#143 Debunking the myth about happiness

this podcast, Welcome. We put out new episodes every Monday. We talk about your questions. I answer your questions. You could email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. I'll put it in the queue. I asked you just kind of keep it an iPhone link and don't send it multiple times, and then we're going to talk about it as though me and you are sitting around a campfire long form. You asked me something, something that's been on your mind, and I'm gonna answer like me and you

are friends. That's what this is all about. This is episode one forty three. Let's dig into it. First question, subject line says I don't love my wife. Says Hey, Grangeer, I'd like to remain anonymous. Long time follower of your music, but first time listener of the podcast. It's been helping me tremendously with deep issues I'm dealing with. To dive straight into this after listening to a recent episode of Yours where you said, if you have to think about

loving her, then you actually don't. So it made me think and realize that I never did love my wife. I love what she's given me, but I don't love her. My wife and I met right after i'd gotten out of a rough relationship when we were nineteen. We got married less than a month after that, and we barely knew each other. We're now twenty six, and every day this haunts me. We have a two year old daughter, and I honestly have no idea what to do. I know what the right thing to do is, However I

feel like it could be the wrong choice. I have caught my wife sending illicit photos on three separate occasions to three separate people, and I currently suspect she's talking to someone else right now, though I cannot prove it. She's very private about her phone and deletes everything every day. It's a gut feeling I have, and everyone has always said that you need to trust your gut. I have been asking God for a sign on what to do, and have recently surrendered myself to God and asked him

to guide me. And I believe that God brought me to your podcast to ask for guidance from an outside source. There is obviously way more to this and way more to be said, but I don't want this email to be too long, So my short story question is what should I do. I don't believe I've ever loved my wife, and my daughter always comes first in my mind. My wife gets jealous of our daughter and my relationship and

accuses me of loving her more, which I do. Also, my wife every day accuses me of either talking to someone else or thinking about leaving her or sometimes wrong, or that that's sometimes wrong. Whenever I'm quiet, I'll stop right here. So this email didn't get too long, but please reply back. Thank you. I hope to hear from you soon. Anonymous, thank you for emailing buddy. You asked from my opinion, and you're going to get it, and

you're not gonna like it. And I don't think you're going to follow it because it sounds like you have made your mind up. But I'm gonna plead the case. Plead my case to you, because you came here on this podcast, and I'm gonna plead my case to you and to anyone else that might be listening and going through something similar. I'm also going to plead the case for someone that's nineteen like you once were, that's single

and lonely and looking for a relationship. And I'm going to say, to that nineteen year old looking for a relationship that's very, very lonely, do you want to be in a situation like this? Don't rush it, wait, wait it out. You could be here. You could be in this situation. So let's dive in now that I've given you an intro to that I don't think you're going to like, where do I start? I'm gonna start with God.

But you mentioned God three times in this email, and you have a capital G, and you say you have surrendered. What we do in a situation like this is we turn to God's word. So there's three there's three points of action to heavy dilemma. The three points of action is read the word, pray, and ask for wise counsel. It's apparent that you're doing all three if you're reading the word I know you said you're praying, you've surrendered. You're asking this podcast. I would suggest also asking wise

counsel at a church. Your story is not unique, it's not new. It's not going to shock anybody because a lot of people are going through this, so no one's going to go, Wow, this is the craziest story I've ever heard, like just common. But here's the thing, anonymous. God's word very clearly says you stay in the marriage and you fight for it because your love at this point is a decision. It is a choice. You don't follow your gut. Don't follow your gut, you said, everyone

tells you to do that. I'm telling you maybe I'm the only one saying, don't follow your gut. That your heart. The Bible says your heart is deceitful, it is wicked, and so is mine, and so we follow our minds. And when you read the Word, it says that your marriage is a covenant and that what God has brought together,

no man can separate. Now, I understand that there there are things that Jesus said, like adultery that allows you a loophole, But he said that because man messed up to begin with, so that's not an excuse that you look for. You have already declared your wife guilty until proven innocent, not because she's an inherently bad person, but because you're trying to find a way out. You're trying to find a loophole so that that court paper looks a little bit better and you can keep custody of

your daughter, or fifty percent custody of your daughter. That's what your brain is doing. You have decided she is guilty. This was a wrong decision. You need out. You have made up your mind in this situation because your heart has been deceitful to you. Your heart has lied to you. When God's word says that this marriage is precious, that this marriage matters, you can't go to God and say

