#145 Stop coddling. Suck it up.

many episodes in a row, binging it. Thank you wherever you're coming from. Thank you. I love doing this. It's one of my favorite things to do. I answer your questions. You email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com, and we walk through it like two friends in a cab of a pickup truck. You say, hey, man, I got something I want to talk to you about, and we just unpack it. So, in no order, with no notes on the desk, I'm gonna start with the first one.

Sept Decline says question. Question says my fiance has become distant to the point we barely talk to each other for maybe an hour a week. She says that she's busy. I know her schedule, and I don't understand how I've talked to her parents and they told me that she's been hanging out with her friends and lying to me. She seems to be a whole different person than before we got engaged. What should I do in this situation. I've tried to talk to her about it, but never

get anywhere. A question comes from Garrett, and Garrett, thanks for emailing, buddy. I this is what I think I would always tell someone in a marriage if they're struggling, to fight for your marriage and to do everything you can to keep the marriage. And I don't say the same thing about dating and engagements because I think that this engagement period is a really good time for you

to see who it is that you're marrying. This is not advice that you're going to want to hear, because I'm sure you love her to death and that's why you emailed. But I want to point out to you, just as a friend, that the fact that she is lying to you and going places other than what she's telling you is a lack of trust. It's really difficult, right now in this engagement to put up with, because that's something that's probably not going to stop in the marriage.

So if you're engaged and she's lying to you and going places, and even her own parents are calling her out on that, it's not a good sign. As a friend, I would tell you, Garrett, I think it's time to take a break, and I would go to her and say, hey, I love you, I'm crazy about you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. That's why

we're engaged, that's why I propose to you. But I don't know if us being dishonest with each other right now is something that we need to keep moving forward with in this relationship, or if it's something we need to pull back, hit the brakes a bit and take a break. So I'm suggesting that we separate for a little bit and let some air breathe in this relationship. I'm not saying you have to dumper or move on forever.

I'm just saying maybe time to pump the brakes on the engagement, like slow down that date coming up on the wedding, right this is not a good sign. It's a really big red flag that she's lying to you about where she's going, and I would say the same thing about her being so distant and being a different person. The last thing I'll say is make sure that when you're talking about her being dishonest and her being distant, make sure that you're taking accountability for yourself too, because

it takes two in this relationship. And make sure that you're not being the nagger or the one that's calling her out all the time. Make sure you're also looking at yourself. What are you doing? Don't you can't be a hypocrite in the situation and you're doing the same thing. Are you being distant? Maybe not, but just make sure that you're turning the lens around at yourself at the same time. It's really important, But I think I think this is a bad sign in time to take a break.

Next question says Hey Granger. My name is Maddie. I'm from Montana. My husband had a deployment a bit ago, and when he came back, feelings have never been quite the same as he as they were whenever he left. It's almost like there's no emotional connection anymore. We've been fighting. We've been together for almost two years. Narrow now, not sure how to go about things. Hope this reaches your grangeer love your podcast, and they've really helped me through

my husband's deployment. Okay, So Maddie, so this is this is the scenario different than the last question because why because you're married. So I'm always gonna say on this podcast to fight for your marriage. That doesn't always mean it's gonna work, but you have to fight for it, tooth and nail with everything you have. You fight for this and so that's what I'm gonna tell you, Mattie.

So he comes back from the deployment and you think that it hasn't felt the same, and I would say to you, yeah, he just got back from a deployment. It shouldn't feel the same. He has seen things done, things been around, things, been separated from the real world and you for a long time, so we could all expect him to be different. Now, this is something that you sign up for when you marry someone that's in the armed forces. That doesn't mean he's a bad person.

