If you ever want to lead somebody in your life, you got to learn how to be led. And one of the ways to how to learn how to be led is in school. That's one of the earliest places we learn that. And ultimately on this podcast, I want to always tell you you got to lean into the hard things, not away from them, not run from them,
not say it's too hard. Because you didn't say it in his email, but I would if I was with you in the cab of the truck and we were talking about this, I would say, be honest with me, Spencer. You're saying it's too hard, You're too weak. You're telling me you're too weak and this is too hard to finish school. Hey, everybody, welcome back to the podcast, episode one hundred and sixty five. Thank you for watching and listening.
Wherever you're coming from, wherever whatever platform brought you here, and wherever you're listening. I appreciate you so much. I love doing this. That's why I've done so many because I keep coming back because of you, guys, because your questions are so great. That's what we do on this podcast is I answer your questions. Email me Granger Smith Podcast at gmail dot com and it could be about anything.
Just like me and you are sitting in the cab of a truck driving down the road and we're like having a conversation and you're like, hey, Granger, can I ask you something? Something's been on my mind, something I'm going through, and I'm like, hit me, and we talk about it in long form. That's why I love the podcast as opposed to a quick, quick clip on social media. This is this is the full form. I'm gonna give you everything that I could think about it. I don't
have any notes in front of me. I haven't pre planned answers to your questions. We're just going to go through the inbox and see what you sent. So here we go. Subject line in the first one says school slash work. Hey Granger, this is Spencer. I'm fifteen. I live in Florida. I love your music. Your song Country
Things is probably my favorite. Thanks buddy. I just recently got a job, and I don't really see the importance of school because school doesn't pay me, and I feel like I have a good general education and I don't want to be a rocket scientist. I just want to go grab a chunk of land and live off of it. So why focus on school when I could have more hours and make more money and actually start getting somewhere
in life. Thanks ye yee, Spencer, thank you for the email, buddy, and the fact that you're fifteen and listening to this podcast. I just appreciate that. I'm always surprised a little bit.
I don't think I ever started this podcast directly towards young teens, but as I started posting clips up on TikTok, I started getting more of it, and I'm just I think it's amazing, and I think it's a true privilege for me to be able to speak into young teens, mainly because I used to be one, and I used to be a really dumb one, and so anything I say that might sound out of tough love. I want you to know, Oh, for instance, you Spencer, I want you to know that I'm speaking to myself because I
once was you. And I want to point out the first thing to anyone listening that that email I just read had no punctuation in it. So that's kind of a it's kind of an ironic point here. The entire paragraph had no punctuation in it, which you know, may lead me to say that maybe school is not a bad thing just for punctuations sake. But let's dive into your question, Spencer, And you know what, this question is just as much related to parents, So parents of young teens.
I think this question is great for you to hear too. Okay, And here's what I want to say, Spencer. You have no idea what you're talking about, and not that I do. I just I've lived three times as long as you, essentially, so I remember being fifteen and I remember thinking, what's the point of school? Well, the first point that you're missing is that school is not always about what you learn. It's more so about how you learn. Learning how to learn is a big piece of school. That's a big
it's a big component to school. It's learning how to learn. Setting your eyes on a goal and setting forth to meet that goal with all kinds of requirements, and then fulfilling all the needs and meeting the goal and finishing the race. That's a big deal with school. It's not so much about actually specifically the facts and the skills that you're learning. And I know that sounds crazier, like
that sounds counterproductive. Well, that's really a big deal because those of us that had finished high school know that when we got that diploma, we're like, man, that was probably the biggest deal I've ever done in my life. That's the biggest accomplishment so far that I've done in my life. And I'm not saying that lightly. That's what the high school diploma meant to me. I might not have known it at the time, as I was going through classes. A lot of it I just didn't like
a lot of it. I thought was pointless. A lot of times I thought, I just want to sing music. What am I doing school for? You want to play music? This is crazy? What in this class in my learning? For my life? Nothing? That's what I kept saying to myself. But I didn't realize what I was doing. I didn't realize that I set off to accomplish a goal and I had to meet all these intricate requirements over the course of years. And when I finished it, I thought, I did it. I did one of the most meaningful
