#126 Your heart is killing you

a lot of you guys. I know a lot of y'all came from TikTok to this platform to hear the podcast, and we started posting these TikTok clips from this podcast

a couple of years ago. And I believe it started because of a show that you were on with me and you were just throwing out these bombs about being content or single or something actually when you were single, and we posted it and it started going viral on TikTok and we're like, well, we should do more of these, and now we do them, you know, three times a week, especially with relationships stuff, because people are so hungry to figure out either who their person is, or how to

get over a past relationship. Everything in that genre goes viral, it seems like because everyone is so thirsty for it. I'll be honest, So this podcast I answer your questions. You could email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. They pour into my inbox. Ask me any subject. Can I say this every time? Ask me anything, but I'll be honest. We're leaning now on this podcast. Probably seventy five percent of the emails that are coming in or

about relationship problems. Usually it's never it's never like a you know, a good scenario. It's always some kind of problem. Heartbreak is usually at the center of it. So I then now it makes me think a lot about it, and I appreciate it. Thanks for your questions, and we'll dive into them here in a second. But it's interesting that I was telling the guys at ee appearrel yesterday, it's almost like heartbreak is like a pandemic in the world. Really,

I don't know if pandemic is the right word. Epidemic. It's an epidemic in the world heartbreak and people are walking around sick and they're looking for a cure, which is why, you know, so many of them come to this podcast because they're just trying everything. It's like, well, I've done this and this and this, I might as well also email the podcast and we'll get into it. But thanks for being here. Maybe we should record an entire episode about that. But maybe every episode already is

kind of about that. But maybe you could record an episode about that with the biggest scenarios that anytime anybody asks, you could just send them that link to that podcast. Yeah, but it's still fun having fresh ones, and everybody thinks that it has to be specifically answered about their specific scenario. I got a question a couple of weeks ago, and it basically said I'm dealing with heartbreak. My girl left me. And it said, I know that you talk about this

every week, but this one's different. And I thought that was interesting, And it's not discounting that guy and his question at all, but it's just it highlights the fact that everyone feels like theirs is different, Like I know you've answered people's questions about heartbreak, but my story is different, like she really was the one and now she's gone and I'm really hurting here. I know those other people

said the same thing, but I'm really hurting. And that goes to show you too that when you listen to questions about it from the outside looking in, it's never that bad until it hits you, and then you go, I'm actually dying. What can I do? And so anyway, welcome to the podcast. Let's dive into the questions. First one. First one in the docket here says pick me, pick me help, I'm alone. That's the subject line, says, Hi Grandeur.

My name is Joe. I'm twenty three years old, recently had a break up and this isn't the first time I've gone through this. Here it is. I'm obviously very heartbroken right now, there's the word already. But I'm realizing my tendency to cling to people because I'm not okay being alone. My ex says, I ruin relationships because I'm overbearing and dependent for them for my happiness. I'd literally have a denial or excuse me. I'd literally have a dental school interview next week. And I have a lot

going on for my life. I consider myself attractive and all I want to do is love someone and be loved. But somehow I'm still depressed and hate being alone. I feel like I'm the only person on the planet even when others are in the room. I don't know what to do. Any encouragement would help. Thanks. So Joe, he's twenty three, and it's funny, this is exactly what we just said. So we have these are the key things here, heartbroken we have I'm the only person on the planet,

like I'm the only one dealing with this. Yeah, you mentioned that your brain something subconsciously. We were just talking before we got on this, and he was like, grangeers, Like, it's almost like when you're going through a breakup, your brain is like that was your only chance to reproduce and find a mate, and now you're done. And so it's like the animal part of our brain. I may mess this up, but it's like the older part of your brain is the amygdala, and that's the part that's

the fight or flight. That's the part of your brain that gets very emotional, that gets that suffers the most in those first few days of grief. That is basically the same emotion after a breakup is grief that you were talking about after a loss, because you're grieving the loss of this person and it's hard to just view it from a bird's eye view for that that neo cortex, the newer part of your brain to be able to be like, look, you're gonna be okay, you're not viewing

this clearly right now from your current state. Yeah, it's interesting. It's like, if you just want to simplify everything in this, in this email and heartbreak in general, you your your body, the animalistic side of your brain says, find mate, make offspring, and in doing that, you're on you're you're literally on a hunt. So it's a scarcity mindset. Yeah, it's a scarcity mindset, and you're on the hunt for the qualifications

that your brain says, good to go. So you scan the world and you scan everyone around you, and your brain goes got it, boom, and it says like match, found mate, and and then you go latch on. And then you try everything you can to get the mate so that you could the animalistic side of you can

