#133 You can’t avoid this pain

questions that could be about anything in life. Email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com and I'll get to yours. Put yours in the queue. I have a whole bunch today and I have no idea what they say. So I used to kind of get these organized and make sure that I had, you know, the ones that I wanted to start with and the ones that I wanted to finish with. But these days I don't do that. I am totally unprepared, no notes in front of me.

We're going to walk through this stuff as if me and you are sitting in the cab of a truck and having a good old friendly conversation. I'm not a therapist, I'm not a counselor. I've not been trained in psychology. So everything I say is just coming from friend advice, So to just take that as you will. This is friend advice, nothing more. You could take it or leave it. I'm not always right, but I like to talk about it with you, and it's become a very interesting platform

for me. This has become a very popular podcast. It's always high on the charts of podcasts, which blows me away because I'm really saying nothing about me. I'm saying everything about you. So let's jump into this, the first one here on the list. It actually came an hour ago today, and the subject line says Summer Love. Hey Grangers. I'm seventeen years old. I'm from Cape May, New Jersey, and my family owns a restaurant. There is a girl if I could have a nickel every time I heard

that on this podcast. There is a girl that's an employee and I love her and I would do anything for her. And I don't know if she loves me, but she likes me and we go on dates. We both would not want a serious relationship, but I went to prom with her and I've gone on a couple of dates with her in the summer. Whenever she comes down in June and then leaves for college in August. I have an upcoming date with her in June, but I think I should break it off so that it

could save me from the pain. Or should I write out the relationship until she leaves. This is like the scenario straight out of an eighties movie Summer Love. So many songs were written about this. This comes from Christian by the way, Christian seventeen Summer Love. You're basically at camp and own your parents, own a restaurant, and she comes in June and then leaves for college in August. This is straight out of a country song from nineteen

ninety five. I think it was called Strawberry Wine. Just kidding. There's a lot of them. Let's walk through it. So your main question here is should you break it off to save yourself from the pain, or should you write it out until she leaves? So this is an analogy for life itself so much so. And then there's a couple of layers to this. The first thing I would say before anything is you're seventeen Christian, protect your heart,

Guard your heart, Guard your heart. Don't just give it away to anybody, especially if you know there might not be a future. There may be, but there might not be. And you're young and she's young, and you're seeing it as it is, which is great. You're asking the right questions and you're seeing it as it is. Right, So guard your heart knowing that, don't give it away to her, don't give her everything, don't tell her you love her. Maybe you have already, but don't tell her. Don't tell

her anymore. If you have already, you told me, and that's okay. I'll take it. So while you're guarding your heart, there's a second layer here. This is a big one for life itself. We have to live life as though there is no tomorrow. So you realize why I said guard your heart first. I said that first. But the second component is don't skate through life with a guarded heart, afraid of any pain that might come. You can't live like that. You can't live life in the shadows away

from the pain, because there's no life in that. There's no fulfillment in that. Trying to have a life that's painless is first of all impossible, and second of all, it's bland. You're gonna miss everything that's happened around you. If you've lived in a world where you never saw pain, then you would never have a chance to grow, you would never get better, and that's not a place you want to be. So no, I don't think you should cut this off because you know she's leaving in August.

I don't think you should cut it off to hide from some kind of pain that might come in. I don't blame you for thinking that. I'm I'm just telling you from the outside looking in, from our perspective, me and you riding together in a truck talking about this, I would say, you live it, and you be seventeen, and you go in these dates with her, and you're gonna take this with you the rest of your life.

