#144 Follow your brain...Your heart is a liar

just a long time listener. We drop episodes every Monday morning. I answer your questions. You email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. We talk about it in long form as though we're sitting in a pickup truck cab together. You got an idea, you say, Hey, man, I want to run something by you, and we talk about it as long as it takes to answer the question. You could ask me about anything. The subjects are all over the place, and let's get started. Subject line of this first one says,

my ex keeps talking about me. Hey, gradear, my name is Chad. I'm twenty five years old. I'm from Southeast Oklahoma. Me and my ex girlfriend dated for three and a half years. She left me three years ago. We don't speak to each other anymore. But these past few months I have people come and tell me that she keeps talking about me. It's not all bad stuff. I don't know what it could mean. I'm just in awe right now. Sorry,

this is long. Love your music and your podcast. They've helped me a lot, so Chad, thanks for emailing Buddy. Shout out to Southeast Oklahoma. I love Southeast Oklahoma. You are. You're asking about your ex girlfriend dated for quite some time, and you've been broken up for about the same amount

of time. Now she's talking about you. You're getting win through the grapevine, and it sounds like by your email you said, I'm just in awe right now, it sounds like this is exciting, sounds like you're still not over her and you are interested in possibly getting back together. The first thing I want to say is, why is it a surprise that your ex is talking about you.

You dated three and a half years, You've got mutual friends, you've got a lot of stuff in common, you have enough in common that you dated for three and a half years. It doesn't seem like a surprise that she's talking about you, And I don't know if that means anything. Really, I don't know if that means there's hope for you to get back together with her. I don't know if she's just kind of venting because she's moved on and she's still remembering and wanting to get past that. But

it could mean a lot of different things. And so I don't know if I'm taking this as a good thing, like, oh wow, I'm suddenly back on her radar and she's talking about me to friends. I don't know. I don't

know what to tell you, Chad. Besides, it sounds like you haven't moved on, and regardless of what happens with her in the future, you're gonna have to find contentment and you're gonna have to find satisfaction on your own alone, single without her, And that's gonna be the most attractive thing that you could give back to her if you are going to get back with her. One day, she has to get back with you. You have coffee, you have dinner somewhere, and she thinks, Wow, Chad is different

now in a good way, Like he's confident. He's not worried about me and what I'm doing all the time. He's not asking other friends if they've heard from me because he seems to have moved on in a confident, secure way, and I'm very attracted to that. So that's something you can't put on a front four. You can't pretend to do. You have to really do it. And then it's going to come across as authentic, and she's going to get that, and she's gonna she's gonna latch

onto that. So regardless of what's happening, try to be the guy that's single and secure and confident away from her because you did break up and it has been a long time. And then after that, whatever happens may happen, but you're better off pretending like you're not going to get back. I don't think this means anything for you right now, but it could focus on yourself. Next question, I've got so many here. Subject line in the next one says breakups. Hey Grander, my name is Nate from Oregon.

My fiance just broke up with me after being together for three years. I asked what I did wrong, and she said I did nothing wrong. She just lost a love for me, but still wants to be part of me, to be part of her family and a part of her life. I'm just broken and confused, would like your advice. Thanks. I hope this gets to you, Nate. Thanks for emailing Buddy.

Shout out to Oregon. I love that state too. What we're dealing with here is another three year year relationship, and what we're dealing with is someone that fell out of love. And the great thing for you, Nate, is that she was honest enough not to drag this on anymore. Now. It's unfortunate that you were engaged, and you probably had a ring, and you probably had plans and the works, But the reality is good on you because she was honest with you and she said, hey, you did nothing wrong.

I fell out of love. That's natural. Now you're gonna blame yourself and you're gonna think you did do something wrong, but sometimes you don't. Sometimes you don't have to do anything wrong for someone just to fall out of love. But I'm happy that she was honest with you and told you now and this didn't turn out into something really messy and bad down the road. So take that and use it as a victory. It doesn't seem like a victory to you right now. And it's heartbreak is real.

