#163 Granger Smith’s advice on dealing with miscarriage & loosing faith in God

the podcast. This is episode one sixty three. Thanks for watching and listening wherever you're coming from or whatever platform you're using. This podcast is available free all over wherever you love to hear podcasts, and I love doing it, so thank you for being here. This is where I

answer your questions. You email me anything you want to talk about, and we're going to talk about it with me not having notes and not preparing and not having a bunch of stuff sitting around and I'm going to read and figure out how to do it so with some psychological solution. That's not what this is. This is like me and you are friends and we're driving in the cab of the truck and you're like, hey man, there's something's been going on in my life. I would

love to run this by you. What do you think? And I'm going to answer back with something that I would give to a friend, and I would hope that someone would return the favor. If I have a question, and I usually do so, you could email your question granger Smith Podcast at gmail dot com. Send it to Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com, and I'm going to get to the first one. The subject line here says faith and the email says, Hi, I enjoy your videos.

I watched them all the time. I'm writing because I feel like I'm losing my faith in God. My sister needs a hip replacement and the doctor's not doing anything. I'm also having health problems and I feel like God is not healing us. I have blood cancer and I've been having problems with my knee after knee replacement surgery three years ago. I've been told nothing is wrong, but these doctors that tell me this aren't having the problems. I am sorry I've bothered you. Maria. Yeah, Maria, thank

you for emailing. I appreciate you open it up with something. You know that this is this is a vulnerable subject for you, so I appreciate you opening up and I'm gonna give you some tough love. I love giving tough love because I think that that's very important that I shoot you straight if I just coddle you guys, and I'm just like, oh, Maria, I'm so sorry. You know, God, God, here's you, and He's just coming. God's on the way,

you know. Church. A lot of churches teach this every Sunday, and it man, I got to go easy with what I say here, but churches will teach God's on the way. You just stay right where you are, just wallow in the mud, and God is God's coming. It's like it's like God is on an airplane and the plane's delayed and he made it to his connection flight, but you know they're having engine problems. But he's coming. He's got the ticket and he always gets to his destination. Just

sometimes he's late. Like they don't say that exactly in churches, but there's this idea that you just you just stay on the ground and you just wallow around in the mud and you just keep praying and God's going to come and pull you out of the mud and you just lay you just lay there, and and if he doesn't, then you you end up like Maria, and you say, no, I'm losing my faith, like maybe there isn't a God

at all. That's kind of Maria, that's kind of what you're saying, right, Like if we were sitting in the cabin of the truck, you'd say, if I was going to dig into you think you're losing your faith. What you mean by that is, I think I'm I think I'm doubting that God exists. Right, So let's dive into that. Let's dive in if that's true at all? Could could God be on a delayed plane and he's coming to get you? Well, let me tell you this. God could do anything. But we see when we read the Bible,

which is our revealed God's word to us. That's how we know what God is saying to us in twenty twenty two is through the Bible. And so when we go through there and we see hundreds of examples of God encountering humans in some way, right, whether it's through a judge or a king, or an apostle or a prophet, or just a man or just a woman. God's call is always a call up, a call forward, a call that says stand up, dress for action. Like a man.

Let's go follow me, if you, if we, if we notice the hundreds and hundreds of commands in the Bible. It's always a call to action. It's a call to come, come, follow, do something. Activate. It's never Hey, I see you're laying there and you're you've got all these problems and I'm just gonna rescue you from the problems and make them all go away. That doesn't happen if you think that you're you're worshiping a different God, and if you're worshiping

a different God than that God doesn't exist. Or let me put this another way. Or Maria, you're looking at God as a genie in a bottle and you you rub on the lamp and you get three wishes, and God pops up and you say, I got three wishes. I want my knee, my my sister's hip replacement to be better, I need my blood cancer to be fine. And I'm also, oh, yeah, God, my third one is this knee replacement surgery three years ago is not doing

too well? How need you to fix that too? And so then God fixes it and then jumps back into the bottle and disappears nowhere in the Bible do we see anything like this? Can God heal yes? Do we pray for healing? Yes? But Maria, what are you doing? Are you just asking the genie? Are you in your word? Are you praying? What's your part in this besides laying

in the mud wallowing? Let me tell you something tough, love, Maria, I'm so glad you listened to this podcast, and we got to think, as you're listening right now, you have to consider because I'm sure these words are gonna be hurtful to you in a way, but you have to consider that maybe, just maybe you're supposed to be hearing this from somebody, right. Okay, So go with me down this path for a second and listen to what you