make offspring. It's really all it comes down to. And then when you mess up or she leaves or whatever whatever scenario, she's gone sounds like a nineties country song, She's gone, She's gone, and your brain then revolts against that and makes you sick, which is why we call it heart broken. It feels you feel broken, and your brain is telling you two things. Either, go get her at all costs, because if you don't, you're gonna die. You're not going to eat or sleep, and you're not

gonna breathe and your heart's not gonna beat anymore. So go getter or you die. Or two, you better you better find an equivalent mate fast. You better find someone equal to this fast. And nothing in those two animalistic demands that your brain is giving you does it. Do you have space to say, wait, wait a minute, there's three and a half billion girls on this planet. I'm not gonna die. I'm gonna nourish myself with food. Eventually I'll sleep, I'll settle down, and I'll find someone else.

But you really have to suppress that animalistic mentality. And that's what we see with Joe, except for Joe has a deeper you. Joe goes one step further than a girl, then he's saying, this is many girls. This happens to him repeatedly, and his ex told him he ruins relationships because he's overbearing and dependent on them for happiness, which Joe, you know you know whether or not that's true or not. You know that's an issue when you wrote the sentence.

You knew this was a huge problem for you when you wrote me the sentence saying I literally am too overbearing and dependent on them for happiness. Okay, where do we go from here? Let's stop right there. The question is that could answer a lot of these questions. Where do you find happiness exactly? Can it just come from yourself or do you have to find somebody else to

fulfill it. That's an open ended question, and we're leaving We're leaving space for someone that's listening out there to answer that for themselves, because because that is the question, Joe, that you have to wrestle with. Do I need someone

else to make me happy? Do you? Well? Buddy? The answers no. The answer is obviously resounding no. A relationship is supposed to add to you and add to your life and add to the joy and happiness that you already have, but not complete a half of joy that you have or a half of happiness that you have. I've said it before in this podcast, Joe, you're not walking around right now as an incomplete human like if you give an X ray of your body, you know, a cat scan of everything going on in your body.

The doctor would not find anything half completed inside of you, including your heart, including your brain, and every other piece of you is whole already. And so we have to come to grips with that as humans that we don't need another human to complete our happiness, which ties into the idea of soulmate, which I know you've talked about before, which comes from Greek mythology. I don't know if you've

talked about that where Zeus cuts people in half. It was an old Greek mythology idea where every person when they were created was cut in half, and they were created as half, as half a person, and their mission was to go find their other half what to complete themselves. So this is something that's been brought into our minds that it's the biggest lie of the world that you are not complete on your own, you have to go

find someone else to complete you. And then specifically with that scenario, it's the idea of there's only one person that you can find that would come work. What that says to me too, is that back way back then, thousands of years ago, this was still a problem It was a problem then and it's still a problem now. Like as a species, we haven't learned any better, we

haven't figured out a way around this at all. For thousands of years, they were still dealing with it, just some fourteen year old Roman boy and his sandals, crying because you girls stood him up. And I need to say to you because I feel like, I feel like I'm talking about happiness here and I need to say of can a spouse that you love create more happiness in your life? Yes? Absolutely that we're not saying that a family. We need community, we need people around us.

We're encouraged to be married, and we're encouraged to be married to our best friend, and that will bring you more happiness. But that's not what you're saying, Joe. You're saying you're depending on all of your happiness with someone else. And so that's that's what we wrestle with here. And that's the question. And this is something you have to you have to dig deep. You're depressed and you hate being alone. You have to find this out on yourself.

You have to figure this out because because and I would put I would put a hold on any relationship right now, I would stop anything from coming your way until this is something that you've wrestled with enough now, Parker, and I would say that you could find your answers in the Bible. You could find all answers in the Bible. Really, it's it's our roadmap as Christians. Now, I don't know if you believe that or not. So I'm gonna lead you there like one beggar telling another beggar where he

found bread. I no better than you, Joe, but I'm gonna tell you where I found these answers, and then you could take it for what you want. But it has saved me, and I know it's saved Parker and millions of others to be able to look at the Bible. And I heard Rich Wilkerson on Instagram the other day, who's an Instagram buddy of mine, But he said that Jesus, Jesus came and saved the world while being single. He saved the whole world what he was single? So what

could you do? Single? Like? What are you doing? Single? Most complete human to ever live? Yes, was single? He was single. So Joe, the I know the end result for you. The end result is you're going to find out I'm twenty three, and I know that that probably seems old to you, but you've got a ways to go. Let's talk when you're twenty seven, twenty eight and you've had four years of being single by yourself, and you go, you know what, you know what? I figured out. I

figured out I had some hobbies. I figured out I got some good buddies. I figured out I'm got I'm doing good at this indental school. Now. I figured out that I'm finding happiness through other things in my life and has nothing to do with the relationship. And what's crazy is when you figure that out, how attractive that's going to be to a really good mate, a really