It's like grief. It's like you lost somebody. Now the thing moving forward, what's tough to do is to be friends with her and be part of her family and part of her life. That's not that's not great. It's not easy to do that, and I would advise against it because it's gonna be really tough on your heart. It's gonna it's gonna be tough moving forward and hanging out and going to a Christmas party and she's there and you're talking and you're acting like things are normal,

but they're not normal. And you still love her and she doesn't love you, and you know that and she knows it, and you're saying that all with your eyes, not with your words, and you're making small talk about the eggnog. It's tough. It's tough. Sometimes you gotta just say, you know what, I still love you. I appreciate your honesty that you don't love me, but to protect my heart moving forward so I can move on and find

somebody else and get my life back on track. I don't think I can go to that Christmas party because you're there. I don't think I can go hang out with your mom. These are things that are gonna be unhealthy for me. Hey, and don't blame me if I I to block you on Facebook. It's not personal. I just can't see you every day popping up on my feed and you're having a good time and you're out with your friends, and God forbid, you're finding somebody new and I see it on Facebook. I don't think my

heart could be put up to that. It hurts too bad. I loved you too much and I still do. Nate, you got to take care of yourself right now. You got to protect your heart. This heartbreak is serious and it could just go on and on and on unless you take the proper steps right now to cut her off and start learning to live single and secure. Similar too, similar questions. Almost next question says, Hey Granger, I'm TJ. I'm twenty years old from a little town of Sheridan, Arkansas.

I asked this girl out, and I've been interested in her for a small while. I just want to make a good oppression and do everything right for her. She's been on the mind a lot since I asked her. We have plans to meet this weekend. She says. She believes in God and she's going to college. She's just about a year or two older thing is she does have a little boy, and I don't really see that as a con. Is that bad? Thanks for your music and everything you do, Ye TJ, thanks for emailing. Shout

out to Arkansas. That's that town is really close to my one of my bus drivers, butch so I know, I know shared in Arkansas very well. So your question, you're super young. You're you like a girl. You asked her out and she has a little boy. Now you're you're saying that's not a con And I don't think it is. Either if you love her and or if you will love her, and she's a great girl, but but it does put a wrinkle in things in terms

of you. You have to play this a little differently than you would a girl with no ties, no commitments, no children. The reason I say that is because she's a single mom and we have to treat that in a special way. Like you're You're gonna have to make arrangements with her always with this child in mind, and she's gonna put that child first until she gets remarried. She's gonna put this child first. So you're gonna have

to play second to the little boy. That's not a bad thing, but you have to be aware of that your second place for her until she remarries. I want you to be very aware of that. I want you to be very aware that this is not something we play around with. You won't play around with single moms. This is not casual dating. She's looking to find a man in her life. She's looking to find a solid father figure for her little boy, and that's not something to take lightly. You can't let that be lost on

you that that's what she's looking for. So this isn't This isn't your casual go out have fun, maybe or maybe not like her or not. You've got to be super honest, super up forward, state your intentions from the very beginning. This is what I have in mind. This is how I feel about you. This is how I don't feel about you. This is how I feel about your little boy. This is how I feel about you

being a single mom. Let's be completely honest. Let's open up communication more than you would, maybe a little bit more than you're comfortable in doing. But that's what she deserves. She deserves your straight up honesty. And if you don't like her after date three, you tell her, hey, I don't think this is going to work out. I think you're a great girl. I think you got a great little boy. But I want to be honest with you. I don't want to waste your time because your clock

is ticking. You need to find a father figure for this boy, and I don't think it's me. So be honest. Don't drag this out, don't be deceptive to her. Okay, now, I think you should do that in any relationship, but you're more hyper aware of it now that she's a single mom. Subdecline here how to forgive my mom? Hey Granger, my name is Kate. I'm from North Dakota. I'm twenty years old. Last time I saw my mom was when

I was sixteen. My mom and I don't have a relationship anymore, and we never really did, even though she found out she was pregnant with me, and she didn't want to give me up growing up or excuse me, she didn't want me growing up. It was always about my brother and she never really cared about me. She would kick me out when I was the age of seven, so my dad would come to get me, usually within

the first thirty minutes of me being with her. There's a lot of other things that she did that were worse. But now that I'm older, this is still affecting me since I keep learning more and more stuff about what she did to me. I haven't seen her since I was sixteen, and I wish I could just forgive her and forget. But the more I learned, the more I hate her. How could I just learn to forget about all that she's done so that it could affect me less.

Thanks for your time, Kate. Yeah, Kate, thanks for the email. Shout out to North Dakota. I've been there a couple times this year. I love that state. Tough situation, and thank you for being vulnerable and open it up on this podcast. So forgiveness is a is a tricky thing because it's it's very difficult for our heart to forgive. It's very difficult for our heart to do a lot

of things. And our mind, on the other hand, like your mind is clear in this email that what you want to do that with your brain is you want to say, I just want to forgive her so I can move on and it could affect me less. That's what your brain is saying, but your heart is saying, no, I hate her. I can't forgive someone I hate even though this is my biological mother, she has done terrible things to me. She has affected me negatively as I

