#134 To anyone going through a heartbreak

walking through them like we're sitting around a campfire. If you have a question for me, email Granger Smith Podcast at gmail dot com. We'll put it in the queue. I have no notes. I only have my phone where I am reading your emails. That's all I'm doing. So

you could take this with a grain of salt. I'm not always right on these and they're about all different subjects, but you could take it as if you're sitting around with a friend and I'm just telling you, at first glance of your question, how I would walk through it with you like we're friends. And I feel like we are. So let's jump into this. I'm just gonna randomly hit some of these emails this one says subject line overthinking. Hey Gringer, my name is Ashton. I'm fifteen years old.

I live in Massachusetts. Lately, I've been overthinking a lot of things that seem relatively easy for other people. I've also been constantly thinking about the future more than I have been living my own life in the current moment. So here's my question. Do you have any advice on how to help with this process and how to make me better? Thanks? I love your music. It comes from Ashton, Massachusetts, fifteen years old. Great question, man, You are worrying about

the future. First of all, don't You're fifteen. But you're not going to take my advice because that's impossible. But I'm telling you from my chair looking at you and having been a fifteen year old, you have nothing to worry about. You have only your life ahead of you, brother, So try to live life in the presence. So then you think, well, how do I do that? Because I've got all this stuff I'm worried about, I'm constantly thinking

and I'm overthinking. How do I how do I be present? Well, first of all, be careful that device, that screen that you're on, because that constantly makes you unconscious. The more you're flipping through a screen, the more unconscious you are to the present moment, because that's putting you in a place where you're looking at other things, you're looking at other people, and then you're comparing yourself to those other people. That's what social media does. So avoid that when you can.

It's impossible to completely avoid it. I understand that's part of our it's integrated into our lives right now. But realize that when you go on there, you need to have a purpose. You're going on social media for a certain reason. You're going on there to look at something, or to post something, or to check something out. But then be aware that you're gonna fall unconscious to it, and ten minutes could go by quickly and then you go,

where did those ten minutes go? That's because I was scrolling through other stuff, right, So be careful of that. The other thing is to concentrate on the present. Sometimes you have to do things to make you feel present. What are those things, Well, I'll tell you what. A cold shower is something anything that gives your body out of the sense of its normal environment. So a cold shower will shock your body into a fight or flight, getting into an ice bath is the ultimate way. I'm

telling you right now. It's the quickest, most efficient, cheapest way right now for you to be present with yourself and to practice being in the present moment. That's taking an ice bath. I'm talking. Go to the gas station and get you three bags of ice. Dump it into your bathtub and fill the bathtub up. Get ready for a shock to your whole system. And if you want to get fun with it, you could do this. If you want to get fun with it, get a timer.

You should do this anyway. Get a timer and make sure you go thirty seconds at least in this ice right you're thinking I'm crazy. Right now, I'm trying to answer your question in a unique way, and I've done this many times time yourself. Thirty seconds. Get in the ice, and at first you just feel this complete shock. It feels terrible, It feels like needles are all over and you feel in pain. But when you wait thirty seconds, that's about the number that I've calculated with my personal experience.

After thirty seconds, you start going numb and all the blood in your extremities rushes to your core because it thinks we're dying right now, we're dying and we need blood to keep us warmth. So all the blood rushes from your extremities to your core. And when it hits your core and all the blood goes into the center of your body, you feel a calmness, a piece a euphoria. You could relax at that point. Now, don't go more

than three minutes at the beginning. The first time you ever do it, I wouldn't go over three minutes, and I could tell you why on a different story. I've tried this many times. But after three minutes, get out, dry off, and you're gonna notice. Then start your timer again. Okay, so watch the timer again, and about three it takes about the equal time that you were in the ice, which is if you're doing it for three minutes, about three minutes later, the blood your body goes Okay, I'm

not gonna die. I thought it was gonna die. I'm not gonna die. So it's time to circulate the blood again. So the blood goes then from your core back out to your extremities, and when it goes back out, it's cold blood, and you could feel it in your fingertips and your feet and your legs and your elbows. You could feel this cold flush go through you and it's all fresh, so your blood has recirculated your entire system

and it's really good for you. It's good to do this, and one of the benefits, one of the many benefits from this is you are present. I promise you, Ashton, if you try this, when you're in that water for those three minutes, when you're watching your time or you're literally watching seconds go by your life, precious seconds that

you can't get back, that's a good thing. And as you feel that and you're in that ice, you're not thinking about the future or things that you did in the past, or what you're gonna do tomorrow at school. You're only focused on those seconds as they tick by slowly. This is one of the many things you could do to practice being present in the moment, seiling yourself in that moment. Try this, Okay, get back to me, let me know what happens. Next question, says subject line a