It doesn't mean this is a bad marriage. Right, So my suggestion is poor into him. You don't just like I said to the last question, you don't nag him. You don't. You don't sit him down and say you're different now, you're You're just not the same person. You never give me attention anymore? What's wrong with me? Do you not love me anymore? Avoid those kind of conversations. Instead, serve him, pour into him. It's hard to do that,

I would say that in the reverse gender roles. But pour into him and just say, babe, what what could I do? What could I do to make your day a little bit better? And don't don't demand anything. Lower your expectations of him in the marriage right now now, This is not This is not a long term plan for you lowering your expectations. It is a long term plan for serving him. Uh And and he should be

able to serve back. He should reciprocate when he's when he starts feeling that love again and his tank gets full. But right now his tank is empty, and he's searching. He's searching for himself, he's searching for this relationship. He's seen some things. He doesn't know who he is anymore. So remind him through love, not criticism, not nagging. Remind him who he is and who y'all are as a relationship with loving him, pouring into him, make him his

favorite meal. Don't nag him when he's When you make his favorite meal and he's on the couch and he acts indifferent about it. He just wants to sit there and look at his phone. Don't nag him about it. It's hard to do this. It's much easier for me to tell you than it is for you to do it. But you make that meal and you get everything prepared,

and this is his favorite meal. And he's sitting on the couch and he's looking at his phone and he's just solemn, and you go, babe, it's ready, and he's like, I'm not hungry. Don't nag him at that point. Don't tell him about how hard it was for you to make it, because guess what, he knows. He's human, he knows deep down. So just go, hey, I'm gonna put some foil on top of this, and I'm going to put it in the fridge. If you want me to reheat it for you, I can. But otherwise, you do

your thing. It's here for you. Is there anything else I could do for you tonight? Now? Can you imagine if that's if you just pour it into him like that daily, it's gonna take a lot of effort, but that's what it is. You know, a relationship is work. I would say to this, I would say this, we thank him for his service for our country, and we equally thank you for your service to our country by

serving him in this way. Because because it can't be lost in this situation that the spouses of these military men and women that come back from deployment, what this spouses go through is like war in a way. It's a relationship war, and you're gonna wage it with love. So pour into him and you are serving your country in that way, and you can get him back. You could bring him back, you could do it, or you can run him away. So many of these situations end

in divorce. I know many of them. I've read many of them. I get many of them emailing the podcast. Many times it ends in divorce because the spouse can understand. They can't understand why they're not still the same person because they expected them to. They have really high expectations for the spouse because they flip through Instagram and they see these couples kissing on Instagram and holding each other and saying, here's my ride or die. I love this

person with all my heart. And you see that on Instagram and you go, that's not me. My husband doesn't give me the time of day. So you could either buy into that lie that social media is telling you and your friends, and you see all your friends are happy, it seems like, but everybody's struggling in some way. Maddy, pour into him. I'm so sorry you're in this, but this is my friendly suggestion to you. Let's hit another

one here, this one. The subject line says tattoos Biblical question mark, Hey Grangeer, how do you feel about tattoos from a biblical standpoint? I have tattoos prior to being in a real relationship with Jesus. I consistently read my Bible, and I was baptized at birth based on Scripture Deuteronomy and Leviticus. I find myself struggling with the fact that I have them, and I still think about getting more minor scripture for my own children. I would love to

hear your thoughts and feelings. Thank you for sharing the Lord's word, your encouragement, and your music. Ee A question comes from Casey Joe and Pensacola, Florida. Shout out to Florida Pensacola. Thank you for the question. It's a great question. So what we have to know in the Old Testament in the law when we're talking Deuteronomy and Leviticus, we're talking mosaic law. In the Old Testament, there is three kinds of laws, and we have to understand the three

kinds of laws. We have moral law, we have civil law, and we have ceremonial law. All three laws are very different and they're all included in the Old Testament. So we have to look at this. So, so first we have moral law. Don't kill, don't come in adultry, don't steal, don't lie by your parents. Okay, all those laws are the moral laws, and they transcend all cultures, all time, all everything. Right, we still abide by those today, whether

or not we're a believer or not. Those laws are written on our hearts, right, Like that's what Jesus says, I'm gonna write the law on your heart. And so whether or not you're a Christian or not or any religion, these laws are written on your heart because you're a human and you're born with this idea that I better not lie. That's going to get me in trouble. I better or not murder. I should probably not covet that. These are the moral laws that stand throughout time. Then

there's the civil laws. Right, civil law for instance, right now, a civil law for us is don't speed. We have speed limits. They are set in place by society. These are civil laws for us to follow. So don't speed now a thousand year So say two thousand years from now, when when cars are maybe flying or driving themselves and there is no speed limit, say right, we could look back two thousand years from now and go, should we

still follow that law that says we shouldn't speed. Well, it's like, no, that was a civil law for twenty twenty two. It doesn't apply. So you could find a lot hundreds of those kind of laws that you go, ah, that's weird, Like a man shouldn't have long hair. Well, we have to understand that in that time, in that civilization, that would represent something different, so you shouldn't do it.