You're gonna learn so much from this while you're guarding your heart, You're going to learn so much from this. You remember the Garth Brooks song the dance. The whole concept of the dance is I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance, And you wouldn't want to miss that for the world. You wouldn't want to miss that. You wouldn't want to miss this summer, the summer of seventeen, with this girl in this environment,

while you're guarding your heart. You don't want to miss that, so go for it. You're going to learn something. Maybe there's something for you guys together in the future. Maybe she gets out of college and you still miss her, and she still misses you, and you guys end up in the same town and you get married and that's

happily ever after type story. Maybe you don't, maybe you forget about her, but you learned from this, and you learned what you wanted out of a girl, and she wanted she learned what she wanted out of a guy. Don't miss the pain. Don't ever skip the pain. Live it, live through it, not worried if you're going to get hurt or not. Second question, subject line says I need your help. Hey buddy, my name is Mason. I'm fifteen

years old from Mississippi. I recently ended a relationship with my girlfriend so that I could better myself physically and get closer to God. The relationship was very stressful and I felt like it was getting nowhere. The girl I broke up with has now moved on already. Just a week after I ended it, I found out she'd been dating this guy for two months while we dating. I'm very broken over this and I'm gonna slump. What do

you suggest? It says in one more thing, if I have feelings for a girl that isn't close to me, how do I express my feelings for her in a way that doesn't come off as creepy? Okay, there's multiple questions here. One is how do you get over a girl? And the second question is how do you get into another relationship? So because of those two questions, I'm gonna cancel it out and say, buddy, you're fifteen. You don't

need to be in a relationship right now. Nope, you you were right in thinking that you needed to better yourself physically and get closer to God. So go back to that thought, and let's just erase the last thing that you wrote. If I have feelings for a girl that isn't close to me, now, how to express my feelings in a way that doesn't come off creepy. Yeah, you're you're already being creepy, and that's that's nothing to you, Mason. This is your name, Mason. That's nothing against you. I

was once fifteen, I was once you. So there's nothing that you're saying that's wrong. But I'm saying from my seat looking at you in the cab of this truck. You don't need to be dating right now. You don't need to be worried about advice on talking to another girl. Just go back to that thought of bettering yourself and getting closer to God. You're out of the stressful relationship. She found somebody else. Hey, that's somebody else's problem. Now,

that's somebody else's stress. Now, good on you. You're in a good place. You don't have that stress anymore. Congratulations, that's a victory somebody else. Right now, as we speak, as I'm doing this podcast, somebody is stressing over that girl, and it's not you. Good job, brother, Stay single, you're fifteen. Stay single. Next question septic Line says in laws. Hey, Granger, how do you deal with in laws that don't want to be involved with their grandkids other than when it's

convenient for a social media post. They never want to spend time with them, but always guilt their son about wanting to see them, and every time we try, they were busy. We want our kids to be actively involved with both sets of grandparents, but we don't know how to make that happen. Thanks Megan, Hey, good question. Megan, thanks for emailing in laws. This is a tricky one.

There is a perception that people have that they want their kids to have these two sets of amazing grandparents and they go fishing and they feed chickens together, and they they learn how to drive an old truck from their grandpa. Like it's like it's the Juds country song. You know, Grandpa, tell me about the good old days. Okay, that's the perception we have in this country. And that's awesome. If you can get that, that's a blessing if you get that, But not everybody does, and you have to

understand the realization that maybe that's not your family. Okay, here's an example in my family. My dad died when my daughter was two and my son was an infant. Lincoln was three months old when my dad died. The thoughts that I had my dad, he would have been

an incredible grandpa. So the thoughts that I had of dad, my dad teaching Lincoln how to put a worm on a hook and taking him to his first baseball game and getting a hot dog with mustard on it and sitting in the cheap seats, good old Grandpa's stories, those are gone. Those are not part of my life. Those will not happen with my dad. So I had to get over that, Like, that's a thought that I had

that I grieved over. Lincoln will never have this, London will never have this, Maverick and River will never have this, And that thought is over. Okay, that idea for me is not going to happen. Not every family gets it, so not every family is going to live the Juds song. So then we go back to you and you have the in laws that are still here, but you're struggling with them, and you're struggling with them having time, and so you have to do what's right for your family.

