#127 This will be a difficult conversation

be about anything, any subject. We go super deep. If you want to ask me a question, email Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. I'm going to answer it like we are sitting around a campfire and we have a lot of time, and you know that the fire is getting and going down to embers and it's getting late, and you say, hey, I can ask you a question about something, something I've been wondering. I don't always have the right answer, but we'll talk it, talk through it

like me and you are friends. And that's the format of this podcast. Because of you, because of your questions, because they've been so good, this has become one of the top podcasts in all of the music genre. So thank you for that. If you're watching on YouTube, make sure you give it a like. If you're watching on or if you're listening on iTunes, make sure you give it a positive review. And it just keeps kicking it back up. Welcome. If you came from a TikTok clip,

I appreciate you there too. Also Instagram reels. Let's get to the first question. I have a bunch queued up today. First question, subject line says Orthodoxy verse modern day sounds interesting enough, says Hey Grainger. My name is Taylor. I'm from about an hour north of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I love the podcast and the candid conversations you have as they

come up from the heart. I'm Orthodox and I've grown up in the church since birth, having my baptism, first Holy Communion, consciously going to church every Sunday through college. But as I've gotten older, I find myself struggling with the fine line between my personal relationship with God verse the traditional by the book idea that I've had grown up.

Throughout the last five years or so, I've dug into my faith and begun to seek God to strengthen my personal relationship with Him, But I fear that sometimes it draws my attention away from what I've grown up with in my orthodox faith. I've heard you briefly touch on religion verse faith before, and I would love to know more about any advice you might have on how to navigate this and how to confidently seek Him. I appreciate it greatly. God bless you and your family. Taylor. Thank you, Taylor,

Thanks for the email. It's a great question. And even though you're right, I've touched on something similar before, I think it doesn't hurt to just go back down this

path again. So I want you to know. And so many times when I read your questions anybody's questions, I want you to know that a lot of times you're answering your own question through your question to me, and I could find your answer hidden inside your own question, letting me know that you already kind of know the answer and you're just wanting me to justify it for you. Which is fine, that's fine, That's that's what this podcast

is about to me. But you are feeling a tension between a personal relationship with God, which is what, which is what? Christianity essentially is Christianity unlike any other worldly religion, is a relationship with God. Religion is man made. It's not necessarily a bad kind of man made. It's just

religion is it's a way that it's a way. If if Christianity is a personal relationship with God, then man makes religion as a way to get there quicker or more efficiently based on your personality, So an orthodox religion would be someone that craves a formal way of going

about his or her communication with God. Some there is there's a certain personality trait that needs uh and needs needs to dress up, and needs to be in a really nice atmosphere, a very structured atmosphere at church, a very very a very detailed format of prayer and organization. Some people need that. Others are are way more loose. Others like to wear a T shirt and faded blue jeans to church, and they like to they like to read the Bible and pray on their own time, and

they like to be informal with their prayers. Some people like to be superstructured and super formal. So what I'm saying is there's there's not a bad way based on your personality. Because there's so many personalities in this world.

There's not a bad way to communicate. But as long as you realize that the ultimate goal is personal relationship with God, what it sounds like through your question, Taylor, is that you are feeling a tension between the Orthodox structure and your personal relationship, which tells me that Orthodox structure is probably not your thing. It's probably not clicking with your mind. Hey, it's the same, it's the same. Look at look at music, look at movies. There's so

many different kinds of movies. Why because there's so many different personalities. Like some people like to watch a very serious French award winning something foreign film, and some people like to watch Chris Farley in a really funny, lighthearted comedy. And some people only watch those funny, lighthearted comedies, and some people only watch the award winning winning French movies. That's just because we're all different. Music is the same.

Some people like to listen to Beethoven and some people like to listen to kiss you know. And so we structure our communication with God based on our own personal preference and our own our own personal way of life. So if you are feeling attention, that's not a good thing. You are not required to be Orthodox and to be

structured and to wear wear really nice clothes. And how do I know this because we look at the disciples, I mean were there were fishermen and carpenters and tax collectors, and they were just all over the map, and and they all came together for one personal relationship. Keep that

in mind. Keep that in mind when you think about Peter, think about Paul, Think about any of the disciples and who they were, and what the clothes that they were, and how they worshiped in a field in a wheat field, how they they broke bread in a very casual way, how they they prayed very casually. Read through the Psalms, and through how David is worshiping, and he was very casual, he was he was sounds like more like you, Taylor,

And we could find that through the Psalms. It wasn't until later and the Pharisees were doing it at that at the time, by the way, and Jesus didn't like it. But we find out later through our development of the church how we started structuring it. In Revelation, John says, there there actually is no temple in heaven. There is no there is no temple in heaven because we are the church. We are, we are the people, and I

feel like we're in heaven. We will worship in in fields and by streams and by rivers and lakes and and and on the streets and out in the woods. I just feel like it's it's it's supposed to be very casual, but I also don't want to take away for the people that need to be very structured, because maybe their life needs to be structured. To your question, I would, I would. I would not let that be attention.