told me. Everything's wrong, everything's going wrong. Well, life has problems. We are stuck in a world that is broken, that has fallen, and we have tribulation. We have problems daily. In fact, the more we look, the more we find them. Now, you can't control that what's coming at you, these kind of problems, But what you can control is how you

react to them. It sounds like what you're saying is through this whole thing, is that you really just want to be the victim, the victim of so many problems. Your sister's hip replacement is not doing anything, your health is just failing. These doctors are idiots. The doctors are idiots. They you are having problems with your knee replacement surgery and they say nothing's wrong. What do they know? They're

not living through this pain, what do they know? Well, I mean, they did go to medical school for a lot of years. Are they just fraudulent? It sounds like you just want to be a victim, and Maria, I'm here to tell you on this podcast to stand up, to stand up and move forward. You're asking for a genie in the bottle and God's going I'll wait to you stand up. I'll wait. You think you're losing your faith? What are you doing with your faith? I've told so

many people on this podcast. Faith is a verb. It's not a noun, as if you could lose it, like it's like it's tangible in your hand, like a bag of marbles, and you lost your bag of marbles. Where to go? I don't know where I put it. I've slipped away and just now they're just going down the drain. As if faith is like that. Faith is instead a verb action. It's something you put in the work every day. Now, you don't ever work to please God. You don't ever

work to gain favor with God. You don't ever work for your salvation. That is clear. We are saved by grace through faith. But works, good works are a direct result of the faith. That's why James says in James two that faith without works is dead. What he means is, if you don't have good works, then how do you know that you have a saving faith that results in those works. It's a good indicator if you've got nothing going on, you're just laying in the mud. You're like,

I think my faith is dead. Well maybe it is. You know why, because you have zero to show for it. So what do you do? Get in the word? You get on your knees, You go God, God. I've been praying for healing, but I have never said anything that I'm thankful for God. I have breath today. I'm so thankful for this breath. I ate a meal today. There's people on this earth that don't get a meal. I

just ate a meal. I just drank clean water. You know how many people on this earth right now would love just a glass of clean water and you just got it out of your faucet. Maria, have you ever told God that, God, thank you for this water, this gift. Thank you for this clean air that I'm breathing. Thank you for this meal. God, you are holy, God, You're almighty. God. You woke me up this morning. I still have my sister. God,

I love my sister. Thank you for my sister. Thank you for these doctors that are diligently working for me and my sister, trying to find cures for us. Thank you for the schooling that they have gone through so that I could be healed in some way, shape or form it someday. God, you have done all this for me, and I'm so grateful and I'm going to dive into your word. I'm going to learn more about you. Oh by the way, God, some healing on this knee would

be great, But if you don't. If you don't heal this knee, then let me see what you're trying to show me through this pain. Open my eyes to what this kind of this kind of tribulation, what this adversity is doing to make me stronger for you. Let me see that God, you see what I mean. Maria, there's a difference, right, instead of yeah, I don't honest, I asked God to heal. He didn't heal. With that, I just think he doesn't exist. Sounds like you're a victim. What a way to start. I got a way off

on that one. Guys, I'm sorry. Let me just come and jump into the next one. No septic, come the next one, says Hey, Graandard like to stay anonymous here. I'm fourteen, living in a small town in California. I'm not allowed to date, but I have a friend who I have a crush on. We don't really talk, and I know that she recently went through a breakup, and I'm not sure if I should try to avoid her without being rude, or if I should try to get a little bit closer to her or just leave it.

I'm not allowed to have girls' phone numbers for the next year or so, but I don't know how to handle these feelings. The way I feel about her isn't from the way she looks, but I've seen some from her personality. She's very kind, but I'm not allowed to date until I move out. If you could give me some advice would be awesome. God bless Hey, anonymous to fourteen in California, thank you for emailing, And Hey, I

think that's really cool. I think you have some great parents that are your parents, legitimately love you and they want to protect you, and they want to prepare you for the world. And I think if they're telling you not to date, I think that that's a legitimate rule in your house that you should follow. And it sounds like you are, So kudos to that, buddy, and I'm happy that you're listening to the podcast. I think you're probably a great kid from what I get from this email.