You have to do what's right for your kids, ultimately your husband. First. You have to do what's right for your husband first and secondly for your kids. And that does not have to include the in laws or your parents. It doesn't mean you have to invite them to every Christmas. It doesn't mean every time they call you have to drop everything and go and strap the kids in the car seats and go see them. And you have a good intuition that they're wanting to see the kids for

the wrong reasons. Now give them grace, understand where they're coming from, understand their position, give them grace in that. But you don't have to indulge them in every time they call you drop everything. You could pump the brakes on that. You see it. You have a discernment already about them, and so go with that. Go with that good discernment and say, you know what, I'm not going to take the kids over there this weekend because we already had plans. I'm so sorry, but you're welcome to

come to our house. And then when they don't come, it's no big deal. If you're worried about what you have to tell your own kids, go back to what I said. Not every family gets that, And so then you pour into them and they get a good mom and a good dad. They might not have to have the grandparents. Not everybody does. It's a good question, Megan. Next question is another one that came in today. It says,

subject line dating a non believer. Hey, Granger, I'm a typical thirty two year old Midwest girl from Saint Louis who has a huge heart for everyone, which can't be a downfall. Sometimes I found myself caught up in a guy who believed in God, but now tells me he's agnostic. He's a great guy whom I show, who I became so close with and thought he was even the one. I've always been a woman of faith, and I've always said that I want to date Slash Mary, a man

of God. Now I think about it, and I feel like I've kind of fallen off of God's path for me? Is it him? Am I too caught up? Am I trying to figure out why we cross paths? Now? I'm just so confused. Maybe this is why I've lost sight and kind of fallen off the path. Any advice would be much appreciated. Please tell Amber Hello, Thank you, Laura, Laura, thank you for the email. You are You're right in

emailing this and you are answering your own question. And I see this, guys so many times on this podcast. You email me and you're really answering your own question before I get a chance to. And that makes this podcast easy for me, because you're saying you know a guy and he's he's great, and he's agnostic, and you're a believer, and you are falling off of God's path. You feel it, and then you ask the question, is it him? When you know that it is, at least partly.

What you have to think about, Laura in the situation is he's a nice guy. You're a fixer. You have a huge heart for everyone. You think, maybe I could fix this, Maybe I could turn this guy around. Maybe I could I can get him seeing what I see. Maybe when I do that, I'll get closer to God and the process. Maybe maybe God put him in my life because I need to fix him. And God put him in my life so that I could make him

a believer. And that was the purpose. And that is a tough pill to swallow because what you're looking for is not a project, not someone to fix. You're not looking for a mission field. Dating is not a mission field. You're not going out to convert people through dating. You do that with your partner that you have faithful strength

in together as a team. So put yourself ten years down the road and you're with this guy and you have two kids and you say, hey, babe, I want to go to church on Sunday and he goes, I ain't going to church. I don't believe in that stuff. I don't go to church, and you go, well, I want to. I believe that we should raise our kids going to church and believing in God and reading the Bible and praying it before dinner at the table at home. I believe that we should do that, and he says, great,

but I don't. So you do it. But I'm just not going to be part of it. I love you, but I'm just not going to be a part of it. Laura, what do you do? Then it's too late. Then it's too late to have this discussion we're having Now. I feel like I'm falling off the path. I'm struggling. And I get these kind of emails all the time with people that are ten years down the road in their marriage and they're just now seeing this. You see it now, and you're just dating. It's time to move on. It's

time to move on. If there's even a hint that because of this relationship, because he's agnostic, if there's even a hint that this is causing you to be indifferent about God, to be a little stagnant about it. If there's a hint at that now while you're in the dating process, that's going to compound one hundred times in a few years, and then you're gonna have to raise kids in a split household like this, and you don't

want to do that. As hard as it is for a thirty two year old Midwest girl from Saint Louis with a big heart, it's time to break his It's time. Okay, let's go to another question here, subject line looking for guidance. Hey Grange, your name is Sarah. I was hoping you can give me some wisdom. I'm a follower of Christ and I live in awe of God's grace in my life every day. I have a sister and a brother, one of which is an atheist and the other is

