#129 Some people aren’t going to heal

answer your questions. The reason Bernie's on here is because if I have a question in my life for the last twenty two years, I call Bernie and I say, hey, Burns, I got something I'm dealing with, can you help me? And he always delivers just what I need to hear. It's a great thing to have for that long and also reminds us that we getting old. Man, we're getting old. Yeah, here you got the silver fox thing going. Man, I

know we're getting old, both of us. So the format of this podcast is we answer your questions if you have anything you want to walk through with us, And we like to say it's like we're sitting around a campfire, embers are dying down and you walk up and you say, hey, guys, can I talk about something, something that's been on my mind, something's been bothering me, something I'm excited about, a decision

I have to make, could I ask you? And so then we walk through it like we're around that campfire and h and we talk about it as much as we can. We're not always right, and that's okay. We're just going to tell you what the best advice we would give each other as buddies, that's what we want to give you. Yeah, And I definitely want to recognize that we have a voice here, which I don't take lightly,

and I know that Griz doesn't take lightly. We have a voice, and there's a lot of people out there that don't have a voice, and so we want to use it in a way that comes across as very humble and curious and really here, I know the heart of this podcast from Granger to you guys is to encourage and build you up and enter into your heartbreak. You're suffering your life. Your challenge is with you, and we want to be a voice that is that kind

of positive influence for you. Absolutely absolutely so to get on this podcast to get your question to me, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Don't hesitate could be about anything. The only thing I really ask is make it about a phone linked question, because if it gets more than that, it's harder to read. And we'll walk through it with you. So we got the first one right here. I've got a bunch of them today. Subject line on this one is as soon as you stop looking,

it says Hey Granger. And by the way, Burns, I read this question right before, it's it's kind of interesting. Okay, Hey Granger, I want to start off by saying music and everything you stand for, you've showed me a clear path to get closer to God, and I want to thank you for that. My name is Abigail. I'm twenty years old. I'm from a small town in Alberta, Canada. Recently, I decided that I was not going to look for

a relationship at the moment. I wanted to work on myself and make sure that I'm truly ready for one. But of course, because I decided that just like your song, happens like that, as soon as I stopped looking, it was right in front of my face, the guy I made an effort to see more frequently now because he's the guy that my family wants me to be with. Now he's asking me if we can go get coffee sometime, and I'm so stumped. Do I continue my path of self discovery and see where it goes or talk to

one of these guys. I really don't know what to do. And my family's influence over who they want me to be with is really taking a toll on me. So here we go. This is interesting. So she has two guys, the guy that I made an effort to see more frequently now and the guy that my family wants to be me to be with, are saying that she go

to coffee. And so basically what's happening here is this is someone that's listened to the podcast that's taken our advice burns on being single and secure, being happy alone, finding contentment, and just as I have predicted on this podcast, when you start doing that, when you make an effort to be content and single and content alone, you are putting off an attraction to others because they see that and they're like, man, what is it about that girl?

Like she's different. Confidence is like moth to a flame. Yeah, So because of that and because of her confidence and her security in herself. She's now put off this attraction. I want to use this question as an example to so many others that we try to preach this into. And my theory has always been that when you do this, you just become more attractive, you become different, becomes something special. And now look at Abigail. She's got two guys wanting

to take her to coffee. And one of them is the one she used to really like and now and and the other one is like the guy that her family really wants her to be with. So you're you're asking the question to me like this is a dilemma, but I'm telling you this is awesome. Yeah, like Abigail,

this is amazing. And I want everyone to see what Abigail has done that she's put an effort into working on being secure with herself because like I said, you're you're you're gonna be born alone and you're gonna die alone, and you have to be secure with that that you alone will be born and die. So so what does

she do now? And she's stumped. Yeah, she does she continue on the path of self discovery and see where it goes, or see where it goes with either one of these eyes, which is interesting dilemma now right, We've never answered one like this. This is like next level. I'm gonna go back to something. I don't know why it popped in my head that we said on the last podcast, and maybe it applies, guys, I don't know. I'm just you know, we're just talking around a campfire here, right.

Instead of telling you what to do, I want to remind you of who God is, and I want you to push into who God is and let that be the determining factor and decision maker of what you should do. Listen, listen, just be still and listen. And I think he's gonna tell you, you you know, ask him for clarity, like like we've said before. And I don't know if we could tell you, oh yeah you should do this, you shouldn't, because it sounds like there's there's freedom in that confidence

that she now has. Yeah, you know, from our view, we don't know these dudes and we don't know our family, and it's like, well, you could do either, so you know what the other interesting thing about this question is is that we talk so much about heartbreak on this podcast and recovering from it or dealing with it or being in the middle of it. So here's a question that's pre heartbreak. Oh yeah, it's good. Right. So what we're just talked about off the air was the importance