struggling mom. Hey, Granger, I have a seventeen year old son who in the last year and a half has changed completely. He and I have always been close, but now he wants it's nothing to do with me. He says, he hates me. I'm not a mother to him, and he even left home for nine days. I caught him vaping and he thinks there's nothing wrong with it. I've tried to talk to him about it, but all I get is leave me alone. He was raised in church, but he's fallen away and does not want any part

of it. He has a girlfriend who's very verbally and physically abusive to him. She's even touched him in the face, but he keeps going back. Please help a desperate mother who's in need of advice, She says parentheses. I do have him in counseling. Thank you, Donna from Missouri. Shout out to Missouri Donna, thank you for emailing. That's a great question, and I'm sorry for the struggle that you're in right now. I've been seventeen, We've all been seventeen.

You've been seventeen. Where to go from here? Okay, you're right. I want to validate your feelings that you're worried. You love him, you're worried about him. You care about his well being, you care about a girlfriend that is physically and verbally abusing him, You care about his health because he's vaping, and you just want your son back, right, And we're gonna go through this with our kids one day.

Everyone that has teenagers eventually goes through this where you feel like you've lost the little boy that you once had, the little boy that you cuddled with and read storybooks too, and he asked you for advice, and he listened to you, and he called mommy, and you made him snacks. You miss that little boy. But as you know, Donna, he's gone and he's becoming a man. This is his transition into becoming a man, and he is experimenting with a

lot of things that you don't agree with. While you're encouraging him to stop these things that you don't agree with, be careful in this encouragement that you are also praising him for what he's doing. Right. He needs that. So, I mean, let's say he gets up and he makes his bed one day. Maybe maybe he does it. Maybe that's pushing it. Say he makes his bed one day, you gotta come in and you gotta go. I'm just I'm so proud of the man that you're becoming and

the responsibility that you're taking. I'm so proud at the boy that I've raised, it's now becoming a man. Make sure that you get to say those words to him. Find times during the day, watch him, study him. Find times during the day when you could you could pour that into him so that he's not only hearing the things that he does wrong. It's pushing him away. He's

hearing nagging. He's hearing things he's doing wrong. He's hearing corrections constantly, and inside he's thinking, I guess I don't do anything right, so I'll just keep doing the wrong stuff. It's not that big a deal. I just wash it off my back. All I hear is negative from mom. In fact, I don't even want to I want to leave the home right. I want to be gone for nine days because at least I'm not getting nagged. Donna.

I'm not saying that you're a nagging mother, but I'm saying I'm trying to give you suggestions of ways to poor love into him, give him positivity. Don't just tell him the things he's doing wrong, but tell him the things he's doing right. And if I were you, I would tell him equally or more times that he's doing right than the times you tell me he's doing wrong. Instead of correcting him all the time. Say you're talking about vaping, instead of saying that stuff's gonna kill you.

Stop doing the vaping. I don't know why you do this. I raised you better than this. Instead of that, say I see you're vaping a lot. Yeah, what's it to you? Mom? Hum, I don't know a lot about vaping. Can you tell me more about about what it is and why you like it so much? Can you tell me more about it? Open up a conversation so that he knows he has to explain it to you. Well, I don't know it. Relaxes me. I do it with my friends. Let him explain it to you. He knows you don't have to

tell him. But open up the conversation so at least you're talking about it. Talk to him about his girlfriend in the same way. Say do you love her? Do you treat her well? Start with that. Do you treat her well? Yeah? OK? Yeah, I treat her well? Good? That's how I raised you. I raised you to treat women well. You know that, right? Yes? Does she treat you well well? I mean I mean sometimes a lot of most of the time she does. Watch him start

stumbling through these words, But you're having a conversation. Let him answer it for you, ask her, ask him if she's if she's the best that he could do right now, she's the best girl that for you right now. Let him answer that, Let him give you the answer, Let him walk through instead of you correcting him, and make sure you're pouring positivity. Make sure you're pouring love into him. Tell him you love him, Tell him how much you're

proud of him for who he's becoming. That kind of psychology that you're going to give him is going to show him, first of all, that you love him, you're there for him, you care for him, and also that you have an expectation and that you're watching. And he's not going to want to disappoint you. He's not going to want to disappoint that version of you, the other version, the nagging version, that's no big deal to him. He's used to it. He's numb to it. Now. Okay, see

what that does for you. Scrolling through the next question. Subjecline, long distance anonymous. What's up, Granger. I'm about to graduate high school. I've been I have a pretty serious girlfriend. We've been dating for three years. It's been nothing but the best time of my life. We're going to different colleges, and we have been going back and forth on doing long distance. Her family likes me as an individual, but sees the importance of growing apart, picking up first, and