an agnostic. Ironic back to back questions. Huh, My sister has a very hard heart. She won't even listen to talk about God. I do not push her into it, but we visit her every year, and I feel like when I'm around her, I could not listen to Christian music in the car or speak freely about God in a way to avoid any kind of strife. It is hard because Jesus is so much of my life. He's a big part of my life. He's everything. Yet I find myself changing my ways when I'm around her. I'm

having a harder and harder time being around her. Because I feel like I'm allowing her disdain for Christ to have an effect on me. God calls us to love boldly, and I feel like I'm dishonoring him by making these alterations in my life, even only briefly. Am I thinking about this all wrong? How do you handle people who have such different views on life? But our family? Thanks for what you do, Sarah, interesting back to back questions, totally by accident here. So, Sarah, you're in a different

situation than Laura was. Laura has a decision now where she could break it off with this boyfriend. You can't break it off with your sister, per Se. You're gonna be You're gonna be seeing her the rest of your life. And you know, the Bible says that the Gospel will come and split families intwo. It'll split sister and sister apart, It'll split brother and brother, mother and father, I mean mother and daughter and father and son. It'll split you

in two, that's what it says. So what you're experiencing is so unfortunate, and I'm sad for you and it's difficult for you, but it's also biblical, and so we can't be surprised. I'm not surprised by reading it, and I don't think you're surprised by living it. The only thing you could do in this situation, as you cannot backslide at all. You cannot drift because of her, and if that's becoming a problem, then you have to find.

You have to find separation from her, and you have to find in your own space, in your own time, the building of your own faith so that when you are with her you don't backslide. Now, I don't think you have to get in the car with her and crank up some Christian song and feel so proud about it. I think there's times when you go, I understand this is going to cause an argument, so I'm just not going to play the radio. I don't think that's backsliding from God or dishonoring him in any way. I don't

think it is. You're just choosing in that environment to have a different tactic. And your different tactic is love her, pour into her, accept her for what she is, forgive her because you you are no better than her. You're both human, you both have flaws and I do too. You're no better because you're a Christian. That would be hypocritical. The only thing different with you and her is that you understand God's grace and his forgiveness to you and

the life that He's saved with you. And that's a gift. That's a gift of grace through your faith. It's nothing you did. You didn't help enough old ladies across the street. You don't have a checklist that checks a little bit more boxes than she did. You were no better, You were forgiven, and you're a sinner, and so when you look at her, you're seeing a reflection of yourself the same. And so you forgive her like God for gave you. You understand, you hear what I'm saying. So all you

could do is lover. You don't even have to preach to her. You don't have to crank up Christian songs. You could just love her and be hopeful for her and be joyful for you. And if she asks you, especially through a tough situation, what you two are going to have to go through some tough situations. Maybe you're going to lose your mother or your father one day, you probably will, and through that funeral, when you're someone that she could rely upon, when you're someone that's holding

herself together through this tragic situation and she's broken. You want to be that person that she can go up to you and go, Sarah, how how are you holding yourself together? How do you have hope in this dark time? And you say, I could tell you. His name is Jesus. I could tell you right now how I have hope. And I'm no better than you, but I just see this hope and I want you to see it too.

That's the witness that you could be to her, and that's what you need to be prepared to do with her and lover and be thankful that she's your sister and grateful that you're in this situation. That's what you could do. I'm gonna take a break and be right back. Podcast is brought to you all today by ship Station. Do you run a small business? Are you part of a small business like me with ee Apparel? Well, big