grew up, and I don't want to forgive her. So let's let's unpack that, because we could say, we could say several things about this one. You you are who you are, the strong woman that you are, Kate, because of the lack of mother that you had growing up. So take that away and you're a different person, maybe not as good a person, Which is interesting, right, because we're always a product of how we were brought up and the surroundings and the people that we put ourselves

in the same circle with. We're a product of that. So it's interesting to think that if you take that away from you, you're more than likely less of a person because without that affliction and that suffering, without you being refined like gold and hot fire, you're not the refined human that you are today. So that's a good thing. So in a lot of ways, you could thank her for that, even though she didn't mean for you to

be a better person. She didn't mean for you to be a refined piece of gold, but that's what she did. And so in a strange way, you thank her for that. That's one thing to unpack. The other thing is forgiveness. Like I said, it's a tricky thing. Your mind knows that you should, the Bible says that you should, and sometimes when it comes to forgiveness, we have to say things out loud and say it to her, and say it to ourselves and preach it to ourselves, and then

let our heart catch up to that later. So I'm not expecting you to say, Mom, I forgive you. I officially forgive you, and I'm moving on. I'm not expecting you to say that and believe it. You know what

I mean. So there's a difference between saying and believing at the same time, and saying it and knowing that that's right, that's the right thing to do, and I believe you're correct, and saying you need to forgive her, you need to love her as your biological mother, regardless of what she's done, because you can't control what she's done and you can't control who she is. But you can only control the controllables, which is you and your reaction to her. So tell her mom, I gotta tell you,

call her up. I gotta tell you. I just love you and I forgive you, and you don't have to say but, or here's what you did wrong, or let me make a the list of things that you did that hurt me. Because she knows. She's a human. She might be prideful, she might not admit it, but of course she knows. Any human knows, any mother knows. She knows exactly what happened, she knows exactly what she's still continuing to do. She knows the damage that's been done.

So you don't need to tell her. You don't need a reminder. That doesn't do any good for you. But you tell her I love you and I forgive you, and your heart is screaming inside your chest. It's going, I don't forgive you. I hate you. I don't love you. I hate you, Mom. That's what your heart is telling you, but your brain says, no, I'm gonna say this. I'm gonna put this out there, and I'm gonna say it over and over until my heart finally catches up. It's

like a war of attrition against your heart. Your brain and your heart are at war always. Sometimes they line up. Sometimes they do, and you're blessed if they do. But a lot of times they don't, and so during this war of attrition, your mind needs to win, not your heart. Your feelings don't get to win over your thoughts because your thoughts are calculating everything around you. Your heart is thinking in one direction, just with your gut feeling, and

we cannot trust our gut feeling. So use your brain and go get there. You know what I am who I am because I'm a mom, and she brought me to this world. She might not even have wanted me. She might have given more attention to my brother, she might have shipped me off to my dad. But you know what, I got a good dad. A lot of people don't. I got a good dad, and I got a mom that's still alive a lot of people don't. And I could still tell her that I love her,

and a lot of people can't. And I might not get that back from her, but I don't need that back from her because I can't control that. So I'm gonna tell her I forgive her and I love her, And eventually, after I say it enough times, my heart will catch up to it, and then you'll be better for it. Let's hit one more and take a break. Interesting subject, cliente says am I being selfish, mister Smith, I'd like to remain anonymous. I have a four year old boy. I uprooted my life and moved states to

be with my current girlfriend. His mom lives hours away from me. My current girlfriend thinks that he will do better at his mom's rather than at our house. She seems to be more and more pushy about the subject. She says it's because she doesn't listen to her, and when he's at his mom's he wasn't acting the way he acts here. I just want to I just don't want to go because I don't want to miss out. Is this me being selfish? I also feel like if he stays, I lose my girlfriend and my kids two

boys and one girl. One boy we have together, and she had a girl before me. Been a longtime fan. Love your concerts. Thanks for your time. Yeee okay, Anonymous. Tough, tough, tough situation, sticky, A lot of a lot of deal A lot of a lot of variables here, So I'm going to recap this so my own brain understands. You have a four year old boy, baby mama lives away from you guys, and your current girlfriend doesn't really want much to do with the boy. She has her own kids.