That's where tattoos come in. That's where tattoos fall. And before I get to that, there are ceremonial laws, and so that's the ceremony of that religion at the time calls for certain things, sacrificing the first born lamb. Right, we don't do that anymore. That's not a law that applies to us anymore. We don't sacrifice lambs right now, that's a ceremonial law. So that's obvious that we don't do that. So civil is the same way. Now, there's there's some that still apply, but for the most part,

tattoos fall under that. So tattoos at the time directly represented the pagan culture. So it's like you do that, you get a tattoo, you mark your body, and you are representing a pagan culture. That's who you that's who you are associating with if you do that. So don't do it, Okay, So we don't have that now, that's it's not you don't look at a tattoo, now go definitely a pagan unless you see pagan marking. I get it. But at the same time, at the same time, Casey Joe,

I'm with you. I'm with you on the same thing. I got tattoos before my massive rebirth into Christianity and I haven't had one since then. And like you, mine represent my children. So where do we go from here? Where do where do we go with all of this information that I just put on the table. At this point, I would not mark your body unless it was something that was was eternally changing inside you, Like I have to.

I'm going to put this on my body because it's going to represent something that that that I believe wholeheartedly, and it's a conversation starter with with a stranger maybe something like that. But but even even then, that's kind of iffy, Like I don't know that. Here's here's an example for me. I have my my three kids on the inside of my left arm. They're birthdays, but I don't have Maverick. He's my latest and I wasn't expecting to have Maverick. He wasn't expected. We weren't supposed to

have four children. God has that plan, not me. That's a different story. But so I'm like, okay, well I kind of have to get I have to get Maverick's birthday on my arm, like that's it's one day He's going to go, Dad, why didn't you? Why didn't you ever get my birthday? You got the other three kids, you didn't get mine, And I have to I could say, well, I don't believe I should you know, mark my body, or I could be like Maverick, I had to get your birthday on here. But other than that, I don't.

I don't feel the need to go get any more. Does that make sense? That's kind of the way that I'm unpacking it here, and we can go way deeper on it. But the main thing is we have to understand when we read the Old Testament to three different kinds of laws moral, civil, ceremonial, and we have to

be able to separate them and know the difference. Okay, By the way New Testament, Jesus he fulfilled the law, and he said I could, I could basically sum up the ten commandments for you in one commandment, love the Lord your God, and love others like yourself, like one sentence. There it is. It's all. It's all wrapped up in one Okay. Next question, subject line says new to fatherhood. Hey grand your my name is Andrew. I first want to say thank you for all the wisdom you share

on this podcast. My question for you is a bit of a two part question. The first is how did you know you were ready to be a dad? And the second one is if you can go back in time, what would be one piece of advice you would give yourself in the past when you first found out you're going to be a father again. Thank you for all you do. Andrew from Virginia shout out to Virginia, great state. Man. Andrew sounds like well, I don't no. It sounds like

you may maybe you're expecting or maybe not. But anyway, exciting time for you. Brother. Thanks for the email. And I would say this, here's how I would answer your first part of your question, how do you know you're ready to be a dad? Let's say two things, okay, One, you're married. Two, you love Jesus with all your heart. That's me. Those are my two answers to how do you know you're ready? You're married and you love Jesus with all your heart. Everything else, just trust him, just

surrender it to him. God. If you want me to be a dad, if you want us to have a family, if you want to bless us in that way, I've got my arms open, my palms are up, I have no clenched fists with this situation. If you want to bless us with this, we're ready. And notice that I didn't say anything about saving up a certain amount of money in the bank account, making sure you're living next to a really nicellingment entry school. Make sure you got