I surrender. Now. What should I do when the word clearly says clearly that you need to stay in this marriage. You need to fight for this marriage. What does it say to your daughter if you leave this marriage In twenty years, she's going to be in a serious relationship thinking about this decision you made, and she's gonna think to herself, well, marriage is not that big a deal. It's not permanent. Because dad left, Mom is that the message you want to send to her. And let me

tell you something else. The reason the Bible says this, it's not to cancuff us or to make us have miserable, loveless lives. It's because, as our creator that created us in a certain way, he knows where our ultimate joy is going to come from him, and so he builds us in a way, and he gives us the instructions to follow him and to follow his word so that we may have joy and hope and peace and love, not in our own way, like you're trying to create your own way. The only way that things are created

new is from God. He makes the rivers in the desert, He makes things new. He's the one that can turn your heart back to her. So a total surrender, like you're saying, is God, I I don't love her, I am hurting, I am lost. I need direction. So I surrender to you because you have my heart in your hands. That's what the Bible says. It's got your heart in his hands. He could turn it any which way he

wants to. So you say, God, I need I know that your word says to stay in this marriage, but I don't feel that so I need I need you to change my feeling. I need you to change my heart, make my eyes adore her again, turn my heart to her again, so that I could love her. And maybe you're thinking, well, I never did well. At nineteen, you found her and something happened so much so that you

rushed into a marriage one month later. You must have been really attracted or something about her really compelled you, and then something else really compelled you enough to consummate that wedding and make a baby. Like it wasn't that wasn't nothing. It wasn't like there was zero attraction. There was something there. So now you go to God and you just go God. I know, I know what your word says. And I'm staying for my wife, I'm staying

for my baby, and ultimately I'm staying for you. But I also want to feel joy and peace and hope, and I need you to turn my heart. And then your point of action, your action to your faith, is saying, hey, we're gonna go on a date. We're gonna go and we're gonna do counseling, we're gonna work on this. Why do you think she's jealous of you and your daughter? Because you're actually loving your daughter more. She sees that

that's easy. Why do you think she's maybe cheating or sending pictures to somebody because she doesn't feel the love from you. You're blaming her for something that you have done. It's easy to see from my perspective, from this chair and this table and this podcast, it's easy to see. Of course she's talking to somebody else. Of course she's jealous of you and your daughter because you're not giving her anything, because you've already made up your mind. You

don't want to be here. You have accused her guilty. That's just not what God's words said. Now, you said you feel like God has led you to this podcast to come and give you an outside perspective answer. Now, I'm here to tell you. I think I think you're right, and I think God led you to this podcast so that I could lead you back to his word that says stay with this marriage, fight for it. The easy thing for you to do right now, Anonymous. The easy thing is to go to the courthouse and file some

papers and get out. But God says you do that, you're going to get into another marriage one day, and there will be zero trust in that next marriage, because your next wife will go why did you get out of that marriage? And you'll go, yeah, I just didn't love her. You didn't, but you must have thought you did. Yeah, I thought it did, but it didn't. So do you

love me? Yeah? Of course I love you. Well, there's zero trust because you cannot prove to her that you stood in front of family and courthouse and friends or whatever you did. You stood up in front and said sickness and health and death to us part. I will love you forever. That's what you said in your vows, and you're gonna say it again, and you're a man that can't be trusted with vows a second time. A lot of people are listening, going, I'm remarried, and it's great.