She's blaming it on the four year old boy doesn't listen to her, and he listens to his mama, his baby mama. More you you're questioning if you're being selfish by loving your own for year old boy and not being as respecting your girlfriend's wishes, which you have. You have a boy together. This is complicated. I'm trying to figure it out myself. So you guys, there's a lot of floating variables here. But here's the deal. Let me just focus on one thing since I don't totally understand

the family dynamic. You're never ever going to be selfish by giving attention to your four year old boy, which four year olds are difficult. I mean, he's not minding your girlfriend, of course he's not. What does she expect? What does she expect him? Just to be totally obedient to a girlfriend I want to say random girlfriend. Sorry, that's disrespectful. But of course he's not minding her. Of course he's not to listen to her more than his

own biological mother. This is this is a complicated issue, but you're you take selfish out of it, because if you're giving attention to your boy. If you're doing what's best for your boy, not to the girlfriend that you haven't married yet, that's not being selfish. That's being a responsible dad to a child you brought into this world. So I say this out of love, and I'm not trying to knock you at all, but man, turn away

from that thought. Once again. I'm not totally sure if that's what you mean by being selfish, but I think it does. And I don't want you to ever think you're being selfish by giving attention to your boy. Now that that comes ahead of your girlfriend's kids. It comes ahead of your girlfriend until you marry her and she's your wife and she becomes your number one in your family. Until then, Right now, your priority is your boy, not

your girlfriend. Because I can tell you right now just hearing your story, girlfriends, this is probably not your last one you're going to have in your life. There's probably going to be another one. But this is this is This boy is only four years old one time right now, and he needs his daddy. And we could tie all these questions together with that that I've read today, But this four year old boy needs his daddy more than this girl needs her boyfriend, Stack up the priorities, get

him right, get him straight. You don't have to neglect your girlfriend or her kids. You don't have to neglect baby mama. You don't have to. You could spread yourself out. You could still work a job and be a super dad and float around and be there for all these people. But you got to put that boy first because he's grown up. Asked, and the story I read right before this, when the mama didn't want the girl, Look what happens. You get a twenty year old boy that says, I'm

so confused, i don't know anything in this life. I'm worried, I'm stressed out. My dad didn't really want me. He spent more attention to his girlfriend and her kids and not me. You don't want that. That's a problem you don't want to have. You don't want to email me with that question. So you have right now, this present moment, to make sure you get this fixed, seared up, taken care of. Be a responsible dad. That's your priority. Let's take a break and bear it back. Thanks for listening

to the podcast. You all. This episode is brought to you by Better Help, and this is actually very relevant to these questions I've been answering today. How well would you take care of your car if you had to keep the same one your entire life. Well, that's how our brains work, so why don't we treat them the same way. How we take care of our minds affects how we experience life, so it's important to invest time

and care into keeping them healthy. There are plenty of ways to support a healthy brain, like learning a new language or taking power naps. But there's also better Help online therapy. Now, those of y'all listening, No, I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm not a therapist, but I could lead you to one that's very easy to get a hold of and very affordable. Better Help is online therapy that offers video, phone and even live chat only therapy sessions so you don't have to see anyone on camera if

you don't want to. It's much more affordable than in person therapy. You could be matched with a therapist in just forty eight hours. This is a really cool service that wasn't available not too long ago. Our listeners get ten percent off their first month at betterhelp dot com slash granger. That's better help dot com slash Granger. Want to find more ways to get a hold of me,

I'm at all social media at granger Smith. You could also get a personal video message from me by going to cameo dot com slash Grangersmith, or download the cameo app and search for me granger Smith. I will shoot you over a customized video right here from my phone and say whatever you need me to say, Happy birthday, happy anniversary, words of encouragement, something funny, hey, whatever it might be. You set it up and I'll send it for you or whoever you want me to. Go to

cameo dot com slash Grangersmith. Let's get back to some more questions. Email me Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. That's where I'm getting these questions from. I'll answer yours anything, any subject. My only thing is try to keep it about the phone links and don't send this. Don't send the same email twice. That's my two rules. Next question subject line says in law issues. Hey Granger, my name is Danielle. I'm from Texas. I'm struggling with my in

laws and their disapproval. I moved in with my now husband as roommates and friends. When they first got to know me, they loved me, and they even told my now husband that he should date me. My husband has had issues with his parents and sisters when it came to girlfriends in the past. He always told me that he would not tell him he was dating. He always told me that he would not tell him he was

dating someone until they liked them as a person. I think he meant they he would not tell them, so I never understood until he told them we were dating about a month. About one month after he told them we were dating, they began spreading lives about me and my now husband and telling him horrible things that weren't true. They even trashed my name to the whole family. It all started with his sister, who still today wants nothing

to do with me or him. She says that he has changed into a different person since he met me. I will say that I did screw up, and I regret it because I acted out of hurt and anger when they were attacking me and my name. I confronted them and that was not in the best way. I've apologized, but nothing has gotten better today. The rest of the family has no issues with me, and now his parents are not telling the truth about me and the relationship

with my husband. Do you have any suggestions on healing the relationship with the sister and parent in laws? Yeah, thank you, Danielle shout out to my homestate of Texas. Thanks for the email. This is a tough situation. In law issues come up a lot, or see this quite

a bit in these emails, so you're not alone. In laws are not always going to like the person that their son chooses, and I think partly that comes from they want the best for their son and you will one day too, And it's hard to know what the best is. It's hard to know a situation completely unless you're act in it. So we can't completely blame them from looking from the outside in and making judgment calls and wanting the best and not thinking that you're the best,