things I've ever done. I finished it at high school diploma. There's that. That's where I'll start with. The Other thing I'll say is that you have no idea down the road, how many years down the road. You have no idea where you're gonna be and what you're gonna be doing. You say, right now, I'm just interested. I don't want to be a rocket scientist. I get it. But you say, I just I'm just interested in living off the land. And well, that's what you said. I just want to
grab a chunk of land and live off of it. Man, I get it, So do I, bro so do I. When I was fifteen, that's a huge goal. And then things change. You get things like a wife, and you get things like kids, and you get things like responsibility, and you get things like you know, leases and mortgages and payments and things that you gotta do. Then that's
a beautiful thing. That's life. Those are beautiful things. And part of that argument, I would say, hey, stay young, stay uncommitted for a while, and just enjoy it why you can, because guess what it's coming. You're gonna fall in love, you're gonna meet somebody. We'll probably answer a
question on this podcast very soon about just this. But when that happens, and you got a wife, you got kids, and you've got responsibilities, and you got the job that you enjoy, and then one day your supervisor or your boss is going to promote you, and then they realize, oh, you don't have a high school diploma, that we got to promote the other guy that does. Sorry, Spencer, I
didn't realize you never finished high school. But that's kind of that's the requirement to become a supervisor in this company. I know that sounds foreign to you right now. I know you're not even thinking about being part of a company, but more than likely you will. And this is the time to do it, because that's not the time to do it. The time to not do it is when you're thirty five years old and you go, man, I'm
up for the supervisor position. But now I got to go get my ged because I was an idiot when I was fifteen and I didn't finish finish the race. School is not always about what you learn. It's about how you learn. It's about learning how to learn. Here's my final point. You are using this lifestyle of living off the land and being wild and free and school is worthless. You're using that argument as a cop out
because school is boring. Then you don't want to do it and it's kind of hard, and you got to get up early and you got to read, and you got to follow under the authority of the rules of the school. That's all things that a fifteen year old kid doesn't really want to do. I mean, let's be honest, when I was fifteen, I didn't even want to brush my teeth, much less get out of bed, much less comb my hair, much left put on shoes. I just wanted to run around in the dirt all day and
hunt deer, wild hair and unbrushed teeth. That's part of being a man. If you ever want to lead somebody in your life, you got to learn how to be led. And one of the ways to how to learn how to be lead is in school. That's one of the earliest places we learned that. And you also learn how to be around females and other guy friends, and you
learn different kinds of skills. These are all things that you are using as a cop out because it's hard, and ultimately, on this podcast, I want to always tell you you got to lean into the hard things, not away from them, not run from them, not say it's too hard. Because you didn't say it in his email, but I would if I was with you in the cap of the truck and we were talking about this, I would say, be honest with the Spencer. You're saying
it's too hard, you're too weak. You're telling me you're too weak and this is too hard to finish school. So you're like, I'm just want to be a you know, on the land. It's a cop out. It's a cop out. I know it's tough love. And I would say this to you to your face, and I would say it in confidence, knowing that I could say that to myself at your age, and I probably would have needed to hear it. Finish school. You will not regret it. Fifty
years from now. You will not look back and say I wish I hadn't taken that advice from that podcast and finished school. It meant nothing. You will not say that, but you would regret if you don't trust me. I probably spent way too long on that. Let me move on to the next question. Subdecline says any advice on this, Dear Granger Smith, I prefer to stay anonymous. Last year, my fiance and I were expecting a baby. Unfortunately, both her and the baby didn't make it. I haven't been
the same since. No matter what I do, I can't stop myself from thinking about them and what my life would have been. I know it's not easy. Is there any advice you have for me on perhaps starting to live my life again? Is there a way that I can get past this? Thank you? Yeah, Anonymous, Thanks for the email, Thanks for opening up, thanks for being vulnerable. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I can't I can't imagine losing a love of my life and a baby in the same day, in the same moment. Don't say this.
I would say this, and the course of human history, your story is very common. You want to know how. I know because I've visited cemeteries. Have you ever visited a cemetery? I think it's important in life to occasionally visit a cemetery. I get such good perspective going to a cemetery and just walking walking, And that might sound morbid, that might sound weird, but I don't do it out of some kind of strange sentimental, weird vibe. I genuinely do it just to go and think a little bit.