There's always these like exceptions. But you're asking me what God says. And I'm telling you, I don't think you're going to listen, and I don't think this matters to you, but you did ask me on this podcast, and I'm directing you back that you have to fight for this marriage. You might not love her, but think about the thousands of years before you, when people were in arranged marriages, when they never even met till the day they got married, and they stayed together the rest of their lives. We

don't live in a fairy tale. This is not the movies where it just appears that people are always infatuated with each other for fifty years. Sometimes we can confuse infatuation, like I was talking about it in the other podcast. We can confuse that infatuation with true love that takes work. With true love that's more than just a feeling, like a fleeting feeling knees or weak and you get goosebumps.

That's bigger than that. It's better than that. Stay with it, Anonymous, Pray that your heart has changed because you have a daughter. It matters. You have a wife. It matters when you're old and sitting in a rock and chair on the front porch. It doesn't matter what she looks like. You've made a commitment to her and you will love her. I'm sorry you're going through this, but I do feel like you came to this podcast for a reason. You're asking for God's word. It's clear. It's clear. Read it.

Read God's word about marriage. It's clear. What a way to start. Okay, next question, it says, Hey Granger, I'm thirty two. I'm from Las Vegas. I listen to your podcast all the time while at work, and I always look forward for the next episode to come out. Thank you, Buddy, says, let me get right to this. So I've been struggling mentally on how much I've lost patience. I have a two year old little boy, and my old lady has

two girls of her own, eight and almost thirteen. I get frustrated so easily, and my girl tells me that I need to learn more patience, and she's one hundred percent right. When I'm trying to get my son down for a nap or bed, he's always just fighting with me, And sometimes it gets so frustrating. It feels like I'm always turning into an angry guy sometimes and I get a little sappy, snappy, or have an attitude. Sometimes that's not who I am. I'm usually always happy guy, but

sometimes the kids just frustrate with me. I would just love some tricks on how to get better as a man and a father. I'm not open. I'm not one to open up about my problems, but I'm lost inside. My head is crying out for advice. Thanks God, bless A question comes from Chad thirty two, Las Vegas. Dude, thank you for listening to this podcast. Thank you for

listening while you're working. I'm glad that it has mattered to you, because it matters to you now, it matters to me, and there's a lot of things I could be doing filling up my days instead of sitting in front of the microphone hoping that somebody's listening. So the fact that it matters to you makes it worth it to me. So Chad, thank you, brother. What you're feeling is very normal. Two year olds are monsters. They're absolute monsters. So of course you're frustrated with a two year old, like,

that's not something new, that's not something weird. They're little monsters, as Jordan Peterson says, they're little rats. Now they're cute. They're so cute. I believe God made two year olds so cute so you don't kill them, and he made them so small so they don't kill you, because they would kill you. If a two year old was bigger than you and they could during one of those tipper tantrums,

they would kill you. So buddy, uh, this is a season you're in and this is going to fly by your your baby boy is going to be three and then then they're going to be four and five, like in a blink of an eye. So the old you have to flip your mentality instead of I am so frustrated right now with this child into thinking this is just a phase. This child, this child is going through a phase that's going to be just a blink of an eye. It's like a small town map dot. You

blink and you miss it. That's what two is. It's not easy, and it's harder. I believe it's harder for men sometimes because I think women are are better attuned to a small child than a man, and I believe men a man is more in tune for a teenager in raising that kind of child. Now we overlap, and we we're both good at certain things, but I just think, genuine genuinely, generally, a woman is better at dealing with

a two year old than a man. You're coming home from work, you're tired, your your your patience is low. Keep fighting the good fight, brother, and that's what it is. You're keep struggling righteously. Right, Just just hang in there, hang in there, knowing that this is gonna pass. And look at that baby and just think, man two, it's

gonna go by so fast. I love this baby boy, and he's gonna be a man one day, most of his life, most of this two year old's life, it's going to be an adult talking back to you, God willing. So this two year old stage is gone. It's so fast. So when you get frustrated and he's thrown a timber tantrum and he doesn't want to eat, or he doesn't want to sleep, or doesn't want to take a bath, just take a second and take a breath. Take a breath. Breathe all the way out and all the way in.