And can you blame them? That's what they want out of love. It's what they really want, and so does the sister. So knowing that is a huge part of this whole struggle. Just knowing that they're coming from a place of love, even though it doesn't feel like it or seem like it or look like it to you, They're coming from a place of love for their son. So that's understandable why they have done this in the past to him to the same thing, which tells you

that it's not about you. It's more about their judgment for wanting the best for their son. Once you understand that, it's like, okay, well, okay, I get it. I get they're being very strict on who he's with because they want the best for him. They might not think I'm the best. I've actually lashed out in the past against them. I'm battling them for this, and okay, I get it. I'd see why they don't like me. So what do you do now? Because the damage has been done? So

what do you do now? Then that's your question. Treat them with love and respect, grace and forgiveness. You don't lash out, You don't judge them back. You control the controllables, not the uncontrollables. You can't control how they react to you. You can't control their past or how they thought that he was supposed to grow up as a little boy and now he's not. He's a different person. Now that's what they think. You can't control what they think, but

you can control how you react to them. It's not easy, but that's what you do. You don't ever lash out. You listen. It's fact. I would say, listen seventy percent of the time, listen and talk thirty percent. And that kind of goes with anything in life. People have been saying that for thousands of years. Talk less, don't talk

so much. Let them talk. And as angry as you get when you hear these evil things coming out of their mouth and they're degrading you and saying your husband's change, as evil as it sounds in your ears, make the words come out of your mouth and say, I'm so sorry you feel that way, and I don't want you to feel that way, and I'm trying hard to correct that. How could I be a better daughter in law to you? Put it back on him, Ask him a question, how can I be a better daughter in law to you?

Let them answer it, let them see how maybe ridiculous their claims are. By trying to answer, how you can correct it, And watch as they start backpedaling and say, well, it's not it's not what you could do. I mean, you're a great girl, and it's yeah, it's just it's it's him and he's different now, and it's it's not it's not as much. Watch them start back pedaling and saying that if you give them a chance, if you

ask them the question, if you surrender to that. But if you come in and go, hey, don't I'm not like that and not but you're judgmental and that, then they get up back on the defense, and then they don't like you, and nothing gets fixed. Ever, nothing gets fixed, and you're thinking, well, it's not my job to fix them. Like we should meet in the middle. We should compromise, not necessarily. I've never read a book that says you

have to compromise with your in laws. I don't say respect them, open up to them, ask them the question, ask them how you could be better. Don't lash out, and whatever you do, don't do this to your husband. Don't blame him for his in laws, your mom and your dad and your sister and the way you were raised and you were coddled growing up and blah blah blah. You're a helicoptered avoid that. Let that go. Say it. You might think it, your heart might feel it, but

don't say it. Don't put it out there. It's like that first email where we read, just put out forgiveness. Let your heart catch up later. Tell them you're sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the damage I've done in the past. I'm sorry for lashing out in the past. I shouldn't have done that. And I want to be better. I want to be a better daughter in law. How help me learn how to do that? Well? You should just know I don't. Could you help me with it? He can you give me some suggestions? I'm still I'm

just a work in progress. I'm trying to be a good wife. I'm trying to be a good daughter in law, trying to be a good sister in law. But I'm a work in progress and I'm a human and I still make mistakes. Can you help me? Help me learn how to be better with that? Who could argue against that? Who could put you down when you're saying that, Maybe they can the first time, but not the second and the third. Hold your ground, Hold that forgiveness, hold that gratefulness,

hold that honoring of them. Don't let it go. That's your new front. Be silent seventy percent of the time. I'm telling you, this is how it's going to get better. There's no other way. Next email subjectline says, let the light shine, Hey, Grandeur, I'd like to stay anonymous. I'm a Christian and twenty four years old. I have a few siblings that don't follow the Lord, and it's hard for me to look at their life. My mom worries about them, and I can't help but worry for them too.