of guarding your heart. So first of all, I would say, coffee's not gonna hurt anybody. Go to coffee with both of them. It's not gonna hurt anybody. But go in first with this confidence that you are fine by yourself without a relationship, and two that you are going to guard your heart no matter what happens, no matter if you go, wow, I really click with this guy. I actually really like this guy. But I'm gonna guard my heart because it's not his yet and it wouldn't be

until you get married. But you're going to guard your heart saying I'm gonna hold on. I'm not gonna show them all my cards. Right, I'm gonna take this slow. There's no rush. You're twenty years old. There is no reason to speed anything up. You could do this now. It's hard six months down the road when you already sped it up. It's hard to slow it down once this train gets going. So right now, the train is on the track, stopped at the station, before it goes

recognize I'm gonna take it slow. I think one thing also to kind of look for. I'm just thinking whenever I was in kind of that courtship period with my now wife, is I had a heart that was like, I want to guard her heart as well as mine. I want to lead us in this way. So these guys like, look at how they're Are they really trying to guard your heart and protect you, or are they like, hey, more selfishly, Hey, I just want to I want to spend time with you, and I want to I want

to do this. I want to do this instead of respecting you and really saying, oh, let's take this slow, let's get to know each other, let's kind of take it the way that you're talking about. Yeah, that's great. I think the family component. If a family's telling you they don't like a guy, take it to heart. If a family's telling you they do like a guy, that doesn't matter that much to me. I don't know it means like your heart's going to like them or not.

But that's great. It's great for the first coffee date, but nothing after the coffee date. So I don't think that should influence you. Yeah, above all else, guard your heart. I think Granger said it. We live in this society that we are just talking about where we are just so quick to give ourselves away. And I don't know why we do that. Why do we do that when we know that that is what leads to heartbreak And

that's not that's not just a relationship. But think about a job where you know your career and a company that you just joined and you didn't really you know, think about the and talk to the people and like and you know, research the company that you were going to work for in the line of work, and then you just like jumped in. It's like, man, now I'm like heartbroken because this didn't go the way I thought.

It's like, if you slowed down and just guard your heart a little bit, have the confidence that Abigail has. I think we could avoid a lot of it. Abigail, when you go to coffee, and you don't have to, by the way, if you're like, man, I'm just not into this right now, I'm kind of on a good role.

I'm gonna avoid coffee. I think that's fine. I don't think there's anything wrong also with going to coffee with these guys because I think you'll learn something about the opposite sex and you'll learn something more about yourself through it. Either way, if you start licking one of these guys, like if you feel the little butterfly in your stomach, like, Wow, this guy's really sweet and I'm attracted to them. If you feel that you're heading down two one of two roads,

and I want you to hear this one. This is either somebody that's going to break your heart or you're going to be dealing with a heartbreak with or two your future spouse. So handle accordingly. You are going down one of these paths once again for the tenth time. That's so good that those are really the paths. And I mean, do we think about that when we go into these things, that those are really the two paths, and we think that there's like these other options, it's like, oh, well,

we'll just kind of see. It's like no, you're you're just going down these two too, and so you have to have that mindset. Uh. That's really good. All right, good luck, Abigail. Let's see and thanks for listening. Yeah, thank you, thank you for listening. Oh here's an interesting one burns subject line law of attraction. Hey, Grangeur. This is Luke from Michigan. I love listening to your podcast during my workout. Anyway. My question is about practicing the

Law of attraction as a Christian. Is it's safe to use the Law of attraction and other positive thought moment movements? Thanks? You know what that is? I guess not. It's there is what Luke is referring to. And I think it's a book called the Law of Attraction. I think that's what it's called. But there's there's a lot there's a lot of different books and different lines of thought psychologically

with this the Law of attraction. It's basically if you, if you, if you think it, if you move towards it, the world is like a magnet that brings it to you. Okay, So it's this idea that it's like Jedi mind tricks, you know, it's it's it's this idea, and there's these books that will just lay it all out for you

and just show you examples. But it's like if you if you love a Lamborghini, and that's all you think about it, and you put it on your screensaver and you put a poster on your wall, and that you work towards it, then that law of attraction will eventually get you a Lamborghini. And I do think that you are your discernment is correct. Luke that as a Christian this can get dangerous because nothing about the law of

attraction is biblical. In fact, nothing about it is proven in any way to be anything besides just a strange analogy that people have made in trying to explain the universe. People use all kinds of different ways to explain. People say that we say karma, you know, like, I don't even use the word karma. When someone says that's just bad karma, man, I'm like, why I don't believe in karma.