It relaxes me, honestly, and I could go through if say I'm in a new town and I'm on tour and playing music, and I go to grab some groceries
for the bus. And if I see a cemetery and I have time, sometimes I'll take a stroll through it and just read some of the names and look at some of the dates, think about all the people, and I think about how many funerals were there, and how many people stood around those graves and cried and mourned, and then within just a few decades, they too were right there in the ground with their loved ones that
they once mourned for. It's a crazy thought until one hundred years go by and the entire families there and they're all together. They're earthly bodies in the grave. It's a strange thought, but it's healing in a way. And to get to your point, so many times you see a mother and a baby buried next to each other, because that used to be very common, meaning that there's a lot of dads out there like you, billions of them, I'm sure, over the course of history that lost their
wife and their child in childbirth. And what do they do. Always they moved forward. They continued to move forward because that's the only direction they can go. There is no reverse, there is no neutral. They move forward. They go on with their lives. They don't have to move on, they don't have to forget, they don't have to put it out of their head. But they use that and they store it up for gratefulness and they keep moving forward. You said, is there any way that I could learn
to live my life again? You said, no matter what I do, I cannot stop my stuff from thinking of them. Well, first of all, here's this. First of all, you said last year, so you're just a year in. That's the first thing is it takes time to heal. Time is going to be your friend. As time goes by, as months go by, as years go by, you'll start to slowly heal through this. And that's inevitable. You're going to heal.
And when ten years goes by, you're gonna look back and it's not gonna be easy to look at it, but it's it's got to be better. It's got to be better, way better than you are right now a year in. It's really tough for you are. The second point I want to make is you say, no matter what I do, I cannot stop myself from thinking of them and what my life would have been. That's a mistake. I'm not blaming you for it. I understand that sentiment, but I'm telling you don't do that, because why do
I say? Why do I say? Don't think about what your life would have been, because that's impossible because it didn't happen. There is no what your life would have been. It is only what your life is because that's what happened. And this is where you are. If you live a life thinking about what would have been, you're only living half a life. What you're supposed to be and what you're supposed to be is embracing who you are right now today in relation to all the circumstances that your
story has brought you today. So you are who you are because of the stories that have shaped you, and this is who God made you to be. With these stories, with the adversity, with the highs and the lows, That's what makes you who you are. That's what makes you tick. That's what makes you ironically anonymous. Right, I would say your name, but that wouldn't make sense because you asked to be anonymous. You are who you are because of your stories and everything that made you, so there is
no life that would have been with them. Instead, there is a life that you learned from them that you will now take to your nome relationship as you move forward, and don't worry about rushing that it's gonna happen when it happens. Don't even think about it right now. You could just grieve. It's okay. The date's gonna come up when it's the day that they died, and that's gonna be a tough anniversary. And you're gonna think about on Thanksgiving.
You're going to think about it on Christmas. You're gonna think about it on a major holidays. You're gonna be more sentimental to it. But that's okay. Whatever you feel at the time is okay. Just keep moving forward, just like all those graves, Just like all those fathers before us, before you, they made it. Humans have overcome unbelievable tragedy, and you will too. Next question, subject CLIENTE says meeting a new girl, Fay Grange. I'm twenty four years old
from a small town in central Illinois. I'd like to stay anonymous. There's this girl I've been talking to on FaceTime, Snapchat and on the phone. I've never met her because she's living in CALIFORNI that I already have strong feelings for her and want to meet her, but my siblings and some friends say I shouldn't go out there to meet her. I'm just wondering if you had any advice, hoping to hear from you. Keep the good work coming
on the podcast. Thanks Anonymous. It's funny. It's sometimes it occurs to me when people ask to be anonymous, when your story is so specific. I'm wondering, Like, you're twenty four years old from Central Illinois and you're talking to a girl in California on Snapchat. Whoever's listening that wants to know who you are, They know who you are. Just kind of throwing that out there, But I appreciate your trusting me with something like this. And here's what
I'll say. You're you're talking to her, you've never met her. What's it gonna hurt? What's it gonna hurt to go out to California for the weekend and visit this girl? Because then you'll know. Then you don't have to worry about it anymore. You're gonna know or you're not. Now I want to say a couple of things about that. First, do not go alone. You're gonna go with a friend, maybe you're being catfished in a weird way. I don't know, be hard this catfish on the FaceTime. But it's possible
go with a friend, and that's just good. That would be a man of integrity would travel with a friend anyway to see a girl, and you would not get a hotel and you will not stay with her alone, et cetera, et cetera. Let's assume that that's the way this goes down. It's gonna be a nice dinner and movie and tell her to bring a friend and your friend has someone, and you know, it's like a double date, double blind date. Essentially. The second thing is going into this.