I would not worry about that. I would not worry about the way you grew up, the traditional way that you grew up. I would base it more on who you are now as an adult and the way you want to achieve that personal relationship. I hope that answers your question. Email me back if if we want to go deeper into that. Next question is subject line I really like this girl. Hey Gring, your name is James, currently going to college in Arizona. I've been talking to

this girl recently who is from back home. She goes to a school nearby. It's not long distance. I recently asked her if she was wanting a relationship now or if she doesn't want one. She said she doesn't want one, but she may want one in the future. Hey, that's obvious, right. You go on to say, I know she's studying abroad for a few weeks this summer, so I don't know if she likes me or if she just wants to wait till this is all over. Because we only see

each other for four weeks. We will only see each other for four weeks over the next few months. If she if she likes me or not, I don't know should I wait for this girl? Should I move on not knowing if she likes me or if she's just leading me on? Love your podcast. Thank you, James, Thanks for the question. Once again, I feel like you're answering

your own question in your own email to me. If she says if you ask her if she wants a relationship, she says no, she doesn't, that's enough, right, That's enough for her to say to you, I don't really dig you that much because the answer is always obvious. We

just don't always see it when we're in it. But if she doesn't want a relationship right now, what she's saying is I don't want a relationship with you because at whatever stage of life she's in, no matter how busy she is, no matter what she's going on with college or working or abroad or studying, whatever she's doing. If she really likes like, if her heart is attached to you, she will make time in that space for you. And she's not willing to do that, which is great

for you. You're getting a clear answer. That's really good. You're not getting an ambiguous and ambiguous answer here. She's telling you I don't like you, Okay, that's not saying that she won't in the future sometime, and I don't want I don't want you to cling to that. But I'm assuming she's being super sweet to you and she's probably just a nice person. That's why she says I

don't want a relationship. But you're still in this waiting period because she's probably just a nice person and every time you talk to her you think, oh, but she's so nice. But she already gave you an answer, James. So your question is should I move on not knowing if she likes me? Or is she just leading me on? Where are you going? Like? Are you? You? Are you?

Are you asking to move on to another girl? Because if that's the case, then that's your own answer to you could find another girl, like there's another one out there. If you are stuck on her, then I would wait on a new relationship until you heal yourself and you become content alone yourself, which would just take time, and I would invest a lot of time and energy in your friends, your guy friends. You're in Arizona. What an amazing place to live, going to college in Arizona. You're

living a dream life. And apparently you don't totally know that. You are living a dream life in Arizona right now. Hang out with your buddies, go hiking, go fishing, enjoy this college life. You only get one shot at this, and not a lot of people get this kind of opportunity. I didn't to go to college in Arizona. I didn't get that. So enjoy that, Embrace that, and don't worry about this girl. You asked her if she wants a relationship. Good on you for asking, Good on her for telling

you the truth. She does. It's not going to work, at least not right now. Let's move on. Heret this question, says, Hey Grangeer, my name is Mason. I'm sixteen years old from a small town in Oregon. Been a huge fan since I was about ten. I had a quick question. I love Rodeo, It's my life goal and dream, but my parents and family hate it. Do you think I should follow my dreams or try to make my family happy? Thanks? Mason,

good question, Thanks for emailing. This question is different if you're saying you're twenty six or thirty six, but you're sixteen, you're still under your parents' roof, so that there's this element of respecting your parents, honoring your parents and how they they want your life to go. That can't change the fact that if your parents hate Rodeo, it's not going to change the fact that you love it. But by honoring them, it changes the dynamic of how you

treat it. For instance, how are you how are you having a conversation with your mom? Because the thing about parents is, Mason, they love you and they're looking out for your best interest. So they might be thinking about your financial future in Rodeo. They know it's a tough life too. They might be thinking about getting you getting injured and maybe you hurt your back and that's gonna that's gonna hurt future career moves for you. That's what

they're thinking, So, how are you positioning this conversation? Because what if you said, Mom, can I talk with you? And there's no animosity towards her or your dad or your family, But it's more like, Mom, could I talk with you? I love rodeo and it's it's my life dream, it's it's my life passion. I'm I'm so, I'm so