I like to say it. I like to just say it because because if I say it, it puts it out there and it kind of releases that repentance from my own mind. Because karma is anti Christian. The law of attraction essentially is anti Christian. Why because it's explaining the universe and the conception of the universe and the creation of everything and the direction of our lives in

a different way that's not biblical. Yeah, I think that I don't know enough about this topic to kind of really weigh in specifically, but I think there always is the mentality of thinking that there's these kind of laws of the universe that the Bible took and just applied instead of this is the fundamental truth and every other truth that exists is God's truth and has been pulled into other places and either distorted or reconfigured in order to cool people in and fulfill some manly earth or

humanly glorification instead of god glorification. So this without knowing much about it, maybe this one and other did he say, like other philosophical other positive thought, positive thought movements? Yeah, as a believer, and it sounds like Luke is a is a Christian and a believer. I think you just have to go back to the Word and that needs to be the lens in which you see all these

other things and the guiding light in your life. So yeah, I mean I've had to learn to like listen to these other movements and these other things and say like, oh, yeah, okay, that that's actually in the in the Book of Hebrews, and here's why it's true. So yeah, I'm going to take that. I'm going to take that, but I'm not validating your movement here in its hole h. We'll take the thoughts of that. Like Bernie said, if the Bible's the foundation, then what we could build on top of

that foundation is things like this. I'll tell you this, Luke, Hey, try to think positive, try to work hard. Use those two things. Try to work hard and think positive. Why because that is at a law of the universe that karma will reward you. No, that's just because you're put on this earth to till the ground and work the ground. And you're here on this earth to use your joy to lift others and be a light to others. So try to think positive and work hard. I'm speaking of

the speaking of light. The next question subjectline is wondering in darkness. Hey, grandear, my name is Jordan. I'm twenty eight years old. I'm a deputy sheriff from Utah. I have two sons, six and seven, from my first marriage. I have a very successful career, and I feel like at the rest of my life has been unsuccessful. I've been through two divorces, the second of which I really tried hard to save, but her abuse towards my sons ended up causing us to split up. We have been

divorced almost two years Now. I grew up very active in the Mormon Church. Within the last year I've fallen away from it because I disagree with some of their teachings, but I still believe in God and Jesus. I feel like I'm constantly wondering around in the dark when it comes to religion and finding a woman to have a family with. Please give me advice on what I should do. Thanks Jordan. Wow, there's a lot there. There's a lot.

Shout out to to Jordan, thank you for email, and Buddy twenty eight, thank you for your service as a deputy sheriff, and shout out to all of our friends in Utah. Well, Okay, the foundation of a lot of these the issues that you're having is coming from your lack of understanding of who God is and building a foundation upon that. So we could being right off the last question, so having a biblical understanding of who God is.

And Bernie said this on the last podcast that what we want our heart for you so much in this podcast is what did you say to understand the nature of God? Not to necessarily give you a next step or a direction in life, but we want you to understand who God is and we will both stand here right now and tell you that the way to understand him is by devoting your time in the scriptures daily,

really daily. And the reason I say it like that is because there was most of my life I wasn't so I know that it sounds crazy to say daily, but it's a daily commitment. I think morning are a great time if you just set your alarm a little bit earlier and you just open your Bible and you say, God, I open my eyes to this because I don't understand it.

I live in darkness. I don't want to live in darkness, which John would be a great place to start, because John talks about light and darkness a lot in his book. But God, I want to understand you, and I know that by communicating with each other. I pray and you speak through your word these scriptures. So I'm going to open this and I want to know wisdom from you because I want to be able to lead my family. I want to be able to reconcile these two divorces.

I want to be able to know that the Mormon Church was wrong for me, and I felt a discernment from you, and now I could see why because here's the discrepancies right here in the scriptures, peeing all the new emails I'm about to get from the LDS church. Love you, love you, love you, guys. But but this is my This is my way to tell you this, Jordan, is by you opening that book and saying, I have questions. I want to know. I'm seeking draw me to you,

draw me to you God, so that I could understand. Yeah, I think that I can already feel a lot of people out there thinking to themselves, like Granger, well, I've tried that and it just doesn't do anything for me. That is fundamentally the problem. It you're not hearing what he's saying. It's not what you're doing, it's understanding who he is. You coming to the scripture is not a Okay, God, I'm gonna come here and now you have to do

your part right. It's it's understanding who he is, the creator of the universe, the the creator of the eyeball, as Granger has, you know, like described on this podcast before, or like do we understand like who he is and what he's done and that he's worthy of our lives, our time that Grangeer's talking about going to the scripture changes dramatically when we understand who it is we're going

to meet with. Remember the the prince that you that analogy you did Godly that was so good And I don't remember all of the picture that you were painting, but it was this this image of do we understand who is coming to our house? Why would we ever just sit down and be like, Okay, hey, now you're actually not doing so I'm gonna I'm gonna go in the back room and play some video games and are

you kidding me? Like and and I think I'm not saying this in like an arrogant way because I know, like I've been at places in my life where that what the heart desire was not there and the relationship was not there, and it was a fight. And some days it still is. I was gonna say it still isn't don't get us wrong, It's still it still is