It's just a child, and it's normal. You did the same thing to your mom and dad. Everyone listening did the same thing to their parents. It's called the Terrible twos for a reason. This is not new. Take a breath. This is gonna pass. It's gonna be over in a blink of an eye. Sail your ship, you got it. It's turbulent water. You're gonna make it. You're gonna make it. Take a breath. If you got if you got to take a second, go out in the backyard, just yell,

do it. Come back in recenter. Okay, I'm not gonna let this child run my life, run my patience into the ground. Yes I'm tired, Yeah I'm hungry, but I'm not gonna let this child, who doesn't know any better, dictate my total mental state. Recenter reciner, you're the dad, take control of this household. You got this question. Subject line says drinking and driving. Hey Grange, I want to remain anonymous. I live in Georgia. I'm thirty five years old.

Ever since I moved out of my parents' house, I started drinking alcohol and Friday and Saturday nights hanging out with my friends. It's always taught by my Christian parents that it was wrong, but I still did it well. This past weekend, I thought it was a good idea and it wasn't and I got a DUI. How do I get past this and how to get more focused on serving Jesus? Thanks Anonymous. I'm sorry, brother. This is this is tough. This is a this is the consequence

of a mistake that is costly. I know the DUIs are expensive and it's going to take a long time to clear this off your record, to get off probation, to get your driver's license back. Whatever that might entail and it's just really the fine is really really expensive. So you got you got a long you got a long road ahead of you. An uphill climb, absolutely doable. A lot of people do it. It's gonna depend on

your mentality. Are you the kind of person that's going to turn back to drinking and get another one and then you're really in trouble, Then you're going to jail, maybe getting a car accident and kill somebody and then go into prison for manslaughter. Are you the other side of the coin that goes no, I'm I learned my lesson. I'm gonna get better now. You sound like that. That's what your email sounds like. You sound like the person that's like, man, I learned my lesson. I'm gonna get

better at this. So Jesus is not the you do I How do I say this? I hope I could say this with all due respect to you, But we don't clean ourselves up and go to Jesus. There's a there's not a time when we Now every other religion is gonna say that you you clean up and you get your life together in order, and then you go to Jesus and then you're worthy of him when you're finally cleaned up. It's not Christianity. Jesus finds us as we're broken. He came to earth, as he said, he

came to save sinners like me and you. So sometimes it takes something like this, something bad to open our eyes. It's unfortunate, but it's like sometimes when you're let's go back to the two year old, right, So we just had to have the email about the two year old. Sometimes a two year old will will pull up on the couch and you say, don't do that, don't do that because the rug is slippery, don't do that, and they don't listen to you. They kind of mock you

and look back and they're not paying attention. And so his parents. One thing we can do is we could just go, Okay, I'm gonna let you stay there for a second. I'm gonna let you see what happens when you're on that slippery rug on that couch. I'm just making up as hypothetical. And then they fall and then they they bang up their elbow and then they cry and then you pick them up and you say, buddy, I told you, I told you not to do that. You did it, and now you're paying the consequence you gotta.

You got a bruised elbow. Now God is a father, and I believe, I believe so many times he does the same thing to us. It's like, you want to you don't want to listen to the word. And okay, let's see what happens. You're a rebel. Let's see what happens to rebels. But whenever you finish being a rebel, whenever you're standing there with your bruised elbow and you're crying, turn back to me. Turn back to me. That's the story. That's the story of Jesus. So you want to get

past this and start focusing more and serving him. Now you got a bruised elbow. Now you're ready. You're in a perfect place. This is that's not a bad thing, that's a beautiful thing. Now you're at a place when you're ready. You weren't ready before, before the bruised elbow. You weren't ready to turn and listen. But he was always there. You didn't have to clean up your life to get close to him. He was always always there ready.

So what do you do now? Dive into the word, start going to church, make a priority on Sundays to go to church. Start surrounding yourself with better friends. Better friends that can keep you accountable, that say, hey, man, you're getting drunk again. You getting behind the wheel again. Don't do that, don't do that. Those are the friends you need now, not the friends that go Man, can you be our designated driver? We're going out Friday. Those

are the friends you don't need anymore. I believe you've learned your lesson from that, and who you are is the company that you keep. So look at the five people that are closest to you. Make a big note about those five people, because those five people that are surrounding you at all times more than anybody else. That's who you are. You will always assimilate to that group, that five, So it might be time for some new ones. Those are the three things I would tell you to do.

