You are answering your question for you. You don't need to email me to know the right answer. And this is I said something similar on the beginning of this episode, but you're you're seeing red flags and then you're continuing to ask the question when you already know the answer. What's up, everybody, Thanks for coming, Thanks for joining Grangersmith Podcast.
This is episode one three one. Wherever you came from, maybe you came from an Instagram post or TikTok, or heard me talk about it on After Midnight or this Smiths. Wherever you're listening, whether it's Spotify or YouTube or our Apple podcast or whatever your favorite podcast platform is. I'm just glad you're here. I love doing this show. I'm reading your questions you ask them to me. Send an email to Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com, and we
could talk about any subject. It doesn't have to be music. It could be about anything, whatever life throws at you, and we're going to talk about it. As though me and you are sitting in the cab of a truck and we're on a road trip and we've got all the time in the world, and you say, hey, man, could I run something by you? I've got a question, something I've been wrestling with, something I'm excited about, and
we'll talk about it. I'm not always right, but I'm going to tell you my best answer as though me and you are friends. And I love this. I love this podcast. First question I have here, says Hey Granger, my name is coy See. I don't read these ahead of time, and I'm from Colorado. My girlfriend of two years broke up with me recently, and I'm stuck at a crossroads. I've been through heartbreak before, but this one feels different. Every time, I feel like I'm moving on
and doing better. She sees that and then reaches out to me. I feel like she's the only She's only doing this to make sure that I'm still in love with her, But she does not want me to be. She does not want to be with me right now, and she has made that very clear. She also tells me that she still loves me. In my mind. It's a right girl, wrong time situation. Should I hang on or let go? Okay? This is this is such a classic question to jump into the podcast with. First question,
let me debunk something. There is no such thing as right girl, wrong time. That is that's just we have said that. How long have humans said that, I don't know right girl or right guy, wrong time? That that doesn't exist. That doesn't even make sense. Think about it for a second. If it was the right person, then it would be also the right time. It can't be the right person at the wrong time, otherwise it's not the right person. If it's the wrong time, then it's
also the wrong person. I understand that you could think about what ifs and could have been and if we had met, you know, at this time, or if we if we only if we had met when she graduated high school in three years, or you know, if I could only meet her when I finally finished the academy or when I finally get my degree, then I would be ready for her. But that's just that's hypothetical, and we never We shouldn't speak in hypothetical when we're talking
about the present. Your questions are about the present, and so we only have today. We can only deal with today, and so there is no right girl, wrong time, And so I want to start with that. That's the last thing you said. The second thing I want to talk about is she broke up with you. Your heart broken. She doesn't want to be with you. You've made that clear. She made that clear. You said that in your email.
She doesn't want to be with you, yet she's reaching out to you and touching base with you, kind of worried about if you're going to meet somebody. I want to tell you that doesn't have anything to do with y'all's relationship or with you. This is an insecurity on her part because she hasn't found anybody yet. She's looking, she's ready to go on a date, and she's really this is her ego thinking, am I going to meet somebody before he does? Or is he going to meet
somebody before me? And if he meets somebody, will he love her more than me? So that's why she's still saying I love you, And there's truth to that. You know, love is at all different kinds of levels, and so she loves you at some level because of the history that y'all have together. But I think this is an ego thing with her. I think this is and I'm not really calling her out like it's a bad thing.
I'm just saying this is a natural human ego coming out and saying it's a race to see who could find the relationship first, and if you do, she really wants to know is this new girl better than her? Because she wants to she wants to rank herself personally, nothing to do with you. She wants to rank herself and feel good about herself that she's worthy of the next guy. So this is this is all. This is
a problem, and the problem is stemming with her. So because she's not coming back, because she's made it clear she don't want to come back, and because you're heartbroken, you got to cut this off. Man. That's all there is to it. That's my advice. This is the wrong girl, wrong time, right. You got to say that to yourself. And as hard as as it is to do, you're gonna have to block her in your phone or just
stop replying, whichever one. If you're strong enough to not reply, great, If you're not strong enough to not reply, then you need a blocker, and you do that right now, and you pull up your phone, you pull up her number, and your heart's gonna beat and you're gonna think, oh, this is terrible. Then you're gonna go boom block and then you're not gonna see that stuff anymore. And then you're finally gonna be able to heal and move on because there's no chance. She's not giving you a chance.