your job, your dream job wrapped up. Notice I didn't say any of that because there are great children that grow up in the dirt. But we have this expectation now that we need to have a certain amount of money, we need to have a certain amount of schooling, we need to start prepping for college savings, and we need to we need to have the right job. And we got to have a baby's room, you know, in the house. I just don't. I don't. I don't think we put

way too much importance on that stuff. We make that a big priority when we should really just open our hands and say, God, when you're ready for us to have a baby, we'll take it. And if not lead us to adoption, lead us to fostering, and if not any of that lead us to teaching children in another way, let us be able to contribute to society in that kind of way. But it's just, Andrew, It's just that's my simplest answer. And I believe with all my heart

those two things. Married believe in Jesus and with all your heart faith in Jesus. If you have those two things, you're ready. You're ready, whether you like it or not. And I love the way that fatherhood happens in such slow phases. Like you find out you're pregnant, and you got nine months to get ready, and then when the baby's born, you got a year until they're super mobile, maybe six months like Maverick. Then you have two years before the terrible twos, and then you got six years

before you got to start thinking about kindergarten. And it's just everything is staggered out at the perfect pace so that as a dad, all you really have to do is be a little bit ahead of the kid to be ready for whenever they get to that stage in their life. So you don't right now. You don't have to be ready for a teenager. You don't have to be ready to send a kid off to college or whatever. You don't have to do that. You just need to be ready for your wife to be pregnant. That's all

you have to do right now. One step ahead is all you need be. It's in fact, it's impossible to say, oh no, it's a girl, she's gonna start dating, like well, you don't have to think about that for like for London's case, twenty seven years. Second part of your question says, what advice would you give yourself if you can go back in time? Andrew? What's crazy? Is I just I try to live a life without regrets. I've made so many mistakes in my life. I've learned the hard way

and so many things through the mistakes. And take those mistakes away, and our life is like a game of djinga and you start pulling blocks out of the bottom, things that you shouldn't have done. So take this blockout. You wish you could have done this. Better, take this block out. Then you get really raggedy as your tower starts getting taller. Right, because because your mistakes or become

the foundation that makes you who you are. So if I go back to myself and I say, hey, before you have be sure that you're doing these things, because if you don't, you're gonna be in trouble. Well it's like, well, if I hadn't learned from those mistakes that I fell into, then I would be half the dad now because I wouldn't have learned anything. I wouldn't have grown from that.

I wouldn't have gone man, oh that was bad. I wish I would have done this and because how do I know that I would have ever learned that ever if the mistake hadn't happened. So that's a very roundabout way to answer your second part of your question. But I don't want to go back. I just want to go back and just say, enjoy it, man, enjoy every moment.

Soak up every moment, take the pictures, take the videos, love them, hold them, put them down, read books to them, kiss them in the morning, go to work, go on a trip, say goodbye, come back in seven days missing them so bad, and you get back in the house and you run and you grab them and you hold them. I would say, just just ok it up, be in the moment, be present. I'll take a break and be

right back. Thank you for listening to the podcast. If you want to sport your EEE apparel to support this podcast, go to EEE dot com. We always have new gear for you to support the lifestyle that's all about faith, family, and the outdoors. If you ever wonder what EEE means, it means live life to the fullest. If you've made it this far in this podcast, if you listen to this podcast at all, that's exactly what you're interested in.

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Back to the podcast, Okay, diving back in here? Next question, subject line says ATV accident setback. Question says, Hey Granger, I was in an ATV accident five weeks ago which was resulted in a totaled ATV, several injuries, a cut up ee sweatshirt. With all this, I've grown more and more frustrated and discouraged with each passing day. On why this accident had to happen is several opportunities had to be missed, like going to Montana for a vacation, interviewing

for a new job, and a wedding. My question is how do you approach a major setback? I am a woman of faith, but I don't feel God is with me in this It's as if I've been abandoned. Any advices appreciated. Thanks Lindsey, Michigan. Shout out to Michigan. Lindsey, thank you for the email. I'm sorry about your accident. Let me dig into this, Okay, And I say this a lot on this podcast, but I'm gonna always give you tough love because that's the best way for me to do. This is just for me to be honest.