very much a fight. But I think for for you and for Granger and myself, I know there has been times where we kind of catch a glimpse of like, oh, Okay, I get it, you know, and I need to understand who who God is and not be so focused on you know, these these things that I got to do

or getting advice on. Okay, there's my next step. It's like, just stand in all I promise if you just stand in all of him and be still with that, things will slowly, he will, slowly his presence will start to come Jordan, and I have two words for you to sum all this up. Total surrender. Total surrender. And it's like this, It's like you. And I've said this so many times on the podcast, and I wonder if anyone's ever done it. I don't know, but this is this

is the truth. I want you to go home tonight after work, and I want you to get the kids down, and I want you to go back to your bedroom and I want you to hit your knees, the actual knees, and put your elbows on your bed and your knees on the ground, and go God. I'm just giving this to you because I can't do it. I can't do this anymore. I have messed up two marriages I've got I've got two sons that need a father with direction,

with objective truth. I have followed the one hundred and eighty six rules of the Mormon Church and it didn't work for me. No more rules. I'm giving it all to you. My sacrifice is me. I was made in your image, and so my sacrifice is my image back to you. I'm gonna give it to you. Stop. I'm gonna stop worrying about tomorrow. I'm gonna start dwelling on the past mistakes. I'm gonna be right here at the foot of this bed with you right now. I'm giving this to you. Feed me with your wisdom, show me

through your word, because I'm gonna set my alarm. I'm getting up tomorrow morning. I'm gonna start reading, and I might get lazy, i might get bored. Fight me. Open my mouth so I could praise you the psalm, say open my mouth, I am worthless. Open my mouth, open my eyes, open my ears to your truth. And I'll just keep showing up every morning when the mercies are new. Yeah, and the tendency is going to be to have expectation that, Okay, I'm going to do this, and then he's gonna do this.

But I'm going to just say that's not the point, because honestly, if you start doing these things Granger's talking about total surrender, there could become an immense amount of suffering that comes into your life that's happened to people right there. God is not a pill, it's not He's not a Okay, you do this, a negotiator, you do this,

and then I'll do this for you. Like understanding this surrender is is because of who he is and us really understanding that, and then you're going to get to look back even through whatever suffering comes, even through whatever joy comes, and be like, Jesus is better. He's still so much better than than my triumphs, than my sufferings, then the riches, then my poverty, then all of this. He's better. And it's gonna make you want to get

up the next morning again. Man, I love it. I've got three things that have been rattling around in my brain. This is brand new for me. I haven't talked to you about this, Bernie, but there's three things that equal to our love for God, putting God first, and all three things we come short every time. I'm gonna tell you right after this break. Podcast is brought to you

all today by Coinbase. Are you crypto curious? Well, if you thought about entering the world of crypto currency but felt a little bit overwhelmed, where Coinbase makes it easy to learn to buy and very simple to sell. So cryptocurrency might feel like a big secret or some kind of exclusive club, but coinbase believes that everyone everywhere should be able to get into the door. Whether you've been trading for years or just getting started, Hey, Coinbase can

help much. Coin such Base. If you've been following the cryptocurrency craze, now it's the time to get involved. Coinbase makes it super easy to start your own portfolio and learn to trade like a pro. Coinbase offers a trusted and easy to use platform to buy, sell and spend. They also support the most popular digital currencies on the

market and make them accessible to everyone. They offer portfolio management and protection, learning resources, and a mobile app so you could trade securely and monitor your crypto all in one place like your phone. Millions of people in over one hundred countries trust Coinbase with their digital assets, so whether you're looking to diversify or just get started, there's not a better way than in the cryptome market than

with Coinbase. So for limited time, new users can get ten dollars in free bitcoin when you sign up today at coinbase dot com slash Granger sign up at coinbase dot com slash Granger for ten dollars in free bitcoin. The offer is for a limited time only, so be sure to sign up today. That's coinbase dot com. Slash Granger podcast is also brought to you all by ship Station. You know online shipping isn't slowing down anytime soon, so is your business ready to keep up the pace? Well.

With Shipstation, you'll never worry about shipping again. Make the switch to a solution that handles all of your shipping needs quickly, affordably, and painlessly. Shipstation is already trusted by over one hundred thousand e commerce sellers. Keep track of your orders from any sales channel, easily find the best shipping carrier with deeply discounted rates. Automate just about any shipping task with just a few clicks. We do this over at ee Apparel and it has made all the difference.

We could start focusing more on the creative and more on our product and less on all the details of how we ship it to you. It just makes life easier, so you can manage every order Amazon, eBay, at see your own website from anywhere, even your phone. No more headaches from dealing with returns and return tracking. Ship Station makes all of that super easy. And when you compare other carrier options and choose the best shipping solution, well, ship station could do all that for you every time.