She's just she's playing with you, dude, She's playing with you. I think that's all I have to say. Next question says that subject line says advice. It says, Hey Granger, your my name is Chase. I'm twenty years old from Oregon. I've been listening to your podcast on and off for about a year now. I really love hearing all the light that you bring into people's lives. I felt called to drop out of school temporarily and work full time
to find myself. But when I did this, I had roommate issues and ended up having to move three times in one month. My job ended up not being the best over the course of the next three months, and I fell into a huge financial hole. I have faith that I will be back, but how do I get my mind to focus on anything other than my finances? Thanks a lot, Chase, Yeah, Chase, tough times man, and
thanks for your email shout out to Oregon. Here's what I would say to you, aside from the fact that and I'm not doubting you on this, that you are you're looking for another job. You're looking for ways to double up your income, whether that's working a couple jobs or that's just getting a better job. I understand this financial hold that you've gotten yourself into. I understand everyone listening, including me, has been through these kind of valleys. That's
just what's going to happen. I mean, maybe there's some trust fund babies out there that have never thought about it, but that's super rare. Okay, you're going through a financial value. Here's my advice. Like I said, besides, you are diligently looking for something else, another income stream. Whenever you're struggling, and this is not just this is not just your financial situation. Whenever you're struggling with something that it's overcoming your mind and it's bringing you down and you get
stuck in a rut. Your brain gets stuck in a rut going back and forth to this issue, and this issue is affecting your ability to move forward and everything else that you do. You have to start having enough discipline in yourself. This is gonna sound funny. You need to have enough self discipline in yourself to literally schedule a time to worry. Okay, and when you're gonna worry. You're not worried about tomorrow or next month. You only are allowed to worry about today. Today's problems are big
enough in themselves. Okay, tomorrow has enough worries of its own. You can't deal with it. That's biblical. So when I say schedule, this is what I mean. You were worried about these finances, and you're gonna think about it when you wake up, and you're gonn think about it all day, and you're gonna think about it when you lay your head down in your pillow at night. So you're gonna tell yourself, I'm going to worry about this because it's a big deal and it's happening today right now. But
I'm gonna worry about this at three o'clock. Like I said, this sounds funny. Do this three o'clock to three fifteen. That's my worry about finances time. I'm gonna give myself fifteen minutes and I'm gonna dive into this and I'm gonna worry about it, and I'm gonna think about it. I'm gonna I'm gonna reflect on how I got here. I'm gonna I'm gonna think about a plan to get out of it. Then this is aside from the fact that you're looking for a job in the meantime, But
this is the time to worry. Three to three fifteen. And when three fifteen hits your watch, you tell yourself, well, I've already done my worrying for the day about this, so I'm not gonna think about it. And at four o'clock and five o'clock and six o'clock, when it pops back in your brain, you go, I already worry about that. I already gave myself the fifteen minutes to dive into that kind of stress. And there's nothing more I could do right now than I already did in fifteen minutes.
There's nothing that's gonna help me worry at all anymore than the I already did at fifteen minutes. Three to three fifteen. Okay, you could do this, make it, make it anytime. Ten am, I don't care, ten pm, I don't care. Make yourself time if you want, twenty minutes, if you need thirty minutes, whatever. I think. Fifteen minutes is the first thing that popped in my head. Chase, give yourself fifteen minutes and just worry and stress and
cry and sweat whatever. But when three fifteen rolls around, you're done with it. Okay. Nothing else is gonna make things better If you worry all day, Okay, it's only gonna get worse, and you're gonna you're gonna be inhibited by this worry, and that's gonna affect your ability to find the next job, the next income stream for you. See what happens. Try this and see what happens. Next question says subject line dating. Hey, my name is Kate, and I've gone out with the guy for a couple
of dates. But when I try to make plans with him now, he says, I'm really busy. I'm always the one starting conversations and he only wants to text. Every guy seems to do this to me. Is it just an excuse, Kate? Yeah, here's the hard answer for you. Yes, it's an excuse. It's a major excuse. I'm really busy. I'm really You try to make plans with him and he says, I'm real busy. Is that not a red flag?