good relationship in the future. It's that I don't I don't think there's anything more attractive to a man or woman than someone that is intent and happy on their own. And there is nothing more appalling and and and turn off than someone that is needing someone else to feed them happiness. That is, that is a terrible thing to put off. So even though you say you're a good looking guy, I'm telling you right now, you're not a good looking guy. When you're putting off this feeling of

dependence and people could see it. It's like a horse. A horse could could fill a fly, you know, on its back. Well, they could sense that, just like a girl can sense in you. Within two dates, Oh man, this guy's dependent. He needs he needs something, and I'm out and figuring this out. Joe is going to help you tremendously. All right, cool, let's move on. I think we I think we got that one. Next one says hey man, I'm a big fan. My name is Dylan,

originally from Waller, Texas, living in Aggie Land. Now, whoop, just looking for an answer to something. After prayer and meditation and all that, what does it take to do right by you? I find myself doing everything I can to make everyone happy except myself. But I feel like if I do anything for myself to improve my own mental health, even I'm gonna lose my family. I've prayed and spent a lot of time thinking about it, but

I don't feel like I've seen an answer yet. I'm not sure what else I could do, because, to tell you the truth, Bubba, I'm at the end of my rope anyway. Thanks for what you do. Your music and your outreach to folks are inspiring. Thank you In advance for any advice. God bless you, Dylan. So Dylan is saying he's looking for happiness. He's saying, I find myself doing everything I can to make everyone else happy except myself.

But I feel like if I do anything for myself to improve my mental health, I'm gonna lose my family. I hear this a lot. It's the person who says, what happens if you help so many people along the way that you forgot about yourself, And it's almost like it's almost like a humble brag where it's like, I help so many people that I completely forgot about myself, But if your own mental health has completely deteriorated, like

that's nothing to be proud of. I'm not saying that he's I'm not like trying to harp on him or anything, but I think it's what I've heard a guys say before, is it's like the paradox of of you find your most inner joy and hope is found in thinking about others more and of yourself less, which sounds like what he's saying, but that's not bringing him joy. What do

you think is going on there? I think I don't think we're hearing the full story from Dylan, I think, and and hey, all respect to your brother, all respect. I appreciate the email. And people know if you if you're gonna email me, we're gonna talk through this. Like we're sitting around a campfire. It's just me and you, and it's late at night, and we're going to walk

through it. And I want to. I want to get to some of the harder stuff, and I wanna I want to kind of tag you a little bit here, and and I want to say that because it's no it's no offense to you. But I think what Parker's getting at is I think there. I think you're looking to help people so that you could feel good about yourself. And that's no way to help people. You have to

go in selflessly. And what's amazing about looking after people and helping people and doing things for others is that if you do that in a humble way, in a genuine, selfless way, it fulfills you. It really does. That's why that's why so many people go out and just make a career out of philanthropy, you know, and and and giving back to the community. That's why we do it

at EE Apparel. I mean think about every every launch that we do every season to launch at e a Perl, we give a big portion back to the community, to some some organization. Well why do we do that? I mean, ultimately, why do we do it? Most of the people we give to we don't really know personally, we don't really see the result of it. It's not like it's a tax reason thing. But the reason we do it ultimately is because it feels good. Like when we could go cut a big old check to some hospital or to

some youth group or some veteran organization. When we cut a big check and we hand it to them, we walk away and we're like, it feels really good. That feels good, and that's a that's a crazy thing that you give back and you are benefiting from it. So, Dylan, you should be feeling that if it's if it's coming from a genuine place of selflessness, then when you're pouring into others, you should feel. Man, I feel alive. I

just helped this old lady across the street. I got her to the other side, and when I left and waved goodbye, and she had tears in her eyes. I felt so good. And if you don't, if you think I help this old lady and she didn't even say thank you, then you know, boom, you did it for the wrong reasons. You came at it the wrong way. That wasn't a selfless thing, that was looking for a reward, that was looking for some kind of payment back. And

so that's the test. Do you feel it naturally? Does the old lady not even have to say thank you at all? Does she not say anything and you walk away and go that's a good thing, Then you know, then it came from the good place. Our grandmother many she has lived a selfless life of giving back to her family, and she's like ninety six. Her whole life, she has done nothing but pay it forward to when she was a little girl, to her family working on the farm, to when she started having babies, to when

she started having grandbabies and then great grandbabies. All she has done is cook for people, rub people's feet, scratch people's back, run errands for him, go help the widow across the street that's sick, and bring her food. She does this for ninety six years. She has done this, and I think that's a big reason why she's still alive. And I think it's a big reason why she's so she has so much energy, and she's so sharp and love's life because she has spent a life of servitude.