It works with every carrier, so you always find the best fit for you. Your business can access the same dis kind of rates usually reserved for the big fortune five hundred companies. Save your sanity knowing that your orders are handled and they're all getting the best rates. That's really huge. Make shipping the easy part of your online store and you could have bigger ideas to think about.

That's what we do at ee Apparel. It's no wonder that ninety eight percent of companies that use shipstation for a year keep it for as long as they're in business. That's really good. Ship more and less time with shipstation. Use my offer code granger to get a sixty day free trial that's two months free of no How to veussole stress free shipping. Just go to shipstation dot com, click on the microphone at the top of the page and type in granger ship station. Make ship happen. All right, Bernie,

help me stress test this as you say. I've got three things rattling around in my brain here and I'm trying to I'm trying to understand how we put God first and the ways to do that, the ways to understand it. And there's three things, and this relates to our last question with Jordan. These three things we fail at. We come short every time, but we continue to lead in lean into them, and we continue to preach these three things to ourselves. And it's trusting God, fearing God,

waiting for God. So we don't do either of those three things perfectly. Ever, we try to get better and better and better as we get older, as our faith grows. So trusting God, fearing, fearing God, waiting for God. And so this goes to you, Jordan, are you doing these three things? And to what extent is your life reflecting these three things? Because trusting God means you got it. I'm not worried about tomorrow. If we trusted him fully, which we don't, none of us do. If we trusted

him fully, then we would never worry about anything. We would only be present today and we would say, let this cut pass from me, but your will be done, not mine. We would say that every time. So the second is fearing God, because if we truly feared God, we feared the wrath of God. Then we would be way different in every decision we made in our entire life, it would reflect on that would be God would disapprove of me in this right. And then the third is

waiting for God. If we truly waited for God, we'd be so full of patience. We wouldn't have any problems. Because so many times we pray and then we see in the psalms, wait for the Lord, Wait for the Lord, Wait for the Lord. That could be years of waiting. So those three things kind of answer all of our problems that we have. It's like, I'm mad at God. Are you waiting? I can't stop doing this? Are you fearing? I can't stop worrying? Are you trusting? And so here's

my point. Those three things are things that we could work on in our prayer life by preaching it back to ourselves repetitively saying this, saying God in your meek voice at the foot of your bed when you're just distraught and you say God, I trust you, and there's all these alarms that are going off in you going you don't really, you don't really, you don't really, not totally, not fully, and you go, God, I trust you, you preach it back to yourself to eliminate those voices, and

then you go, God, I fear you, a righteous fear. I'm not talking about Halloween scary. I'm talking if you really understood the massive presence of our creator and how small you are. Now, I'm talking about that kind of fear. Yeah. And the wrath of God. Some people are thinking fire and brimstone. No, the wrath of God being what Jesus experienced, which is complete separation, yes from God. That is you know me, God, you know me, and I don't want to ever live in a world where you don't right.

That kind of fear, yeah, the one that can fulfill and restore and redeem and save that God, I don't want to ever live in a world where I don't know you. That kind of fear is what I'm talking about. And then the third is waiting God, I will wait for you. And then all these voices go, well, you can't, I can't wait. I need it now, I need it now. I want to answer now. I want to fix this now. I want to end the suffering now and in the pain now. I want my reward now. And you go, God,

I will wait for you. Because your answer will always come at the time I need it, and I don't know when I need it. I'm too stupid to know when I need it. You see the full picture, and I don't see the full picture. So I will wait on you. So we preach those three things to ourselves every night. Yeah, no, e three morning. No, man, that's so good. I'll end it with something that I've told Griz in the past that has been very helpful for

me is go find yourself some wilderness. Throughout the Bible, it talks about Jesus would as often as he could retreat to pray with his father, to pray to his father. And you see these people throughout Bible, they would always kind of like go into the wilderness. They would treat retreat, retreat.

So maybe the space that you're in everything that Granger has just said, go into the woods by yourself, Go for a walk, go go get lost in nature, leave your phone, make sure everything's good at the house or whatever, but say hey, I'm gonna be disconnected, and then just go and then repeat these things that he has just said over and over and then like wrestle with them. Wrestling with God is like he loves that he loves to answer and hear from you and like show you

and reveal things to you. So yeah, I would just suggest doing that as well. Love it, man, love having you on your Bernie. It's good to be here. Can we take a quick second and acknowledge that you're now a movie star? Good, you're a movie star? Man, Like, have you written the Oscar speech? At any point, they could call and say, we're scrapping the movie. It's no good really until it's out. I mean, like at any time they'd be like, yeah, we changed our mind. It's

no good. You suck, dude. But that's pretty cool, man. Nobody is ever just in case you guys are wondering, nobody's ever asked me to be the lead in the movie. So still, I think they were either desperate or I fooled them in something else. So can you give us, like you know, the people out there, just a little glimpse of like this was cool, this was a really cool. Part of this part really sucked. Yeah, you haven't been on the podcast since then because I was trying them

all by myself during that time. So it's a movie about a country singer that lost his wife two years prior and then he has three kids and he's he's desperately trying to find meaning and redemption and the restoration of joy in his life. He's he's an angry man. He is losing his grip on his children, and he's just trying to find this restoration and he just misses his wife. And I read the script and I was just like, man, I feel so sorry for this guy, Like I really need to do this. Yeah, and it's

just a good story. So having never been on a movie before, movie set before, have you been in any other movies? No, that's it. What was the one thing that you stepped on, you know, to the set and you're like, Okay, this is weird or this is like I didn't expect this. Well. The memorization was really tripping me up because it was the script was one hundred and thirty four scenes or something. I was in probably ninety of those, and I had to memorize them, you know.