It is a red flag to everyone that's listening except you, and I get it because when you're in it, you don't see this huge red flag. Okay, Imagine this, Kate. Imagine Imagine the relationship goes to the next level. Imagine you get engaged. Imagine you're married, and three years down the road of marriage, you can't do anything with him because he says I'm real busy. Is that what you want? And that happens all the time? Is that what you want out of a relationship a guy that says I'm
real busy. No, it's not. Of course it's not. So Why do you think that that's okay at the beginning of the very beginning of a relationship, for that to be said and for you to understand and that to not be just an excuse to not see you. Why is that okay? Why are you going to accept that now? No, you're not so. Yes, it's an excuse. And no, this is not right. This is not right, especially at the beginning of relationship. This should be nothing but roses and
movies and flowers and dinner dates. I mean, he should be pouring into you right now. He should be courting you right now at the beginning of a relationship, not telling you he's real busy. Let him do that in ten years, but not now. That's a bad sign. No, stay away, from this guy. That's all I have to say. Next question, Subdecline says stage Fright question. Hey, grand your my name is Cole. I'm twenty five years old from Mississippi.
Been listening to your podcast for a while. Public speaking is becoming a more prominent part of my life as I get older, especially for work, school, and church. It seems it's a part of nearly everyone's life to some extent. The problem is, I am terrified of public speaking, even in front of just a few people. For a long time, I've tried to dodge it, but I realized I can't avoid it forever. I often get thrust into fight to fight or flight, and it's difficult for me to get
my head back into the game and finish speaking. Not only is this annoying, but it's also kind of embarrassing, especially in front of people. I know. I just get the feeling like I'm defeated and I'm a failure. I know you do a lot of public speaking and performing, and I was curious if you had any advice. Thanks in Ee, Cole Buddy, thanks for thanks for the email. Great question. Shout out to Mississippi. Yes, of course, of
course I deal with this still to this day. And I've done a lot on stage, so let me walk you through kind of a little team to maybe help. And before I started, I just want to tell you this is a normal feeling. You're human. To get up in front of people and to speak is difficult, and it's very rare to be born with the ability for that not to bother you. And I want to make it an argument that it's a good thing that stage
fright bothers you to some extent. It's a good thing because you said fight or flight, Well, we have to be able to use that fight or flight for our advantage because it's built into our human anatomy for a reason, and it's ancient. It goes back to the beginning of humans. Is you know, when we're out there and we're hunting in the forest and you're going after a deer and a jaguar is stalking you. Well, you see a glimpse of that jaguar and your eyes widen, you become you know,
your eyes are dilated, they see perfectly. Your heartbeat increases, ready for action. You know, all the blood goes to your extremities and you're ready. Your muscle strength increases. All this adrenaline is helping you to defend yourself or to make the kill. Now, I don't think it's very often that we're gonna be chased by jaguars today in twenty twenty two, but you could use that to your advantage.
For instance, you're not gonna get up in a public speaking environment and get ready to talk and start daydreaming. You're not going to daydream if this adrenaline is kicking in. In fact, in my shows, my worst shows by far are the times when I get bored and start daydreaming. And that's maybe because it's just a very relaxed crowd,
or I'm just I'm a little too comfortable. And when I get a little too comfortable, every time I'll start daydreaming, I'll start thinking about, man, I'm hungry, what's for dinner after the show? And I will forget the next verse. I'll forget the top of the words to the next verse. And so I want to use that adrenaline to keep me focused, to keep me very present in the moment, because your fight or flight that you're talking about, that's
what that's doing, is keeping you ultimately present. You're perfectly present in the moment. You're not thinking about yesterday or what you're gonna have for dinner later tonight. You're thinking about right now, execute perfectly right now. So first of all, use that to your advantage. And then what I want to tell you this routine I want to tell you about is breathing is so important. So before you go on stage, I want you to breathe. Don't forget to breathe.
Excel all the way till you're told all the air is completely out of your diaphragm, and then inhale slowly through your nose and then exhale through your mouth slowly. So and you're gonna you're gonna want to fight that at first because you're gonna want to take these shallow breaths and those shallow breasts will increase your anxiety, increase your heart rate, and decrease your ability to speak clearly.