You apparently know her well and you've talked to her. You're gonna have a good conversation with her, a very open conversation. It's like, Hey, I want to come busy you. I want to jump on a I'm gonna I'm gonna roll over to Chicago. I'm gonna roll over the Midway. I'm gonna get a Southwest Airlines flight over to Burbank or wherever you are. And that's not a very expensive flight. I fly out of Chicago all the time, and maybe maybe you can get one from under one hundred bucks. Right,
I'm gonna but I'm gonna go out here. I'm gonna fly under to see you. But before I do that, I need to know something, Okay, And then then it gets really serious, right like pin gonna drop. It gets so quiet, and she's like yeah, and you're like, I really like you. And if I fly out there and I find out that it's legit and we have something, where do we go from there? Like would you be open to moving to Illinois or do you need me
to move to California? I'm just saying, And she's gonna be like, oh, you know, she's gonna get embarrassed, and you go, no, I'm serious. I know this sounds crazy, but I'm a planner. She could respect that. Like I'm a planner. I don't just do things and just hope for the best. Just throw it up in the air and see what sticks. I want to know, like, say, five years down the road, are we living together in California married with two kids? Are we living here in
Illinois married with three kids? Like? Where do you see this going? And if she says something like well, first of all, I'll never move in Illinois. Ever, I hate that state. I would never leave California. You got to admit that's kind of a red flag. So it's like, okay, mental note, she hates my state? Or what if she says something like this, You know what, I think you're a great guy, and I just want to be with somebody that I love, that I think could be a
great father to my children and a great husband. And if that's the case, I'll move wherever. It's like, Okay,
I like that. That's a check in the positive box, just saying those are some conversations that you got to whenever you're dealing with long distance relationship on the phone only you have to hit them with some hard questions that you would not normally say on a first, second, third, but you got to because you don't want to waste money on a flight and get out there and actually like her, find out three months later she hates Illinois, she hates your family, she doesn't ever want to get
a job, she's lazy, whatever. It was all just infatuation and you fail for it. Okay, you don't want to find that out after you've invested these plane tickets and these dinners and a lot of time, right, does that make sense? So lay out some ground rules, ask the hard questions early, take a friend, and then I say, what's it hurt just to go out to California for a weekend and see what's up. Worst case scenario, you travel and eat some good almonds or something. You know what,
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your Raycon purchase. Buy raycon dot com slash Granger. Back to the podcast, All right, back to the podcast, Back to the questions. I'm gonna jump into this one. It says, hey, mister Smith. I'm Mike D. I'm from Countryside, the countryside of southern New Jersey. I'm twenty one years old. I've been welding going on for three years now, and I struggle at times with being patient and trusting God to
get me where he wants me. I'm curious on how you trusted His process when you first started your music career when times seemed slow or rough. Thank you for your time and thank you for your music. Yee, Mike D. Appreciate the email. Mike, thanks for the question. It's a good question, and I want to I want to really nudge you on this. I want to dig in. In fact, I don't even know what I'm gonna say, but if me and you were right in the truck, I would
ask you a couple questions. I would say, why do you think God is pushing you through this welding career? Why do you think why do you think I would think God was pushing me through a music career. That's something I would ask if we're in the cap of the truck. There's no right or wrong answer, but I say that because you say I'm curious on how you trusted His process when you first started your music career when things seemed slow or rough. So how this is
what I would say now. I don't know what I thought back then because I wasn't necessarily a believer and I wasn't a new creation, But I would say now that God takes us through slow or rough times purposely. That's what the Bible says. He's sovereign, he ordains everything.
So I would say He willed the slow in rough times for me as opposed to it sounds like what you're saying in the email is that or maybe you understand that, but it sounds like you're saying God didn't want you to be in the slow rough times and he's kind of waiting for you to come out of it. So I would say God needs us to go through rough times, and it's up to us to realize who he is through his revealed word in the Bible. We
find out who he is in the Bible. And you say you struggle at times of being patient and trusting God to get you where he wants you to be. I could tell you exactly where he wants you to be, and that's with your nose in the Bible, because that's where he speaks. That's his ever living word where he still speaks today. And so you get your nose in that Bible and you go, all right, God, cup of coffee, I'm up early before the sun of starting early here
in Matthew one, chapter one, verse one. All right, God, I'm gonna read, reveal to me your precious word. Reveal to me right now what I need to see for my purpose, fulfill for me, your purpose in me, Your will be done, not mine. And you start there. I mean, that's a really good place to start. That's a really good prayer and a really good place to start, right before the sun comes up to kick off each day.