in love with this sport and everything about it. How could I work with you so that you could see that I'm going to stay safe and that I'm I'm gonna enjoy this and that enjoyment is more important to me than money in the future, Like what if you had that kind of conversation and if she says absolutely not, say okay, can you go with me to a rodeo sometime? Maybe we could talk to some of the older guys. Maybe we could talk to some of my peers, some

of the people I look up to. You could have a conversation with some of the other moms, see what they're thinking, Like what if you brought her into this whole decision thing with you instead of saying, Mom, I love it, I want to do it. I don't care what you say. It changes the dynamic, right, So bring her in, but while honoring her, while respecting the fact that she's just looking after you and she wants the best for you. So see it from that perspective. Mom

wants the best for me. Mom knows she's been here on this earth longer than me, So there's an element of that, Like, maybe I should listen a little bit to Mom. Now. I'm not leaning either way on this. I understand having a dream because I had it with music, and I had it at your same age of sixteen. I was all ate up with being on tour and

traveling and playing music, and it's very similar. It's an uncertain future, right, I would say, honor her, honor your parents, and bring them in on this whole decision with you. Let them take this journey with you so they could see your love and you could also see their point of view. Subjecline here says tired of being alone. Hey Granger, my name is Carly. I'm from North Carolina. I'm twenty

years old. I've never had a boyfriend. I've had guys by me, gifts, lead me on, say they love me, and then hurt me multiple times, but never had a guy ask me out. On a date or pursue me. I've always been embarrassed to tell people that mainly make people because they make fun of me for it. But I'm starting to lose hope. I know there that there was no one perfect, and I don't expect there each

guy to be perfect. But they all say they're a Christian, but the way of life they're living is a completely different story. I ask my friends all the time if I'm doing something wrong or if there's something wrong with me that makes no guy want to pursue me, but they say no. I try to keep my standards high, but it's becoming challenging for me because I don't want to be alone anymore. I'm convinced that I'm never going to find a guy that's different, a man that's actually

a Christian, or it's after God's own heart. A part of me wants to settle, but I just know that I can't any advice. Carly, my first thing to you is that you're way too young for this to be a huge concern for you. You're starting to wonder if there's ever a guy for you, and you're twenty. I know that twenty the two decades on this earth is a long time, but it's a short time as far as relationships go, like you have so much time ahead

of you. I would say partly, it feels like you're fish in the wrong pond you're looking for You're looking for steak at Baskin Robbins, and Baskin Robbins is never gonna sell steak. So stop going there to get full right, because you're just gonna get ice cream there and then you're gonna walk out going Why do I keep getting ice cream? I want a steak. I want to fill my soul with food, and I'm getting ice cream. I would say that's because you're shopping at Baskin Robbins. That's

all they sell. So go to a steakhouse. Go to a steakhouse to find the food that you need to fill right. So where would that be? Well, it's not that hard, it's not that hard to think about. I mean, church is one way, right, Go to a church, start start living a life. You say you're a Christian, start living a life pursuing Christ and go full strength into that and then look sideways and see who's going on

the same path with you, and you'll find him. You'll find someone that's going the same direction instead of someone passing you by going the opposite direction. And then you say, hey, do you like me? And they say yes, I love you, and then they keep going and you say, why didn't they stop. It's confusing to me that you say you've never had a boyfriend, but you've had guys tell you that they love you. That's strange to me that anyone would say they love you and you've been hurt by this,

but they've never asked you on a date. I think you're giving your heart away a little too soon someone that's never asked you on a date, and you're jumping the gun a little bit, allowing yourself to get hurt too early from someone that's not a respectable suitor for you. I would say you deserve better than that. So all that being said, you're twenty. You have so much more life ahead of you. Don't go shopping at Basking Robin's

for a stake. Work on being single and content. Preach that to yourself, Preach that to your mind, preach that to your own heart, and say I'm single and I am content. And you might not totally believe it. Deep down, you might not totally believe it, but keep preaching it back at yourself. Wake up in the morning and tell yourself, I'm single. The sun's up today, it's a new day, and I'm content alone. I am content alone. You were born alone and you will die alone. All of you listening,

You were born alone and you will die alone. You have to learn to be content alone before you could add someone else to that mix. And when you do, you'll know it and you'll be so attractive to other people for being content and alone. What is it about that girl? She's so confident, she's so driven. What is it about here? I'll tell you what it is. She's content alone, she's content without you. And then they go, man, I want a part of that. I want a part

of that girl. If you're desperate, if you're asking the question out loud, why am I not happy? It shows on your face. People will see that. So pre set to yourself, stop shopping at Baskin Robins, and remember you got a lot of life left ahead of you. Okay, thank you, Carly, thanks for the question. Let's grab one more and take a break. Subdecline Here it says death.