So you want to slow yourself down with breathing. So start this routine five or ten minutes before you go on stage. Start breathing, and try to avoid too many conversations with people on the side of the stage or backstage, and you can straight up tell them like hey, I'm gonna I'm gonna focus up on what I'm about to do, and anyone would understand that I'm about to go on stage. I'm I'm gonna focus real quick, and they'd be like, yeah, cool, instead of telling you the story that they're about to
tell you. So breathe walk slowly, okay, And then I think this is so important. But when you get on stage and you fill that anxiety kicking in, and like you said here in your email, not only is it annoying, but it's also kind of embarrassing. I would walk up on the stage and I would I would say that to people because what you're gonna do is you're gonna
disarm the crowd completely. So instead of looking at Coal, who's about to give this speech and they're they're mentally judging your ability to do public speaking, you're gonna disarm them and you're gonna put yourself up as this vulnerable guy that's no different than they are. And you're gonna say something like, hey, guys, I'm col and I'm gonna give you this speech today, whatever it might be, and you're and you're gonna say something like, before I start,
I want to be completely honest with y'all. I'm a little bit nervous. Public speaking makes me nervous, and that makes me a little embarrassed. And so uh, if I fumble some words here, it's just because I really want to say the right thing and I want to do this right. This is so important to me today to tell you guys what I'm about to say, and I've prepared this and because of that, that's made me a little bit nervous. And I hope that you could indulge
me in this, and that completely disarms the crowd. Everyone in the crowd just kind of exhales with you, and they're like, yeah, man, I don't I get it. I would be the same way if I were in your shoes, Cole, I would feel the same way. That's what they're going to think in the crowd, and then that that's going to help you move to the top of your speech. Whatever public speaking you're about to do, that works for me. I do it a lot. I do it a lot. I'll get up if if I feel uncomfortable, I'll just
go ahead and say it. Guys. I feel nervous today. I feel I feel stressed out right now because this is out of my wheelhouse a little bit. So just go ahead and tell him that Cole, good luck to you. Let me know what happens. Email back. Let's grab one more and take a break. This subject line says patience or pounce. Hey Granger, I know relationship questions are your main thing now, but here's gonna here's another one. Lol. So I've been talking to this guy and I like him.
I'm pretty sure he likes me. We flirt back and forth, but we're both kind of shy. We've talked about going out, but we we haven't actually set a time to go out, and I don't want to sound very pushy by asking him when we are going out. Should I have patience and wait it out and see if God puts it in motion? Or should I make the first move and ask him out instead of date? Thanks so much? So, I mean, that's a good question. That's a good this is a this is a this is an interesting situation.
You're both shy when you say should I wait it out and see if God puts it in motion? What do you What do you think that means? Like? Do you think that means God is going to write something in the clouds and say ask her out? Doesn't God doesn't work like that. He doesn't. He works through people. So a lot of times he works through our passions. Our desires are once as long as they're righteous, he works through that. And so this feeling that you're having, like, man,
I like this guy. I could see he likes me, and I could also tell we're both shy, and I don't know when this is going to happen. How do you know that that's not God working through you to put for you to put it in motion. I don't think it causes any problem or it's any harm for you to tell them one time, Hey, there's this coffee shop downtown that I've been going to. I think it's great, and would you want to go and grab some coffee with me, say three o'clock, and to see what he says.