So I would get my call sheet the night before and I would have to see, like we're all marked. All the actors had to mark a number. So I was number one, and so every time I see a one, that means I'm in it, I would be like, Okay, seen forty six, Seen eighty three, Seene twenty eight, Seeing one oh five, we're doing all those today. So then I would go and get my highlighter and highlight all

my lines and memorize them. And then sometimes we'd get there and be like, hey, we're scrapping eighty six, We're do that tomorrow. Today we're going to do eighty two, and I'd be like eighty two. So I'd pull out my script and I would start highlighting. And because you have to memorize at a level that's more than just you could recite it. You have to be able to believe it, yeah and embody it. And then you have

to be able to react to the other people. So then I would have to kind of memorize their lines at least somewhat, so I know what they're about to say and when I'm going to start my next dialogue. So that was It made me so nervous. Every day. I would show up and be like, I don't mess this up because it would take them so long to set up a scene, and then you're fighting the clock. So you don't want to be the one that's holding them up because you didn't memorize how many people are

like looking at you right now fifty five? Man, did you ever have you know those? It's always fun to see, like the outtakes of the movie, did y'all have any of those right things? Laughing? And there was a couple of times there was there was a couple of moments where we were just like, it was really funny, and hopefully we'll get those outakes. I feel like if me and you ever did a movie, it would be mostly outtakes and we would we would just be laughing at shus.

What that's right? That's right? Well, no one came to listen to me, so let's listen to Let's hear their questions, right, okay, all right? Subject line I hate being left on. I don't really know what that means, but it says, hey, grander. My name is Isaac. I'm sixteen. I live in Kansas City, Kansas. Recently my life has changed a lot, from no girls to hanging out with girls often. I feel very immature in the sense that my mind always wants to like

a girl. I've never been in a serious relationship, but I feel like I'm always going from one girl to the next, and ended up fling and end up feeling empty. I have a good relationship with God and pray a lot. That's a lowercase G. But I want lowercase G God to make me feel like I don't need any girls in my life. Any advice? Love the podcast How old was he? Sixteen? Sixteen? So does this say his name?

Oh it doesn't, so anonymous man. The first thing I'm gonna say to you, bro, is that your attraction to girls is because you're a boy, and it's natural like that. That's the way you were created. You were created to have attraction to a girl so that one day you could find one to marry and then make babies. Like that's the most elemental animal nature about you. So you're wanting God to take away something that that's like saying, God, take away my sense of hunger because all I want

to do is eat, So take away my hunger. Well that's not I mean, what do you want to do? You go to a country struction site and say take away my hearing? Because this is too loud. No, you don't take away that desire. You're not going that's natural. You can lead to construction site. You need a healthy relationship with food and a healthy relationship with noise and a healthy relationship with your attraction. That's what I was

getting at, Yes, exactly, So how does he do that? Well, you're sixteen, so I think you're right in and not be okay. First of all, you're right in the fact that you went from not hanging out to girls to now. Often that's what happens about between thirteen and sixteen. You're like, one day you don't care, and then one day you wake up and you're like, I care about all of them. So in this environment, in the sixteen seventeen, eighteen fifteen, in this world, my advice to you would be to

hang out with girls often in groups. Try to avoid the single alone times with the girls, but maintain a healthy, healthy environment of there's three girls and four guys and we're going to the movies, or we're going to the lake to go fishing, and there's five girls and six guys and whatever. But there's always this group. And so you're seeing the girls interact with their friends and your

friends and y'all's all the interactions. You're learning, like your brain is a computer and you're just taking in the nature of girls and how they react and the jokes that they laugh at, the jokes they don't laugh at. And you're seeing how they interact with each other, which is going to be different than how they interact with you. And you're just constantly learning, and this is a good

place to be as a sixteen year old. What you don't want to do is single one of them out and then you end up getting away from your friends and you're just alone with her all the time. Now, that's really good, really good advice. The other thing to remember, Grangeer and I both were sixteen yaro boys at one time. And here's what we got to remember. Your brain is not fully developed yet and it won't be for a while. So it's okay, just like you know, hit the brakes