So I think, I think, Dylan, your mentality is on the right path of serving others. But I don't know if your heart's all the way into it, because you keep going back to what about me? And at the end he said, I'm afraid if I do what's best for me, I'll lose my family, which is also a paradox. Those two things shouldn't be butting heads with each other, right. It's like, ideally you are serving your wife, your children, your family, and it's again, it's hard because I don't

know the exact situation. If we're talking about a wife, and if we're talking about children, then the serving of your family is your duty as the husband and father. And at the end of the day, if you don't get any respect, if you don't get anything in return, that's okay because you're doing that unto Christ, because Christ tells you to do that. And so it doesn't matter if you're not getting any of the feelings of respect

or thank you or a gratitude back. You're doing it because you're gonna get rewards for it in heaven, because Jesus says so so at the end when he says that I'm afraid I'll lose my family. But then if he's talking about brothers and sisters and drama that I don't really know, I don't really know the whole story. Let me put it in perspective of myself and music.

And as much as we've gone out and played music for twenty years, gone out and played there's only so many times I can go play a show for me like I need a reward, I need a crowd to applaud me, I need I need some kind of self gratification from doing this. There's only only so many times I can get on an airplane and leave my family on an early flight and go out to tour to

get that kind of gratification. There's only so many times I can get on the bus and drive for three days all the way across the country on minimal sleep, and go play a show so that I can get applause. But when we switched as a mentality as a band that we're going out for a purpose, We're going out to help others, to serve others, through music, we're going to be the corridor for music that could bring a

smile to their face. And after the pandemic, it was like, well, that mattered even more that a lot of these people haven't been out in twelve, sixteen, eighteen months, And so we put this mentality in our minds as a band that we're going to go out and play music for a purpose, for one person to hear a song, to smile, to remember something they haven't thought about in a long time, to forget something that don't want to think about anymore, to have just a little bit a piece of joy,

three minutes at a time, song by song for ninety minutes. And then when we walk up the stage, knowing we did that without anything in return, we go it mattered. Okay, that's why we have to leave our families to go do this, because we're doing something that's greater than ourselves, greater than anything we could do on our own. And if I walked away every time and thought, man, that crowd didn't cheer very loud, and that's that can happen to me. It can, but I have to dismiss it

and go that's not why I'm here. I'm here to serve. That's that's why God gave me this gift to serve and serve, and serve and serve until I die, servants until we die. I heard someone say the other day Paul the Apostle, after being beaten, shipwrecked, thrown in jail. Do you think he was like, Man, I need a self care day. I need me, I need I need to go to the spa. I need to get my

shoulders rubbed. I need some green tea. I mean maybe part of him thought that I would love to catch a break here, But it's like this guy had been through everything imaginable. No wife, no children, no sex, none of the food that he liked. Probably, I mean, he's been through everything, and he had such fullness of and peace and hope that everybody in the world today is like, where do I find that. I'm not finding it anywhere. It's not at the spa, and it's not in your

own desires. Yeah, Dylan, keep on serving, brother, keep on serving back, and do it from a whole heart. Open your heart up to your family, serve others. You'll get that joy. You'll get it back. We're gonna take a break and come right back. Podcast is brought to you

today by Raycon. You know a lot of people didn't even make New Year's resolutions this year, and you know what, I get it, But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't still find a way to shake things up, whether it's by switching up your workout routine or going someplace new. Whatever challenge you may have this year, there's no better way to do it than with a pair of Raycon wireless earbuds in your ears. I love Raycons. I've been using them ever since I started reading them on this podcast,

and they are perfect for my lifestyle. Their everyday earbuds look, feel and sound better than ever. There's also awareness mode for when you need to listen to your surroundings, so you could take your Raycons with you wherever you go. They have optimized jail tips for the perfect inner fit these earbuds. Seriously, they're so comfortable and they will not budge in your ears no matter what you're doing. Trust me. I use these on airplanes. I use them to test

out new mixes of songs I've been doing. I use them whenever I'm working out. They just fit all the different things that I do in my life. The battery last eight hours for playtime and thirty two hour total battery life. It's incredible. Their priced really good too. You can get quality audio at half the price of the other premium audio brands. It's no wonder that Raycon's everyday

earbuds have over forty eight thousand five star reviews. So right now the Grangersmith podcast listeners get fifteen percent off the Raycon order at buyraycon dot com slash Granger. That's buy Raycon dot com slash Granger to say fifteen percent on Raycons buy Raycon dot Com. Slash Granger podcast is also brought to all by movement. You know, in a tiny apartment in southern California, two college dropouts team to create a watch company that broke all the rules with

fair prices, unexpected colors, clean original designs. Movement that's MVMT grew into one of the fastest growing watch bands, shipping to over one hundred and sixty countries across the globe. Now, movement has expanded into blue light glasses, which I actually really love. They protect your eyes from screens, minimalist jewelry, and more style essentials that just don't break the bank. They're really really affordable, all designed right out of their