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This is interesting. Subjectline says I'm a North Texas Muslim conservative. Hey, grangeer, I'm thirty years old, single, conservative and a Muslim. I've been looking for someone to settle down with, but it seems like most people in my life are against my conservative views. For whatever reason, I feel alienated from both sides, even though the views are virtually the same. I'm not accepted by all sides, but I refuse to give up who I am, and I feel like I'll be denied

for it. Your advice is much appreciated. No name associated here, so buddy, thank you. I'll see I'm assuming I'm assuming you are a okay, so I'll call you buddy. Thanks for emailing. Here's where I'm gonna go with this. You are, this is this is This is what bothers me about your email, the part that says, I refuse to give up who I am and feel like I'll be denied for it. You are expecting that there will be no compromise in a relationship with somebody. That's what you're That's

what your email is saying. There is no compromise to you and who you are and what you stand for at all, and you are You were severely narrowing the gap of of who will be available to you, instead of saying something like I have an open heart and an open mind. And as I'm starting to date, I want to learn about myself as much as I learn about the other person. And through dating, as I see who I'm attracted to and who I'm not, and as I play this game of process of elimination, as I'm learning,

I'm going to learn just as much about myself. And when I find that person that's right for me, that clicks with me, I will learn that there's some things in my life I can compromise, and I don't have to see eye to eye on everything. Here's an example. What if I started dating at thirty like you, and I said, I am a I'm a thirty year old country singer songwriter. I love hunting and fishing, and I'm

a conservative. And if I find a girl that doesn't like any of those things and doesn't understand country music, maybe she likes pop and she doesn't understand conservative views she's liberal, or she doesn't understand hunting and fishing at all, in fact, she doesn't like it, then I want no part of her. That's that, that's not That's not a good formula for me. Right. What if I went into it and said, I'm looking for someone that that loves me and I love her, and I'm gonna have a

completely open heart at the beginning. Now you're gonna narrow this down as you get the dating. We talked about that a couple of questions ago. But at the very beginning, I'm not gonna sit at the date and here someone go, you know what, I'm just really not into fishing. I just really I don't really like fishing at all, and I'm more of a water skier. I could make a decision, right, there at the dinner table and think she's gone. She's gone. I mean, that's you see what I'm saying. I don't think.

I think you're putting yourself in and too narrow of a box, and it's it's going to it's gonna really eliminate your chances on figuring out who you are. And you can do that through other people. People will tell you who you are because you'll see the reflection of yourself coming back from them. So when you're sitting at the table, you'll go, Man, everything I'm saying to this person is a little bit crazy because I see the reaction from this person coming back at me. Maybe I

should tone it down a little bit. Maybe I should refute the idea of refusing to give up who I am and feel like I'll be denied for it. I think a lot of people do that. I think this country is full of people that that stand by something because they believe the Aaron Tippins song, you got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything. I don't know. There's a lot of that I believe, and I'm not talking about the American flag. I'm talking about everything else.

That we have to take a side on like, when you claim to be conservative, what that means really, especially if you're a politician, is that you have to take a side on every single conservative issue, and if you change your mind on one of them, one of them, then you're not a true conservative. So if you're a politician running for office, you have to check every single box on the right side, every single one. Are you're

wrong or you shouldn't be in that party. And we as citizens take on that same attitude, and we're like, man, I believe I believe this and this and this and this and this from the Conservative party. But on the mask issue, I can go either way. And then someone looks at you, go then you're not a conservative. Get out of here. You know what I mean. And I'm

not taking sides. I'm just saying it's interesting that we have to check every box on the right or the left, or we're not either one truly, and so we choose to check all the boxes. It's easier to just check all the boxes because we sleep better at night because we're herd animals. As humans, you know, we love to get in our pack and stay in our pack. Don't leave the pack, you'll get killed. There's wolves out there.

That's what we think, that's how we operate. So, Buddy, I think it's a great question, and I don't think that I don't. I think a lot of people agree with you. But I would encourage you to take that last sentence out and instead of saying I refuse to give up who I am, changed that too. I'm going into looking for a relationship with an open mind and an open heart, and there might be somebody out there that could change some of my mind. I'm open to that.