And so that leads to a pretty decent question. You know, my parents said I can't date, but I have a crush on a girl. So how do I do it? What do I do with this? Like where do we go from here? It's a great question because what you can't suppress your feelings. You can't say I don't have a crush on her, and like some kind of mind jedi mind tricks going to make it just go away. And at the same time, I want to address something you asked here. You said, should I just try to

avoid her without being rude? No, I don't think that's the answer. I think you know what, I think. I think this is a great conversation to have with your mom and dad. I think it's like, hey, mom and Dad, you told me I can't date till I move out. I respect the house rules, and I understand that you make these kind of rules because you love me. I

have a crush on this girl. Can you guys give me some advice on what to do with this because I really like her and it's not based all on look of course, it's got to be a little bit on looks, buddy, but it's not based on looks. She has a great, sweet personality. Mom and Dad, where do we go from here? And it could so then they're like, well, how about we take we have some escorted group times, set the movies, or we go to eat dinner with your friends and her friends and me and your mom.

But maybe there's some kind of compromise in there. I don't think the compromise is just a void her like that's that probably could lead to bad things. In fact, I wouldn't do that, because you could. If you suppress it too much, you might just go crazy. And I think it's also it's as embarrassing as it might be it's a conversation you have with her. It's like, Hey, I'm really embarrassed to say this, but I really like you and I don't know what to do with it

because I'm not allowed to date. But maybe we could just talk and see where this goes, and maybe in a few years we could date. I mean, I just think being vulnerable and being honest like this is a good bet. It's a good safe bet, and it puts honesty out on the table, It puts integrity forefront, and you just you have these kind of open conversations instead of kind of disappear and she's like, man, what happened to my friend? He just gone? He just disappeared. And

then in a few years you're back all excited. So yeah, I have these conversations and have them soon. Next question, Subdecline says tragedy and feeling lost. Hey, grand your my name is Chad, thirty six years old. I'm from southern Ohio. First, I want to say I've only been listening for a week, but I love the podcast. I started back on your one hundredth episode and I've been listening as often as I can. Recently, through a friend, I was introduced to

a woman, and we instantly connected. This is a woman of God that I've been praying for my entire life. On October eighteenth, she was tragically passed away in a car accident, one week before her thirty first birthday. Because we lived two hours apart, we didn't get to have a first date because of scheduling issues. But we would talk on the phone for hours and hours. I'm talking five or six hours a night, and those conversations were primarily a Bible study that the two of us were

doing together. We would use the Bible app and read through various books and discuss them with each other. We were having the normal conversations and learning about each other, but a huge part of our relationship was centered around God. I fell in love with her instantly. Through conversations with our mutual friend, I found out that we were on the same page with how we felt about each other and that we were the answer to each other's prayers.

She loved Jesus so much and had a fire and her to serve others and spread the love of God to everyone. She was the love of my life. I couldn't wait to serve God with her hand in hand. What I'm really struggling with is how do I heal from this? I know that she would want me to continue to lean into God, but I cannot see where this plan is having her work. Where the plan is having her leave so many loved ones behind and taking her while she was actively recruiting more followers for God.

She leaves behind a seven year old daughter, and this added another level of anger for me. She was a warrior for God, and I feel so upset that she didn't get to have the marriage, more kids, and the family that she desired so much. She went through a lot of pain and abuse and past relationships, and she deserved to be loved unconditionally. I am angry, but I am not blaming God. How do I heal from losing the love of my life before we could make any

lasting memories together? Thank you for any advice you can give. God has loved Chad all right, Chad Man, I'm so sorry. That is a that is a tough, tough situation, and I'm sure you were just devastated, and I'm sure your heart broken, and I'm sure you lay in bed at night and think about her and what could have been. And I think there's probably a feeling that you have that you you know, you kind of go to the funeral and to everyone, to everyone at the funeral, you're

just another face mourning this girl. But only you know deep down that you were way more than just that. You're more than just a phase like you you were going to marry this girl, and you you kind of want to shout from the rooftops to everyone, like this girl loved me and I loved her. I loved her, but we have nothing to prove physically for it on this earth. I'm sure that's kind of part of it, right that you there was no declaration to the world about this girl, and so I have sympathy for you.

And it's a tough situation. But I want to dig in a little bit, okay, because that's what we do on this podcast. And if you email me, you kind of expect I'm gonna take and I'm gonna dig and I'm gonna twist a little bit. Okay. Now here's the thing. Here's the thing you signed off. God is love, which he is, but that's not his only attribute. He's also merciful, he's also just, he's also all knowing. He's also forgiving.