I'm sorry that you had to bruise your elbow, but I think it's a good thing. I think you're in a great place. Let's take a break and beerer back. Thank y'all for listening to the Granger Smith podcast. If you want to hear more, we put out a new episode every single Monday morning. If you want to find out ways to get a hold of me. You could email Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. If you want a special message from me, this is really cool, go

to cameo dot com slash grangersmith. Ask for anything you need, maybe a birthday shout out a little word of encouragement, happy engagement, whatever it might be. Go to cameo dot com slash Grangersmith. I'll make you a personal video message. You could also download the cameo app and search for me granger Smith. I'll make you any kind of video and send it to you personalized anytime you want. Go to cameo dot com slash Grangersmith or download the cameo app.

Of course you know this, but if you ever want to sport some Yee apparel or anything related to Yee, go to ye Ye dot com. Let's get back to your questions, all right. Next question says single mom Dating Standards. Hey Granger, new listener here, I follow Yeeee and I've heard of your podcast. My question is I'm divorced, single mother for the last five years of an amazing little boy. His father chooses when he wants to be part of his life. I'm also the sole provider and have been.

I'm a godfearing woman and raising my son to be a godfearing man. I've healed from all of my abusive marriage and I'm proud of that, all glory to God. But I do badly want a partner and a father figure in my son's life who loves the Lord. I go to church every week, I work children's ministry, I work full time, and then I'm also a full time mom. I'm overweight, which I'm trying to work on, but I

feel like that's what's stopping my dating life. I have no dating life, and my son is at that age when he's having no man to look up to, and that's becoming more and more difficult. He's eight years old. I could show a mother's love all day, but there's something different with boys and their fathers. I'm ready for a marriage and a bigger family. Lord knows it, but I don't want to just settle for just any guy again. What do you suggest? Thank you for always being so

encouraging and pointing us back to him. Anonymous fan, So Anonymous, this is interesting. So for everyone else listening, remember the first question I answered on this podcast in the first section. This is the result of the divorce. If you give up on your marriage, this is what happens. This is now a single mom in that other case with a daughter who's looking for a man and looking for that father figure for a seven or eight year old daughter.

This is the end result. So we could always see through these questions as we listen to this podcast, we could see all the different stages of life and relationships. We could see the ones that if we follow a path that God's given us, or if we follow our own heart and chase after our own desires, we could see the result. It's very easy to see. Okay, So Anonymous,

thank you for emailing. Thank you for this question. This is a hard thing you're in and I do have sympathy for that, and it sounds like you're doing some

great things. You sound like an amazing woman. My first thought that comes to my mind is reading through the Psalms, like read through the Psalms like in the twenties, Psalm twenty twenty one, twenty two, twenty three, twenty four to twenty five, and you're gonna see so much in those Psalms of David in his heart, which is a man after God's own heart, and you can see a lot of things about waiting, waiting. I wait for you, Lord, I will wait for you. I wait for the Lord. Wait, wait, wait,

wait for the Lord. He has a plan, he has a purpose. Trust and surrender to that and wait. Now that is so hard to understand, so difficult to swallow. But that's the truth. Anything less than that, anything less than you waiting, is a lack of trust. Now, you are a god freeing woman, according to your words. You go to church every week, you work in children's ministry. But there is a lack of trust. I'm not accusing you, because we all do at some level, all of us.

But I just I'm pointing it back to you that that if you're going what's going on? Will I ever find someone I don't want to settle I I don't, don't, don't, can't, can't, won't, won't. It's a lack of trust. That's that's not an easy thing. But it's like this, It's like God on your knees at night, Anonymous God. I am surrendering to you because I know you have a purpose for my life that's already written. You have a plan for me, you have a purpose, you have a path for me. That's laid out.