I'm open to someone that could change my mind on a few things. There's a couple of things I won't change my mind on ever, but there's other things I could hear them out and maybe I'll be better for it. Let's consider that. Here's another one subject line says, respecting my mom's wishes, Hey Granger, I'd like to stay inonymous. I'm a fan from Ontario, Canada. Thank you for all

your work on this podcast. I'm thinking about getting my first tattoo, something small, simple, meaningful, easily hidden, something just for me. However, I hesitate because I'm also a Christian in the Christian community, and they frowned upon it. Additionally, my mom would be disappointed if I got one. I'm twenty five, I'm not living at home anymore, so I know it's completely not It is completely my choice, But I'm looking for some advice. Am I disrespecting my mom

by going ahead and getting one? Is it okay to keep it hidden? Or is that being really dishonest with those who actually care? Yeah, I'm anonymous. Shout out to Ontario Love Ontario. My straight up advice to you is don't get a tattoo. Don't and I'll tell you why. Because you're you're wanting to get one, but you don't know what yet. You want it to be simple and meaningful, and you also want it to be hidden. Then why

would you want to do that to yourself? Why would you want to get a permanent mark on your body for a temporary idea. If you came to me and said, I have a very specific idea and I want it to be known, like look, look on my arm right here says river. That is a very specific meaning that I had that I want people to see the word

river on my arm. And when I play shows and I play guitar, I want people to see river, and I want to see it when I look in the mirror, and I want to want to look down because it is very meaningful to me. I will not hide this. I've never hidden my river tattoo in any environment that I've been in, Okay, and that's with all the tattoos on me. Twenty five is too young, I think, in my opinion, you got to be thirty. That's just my opinion. And you need to know exactly what it is, and

it's something not an idea, but it's concrete. This is what you're gonna do, and you don't care if the world sees it. This is not something you need to hide. So if you want to hide it and you don't know what it is yet, don't do it. Because you could, trust me, you could think of something. You can go to the tattoo parlor right now and just say I'm looking for something small and meaningful and easily hidden and simple, and they're going to go, here's a book, look through it.

What do you want? You want to cross? You want to you want mom? You know I mean, and you're gonna go, Yeah, I guess Across is cool. I like Jesus is cool. And that's not enough. That's not enough for me, Secondly, you're twenty five and you're living apart from your mother, but still there's an idea of respecting your mother's wishes and honoring your mother, and she doesn't

want you to. And so without you having a concrete idea something that's very important to you, I wouldn't go against her wishes and dishonor her, especially if something that you just want to hide. I think I just I feel like you're going to regret this. I feel like you're going to be in fifteen years, you're going to be at the tattoo removal place getting it off and saying I'm forty years old now and when I was twenty five, I don't know why I wanted to do this,

but now I just wanted off me. It was a bad idea, and I hate trying to hide it all the time. I hate going to a dinner, a nice dinner, and I'm wearing a dress and I can't hide it. I hate that feeling. So don't do it. Okay, that's my advice. The next one that just popped up, subjectline says struggling with life. Hey, Gran, your my name is Chase. I'm a college student in Arizona, I just started listening to your podcast, and I love the wisdom advice you shared.

The past couple of years, I feel like life has only chewed me up and spit me out time and time again. Months back, my girlfriend left me and all my friends have turned on me. Though they were the wrong people I needed in my life, I could not let go. Struggle to make new friends that don't just end up using me for their own profit. I also struggle with overthinking everything. I could have told you that. I try to relinkish things and go back to God

as I've believed my whole life. But for the past year, I've strayed so far and do not know what I genuinely believe anymore. I'm not sure what they do anymore. Any advice? Ye ye, Chase, Buddy Chase, thanks for the email. Man, Let me go. Let me go with a couple of things. I'm gonna start by saying. First, I'm gonna start by saying, I love you, Bro, thanks for emailing much respect. The second thing I'm gonna say is, Bro, you're feeling way

too sorry for yourself. You're feeling way too sorry for yourself. You've got to get over it. You gotta get over feeling sorry for yourself. Dude, Okay, your girlfriend left you, all your friends turned on you. You You can't make new friends because they just want to use you. Get over your bro. You have a too high of an expectation of everyone around you and what you expect them to bring and add to your life, and you're not. In my opinion, you're not giving them enough. You're not putting