a little bit. Everything's gonna be okay. Just calm it down. You're you're gonna make some good decisions. You're gonna make some bad decisions. Just be sixteen. Everything's gonna be okay. Yeah, You're just your neurons are just firing like crazy because all of a sudden, your mind and everything in you is telling you, I like girl, yeah, girl, good for me, yeah, And you're trying to figure this out and like, oh what I do, but it's like you're, okay, just take

it easy, have some grace for yourself. You say that you have a relationship with God and you're praying those are great things. Push into those things, and hopefully your brain whenever it does actually you know, your frontal lobes connect, then maybe we'll have some hope. Yeah. The only slight little thing to say here is too when you're saying, I want God to make me feel like I don't need girls in my life. Once again, please recognize not a knock on you, brother, but recognize how silly that

thought is. I want God to make me feel like I don't need a girl in my life. Well, God made Adam and Eve. You know, like God, God's gonna give you a woman and it's gonna and that woman's to you, and like this is just natural. Man. So you're just in this in between neurons, fire and time and uh. And maybe what he's trying to say is, God, give me a healthy relationship with my attraction. Give me what was what did he say? Again? Like, God, help me, God make me feel like I don't need girls in

my life. Okay, yeah, so give me security in you. Yeah, maybe that's the better question to the better prayers like I give me a good relationship with the opposite sex and make me secure, and who you've made me alone? Yeah, yeah, yeah, and you're right you don't need girls in your life. So yeah, there you go, a good man. And I think, yeah, the last thing is totally good question, totally natural. Bernie and I have both been there. Nothing wrong with the question,

nothing wrong with you. Everything is firing on all perfect cylinders. Yeah, this one a subject line in need of some guidance. Hey, granger, my name is John. When to ask for guidance from a friend with a friend of mine, We've grown up together and gone to church together for the past fifteen years. She is best friends with my girlfriend. My girlfriend and I have been dating for four months and she has expressed displeasure in the fact that we are dating and

blames issues in our friendship because of it. She's also been making very questionable decisions in college. We're concerned about her well being and her faith. My girlfriend has tried to talk to her about this, and she immediately gets defensive and gets mad that she disagrees and is calling her out. At the moment, I'm angry with her, and I don't want to be destructive, so I avoid the conversation. I want to get your take on this as how

as Christians we should approached the situation. Should we continue trying to pursue this relationship or distance ourselves from her because they're still because they are still within reason. Thanks for taking time to answer, Love the podcast. So John, Okay, there's some problems here, John, and it's a great question. And let me just kind of tap on this a little bit and then let Bernie dig. You've we've grown

up together and gone to church together. Okay, so you've been with this You've known this girl for fifteen years, and you've been dating your girlfriend for four months. Do you think there's a little bit of jealousy going on between her and her friend of fifteen years and her best friend that's a girl are dating now and not spending so much time with hers as you used to. I think that's pretty obvious. This also means that they met when they were like five years old. Yeah, is

that right around that? Yeah, they've pretty much three years ago college. Yeah, so I could understand this girl expressing displeasure in the fact that you're dating and blames issues in our friendships because of it. Is she right to think that? No? But is she justified in thinking it? Yeah? That makes total sense on paper just reading that. Now, here's the deal. She's been making questionable decisions in college, and we're concerned about her well being and her faith.

The only thing you could do that. The worst thing you could do is call her out on specific things she's doing, because who are you to tell her that? Who am I? Who's Bernie? Who are any of us to say, Hey, you're making some questionable decisions and we're worried about your well being and her faith? And she's like, what, I've known you for fifteen years. The better idea is to pour into her, love her, model Christ to her, be there for her, answer her questions. Be a friend.

You say that you're angry with her, we'll work on that. You say, I don't want to be destructive. Well, being angry with her, distancing yourself and judging her decisions is causing disruption. So pour into her and realize, realize that she's what she's seeing. She's seeing you a fifteen year old friend and her other best friend dating, and she's the third will left out see it for what it is without knowing all the details of in the dynamics of everything that you're talking about, I get a sense

that one of the breakdowns here is communication. And hey, guys, this is something that the community group that I'm a part of is really going through and digging into kind of post pandemic thinking of all of the low lying trauma or the relationship hurt or damage or everything that was done, whether it was from outside sources or within

you know, groups of friends. These are real things, guys, and we have to understand that it's probably gonna be a little messy to actually sit and talk with people and communicate the hurt that you have and coming to the table with humility and honesty and grace for the other person and curiosity to really listen to the pain that they have felt their perspective and receive it as like Okay, I hear you and that sucks, and I'm here for you, Like I actually am on your team

in this situation. Does she know that you're on her team? Yes, overwhelmingly on her team, Like I'm We're here because we love you. And this isn't lip service, but this is something that is not just for this email. But I think for all of us to recognize this, there is has happened a lot in this world and is still happening to where we really need to be conscious of our community, who be open to what is going on