Hey granger, my name is Toner. I recently lost my dad, and ever since, I feel like I should be relieved that he's no longer in pain, But another part of me feels like a complete pos for thinking that I should be sad. Does this feeling ever go away? I also feel like I shouldn't talk to anyone or go out anymore, and I should just stick to myself. Toner Grad email, Man, I've been there. I know your pain, or at least similar pain. None of us could relate

exactly to each other, but we could. We could be in the same ballpark and I lost my dad and I felt these kind of feelings, and I think I think the first answer that I would give you is that when you ask, I feel like I should be relieved that he's no longer in pain. But another part makes me feel like a pus, thinking then I should be sad. I think you could have both, That's what

I would say. I would say, Yes, you could be relieved that your dad's not in pain, and you could also feel sad that he's gone, and you could feel like you want a little more of him and another piece of him back here, and you feel guilty because you're thinking, if I if I'm wanting him back, then I'm wanting him to be in pain again for my own selfish reasons. And I would say reject that thought. It's not a correct thought because the love that you have for your dad is now reflecting in the grief

that you have for him. So the amount, the amount of love that you have for any person that you lose equals the amount of grief. So if you loved him a lot, you're gonna grieve him a lot. If you didn't love him very much, you're gonna get over him quick. So the sign that you're still sad and you're still grieving tells me you got a great dad. You had a dad that loved you and you loved him a lot. And not a lot of people can

say that. Not everyone listening to this podcast could say I love my biological father so much and he loves me so much. Not everyone can say that, and you can. So so that there's this idea that there's a you're You're you're part of a small group that is that is so blessed to have had a loving father. Let yourself grieve, let yourself be sad. Stop telling yourself that you're a pos. The feeling you're asking that you you shouldn't talk to anyone, or you shouldn't go out anymore.

You shouldn't go out anymore is also normal, and I would I would go against that is as hard as it is to do. I would say, try to talk to people about it. Try to go out because we need community. Don't sit at home with the blinds closed, thinking about Dad, thinking about the pain he was in before he died. Go out, force yourself, put on your shoes, put on your pants and your shirt. Call your friend and say what are you doing tonight? Nothing? Man, We're

just hanging out on the couch watching a movie. Say can I come? And then go there? Show up. Just keep showing up every day. Go back out, sit with your friends, even if it's just a total distraction. Work is a great way to do that too. Dive into your work, get busy, get to exercise and get to doing some kind of strength training, or go out and take walks if that's all you could do. Go for a jog. I'm not a jogger, but go for a jog if that's what you do. But you got to

get out, You got to show up. It sounds like you didn't say when, but it sounds like you're pretty early on in this process. Maybe you're within the first year of losing them. If you're in the first year of losing them, Toner, you're right on the path you need to be, and everything you're feeling is correct. If tomorrow you wake up in a good mood and you're smiling and laughing and that's the way you feel, don't feel guilty that you're smiling and laughing, because that's normal.

Because tomorrow night you might be sad again. You might start taking a shower and start crying in the shower again, right, and then you're thinking, what is wrong with me? I'm going insane? I was happy an hour ago and now I'm crying. Normal, that's normal. Let it happen. Whatever emotions are bubbling up inside you, let them come out. Talk about it. If anyone says how are you since you lost your dad, look them straight in the eye and say, man,

not too good. Not too good? Open up the conversation. Oh man, you want to talk about it? And you go to be honest with you, No, I don't want to talk about it. But since you're a friend, I would say, can you force me to talk about it? And he'll say yeah, yeah. Any good friend would say yeah, and you say it's tough man, and just open up, be vulnerable. There's no better way. Clamming up, shutting the blind,

staying home by yourself, telling yourself you're a pos. Your dad's not in pain anymore, so don't even think about it. That's rough man, that's rough on yourself. Your final question, does this feeling ever go away? Yeah, it eases up. It's not gonna disappear. You're gonna think about your dad, probably every day of your life. But those thoughts go from sad thoughts to man, dad would love this restaurant, or Dad would love this movie, and then you smile,

or man, dad loved this hobby. Dad loved fishing. I love to fish because my dad loved to fish. And I'm living on through He's living on through me. Right, That's what's gonna change. The sadness, the crying and the shower, the closing the blinds and not wanting to go out. Yeah, it goes away. You're gonna get better. You don't move on, but you move forward, take a break and be right back. Podcast has brought to you guys by coinbase. Do you