He's also Holy. Those are just a fraction of his attributes, but Holy really encompasses a lot meaning Almighty in the beginning in the end, he is everything, all planning, all knowing, all preparing. There is nothing that slips past him. There's nothing that he doesn't know. There's nothing that he doesn't work for good. There's nothing that he doesn't work for love, not in a way we define good, not in a way that we define love. Right, he defines it. He is it. So then we define our good and our

love based on his glory. Now that's hard to totally understand, but it puts us on a track where we know I don't get to define love, I don't get to define good. And that's how that's the lens we look to the world with. We define it the way the Bible does. So here's where I want to dig on you. You're speaking, you're speaking in terms first of all that sounds like God didn't know this was going to happen, or God planned it and it wasn't right, and you

can't see how it was right. You're also looking at it, and I see this so many times in these emails. You're looking at life through a lens that our earthly presence is who we are, and it's not true if you're a believer. Well, no matter who you are, and let me put it that way. This life we live on Earth, in this flesh, and this body is a tiny blip, a tiny breath, a tiny vapor compared to our eternal life that we're going to have after this. Now we go to one or two locations after this,

but we all have eternal life. So you're looking at this as as though she had everything to do on this planet Earth in her lifetime and now that's just ruined, as if she didn't go home. That's what that's the whole thing you missed in this email is that she went home like you said. You said she was a warrior for God, and I feel upset that she didn't get to have the marriage, more kids in the family

that she desired. She went through a lot of pain and abuse and past relationships, and she deserved to be loved unconditionally. What you didn't say was but now she's home. She's home. None of that matters at all. Mission accomplished, race finished, She is with her Creator, she is with the Lord. If she was a believer, she is home. There is nothing bothering her. There is no regrets, there is no problems, there is no no position that she missed out on at all. Like if she's home, she

was here briefly and now she is home. That's that's you miss that in your whole email. Okay, So that's that's that. That's her. Okay, Now we shift to you. Let's talk about you for a second. You're looking at this whole situation as if now I'm putting words to this, but you're looking at it as if she was the perfect girl for you that God planned and then God messed it up. What in the world did he do that for? He set you up with this perfect girl that was supposed to be the love of your life,

and then this happened. What a wreck, what a mess, what an accident? And that's not what happened. Why how do I know that? Well, the Bible says God is all knowing, all planning, all purposeful, You sovereign over everything. So let me just say this lightly to you out of love. She was not the love of your life. How would I possibly know that because she's gone because you didn't marry her. So the reality of that tells me the reality of what your future is. There's somebody else.

There is somebody else for you that could be blowing your mind right now if you've never thought about it. But there's somebody else for you that is the one love of your life. So instead of asking why, God, why why'd you do this? Why? Why God? Why the perfect situation? Why did you do this? Instead of saying that, move it to what what are you trying to show me? God? What did you show me through her that I need to know for the one you have prepared for me? Next?

Have you thought about that? We have to think eternal minded, not earthly minded, not finite minded. Think big, think bigger, think long term. Okay, that's where we got to go. Chat. We'll take a break and be right back. Well, my brand new album moon Rise is available right now. You could stream it, you could buy it. You could listen to it on YouTube wherever you love to find and stream and by music wherever that might be. Moon Rise

is out. I would love for you to go and listen to it and let me know which songs you like the best. That helps me as I'm building my set list and building my concerts for twenty twenty three. Also The new movie moon Rise, which the album is four, comes out December fifteenth on Pureflix. I don't know if you remember, you guys that were watching this podcast back about eight months ago when I had a beard and I was doing the podcast with the beard. It was

it was for making this movie called moon Rise. And now it's all finished and I get to see it, you know, come to Fruition with all the music and everything together. So I'm just excited for you guys to consume this and let me know what you think of the movie and the songs for the movie altogether. It's just a really exciting time in our family's life. And ultimately,

I just hope it gives you enjoyment. I hope it adds value to your life in some way as a distraction, a much needed distraction, or a release in some way, to something to lift you emotionally. As an artist, that's all we could ever hope for. You know, this is my eleventh album, and as I step away from all of it, it's the things that were most meaningful to people, that added value to their lives. That's what's long lasting for me over the last twenty years of making albums.