California headquarters. I love their field Watches. That's kind of my go to. I have three of them that I've been using since I've been reading about Movement. I found out about them and I was like, these are actually really cool. I love field Watches, but they have all kinds of other watches that you would love to I also love the blue light glasses with my lifestyle always looking at screens. In fact, I'm looking at a screen right now as I'm reading this, and I'm wearing the

glasses and they really helped me out a lot. So they look like four or five hundred dollars watches that you see at the department store, they actually cost a fraction of that price because of their online presence and they don't have that storefront cost. So you get a beautiful watch ship right to your door for free, and if you don't love it, then you could ship it

right back. If you want to elevate your look with style that doesn't break the bank, then join the Movement and get fifteen percent off today with free shipping and free returns by going to Movement dot com. That's MVMT dot com slash Granger again. That's MVMT dot com slash Granger. Okay, back back in here. If you have a question for me, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. We'll get to it on the podcast. We love your questions. This one

subject line is called moving Forward. It says, hey Grangerin'm gonna make this brief as I can. I love the podcast, love the music, been a fan for a while. My name is Nick. I'm from Northwest Washington, thirty five years old. Me and my ex broke up about nine months ago. I've been coming to grips with the loss about her not coming back, but still to this day, every day I hurt. I need some advice to move forward. I'm one hundred percent not ready to go out and date.

I would say that I still love her, or as you say, the thought of her help me please, I still feel like I'm drowning. Nick, Okay, I'll say this. I'll try to keep this concise. I don't mean to be unempathetic with this, because I've been through breakups where I cannot eat, I cannot sleep, I cry all the time. I mean three four five days, losing weight, losing hope, like what am I going to do. And I've thought about this a lot, Like you said, you've thought about

this a lot, I would say a few things. First off, I think that when a breakup completely shatters you, you let yourself emotionally surpass the level that that relationship was actually at. You didn't guard your heart. That's what That's why the bye says above all else, guard your heart. You need to be like at the gate with a spear like. That's not to say you're going to be distrusting.

That's not going to say you're going to be disrespectful, but maybe you'll be a little more cautious before you say I love you and you look into someone's eyes, maybe that's going to be you protecting your heart. In terms of the conversations that you're having. Maybe I'm not going to talk about how many kids I'm going to have, or where we're going to live, or wedding plans and let myself fall into that prematurely in the next relationship.

And I'm really telling this to people who either are single or are early on in a relationship that haven't gotten to that point, because it's going to save you so much heartache. Don't let yourself get to that point, especially if you're being physical with someone that you're not married to. That's why God made sex to literally bond a husband and a wife together so that they would not leave each other, so that they would be chemically

bonded together. And so when you're physical before marriage, that's why it makes the breakup so hard. So if you're able to keep those boundaries emotionally and physically, it's going to save you so much down the road. Number two I would just say, in terms of like practical advice. Okay, Parker, I already got to this point. I am emotionally shattered, I cannot eat, I still love her, I can't stop thinking about her. Just some practical advice that I would

say is Number one. Try not to wallow in the past. Don't think about it. Don't think about all these situations scenarios. What could have been. She just told me she loved me, and now she just doesn't ever want to see me again. What the heck? Don't work. Don't try not to wallow in that. Number two, you don't need closure. Don't go try to meet up with her. You don't need to go get your sweater back from the house. Getting lunch with her is not going to solve anything or make

you feel better. That's just you wanting that relationship back, and same thing. If they're wanting that from you, don't let them give you any excuses to come back. It's just going to make it harder. Focus on your sleep, Focus on your diet, Try to eat healthy, give yourself some physical activity. If your body's moving, your dopamine's going to be flowing in your brain, you're gonna be feeling better. And try to surround yourself with other human beings. Don't

be alone. This is not the time to be a lone wolf. That's when the mistakes happen is when you're by yourself. You don't like what we were talking about earlier. That old part of your brain is just running going, I'm so screwed. I'm never going to find anybody again. You need people who are emotionally unbiased. Going, dude, there are three point five billion girls in the world. You're going to be completely fine. Get involved with the church.