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Let ship station do all the shipping. Ship more and less time with shipstation. Use my offer code Granger to get a sixty day free trial that's two months free of no hassle, stress free shipping. Just go to shipstation dot com, click on the microphone at the top of the page and type in Granger ship station make ship Happen. If you have a question for me for this podcast, email Granger Smith Podcast at gmail dot com. Could be about any subject. Don't hold back, give me anything. My

only request is two things. One, you keep your questions within about a phone length right so that doesn't get too long. And the other request is don't send the same email multiple times. I'm going to see it. Trust me, it goes into the archive. Trust me. It doesn't help you if you send multiple times because the producers will just delete it. Next question, septic Line is warrior or Christian? Says, Hey, Granger,

loved the podcast and everything you put out. I wanted to get your input on an issue I've been dealing with for a while now. You see, I'm a husband, I'm a father of two perfect babies, and I'm a state trooper. I've been on the force for two years now, and let's just say I'm daylight and dark from what I used to be prior to becoming a trooper. I find it very difficult to be a warrior while on duty and coming home to my family whenever I'm off duty.

It's hard to flip that switch from being rough and tough dude on one side of the highway while dealing with a lot of evil in this world to coming home and loving on my wife and my kids and being present with them. It used to be very easy for me. I used to be an easy going guy, and now it's like truth be told. I'm sort of soulless, or at least it's just let's just say I feel. That's how I feel all the time. I lack sympathy and empathy, and it's caused a huge strain in my marriage.

I've been a Christian near my entire life, but really the past year I have become very distant from God. I know you probably receive a million of these emails, but I hope you'll answer this one. I appreciate it, brother, Thank you for all you do well. Thank you so much. Man. You didn't say, you didn't say anonymous, and your email says Dylan, so I'll call you Dylan. Thanks for the email, brother,

and thank you for your service. None of us could ever discount what you do on these streets and keeping keeping everyone safe is is incredible, and it's it's an honor for you to ask me this question. I don't want to dismiss it because I think I think everything you're saying is as accurate, and I feel you that that One of the first things I would do is

to seek wise counsel within law enforcement. I think that there's a lot of people on the force, in your department and other departments that have men and women that are older than you, that have grandkids, that could help walk through some of your questions better than I can, because I can't relate exactly to what you're saying, So I would seek wise counsel and I would seek it often. I would say, Hey, so and so, could I have coffee with you on Wednesday at eight am? There's some

stuff I want to get off my chest. And he says, yeah, absolutely, And you come in and you meet him at eight o'clock on Wednesday for coffee, and you dump all this on him and make sure he's older and wiser and has done this for a long time and he's a family man just like you. And I would pour this on him and just see what he says. And then I would make a routine to do it every Wednesday

or every Monday or whenever. I would make a routine to constantly seek wise counsel and go to your chief say the same thing, Say Chief, I love my job. I always have. You know me, You know I work hard, you know I love what I do. But is there anyone I could talk to about flipping that switch back to my family? It's the departments are supposed to be set up this way where they can provide counsel for you. But I would also seek it out yourself and just say, hey,

mister so and so, I respect you so much. You've been doing this for so long. Could I pick your brain on how you've done it so successfully with maintaining family life and work and having that balance. Can I talk to you? Surely someone's gonna say, Dylan, Absolutely, absolutely. And then if you're still in the force, you pay this back to another young guy, another guy with young kids at home, and this is the trend that we do. This is that's how we reciprocate in life, and you

seek him out. When you're older, you seek them out. Maybe you could do this now. Maybe there's rookies in there right now that you could seek out and you can go, hey, man, how are you doing. Oh, I'm doing great. No, I mean how you doing at home? Like, how are you balancing working home? And they say, I'm still learning. You go, let's go grab some coffee. Want talk about it. Because the crazy thing is when you do that, when you're trying to pay it forward like that,

you're gonna learn a lot about yourself. And you're gonna hear this young guy asking you questions and inside you're gonna go, I resonate with that. I feel that I get that, and then you'll be able to answer him. And so funny because in life when we answer other people with things that they're dealing with, like me on this podcast, when we answer, we're gonna be a lot whise and our answers to someone else, and a lot more honest than we are with our own self our

own questions. It's harder for us to be honest with ourselves and to give ourselves the hard, cold truth, the good, solid advice to ourselves. It's harder to do that than it is to give it to someone else. Isn't that weird? Because we know the advice is solid, but when we tell it to ourselves, it's harder to do it. It's harder to hear it. One thing that occurred to me when I was reading your email is that there is