I'd like to hear your advice on how I could be a witness to them and let my light shine. Just a note, I don't live close to them in person. Is not possible at the moment. I wish with all my heart that they would just follow Jesus and live for him. I love your podcast. Thanks in advance. The question comes from anonymous. Thank you for emailing twenty four years old. Don't say where you're from, and hey, you're living, You're living the life. This is the life that we've

been called for. Families are split up, friends, they're split up, different mentalities, different world views, no surprise. So you're asking how you could let your light shine? Well, I believe that you already know. I believe it's part of your question. Is you already know how to let your light shine? You're just wanting reassurance from me, But it starts with

you and yourself. It starts with waking up and spending time in the Word, and not just knowing the Word of God, but knowing the God who wrote the word. How well do you know the God behind the word and not just the Word of God. That would be my question, my first question to you, and the answer should be not enough, not enough. So tomorrow I'm going to start all over a lot of prayer, a lot of wise counsel. And my three answers to any question

are prayer, read the Word, seek wise counsel. But that's what I do. Those are my three answers to every question. Prayer, read the Bible, seequist counsel. And with this situation, your situation, well even better, that's easy. That's those three things easily fix your question. Now, it's not gonna save them, it's not going to convince them of anything, but it's gonna help you be that light that you're talking about. It's

gonna help you be that light for them. So then it can also helps you keep accountable, like, hey, I better not I better not mess up. I better not be a hypocrite to what I'm trying to say, because why because they're gonna see me as soon as they see me. Be a hypocrite on what I'm trying to tell them. They're never gonna believe it. So you show them the gospel. The gospel is the power of God for salvation. The gospel is the power of it. So you tell them the gospel. What's the gospel? Well, did

you know? God became flesh and came to this earth to live a life, to live a life of example for us. He died on a cross, was crucified in front of hundreds of eyewitnesses, was resurrected, came back to life life miraculously, the only person to ever come back to life recorded in history. I witnessed, and people wrote it down. Did you know that? Did you know he did that? So he conquered death so we wouldn't have to because we weren't capable of it. We weren't capable

of defeating our sin. And our sin is keeping us from a righteous God, a holy God. We could never approach God with our sin. We're rebels, sinful rebels. So Jesus comes down, the Son of God, and he takes the place of us, so that when God looks at us, he sees his son, he sees perfect perfection. Because that's what he was on this earth. He shields us from that, He takes the place of that for us, He abides

in us. That's the gospel. And all you got to do is believe that message, and you'll be shielded from that. You'll get eternal life, you'll be cleansed, you'll start hating your own sin. That's the gospel. So we preached that. How long did that take me? Thirty seconds? So you say that and someone says, I don't believe that garbage, go yeah, I used to feel that way too. I understand, but that doesn't change the fact that it happened. Just because you don't understand it or you think it's garbage

doesn't change the fact that it did happen. And I'm not trying to push you down your throat. I'm just trying to tell you out of love for you, this is the answer to joy and peace, love, hope. That's the answer to it. That's it. That's shining a light. Don't be a hypocrite. It's easy to do that. Next question, subject line says memorizing lines for a play. Hey Granger, my name is Grant Tyler. I'm fifteen years old from Alabama. This year for VBS at my church. I got the

lead role for a drama segment. I was thrilled to see that I got it. There's a small issue, though, I can't figure out how to memorize my lines. I have about three weeks to memorize it. How do you memorize whenever you're filming for a movie? Thanks Grant, Tyler Grant, thanks for the email. Buddy fifteen years old from Alabama, great state. Shout out to y'all. Thanks for opening up to me. This is really cool you got this spot.

And man, that's a great question, because when I took on the role of this movie that we shot this year, that's one of the things I just really didn't think about was how much memorization was going to go into all these lines. And we shot for four weeks. Every day I had the lead role, I'm talking a lot. Not only am I saying lines, but I'm also playing off other people's lines, so that I almost have to

know all their lines too. So if I'm sitting at a dinner table and there's all these people having this dinner conversation, I have to know what they're saying and how they that other person reacts to that person. Then that person says something, and now it's my turn to react to this person on my left, and so I'm

memorizing everything. And it was a lot. So I totally get it, Grant, But you know that there's a lot of ways that different brains memorized different ways, and there's apps for that, and there's YouTube videos you could watch on that. But but what I found best for me and my personality and my brain was just I would go over it, and I would sit down with my lines the night before and I would just read them

over and over and over about ten times. I'd read my lines about ten times, and then on the tenth time, I would turn my script over and I would say it out loud, and I would say it and I would say the general idea what the other person said back, and then I would say my line again, and then I would stumble, and I'd flip the script and I'd look at it and I would say, oh, dang it, there was there was that line right there, and I'd flip the script back over again and I would start

again from the top, and I'd do that till I got it down. And when I when I can get it down, I would do it about ten times, so ten times reading it, ten times saying it out loud without reading it, and usually it starts kind of going in the memory bank by then, and I would move on and I would, you know, make a cup of coffee, I'd go do some other things, and i'd go back and take the script and start over to start the process again. Until I didn't need the script at all.