So I hope it becomes part of the thread of your life and whatever you're doing this holiday season. I hope that Moonrise, the album, and the movie is all part of it. Back to the podcast. Welcome back to the podcast. Let's get to another question here. Subject line on this one says sex before marriage. Good morning, Grangeer. My name is Andres from Mansfield, Texas. Loved you and your amazing family and your fire and your pursuit of God has definitely helped me, and it's definitely helping me

in so many ways. My question is, is sex before marriage okay if you know you want to marry the woman you're with. My girlfriend and I are both followers of Christ, and I've into and have intimate, faith filled talks about this subject, and we find ourselves starting up each other's engines and not stepping on the gas good analogy. I don't think it fair on my end to do

that to her, even though it's mutual. But I also don't want her to feel like I don't want her in that way and lose the fire we do fire. I think I think I'm tracking with you here. I love and deeply respect her very much, but putting God before my own needs is why I'm asking this question. Thank you for listening, and sorry for not keeping it short. Can't wait for your next sermon. Ye yee, all right

andres thanks for the question, buddy. So sometimes on these questions, I just roll with an opinion, Like if you say, I'm thinking about moving to Tennessee, or I'm thinking about changing jobs, or we're trying to save some money, and how could we collect our finances, you know whatever, that's all. I'm gonna give you my educated guests, my opinions. But when it comes to something like this, I don't have to guess. I don't have to give you an opinion.

I just tell you straight out of the Bible. No, you're not gonna have sex before marriage. Why what is that your opinion, Granger, No, it's not my opinion, it's just what the Bible says. Thank goodness, I don't have to rely on opinion on something that's really sensitive like this. So here's the deal, you say, I mean, I can make this super simple. I could talk for ten minutes about this, or I could talk for twenty seconds. But you say, is it okay to have sex before marriage?

If you know that you want to marry the woman you're with. Let me flip that around for you and rephrase the question, dear granger, if I know the woman I'm going to marry, then why have I not married her yet? That's it? Why have you not married Andre's? If you know she's the one you're gonna be with and you're struggling with desire and lust, what are you waiting on? It's as simple as that, I mean, is it?

Don't Please don't tell me you're waiting like on a venue or they're trying to book the nice little whatever venue to get married, or she's got to have the perfect dress. I think that's so that's such a modern day thing as having this elaborate wedding. I'm just totally

throwing that out there. Maybe that's not it at all, Maybe it's something totally different, but I'm just asking you, Andre's, if she's the one, then get married and then that intimate relationship gets so much more special when you give her that gift. That's a gift that you're giving her and she's giving you back. That's a gift of waiting, and it makes it so much more special. And if you're having problems with that now, then you either rush that date and get it here soon, or really you

need to restrict the time that you're around her. I can go through every other podcast email I get with problems. If you don't listen to my advice, their problems come. Okay, problems in some way, shape or form happen if you don't take this advice. There's a million problems that could happen if you don't take this advice. Thank goodness, I'm not the one giving it. The Bible does. The Bible doesn't do it because it's handcuffing, restricting us, giving us

these awkward rules that just go against our flesh. It's doing it. It's giving us these rules for our own good, so that we could thrive, so that we could prosper, so we could benefit from it. Why because the creator made the rules that also made us so. It's like the instruction manual that comes with us. It's like if I get a if I get a Ford truck from the factory, and I drive the Ford around and I go, man, this is a gas truck. But I wonder if I

could put diesel in it. I wonder, I mean, it would be so much more convenient just to put diesel in it. Because my tractor's diesel and my wife's car is diesel. So if I could just put diesel in this truck, it would really solve some problems. And I could only I can only get gas cans that have diesel in it. That would make it my life easier. So I'm just gonna do diesel. So you email Ford and Ford's like, no, put gasoline in it. So at

what point do you go? All right? Ford? I know that you said I need to put gas in it, and you made me, and you made the vehicle, you know whatever. So I'm just gonna go against what you said. I'm gonna go ahead and put diesel in it, and then the whole engine ruins. You get my point. I mean that's elaborate, but that's my point. Andre's just wait for a thousand reasons. Just wait. Next question, subject line A Timeline advice question. Hey Grangeur, I'd like to remain anonymous.

I've been listening for a while now, just wanted to get your advice on something. My brother is currently going through a miscarriage and I was wondering what is your advice to help him and his wife get through this. They have two kids right now. By the way, I'm a huge fan, have been following you since you were since about twenty eleven. I think my question for you is this, Thank you very much. I hope to meet

you very soon. Waned up up here in Buffalo, New York. Well, thank you anonymous, and I hope to meet you too in Buffalo. Thanks for the question, Thanks for listening. And miscarriages are tough. Amber and I had one right before math, after riv and before math. And if your question you said your brother, the question is for the brother, and so from that perspective, from the male perspective, I could understand, and I would say this to him if I were you,