the thing. There is a thing, Dylan, there is an element of this that maybe you don't need to do this anymore. If it's causing friction in your marriage, if it's causing you to not be present with your children, and it's causing you to be distant with God, and you know that the direct cause of this is the job, and it's not something that you could deal with with

yourself internally. If it's not that, if it is just the job and things that you're seeing that's hardening your heart and making you too rough and tough that you can't flip the switch. You need to really ask yourself if it's time for a career change or not. That's the hard question that you are going to wrestle with now. Is is this the right move for me as a dad? It used to be this was my dream. I'm serving my state as a trooper. I'm serving our people, our community,

and I've always wanted this. But back then when I had that dream, I also wasn't a father and I wasn't a husband. And now it's hurting my relationship with God. I feel distant, I feel cold. It's maybe it's time for a career change. And maybe that's what one of these wise counsels will tell you at coffee. Maybe they'll say, Dylan, you're speaking like a man that needs a new job, a new passion. It might be tough to hear that. It might be tough to tell yourself that, But that's

kind of what your email is leaning to. And I know this, this is a very important question to you. I know it is. I can tell by your rhetoric, and I know that you want so badly to hear from me on this, and I would say, you're going to wrestle with this question of maybe a career change. But regardless, wise counsel immediately from people that are in the force. And then, first and foremost, before all that, you take it to God before anything I said. You

say this email right here. You say this to God. And it goes back to our very first question about being orthodox. Hey, God could take it like this. God could take it just like this. Hey, God, you have given me the gift of being a husband and a father of two perfect babies. And you've given me You've given the passion in my heart to become a state trooper. You gave me that a long ago. I've been on

the force two years off. Somebody say I'm changed. I find it very difficult, God, to be a warrior while on duty and coming home to my family. I find it hard to flip that switch on being a rough and tough dude on the highway and then dealing with my wife and kids when I come home. God, what do I do? Give me the desires of my heart. Lead me in the right direction. I'm about to call some people for wise counsel. Lead me to these men.

Lead me to the people that are going to give me the wise counsel at coffee, and then give me the courage to hear them, because I know God that you could speak through them, and that's what you do, You speak through people. So give me the courage to hear what they're gonna say, and then give me even more courage to do it when I believe that they're telling the truth to me. I hope that answers your question. Buddy. Thank you for it, and thank you for your service.

Let's flip here. Subject line says dealing with a mama's boy. Hey Grangeo'd like to stay anonymous. I'm from Troy, North Carolina. I'm nineteen. My boyfriend is twenty. We've been together for three years. I started to feel like this might not be the right relationship for me. I feel like my boyfriend is too much of a mama's boy. Don't get me wrong, there's absolutely nothing wrong with the son having a good relationship with his mother, but he depends on

her for everything. I've noticed recently. He values my opinion less and does not include me on big decisions. He will do almost anything she says, no matter what the situation, even when it includes me. He used to tell me everything, but here lately he doesn't tell me anything. I find myself happier and more or at peace when we are not together. Over the past four months, I've been thinking about ending things with him, but I'm not sure if I should. What advice do you have? Do you think

I'm being selfish? He is supposed to be moving out of his parents. How soon should I stay to see if anything changes? Or walk away? Now? Much love to you and your family. Thank you Anonymous, and shout out to North Carolina. I believe that's the second one for North Carolina. Hey, it's a legit it's a very legit question, and you're nineteen. A lot of life ahead of you. I'm gonna guess and say, a lot of relationships ahead

of you too. I think a couple of things. I think First, he's twenty years old and he's still living with his parents. Of course, he's a mama's boy like that shouldn't be a surprise to you. He's only twenty Last year he was a teenager, and he's still living with his parents. Of Course, he's going to include his mom in decisions in his life. You're asking if you should wait and see what happens when he moves out. Maybe it's time to take a break from this relationship.