possibly rekindling a flame somewhere down the road. I personally do not see this working out if that's the route we need to take. But I do see her family is respecting me a little bit more if I were to be more successful, and I'm not let me know your thoughts. Thanks Anonymous. This is one of these instances that I've talked about before where you're answering your own

question to me and you're telling me your words. I personally do not see this working out if this is the route we need to take, and you also know, so you know two things here. You know that this is not going to work out, and you also know that this is the route you need to take because life has come to a crossroads and you're going to different colleges. You can't change colleges for her, she can't

change colleges for you. You're still in high school. And I'm not gonna deny you the idea that this is some of the best times of your life with her. There's nothing wrong with that. Good think of think of the blessing you have from having a girlfriend that you you had some great times with, as opposed to the opposite. I get a lot of emails that are that are the opposite. So look at this as I had a

great relationship, I had some great times with her. We're now going to go and go our separate ways, and it's gonna be hard. It's gonna be hard to you, Okay, it's gonna be hard for her too, But you're gonna have to let her go. This is a time when everyone listening can tell you they've been there, and you have to let her go. Go to her own college.

You go to yours experience life. Don't get caught up talking to her late at night, over and over getting up early for a test the next day, failing the test because you stayed up till three am talking to her and missing her. Protect your protect your heart in this open up, because that's going to close you off to making new friends. And you will make new friends. She will too, That's probably what you're afraid of. But she will, and if it's meant to be, you'll get

back together. Don't plan on it. Don't force that card to pop up and you play that hand. Don't do that right, go your separate ways. We have a sovereign God that has a plan for all of us, and if this is if this is meant to be, it'll happen. But you have to go through this heartbreak, you have to go through this separation, you have to go through the long distance, and don't push it. Let her go. Speaking of next question, subject line break up, Dear granger,

my name is Connor. I'm eighteen. About six months ago, I went through a heartbreak with a girl that I've been with for about two years. We shared a lot of memories and first experiences together. I'll say that a huge part of why things ended was my own mistakes, my own actions that I made. She's now moved on. We have mutual friends, and it's like everywhere I look

there's a reminder of us. Things have gotten better, but I still find myself not being able to sleep some nights because I'm wondering what she's doing and what I could have done differently. You need advice you might have would mean a lot, Connor. This is what nineties country music is all about. Brother. There have been so many songs written about your situation. You know what, that also proves that you're not the first, you're not the last,

and you're not alone. Heartbreak, ma'n heartbreak. Things that you could have done differently, mistakes that you might have made that drove her away. Now you find yourself not being able to sleep some nights, wondering what she's doing. There's a Garth Brooks on called what She's doing Now. There's literally a song called what She's doing now? Because what she's doing now is tearing me apart, filling up my

mind and empty in my heart. I can hear her call each night the cold wind blows, and I wonder if she knows what she's doing now. That's literally the heart and soul of all of nineteen nineties country music. So where do you go from here? You're eighteen, You have so much life ahead of you, and so does she understand first of all, that you're sick. You've got a heart that's broken and it's making you sick. But understanding that is a big part of your battle right now.

Understanding you're not alone. Understanding this is a natural occurring event that happens to you. Heartbreak is natural, and your heartbroken because you had a good thing at one time and you feel like you messed it up. So there's good news now, you know. Now you get to to go back and think about those things. What did I do? What did I not say to her enough? What did I not do enough? What did I do too much of?

How did I neglect her in what ways? And then and then think to yourself, one day, when I meet a girl, and you will meet a girl one day when I have another relationship, I'm not gonna make those same mistakes. I've learned from those mistakes now, and the next girl is gonna benefit from that, and you're gonna have a better relationship because of it. And then one day, you do this a couple of times in a row, one day you're gonna meet a girl, and that says,

where did you come from? You're the best guy ever, And you're gonna think I went through Helen back, and I learned, and I stayed up late nights and I cried and I and I wondered what I could have done differently, and then I correct it several times until I met you. You're not gonna tell her this, but and then I met you, and I'm better because of the track record I had. The mistakes that I made made me better now and I'm a better man, and

I'm a better boyfriend and ultimately a better husband. That's a good thing. That's a good thing. You don't have to make that mistake with your wife. Things that you didn't say or did too much of, ways that you neglected. You learn the lesson now. That doesn't make this heartbreak easier for you, but you should know that you're not alone. A lot of people feel like this, So take some time, take some time, don't jump into another relationship, don't rebound.