Let me surrender to that path. Let me surrender knowing that your purpose is better than mine. I could try all I want to navigate and take the wheel and try to turn this ship however I want to go, But your path is better. You make things new, you restore marriages, you create rivers in the desert. That's you, the creator of this universe. I surrender to that. So I'm gonna rest and that and I'm gonna wait on it. I'm gonna wait for you. Say that and preach it

to your heart, even if you don't believe it. Sometimes we have to say things out loud and let our heart catch up to that later. But you know that that's the truth, and you know that that's the word. Wait for the Lord. He has glory plan for you, So wait it out and preach it to your heart. And your heart says, no, I don't want to wait. I wanna find somebody now, and I'm overweight and I have problems and I and my son is getting older

and he needs a father and I don't. And just then preach it back and say, wait, wait for the Lord. I surrender. I trust his purpose, his plan, his will not mine. I wait, I wait, I wait, I wait, and say that to yourself and then get back on your knees and go God. I'm waiting for you. I pray that you just brings a man into my life. I'm working, I'm busy, I don't know where to look, and so I can anymore. And I'm gonna give it

back to you. I'm not gonna worry about it. I'm not gonna force this square peg in a round hole. And I'm gonna say to God, I trust you that you're gonna bring up. But I'm asking for a godly man to come into my life for my son. And if it doesn't come tomorrow, I'll pray it again. But I'm not gonna worry and I'm not gonna get angry about it, because your purpose is better than mine. So I'm gonna wait, wait for you. I'm gonna wait for you and then preach it back to your heart again.

I'll wait for the Lord. I wait for the Lord. His purpose not mine, his will not mine. He has a path, he makes rivers in the desert. I will wait for the Lord. If you don't believe that, then you're just not trusting. Do that, Do that? Man. Next question, subject line depressed and single. Here we go, Hey, gradeer. My name is Jacob. I'm from West Virginia. I'm twenty three years old, never had a girlfriend, and I really want one. I've been on tender Bumble and a few

other dating websites and I still can't find one. I'm not really going out. I'm quiet, I'm shy, so I'm not the type to go out to bars and parties to look for a girlfriend. I've been praying to God for what seems like forever to bring me a girlfriend and a future wife. But all my buddies either have a girlfriend or they're getting married, and I just feel left out at this point, I don't even know what to do. Please help appreciate it. Jacob from West Virginia.

You're making a good case. You're making a good case to complete. Is this episode is like full circle? Okay, Jacob, you're making a case of a desperate man you're becoming. You're slowly letting your heart take over, and it's making you desperate. And the more desperate you let your wild, wicked heart be and it convinces your mind. That's how it works. Starts in the gut, follow your gut, follow

your gut. Reject that. The more you let your wild, wicked heart run free and act desperate, the more it convinces your mind that you are desperate, and that everyone else has a good life, and everyone else has a girlfriend, and they're all getting married and oh, trust me, everyone that's getting married's gonna have a great life. Have I not debunked that in this entire podcast, if you're listening to this, Jacob, have I not debunked that thought that

getting married doesn't bring you ultimate happiness right away? Having a girlfriend doesn't bring you happiness. Relax. Take a breath, like the guy with the two year old. Take a breath. This is a season. Wait for the lord. Get a hobby, Go get go, join a club and do something that you love with other guy friends. Wait, this is a season. You're gonna have an entire life to be married. You were twenty three. It's extremely young. You got a lot of life. I was not married at twenty three. There

are a lot of girls out there. You don't need to be on tender and bumble and dating apps. I understand your shy. Overcome it. Instead of working on finding a girl on tender and bumble. Instead of worrying and taking all the think how much effort it takes to worry about finding a girl and how you're gonna do it. Instead of all that energy going that direction, put the energy on overcoming your shyness in small increments, baby steps, like I don't like going out where other girls are

or parties. Try it. It's not easy for a shy person to go to a party. Float in there and hang on the wall like a fly, go with some friends, be in a group, be surrounded by a group. Work on that, and don't go there with the intention of finding a girlfriend. Not that many people find girlfriends at parties anyway. It comes through other ways, Like that's a rare thing to do any So that's not like the