Just be there for her whatever she needs. As guys, we can't possibly understand what a miscarriage means emotionally, physically, spiritually, we don't. We can't possibly understand as a dad, as a husband, and so the best thing we could do is just be whatever they need. I'm here for you. I'm not going to ignore the situation. They might take it pretty bad, like a lot of women take this very bad. And so with the two other kids I

was in that situation. We had two other kids, and our kids our kids knew that we were pregnant, so we knew that we were going to try again after the miscarriage, and we didn't want to tell them at the time that we weren't pregnant because we didn't want to break their heart again. Because of that, we hid the miscarriage from them, which was difficult because it's very painful and was spending long amounts of time just cramping in the bathroom, just laying on the floor. You're basically

having a pregnancy. And so my job in that situation was distract the kids, keep them away, keep their spirits lifted. Also being there for Amber. What she needs. She needed ice, water, she needs another towel, you know, whatever she needed, just there, just there to talk, just there emotionally for her. So I will say the healer in this that I've seen is time, just time. Just gotta let some time go by. And it's never going to go away for her completely, but you just got to let some time go by.

It's never gonna be easy right now. You're not gonna get a quick fix out of this. Be there for her. Let's hit another one here, subject line, how to be more outgoing? Hey Gradumin Kyle I'm twenty two, two years old. I'm a farmer from northwest Iowa. I love the podcast. I listen to it on the tractor a lot. I'm a pretty shy person around people I don't know very well, and I'm pretty sure that's why I've only ever been

in one relationship. I don't get out a whole lot, and that worries me because I know a woman isn't just going to walk onto the farm one day and want to get married. When I do go out, I never work up the courage to go and talk to a girl that I find good looking. I don't know what to say without being weird, and I get too nervous and just watch it slip through my fingers. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks Kyle, Kyle, thanks for

the email, Buddy, appreciate you. I hear you. I'm listening shout out to Iowa. And let me say before I start answering your question, Kyle, let me say, girls, listen up. Girls. You know how many times we have girls that say there's no good guys out there, There's only bad guys. There's only bad boys, and everyone wants to just party and hit on me and say say bad pickup lines to me. But the good guys never, they never aren't they never are attracted to me. Good guys never come

and talk to me. It must be me. I must be unattractive. So are you here and Kyle, because this happens. And for every guy that you don't like, or for every guy that you don't think talks to you, girl, there's a Kyle out there that's shy, that's a farmer that doesn't get socialized too much because he's on the tractor. And by the way, Kyle, thank you for your service providing food on our table so that we could have

great food. But girls, there's a guy like Kyle out there that's in the corner and he's too shy because he's been on the tractor all day and it doesn't really know and he doesn't know what to say that you might like. Maybe he grew up like me with brothers. I have no idea. I had no ideas as a teenager in my young twenties. I had no idea what a girl wanted to hear or what a girl liked.

I grew up with brothers. I had no clue. So I just wanted to show here girls that there's guys like Kyle that every once in a while you might have to go and be like, Hey, I'm Amanda, what's your name. I've seen you in here a couple of times. What's your name? Can I buy you a drink? If that's what you do? And then that helps take the pressure off Kyle. So there's that, and then Kyle back to you, buddy, I just want to say, first of all,

there's no rush, there's no urgency, there's no problem. But that being said, I recognize that you see it as a problem, and I don't think it's bad that you do. You know, I'm gonna sit with you for a second with and acknowledge that that's a legitimate idea that you have. That maybe I'm just gonna be an old man on this farm and never meet a girl, because what's it gonna take for a girl to walk up on this farm?

Like am I gonna be literally on the tractor and a girl just comes walking through the field and I love her and we get married. These are the thoughts that you're having. These are the thoughts that keep you up at night. But we look back in humanity for thousands of years it has just worked out Somehow do you ever think about whenever you hear like a story about like a crazy snow leopard or something, and there's only a few snow leopards in the whole region, and

somehow these snow leopards find each other. You know, It's like, how does this female snow leopard find this male snow leopard over the course of two hundred square miles and somehow they just walk up on each other one day or smell each other from a couple miles away. How does that work? Humans are the same thing. We somehow just find each other. How do you do it? Well? You keep your eyes open, which they are. And the good thing to do is just be asking friends, Like

friends could recommend girls to you. Friends have sisters, and sisters have friends, and bridesmaids have friends, and this big circuit goes out, and hey, man, I've been to Iowa many times. There's a lot of pretty girls in Iowa. So you're in a great place for that. I love Iowa. By the way. I think me and Amber, if we weren't living in Texas and we didn't have family in Texas, maybe we'd go get us a white house with a red barn and farms some corn in Iowa or something

like that. But man, I'm here just to reinforce that. First of all, I understand what you're feeling. And second of all, you're twenty two. Man, You're totally good. Be single, content, don't be looking for it. Go to church, sing a hymn, sing your heart out, praise God, and somebody will walk up in your life. Maybe not physically on the farm, but they will. I guarantee you, Kyle, I will bet anything.