I don't think this podcast is worth anything if I'm not real with you, if I'm not honest with you, if I'm just coddling you and telling you things you need to hear, I just think this podcast then becomes worthless, Like no one would care to listen to a podcast of me telling you I'm so sorry, I'm coddling you, and I hope you get better. But let me dive into your question. Okay, honestly love you, Lindsay, here we go.

Suck it up. Suck it up. I have read I've talked to so many people in ATV accidents that have lost a loved one or a friend, or a son or a daughter. I've talked to so many people in my life through meet and greets through concerts that have been paralyzed through this, that lost the use of all their limbs. You are you, You don't you don't get

to go on vacation to Montana. You you you miss an interview for a job, and you miss a wedding, like and I know you have injuries, but you see what you're saying, Like there's people out there that have been killed by an ATV accident, killed or paralyzed. They're a vegetable the rest of their life. They're they're eating through a straw with a little remote control on a wheelchair. And you survived this and you missed a wedding and a job interview in a vacation and you're saying, I

don't know why God put me through this. You feel abandoned. You hear what you're saying, lindsay you you were You were saved in this and you have a chance, a chance to live, a chance to walk. You have plenty of chances for another interview or another wedding or another vacation, and yet you are looking at life like God left you and to get injured on this ATV. Instead of saying, instead of saying, lindsay praise God, this could have been so much worse. I very easily could not have had

thumbs to write this podcast email. I've talked to so many families that have walked onto my bus, countless families, and I know their face they walk up on my bus. I could just recognize the way they look. Sometimes they'll have a shirt, a memorial shirt on and they'll have a picture and they'll say, this is our son and he was a big fan, and here's a picture of you and him in twenty nineteen at a meet and greet and we lost him in an ATV accident. And

he loved you and he loved your music. So we came here because today's birthday, and we're going to celebrate today on his birthday with his favorite band, and we're going to remember him today. And it breaks my heart. Those kind of meet and greets with people has changed my life. It's changed the way I look at playing

music and writing music and performing music. It changed me in my band from looking at a full crowd to looking at one person and then knowing that that one person has a story and they might be remembering someone they lost, or they're trying to forget something that's too painful. They're trying to remember something again, they're trying to just feel normal again. And that is a huge responsibility that I love and I feel like it's a gift. It's a gift from God that I get to have an

opportunity to be that for some family. And then lindsay, I love you, but I read your email because you missed a wedding and you think God left you when you have this opportunity to share your testimony and say, I lived through something that could have been so bad. I was inches away from dying and he spared me for what? For what? Meaning? What purpose? I need to figure this out? Not why why did he do it? Why did he leave me? Why did he abandon me?

I'm a woman of faith. No you're not. No, you're not. That is no faith. That is zero faith. You have zero faith. And I hope, I hope this lights a fire under you right now when you hear this. I hope you hear it, and I pray that it lights a fire under you, and you might get mad at me and you might never want to email me ever again. But I'm doing this because because I truly care for you, Lindsey, and I want you to hear this from me, that

God spared you for a reason, for a purpose. And you have breath in your lungs, and you gotta beat in your heart, and you obviously have good thumbs because you wrote this email. Use it. This is your story. Use it. Why are you still here on this earth? Fulfill that purpose? Because there's a reason. Then there's a meaning behind this. Stop asking why. Go read the psalms. I say that so many times. Meditate in the psalms.

Open up the psalms and start reading them. Slowly, absorb it, and you're gonna read about when David writes so many of these psalms, he has a felt reality. There's a difference between objective, real truth, reality, what's really happening, and how we feel. And sometimes if we let our feelings take over, our feelings become our reality. So if we think we feel sorry for ourselves, then the reality becomes that we are feeling sorry for ourselves and that everyone's

abandoned us and God left us. That's not the truth, that's not what the Bible says. Ever, ever, he walks us through trials on purpose for a reason. Of course we suffer. Of course we go through trials and tribulations. That's promised by Jesus himself. In this world, you will have tribulation. But take heart, I have overcome the world.