If I were you, I would use those sleepless nights to start talking to God. Hey God, it's me Connor. I'm broken and I'm going to read something Psalm twenty three. I'm going to read it God, because this comes from your own heart. This comes from David, a man of your your own heart. I'm gonna read this. The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want start there. There's so many songs you can get into, but start there. You're walking through the valley of the shadow of death

right now, right but you're gonna fear no evil. This is something you have to repeat to your heart. You're broken, but you're gonna be better and this will pass, and every day that goes by, it's going to get better. Don't stalk her on social media. That's only gonna restart the whole process again. Thanks for emailing brother. Next question says podcast question. Hey, I have a question for you. What camera do you use in your vlog? I love all your songs, and I just love watching the Smiths

and your family channel, and I love you radio. This question comes from Lindsay and she's from Delaware. Lindsay, when I'm vlogging, I use Sony camera. I use an A seven three. The A seven three is this one I'm looking at straight ahead, so excuse me. The A seven C is what I'm looking at in the A seven three is the side angle right here. Then I use these Sony cameras a lot. They're great for vlogging. I also have Sony lenses on them. Okay, here's another question,

says drastically changed. Now I'm lost a granteon. My name is Andrew, I'm twenty years old. I'm a college student. I found you through TikTok at a time when I was pretty low and you were talking about being single and content, and it was something I really needed to hear at the time. Shortly after that, I found Jesus, I started reading the Bible, started taking my faith seriously.

This has resulted in good changes, such as overcoming physical addictions and blocking out lustful thoughts about women, which I've been struggling with in my life. This is called rebirth, by the way. However, some of these changes I'm realizing have been I've been parading around in a persona that isn't truly me before the rebirth. I'm starting to realize

that my friends aren't really friends. I'm starting to realize that things that I once thought were fun, like having a high body county partying and hyper lustful relationship culture in college, are becoming disgusting to me. I was confident in my old body, but now that I have this mindset that's been changing drastically, I feel disconnected from myself and I'm going through the motions. I feel trapped by my life that the old me has set up for me.

My confidence is really low, and I'm noticing myself becoming a lot more bitter and distant from others. The only things I find joy in now is my family. I don't see that much because I'm in school and the time it's been reading my Bible. I trust this is all part of God's plan for me, but it's really discouraging to feel so angry, lost and lacking confidence. Any thoughts, Thanks Granger, Love the show, Andrew, Andrew, thanks for emailing. Brother.

So what's happening to you is you were reborn, You found a new love, you found salvation in Jesus. You found out that you were now eternal minded. That you realize now that Jesus defeated your sin at the cross. A man came two thousand years ago, the son of God, and he was persecuted, and he was ridiculed, and he

was killed. After living a perfect life and even performing many miracles, healing people, healing the sick, rebuking demons that were possessing people, he was ultimately killed in the worst way possible, crucifixion three days later, just as he predicted, just as he foretold, and just like so many prophets before him foretold, he was resurrected. He came back to life three days later. This happened in history with eyewitnesses, hundreds of eyewitnesses that wrote the story down that were

inspired by God, that fulfilled ancient prophecy. And Jesus' message was that through dying he would defeat sin, which is the root problem within all of us. It's the problem that we all struggle with. It's the time that we all think there's something better for me, there's something wrong with me, and Jesus says, yes, it's sin, and I've defeated it for you. Believe, repent, and I'll forgive you, and with me you'll have rest and eternal life. That's

the story of the Gospel. You were reborn through that story. Now what's happening to you is called sanctification. So now feeling you're feeling that the scales of your sin shedding off you. So the old life you died to yourself and now you're reborn. You have a new life, a new purpose, a new direction. But it doesn't mean you just lost the old skin. It's still on you. So that's what you're talking about, your old life that has

set up right. So you're gonna it's not an instant process that doesn't just leave you don't just wake up and you have new everything. So you're slowly shedding this, these scales are falling off of you. And sometimes that process of sanctification is painful. It's painful in your case because you're losing friends, you're losing your confidence, you're losing the world that was set up around you. But it's a good thing because it's a good thing for many reasons. One,

because you're saved. You're a Christian. Now you're a believer, you have a purpose. You believe in a God that has planned out your life for you, set apart good works for you before you're even born. And now you know that you're awake. Now you were asleep and now you're awake. But that process of shedding, which is a good thing, is going to lead you to new friends and new desires and new hobbies and a new purpose.

And you're gonna find people around you that feel the same way and say, was it hard when you were reborn? Was it hard when you died to your old self? And you go, yes, it was. But then I met you, guys, and now you're my new friends, and we have so much in common. And you're gonna find a small group, and you're gonna find church and you're gonna go to

the pastor at church. You're gonna go. My name is Connor, and I'm reborn, and I'm struggling a little bit with my confidence because I thought I was this person that was my identity. But now i have a new identity in Christ, and so I'm going this direction and it feels scary and it feels new, and the Pastor's gonna go yeah, yeah, exactly. I was there too. Welcome to the club. You have a whole life ahead of you, so this sanctification process will last your whole life in mine.