I could just drive around in my truck and say, Okay, what's scene number one fifty seven And I could just say it, and then I want to stumble halfway through it and get the script, and oh, there it is, there, it is there, it is. But it's just repetition, repetition, over and over. Good luck with that, brother. Next question, subject line says life, Hey, Grangeer, my name is Devon, and I've been probably Devin. My name's Devin, and I've been wondering about something. I feel like I'm taking the

wrong path in life and going against God's word. I've been doing things behind my parents back, and I know that it's wrong, but the temptation keeps pulling me back, and I do the same things. I ask for redemption for. I want to stop, but I don't know how what's your advice? Thanks Devin, I appreciate you, buddy. Doesn't say where you're from or how old you are, but thank you for thanks for the email. So here's the thing. This is going to go back to a heart question again.

We're going back to the heart versus of mind. So that's very clear in your email. Your mind knows what to do and what not to do, but your heart keeps taking you back again. So it's a battle. This is a battle of attrition between the heart and the mind. The mind needs to win, the heart doesn't get to win. Y'all, don't listen to people that say follow your heart, go with your gut. Reject those things. Don't go with your gut.

Don't follow your heart. Use your brain. Now, it's great to have feelings, it's great to have the heart could lead you passionately somewhere, but the brain needs to be the one directing. So it's like if the heart's the engine of the truck and it's going it's revving up, but your brain's the steering will and the breaks your brain gets to say accelerator down, break on, turn left, and the heart's just read in reven reven revin reven. Okay, so you need both, and it's good to have both.

The truck needs both, but you need to be able to direct it with your mind. Use your mind, not your heart. Turn this daring with your mind, Accelerate with your mind, hit the brakes with your mind, and let all the reven be done by your heart. Okay, So the Bible says, you said you're taking the wrong path. You're going against God's word. The Bible says that the heart is wicked and deceitful, and we can't control it. So what does that mean. It's like, well, what do

you mean we can't control it? Well, what do we do? Surrender prayer back into God's word? We say, God, God, I'm failing. I'm failing this this specific thing. I'm doing this again. I can't stop it. Lead me, not into temptation, Deliver me. Turn my heart around. The Bible says that my heart is in the palm of your hand. You can direct it how you want. Turn it this way, turn it back to you, turn it back to the light. I don't want to walk in the dark anymore. I'm

tired of walking in the dark. I don't want to go there. Take me back to the light, directly to the light. Turn me this way. I can't do it alone. I need you. I'm totally surrendering to you. I'm in the boat and I'm pulling down the sails and I'm throwing the oars in the water, and I'm saying, you guide this boat because I'm tired. I'm struggling, my arms are weak, I'm tired of rowing. I'm tired of the wind taking me every which way. So you take me.

You control the source of this river. You can control the destination of this river. You can control the current of this river. And I'm just sitting in the boat. Take me there. I surrender to you. That's it. And until you do that, until you decide to throw the oars in the water, to take your sails down, to surrender to that, You're probably gonna keep slipping back into the dark. That's the beauty of it. Isn't that amazing?

Isn't that amazing? Just surrender. We hate that word in the US, In fact, most of the world, we hate that surrender. We don't like throwing in the towel, we don't like waving a white flag, we don't like the words surrender because that shows weakness. It defines weakness in us. But God says, yes, yes, that defines weakness in you, and I have the power. So give it back to me. Let me do it, Let me do it for you. Surrender to me, get back in my word, get back

and get back on your knees. It's like God, I'm back on I'm back here again. I'm acting. I'm asking the same thing again, but I'm circling the wagons on this and I'm not gonna let this go. I'm giving it back to you. Change my heart, take me, take me back out of the dark, back in the light. That's it, Devin, Let's hit up one more here. Subjiccline says depression. Hey, Grangeer, my name is Carson. I'm a huge fan, absolutely love your music in your podcast. I

listen all the time. My question for you today is what's the best advice I can give someone who's dealing with depression and how I can keep them to see how beautiful life is. Thank you and God bless ye yee say how to earl for me? Sincerely, Carson. Yeah, Depression, it's a big thing. It's an epidemic in this country. Here's the epidemics in this country that I've learned from this podcast. Heartbreak, loneliness, and depression, and sometimes all three

are related. In fact, a lot of times all three are related. Heartbreak includes grief. Heartbreak is a form of grief. It's a broken heart from losing somebody or not having something, some dream, something you've always wanted or always thought you could have. It's gone heartbreak, grief, loneliness. Sometimes you could be lonely with somebody, sometimes you could be lonely alone. And the depression is the final result of all this together.