I mean, you're putting it out to him. It's not there's no pressure to that. And you could even say there's no pressure, but I really I dig the vibe of this coffee shop and there's there's one coffee I really like to get, and I want to know if you want to go with me today this afternoon and see what he says. I mean, if he's a shy guy,
that might be exactly what he wanted to hear. He might say yes, and then I think when he says yes and you guys go for coffee, I think that builds his confidence to then make the next move and ask you to do something later. If you want to be more specific than an opening in coffee, then you could say, Hey, there's this movie that I've been really wanting to see and I was thinking about going. It shows at seven pm at the theater, and I'm going to go at seven and do you think you want
to go with me? Make it specific, make a specific time in a specific place, and bring it up. No pressure. But I think this is I think that's a good thing. I don't think there's anything wrong with you doing that. Let's take a break and bear right back. If you have a question for this podcast, email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. I'll put it in the queue. It could be about any subject. We could talk about
anything you want. I'm not always right, but I'll tell you as though we are friends and we have a long time to discuss it. I'll give you what I think about the situation, so don't take it to heart. I'm not a therapist. I'm not a psychologist, just I'm your friend. We'll look at it that way. Next question in que here says you may have a podcast already done on this, but how do I let go and let God? My wife is a God believer and always tells me stop stressing and let God work. But how
do I do this? My stressing and worrying about finances and work takes a toll on my wife. Any marriage advice about God and stress would be good. So interesting question, interesting in the way that you worded it. And I'll tell you why you're asking me advice about God. But you're saying it's because your God. Your wife is a God believer, but not you. At least you didn't say that, but you kind of hinted that your wife is the one that is telling you this. And so I'll answer
the question the way you asked it first. Okay, the way I'll answer it for you in your words is there is no God. This is something your wife believes but you don't. And the world is full of stress, and it's full of anxiety, and there's a lot of finances to worry about, and there's a lot of marriage
problems to worry about. Sorry, buddy, that's my answer. But if I'm going to answer it the way I think you want to hear it, I'm going to say, if you believe in God, which is the starting point in this, then this is what you would believe, maybe the way your wife does. You would believe that if there is a God of the Bible, then he created everything. He created the universe, He created the world as we know it,
He ordained the fall, He ordained the problems that surround us. Why, well, I would suggest to you if he didn't create ordain allow I should say, the problems, then what would make life sweet at all? If there was only light, then why would light be any different than dark if you didn't have a reference to dark. But by bringing in the darkness, it makes the light that much more beautiful. It makes the light that much more worth living in
because there's darkness. See, if you only lived in light, you wouldn't have a reference to what darkness was, and it wouldn't matter. The light wouldn't be special, It would just be would be bland. So I use the analogy of football. If you take an NFL team that struggles in the season with injuries and losses and weather and
locker room problems. But they come together and they fight through it, and they unite, and they put their their sweat and blood and tears into the season and they go all the way to the super Bowl and they win it. How much sweeter is that trophy when they hold it up? How much better does it feel to have the victory when you when you overcame so much diversity as opposed to a team that holds up a trophy, They never had any diversity or losses or injuries or problems.
It was just easy. The trophy doesn't matter. The finish line doesn't matter at that point like it does with the with the adversity. So I would say that that would first of all, help better explain the fallenness of the world and why it's here. And then you could think, well, if he created all this, then he also created me, and he also created my wife, and he also has
a plan for me and a purpose for me. And if he has a purpose for me, if he created the beginning, then he also understands the end and he purposed that too, And he sees the whole picture. He sees the beginning, he sees the struggle, he sees the end, and it's always good because everything that He does is good. According to the Bible, everything God does has a purpose, has a meaning, and it's always good. And his definition of good, it's not always ours because we can't see
the end. We can't see the final result. When we discipline a child, Right, we discipline a little kid, we spank him. That kid cannot see very much past the spanking and the pain of the spanking. Right, But as the parent, we see that the spanking is good and that the end result is obedience, and the end result of obedience is a better life and more discipline and a better path to better things. Right, that's what we see as parents, But a kid can't see it. And we,
in God's eyes, we are the kids. We can't see past these immediate problems. So when you when your wife says, let go and let God, it's it's the simple fact of understanding, Hey, God, God brought me into existence. He's purposing where I am right now, and he has a plan for the end goal for me. And that simple thought you could I'm not saying that. I'm not saying I don't have stress or I don't have worries, but understanding that gives you a sense of peace that nothing
else can like. Man, this is this is crazy right now, this is stressful. Right now, I'm so worried. But God knows how this is going to end, and he has a good purpose for that. That's what your wife's talking about. You don't have to believe that. And if you don't, if you don't believe that at all, Man, that life is tough, then you have no fallback. It's just random existence,
and anything that happens is just random. It's just part of amiebas that just spawned out of nothing, out of gases that turned into rocks that somehow turned into life, and it has no purpose. It's just all random and meaningless. But your wife is trying to tell you that everything has meaning, everything has purpose. So you have two paths to take, and you don't have to be super spiritual or super deep or an overthinker to see simply that in this world, these two choices are pretty clear random
random chaos or or somebody some being planned this. When you see anything beautiful and you look at it and you just go, man, how in the world did this come into existence? How did an eyeball come into existence? How did the Grand Canyon, or a flower so detailed, a snowflake with all the millions of chambers in the snowflake. How did this just randomly happen? It couldn't And there's no way. There's just no way. Like I said, you don't have to be a deep thinker to come up
to that conclusion. Right. That's where we are. That's my answer for you. Next question, Subjecline says addictions. Hey, grangdeer, I'm fifteen. I'm from Midwest Michigan. I'm battling an Arizona Arnold Palmer addiction. It gets worse daily. My body is relying on the caffeine and the tea. If I go a day without it, my body doesn't function well. But the days when I do drink it, I get shaky and constantly have to use the bathroom or get overhydrated.