But that's okay. Sometimes it's painful, but it's taking you in a great direction. I'm so happy for you. I'm gonna take a break and be right back. Podcast today it's brought to you by Raycon. You know, Mother's Day's coming up. I hope you remember that. You know, moms are often one of the few people in our lives that still leave voicemails on her phone or just call to say hi. So this Mother's Day, make that mom extra special and spoil her with a gift from the

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find me there. You could also download the Cameo app. It's super easy and I'll make a personalized video message from you and I'll read it however you want me to read it, So go to cameo dot com slash Granger Smith. Okay, diving into the next question. Here it says subject line question if you could answer it in your next email. Okay, here we go. You got it, buddy, Hey Granger Money, Edwin he Ginger. My name is Edwin.

I'm seventeen years old and there's a girl that I know that I want to tell her how I feel, but I'm so scared of rejection and fear that my heart will be destroyed again, and I don't want to feel that pain again. People that have listened to this podcast for a long time know the many directions I can go with this. Like I could tell you, Edwin, I could tell you should never live a life being scared of the pain. You should take the dance every time.

You shouldn't. You shouldn't be so guarded that you're you're scared to step out and try something new, because you're gonna miss out and you're going to live a very boring life if you never do that. You've also heard me tell the stories of building up confidence and being vulnerable to the girl walking up to her and say, I got to tell you. My name is Edwin, and I'm really nervous right now, being as vulnerable as possible.

I'm really nervous right now. But I just think you're I think you're really beautiful and I've wanted to tell you that. And I'm sorry if I'm stuttering, but I see you every day and you make me nervous. But I wanted you to know. Okay, I've told this story before, but Edwin, I also want to tell you a story. I want to take you in another direction because there's

something underlying here that you haven't mentioned. But you're saying, I fear that my heart will be destroyed again, and I don't want to feel that pain again, meaning probably recently you had a heartbreak and it crushed you. And so that's why I'm going to tell you right now, Edwin, it's too soon. It's too soon. This girl that you're seeing, you're seventeen. There's going to be another one. I promise you. There's three and a half billion girls on this planet.

It's not the last time you're seventeen. It's not the last time you're going to see a girl and feel really attracted to her and really want to talk to her. Okay, the breaks, you're fresh out of something, You're fresh out of some kind of pain, and now is the time to be content with who you are, edwin, to be content in your singleness. Now, to hang with your guy friends, to lean into your hobbies. Don't get into this right now,

it's too soon. That's the feeling I get. If we were sitting around a campfire, I think I could pull this out of you, and I think you could tell me that. You would probably say that four months ago you got out of a relationship and she crushed you. So then I would tell you, buddy, it's not the time to get set up to be crushed again. Now it's time to pump the brakes to be single and to find contentment in that. Okay, You're not going to let a girl define you. You don't need to be

in a relationship to be whole or complete. That is a Hollywood lie. You are complete already the way you are. You have a full heart and every full organ, and you have two arms and two legs. You don't need a girl to complete who you are, so don't do it right now. It's not time. This feels like a rebound. It feels like it's too soon. I'm making some assumptions here, but that's what that's what I'm getting from this email. Okay, not now, not now. I should take some pressure off

of you. Go back into the hobbies that you were doing. Flipping through here, that says advice for my brother. Hey, grangear'd like to stay anonymous. My brother twenty one and his girlfriend nineteen have been dating for a little over a year now, and they've been living together for the

past four months. Since they've been living together, they've been fighting a lot more lately because she doesn't know, she doesn't help pay the bills, and she doesn't cook or clean even though she's home all day and she doesn't have a job. My brother works all day at our family farm, usually from nine am to seven to ten pm, sometimes earlier and later, so when he comes home he just wants to relax, but he has to clean and

make food. I was wondering if there's any advice you can give me that I could tell him in this situation. Thanks for your time, I love your podcast, Anonymous. Yeah, yeah, I could help you. Anonymous. Well, I wish, I wish I was talking to your brother. But twenty one, she's nineteen. This is not a good situation. Okay, you can't be living together, you can't be playing house right now. You're

not married. If you were married, I would have a completely different set of advice for your brother, right this would be a completely different conversation. But he's talking about a girlfriend that doesn't have a ring on her finger, and there's no kids in the house, and he's already being bothered because she's not working and she's not cleaning. You see what I'm saying that this just does not make sense. You're asking me how to help fix their

relationship when they're not married. They're going about this backwards. They're already playing house. It's time for him to move out, and he's probably not going to because I'm assuming he didn't email me. You did, because you see the problem more than he does, and he loves her. But he's got to move out, man, And this is for anyone else listening. It's not a time to be moving in.