out and serving enough from you. You're expecting to be filled and you're not doing any filling. And you're expecting to be filled. You're like, I need friends because I need them to fill me. I need I need friends because I want them to make me feel good because I don't feel good. I don't even know what to believe. I don't even know if I believe in God anymore. So I need friends and girlfriends to come and feel me, to make me feel good. And you're not gonna get

anywhere with that thought. Man, you're not, Like I said, with all due respect, I appreciate you emailing you, but you're not gonna get anywhere with that thought. You have to go into friendships going I'm gonna pour into them, I'm gonna ask them if I could buy the pizza. I'm gonna ask them if they want to go to a movie. I'm gonna ask them if they want to

go out on Friday night and I'll drive. And then if they don't talk to me that much, or if they're in a click and they're chit chatting with each other too much, I'm not gonna take offense to that. I'm gonna pour in more. I'm gonna vite them next Friday night, and I'm not gonna go home and feel sorry for myself. You speak of God as though it's like the third or fourth option to make you feel good, Like I guess I just try to relinquish things and

go back to God. That's what you said. But the past year are strayed so far, and I don't even know what I believe anymore. Okay, that's kind of a that's kind of an issue. Like that's kind of a thing right there, right, Like that's a big sentence. You said it so easily, you typed it, But dude, I

think that's a big thing. Like it. It's this idea that if God, if God is real and he created the universe and he created you, and he knows every hair on your head, and he formed you in your mother's womb, and he knows you all the way till your last day on earth. He knows what you're gonna do on every day in between. Like that's the sovereign God that the Bible says that he is. So if we take that at face value and we believe that, then we go God. I trust you, I believe you.

I have faith in you. I don't have faith in me. All I do is mess up. But you said that I would. He said that I'm just a man. You said I have flaws. So I trust you, not me. I don't trust my own heart, it deceives me. I don't trust my own instincts or my own work ethic or my own will just fails. Let's I trust you. And if you don't chase, if you don't, which to

some degree none of us do totally. But if you don't, and if you're if you're straying away and you don't know what you believe anymore, then you don't believe in God at all, not the one that the Bible says that he is, not the one that created everything. So then you gotta kind of start there, like before you get to friends and girlfriends and jobs and work and hobbies.

You kind of got to start there and go, I need to I need to sort this out, this whole God thing, because I believed my whole life, and I don't know if I believe anymore. So I should probably straighten this out. And if you're like me, then you go, what does that mean? What does that mean to straighten things out? Well, let's go backwards. Let's go all the

way back to creation. Let's go all the way back to the universe when it was nothing and then it was something, and then it was the earth, and then the earth was green, and there was water and oceans and animals, dinosaurs and birds. Right then there was man. Okay, where did that come from? Evolution? You think that came from evolution? How? Okay, let's back up again. How did something come from nothing? We have to answer that question. And then you got a lot more to things to

explain all around you. And then you got to explain why the Bible is here and why people read it, and why it's influenced cultures for thousands of years, and why it speaks as if it's talking in historical terms. It's giving names and places and dates specifically written by many authors at the same time period, and we have found the remnants of those original writings. So we got to explain all that. Were they all lying? Was this a big hoax? Impossible? You can't use a hoax theory.

It's impossible. How would you explain that people from all different countries writing eyewitnesses that saw things happen and recording it in exact same ways. We have to account for this. And so if we do, then we go back forward again, like a roller coaster. We're back at the beginning again, and we go okay, well, okay, well yeah, I guess I believe. Then if you do believe, then here we are back at the train station. Here we go starting again.