Every day. I'm not sure what to do. I appreciate you reading this. Have a great day, Stephen. Stephen. First of all, I don't know a lot about Arizona Arnold Parmel addiction. So this is one of these situations where you're gonna need medical advice from a professional. And then, and then I would encourage you to seek wise counsel in that circle. So you find other people that have gone through this, are currently going through it, and you seek them out and you become part of their community.
We could just be YouTube, right, it could be a YouTube community, or it could be you're actually physically in a place with them and you say, this is what I'm dealing with, and you need someone that says, yes, I feel you. I've been there, guys. This goes with anything, not just this specific subject. I've been there, I've struggled, this is what I did, this is what I tried that failed, and this is what I did that ended up working. And this is where I am today, and
you find comfort in that community. We need community as humans, So seek out this White's Council, seek out medical professional advice. And then if you're just talking about caffeine addiction or any kind of chemical addiction, we can't go cold turkey and quit it. We can't just say I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and not do any caffeine at all at all, because you're gonna have withdrawals, chemical withdrawals. So what I would encourage you to do for my non medical advice
is start keeping a daily journal. And there's apps that can do this, or you could just do it straight on your notes on your phone. But I would keep a journal of how much caffeine you're taking in and record it. And I'm talking to the milligram. So you have a cup of coffee and you go there's there's one hundred grams of right there, one hundred milligrams of caffeine right there. And then you have an energy drink or a coke or whatever, and you record it accordingly
in your phone. Precisely. Do this for a couple days. Don't change anything in your life. Just do this for a couple of days, maybe a week, and then go back and look at the week, and then add up the milligrams and then divide it and find out your average daily intake of caffeine. And then when Monday rolls around the next Monday and you have your week's average,
then slowly start pulling that average down. So say you have five hundred milligrams a day average, start the Monday and go today, I'm going to record everything precisely, and I'm going to do four hundred milligrams today. And when you hit four hundred, you don't touch anything else after that, and you could spread it out over the course of the day if you want, so that your last cup of whatever comes later in the day, and you could spread it out so it's not all in the morning.
And then the next week and then record that week, and then the next week after that, you're gonna cut down to three hundred, and you're gonna and when you journal this and you're writing down the milligrams, also write down how you're currently feeling, so that on week one, when you say this is three hundred milligrams, I'm three hundred milligrams in and I feel shaky, and then write that every day, so you're you're not only getting the
average of how much you're taking, but you're you're getting the average of how you're feeling. Also the next week, do the same thing. Week three, you're cutting down to three hundred. Week four, cut down to two hundred, and continue journaling. So maybe at two hundred you say I'm having some kind of withdrawt my body's not functioning right now, and this is two hundred. So next week I'm gonna bump it up to two fifty and then journal two fifty and you say I'm still not functioning on two fifty.
So on week five, I'm going to two seventy five and try to find try to find that place where you go, Okay, this is this is pretty good. Actually I'm not I'm not shaking, and I'm also functioning. I'm at a pretty good level right now. This is while you're also seeking medical advice and the community of people that have the same thing you do. This is good.