And he's working all these hours, and he's working fourteen hour days and comes home and his girlfriend hasn't done anything. She doesn't have a job, she's just mooching off this. It's time. She's nineteen. He needs to kick her out. She needs to get a job. And I'm not totally blaming her because he's allowing this to happen, but that's just not the way we're set up. Humans are not

set up to do this. And we think that we think that we are, and we watch Hollywood movies and we think that this is this what you're supposed to do. But no, everybody at your family farm, I'm assuming your dad or your grandpa or other family members are involved here in this work need to get around him and say, man, it's time for her to move out. It's time. You could still date or you could still have a girlfriend,

but it's time to move out. Is this is not the right situation, This is not the right environment to eventually decide you want to get married and then have kids and you're already seeing these red flags. No boom, that's an easy answers. That is the easiest answer. No move out. Flipping around here, subject client says, repairing relationship with Jesus and a new baby Hey, my name is Noah, and me and my girlfriend are expecting our first child together. I have no doubt that I want to spend the

rest of my life with her. However, we aren't engaged because in preparing for the baby has become her main focus. I've had a difficult relationship with God in the past, but my eyes have been opened up recently. My only real struggle is going back to attending church with a pregnant girlfriend that I'm not married to. So I'm excited to be a dad and I love this baby more than I ever thought I could, and she's not even

here yet. I'm just worried that having a baby out of wedlock could be a hurdle in our relationship with God and the church. She wants to go back to church as well, but she has similar reservations like me. Thank you for answering. We're a huge fan of your music. Dismissed on the podcast. Hmm, it's interesting, back to back questions.

It's interesting. You know how I'm going to answer this, Noah, And the funny thing is, thank you for Thank you, dude for trusting me with this, and thanks for emailing, and thanks for listening and watching and I'm gonna tell you straight up, you already know my answer. You've if you've listened to my podcast, you already know my answer, right. And I appreciate you trusting me with this, But you also answered yourself. You here's what you said. Let me

read your word. I'm just worried that having a baby out of wedlock could put a could be a hurdle in my relationship with God and the church. Why do you think that? Maybe because that's what God says in his word. See, God sets this up right. We have the Bible as a roadmap for us, and it's set up not to be a hindrance to us or a problem for us. Because he's putting restrictions. He's putting handcuffs on a fun life, on a good life. God is

not putting handcuffs on our life. He's setting these these standards for us to follow so that we have a better life. Why how does he know that? Because he created us. It's like you buy a truck from Ford, and Ford says, here's your truck. This is a gas powered F one fifty. By the way, don't put diesel in it now. If you do, that's not that big a deal to Ford. But they know because they made it, they created it, they built the truck that it needs gasoline,

and so they say, don't put diesel in it. And then you go out and you put diesel in it, and it breaks down, and you go, why did Ford tell me that? I don't understand. Ford told you that for your own good, not for God's good, not for Ford's good. God is already good, right, He doesn't need anything.

He is complete already, He is good already. But he makes he makes these guidelines for us so that we could feel more content with him, and we could be more satisfied in our life, and we could have less hurdles. That's your word, hurdle. Having a baby out of wedlock could put a hurdle in a relationship. Now, here's the deal. Here's the deal. Here's the good news. Noah, you could fix this right now. The baby's not a problem. A baby is never a problem. A baby is never an

accident to God. A baby is never a mistake to God. It's always has a purpose, right, So there's nothing bad about the baby. It's how you're going about planning on raising it. Your words at the very beginning of your email say, we aren't engaged because we're preparing for the baby, which has become our main purpose, our main focus. Imagine this baby thirty years from now, and you say, the baby says, the man says, why did why did you not marry mom when I was a baby because we

were focusing on having you. That doesn't compute because what a kid needs is mom and dad. Secure. It's like when you're in an airplane and they say, when oxygen mask comes down, right, secure yourself first. Put it on yourself first, not your kid and the person next to you. Put it on yourself. Why because when you get the oxygen mask and you put it on, now you could focus because you're breathing. You're good. Now you could actually help others instead of helping others while you're passing out

because you don't have oxygen. That's why the airlines say that put the oxygen mask on you first. So you first, buddy, which is your relationship with your girlfriend, secure that first. Then focus on the baby, because if you don't, you're not going to have the oxygen to take care of the baby. Does that make sense? So here's this is where it gets easy. This answer is so easy. You want to go to church. You're worried about what God will think of you and a pregnant girlfriend. You know