And you do that every single day, and do that for a year, and I would be very surprised after a year you do that every single morning. I'd be very surprised if you walked away and said, I still have no idea what his will is for my life. I give you a spoiler alert, and he's going to tell you in there that his will for your life is to take the Gospel to all nations and make disciples. That's his will. That's what he needs from you. That has nothing to do with welding. Welding is just a vehicle.
It's just it's a tent making business for you. It's either funding you know what you need to be doing, or it's introducing me to people that you work with, or it's it's bringing new clients to you, or it's getting you in front of new people that you're but all of it is to make disciples of all nations. That's his will for you. That's just a hint, but I would ask you to dive into it, get your nose in there. That's what you need to be doing.
Next question, another young teen. I love this email, says Hey Grage. I'm thirteen years old. I'm a boy from a rural part of Michigan, and I have for the last year went through the loss of my grandpa, who was the father and dad to me because my parents are divorced, so me and him did everything together, hunted, fished. My question for you is how do you find happiness when I know everything is not okay? Question comes from
Iden and your thirteen year old language. Iden, you asked a very profound question and I love it and it shows a depth in you. Iden that's amazing, way ahead of me at thirteen. Because here's what you said, how do you find happiness when you know everything is not okay? Right? Like, that's the question, that's the question of life. How do you find happiness when things are not okay? So think about that. Let's unpack that. If we were in the cab of a truck, we would drive down the road
and we'd say, let's unpack that. Tell me that again, how do you find happiness when you know everything is not okay? And I would say, well, maybe happiness is not what you're seeking. Maybe happiness is not attainable if everything is not okay. Hey, true, then maybe there's another word for what you're longing for, what you're yearning for, And I would say, it's joy. So let's replace happiness with joy, because happiness happens to us. Happiness comes and goes.
It's fleeting, it happens. You could walk outside and it's a sunny day and the sun hits your shoulders and the warm breeze hit your face, and you go, I'm happy. And then five minutes later, a rainstorm comes and blows your hat off your head and you step in a puddle and you go not happy anymore. It's gone. So let's replace the word happiness with joy, because joy is something far more eternal, far more deep within you. So I'm gonna reask your question, how do you find joy
when you know everything is not okay? Now we're digging deep. Now we're having a good conversation in the truck, and I would say, first of all, congratulations on knowing that everything's not okay. Like that's the first battle I would say. I would say, recognizing that everything is not okay, there's something a lot of people can't do. A lot of people think it's just something's wrong, but they can't place exactly what in their life is falling apart. It's like
everything and that's a problem. That's where depression starts setting in when you go, my life seems okay, everything seems to be put together, but I'm just not right okay. But you're not saying that id and you're saying you see the brokenness because you lost directly related to the loss of your grandpa, who was a father figure to you, because your parents are divorced. So there's the problem. He's gone and things are not okay, and it's okay, it's
okay to not be okay. You know why, because you lost your grandpa, and you loved your grandpa and he was a dad to you and it taught you everything. Then he was a great man and he loved you, and you're grieving him, and it's okay to not be okay. Let's establish that right now. And here's another thing. Let's use that word happy. It's okay to not be happy when things are not okay. That's normal. Don't let anybody
tell you snap out of it. You should be happy right now, you know, Wipe that frown off your face. Don't let anybody tell you that, because whatever you're feeling is right when it comes to grief. So you gotta let some time go by. And as time goes by, you'll start realizing realizing some more things. And this is a lot for a thirteen year old, Iden, This is a lot. But I love that you're asking these right questions. Here's let me wrap this up. You can have joy
and not be okay. You could have joy and grieve. You could have joy and mourn all at the same time. And that comes from realizing that you are a child of God, that you have a heavenly father who has chosen you, who loves you, who cares for you, who is watching you, who has planned for you, who knows exactly what happened to your grandfather and has a plan that he will enact on you, and he will fulfill his purpose in you. Knowing that you're not worthy of that,
knowing that you don't deserve that. Now that just overflows with joy, going you know what, I lost the one thing on this earth that I love, my grandpa. But I have something greater than that, heavenly father that I'll never lose, that will reunite me with my grandpa. But I will see again, and I will learn not to ask why instead of what? What do you need me to learn from this? Now, this, this kind of thinking
takes a long time to unpack. But the end road of this, what you'll discover as you as you go down this path is you will have joy. And it's okay to have joy and not be okay. And that's how you move forward. You don't get stuck. You don't want to get stuck in your grief, stuck in the mud, or you just can't get out. That is the road to depression. Let's hit another one here. Subject line says searching for young Christians to grow with hey Grander. My
name is Katie. I'm twenty three. We have moved to Chicago a year ago from Pennsylvania. This past year have been shown the beauty and struggle of being in the early twenties. I'm searching for a Bible study or a worship group of young Christians in my area are virtually or virtually who are relying on their faith to guide
them through this time of uncertainty and remarkable change. Do you yourself have any advice on navigating the identity crisis that comes in your early twenties and figuring out God's plan for you from relationships and friendships to family and work. Katie, all right, cool, Thanks for the question, Katie. What identity crisis are you talking about? As a Christian? You're going to find your identity through your Creator, not in a way that you define it or that anyone else defines it.