You are not happy, you're not at peace with him. Why are you staying if you're not happy and not at peace? Why are you trying to fix this guy? And I don't even think there's anything necessarily wrong with him, But what are you doing? Why are you emailing me telling me you're not at peace, you're not happy, you're

thinking about ending it. It sounds like you're wanting this project of a boy that hopefully things are going to work out and he's going to move out from mom's house and you're going to work on him to be a man. He needs to do that on his own. You can't help him be a man. You can't help him become more independent. You can't help him get away from Mama and start listening to you instead of her. That's the wrong intentions anyway. You're not going to get

anywhere with that. It's not going to fix You're not going to get this done like you want to. And it doesn't matter if he moves out, because what then are you going to become the mom when he moves out from his mom? Are you going to become the new mom. You're asking questions to me like you're married. You're expecting as a girlfriend to be involved in every decision he makes, including the big ones, including the ones with you. When that's too high of an expectation for

a twenty year old who's not married. He doesn't need to include you in everything he doesn't, including things that have to do with you. He doesn't have to involve you, and it is understandable that he involves his mom. Like I said, he lives with her. So I'm not calling

you out and I'm not calling him out. I think this is a normal situation between a twenty year old and a nineteen year old, and I think it's time for you to have an honest conversation with him and tell him how you feel without being hateful or judgmental, and don't call him out on being a mama's boy. Just say, hey, I feel like I feel like you are on the verge of being an independent man and on your own and I don't want to hinder that from you. To be honest, I haven't been totally happy

and I haven't been in peace with this relationship. So I would propose that we take a break for a little bit. Let you have time to move out, Let you have time to start your life, to pay your own rent, and then we stay in touch. We stay in contact and we see how this goes. But Anonymous, it's important for you to know that you are not his mother, and you will not replace his mother, and don't even plan to. He's got a lot of life ahead of him. Let a twenty year old be a

twenty year old. Don't expect a twenty year old to act like a thirty year old man. That's what it sounds like. It's like you're watching a movie of about a relationship of a thirty year old man and you're going, why doesn't my guy act like that? Because the other guy's got ten years on him. And if you're looking at other twenty year olds, hey, they're all progressing at different rates. They're all growing and maturing at different rates,

so you can't compare another twenty year old. He might be light years ahead of your boyfriend, but that's just where he is in life right now. If it's gonna it'll all even out in another ten years. I hope that makes sense. I think it's time for a break all right, Let's grab another one here. Subject line here says struggling with faith. Hey grangeer, I'll try to make this quick. My name is Travis. I'm from southern Ohio. I'm twenty five years old, married and have a beautiful

baby girl. The backstory to what I'm struggling with is I grew up in a Christian home. I've been a believer in my entire life. I attend church regularly, even became known as the preacher man at work with my other guy friends that come to advice from me when they struggle. But lately I've been falling away from God, struggle with belief, having doubts, feeling lukewarm in my faith. How do I get back on track? What would be Why would I be losing beliefs that I was so

extremely steadfast of all of a sudden. Travis, thank you, brother shout out to Ohio. Thanks for the question. I think it's a good one. When we're feeling lukewarm in our faith, this is where the psalms come in so handy in the Bible. The first thing we recognize when we become lukewarm in our faith and we need to get back on track is we need to recognize that we as humans aren't capable of fully going to God

ever anyway, what yeah, So what do we do? We reflect what the psalms say and we say God, open my mouth and I'll praise you. Open my eyes so that I could see your truth. Open my ears so I can hear you. And then just say God, because I'm not able. I'm not capable of opening my mouth or opening my eyes or opening my ears, but you are. So I'm bringing this to you. I feel lukewarm. So fill me with your truth. Open my eyes, open my mouth,

and I'll praise you. Don't let me slip, don't let me drift, pull me back in, Draw me into you, God, draw me to you, and I'll follow. But I'm just a man. Have mercy on me, have mercy on me, a sinner. That's what the tax collector said. Draw me back to you. That's your prayer. And then the way that we listen to him, the way he speaks is

through the Bible. And I've said this before. We have this feeling sometimes, like this pagan feeling, like God's gonna speak through the wind, or he's going to speak through writing letters in the clouds. Or he's going to speak through road signs, and I'm gonna see certain words appear to me because God's speaking through that way. No, he doesn't do that. He could do anything, but the way that he speaks the majority of the time is through

his living, breathing word, the Bible. So we say the prayer, like I said, God, I feel like I'm slipping. I feel like I'm drifting. I feel like I'm lukewarm. Open my eyes, open my ears, open my mouth. And then what do we do? We open our Bible. I would start a reading plan. I'm on a plan called mac Shane reading Plan. Or you could start anywhere, starting John. It's a great place to start, so is Matthew. So

is Genesis. Just just open it and go to John one on one one and and right before you hit that first verse with your eyes, and after you've prayed that prayer of help me, say, God, here's your word. I believe that you could speak to me through this word. And so even even though I might not feel it right away, even though i might still feel lukewarm after a month of doing this, I'm going to go for this.