how to fix it. Go to the courthouse the day you hear this podcast. Noah ironic name by the way, go to the courthouse today or tomorrow and get that piece of paper. Marry this girl. You said, you said, I have no doubt. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Then what are you waiting on? Bro? Wrap it up? Go get the paper. Put the ring on her finger. I don't care if it's a plastic ring from Ye apparel. I don't care what the ring looks like. You could get a ring. You could save

up and get a nice engagement ring. Later. You could have a big party, invite all your family and all your friends and celebrate later. But right now, marry this girl. Put the rubber ring on her finger, Put the silicon ring on her finger, and get this done. You were gonna be so that. This is gonna let your heart be free. You're gonna sleep at night and go We did it. We're right now, We're on a good path. Now, no more regret, no more worry, no more shame, no

more vulnerable. You got it. Go do this, Okay, don't worry about what America tells you you need to have any long engagement. You got to get the perfect church and she's got to get the perfect dress. This is not going to happen. Now there's a baby coming. That's not going to happen. I don't care. You shouldn't care. It's not that big a deal. I barely even remember

my wedding. It was thirteen years ago. I remember Amber walking down the aisle, and I remember it was a very special day, but I don't remember any other details. It's not that big a deal. This is a new thing in our culture to have these huge, perfect weddings and invite everybody. You've seen braveheart right. They got married in the woods with one preacher. Get a preacher to come to your house. Whatever, Get it done. Okay, Noah, get it done. Next question says relationship. Hell, pay granger.

My name is Colby, I'm nineteen, I'm from Montgomery. I know you say every relationship is the same when they're asking for advice, but I really think this one is different. Okay, challenge accepted. The girl I want to see is an EMT and a firefighter. She's also has very little time off. I've seen her a few times and I know she's into me, but I don't know if she's flaking when I ask her out or if she's genuinely busy. Any advice would be great. Okay, let me recap this colby

nineteen years old from Montgomery. You really like this girl. She's amazing and she's going to be twenty in a couple months. She's an EMT and a firefighter, and she's very busy. You've only seen her a few times, and you know that she's into you, but you don't know if she's flaking when you ask her out or if she's actually busy. Okay, got it to me. The way I would approach this this is this is called courting right, and this is the thing that was before our time.

It was a really big deal. Let me tell you a story of my grandfather on my mother's side. He saw my grandmother and she was walking down the street, and this was in the the thirties. He saw her and he told his friends he said, I'm gonna marry that girl. So he went up to her and he said, I'm gonna marry you one day, and she said, I've got a boyfriend. Sorry, and she kept walking and he

went and he found out where she lived. Maybe creepy asked her dad and he said, I want to marry your daughter and he said no, I don't think so she's got a boyfriend. So then he saw her that weekend at the little street dance they had. This was in a little bitty town in West Texas. He saw it the street dance and he came up to her again and he said, what's it gonna take. I really like you. Can I dance with you? And she's like fine,

one dance okay. So fast forward a few weeks. He just kept this up so that Corey, I mean Colby, this is what you do. This is how this is called courting. So she's an EMT. She's busy. Tell her straight up, I like you, let's go on a date. She says, I'm busy, and you go cool, how about Wednesday? And she goes, I'm working Wednesday, and you go cool. And then you go find her and you say how

about Friday. She goes, I'm working Friday too. Actually, okay, hey, let me know when you have time because I really want to see you, and she goes, I'm just really busy. Now you can get a hint that she doesn't like you. But you told me that, you said that she's into you. Court her, pursue her. Girls want to be pursued. They need to be pursued. Tell her what's it gonna take. I know you're busy. How about how this five minutes? I want to see you for five minutes? How about

what time do you get off work? When I got off work at ten pm? How About I meet you at ten pm and we and I'll bring you a sonic route forty four Cherry Limemad at ten to ten oh five, and we'll have a Cherry Limemaid together. Tell her that find a way, find a way and if straight up she says, no, I actually don't want to see you. There's your hint. Move on. But I'm telling you Colby, to pursue her, to find space and be patient with her. It seems like in this this day

and age we go. I don't know, she's kind of flaking. She said, no, So I'm out. I think I'm out. Whatever happened to the pursuit, whatever happened to courting, whatever happened to believing in something and going after it and being rejected over and over and over until you finally get a yes, until you finally get her to say, fine, Sunday, I'm open Sunday and you go, great, let's go see a movie. She goes, I don't have a car, and you go, I'll pick you up six o'clock Sunday. I'll

beat your house and then see how it goes. Pursue her subject line. Next one says laziness. Hey Granger, I'm Ryan from Missouri. I have had issues with laziness and honestly just not caring about anything anymore. I'm in college and I'm failing a class because I think to myself, oh, I'll get it later. And then in regards to the caring, I just don't understand why. But it took my friends and family a month and a half to drag me out of the house to actually do something I really