around me, Where is the hurt? Where have relationships been fractured, and be willing as believers to push in to that. And Hey, I'm going to suffer a little bit with you for a while because I know on the other side is this is healthy relationship where we have open communication and I now know you better. You know how how to love me, and I know how to love

you better because we went through this together. So I would just really encourage and I say that with the most humble heart and know that I'm going through similar things. Enter into the conversation. We're in this culture where we just want to hear soundbites and dismiss or a line, and it's not that way, guys, It's really not. We have to enter into the conversation with humility and curiosity,

replace your judgment with grace and love. Yeah, that's good because why because that's what's done to you and you're no better and I'm no better. Let's grab one more at Burns. This one says, Hey Granger, my name is Hannah. I'm twenty two years old, huge fan of music. It's got me through some hard times. Thank you, Hannah. I'm gonna see you in concert for the first time in May, and I'm so excited. My father has been an alcoholic for a long time and has blamed myself and others

around him for why he drinks so much. My family and I have tried so many things to try and help him, but it never seems to work. We're Christian, and I've been hoping and praying that God will heal him and help him overcome drinking. Do you have any advice? Thank you, Hannah. I'm sorry, Hannah, I'm so sorry. I love your heart in this I love your heart through this email. Here. The first thing we could say is, don't believe the blame game. It's not your fault that

he's an alcoholic. It's not other's fault that he's an alcoholic. So although he might say it, don't take it to heart. I believe you already know that here's something that's just crazy. And this is so difficult to understand, but some people are just not going to heal. Do we stop praying for him? No? Do we stop trying? No? But we rest We rest on the piece. Ultimately, that's not it can't be fixed by us. It's bigger than that, it's

deeper than that, and some people might never heal. I don't want to dismiss any hope for your father, because we hope that he does. But I don't want you to live an entire life and then watch him waste away in this world and always worry about what more can I do? What more could I say? What better prayer could I say? Because sometimes people can't be healed. I'm sorry your father's an alcoholic, and I think you're doing all the right things. Yeah, I think this really

is just devastating and so hard to hear. I do think that you need to consider boundaries in you know, in relationships where we have toxic elements and unhealthy elements. There is a process of you know, communication and reconciliation and understanding and seeking those things out, just like we just said, but there comes a point where you need to recognize I need to have some boundaries in place that protect my heart above all else, guard your heart.

And it really sucks that it's your dad that you have to do that with. But I do think sometimes you need to consider what how am I exposing my heart to this unhealthy treatment? And this is this goes not just for a father daughter, but this is within a family, within you know, a relationship, a marriage like that. How are we communicating with each other? And how are these boundaries you know, being set and when should they be? I don't think I have the answers. This is a really,

really tough one. So a way to help what Bernie's saying is and this kind of relates to the last question is don't always when you're around him or communicating with him, don't always be on the judgment side, Like Dad, we got to get you to do you got to stop this week? Hey Dad, I talked to a new person. Here's a new facility that's taken in people, and here's the price of it. And Dad, I'm praying sometimes you got to back off and just be like I love you, Dad,

Love you Dad? Do you know that? Dad? Have I told you lately? I love you for who you are, for who you are today right now? I love you Dad? Have you said that in a while? Handing you might have but sometimes that's also healing for your own heart, and it also helps with the boundaries that Bernie's talking about. It helps guard yourself by saying, Dad, I'm not responsible for you. I'm just responsible for the love that I have for you because you're my dad, And don't always

try to fix. We are fixers as people. We want to fix, fix fix, got to think of something, got to read this book, got to listen to this podcast, dad, Dad, you got to go to this church, Dad, you got to talk with this counselor here's a new therapy. It's like, Dad, I just love you and that can change the world. Yeah, No, You're absolutely right. I love hearing my wife talk about the Lord speaking to her. It's like one of my favorite things in the world. And last Sunday, you know,

there was something that she said after the service. She's you know, with you know, another situation that we've not like this, but similar, where she just said, I just felt the Lord impressing on me to move forward in love. So I'm not I'm not hanging in the past. I'm not jumping ahead way to the future. I'm not standing still in this but I'm moving forward and I'm doing it with a focus of love. It's everything. Granger was just saying, just move forward in love and let it

rest in his hands. That's that's really all you can do. All the therapy in the world, all the podcasts in the world, all the treatments, and everything you could do in the world, don't underestimate the power of love and how it can change and the ripple effect that it could have to change drastically people's lives. Don't underestimate the power of loving someone. That's it so good. Love him, dude. I could do this all day. Man, this is so fun. Thank you guys so much for you know, cominging in

and Granger keep asking me back. It really is a privilege. I don't take it lightly. Man, this is really really awesome. Thank you and we love you guys. Thank y'all, ye ye, thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith podcast. I appreciate all of you. Guys. You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that little like button and the notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload

a video. If you have a question for me that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Yi