That's amazing truth. We know we're gonna suffer, we know we're gonna be persecuted, we know we're gonna have trials and be tested, but we also know that He's gonna walk us through every step of it. He's not always talking in your ear, he's not writing words in the clouds. He's not bringing his hand around your head and saving you from a fall. Sometimes he lets us fall because that's our purpose, to learn from the suffering through it. That is what the Bible says over and over, and

a woman of faith should know that. Okay, I hope this message gets to you. And you know what, you could email your friend and say, I'm so terribly sorry I didn't make your wedding. And you could email the interview boss and say, I'm so sorry I missed the interview. I hope that when I recover from these injuries, the job is still open. But if it's not, I understand maybe you weren't supposed to get that job. Lindsey, like you ever think about that do you ever think about

that maybe you weren't supposed to get that job. I hope you feel better. I hope you get this message. Next question, subject line says third Wheel. Hey Granger, my name's Ryan from north central Ohio. Recently it started to feel like all my relationships have been failing. My friends are all engaged in planning weddings. Hanging out with them has been very tough because I'm always feeling like I

shouldn't be hanging out with them. I always wanted to have my own family, and seeing them all start one has been rough. Where do I go from here? Try to find new friends or keep third wheeling them? Ryan, thanks for the email, Buddy, shout out to central Ohio. And you know I love Ohio. We love That's like the heart and soul of yege Nation right there, buddy, you are severely falling into the trap of looking at everyone around you and thinking you deserve what they have.

Looking at social media and you're seeing new people getting engaged, and you're looking at wedding cakes and these beautiful brides with flowers in their hair, and you're looking at your friends and they seem so happy, And if you've listened to this podcast at all. In any other episode, you'll hear me so many times talk to people that are not happy, that are lonely in a relationship. So you're not any better with a random relationship. You're no better.

There's a reason you're single right now. But you have to find a way to be content and single now, secure and single. Now you have to do that, you have to go. You know what, I'm single, but I'm single for a reason. I haven't found the right one yet. And that's okay because I would rather be single and secure than find the wrong one and force something. And I'm also not attractive as someone that's desperate and looking for a relationship at all costs. Please, anyone, Is there

any girl out there that loves me? I just want a relationship so I could be happy, Because once I get in a relationship, then finally I'll be happy, and then I'll never have to third wheel again, and I could double date with people, and I'll be sitting with my girl, and we'll be sitting across the table from my friend and his girl, and the girls could talk and the guys could talk, and will be so happy. That is a lot. That's a lie. There's a lie, Ryan,

You've bought into it. Open your eyes. You've been lied to by your own heart. The heart is so wicked, the heart is so deceitful, and it will lie to you at every turn. It's the same heart that will lie to you about this, and then five years down the road in a relationship, it'll lie to you again and say you don't have feelings anymore. And I don't love this girl anymore. She doesn't give me the time of day anymore. She's distant, she's not the same girl

I met. Your heart will lie to you at every turn, So don't use your heart to make decisions. Use your brain. And as Christians, we pray that we get a new heart and we get new desires. Then God turns our heart and works in our heart and turns it around and makes it more like his and not ours. Your heart's lying to you, single and secure. That is so much more attractive. You're not gonna find any good girls like this. I just want to find a girl. What

girl wants that? Because then you're emailing me again, all nervous going. I just met a girl, but I feel like I'm gonna mess it up. I get those same kind of emails. I'm gonna mess this up because I don't know what to say, and I really like her, but now she's not texting me back every ten minutes, and so I'm starting to worry, like maybe she doesn't love me, but I really love her and I've never felt like this before. And then you're desperate, and then

you're just turning circles. And then what happens. She goes, Oh, I'm getting out of this one. I'm getting away from this guy. This guy's psycho. That's what happens until you go I am single and I'm secure, happy with where I am now. I'm content. Say that word again with me content. I'm content the way I am now in my current life situation. I'm content, and I'm also this is tough, Ryan. I'm also happy for my friends that are in relationships that seem to be good. I'm so

happy for them. I don't need to feel the same thing to also be happy for them. Like that is so nurturing to the soul when you could just come to that realization. My friends, let me read let me read your email. All my friends are engaged in planning weddings. That's a negative to you, you hate that? What if