If you're not, go shake somebody's hand, join a sports team, get around people's that's awesome. I'm glad you went practical too, because the first you know your first point. You know, my mind immediately went to what if they were married? You know, what if they were married and you did give your full self all in because that we get just as many of those questions on this podcast too. Yeah, that was that was if you are unmarried, that's when you can. If you're married, you are all in, Your

heart's all in, there's no going back. Man. Somehow I just lost that question. It just disappeared on my phone. Okay, but I remember what he said, So this is where I would go. I would I would say nine months is a long time. Like that's a long time. I would guess that the reason it's gone so long is you're still perpetuating it somehow in your mind with something like do you have a folder on your phone of

her pictures? You know, like is there something Is there a gift that she gave you for Christmas one year and you have it in your closet and you go touch it every day before you go to sleep, Like is there anything connected with her that you are still perpetuating your brain? You're still training your brain that this is still my life, this is still my life. There's a necklace she gave you and you still wear it. There's those shoes that she bought you a couple of

years go and you still wear them. Man, if you're nine months in and you feel like you're drowning, then it's it's time to get serious about this. It's time to get it's time to get serious. I would suggest this. I would suggest I would suggest journaling a journal every morning and Parker. Parker gets a lot of screenshots of

my journals from years ago because they're funny. But you could see your progress so well through journaling, and you could you can compartmentalize what's going on in your head through journaling, So I would I would encourage you to write down what you're thinking, how you're thinking it, and what triggered it, and then also write down what triggered the downfall, so you're gonna it's it's very similar to grief. Grief and heartache are like close brothers. Parker and I

were just talking about this. So in grief, you think about it in terms of of like a pattern, like a waveform, and there's a crest and there's the trough, and you're always moving. It's grief is never constant, the same level. Never there's times when you're like, I don't feel that bad right now, and then an hour later you're like, I'm dying. I'm literally dying right now. And that's the flow of it. So recognize the flow, Recognize where you are in the flow. Are you up? Are

you down? Why are you down? Is that it was there a reason, and there might not because the flow just continues to happen. But nine months in, you're still hurting. You're doing something. You're doing something to keep your brain attached. So go through and start writing this down. And I'm serious, man, I'm serious. I think you're looking at a picture on your phone. I think you're you're wearing a necklace or a ring. I think you're maybe you're living in the

same apartment where you guys lived. Move out, dude, it's time to change apartments. It's you have a dog that you got with her. It's time to give the dog away. It's time to start erasing this because you're not getting well. Why am I even speaking with this kind of intensity Because you said you're dying, dude, and it's been nine months, and it's it's just time. It's time for you to start figuring this out with your brain and not your heart.

So put your heart aside because your heart, your heart is giving you that animalistic idea of lost mate, need find and breed like that. That's what your heart is telling you, and your brain needs to go, Okay, I need to I need to figure out what is happening. Parker said. Some great things community, stay around, community, nourishment, keep nourished. Exercise could help facility facilitate the nourishment. Stay

in light. I was just in Alaska and it was dark for three days and all of us that my whole band and crew were missing the sunshine because humans need light. That starts playing tricks on your brain when

you're in darkness. So make sure you got the shades open. Hey, spend some and go to Florida and take a couple buddies and you guys, go to Pensacola or whatever and get some sunshine with your buddies and set out, go to some restaurant where you're sitting on a pier and you get a cold beer with your buddies and the

sun is just blasting you. And then tell me, tell me in that moment if you're still drowning in that moment, because I promise you you're gonna find these patterns your brain is in and you're gonna be able to defeat it. But only if you recognize search yourself and recognize what you're thinking and what you're feeling, and write it down and calculate it like it's a serious problem. Cool. I agreed. Okay, here's another one subject line many issues family, God and relationships.

Dear mister Smith, I'm seventeen years old. I would like to remain anonymous. My biggest question regarding issues with my is regarding issues with my father and my mother. They've been split up for a while now, but I could always I can't always pick sides. How could I help myself in this situation? Also, I was wondering how I could work on my work ethic because my grandfather is very sick and I cannot balance school and ranch as easily as I want to. My second question is about God.

I don't pray, I don't attend church, I don't attend CCD as regularly as I wish. Is there any way I could help with this, as well as anything else I struggle with. My last question is my inability to maintain a relationship that is healthy. I try to help anyone I can. I try to help my grandfather and schoolwork, and I can't keep up. I can't fit the time to talk to anyone to get to know them. But

things talk about girls here. Either they don't like any of my ideas or this or that, or she refuses to let me use any type of methods to relieve my stress. I'm not sure what that means. Sure as a pickaxe and beat, not a hay bill. All right, what other ways can I release my stress? Okay, I'm gonna stop there, Anonymous. This is what I feel like when I read you. When I'm reading your email, I feel like this is what you told me. Dude. I have this fe this sharp pain in my kidney and

it's like crushing me. And every time I walk, I feel a sharp pain and it's moving around. And also I have my lower spine there is this pinching and it grabs my muscle. And then also my last thing is there's something that my headaches are getting worse, and every time I wake up, my headaches are worse. And also I don't ever go to the doctor. So how

can you help me like I feel like that? That's the question, right, Summed up like, Bro, you're you're sick in a lot of ways, and and full respect to you, you're you're sick in a lot of ways, and you're not going to the doctor. How do I know? Because you said it right here. I don't pray, I don't attend church, I don't go to CCD. Is there any way I could help with this? Go to any of it? Start today. It's like someone that wants to get into jogging.