I'm taking this step to you by reading your word open my heart, soften me enlarge my heart so that I could receive this, so that so that I could get back on track the way I want to be. Because I desire to be back on track, I just don't feel it. So I'm to open this word. And you do this in the morning before you start your day, when the mercies are new, and you get a cup of coffee or an energy drink whatever you do, or water, okay, water, and you open that John one and you go here

we go and take it slow, aim low. Don't sit there and think you're going to read a whole chapter. Just read a page, read a paragraph, Read a line, Read one line. If you want to aim that low, like I'm going to read one line every day. Everyone can do that, so aim low. If you don't have the emotional space to sit there and read everything, read one line, read one paragraph. Start slow, and then after you read the paragraph, pray again. All right, God, I

just read your word. Make it matter to me. Make it life saving like it says that it is, and I believe that it is. Make it matter to me. I need it to matter to me. And then try to say that. Prayers any times you can during the day. When you're driving, you get the windows down and you think about it. It's like, oh yeah, oh yeah, God, here I am again. I don't want to be luke warm. Bring me back in. Don't let me slip. Don't let me do this because I'm a man and I will

I will start drifting. Don't let me pull me back in. Repeat this. Preach this to yourself. All right, Travis, thanks for the question. Brother, Let's grab another question. Subject line says, why does this happen to me? Hey Granger A huge fan of the podcast and your music. I'd like to remain anonymous. I'm twenty one years old. I'm in college. I've been trying out the dating scene, but there's one reoccurring issue. I'm not someone who will jump into things

or do hookups. I get told by guys they love me and they respect me, not wanting to be intimate with them, but when we spend time together or go on a date, they try to initiate it. I stand by my statement and beliefs. This leads them to cut things off and leave. This has happened too many times to count. My biggest goal in life is to be a wife and to get a college degree, but my heart aches. Each time I'm let down, I'm left feeling alone. I often ask myself what is wrong with me? Any

advice you could offer is appreciated. Well, you need to stop asking the question if anything's wrong with you, because you already know there's not, because you're just going by your beliefs that you don't need to be someone who's hooking up or being intimate. Right, So that's not something wrong with you. That's your belief like, that's your value, that's your moral standard. So you're standing on a moral standard that has nothing to do with right or wrong

with you. That's the moral standard that's right. It's not inherently you anything. It's your moral standard is outside of you. It's bigger than you. It's not a flaw in you. It's like standing on solid ground. You're standing on solid ground, going, why am I not sinking? I'm standing on concrete? Why what is wrong with me that I'm not sinking? Right, that's what you're you're asking. It's not you that's the problem. It's the concrete that's holding you up. You're not gonna sink.

It's solid ground. That's the moral high ground that you're standing on right, So don't question yourself that you're not sinking. It's concrete. You're good. That's a good thing. You're supposed to stand on the concrete. So keep standing there and go, thank god, I'm standing on concrete. Thank God I don't sink. Thank God that I have this to lean on. That's

a good thing. So don't don't ever question that. The second thing is you have a reoccurring issue with someone that are that wants constantly to do hookups or get into with you, even though they don't admit it. First I would say again, you're fishing in the wrong pond. Work on identifying these guys early on, and you can be fooled by them. Understandably, people could trick you all the time, but learn what those those key signs are at the beginning of the fool. Right, So you start

finding these red flags like where do you work? What? Who are your friends? Look at the friends? Oh, man, you can find out a lot from people's friends. You say, you meet someone at a restaurant, who's he with? Like? Who are those guys? Like? He could put on a front, he could trick you. He could put on a mask and tell you someone that he's not, but his friends can't. So watch the friends. Watch who he's hanging with, how's he where's he going to school? Where's he working? Do

you know anything about a relationship? Does he go to church? What church does he go to? Does he go every Sunday? Or does he go just on Eastern Christmas? Things that you could see early, simple questions you could ask while still being nice and not being judgmental. You're not perfect. You have a lot of flaws, so does he. So you don't have to act like you got everything figured out. But you could ask a couple questions and let him ask you questions back. Maybe he's trying to figure you

out too. Look around, you'll see signs. You'll see who these guys are. Don't go to Baskin Robbins if you're trying to get a steak. If you're hungry for steak and potatoes, don't go to Baskin Robbins. They just have ice cream. Can't you see that on the sign? Didn't you know before you open that door, before you walked into the ice cream shop that they sell only ice cream? Or did you think they had steak there? They don't. When you're hungry for steak. Go to a steakhou, look

for their friends, look for the signs. It's gonna say it right there on the front, right before you open the door. I hope that helps you. I think you got all the right intentions. Thank y'all for listening. See you next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the Granger Smith Podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel. Hit that little like button and the notification spell so that you never

miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a question for me that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com yig