you flip it? All my friends are in relationships and engaged in planning weddings, and I'm so happy for them, because in this world, a good relationship is hard to come by, and my friends have them and I love that because I love my friends and I'm just full of joy. My joy is so full right now that my friends are engaged and planning weddings. That is so cool. I can't wait to see these little babies that are gonna pop out. I'm gonna be like an uncle. What

if you switched it to that. That's so nurturing, That helps you sleep at night. And when you get like that and you start going to these weddings and you're like, I'm so happy for my friend. Look, I'm at this wedding, the beautiful wedding. We're all dressed up. The mother of the bride is crying and the dad is walking the girl down the aisle and he's crying, and this is just great. I love it. I'm so happy right now.

And then you look down the aisle and there's this cute girl sitting there thinking the same thing that you've never seen before. She's a friend of the bride and you go, hey, I might you know, at the end of the night, when we're all dancing, I might go ask her if she wants to dance. Mm. That happens. Ryan. See see how this flips. Good luck to you them.

Let's hit another one. This comes from David and it says subject line invest question says if I told you my best friend that my grandmother left me three hundred and fifty thousand dollars, how would you recommend investing it or spending it? I'm thirty seven years old, fully retired veteran with two kids, already have five thousand dollars in savings, already have a farm with livestock mainly poultry. Sincerely, disabled

veteran David Smith. David, thank you for your service and congratulations. Man. Sounds amazing. You just got gifted three hundred and fifty thousand bucks. That is amazing. That is very rare in this world. So you have an incredible situation here you're asking me how to invest it? Well, would I would go to the Dave Ramsey model. I love his ideas and I would read If I were you, I'd read any book that he puts out, and I would listen to the radio show or on YouTube or whatever. But

the basic steps, he calls them baby steps. You have five thousand dollars, that's great, So he would say, out of that three point fifty, take three months worth of your salary. So whatever you get paid per month times three. Take that money and put it in the savings and don't touch it. That's your emergency fund. That's like a

rainy day fund. The world is collapsed, you lost your job, problems are happening, and you have three months to be able to live at the same rate of living that you are now with your kids off of this emergency saving, so don't touch it. After that, you take the first

credit card that you have that has the lowest balance. Okay, so the credit card with the lowest balance that you still owe, you pay it off completely, and then you move up to the next credit card with the next lowest balance until you pay that off, and then the next credit card, and so on until you get all your credit cards completely paid off. Done. They're completely done.

Then you go to your car and take a look at your car, and you either you either trade it in and get something a little cheaper, or you love your say you love your car, go ahead and pay that off completely. Once you do that, you move to your house so you have no debt, making sure there's no other debt at all until you get to your house, and then you hit it with the rest of that three hundred and fifty thousand. After you've done all these other things, you take the rest of that money and

throw it at your house, throw it at your mortgage. Now, if you're lucky, this three hundred and fifty thousand takes care of everything that I just mentioned. If not, you'll hopefully get everything done. You definitely will get everything done. Unless you have outrageous credit card debt. I don't think you do. Then you'll the rest of it is going to go to your house, and then you're gonna get a big chunk out of your house mortgage, and then you could refinance and you have a much much lower

rate to pay on your house. That's my advice. That's my advice. After all that's done, everything's paid for, your one hundred percent debt free. Now we could start talking about four one ks. If you have that available at work or short term investing. You get a good, good CPA, a good investment advisor. We could talk about that later, but I want to make sure every bit of that debt is paid, and I want to I want to send you to Dave Ramsey and listen to what he

says about it. But congratulations, brother, what a what a really cool thing. I'm assuming you lost your grandmother, so I'm also if you did, I'm terribly sorry about your loss because I'm sure that you would rather have your grandmother than the money. So although it's a big blessing from her, I'm sorry if you did loser. Next question, it says in the subject line can you help me? Says hey, Grander. My name is Emily. I'm from Maryland. I'm twenty four years old. I'm a manager in a