Then in ten years you email me back. In ten years, you're going to have a baby mama with two kids and a big old gold ring on your finger, and you're gonna be happily married. Let's jump into another one. This one subject line says leaving home behind. Hey, Grangdred like to stay anonymous. I moved to Texas about six years ago. I love Texas, but I have the feeling

that God is leading me to a different state. Recently, after having that feeling, a bunch of my old friends in Alabama messaged me that I haven't talked to in years. We all started talking as if we never left, and I also began thinking about moving back. The thing is that the majority of my family is here in Texas, and I know I'll miss him, but I want to start my own life and see where God leaves me. But I'm scared of leaving my family. Love your music

and your podcast. Thanks Anonymous, Appreciate you. Brother. I want to say, I don't think this is God talking to you here. I think you just have a little wild hair, you have a little gypsy soul, little bit. It sounds like you moved to Texas six years ago from Alabama. Right, I'm filling in the blanks here. You probably moved from Alabama and you just miss it and you haven't really made friends in Texas that have the deep bond that

you had with your friends in Alabama. Totally understandable. Nothing wrong with that, nothing out of the ordinary. Now you have family here in Texas and that's holding you back. Nothing out of the ordinary for that either. I don't think God has anything well, God has everything to do with everything, but in this specific situation, I think you're putting pressure on this like God is mysteriously leading you on this mysterious path back to Alabama, and I think

it's just not that spiritual. I think this is like well, I just miss my friends. So here's the thing I would say. Here's what I would say. You could just go and visit Alabama and spend spend a week there with your friends. And when you're there, I don't know how old you are, I don't know what you've got going on. I'd so you spend a week there, and you talk to some people about jobs. You talk to some people about a living situation, check out the town.

You talk to your friends about what it would be like to move back there. You weigh your options, do some math, see what it would cost, see how hard it would be to move, Talk to your family, see what they say. Okay, so then say, some of this stuff lines up right, What if you did this? What if you went for a summer and so, I'm going to go for two months and stay with my buddies in Alabama. One of them's got a part time job

I can jump on, make a little cash. I'm gonna sleep on my buddy's couch, and I'm gonna see how it is. You're not married to the idea. You're not signing a five month mortgage or something crazy. You're just going and sleeping on a couch and hanging out seeing If Alabama suits you again, that's what you do. Take it in small steps. Then in sixty days one or two things are gonna happen. You're gonna go. I love it here. I could visit my family anytime. But I

love my friends, I love Alabama. I've got a good lined up, a really good job, and a good place to stay. Or two. The other option is man I stayed in sixty days in Alabama. I just missed my family too much. I got to be back around him again. I can't be away this long and then you know done. You don't have to over spiritualize. It's just trial and error. There's nothing wrong. You don't have to make a full time commitment. Let's grab another one here, subject line lost child,

Could you help. My name is Brett Senyored. My wife and I lost our six year old son in an ATV accident about a month ago. My wife and I are both God fearing Christians that love the Lord. We have trusted God to carry us through and guide our path to align with His will. I love that, by the way, good wording. After a month, it is still so hard every day with reminders everywhere of our son, we know that we must remain strong for our son, who is two years old. How did you guys cope

in the months after y'all's loss. Any insight would be helpful. Thanks Brett, Brett, I am so so sorry about this. There's only there's only one thing I loved how you worded your email. There's only one word I don't like, and I want to encourage you with a word. Okay, you use the word accident. But if you say you and your wife are both God freeing Christians and love the Lord, which I believe that you do, and you trust God to carry through and align your past to

his will, which I believe. Your sin saying that if you believe all that, then there is no accidents. There is no accidents, There is only God's purpose. I want you to chew on that. That's hard, it's hard to digest. But I want you to chew on that, meditate on that idea that there are no accidents, because that helps open things up for you a little bit. Because if you think accident, you think like spilled milk, Like, oh no, I just spilled the milk, then it's everywhere. I got

to clean it up. It's a wreckin here. I want you to think more in terms of this was a calculated purpose. It first, that idea stings because you go, what purpose is this? This is a terrible purpose. And I get it. I would hear you and say, yeah, I get it. I get it. But at the end of the day, it's a lot more comforting knowing I have a God that has everything in his hands and