This is good not only for caffeine, but it could be good for any kind of addiction or eating or I mean, you might be having a gluten intolerance, okay, and you could do the same thing with gluten. We don't have to say you got to be drinking a lot of water. You got to be drinking a lot of water. You said that you're you're overhydrating, but it's it's not the good kind of hydrating if you're getting
that much caffeine. So I'm talking about straight water. And I would recommend a glass of water for every glass of caffeine drink. So one cup of coffee followed by a cup of water. That's not going to help you go into the bathroom deal. And that's just that this is what you're going to be dealing with. But I don't think you're overhydrating in the right way. I think you're overhydrating in a negative way to your body. That's about all I could say about this subject because I
don't know a lot about it. But buddy, thank you for emailing and shout out to Michigan. Keep in touch, man, let me know what's going on. Okay, next question, subject line says he's moving is letting him go best? Hey Grangeer, I'm twenty one years old and my gym crush is moving. We've been out of out on a couple of dates and stuff, and me and him have painted this picture
that we could possibly move into something more. I've asked him what am I to him, and he said he doesn't want to get into a relationship right now because he's wanting to have his own apartment and his dogs. I don't know when he's moving, but I knew that before we started. There's a lot more to this email. Well do I need to continue? That's my question. He said to me that if we're going to get into a relationship, he knows he isn't going to give me
his best right now. And I said the same that I'm not ready, but I saw myself getting attached, so I figured it was best for us to not continue seeing each other right now. What's a good decision. You are answering your question for you. You don't need to email me to know the right answer. And this is I said something similar on the beginning of this episode. But you're seeing red flags and then you're continuing to ask the question when you already know the answer. Let
me ask you this. Take yourself out of it, take the situation out of it, and let me just straight up ask you a question. Hey, if there's a guy you like and you want to go on a date with him, and he says, I don't want to get into really relationship right now because I really love my apartment and my dogs, would you please tell me if that's a red flag? Would you please tell me if this is going to go anywhere. That's an honest question. I'm asking your question back to you. Is that gonna work?
He likes his dogs. That's the worst excuse I've ever heard. That's an absolutely terrible excuse to not get into relationship. I've heard a thousand better ones. But he likes his apartment and his dogs. Is that's ridiculous. No, this is not This is not good. It's not that he's a bad guy. It's just a bad excuse. He doesn't like you, And if he is, he's just playing with you. He's leading you on because it feels good to him to
have someone that's that's all about him right now. No, let him go, let him move, and don't reach out to him. If he all of a sudden wakes up one day and figures out that you're the love of his life and dogs don't matter as much, he's gonna come back, or he's gonna pay for your plane ticket to go to him. But no, you're not gonna fall for this excuse. If he likes his dogs, I'm not saying it's a bad thing to like dogs. He just he's straight up told you. He's straight up told you
he likes his dogs better than you. No, no, get away from this guy. All right, let's let's move on down the queue. Here, sepen Cline says confidence, Hey Granger, my name is Keegan, fifteen years old from a small town in northwest Iowa. I'm in a rough time right now. I'm overweight. I'm trying to get back on the right track and keep myself and keep finding myself in the
same spot. And I keep going through these low spots, and I have not one single bit of confidence, as was wondering if you if you know how to regain confidence in myself. Well, first of all, Keegan, thank you, thanks for the email shout out to Iowa. You are a fifteen brother, and this is normal for you to
think this. You have a lot more growing to do, a lot more developing to do from fifteen to twenty five, and you're going to be shocked at how much you're going to grow mentally, how much more discipline you're going to get, how much more confidence is going to grow in these next ten years. I know that doesn't help you very much, but don't dwell on this right now at fifteen, your confidence will come me as a fifteen year old looking back, Hegan me, as a fifteen year old,
go Lee. That was so I was so insecure and had so little amount of confidence. But where does confidence come from? It comes from living life and failing and achieving and failing and failing and failing and achieving and failing times five and achieving, and you grow confidence through that knowing I know what it's like to fail. I'm failing at this right now, but that's okay. I've failed many times and I've also succeeded, and it's worth failing
so that I can get to the next success. And you do this pattern enough time, Keegan, you are going to grow profoundly in your confidence level with yourself. Don't dwell on this right now. What I would recommend is lean into your friends. Find a group. Maybe you're thinking I don't have friends. Start making friends. How do I do that? Start with things that you like to do, hobbies, books that you like to read. Find people that like that book. Movies that you like to watch, Find people
that like to watch that movie. A sport that you like to play, Find people that play that sport or whatever hobby fill in the blank. Find people that are like minded to you, that have the same interesting you. Find them and latch onto them and tell them tell them what you told me. Say, Hey, do any of y'all struggle with having low confidence? I struggle with that, trying to find myself, trying to get on the right path,
and I'm trying to build up my confidence. And watch what happens to a group when someone else goes same, Yeah, I'm the same, and you go, really like, what tell me an example? When they tell you an example, and you go, I feel that. I feel that, Kegan right, Community is everything. It's the same thing with the guy with Arnold Palmer. You find a group that could understand where you're coming from. But you also need to know Kegan that you're fifteen, and this is going to change.