male dominant field. Most of my employees are old enough to be my dad, and I'm the only female in the department. Managing them has become very hard, and I feel like they don't even respect me as a manager. I've tried several different ways of managing nothing seemed to be effective. I really love what you do, but I could feel me and my fiance this is all affecting our home life. Do I try to keep my job or find something else? Emily, thank you for the email

and shout out to Maryland. Love that state, love traveling to Maryland. I wish I had some crab cakes right now just thinking about this. Congratulations. First of all, I'll say, twenty four years old, your manager, you're you're a female and a male dominant field and you're only twenty four that you must be really smart and you must be really good at what you do. So that's amazing. I would say this the only scenario in this and I would I would not recommend right now just leaving the

job and finding something else. Your relationship with your fiance, if this work is affecting that, you have to tie that up first, like deal with that first. Leave the work at work and come home and leave it at work. Don't bring it home with you. Okay, and now it's hard to do, but don't bring that stuff home. You're gonna have to learn to get in your car and drive home and put on your home face. Forget your work face. That's just a job. It's just a paycheck. Okay.

I know that it's your career and you're passionate about it and you love it, otherwise you wouldn't do it. But that's just a paycheck at the end of the day. It's not your future husband, Okay, So deal with that. Deal with that. We're chamellions. As humans, we could be such good chameleons and adapt to situations. Adapt this. Leave

it behind you as far as work itself. Managing in a male dominant field when you're a female, I would use humility as your number one go to humility, and I would walk in here to this office, and I would walk up to some of the older guys and I would say, let me say, let me preface this is difficult. Everything I say seems to be difficult on this podcast. But that's because these are good questions, and

they're deep questions. So you can't ask me deep good questions and expect me to be lighthearted and easy answers. So I would walk in with humility, and I would go up to these guys and I would say, individually, I would say, I'm only twenty four, you are thirty five. You've been doing this a long time, so I'm truly gonna lean on you for some advice and some stuff. This is hard for me to manage people that I

understand have more experience than me. See that that kind of humility is very difficult to diffuse if you're on the other side of it. I'm not telling you to let people run all over you. I'm not telling you to not do your job or to let people disagree with everything you say and be insubordinate. I'm not saying that.

I'm saying, walk in with humility and go. You know what I'm gonna I'm gonna really think about this because you've been doing this a lot longer than me, and I need, I desperately need to learn from someone like you. And then so that that side of it. And then the other side is servant leadership. Now you said you've tried all different styles of leadership and nothing has been effective.

But I would lean into servant leadership. That means you're leading from the back, right, So when you're telling people to do things, don't ever manage and tell people to do things that you're not capable of doing yourself. If you're telling someone to do something difficult, hey, I need you to clean up this whole area. Stack all these boxes make it really neat. In fact, I'm going to come in here tomorrow about an hour early. I'm gonna help you with it. I'm gonna get started on those

boxes too, because that's a lot. Then I'm expecting you to do it, but I'm not expecting you to do it alone. So let's dive in together. You can come in on time whatever you need to do, but I'm going to come an hour early and I'm going to get a headstart on this because I also have a busy day tomorrow. But I really wanted to take care of this with you, so humility slash servant leadership. Watch

how this changes for you. No one can look at you as the young girl that's telling them what to do if you're doing it with them and asking for advice and coming totally with humility and all of it. And you could watch people start falling in line behind you, watch people start start letting you lead them from the back. That's a true leader. Someone that dives in, gets dirty, is not afraid to come in early, stay late, don't ask things from anyone that is ridiculous for them to do,

like make me a cup of coffee. You would never do that. You would tell them, hey, before you get started on that that I told you to do. Before you get started, I'm going to run down to the coffee shop. Let me grab you. What do you want? What's your favorite coffee? It's on me. I got you. Or surprise them, just walk in. If you know what they want, surprise them. Boom, here's a cappuccino. I know you like it. I even put a little cinnamon on top for you like man, Emily, Thank you. That's amazing.

That's leading from the back, servant leadership with humility. It's a good question. Good luck to you. Thank you guys for your emails. I love you. I love doing this podcast. We'll see you next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the Granger Smith Podcast. I appreciate all of you. Guys. You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that little like button and the notification spell so that you

never miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a question for me that you would like me to answer, email Graingersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Yig