Then you have to believe that God made you, formed you in your mother's womb, knows every hair on your head and all the days of your life till the very end, and he has a plan for you, and he has a purpose, and you trust that. See that's the way my brain works, Like I have to think analytically about this. I can't just take Romans twelve and read it and go duh, I believe, I believe. I can't my brain has to go. I need to think more about it. I need to think more. I need

to go backwards in history. I need to go forward in my mind. I need to look at everything around me. I have to figure this out. We're all different and we all kind of sort through this differently. But that's what I want to encourage you with, Chase. You got a lot to think about. Brother, Just don't feel sorry for yourself. Man, I got off on a tangent on that one, didn't I let's hit another subject. Client says, being a man, this should be interesting. Hey Grander, my

name is Nathan. I'm twenty one years old from New Mexico. First off, just wanted to start by saying I love your music and your podcast. A big fan of you. I have a five month old baby girl, excuse me, five month old baby and a girlfriend yet to get married because me and her are scared to get a divorce. I've seen a lot of people get divorced, including my parents,

which left a hole in my life. As for my five month old baby, I don't want to follow my parents' footsteps and I want to be there for my baby girl each step of her life. And I want to become the best dad I possibly can. It's become difficult to go to work. It's become difficult to go to work and handle what I have because of I'm so stressed and the daily emotions to become a dad for her and be the best I can for my daughter. I'm sorry, I'm trying to read this. I'm sorry I'm

trying to read what you wrote here. I also have to worry about fixing the house, paying the bills, fixing the car, making sure I have enough money to support my family. It's become very difficult to take control of all that and really become a man. I really appreciate your time reading this. Have a great day, Nathan. Okay, Nathan, dude, I appreciate you. Shout out to New Mexico. Thank you for emailing. I see a major flaw in this email. Here's the deal. Let me just spit this out as

clearly as I can. You have the girl, and you have the baby girl, and you don't want to get married yet because you're scared of divorce, and you're scared of divorce because you don't want to split up the biological parents of your baby girl. But do you see what I'm getting at here, you already have the baby

girl and you already have the biological parents together. So if you choose to not get married and split now, what's the difference to the baby girl and splitting now or getting a divorce later and splitting as a divorce like that's just a legal document, the divorce papers. But to your baby girl, mommy and daddy are not together. So your end goal you're trying to accomplish is you want baby girl to have mommy and daddy together. That only means that only means you marry this married the mama.

You marry the baby mama. That's to accomplish what you're saying. Your subject line says, being a man, Do you want to be a man? Marry the baby mama marrier, That's how you be a man. I could summ up everything, all these problems of house bills and fixing cars. That's life.

Everyone listening to this podcast understands that. And so you fight through it, and you fight for your marriage, and you fight for baby mama, and you fight for your baby girl, and you pay the bills as you get them the best that you can, and you take on a second job if you have to. You move if you have to, You do what you can. Life is a battle. You're in a battle right now. This is not all roses. The baby girl is here. You can't. You don't have the liberty of making the decision to

be single man anymore because she's here. So if you want to support her the best that she needs, she needs you to stay together with biological mother. That's what she needs. There is no better solution for her than to you to get married right now. Go to the courthouse and get married tomorrow after you hear this podcast. There is no better way. There is no alternate solution to this. There is no better woman out there that you eventually find and date and marry and she becomes

the stepmother that is not as good as biological Mama. Today, I don't think I could say anything more clearly to you, with all respect, congratulations on your beautiful baby girl, your beautiful five month old baby girl with a huge future ahead of her, and she needs mommy and daddy together for her. Regardless of what your heart tells you, your heart is deceiving you. That's what the Bible says. Could prove that. It doesn't just take the Bible to see

that our hearts deceive us. We want to follow, and people say follow your heart. That's lying to you, dude. Things Think where that gets people when they follow their heart? Where does that get people in this world? Three or four divorces is want to get them to following your heart feels good in the moment and then ten years later your heart goes Nah, never mind. I got another idea. Are you gonna follow it? Then? Marry baby mama, raise your girl the right way, and you'll be a man.

Thank you, guys, Sorry for the Sorry for the rants today. Love y'all. See you Monday. Ye thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a question for me that you would like me to answer, or email granger Smith Podcast at gmail dot com. Yeh