When you're sixteen, you're gonna have more confidence than fifteen. When you're eighteen, you're gonna have way more confidence than when you are fifteen, when you're twenty one, when you're twenty five, and by the time you get to thirty, you are a different person because you've lived it and you've learned through the living. That's where confidence comes from. You can't find it anywhere else besides living it, and you will. Okay, thanks for email. All right, let's hit
one more here. Subject line says I got a lot going on. Hey Granger, I love your music. My name is Alex Rodriguez. I'm eighteen years old. I recently tore my acl and meniscus on my birthday. I lost a couple of scholarships, and then my girlfriend left me and then I got diagnosed with skin cancer and I can't find happiness anymore. Yeah, I could smile, but I struggled just being happy. And I try to keep a strong mentality, but man, I'm slowly losing it. Is there anything you'd
recommend to do, Alex? Thanks for the email, Brother eighteen. You got a lot going on right now. Man. You got some torn up knees, you've got a bad relationship, you have a cancer scare. It's understandable that you're going to ask me this question. But what I would tell you is is going to be so simple that you only have today, Alex, because tomorrow is not guaranteed. All of us have an expiration date at some point, and
we don't have a guarantee on anything past today. So I would find I would search for what you're grateful for in today, because right now your gratefulness has now fallen below your expectations of how you're supposed to be living. You're thinking, I'm supposed to have scholarships, I'm supposed to have healthy needs, I'm supposed to have a good girlfriend. I'm supposed to be completely healthy with no cancer in
my body. But that's what you expect so your expectations have risen above the gratefulness that you're feeling for your life today. So how do you find gratefulness. Well, let's go back to journaling. I would start, I would start a gratefulness journal. Every morning up and you go, you pull out that piece of paper pen and you say, today, I'm grateful that I woke up this morning and I've got another chance at today. I'm grateful that the sun's
out and it's seventy degrees. It's really nice, it's not hot, it's not cold. I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful that I have my family. My family keeps me alive, and I love that. I'm grateful that I feel pretty good today, even though I have this diagnosis, I have these torn up knees. You not feel pretty good today, And as you start recording this gratefulness journal, you start raising your gratefulness above what you expected to be today instead of thinking, ah,
I've got all this bad stuff today. So raise your gratefulness and aim low. If you can't find gratefulness, keep aiming lower lower. If your whole body hurts you right, you could find gratefulness that my hands don't hurt my knees hurt, my chest hurts, my head or I got a headache, my feet are aching. But hey, my hands, my hands don't have any pain. Hey, that's aiming low for your gratefulness. That's finding something, and that's something to
build on. So build that foundation of gratefulness with little things if you can't find the big ones, and then I will say, this day will pass, This will pass for you, Okay, So live in today, live in this moment, because this moment's going to pass, and there's good times ahead of you. How do I know that because we have a human tradition of being resilient. You have a long history, a long heritage of people before you, Alex, that made it through tough times, that made it through
impossible times that seemed impossible, and they made it. You have a history, a heritage, a legacy of that human culture. We always find a way, We always do. And so that's why I know that you will too, and the sun's gonna come up again and you'll feel better. I appreciate you guys. We'll see you next Monday. Gee, thanks for joining me on the Granger Smith podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe
to this channel. Hit that little like button and notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a question for me that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com, yig