Let's clear that up from the beginning, and second of all, figuring out God's plan. You know I've gone through this on this podcast. You don't have to figure out God's plan for you. Did you know that that's not a burden you have to carry. You don't have to figure out what God wants to do with you, Like, what's the mystery God? What mysterious plan does God have for me? I hope that one day I'll just figure it out. Now, how awesome is it to know that you don't have
to carry that burden and figure that out on your own. Now, what you can do, what you need to do, what you should do, what you're designed to do, is pull out your Bible. It's our instruction manual. This is an ancient book, but it's trustworthy and it goes back thousands of years with over forty different authors written over the course of over fifteen hundred years, written by eyewitnesses in the presence of other white eyewitnesses fulfilling ancient prophecies claim
to be divine in nature. Now, we could trust this book historically and factually and archaeologically, archaeologically what's that word. I don't know, that's way too big a word for me. But you could trust this book in all those kind of ways. But that's kind of beside the point here. You could trust that book spiritually by opening it up and reading it right, so you discover through reading that
book that God's plan for you is written there. Sometimes we read a book most of the time we read books and we try to figure out what they're saying. We read the Bible when we figure out it already knows us, It already understands us, and it's a crazy thing that you could only find in those pages. Like I said earlier to that guy, get your nose in
the book. So let's be more practical here. Besides that, you say, do you have any advice on navigating this remarkable change in your early twenties, you moved from Chicago from Pennsylvania. Okay, so I got a guy from the Chicago area that's in love with a girl from California. I could introduce you to He's twenty four. I'm just kidding. He's anonymous though, so we don't know how to find him, but maybe you could email in and we could hook
you guys up. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, kind of not kidding. But what if in this podcast we became matchmakers and people emailed in that we're trying to find somebody, and they actually found each other because they both emailed the podcast. That would be interesting. You said, you're searching for a Bible study or worship group of young Christians in your area who are relying on their faith to guide them through this time of Oh, I know what you're talking about.
You're talking about uncertainty as far as like viruses and stuff, aren't you? Maybe you are listen. What about a local church that's like the place to go to find Bible studies and young Christians? Is a local church and if you go there and there's not any, you go to another one. Chicago is full of them. I know many in Chicago. There's probably a thousand. There's probably a thousand in Chicago. No, there's not a thousand good ones. But I think that'd be a great adventure on Sundays to
do a little research before you go. Check out the about me on their website, on the church website, read about them a little bit, and go seek it out. That would be a great adventure and a great way to meet young people. And I don't think you can go wrong. You'll end up landing in the right spot. Saturate that ideal with prayer. Let's grab another one doing the random scroll here on Granger smith POD's at podcast at gmail dot com, and this one came up subject
line break up confusion. Hey Granger, longtime fan. I saw a concert in Oregon last year. It was really amazing. Recently broke up. Recently broken up with But where I have trouble is the way that it happened. Okay, I'm listening, and then we got a list of bullet points here that you put it says. One month ago everything was amazing. One month ago, boyfriend got second job to pay off
truck and buy house for himself. Us started working sixty to seventy five hours a week, drinking, exhausting himself and using alcohol to cope. He shuts down often, so I tried to be there for him and support him and no luck. Randomly breaks up with me that same week when we had been working on some issues, like there was nothing wrong, But then his excuse was he needed to find himself be happy again live in his early twenties. He told me the door is still open. He needs
a break For a few months. He didn't say break up untill I told him to clarify this. Do I take your past advice from episode one sixty one or is that a different case by case. I'm racking my brain because I thought this was the one together two years eight months. Only started acting like this after that new job. Thank you, Granger, Love and blessings to your family, Happy holidays. Did you say your name? You didn't. You
didn't say your name, but that's okay. Thanks for your sweet words, and thanks for the for the question I want to say, I don't don't. I don't necessarily remember what I said in episode one sixty one. I don't necessarily remember what I said in the first break of this podcast, episode one sixty five, because my brain is all over the place. But I don't think it's going to be different. So let me shoot from the hip. He broke up with you because he says he needs