nothing slips asked him. There are no accidents, there's nothing that he couldn't stop, there's nothing that he just Oh, I loved your son, but I just I couldn't stop him, or I didn't know it was coming. That's just that that that is way more haunting of an idea instead of wrestling with the thought that God had everything under control in this situation, and if he did, what does that mean for me? Because it's great news for my son. Because we don't think about, oh, he could have been

a senior prompt. Remember the question I read earlier about this the girl that died, and I read that question in the same episode, right, So it's the same idea that we don't mourn for the girl, we don't mourn for your son. It's in terms of, oh, he could have been running track or he could. This would have been his eighteenth birthday. He would have loved it. He deserved to have an eighteenth birthday party. No, no, he's with it. He's with his creator. He's in the glory

right now. So he's good. He doesn't deserve anything else because he has it all. He's got everything fulfilled perfectly right now. It's us. We're the problem. We're the ones that have to deal with the pain. So we need to look at ourselves right in this situation, not him. We don't mourn because he's missing out. We don't mourn because the girl didn't get her family that she deserved. We don't think of it in that way. We think

about it. Okay, what do we need to do. If this was a purpose, then what is our role in this purpose? What is this showing me? What does this mean for your two year old son that's still here? What purpose does he have? And God, what are you showing us in this so that we could be better, so that our family could be closer? Okay, that's fixing the word accident. I don't like the word accident. Now here's the thing directly answering your question. You said after

a month. That's still so hard, every day with reminders everywhere of our son. How did you guys cope in the months after y'all's loss. Let me be blunt, badly, badly. That's how we coped. We stumbled, we fell, We mourned, we cried, We soaked our pillows with tears. We fumbled words and mumbled through conversations and daydreamed and got woken

up with nightmares in the middle of the night. But we relied on every breath, the next one and the next one, and a minute would go by, and then an hour would go by, and then I would string together five hours and that was an accomplishment. And then the sun would go down and would come back up the next morning, another day come and god, and then it did that thirty times, and it was a month,

and then two months. And if those intervals got too hard, we went breath by breath, And if a breath by breath was too hard, then we went heartbeat by heartbeat. It's like, I can't, I can't do it. I can't. I can't even survive one more breath, So I'll survive a heartbeat. Aim Low, No, you don't have to be the hero here. You don't have to. You know, you're not trying to accomplish anything. There's no merits or trophies

given for how quickly can you get over grief? How good can you how fast can you get to good? There's no trophy for that, There's there's no time frame. So how did we cope? We relied on God? How do you do that? We stayed on our knees, prayed, read our Bibles together, cry it together. Sometimes Amber would be good and I was bad. Sometimes I'd be good, Amber was bad, and that could change like the wind. But here's the thing. My first month is going to

be awful. So is the second. You get a little breathing room on month six, maybe month seven, Hey, it's not too bad. Month eight, back at square one, it's terrible again. Month nine seeing some light, and then all of a sudden, halfway through month nine you have a terrible day. It's a roller coaster. Grief comes in waves. You're in the trough, you're in the crest. You're in the trough, you're in the crest. Then you start recognizing, oh, I'm going back up, I'm going back to the crest.

And then when you're on the crest. You know, hey, I better enjoy this crest right now because it might last five minutes or five days, but I'm going to be back in the trough and I'm gonna feel like there's nothing I could do. The world is ending, the walls are closing in the sky is falling. But then you know, because you've done it, and you've been in the wave before, you know when you're in the trough, you know eventually I'm going back up to the crest,

because that's what the wave does. So you ride it and then you hit that one year mark boom. You've been looking at it so long, and you go through the holidays and Thanksgiving, Christmas, you do things like Easter, and you're missing your little boy. But then you string together another year. Then you put together another year and it does get easier. The grief doesn't go away, the sadness doesn't go away, but you just learn how to get used to it. It becomes a part of you

and it doesn't wear you down. Instead, you use it as your power. What do you think I'm doing right now? It's what I'm exactly what I'm doing. I'm talking. I'm using that pain that has lived with me for almost four years now and then losing my dad add another eight years to that. I'm using that pain for you. That's why I'm sitting here doing this podcast. It's why I could smell. I could literally smell Amber's dinner that

she made downstairs. I'm so excited to eat dinner. But I'm finishing this question with you because I'm using this pain for you. And one day you will do that. That's what you'll do one day and you'll stop asking God, why, why? Why the accident, and you'll say, what in your purpose do I need to see in your glory? Love you guys, love your questions. We'll see you next Monday. Ye. Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all of you. Guys. You could help me out by rating

this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a question for me that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Ye.