future wife is at the party. It's like no one's saying that the future wife is at the bar like that. Why would you want that anyway? I know that people do that, but is that what you want? Like that's the girl you want is one you found at a bar. Learn to be content in the situation you're in now. If you don't figure this out, if you don't rest on that contentment in the place you are right now, in your life. It's setting you up for failure in

a relationship. Let me say it again. If you don't find contentment in the place in your life that you are right now, you are setting yourself up for failure in a future relationship because you will have become desperate. And a desperate way into a relationship is not a good one. That's not a good way to get into a relationship because you're desperately looking for one. It turns off people, It sets off your mood, It causes fights, it causes jealousy and anxiety. That is worse than being

where you are now. Listen. I saw this Bonanza episode. It's an old western a long time ago. It impacted me so much. I was a kid when I saw this, and I still think about it. But these cowboys go up this mountain a long way and there's this old man at the top of the mountain in a cabin. The cowboys come in and they say, you live here all alone. The old guy says, yep. One of the cowboys says, must be lonely. The old man looks him dead in the eye and says, it's better to be

lonely alone than lonely with somebody else. I never forgot that. That's you. That is your email. It is better to be lonely alone than lonely with somebody else. Can I say it again louder please, so y'all could hear me. It's better to be lonely alone than lonely with somebody else. If you get desperate, if you stop being content with who you are, you are going to get into a relationship where you are lonely alone. And that's a bad place to be. Wait. Work on contentment, work on your shyness.

Small increments, you'll get there. It will happen. Getting all worked up today, y'all. Next question, subject line says, I just graduated high school and I'm seeking advice. Hey, Grangeer, just graduated high school. I have a great girlfriend. I'm currently living at home. I'm hoping to get married in two to three years. I'm eighteen. I want to move out, but I think it's not the right move because I also want to be saving money for my future. Any

advice you could give me would be amazing. By the way, my name is whalan great name Whalen. Thanks for the email. Brother. We are continuing the theme here on today's episode, So here's what I wan to say about this. You are currently living at home, you're hoping to get married in two to three years, and you're eighteen, and you want to move out, but you don't think it's the right move because you want to save money. I don't ever, ever, I don't ever think it's the right thing to do

to live at home to save money when you're eighteen. No, I wouldn't let I'm not going to let my kids do it. My parents didn't let me do it. Get out of the house. Eighteen is a good age. If you look back in history and you look at all the different cultures and tru of humans, there was always something set up about your age about eighteen where you kicked them out of the nest because that is the best education you could have. Saving money is not a

good enough reason to live at home. I know a lot of people are disagreeing right now as they're listening. No way, no way, save money. No, get out of the house. Pack your bags today when you hear this podcast, and get out and go find a job and learn how to earn money, and learn how to pay bills on an apartment and utilities. I don't care if you have to stay on someone's couch and pay them for the couch, pay someone thirty dollars a month to stay

on their couch whatever. This is not about money. Saving money in your parents' house will be lost in the long run. It is not a good financial plan to save money on rent so that you could build it up so you can get married in three years when you're twenty one, which is super young to be married. Have I not proven that point already with a nineteen year old who got married and now he's worried it

was too soon. These are warning signs. Get out of the house, get a job, go to a trade school and work a double job to pay for the trade school. Get a cheap apartment, Live on a friend's couch, Live in a friend's laundry room with towels and a pillow. Get out of the house. It is not a good financial plan to stay and save money from mommy and daddy as they make you grilled cheese sandwiches. I am not trying to offend you. Please, Whylan, don't take this

as an offensive statement. I'm saying it because I genuinely have a love for you and all the people that email because we have a connection through this pot and through ye nation. And I have zero reason to stand on a pedestal and look down on anybody and to judge anybody. I have zero reason, like I will not do this podcast if it's about me flexing and trying to judge and say I'm better. That's not what this

is about. And I am genuinely saying this out of love for you, because I genuinely feel like this is the best move for you to be your best person, for you to gain Did you hear me talk to the guy right before this that was shy, or the girl that was shy, or guy all of them guys, girls, they're shy. That this shyness is cultivated by living at

home for too long. What makes you an outgoing person is getting out of the house and renting an apartment or a couch or a laundry room with a towel and learning that responsibility of paining utilities of oh my rents, my electric bills late, they're going to cut it off.

