeze her, don't suffocate her. Ground yourself by knowing that your happiness doesn't come from her. It's an overflow from the love that you have with her, but it's not her. Your identity does not come from her.

Think about that, Think about that long and hard. That's a big deal, because if you don't, you're in trouble in any of the scenarios I laid out for you. Let's hit another one here. Subject line on this one says,

advise please. Hey, Grangeard like to stay anonymous, but I've been going out with and she says, with her two jobs and moving, she's not sure if she could make things work right now, and she wants to keep talking and going out, but she doesn't want to waste my time if she can't see me super often, your help would be a life saver. Okay, this is super simple, and you guys have heard similar questions like this, So I'm gonna be hey, Anonymous, this is this is totally

out of love. But let me repeat what you said back to you so you could see it. I'm gonna turn them take this mirror, and I'm gonna flip it around on you so you could see yourself in the mirror. She says, she's just gonna take on two jobs and she's not sure she could make things work with you right now, but she wants to keep talking and going out. She just doesn't want to waste your time if she can't see you super often. As you're looking at the mirror that I flipped around and want you to see

how ridiculous that sounds. She wants to keep going out and talking to you, but she doesn't want to waste your time because she's got two jobs. What she's saying is, I don't care about you enough for you to take time into my jobs. My jobs are more important than you me, making money in this career is way more important than actually dating you, which means this dating thing is not going anywhere. You're not a future husband of mine,

is what she's saying. Okay, so dude, the whole I want to keep talking and keep going out can't happen. So you just go back and you just say, hey, I know you're being nice and I appreciate the tender heart that you have for me. You don't want to hurt my feelings, but I could take it. I'm a man, I could take it. Just let me, let me have it. I know you don't like me. She's like, no, I do like you, and you're like, I understand. I know a breakup when I hear it. I heard it on

the Grangersmith podcast. Just kidding, don't say that. But the answer is I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Thank you for being kind, but I don't think I could hang out or talk on the phone at all. That's it. It's not a knock on you. I just I can't handle that. My heart can't handle balancing all that, so I'm gonna have to politely bow out of everything. Goodbye, thank you. This is a breakup. This is a hard, breakup the end. Next question subdecline says question for you to talk about

on your podcast. Good subdecline, Hey Granger, I have a question that would be great for you to answer on one of your podcasts. My question is, is dating to Mary still a thing? To people still date to Mary? I hear so many people that say young love isn't real, or you'll never marry her because she's your first girlfriend. I was just wondering if you could talk about this

topic on your podcast. Thank you. Okay, So I have a feeling you're super young, and that's why you're I have a feeling you're dating early on in your life, and so that's why people are saying you'll never marry because she's your first girlfriend. So this must be your first girlfriend. Got it? Let me answer bluntly. Is dating to Mary still a thing? Hmm? It never was not

a thing. It never will not be a thing, no matter what culture says, no matter what tendency people want to go on, no matter what social media trend is happening, no matter what happens in life, our society, our civilization, Marriage and dating for marriage is the only thing. There is no other way than marriage, Like there is no other purpose for dating than marriage. Dating isn't a thing without marriage, period. There's no sports dating, sport dating. There

is no casual dating. There was no whatever else name you want to give to dating that means anything or has any point, or has any value or does anything for anybody besides mild entertainment than dating to marry. Now, dating wasn't always a thing. That's a new thing. It's a late in life thing, that's a late on the timeline of humans thing. But marriage is always a thing. Marriage is biblical. Marriage goes back to the beginning of time.

Marriage goes back to the beginning of creation. Marriage, and in our relationship with Christ, represents a man marriage. We are the bride of Christ. We represent a marriage, a biblical marriage. We represent a marriage on earth. We make a covenant with our spouse here. So, yes, it doesn't matter what you've heard, doesn't matter, why you've asked that question, doesn't matter who told you something that made you think that that question didn't matter. It does because the Bible

says it does. And the Bible transcends me or my opinion, our social media, our culture, our modern science. It is older than all that it has stood over the test of time through all that. So yes, dating to Mary still a thing. It is the thing. Okay, now the other things you said, young love isn't real. You know that's ridiculous. I don't know what that even means. But of course it's real. You'll never marry her because she's your first girlfriend. I don't understand what that means. It's possible.

It's not always, it's not always gonna happen, but it's definitely possible. We have thousands of examples, millions of examples. So yeah, that's the issue. It's super simple. I made it super complicated, but it's really easy. Is dating to Mary still a thing? You better believe it. Love you guys, See you next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the Granger Smith Podcast. I appreciate all of you. Guys. You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes.

If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a question for me that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Yigi