Sometimes depression could be the result of other things, other factors, or it could be come from loneliness and heartbreak or both at the same time. But these are three epidemics I see come through on questions all the time. In fact, right now as I'm talking, someone is typing an email to me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com asking about one of those three things. I guarantee it it's epidemic

in this world. So what do you do? Your question is what's the advice I can give someone who's dealing with depression and how I could help them see how beautiful life is. That's an interesting question. Right after that you say thank you and God bless lowercase G God, lowercase G, thank you and lowercase G God bless. Interesting Interesting because because the only thing I would tell you is that creation a created being like me and you and your friend. We were created to know our creator.

Separation from our creator creates dissonance, darkness, depression, lost, not knowing what to do, not knowing how to fulfill ourselves, endlessly searching for purpose and meaning. This is like ancient stuff, like people have been writing about this for thousands of years, the meaning of life, purpose behind our life, how to find our life, how to find happiness. There are always questions, and the answer is always to create. Shun needs to

find the create tour. Once the creation finds the creator, all those answers come together. When you think about creation and you think about anything that's been created. You think about when you have a problem with your Chevy truck and you take it to your local mechanic and he goes, man, this is a Chevy thing, this is a computer thing that was built into the truck. This is beyond what I could fix. And you take it to the local Rednak who knows everything about trucks, and he goes, this

is beyond me. So what do you do? What do you do when you get those answers? You take it to the Chevy dealership, you take it back to the creator and you say, hey, you made this truck. It's not running right. I've tried other things to fix it. I've tried myself. I've gotten under the hood, I've listened to it. I've taken it to other people that know about trucks but can't fix it. It's not running right, you fix it. So then the creator of the truck goes, yeah,

we built it. We built it from scratch. We built every component of it. We put it together piece by piece. We've got the instruction manual right here. We have a copy for you. Here it is for us. It's called the Bible. So they give you the instruction manual and you look at it and you go, yeah, yeah, okay,

I see right. Here's the troubleshooting guide in the back and it says see page one six and there it is, and you go, but I can't fix that, And the creator of the truck goes, yeah, well we have that part and we know exactly why this is failing. Let me do it for you. So you go back to the creator, to the dealership, and you look at the manual and you go over it. This is how depression gets fixed. There are some times when depression is chemical imbalance in the brain and a doctor has to look

at it. So I would say, I would say, you, have you gotten to the doctor? Have you have you been diagnosed with something. I'm not talking about some kind of mental disorder that no one knows the answer for. I'm talking about, Yeah, Okay, there's the chemical imbalance right now. We could see it on the cat scan. So here's here's a treatment for it. There's that, But generally speaking, for all of it, for all the creation, we go back to the creator. So so Carson, you direct him

back to his maker. You'd make him look back at his maker, because then he sees his maker and he sees, oh, there's something bigger. There's a source to the river, there's a destination, there's a purpose, there's a path, there's a plan, and it's not mine and it's not my ores that do it. It's not the sale on this boat that does it. It's not this motor back here that keeps failing. And it's running out of gas and it's not running right and I can't get it started. It's none of that.

It's the source of the river that's pushing the water in one direction. And it has a purpose. Even though it has turns and twists and obstacles and boulders and bridges that have gone down, and rapids and shallow and deep and calm, it all has a purpose because it's coming from a source. It's coming from a creator. So you direct your friend back at that, so he goes, Oh, this isn't just meaningless. This life isn't purposeless. The suffering that I've been through matters for me. It's refining me

like gold and a hot fire. It's making me more pure, more perfect, so that I could get closer to the destination. That way, it's like a father disciplining his child. Oh, I get it now, I'm being disciplined so that I could be better, so that I could be better for what I need my purpose to be. I get it. There's some roadmap now. Depression is so dark and it just envelops you when you realize what's the purpose? Who cares? Why does it matter? Why should I even wake up tomorrow?

That's a scary, scary thought. Why should why? What's the purpose? Why to even wake up tomorrow? So you redirect them back to the creator and you go, there is a purpose for you. As much as you can't see it. It It doesn't matter if you can't see it. A little twig floating down the river can't see the final destination. It just goes. And if it worried about that final destination, it would just go every which way and get lost and sink. So you go. You don't have to know

the purpose. You just have to know that someone else made a purpose for you, and it matters and you matter for that. Direct them back there. Love you guys, See you next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the Granger Smith Podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and the notification spell so that you

never miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a question for me that you would like me to answer, email Graingersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Yigi