I remember me at that age, electric bill going late and the guy coming down the street and flipping the switch at seven am while I'm still in bed, and the power goes off in the summertime in Texas and the air conditioning stops because I didn't pay the bill on time. Like, those are life lessons that I can't learn at mommy and Daddy's house while she's making me

honey nut cheerios. This is so valuable. That money that you're saving is not worth it because it's worthless because you don't know how to save it or spend it. You will learn that when the electricity gets cut off in the summer and you don't have a girl cheese and honey nut cheerios in the cabinet. You go, Okay, I need to straighten myself up. I need to go out. I need to ask for a raise. I need to get a second job. I need to go to trade school or go to college. I need to look for

a scholarship. I need to work a third job. To figure this out, and then guess what happens all that, through those life circumstances, through that electricity getting cut off, through the empty honey nut cheerios box, now you're learning how to make money and save it and budget it and spend it in the right ways. Now you're learning. Now you're on a path it doesn't matter how much two or three thousand dollars you saved it. Mommy's get out.

It's going to prove something to this current girlfriend. You have to tell her this. Say it's time for me to be a man. I'm old enough to go to the military. I'm old enough to learn how to be a man, and that starts with me leaving the nest, getting kicked out and going and starting my life. Do this, do this? Whalan anyone else listening? You're disagreeing. I already know it. If this goes on TikTok, you're gonna comment and say you hate me and I'm wrong? Am I

the am I? It's interesting. Let's hit one more question. What should I go to next? How about this one? Anxiety and depression? Hey Granger, Lately my life has been throwing shots at me and it doesn't feel like I'm strong enough for it. Every day gets a little harder, and I really don't see a good reason to stay around if life always hurts this bad every day. I'm so anxious, always worrying. It feels like my brain is attacking me. Let me rephrase that. It says it feels

like my brain is under attack. And I'm the one attacking it. I feel like it's always my fault and I feel this way and blame myself and I can't fix it. I'm at a loss. Any advice is helpful. Thank you. Question comes from Drayton. Drayton, because you asked him, because you came to this podcast. I will tell you that Jesus says, come to him. His yoke is easy

and his burden is light. Bring your cares to him, Lay it at his feet, surrender to him as the one and only God in the flesh, who came to earth two thousand years ago, was crucified, bore the weight of our sins, supplemented all of our problems, all of our inequity, and inequitd in all of our things. I am so worked up right now from this, from this podcast. Lay it all at his feet, Go to him, run to him, and the power, the power of God is in the Gospel. What I'm telling you right now this

is in Romans one. You are lost, you're under attack, you're worrying, you're anxious, and that is normal. That is a normal human thing. I've been there, I felt it. This is uh, this is the greatest day of your lif if you listen to me, and if you don't listen to me, then you're gonna see more of the same.

Run to him, Get on your knees and say, Granger said that there's this, that you're out there Jesus, and that you have you've taken the weight of all my burden on your shoulders with your blood, through your sacrifice. That you were resurrected three days after you were killed. That's miraculous. That's never happened ever in human history. No human has died and three days later come back to life. That is something only God can do. Why why did he do that? Read about it. That's the story of

the gospel. You learn that you go to his feet and you lay it all down, and you will be restored, renewed. You will replace this anxiety and worrying and anxiousness. You'll replace it all for hope, hope. That cannot lead us astray. It cannot be something that lets us down. This is the best news I could ever tell you, Drayden. I could go so much deeper into this, and I could analyze your question, but you didn't go into any detail, and so I'm not gonna need to go into any

detail besides run to Jesus. If you don't hear that message, then you're gonna join a lot of people that don't. But if you do, you're gonna join a few that do. And you're gonna feel it and then email me back and say I feel it. Email me back, Drayton. I love you guys. Sorry, I got so worked up on this podcast. Let's see you next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the granger Smith Podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me out by rating this

podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that little like button and notification spell that you never miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a question for me that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Ye