to find himself and be happy again. The poor guy. The poor guy just wants to be happy. Can't you blame him? He just wants to live in his early twenties, find himself and be happy. Man, that just sounds like a bad poem waiting to happen. Here's a deal. I know that this sounds crazy because you guys dated for two years and eight months and it seems like it's
coming out of nowhere. But what I'm willing to predict is, although it seems like it came out of the blue, he has been acting and hiding this for several months now, and he has finally gotten tired of acting like he's into this relationship. And that's what happens when someone's like deeply in love for a long time and then all of a sudden, boom, they're out, like they no longer want to be in it. That just means that there was a transition period, pretty good transition period time when
he was just acting. He realized his love was starting to fade, and so he started kicking in the acting gear. And as it faded more, and he started acting more, and he faded more until he got unbearable where he couldn't act anymore, and he said, you know what, I can't I can't do it. And then he's probably sat there for a couple of weeks and he said, I gotta tell her. I gotta tell her. I gotta tell her. I gotta tell her. I can't fake this anymore. I
can't act like this anymore. I gotta tell her. And finally, one night he just said, I gotta tell you something. I gotta break up with you. I want to go on a break and I need to find myself and I need to be live in my early twenties and I need to do what else? What else? Oh, I need to be happy again. He's like going down the little checklist. Listen, I don't mean to I don't mean to sound harsh on you, and I want to respect your feelings. But at the same time, I want to
give you tough life because I want to. I want to shoot you straight so that you could recover quicker and you could heal better and faster. Because if I just if I give it to you soft, you're just gonna hang on to him. But maybe it has to do with this new job. Maybe it has to do with him drinking and exhausting himself and using alcohol to cope. Maybe he was actually getting the job to pay off a truck and buy a house for you, or maybe
not any of that. Maybe that's just that all was a facade and he's been fading, and he as as he started fading, he decided to get a job that kicked in more hours, thinking maybe that would save it. And when that didn't save it, maybe he started drinking because he still was losing love, and then when alcohol didn't work, he'd drank more. Like that's very possible that that's what happened. But the bottom line is he's out, and you're going through all the facts in your head.
You're replaying on all this, like what did I do wrong? What could I blame? Like your brain wants to blame something it wants to identify, like boom, that was the moment that he took the job. The job is what killed our relationship, Okay, And like you could deal with that, you go, there's the moment, but it's harder to deal with he just fell out of love. There's nothing you did, and there was no catalyst, and it wasn't the job. In fact, it was all a facade and he was acting. Listen.
I might be wrong about all of this, but I'm I got a pretty good hunch because I've lived it. I've got a pretty good hunch that that's where his head is. But it doesn't really matter because he's out, and you need to trust his words when he says I need to get out. Do you want to be with a guy that says I just need to live in my early twenties and be happy again. I just need to find myself. You want to be with a guy that has lost himself? No, you don't know. You don't,
I don't even know what that means. I don't know what that means. But there's a better guy for you. There's a guy that will not lose himself. There's a guy that will not drink himself silly because he's just trying to hide his emotions about you. There's a guy that won't work seventy five hours a week because he just would rather be home with you. There's a guy that wants to spend his early twenties with you. There's
a guy that's when he's with you, he's happy. I'm just saying, there's that guy out there, and you're gonna find him. And it's not this dude. Don't look at the two and two years and eight months, don't look at his wasted time. It's not wasted time. You learned a lot. You learned what to look for in the next guy. You learn for what warning science to see, You learn what red flags are. You learn that it might not be as easy as you think to find the spouse that you want to been the rest of
your life with. And that's okay. It's the search and you'll find them. That's all we got. Love you, guys, See you next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that little like button and notification spell so that you never miss
anytime I upload a video. If you have a question for me that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com, yig