How do you start jogging? You know you want a jog, you know you need a jog for your health. How do you start by putting on your shoes? Like you put on your shoes and you tie them up. That's how you start. So the same thing, man, how do I pray? Will get down on your knees and start and you say, God, it's me. I don't know. I haven't I haven't spoken to you in a long time. But I'm coming to you because I'm struggling and I've

got a lot of issues. I'm struggling with my mom and dad and my grandfather and balance in school and ranch work, and I don't know what to do. I don't have anywhere to turn, and so I'm coming to you. I'm gonna start doing this daily, multiple times a day. And when I think about struggling, I'm going to you. I'm gonna give it to you. And then you go in. You open up your Bible, say John one. I'm reading John right now. So that's where I'll go. John one,

Open it up, John one one. Start there. I'm gonna read one paragraph in the morning. One paragraph. You're gonna start small and start digging into that. So instead of saying, I've got this pain in my back, it's like pinching, so I think I'm gonna try a band aid. No, dude, you need to go to a doctor that looks at your spine. That pain you have in your side, you need to go to a specialist that has an X ray that looks inside. Don't try to fix it with

anything else. So I'm not gonna try to fix it with you and your question any other way besides the main question. You're sick. It's time to go to the doctor. In other words, it's time to start praying to God. What would you say if if someone's listening to that and going grangel, what does God have to do with any of this? He asked it. I don't have time for my work. I'm depressed, I'm anxious, I can't find a girlfriend, I'm not happy on my own, I'm discontent.

But what does God have anything to do with that? Like, I need real life solution. You're talking about someone that's listening because he asked it. Specifically, you're talking about another listener that wouldn't have asked that. Yes, someone who hears that and goes, what does God have to do with that? Well? Why is? Why is why is the Why is God the doctor in that situation that's going to that's going to solve the rest of it? Why is that going

to be the first domino? Do you think? Well, the only way to heal the human heart is by going to the one that created it. Just like if you have a serious computer problem in your Ford truck, the only one that could fix it is the manufacturer that created it. Why Because they know the blueprints of it and so they know how to fix the computer problem in your Ford truck. And Joe at the body shop down the street can't do it. You can't sit there

on YouTube and do it. If it's a serious computer problem, only the manufacturer can do it. And so when we look at ourselves, our bodies, our hearts, our minds, are our depression, our anxiety, our stress, and every other human problem that we all share. The only one that could fix it is the one that created it. And you realize that your body was created for a purpose and a very intricate, complicated, mysterious, perfect way by a creator.

Unless you think you came from Amba's unless you think you came literally from some kind of bacteria, And if you do, If you think you came from some kind of bacteria, then in all due respect, I would say good luck with that. Then I can't help you in your question. I can't help you in any of this stuff. But if you're coming to me saying my question is

about God, I don't pray. I would say, you're driving around in a pickup truck with a blown computer that keeps throwing your transmission out of whack, and you're not going to the dealership. Pull it into the dealership and say take it it's yours. You made it. Please, whatever it takes. I need my truck back. Look at it. Dig into this, please. You made it, You know how to do it, you have the blueprint. I don't That

was great. It reminds me of a John Piper sermon I watched the other day where in Jeremiah, God the Father is saying, I have the flowing water of life. I have the wellspring of life, and they've turned their backs on it and they're digging wells with where the water doesn't hold. It just flows right through it. And so he's like, the ultimate evil is not just the murder and the theft and the adultery, it's fundamentally the cause of all those evils is you turning your back

and saying you can take a trip. Creator. I'm gonna suck on this dirt and I'm gonna dig here because I think I can find the solution right here in this dirt. And then I'm gonna die and I'm gonna hate you forever. When he's just like, I have it. I made you, Yeah, I have the answer. Yeah. What's crazy, Anonymous here is that we have a roadmap to our lives.

Have the construct, the instruction manual. It's called the Bible, and it is laid out beautifully and and concisely and very understandable, and you could dive into it at any at any point really, and you could dive into your your own personal instruction manual, and go Okay, if I if I think this way, if I if I position my heart this way, if I humble myself this way, and I believe this way, and then I see the results of this, then things will slowly start becoming more clear.