enjoy doing. Thanks for reading if you get the chance, Ryan, Ryan shout out to Missouri. Thanks for the question. Laziness sloth, sloth? You know that's uh. It's one of the deadly sins. And I don't blame you. We've all through this, we've all felt this. This is this is a season. I do want to say before I dig into this, I do want to say that sometimes this is a medical, medical condition that a doctor could help you with. So I do want you to consider that maybe you should

bring it up to a doctor. Hey, doctor, I have no energy. I don't feel like I need to do anything. I can't I can't be motivated to do anything. Okay, well, let's do a blood test. Like that's something. I got a feeling, though, Ryan, I got a feeling that's not you. I got a feeling there's more going on. You need to you need something to shake you up. Something has

to change. You're like a glass with with glitter in it, right as we're all, we're all like a glass of water with glitter in it, and eventually all that glitter just goes and falls to the bottom, and then the glass is clear, and you've got to get something to shake it up and get that all that good or spinning again, because one thing leads to another and then and then you get motivated again. One thing to do. And you've emailed me, so you recognize there's a problem.

But you know one thing I would do if I were you, If I was your friend. I would say, Okay, let's start looking at some of the things that are important, like the class. You don't want to fail the class. So I would go straight up, this takes courage, Ryan, This takes courage. But I would go to the professor in the class and I would say, my name is Ryan.

I am struggling in this class, and I feel like I feel like mentally I'm getting it and I could do it, but I'm having trouble being motivated enough to do it. So here's some steps I'm gonna take. I want to I'm wanna sit on the front row, and I want you to help me stay accountable because I want, I really want to do this. I want this to matter to me, and so I'm gonna I want you

to keep me accountable. I'm gonna sit right in front of you on the front row, and I'm gonna watch you, and I want you to watch me because this matters to me and I don't want this to be lost on me. Do you have enough courage to do that? Right? Let me ask you this, Do you care enough about the class to do something like that. If the answer is no, then we need a greater shakeup. We need something bigger. You know what, I would say something like this,

Marine Corps Army, time to pack up everything. You want to shake that glass up, you want to get that all that glitter flowing again. Go to the Army recruiter, Marine Corps recruiter and say, my name is Ryan, and I need to shake up my life. I'm feeling lazy, I'm feeling I'm feeling complacent, I'm feeling not motivated. And that recruiter is gonna go. We'll get you motivated. We'll shake it up for you. No, no problem, Sign on

the dotted line, buddy. So let me ask you again, Ryan, are you do you have enough courage to do that? How bad do you want to change? And this is to anyone listening. Whatever you want in life, I could tell how bad you want it by how it is manifesting in your life currently. Like, for instance, if you say I really want to be a good father, I really want to be a good father, well I could tell, and anyone around you can tell how bad you want to be a good father by your kids. We could

look at that. If you want to say I want to be the best at my job, I could tell, and your boss could tell how bad you really want to be the best at your job, by how you're currently performing at your job, because if you're not, then I'll go, well, you really don't want to be the best at your job. You really don't want to be a great father because you're not doing anything, so you really don't. So don't say you really want it. So to you, Ryan, I say, how bad do you want

to fix this problem? What extreme measures will you take to shake your life up? Because I'm giving you some extremes. I'm saying, drop everything, go to the Marine Corps, go to the army. They will shake you up. They will keep you accountable. Another thing to do if you don't want to go to that kind of extreme, get a good group of guys, an accountability group, and go to them and go, Guys, i'm feeling lazy. I need you

guys to help me, and they'll go, yeah, let's do it. Well, we'll keep each other accountable, right, keep an eye on me. We can't be trusted on our own. I think you're too comfortable. If you're in a class in college and you're failing because you're thinking I'll get to it later. Something tells me, buddy, I'm gonna say something to you, and please don't take offense to this, but I'm gonna tell you. Something tells me you're not paying for that class somebody else's. I don't want to. I don't want

to drag you through the dirt too much. But I think if you were paying for that class, if that was your money, and you worked for that money to pay for that college class, you sure wouldn't fail it because you just think you'll get to it later. You'll think I paid for this class. I'm studying. I'm gonna get this done and I'm definitely gonna pass it, cause

I gotta do better. If that's the case, if someone else is paying for it, maybe your parents, and you're failing it, I gotta tell you, man, you're failing them too. How does that make you feel it's time to shake things up. There's a lot of ways to do it. Email me back, we'll talk about it. I appreciate you, buddy, I appreciate all y'all. Thank you for emailing. I love doing this podcast. It's fun and we'll see you next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the Granger Smith Podcast. I

appreciate all of you guys. You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that little like button and the notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a question for me that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Yi