I'll slowly start feeling more joy, more peace, more love, more contentment, more happiness. And we could start the list of of the results of this, of people that have experienced this, But you really have to do it yourself. And I would say, I would say, right off the bat, your first step. Your first step is when you to this podcast, you hit your knees and then you be as casual as you can and go God, I'm so

sorry that I have turned my back on you. I have these problems mounting, but you created me, and you know you know how to how you know how to guide me through these problems. You're not gonna eliminate them from me, you're not gonna wipe them out of my life, but you're gonna guide me through it and then give me peace through it and guard my heart and mind through it. And your second step is go to church on Sunday. Just show up whatever you're wearing. Just show up.

Sit down, hey, sit down on the back, sit down on the very back, and just know I'm here, I'm present, I'm showing up. I've got too many problems to not And if you're thinking this at seventeen, what do you think you're gonna think when you're twenty seven? What do you think you're gonna think when you're thirty seven? Just saying you think these problems are gonna start going away and you're gonna figure it out by the time you're twenty or do you think they're gonna start compounding and

getting worse. That's my question to you. Your grandfather, your grandfather's sick. Is he still gonna be sick when you're twenty seven thirty seven? No, he's not going to be here. Then what are you gonna do? That's another question for you. Okay, moving on, take a break. Wow, the subjecline here is military. Hello, mister Smith. My name is Tanner Moore. I live in Post Falls, Idaho. I'm seventeen thinking about joining the military. I come from a very religious family. Do you have

any thoughts on this? I don't if he should join the military. Yeah, it's the classic idea of should I join something so violent that has potential of killing. Oh, he's saying that that could I think that's what he's thinking. What do you think about that? It's it's very justified biblically to be a military, Yeah, law enforcement military. I mean greater love. There is no greater love than this than the lay down your life for your friends. Like

that's that's one of the first things. Like that's what police officers get tattooed on them. There is no greater love than laying your life down for your friends. Would you say that's if your country is is fighting for the right cause, because there could be a situation where it was it wouldn't be justified, right, I think. So, it's it's important to remember, you know ten commandments do not murder. Well, it's it's commonly misunderstood is do not kill.

But killing is justified in the right way. It's murder, that's not Yeah. So if your your motive is everything, motive is everything. If you're in the military and and you have to kill somebody, you're not breaking a law here, you're not breaking a biblical law. It's murder. It's the it's the evil intent of murder. That's the problem. So Tanner, I would send you, I would send you go straight

to YouTube with this. I mean, there are some really beautiful sermons and videos of people explaining, whether it's law enforcement or military, the honorable position to take to take your faith into the military and to do it in a very faithful, honorable way to God and be a warrior. And then look in the Bible. There's so many warriors your subject line, you know, military, There's so many warriors starting with David. Go read go read David all through Samuel.

I mean, the dude was a warrior, and he was faithful, and he was honorable. So yeah, absolutely. I would also say, and this is saying I was okay, I'll say two of my best friends are marine pilots, and I have an amazing respect for the military. I think it could be an amazing option for you. And then I would also just say, be aware of the foundational desire of a man, young man's heart to want respect and to

want to stand for something greater than himself. Not saying that women don't have that, but fundamentally, men have this desire when there's a war, when there's conflict, to be honored to be respected to they like, I need to be in that. I need to be a part of that. I need to be putting my life in that. And so ask yourself, am I trying to find my ultimate

meaning as a human being through my military service? Because there's a lot of old kernels in generals that have a lot of respect in the military, but they don't have a relationship with Christ. And so make sure that you're fundamentally getting your identity from from God and not just filling that void with military service. Not to say that you can't do both, but it's just something to be aware of. Yeah. Absolutely, I would say go for it, brother,

go for it wholeheartedly. It's a great career and you're going to inspire so many and ultimately you're you're protecting me and my family and and we owe you that debt. So I hope that you do, and I hope you don't have any kind of hang ups with it because of a religious family. Also understand that when you say religious family, you might not mean Christianity, So there's that

it might be. My only point was I remember, like three or four years ago, I was definitely going to go into the marine, Corps and I and I looking back, was trying to find some sort of meaning from my life that I think that I am in a better spot where God needs me now, not being the military. Not to say that I couldn't find purpose doing that, and I think it would have been amazing, But I was trying to fill a void with the military at that at that time in my life that can only

be filled through God. That's that's great. I forgot. I forgot about that, and then we stole you away for eeg. Yeah, so many good questions here today and so many more in the inbox that we can't get to because we're out of time. But thank you guys for listening. Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. Shoot me an email, we'll put it here in the list and we'll see you next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast. I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me

out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video. If you have a question for me that you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com, yig